Tag Archives: fat day

Re-Write

20 Aug

You wouldn’t believe how long it has taken me to write this post, eesh. I started last night and kept rambling about a totally different topic then what I was trying to write about. So I decided to write on a new topic and that ended up in confused ramblings too. lol. Apparently last night I really needed to ramble. 😛 It was getting so late I decided to save the draft I had going and hit the sack – figured it wouldn’t hurt to leave it till tonight. shrug.

So here I am, I completely erased the draft and am starting over…I will attempt to not ramble. lol.

Since all my attempts at introspection ended up in utter nonsense I will keep this focused and non-deep. This week has sucked – points wise that is. Saturday and Sunday I didn’t eat all my points, actually, I didn’t eat them all on Monday either…Tuesday was fine, ate all my points so yah! lol. However, Wednesday was way under…sigh. Thursday was spot on and today I am only 0.5 under so that’s ok. The Weight Watcher rules clearly state to Eat All Your Points!!!! If you don’t eat them all it means you are undereating for the day and that can screw up your metabolism and make you not only not lose weight but gain it. Crap. Now, if I undereat one day a week that doesn’t bother me, it is usually because I wasn’t feeling well or plans messed up my eating schedule and really, one day a week isn’t that big a deal. shrug. But 5 days of not eating all my points?!?! That is excessive. I didn’t feel hungry on those days; didn’t feel deprived or wanting for anything but that isn’t a good indicator of what my body needs. I am well aware (now) that your body isn’t always as smart as you think it is; your body might be saying it is hungry but you have ingested enough calories for the day, it could also seem to be telling you that you aren’t hungry but you haven’t eaten nearly enough. How the body can be so wrong I don’t know, but all the so called experts say it can be and who am I to disagree?

Malibu, the person at work who started Weight Watchers last Friday…she has only been on the program for a week and she lost 4 pounds! How the fuck did that happen?? It took me over 2 weeks to manage that…grr. I asked her what she did, if she exercised etc and she said she just has an easy time to lose 15 pounds or so but after that she plateaus and can’t seem to shift anymore weight. She shrugged off those 4 pounds like it was no big deal, like losing it was a breeze. I am so jealous, sigh. To top it off she came to me when the bday cake we had at work was tempting her and I convinced her to not cheat…I wish I hadn’t succeeded in helping her not cheat, maybe then next week she wouldn’t lose as much. lol.

Oh, had the best salad today from the Salad Loop…nasty dressing though. ick. I thought I’d try a dressing I have never had so I took some Blue Cheese dressing. You put the dressing in a little container which is great cause I keep the dressing in the little container instead of pouring it on my salad and then dip my forkful of salad in to the dressing, this way I use way less. 😀 When I was putting the dressing in to the little container I saw it was way oily, hmm, I was tempted to put it back but there were too many people around watching so, shrug, I kept it. I ate some of my salad with the dressing but couldn’t bring myself to like the flavour of it, I ended up eating more then half the salad with out the dressing – it’s a good thing I had great toppings on the salad so it wasn’t boring! lol. For hours after I ate all I could taste was that stupid dressing – ugh – I think next time I will stick with the Light Ranch. 🙂

I am worried about my weigh in tomorrow – I seem to write that every week but what can I say, every week it is true. shrug. This past week I underate way too often, had 2 horrible fat days and today I just feel heavy. Oh, and I am demoralized by Malibu losing so much weight in one week. I was really hoping that this weeks weigh in would put me at a total weight loss of 10 lbs or more but I don’t think that is gonna happen. Blarg. I know I should be happy with what I have lost so far (even though today I feel as big as ever) but it is hard to maintain the happy feelings from a good weigh in throughout the week…by the night before weigh in I have almost always lost the giddy happy feeling and am just worried about what the scale will say. I hate that scale.

Let’s see what I ate today:

3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2cup strawberries = 1 point

Salad from Salad Loop = 6 points

    – 1 hard boiled egg, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, mixed veggies, artificial crab, chickpeas, sunflower seeds, grated cheddar cheese, dressing

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 medium slush = 2 points

1 peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich = 5 points

    – 2 pcs bread, 1 tbls light peanut butter, 1 tbls raspberry jam

1/2 cup mashed yam = 1.5 points

1 Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich = 2 points

My total for the day is 21.5 points. I am ok with being the 0.5 points under, I don’t have anything that is worth only a half point and I am not going to go over my points in an attempt to hit my points…although, I have more then all my flex points still available to me. lol. Ah well, it’s too late to fix what I messed up with this past week and it’s for sure too late tonight to eat anything else. Wish me luck on the scale tomorrow!

Hungry hungry hippo

17 Aug

s'thing else that can eat an eat an eat

Today was what I would have once called a “food day”, that is a day where you are always hungry and eat an eat an eat, you don’t care what you eat, you just eat. It didn’t matter what I ate today or how much – I wanted more…but…I didn’t cave! I ate the food I took to work, I snacked on fruits and veggies and when I got home I ate a healthy dinner and still have one point left, oh yeah baby!

To make it an even harder day it is also a “fat day”, I am sure that doesn’t need any explanation. sigh. I hate fat days, they are bad enough when you aren’t trying to lose weight cause really, what do you do? You wear something looser then normal, eat even more food then what you usually would and figure whatever, you’re already a fat cow who cares if you add more weight to your ever widening ass? It’s not a happy mind set, or a healthy one really. Having a fat day when losing weight is even shittier…I felt like I had made no progress (even though I know I have lost weight), I felt like I should give up, I felt like stuffing cake and McDonald’s and Chinese food and sushi and anything else that crossed my mind in to my mouth cause hey, I am fat and depriving myself of all kinds of foods I really like and it’s making me miserable and just eat already!!! Normally I don’t feel deprived by not eating all those foods I mentioned, I have a goal and a reason for the goal and I am slowly getting closer to the goal but today, it was like a little demon was in my head feeding me thoughts perfectly designed to get me to cheat. It has been a hard day.

now imagine the devil whispering in my ear all day about food...bastard!

The eating portion of my day is almost over and I still have 1 point left, I am going to use that point to eat a weight watchers 1 point candy. I convinced myself earlier to use some flex points, I had an argument all worked out about how it’s ok to use flex points sometimes and why not today? But I have decided I am not gonna do it, I don’t want to use my flex points, I don’t want to get on the scale saturday and wonder if I had only had some willpower on tuesday would the number showing be even smaller? I don’t want to give myself room for doubt…and that is what cheating will give me, all the space in the world. I have a habit of engaging in self-destructive behaviour, I am surprised I haven’t tried to screw myself over already, I have never tried to resist the self-destructive behaviour…it’s hard and seems to go against everything that is in me but I am gonna give it a shot.

Today I have eaten:

2 Weetabix Biscuits = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato soup = 2 points

2 triangles laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1/4 cup couscous with corn = 3 points

mixed raw veggies = 0 points

1 Fresh Express Salsa Supreme Salad = 8 points

1 corn on the cob = 1 point

1 tsp margarine = 1 point

So far I am at a total of 21, and like I already said I will eat my 1 point candy and finish up for the day.  I think I will go down some more water to try to trick my tummy in to thinking it is full and then go to bed so I am not aware of how much I want to gorge on the cookies that are in my kitchen…or the ice cream…or the pasta…why do I have this stuff?!?! Argh! lol