Advertisements
Tag Archives: funny

Ninja Squirrel

16 Jun

The other day I encountered a Ninja Squirrel. Now, maybe what I saw is normal in the world of squirrels but it sure didn’t seem like it to me!…though, when I think about it, I suppose the only thing I know about squirrels is they are cute, so not exactly a font of squirrel knowledge over here lol

I came around the side of the house, heard a scrabbling noise, looked up, and saw a squirrel running along the side of the house. Not on an awning or ledge or anything, just on the wall, like how Spiderman climbs buildings, only noisier and with less spandex. 😉

spiderman

Picture a squirrel doing this, only going length wise instead of up.

So there is this squirrel, running along the length of the wall and I’m worried he is going to fall and hurt himself so I stop and watch, I suppose thinking he needs a witness to his death, or maybe I can catch him when he falls…which yes, I know, bad idea!

Ninja Squirrel gets close to the end of the wall and I’m relieved thinking he will go around to the front, get to the porch, and safely go on his way. Well, apparently that is not what the squirrel was thinking because he turned around and started coming back along the length of the wall. Up high, so so high. He stopped at an upper window, didn’t go on the window ledge for a moment of respite, just snuck a peek through the window like a not so subtle spy. Guess he didn’t see anything he liked because he turned around and started retracing his path. By this point I finally got my act together and was reaching for my phone to take some video because this was definitely something to be shown to friends and what does he do?

Gives me heart palpitations is what he does! The little brat leaps, leaps like he has a death wish, free falls through the air, and actually manages to land on the top of the fence.

How? How did he do that? It was crazy to see!

When he landed he didn’t even take a moment to have a deep breath, or consider the magical feat he just accomplished, or take a bow, he just scampered off like this was all just one more day in his awesome Ninja life.

Is this what squirrels are doing when we are at work all day? Scaling walls to look in our windows then flying through the air as part of their escape plan? I wonder if he comes to the windows to annoy the cats…

ninja squirrel

I think my neighbourhood Ninja Squirrel needs a new outfit.

Advertisements

The Sweater Experience

12 Dec

For Christmas I am flying back home, which I am very excited about! However I am not flying home alone. Nope. Not this year. This year I am bringing this lovely fella with me. 🙂

2015-11-22 22.00.32

That is Striker reminding me he is more important than the book I was reading by laying down on top of it lol

The thing is, I am from Alberta and it is coooooold in Alberta! They get real winter as opposed to the rainy not all that cold weather I get here. The poor little guy does not appreciate the drop in temperature he feels when we step out of the airport at night. He flew home with me once before and he was so quiet during our travels people didn’t even realize I had a cat with me…until we stepped out of the airport to get a cab and then he became quite vocal!

This year I thought I would make things easier on him and I bought him a sweater. Yes, yes I have become that person who bought an animal clothes. I know I should be ashamed but oh man, the experience of getting him dressed in the sweater was so amusing (to me, not him) that the sweater was worth every penny just for the laughs I had.

He was cuddling on my lap, innocent as to what was about to happen to him. I grabbed the sweater, leaned in as if for a hug and boom! got that sucker over his head and around his neck all in one easy move. Well, sort of easy move, there maaaay have been a tad bit of wiggling and dodging but I was faster lol

Turns out I made a slight sizing error and bought the sweater in too small of a size, which is unfortunate because it is a striped pattern and the combo of stripes, and tightness of fabric, makes him look a tad, umm…husky? rotund? thick around the middle? any and all of those apply…which kind of makes the whole thing funnier 😛

The poor guy, he did that thing cats do oh-so-well where, as soon as the sweater was on, he did a full on, dramatic, body collapse. Just poof! One second he is ok, the next he is collapsed on my lap, unable to function because horror or horrors, he has a sweater on!

I found the cat’s kryptonite.

I tried getting him to stand but as soon as I removed my hands he magically became unable to bear weight on his paws and collapsed again.

Unfortunately for him he was on my lap when I put the sweater on him so every time he collapsed he collapsed on to me, meaning he couldn’t get away from the evil person who was inflicting this torture on him. He did however refuse to look at me…

2015-12-10 00.18.04

I eventually got him to turn his head a bit…this was the nicest of all the looks he gave me…

2015-12-10 00.18.24.jpg

As you can see the tag is still on the sweater so I will be returning it for a larger size. Striker probably wishes I would burn it and send it back to the hell it came from but sadly (for him) that won’t be happening.

 

Talk (Gym) Story

15 May

In Hawaii there is a slang called pidgin, to say ‘Talk Story’ means: to talk about something or chat. So, I have basterdized it a little for the use of my title today and I am gonna talk story about the gym…basically todays post is gonna be funny gym stories that I have accumulated over the past however many months. 🙂

They are all true, they all happened to me or at least in my viewing and they all had the end result of me rolling my eyes and laughing…sometimes while it was happening I would be more annoyed or irritated but afterwards that would always turn in to humour.  🙂 Gotta keep it light right?

