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Harder Then Usual

22 Mar

Do you ever have a day where your energy is lower than normal and you just have no motivation to do anything, let alone exercise? That was me today, blerg.

I’m not sure what happened…I woke up, had no energy, but hey, its morning who has energy in the morning? Only crazy people that’s who! lol I figured I’d be fine once I ate but no-go with that. I ate, waited a half hour, went to the gym and I swear I thought I was gonna fall off the treadmill when running my sprints – now that would have been embarrassing! πŸ˜›

Normally my cardio days are my “better days” at the gym, not because I’m necessarily better at cardio then weights it’s more that at least on cardio days I know for sure what I’m doing and am not worrying about my form or forgetting something. Plus, I’m not having to deal with the funny looks from the guys in the free weight area who always start off smirking at me like it’s a joke I’m lifting weights and then turn to contemplation as they realize I’m using 20lbs weights for some of my moves and seem to actually know what I’m doing. *rolls eyes*

But today, even as I started on the treadmill I knew it was gonna be hard, my yawning was a good indication of that lol and the fact that getting my legs to move at even a light warm-up jog pace was seriously hard work.

Here’s what I do when running on cardio days:

I jog for 3 minutes to warm up at 4 mph, then I sprint for 30 seconds at a pace of Β 9 mph, then I go back to jogging at 4 mph for 1.5 minutes, then I sprint at 9 mph for another 30 seconds…it keeps repeating like that but eventually my sprints get up to a speed of 9.5 mph. After I have sprinted 8 times I cool down. In total I’m on the treadmill for 20 minutes – not too shabby, right? Well, every cardio day I have to do better then the cardio day prior, on Monday I did 4 sprints at 9 mph and 4 sprints at 9.5 mph so today I should have done 4 at 9 mph, 3 at 9.5 mph and 1 at 10 mph but it soooo didn’t happen. πŸ˜› Since I was really having to push to stay on the treadmill at 9.5 mph I was certain if I upped the speed on the last sprint I’d be screwed…and embarrassed when I fell…and possibly injured. πŸ˜‰

I was mad at myself when I got off the treadmill, mad I wasn’t able to somehow magically push myself to do that final sprint at a speed of 10 mph, mad I almost didn’t make it through the last sprint at 9.5 mph, mad that instead of enjoying the run like I usually do my head was filled with negative thoughts about how tired I was, how I just couldn’t do this today, how I felt like I was gonna throw up, how I should just skip the run cause hey, nobody will know, *rolls eyes* Sure, if nobody asked me how my run went nobody would know if I skipped it, except…I would know, and talk about screwing myself up for next cardio day…if I can’t make it through my run today then on Friday I’d have that in my head, the mentality that I can’t do it anymore, it’s too much for me, I’m too slow or too weak or too lazy or too fat or too something and then not only would I be working to keep pace with the treadmill I’d be fighting an even harder battle against my own brain and it’s negative thoughts – I’m not sure that’s a battle I know I can win.

NC says a big part of pushing yourself at the gym is getting past all the bullshit in your head, pushing past what your brain says is your limit, he also says the days you don’t want to go are the days you have to go. Anybody can work out on a day they feel great, have loads of energy and are psyched for it. But to go and push yourself in the gym on a day where the planets aren’t all perfectly aligned and you’re not in the perfect place/mood to exercise, those are the days that show you what you can make yourself do, that’s when you see your strength and get past your mental blocks.

I don’t know that I actually got past a mental block today, I barely made it through that last sprint, and since I didn’t up the speed I feel like a bit of a failure, at the same time, I know if I had upped the speed I wouldn’t have made it through the entire 30 second sprint, so, isn’t it better to do the sprint at 9.5 and do the entire 30 seconds instead of go at a speed of 10 but only make it to say 15 seconds? Although! Maybe that’s my mental block? Maybe if I had pushed it to 10 I would have found some deep well of energy or perseverance or pig-headedness that would have helped me force my way through the 30 seconds, crap, now I really wish I’d tried the 10 mph…

I’m not sure why I bottomed out today energy wise, I have been eating according to my food plan this week, no cheating! Yah! Which means I’m getting lots of protein (119.9g today), a decent amount of fat (47.9g today), low-ish carbs (113.4 g today, ok fine, higher then they should be by 13.4 grams, so shoot me! πŸ˜› ), I’m staying hydrated, I’m following all the rules so, what gives? If following the rules means I’m gonna lose all my energy mid week and suck at cardio then I’m screwed cause as we all know from my performance at the gym today, I’m not so great at pushing through to new achievements when I have no energy, is anybody? Maybe I’m just extraordinarily lazy, well ok, yeah I am, but I mean even more lazy then even I realized – which would be scary lol πŸ˜€

I just don’t know, I’m kinda at loose ends about what happened, about why I tanked out energy wise, about why I didn’t force myself to try the 10 mph. Sure, it’s easy to blame the not running at 10 mph on the whole no energy thing, but is that a cop out? Could I have done it if I’d tried and not let myself convince myself I wouldn’t be able to do it? I know when I was on the treadmill running, coming up to that last sprint I knew without a doubt I couldn’t run it at 10 mph, that I didn’t have enough left in me to make it…but now that it is hours later I’m filled with self doubt…I hate self doubt, it’s such a downer. πŸ˜›

Guess I’ll just have to push even harder on Friday (my next cardio day) and see if I can make it to 10 mph that day, no! Not see if I can! I Can! I will make it! Look out 10 mph, you’re miiiiine! (maybe if I start psyching myself up for it now it’ll be easier to overcome the mental block on Friday? lol πŸ˜‰ )

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