Tag Archives: stress

Well, I’m Still Employed…

27 Oct

That’s gotta count for something, right? I mean, it’s not like this is my dream job…or even a job in the field I want to be in but it pays the bills and that is important. Sure I sometimes feel like being in the financial business industry is eating away at my soul and sucking me farther and farther away from doing work in any kind of field I could find personal happiness in…but hey, shrug, who am I to quibble about where my steady pay cheque comes from? *rolls eyes*

Work was weird today, everyone who wasn’t laid off was on edge and nervous, the people who were laid off did their best to appear ok but they were all a little forced in their cheerfulness. In a way I just want the week to be over already so all this tension is outta my life but at the same time I don’t want the week to end cause that’ll mean AC is no longer there and I’ll miss her. 😦 

My guts got all twisted up during my text convo last night when I learned about the people being laid off and didn’t ease till after a meeting I had with my manager where he assured me my job is safe. Man, my tummy hurt this morning, it was crazy. And oh man my sleep, or lack there of last night sucked, tossing and turning and when I did sleep I had weird dreams that involved work and…well, I can’t really remember what else, just that the dreams were weird and unsettling and I kept waking up from them. ugh. I don’t usually get stressed by things, I mean sure I feel some stress at times but harsh enough stress to cause pain and bad sleep? That is just unheard of!…least, in my world…maybe it’s normal and I just never knew?

All I want to do this week is lose 0.8 lbs, that shouldn’t be so hard to do but so far I have done no exercise and had a night and a day thrown off by excessive stress. This better not mess up my reaching 15 lbs lost by the weekend! Although, really, who am I threatening with that? Karma? The fates? The universe? Like any of those will be scared of what I say! ha!

On a different note I got a package in the mail today from NH, 😀 she sent me halloween goodies, which, ok yeah very nice, but uh…candy? gummies? hot chocolate mix? Crap. There was also a black glass with a silver skull and crossbones on it (I have a thing about skulls) but it broke, sigh. I actually had to call her to ask her what it was it was that broken. lol. She sends me junk food each year and it’s pretty awesome cause I don’t buy halloween candy for myself but, shrug, I can’t eat it this year. Well, I am probably gonna try the hot chocolate mix…hello! it turns red! Talk about awesome! I still have 2 points left over for the day, I am hoping that will be enough to cover a cup of hot chocolate, if it’s not I will go over in to flex points cause (1) I have been good this week and not gone over and (2) I really wanna try the mix! lol.

Today I ate:

29 grams Special K Vanilla Almond = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 small banana = 1 point

1 Activia Yogurt = 2 points

1 bowl weight watchers soup = 0 points

1 english muffin = 3 points

2 triangles laughing cow cheese = 1 point

mixed raw vegies = 0 points

1 cup strawberries = 1 point

85 grams eating right whole wheat penne = 5 points

1/4 cup Alfredo Roasted Tomato sauce = 2 points

mixed cooked veggies = 0 points

2 Lifestyles shortbread cookies = 2 points

So like I said above, that is 20 points, two left for some hot chocolate! Although, I am kinda hungry, sigh, so do I really want to use my last two points of the day on a drink when I could have something more solid? Oh the choices a person on weight watchers must make. lol.

My Cookies Went Soft

10 Jul

I am having trouble figuring out what to eat; it’s not the points, I have a fairly strong grasp on the point system now, how to calculate them, how to distribute them through out the day- all that stuff. My problem is figuring out what I think is worth the points.

Tonight for example, it is evening so time for a snack. I want kettle corn but my weigh in day is tomorrow so I don’t want to eat anything too salty but do you think I can find something else I want just as badly? Of course not! So I started looking around the kitchen, I have 3 whole points to eat…that could be anything! A yogurt and some grapes, a piece of toast with margarine on it even 3 cookies and a cup of tea. Even with all these choices and more I couldn’t decide what to eat; I kept thinking “what if I eat the yogurt and am still hungry afterwards? It’s not like yogurt is all that filling.” I thought variations of this for all the foods I looked at – I think it wasn’t really a matter of being hungry and wanting to make sure I wasn’t hungry after my points were over, it was  knowing that after I ate that snack I would not be allowed to eat anything else for the rest of the night and I was wanting a taste of everything.  Does that make sense? It was the knowledge that I am restricted; as soon as I know I can’t have something I want it but if I have the option of having something more times then not I won’t go for it…I can be so contrary.

Course, you wouldn’t be able to prove that by looking at me – I have obviously eaten a lot of food in my past so I haven’t said no as often as I would like to think. 😛

I eventually settled on the cookies, they are uber yummy and not all that unhealthy Peek Freans Lifestyle Selections Cranberry Citrus Oak Crunch…the important word here is “crunch”.

Peek Freans Cranberry Citrus Oat Crunch...mine didn't crunch!