(1) Back when I would use a cardio machine for 30 minutes at a time I would usually hop on to the eliptical machine, randomly pick one of the preset programs and go to town. I had chosen a program that was basically all high ramp work which means my ass and upper back thighs were being worked the most. The eliptical was at the end of a row of cardio machines and directly to the left were two leg weight machines that if a person were to use would put their eyes level with my ass…do you see where this is going?  😉 So there I am on my eliptical working my butt off and this guy sits down at one of those leg weight machines, at first he doesn’t do anything but I figured he’s taking a quick breather before starting that exercise so no biggy and I basically ignored him. But a little bit later it dawned on me that he’s still not using the machine, he’s just sitting there, what the hell is he doing? Risking life and limb (have you ever tried turning to look at something while going as fast as you can on an eliptical that is at a high ramp incline? it’s dangerous! lol) I turned slightly to look over at him and he is sitting there with his eyes staring at my ass with the same rapt attention a toddler gives the Telletubbies! What the hell?!?! Uh, ever hear of subtlety? He sat and oggled my ass the entire 30 minutes! I didn’t know if I should feel slightly dirty or flattered lol.

(2) I was in the free weight area and was using the 20lb dumbbells, I was in between sets so I had them resting on the bench I had claimed and was standing by the bench. Just as I went to go pick them back up this guy comes over, puts his hands on the dumbbells and says “women should never use over 8lb dumbbells” and he actually tried to take them away! I grabbed them and said “if I can lift them I can use them” and tugged them back, lol. I couldn’t believe it, how rude is that?! Not like he needed them, there were plenty of other 20lb dumbbells around so I guess he was doing it just to be a jerk? *raised eyebrow*

(3) The other week I was on the treadmill, just warming up in preparation for my interval run, I had my ear buds in but my music wasn’t turned on yet. There was a girl on the treadmill next to mine, she was going at a pace that could best be described as a stroll on a flat incline and talking on her phone. Now picture a valley girl voice for this: “yeah, so, I don’t get it, I go to the gym like all the time and I’m always doing cardio but I never lose any weight!” After saying that comment to whomever she was talking to on the phone she then picked up her Snickers chocolate bar and took a nice big bite! bahahahaha! walking super slow, while on the phone, while eating a chocolate bar…yeah, I wonder why you aren’t losing any weight…not! 😉

(4) I’m in the free weight area (I spend a lot of time there lol) and it was fairly busy so all three benches were being used (one by me) and many of the weight machines that are also in that room were in use. I am the only girl (as usual) and all the guys there that day were the big beefy guys. Then this kid comes in with his Grandfather, he is maybe 13 years old or so and has that rangy scrawny look boys have around that age. The Grandfather is trying to teach him proper form for when he is using the free weights so he tells the kid to grab some 5lb dumbbells and copy what he is doing, the kid gets all “what? I’m not using 5lb dumbbells, I’m stronger than that!” and grabs the freakin 20lb dumbbells. So Grandfather shows him a bicep curl and the kid goes to do the same and has to put the force of his entire body behind it so he can get that dumbbell lifted up to his shoulder, his entire body! lol Grandfather tries to explain it is too heavy but the kid looks at me and says “if she’s using 20lb dumbbells than so can I!”. I’m like wtf? I’m not using them for bicep curls moron, they are for my back muscles, eesh. So I smirked a bit but refrained from laughing…oh, I should point out I subtly paused my iPod so I could hear their convo cause I could tell this was gonna be good teehee. Then the Grandfather tries showing him some other moves and again the kid insists on using weights way too heavy so he’s looking like a fool but he thinks he’s looking awesome, he’s got this “I’m the man” attitude going on, too funny! Grandfather then takes him to the stretching/ab area and shows him how to sit on one of those huge exercise balls they use in yoga so that his body is braced/stabilized and then he does sit ups. The kid goes to do it and is trying to show off how awesome his abs are so he’s going super fast but not actually stabilizing at all so he’s rolling all over the place and I think his legs got a better workout then his abs. *rolls eyes* The entire time I, and all the guys working out, keep taking subtle glances over at this spectacle cause it’s just too funny to miss but at the same time nobody wants to get caught staring right? Well, Grandfather decides they are done and they go to leave, the kid walks past me then comes back, stands just to the side and behind me, faces the mirror, lifts his shirt with his left hand and with his right he rubs his abs and says “oh yeah” while nodding, then he goes strutting outta there like he’s king of the world! I couldn’t help it, I laughed right out loud, I tried to make it sound like a cough but I didn’t succeed all that well lol. The guys working out were all smirking or quietly chuckling but I was full out laughing, how could I not?!  😛

(5) This is another one where I was kind of annoyed but it’s still kinda flattering/funny. I was in the stretching/ab area of the weight room and shockingly enough working on my abs and then stretching, weird huh? lol. I had finished my mat work and had stood up with my feet together and I kept my hands on the floor (I’m kinda flexible, shrug), so basically, my butt is in the air, but whatever, it’s a good stretch! From that stretch I always put my legs wide, then pivot so I can do a deep lunge (I don’t know the actual name of the stretch…look at the image below…it’s like that except I take it a step further and my forearms are resting on the ground beside the foot that is in the forward position…) so I do that stretch for both sides and then kinda chill with my legs together and my hands resting on the ground before rolling back up to standing. For some reason, this one day I looked up while in the middle of these stretches and three guys all at one time whipped their heads around super fast cause I guess they had all been staring and they thought they were caught when I looked up! lol I didn’t realize anyone was watching me, I just decided to look up, lol, totally oblivious am I with some stuff. It kinda annoyed me cause I don’t oggle the guys when they are working out so I feel they shouldn’t oggle me when I am working out…buuuuut, it’s also kinda nice to know guys want to oggle you, lol. 😉

put the forearms resting on the ground beside the foot that is in front and that is the stretch I am talking about…it feels really good! 🙂

I have a couple more but this post is already long enough so maybe I’ll do a part two later on.  🙂

%d bloggers like this: