You know those days where you just feel fat…not for any reason (or at least not always for a reason) you just sometimes wake up and feel fat. 😛 Those days suck but you know if you get through it the next day will be better…well, not this time. sigh. This whole week I have felt fat, fat and getting fatter. It’s not been fun!
My clothes are all still fitting big so it’s not that, it’s that I kept screwing up my eating and was sick last monday so I didn’t go to Zumba. sigh. I didn’t think missing one exercise class would be such a big deal but it really affected me…in a bad bad bad kinda way.
I had two really bad eating days, one where I used ten flex points and one where I can’t even calculate how many points I ate cause I can’t get nutritional info for the restaurant but my approximation of points was frickin scary. Then I had days where I went over by a little, so like a point or two, which normally I am ok with cause in total for the week I’ll end up using like 7 flex points and I am good with that…but I was so in a different level of flex points usage this week…and it has made me feel icky.
So, what does that mean? It means this whole week I have felt fat. I don’t care for this feeling and want it to go away. *stomps foot* I used to always feel fat, I barely noticed the sensation because I felt it all the time but once the weight starting to (sloooowly!) come off I started to feel…well, not fat but big I guess…yeah, that seems right, I downgraded myself to big. lol I don’t like being back at feeling fat. 😦 It has made me want to just say “fuck it” and dig in to something high calorie, stop at McD’s for dinner, go to a restaurant and get dessert, gorge on pasta…something! I didn’t do any of those things, which is good, but I am not sure what stopped me, which is not good. It wasn’t will power, it wasn’t knowing I have a goal and working towards it, it wasn’t anything…I just somehow wasn’t able to do any of those things this past week…not for lack of wanting to tho!
I had hoped my weigh in this week would re-enforce the weight loss plan…after all, from last weeks weigh in I only needed to lose 1 pound to hit a total weight loss of 20 pounds…so, get ready for it, this week I lost…*drum roll*…0 pounds! That’s right, you did read that correctly, I lost nothing. 😦 I didn’t gain…and I remind myself of that everytime I think of how I didn’t lose, but…I didn’t lose!!!! 😦 I know I don’t deserve to lose this week, after those two really bad food days, no exercise, and multiple days where I used a couple flex points here and there I should be couting my lucky stars I didn’t gain but I am selfish and wanted to lose more weight, sigh. And to make it worse I had multiple days where at the end of the day I still felt hungry, not “peckish I am bored and want to nibble” hungry but “my stomach is growling I could eat a meal” hungry. Why??? That just can’t be right!
I have no answers to my yelled-out-to-the-universe question except for this…my body was used to eating it’s points and that was it, sure I used some flex points but not a lot and not on a regular basis so my tummy knew what to expect portion wise and it got used to it. This past week I had two days where I ate the way I used to, huge meals, high in calories, way more then what my tummy/body needs and now that my system has had a reminder of what it used to get it is feeling cheated out of all that fatty, high calorie, yummy tasting food. After all, foods I now consider total-exception-treats are what I used to eat all the time…it’s no wonder my body wants to go back, my old eating habits may not have been healthy but they sure were tasty! lol It’s like I teased my body and now it is getting payback, sigh, and we all know payback is a bitch!
Today I ate:
1 cup cooked oatmeal = 2 points
3 tbls maple syrup = 2 points
3 tsp brown sugar = 1 point
2 pieces toast = 2 points
2 tsp margarine = 2 points
1 tbls raspberry jam = 1 point
1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point
I Uncle Ben’s Sweet n Sour quick meal = 7 points
Total eaten is 19 points. Oops.
I didn’t mean to eat under my points, I was at a nannying job (which is why I ate the microwavable Uncle Ben’s dinner thing – easy to take and make!) and I forgot to take my thinsations snack so after I ate my dinner I was kinda screwed. There were snacks there but everything I could find was really high in points, something I wouldn’t like, or something I didn’t feel comfie eating (it’s hard picking from someone elses kitchen what to eat, shrug) I did nibble on some raw carrots, but those don’t cost any points…and I did dip two of the carrots in a dill dip but no way was that enough dip to use up 2 points, lol, my solution to this is I am gonna grab s’thing little to eat once I am done typing this up. I normally try not to eat this late but my tummy is rumbling and hey, I have two points left, damn straight I am gonna use em! 😀
The Amazing Shrinking Woman 
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