Shopping, ugh, I have such a love-hate thing going on when it comes to shopping. As a girl I am supposed to love! love! love! shopping for pretty much everything buuuuuut I don’t. 😛
The things I love to shop for? Gear for my various sports/activities, books, shoes, jewellery, purses, techie stuff…but since I don’t have a lot of money I usually end up buying stuff for my sports/activities and shoes lol
Things I hate shopping for? Clothes.
Yes, I admit it, I am a female who hates shopping for clothes…well, unless it’s clothes to be worn when exercising, hiking, dragon boating, running, basically sports clothes. But clothes for work or general socializing? Nuh-uh, don’t like it.
I’m never happy with what I look like hence hating to shop for clothes.
For the last couple months or so I’ve been oh so amazingly unhappy with my clothes. Every time I get dressed for work or to go hang with friends I feel ugly. I don’t like how my pants fit, I don’t like how they look, they make me miserable and self-conscious and eager to return home and put on some sweats or yoga pants. My tops I’m ok with, it’s the pants that are a problem.
I was convinced it is because I am too big…huh, I’m trying to find a nice way to say this, *deep breath* I was convinced I felt this way in my pants because I was too fat for them. I wasn’t when I bought them, they fit great, so obviously if I don’t fit perfectly in them anymore it must be because I got too fat for them, right? Right. It’s depressing, and made me even less eager to shop than normal. I kept telling myself that if I am so unhappy with how I look in my clothes then stop being a dumb ass, lose the weight I so obviously gained, and fit back in to them. If I ate something I shouldn’t, then felt uncomfortable in my pants I would mentally yell at myself (cause yelling out loud to myself is just weird 😛 ) and basically tell myself my punishment for eating something bad for me was feeling so miserable in my pants. Not the healthiest way to be looking at things…
maybe this should be my new plan? 😉
Couple months or so ago I bought two new pair of pants, a pair of jeans and a pair of cords. I bought them both a size up from what all my other pants are because I thought that must be what I needed, a size larger. I’ve been having trouble with both those pairs of pants though because they are too big, after about 20 minutes of wearing them they have become so loose I am constantly having to pull them up – soooo not an attractive thing to be doing. *rolls eyes* and under normal circumstance they’d be donated to a thrift store or relegated to “fat day pants”. Thing is, I don’t own enough pants to be giving any away or wearing certain ones so infrequently.
So I was confused, how could one size fit too snug and the next size up fit way too loose? Then I had a realization…except for those two pants that I bought in the larger size I hadn’t bought pants (except yoga or hiking or dragon boat pants) in three years. THREE YEARS!! I’ve been wearing the same freakin pants for years! No wonder they aren’t fitting properly anymore! They’ve been washed how many times? Worn how many times? Sat in, run in, moved around in, lived in for how long? Oh yeah, that’s right, 3 years.
That little tidbit of info made me feel not quite so bad about how my pants are fitting. Have I changed since I bought them, well yeah, sure I have. But so have the pants. They don’t hold their shape as well as they used to, over time the leg length has shrunk so it’s a good bet the rest of the way they fit has shrunk, they are old, and while I keep my clothes in as good condition as possible they are showing their age. I’d say they are due to be retired.
I decided with this paycheque I would buy myself a pair of pants, maybe two if I could find a good sale somewhere. I had almost convinced myself the shopping might be fun and not horrific since maybe I’m not the monstrous size I feel I must have become since my pants haven’t been fitting me but then reality set in lol Dragon boat season is starting early this year, a whole month earlier and I needed new water proof pants cause mine became un-water proof by the end of last season and while yes, this is a water sport so I should expect to get wet, being on the water at 7:30pm at night in February is damn cold and it’s sensible to wear water proof gear until the weather warms up. No point getting drenched and cold and being sick when you don’t have to be. I was at Mountain Equipment Co-Op, shopping for the water proof pants (which I found, and while I bought the cheapest pair they were by no means cheap, ugh) when I saw some sweet hiking pants on sale for $20. I figured I’d try them on since they were such a great deal and omg they fit beautifully! It’s amazing how good I felt about how I looked when I wore them! I didn’t feel self-conscious or ugly or fat or like I wanted to hide, I felt like I looked good. 🙂 It’s been a looooong time since I’ve felt that. Obviously I bought them. Oh, and the size? The equivalent to the size of the pants that no longer fit me. Weird.
So now I don’t have the money to replace my work/socializing pants because I bought the water proof pants and the hiking pants but the water proof ones are a necessity and the hiking pants were too good a deal to pass up, shrug. Guess I’ll have to keep battling the feelings I get in my three year old pants until I have another paycheque that has some money left over and I can go find some new clothes. If I can hold on to how I felt when trying on the hiking pants then maybe I won’t even mind going shopping for new work/social pants…maybe! 😉 lol
The Amazing Shrinking Woman 