Archive | April, 2013

I Used To Be Able To Run, Honest!

24 Apr

Oh. My. God. Monday was soย embarrassing! I hate the gym! ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Ignore me, I’m being overly dramatic (side effect of being an actor lol). I’m sure no one was watching, or watching enough to notice, but still! I embarrassed myself with my level of suckyness and that is almost worse then being embarrassed and knowing other people saw. I’m far more judgmental of myself then others seem to be of me…what’s with that? *raised eyebrow*

Anyways! Gotta shake it off! ๐Ÿ˜›

On Monday I went to the gym (like you hadn’t figured that out already? lol) and I hopped on the treadmill like always. Now, I am soooooo not a runner but last winter/summer I somehow ran enough on the freakin treadmill that I somehow accidentally became a bit of a runner. It wasn’t so much that I liked running, just that I’d become good at it and had managed to push myself to distances and speeds I never would have thought I could reach and I liked the challenge of doing even better each gym visit. Sick huh?

Towards the end of last year I was so busy with moving and work and being lazy that I stopped going to the gym as often as I used to. Didn’t think too much of it, and figured when I went back I’d pick up right where I left off. Then the car accident happened and I couldn’t go to the gym, and I started to chafe at the inactivity. I actually wanted to go and exercise but wasn’t allowed to, or capable of if I’m gonna be honest and I got in a slump. shrug. Once I was cleared for going back to the gym I did go a bit but still had to take it easy. Then dragon boat practice started up, oh, and a bit before practices started up I started hiking again and somehow, even though I was being physically active I wasn’t going anywhere near the treadmill.

Last Monday I went not just near the treadmill, but on it, and I thought I was going to die. *rolls eyes*

I started up at my regular warm up, about a minute of fast walking, then pushed the speed up to my former basic running speed. I was intending to do my interval sprints (30 seconds of sprinting, 1.5 minutes of regular running speed, for a grand total of 30 minutes) but by the time I got to where I usually start my sprints I was ready to quit, w.t.f??? I was shocked at how quickly I wanted to get off that evil contraption but there ya have it, apparently my running cardio is gone,ย kaput, out the window, dead.

This saddens me more then I thought it would. More though, it pisses me off! I worked my butt off (literally!) in my quest to become a runner. I went everyday to the stupid gym, I went when I felt sick, when I was tired, depressed, lazy, had other things to do, I skipped fun social activities to go to the gym, I pushed myself harder then I had ever been pushed, I sweated, I killed my runners, I dealt with body pains, I worked and I earned the level of running I got to. And now? Now it is all gone. Now I have to earn it all back again and all I can think about is how hard it was the first time, how much I went through, and how I don’t know if I can do that again. I don’t know that I have it in me. When I was running on Monday I seriously was ready to hop off and say screw it, nobody will ever know, I’ll just go sit on a freakin bike, those are easier. But then this guy got on the treadmill next to me and I somehow felt obligated to stay on, he blatantly looked at my treadmill screen so he saw my speed and time and if I got off so early in my “run” well, I’d be embarrassed wouldn’t I? And heaven forbid that happen! sigh. Sometimes I hate my pride lol

Well, in the end my 30 minute interval run turned in to a 20 minute slow jog, with, I am ashamed to admit, two quick stops so I could drink some water. *red faced* ย While I know any activity is good activity a huge part of me feels like why should I even bother if that is the best I can do? I had to run at a slower speed than I used to, and couldn’t maintain that for the length of time I used to run for.

I am definitely no longer a runner. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

After the treadmill I went to the free weights area, grabbed some dumbbells and did a bunch of squats etc for my legs, figured if I couldn’t run as well as I used to least I could do was work the muscles another way. I definitely worked them! It is two days later and my legs are still in pain! Good muscle pain though so I don’t mind, much. lol. ๐Ÿ˜›

I’m grateful I haven’t also lost my cardio ability when it comes to dragon boating. I can still paddle the endurance pieces coach puts us through no problem. But that kind of confuses me. How can I have good cardio in the paddling sense but sucky cardio in the running ย sense? Isn’t cardio cardio? Apparently it isn’t…but I don’t understand why. Sure paddling uses more core and running is legs but, well, I have no core strength, lol, it has always been one of my weakest areas, and now it seems like my core is stronger then my legs?? There is something way flawed with that…


Different Mirror Different View

20 Apr
what does she really see?

what does she really see?

