I believe in balance in life, never are all things good or all things bad – I think if something goes great in one aspect of your life then in another area something not so great will happen to keep your balance in check. It’s like a karma thing. 🙂
Well, I’ve had three really good things happen three days in a row…I’m disturbed slightly by this and wondering what is about to happen to balance those things out. But then I think maybe the three good things are balancing out the not so great things that had happened recently so maybe there’s no need to worry…guess I’ll find out! lol
The first good thing was getting the Agent on Thursday – by far the best of all three things! 😀 I will not blather on about it since I already wrote an entire post about it but suffice to say I am still riding high from that lol.
The second good thing was on Friday when my new roomie and I finally found a new apartment. It’s pretty sweet looking and has almost everything we want/need. We realized we were never going to find a place that had everything but this one comes pretty close. 🙂 The rooms are a good size, it’s big enough to fit all our furniture, hardwood floors, decent sized kitchen, little balcony, laundry on site, free covered parking, close to everything a person could possibly need which means I can walk to do stuff instead of drive thereby saving money on gas (which is good cause it went up to $1.40 yesterday! ack!). It’s in a totally different area of the city then where I live now so there will be the fun of getting used to a new area – something I am looking forward to and yet, not looking forward to lol.
The third good thing happened on Saturday. My day job is as an on-call nanny and for that I have to have my cpr/first aid certificate, well, the silly thing expired so I had to recertify. I always think to recertify you should be allowed to just write the test not have to retake the whole class cause geez, 9 hours being told stuff I already know? Boring! Anyways, the good thing was I passed with 100% and can continue to work my day job…ya know, until I become rich and famous lol.
So yah, a good three days. 😀 I wonder what the next three days will hold…
On the food front I have to confess, I have been about the worst Weight Watcher in the history of Weight Watchers for the past, oh, three weeks or so? *hangs head in shame* I don’t know what happened! I mean, I kinda do…I know how it started but I don’t know why I haven’t been able to get myself under control, sigh.
It all started when I got the ulcer attack, I had days of not being able to eat anything, and then when I could finally manage to eat something it was Weetabix cereal drowned in milk. Anything other then the cereal was still causing massive pain but I got to a point where I needed food – I felt like I was being starved to death and really, it’d been like a week since I had eaten properly so in my defence, I was kinda being starved…just ya know, by my own stomach’s ability to digest not by like, some psycho holding me hostage and not feeding me (I watch a lot of Criminal Minds lol)
I got to a point where I would eat something even though I knew I was gonna pay for it with pain cause I just had to eat and I got this mind set that if it’s gonna hurt no matter what I eat I might as well eat something really yummy – make the pain worth it. So I would eat whatever I wanted. I was only eating like once a day so it’s not like I was gorging multiple times a day or anything but for that one meal there were no rules. I ate pie, pizza, cookies, pasta…whatever I craved, shrug. I justified it to myself by saying “go ahead, eat whatever you want, it’s gonna be the only food that goes in you today so might as well make your taste buds happy since no matter what your stomach won’t be”
Once I started being able to eat and not feel pain all the time I did try to eat normally. Mostly cause I noticed that some foods still caused me trouble but others didn’t. I could only eat really small amounts at a time and only about twice a day so I was still feeling starved but not quite as badly lol. But see, that’s when it got bad cause the more I was able to tolerate food the more I was craving really bad for me things and it appeared my ability to say no to myself had disappeared…gain an ulcer lose my self-control? Bad trade off in my opinion. lol.
I started eating pastries, and hot cocoa, and more cookies, and more pie. Every evening I would swear that the next day I’d get back on track and the next day I might even have started it eating properly but somewhere during that day I’d make a stupid move and binge eat on something. sigh. It’s gotten to the point that I am scared to step on the scale and I can see in the mirror that I am bigger. I am poofier in the abdomenal area and my love handles are more handle-y. Combined with the bad food choices I was unable to exercise when the ulcer was really bad and when the ulcer got a bit better I was still missing boxing classes due to apartment hunting.
I’m turning in to that marshmallow dude from the Ghostbuster movie. ugh.
I’m so disgusted with myself, with how I let myself lose all my self-control in regards to food. My mindset was “I’m barely eating so I can eat whatever I want” but when I started to be able to eat again I wasn’t able to change that mindset of eating whatever I wanted and I no longer had the ulcer pain happening to stop me from eating more then once a day so I ended up going on a food binge that lasted weeks. Weeks!!!! Disgusting. 😦
I tried getting back on track last week, I started tracking, I was careful with my points, I even went for a hike cause I wasn’t going to be able to box that day and I wanted to make sure I got at least some exercise. I thought it’d be easy to get back on track but I only lasted two days. I tried again yesterday, I took food with me to the St John’s Ambulance cpr/first aid class I had to spend the day at so I wouldn’t go to the mall that was across the street and buy lunch from the food court. I was doing good yesterday, I ate a healthy breakfast before I left the apartment, ate some of the food I took but when I went to Starbucks to get hot water for the tea bag I had brought with me I bowed to the peer pressure the girl I was hanging out with in the class exerted and got a half sweet peppermint hot chocolate instead. sigh. Then, after class when I hung out with KL the plan was to get a sub from Subway to sneak in to the movie theatre, however, the food court at that mall didn’t have a Subway (we both thought it did!) and we ended up going to the movie with no food. By the time the movie was over we were so incredibly hungry we went to Red Robin’s and split an order of onion rings and we each got an entree. I got a salad, which you might not think is so bad but the salad has a lemon poppyseed dressing, candied walnuts and feta cheese on it…I calculated the points for it once-upon-a-time and I remember it was in the high teens somewhere…bad salad! Oh, and I got a side of garlic bread too…the bread had melted cheese on it…
So now today, yet another day I swore I would be good has come and gone and guess who wasn’t good? I didn’t exercise. I didn’t eat healthy, I haven’t even tracked my points or written down any of the food I ate so who knows how bad I’ve really been? I know I should calculate my points for the day but it’s so depressing seeing just how badly I’ve eaten…
Maybe I’ll manage to be better tomorrow…at this point, I can’t get much worse…*rolls eyes*
The Amazing Shrinking Woman 
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