Tag Archives: life

There Is Still Beauty

23 Nov

Some days life sucks. Or, maybe not life exactly, but the things that happen in your little section of the world that directly affect you, those can suck. Some days things happen that are hard, harder than what you think you can deal with, or harder than what you want to deal with.

Like the universe cares how much you want to deal with at any given moment? *rolls eyes*

Some days the hardness of this world can wear you down, make you want to shut your eyes and pretend it all away.

Thing is, no matter how hard things get, no matter how much they suck, no matter how down you are, if you can manage to look hard enough, you’ll find something of beauty. Something you can watch, and absorb, and use the presence of to soften the edges that are the hard parts of life.

I wasn’t looking. I was too busy trying to get through my days. Managing to perform what was required so I didn’t send my life in to a tailspin, but no extra.

Then I looked up and saw this…

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My Christmas cactus.

It was given to me years ago as a Christmas present, I didn’t expect it to survive it’s first week with me. Plants and I don’t get along all that well. I have the best of intentions but they figure out early on they have been put in the care of someone who doesn’t know what they are doing and they opt for a quick, hopefully pain free, death. Rather than a prolonged, torturous, death at my caring but inept hands.

This little guy though, defied all the odds. I went away for a week and a half the day after I got him, when I returned he was blooming and seemed perfectly happy on his windowsill.

The cat wasn’t so impressed at having to share the windowsill with a plant but that is a whole other story.

So this cactus, if I am really on the ball I remember to water it twice a month. He grew out of his original pot but I kept him in it much longer than I should have because I didn’t know how to repot him and was convinced if I tried I’d screw it up. Luckily my mom helped with that.

He obviously doesn’t worry about what his home looks like because that clear plastic container that I use to hold the water I give him and to keep the windowsill clean is a Betty Crocker tupperware container that I got from the dollar store. We’re super classy over here. 😉

When things are going hard watering the plant is way down on my list of stuff to remember.

Despite not tending to him as I should have been that little cactus thrives, and blooms, and makes that windowsill a place I can look at and see beauty. I can see that life is still happening, those around me are ever evolving, and that not all things suck, even if that is how it feels.

Apparently my little cactus is able to give me life lessons just by being itself.

Yeah, things are gonna suck sometimes, but if you can manage to look around, and keep looking, you’ll eventually find something of beauty, something that can momentarily soothe you, and help you remember that things can get better, they probably will get better, and if you keep holding on, you’ll be alright.



13 Sep

I have been trying to do this stupid hike for over a week now and it keeps not happening, eesh! You wouldn’t think it’d be that hard, not like the mountain is going anywhere, but life keeps getting in the way and I keep putting it off. I really want to hike it before the weather turns but each time I have to put it off for another day I worry I have missed my last shot, erg.

No, the hike I want to do is not a second attempt at the Grouse Grind, stupid freakin grind, ugh, it is the path near-ish the grind, it starts at the base of the same mountain, and ends up at the top somewhere near where the grind ends but it is a longer trail and apparently winds back on itself quite a bit making the path less steep and theoretically a tad easier to do. It’s supposed to take anywhere from 20 minutes to a half hour longer then whatever time you take on the grind, which is depressing when you consider my time lol but since it’s a longer trail you (well, I) could just pretend the longer time is strictly cause of the trail length and has nothing to do with my physical capabilities…or lack there of… 😉

I wanted to go on the hike last Sunday, took a change of clothes to work an everything so as soon as I was off I could skedaddle on over to the mountain but it was raining and I had to decide if I should hike the mountain and maybe get a bit wet or put it off, I decided I’d hike and started to drive there but while driving the rain got heavier and heavier and eventually I turned around. I may be mildly self destructive and like doing slightly dangerous things but even I know not to hike a mountain on a path that is not busy, that I’ve never been on, as it is getting darker and it is raining, when I don’t have rain gear with me or a hiking buddy. Calculated risks people! 😛 I went to the gym instead and of course when I left the gym it was sunny and dry outside so I’m thinking the rain didn’t last all that long and I might have been ok after all…ah well, next time.

I was going to go Tuesday, for the life of me I can’t remember what I did instead but something came up, no biggy cause I had Thursday that I could go so that was my plan for Thursday (today), hike that freakin trail, that was it, the one main thing on my list of stuff to do, not so bad right? Well, ha! I was up early and contemplating food (figured I’d eat before this hike, unlike last time…) when I got a phone call for an interview (aka, measurement taking/fitting) to be a fit model for a clothing store.  We made an appointment for noon which kaboshed my hike happening in the morning cause that gave me just enough time to get ready and find the place. After the fitting I figured ok, now I can eat (finally! it was about 1pm or so) and then go for the hike. Got to the apartment, was again contemplating food when I got a text from my agent that I had an audition at 7:50p that night. Well yah! After my lil happy dance I realized that (1) hike is not happening and (2) neither is my lunch…sigh.

I decided against the hike cause everyone knows not to do anything outside of your normal routine leading up to an audition, can’t take the risk of getting hurt cause you don’t know what you are doing…that and I worried what if I took a ridonkulous amount of time on the trail and made myself late for the audition? Not happening! So I took a nap instead, hey, don’t judge, I was tired 😛 and then I did some ab work etc and stuff around the apartment.

So there we have it, life and weather have thwarted my attempts to hike that trail! I’m still hopeful for next week, if the weather stays nice that is…

Oh, in case anyone is wondering, a fit model is exactly what it sounds like, it’s the model the designers use when making new clothes to make sure the outfit hangs the way it should on an actual person. I don’t know if I got the job though…on the one hand I am the perfect size for them in pants and shirts and they were really happy with that but apparently my spine is an inch too short (that’s one I haven’t heard before!) so it makes the jackets sit a little funny at the back…they are going to see a couple more people to check their measurements and have them do some fittings and they’ll let me know. It’s a very very part time thing, about 4 hours per day max 2 days per week, just enough to get me a little extra cash really.

As for the audition, it was for a commercial, I went in for one role and the casting director kinda merged the one I went in for and another one and had me audition for some weird hybrid lol. My agent thinks it’s a good thing, a sign they will consider me for both roles not just the one, I’m happy to think that way too. 🙂 The audition seemed to go ok, casting director was in a good mood despite it being late and me being the last person she was seeing. She liked my headshot, we joked around a bit, all good signs. Thing is, even if she thinks I’m awesome if I don’t have the right look I won’t get the part…ya know, if I don’t get the part, and I don’t get the fit model job that means twice in one day I will have been rejected for not looking right and/or being the wrong size…something I am going to desperately try not to dwell on…

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