 I have had these cookies before; I always get them on short flights so when I saw them on sale I though “oh yeah! on sale and I already know they taste good, can’t go wrong there!” You can eat 3 cookies for 3 points so they aren’t even all that bad for you. 🙂 I bought them before I started Weight Watchers; I’d opened them and eaten I don’t know how many then tucked them away for next time.  Now it’s not like I forgot about them (exactly), more like I got bored with them and just kept them tucked away. shrug. This happens a lot with me.

But anyways! I decided to use my last 3 points on these cookies and pair them with a cup of tea – after a whole lotta time deciding and going back and forth on what I want I get my cookies, make my tea, sit down and get settled all ready to enjoy my evening routine. I am all ready to eat those last three points and what happens…my cookie was soft. They say crunch in the title, they are normally a crunchy cookie, everytime I have eaten them on a plane they crunch, heck they are so crunchy they make crumbs when you bite in! This package used to crunch…until I left them opened and they went soft…why oh why do cookies do that? It’s so mean. I made it through 2 of the cookies and had to stop, they just aren’t good when they are soft. sigh. Normally, I totally suggest these cookies…but make sure once you open them to eat them quickly or put them in some kind of air tight container! 

I am finding this is a problem of mine lately (not the lack of crunch in the cookies, but what to use my points on), everytime I look at something to eat I wonder if I really want to use my points on that. A whole list of questions goes throught my heads, a little something like this: how long will I stay full? is there any nutritional value? will there be leftovers? will I be able to justify the points the leftovers will cost me? do I really need it? how much time is left in the day? if I eat this am I ok that I can’t eat *insert food here* later? do I really want this to be the last thing I eat today? will it satisfy me?

If I am not careful I will become a hoarder of points. I am already at some weird stage where I want to eat as few points during the day as possible so I can for sure have enough to eat a filling dinner and have a snack in the evening. Forget the fact that I have been doing fine with my point allocation and haven’t run in to problems being able to have a filling dinner; everyday I have a little panic at lunch time – do I really want to eat my lunch? What if magically the numbers change after I eat the food and then I have to have a super small dinner to compensate for eating too much during the day? Even though the points for my lunches are usually calculated  the night before and I know I am not using some ridiculous amount during the day I still have a bit of a freak out. I don’t know why, and I don’t know how to stop it I just have to learn how to manage it. I seem to be managing it alright so far; I haven’t actually started hoarding my points during the day and eating them all in the evening but the desire (and concern about it) are there.

Quick note about my lunch, I had a Mediterranean Supreme salad from Fresh Express Salad.

My Mediterranean Salad

It was my first time trying that one and it was ok; not bad but a bit bland – and that’s with me adding stuff to it! This company is pretty great, they have all different types of salads, my favourite kind is Salsa Ensalada Supreme – the website is www.freshexpress.com I haven’t really checked out the website (except to get that snazzy pic to the right lol) but at a quick glance it looks like it contains a lot of interesting info. This salad was spinach leaves, feta, croutons, dressing…um, I think that is it. I added to it; mixed veggies, baby potatoes that had been boiled and cut up and a hard boiled egg. I find if you add low point items to already existing foods (like the veggies) it makes the dish more satisfying taste wise and I stay fuller longer…the egg was 2 points but that was an indulgence on my part (I love hard boiled eggs!) and a way to sneak in some protein.  I split all the toppings it came with into two equal portions and only ate half the salad for lunch; it was perhaps one of my most boring lunches and I really wanted L’s noodle dish, man that smelled goooood!, but at least I know mine was healthier. lol.

So here is what I ate:

3/4 cup Honey Nut Cheerios =2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana =2 points

Mediterranean Salad

     – dressing, feta, croutons = 4 points

     – mixed veggies = 0  points

     – 5 baby potatoes = 1 point

     – 1 hard boiled egg = 2 points

1 cup grapes = 1 points

1 grilled cheese sandwich

     – 2 pieces bread = 2 points

     – 1 tbsp Light Miracle Whip = 1 point

     – 2 Kraft cheese slices = 2 points

125 ml Campbell’s tomato soup = 2 points

2 Peek Freans Lifestyle Selections cookies = 2 points

That puts me at a total of 22 points; I would have been at 23 if my cookies hadn’t gone soft or if  I had been able to bring myself to eat all three, as it is I ate two and now have 1 point left over…I will probably have one of my weight watchers chocolates since they are only 1 point and small enough I won’t feel icky eating something so late at night. lol.

Tomorrow is weigh in day…stress! I so wanted to try on the pants today so that if they fit I could wear them to work but the worry they wouldn’t fit any better and that I’d know a day earlier then necesarry I didn’t lose enough weight  for them prevented me from trying them on this morning. lol. But tomorrow I will find out! I think I will go drink a glass of water and pretend I don’t feel quite so big…

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