Ok so yes, this is yet another post about the cat, I swear I’ll stop writing about him so much soon…actually, no, that’s not true. In fact, it is a bold faced lie. So consider yourself warned, cat post ahead!
The cat and I are having a battle and seemed to have reached an impasse. I say that to be generous to myself, he is winning, oh how he is winning. sigh.
When he had his vet appointment and they took blood they shaved of a patch of fur on one of his front legs. No biggy right? Well, no, not for this guy. His thinking went something along the lines of “hey look, a section with less fur on me, this must mean I should lick and bite and fuss with this area as much as possible until I have created an open bloody wound!” and then he commences with said behaviour until he reaches the aforementioned result.
In other words, the little brat licked his leg so much he created an open wound.
Words. There are so many words in my head right now describing him, none of them are polite…
I did what any person would do, I wrapped his leg up after cleaning and disinfecting the wound and prayed to all the gods he wouldn’t get the bandage off. We went to bed. I woke up the next morning only to find the bandage off and he had the nerve to be laying at the end of the bed, licking the freakin wound!
Oh the audacity!
So I create a better, thicker, hopefully harder to remove, wrapping. The first layer is a non-stick square bandage, which is then wrapped with gauze to keep it in place, which is then covered with tape so he can’t get at the gauze. Easy peasy. It was barely on him before he managed to move it enough to expose part of the wound. I then create a second wrap and place it just above the first one, so more of his leg is covered, thinking it will keep the wound covered.
It seemed to work, he fussed with the bandage, licked at it an such, but no break in the tape, no damage to the gauze, no removing the bandage from the leg.
Clearly a victory for me.
Then yesterday about a half hour before I have to leave for work I take a look at the bandage, I was planning on redoing it that night when I got home but had to immediately take if off because when I thought he was fussing with the bandage but not causing any harm he was actually twisting it around his leg and parts of the gauze had gotten scary tight on his poor little ankle. He wasn’t acting like he was in pain but no way could I leave a bandage that tight on for the length of time I would be at work, or any length of time really.
So while he cries the cry of his people, surely making the humans upstairs think I am torturing him, I cut the bandage off him. Just so you know, despite his loud protesting meows he actually lay in my arm, not resisting, completely compliant with whatever way I moved him so I could get a better angle on the bandage. So the meowing to inform others of the abuse I was tossing his way was purely a psychological tactic to get other humans to turn on me.
Sneaky little guy.
After I get the bulk of the bandage removed I discovered that when he was fussing with the bandage and twisting it around that caused the non-stick pad to move and now covering was wound was gauze. Plain ordinary gauze. Crap. Combine gauze being on the wound with the saliva he kept licking on to the bandage making its way down to the gauze layer and the gauze and wound have now become one. Seriously, the gauze couldn’t have been more attached to the wound if someone had super glued it on. Double crap. So I lock us in the bathroom, dampen a bandage, and soak the area in order to loosen the gauze. All the while I have visions of having to explain to work I will be late because I need to make an emergency run to the vet and already wincing at how much that is gonna cost me. Luckily my trick worked and I was able to get the gauze removed with no visible pain to the cat. Phew!
But now what. I can’t re-bandage him the exact same way, since it obviously has massive flaws, but I also can’t leave him without a bandage since he has zero self-control and will just fuss at the wound the entire time I am at work. What I need is a cat babysitter! Since I don’t have one of those I do the next best thing and try to create a better bandage system.
I take two of the non-stick squares, tape them together to make one larger one, then I tape that around his leg (it is now large enough to go completely around his leg, no exposed fur), then I wrap it in the dreaded gauze, then I cover in tape, then, and brace yourself because this was truly a masterpiece idea, I take one of his scarves that he is currently not wearing and wrap it around and around and around his leg.
Yup, that’s right, I had that sucker wrapped around his leg so many times his leg was easy double his regular size.
To say he was not impressed is a tad bit of an understatement.
He wouldn’t even say goodbye when I left for work, just kept his back to me and refused to acknowledge I was there.
I spent my work shift wondering how long it took him to get out of the scarf and curious as to how long he will hold this particular grudge.
When I got home he had the nerve to meet me at the door with no scarf, no bandage, as if they never existed!
The best part of all this? I still can’t find the discarded scarf or bandages! It’s been over 24 hours and they are still hidden somewhere in this apartment, un-findable by yours truly. I would have sworn I knew all his hiding spots but apparently not…
So I spent last night barely sleeping because when he’d start licking I’d shoot awake and put my hand in the way, or gently move his mouth aside, or just grab him and force him to cuddle in my arms. Neither of us were impressed when the alarm went off this morning.
I decided I had no better idea for how to wrap his leg so I was going to have to chance it and leave him at home while I went to work sans bandage. I almost dreaded coming home and seeing how much damage he did during the day.
He didn’t make the wound much worse, its not any better, but definitely not worse, which makes me wonder if the lecture I gave him about personal responsibility and how the big scarf leg wrap was the consequence for his own poor life choices got through to him.
Then I remembered that he was sleep deprived because of how we spent the night and more likely he didn’t fuss with the wound too much during the day because he was catching up on sleep.
I however came home with what I hope is my ace in the hole.
Bitter Apple.
Please please please work!
Heard of it? It was suggested to me by someone at work, it is marketed for dogs but according to my good friend Google is also safe for cats. Though a small percentage of cats actually like the taste of Bitter Apple, making it ineffective on them (what do you just bet he is one of those cats?!).
My research says you wrap the wound, then spray the bandage with the Bitter Apple, it makes the bandage taste so gross they won’t lick or bite it, which in theory, means the bandage will stay on. You shouldn’t spray it directly on to the wound because it could sting.
Since I’ve been home I haven’t bandaged his leg. It is good for the wound to be exposed to air, help it scab up quicker, which means he is getting no privacy, if he goes to a different room I go with him, and I stay within reach of him so if he starts to fuss with the wound I can stop him. He’s no dummy, he figured out early on what I was about and caved, instead of going in to a different room he sprawled on my lap, making my feet go numb as a form of silent protest to my continued harassment, and every now and then when he subtly tries to lick the leg I reach down and stop him.
It’s a system, not a great one, but a system none the less.
Before we go to bed I will once again attempt to wrap the leg, and spray the bandage with Bitter Apple, and hope this time the bandage manages to stay on and not fussed with too much, giving his wound time to heal overnight and tomorrow while I am at work.
If this doesn’t work I am out of ideas so cross fingers for me this works!
The Amazing Shrinking Woman 
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