Sometimes I really hate mirrors, specific mirrors, meeeean mirrors! lol I don’t look the same in all mirrors and I am never sure if it is my perception of myself that is different or the actual reflection in the mirror…I’m leaning towards the actual reflection with a hint of bias on my side coming in to play, but just a hint! ๐Ÿ˜‰

A good example of this is a mirror at work, I pass by this mirror multiple times a shift and I never, and I really mean Never look good in this mirror. I think this mirror hates me! *pout* I always look shorter and fatter in this mirror then I think I should. And yes, sigh, I am aware that this mirror could be showing me the truth and how I think I look is twisted and wrong but I’m pretty sure I generally think of myself as looking worse then how I actually look so why would things be the opposite with this one mirror? I have a similar style of mirror at home and I generally look well, not good cause I don’t think I can be classified that high on the looks category yet, but semi decent in it…depending on the outfit and time of day that is! lol Don’t look at me funny, you know you look thinner before you’ve had breakfast and taller in the morning then in the evening. I always look better in my mirror when I am getting ready to go out then when I have just come home lol ๐Ÿ˜›

Since my mirror at home and this mirror at work are so similar I’m not sure if I am delusional about thinking I look ok in my mirror or if the mirror at work is defective in some way…like those mirrors at fair grounds that are warped, maybe this mirror is slightly warped? Is that possible?…hmm…I’m gonna lean towards the answer being yes ๐Ÿ˜‰

There was a whole entire wall of mirrors a couple weeks back that practically gave me a panic attack about the size of my ass, lol, it’s kind of funny now but at the time I could hardly stop looking at my reflection in horror and wondering what the hell happened to give me such a booty! Seriously, those mirrors, I had some definite booty action happenin, and while it (thankfully!) looked perky and well rounded I couldn’t believe it was so, well, large! Not like it is easy to see your own ass so I kept wondering if that is what it really looks like and if so why hadn’t anybody ever told me?? My friend who was also there, when I pointed out the reflection in the mirror, seemed shocked at how big it looked and said that those mirrors mess with everyone so not to worry about it, they don’t tell the truth. I am trying really hard to take her word on that since she spends a lot of time in that room but I still can’t get that image out of my head. *rolls eyes*

Isn’t it amazing how many different reflective surfaces there are that we encounter in a day, and how differently they show us what we look like? I expect mirrors to be the most honest reflection of myself, after all, it is a mirror, but you can get great shots of yourself in glass walls, shadows, fronts of ovens/microwaves, bus stop shelters, phone screens…all over really. So, with so many options to choose from, and with most of those options giving different results, which do we trust? Any of them? Some of them? The ones we like the results of best? The ones we hate the results of most? I dunno. shrug. Guess we just have to look at the reflection shown and use some kind of hopefully not too biased judging skills to decide if what we see is right or not…piece of cake! Said no one ever! ๐Ÿ˜‰

What I need to work on is not letting that evil mirror at work ruin my mojo for the day once I have seen myself in it. I’ll go to work in a cute dress, thinking I look ok, I’ll get compliments on the dress by enough people I figure it must look good, then I pass that stupid mirror and poof! all of a sudden I am shorter and rounder and wondering why all those people are lying to me about how I look in the dress. And yes, I am aware of how lame that is thanks. ๐Ÿ˜› But we are taught to believe what we see right? So, how can I not believe what I see in that mirror? Well, I haven’t figured out how to not believe that mirror but you can bet your last nickel I will figure it out! And if I ever figure out the secret on how to not believe the reflection of a mean mirror I’ll pass it on to you cause maybe I am not the only one being fooled by these things…?


Don’t Borrow Your Calories!

19 Apr

For the love of all that tastes good Don’t Borrow Your Freakin Calories!!!!! Now don’t take offence, I’m not snapping at you, I’m snapping at myself because I have borrowed my calories at least 4 times in the past 2 weeks and it’s pissing me off, grr! *mean eyes*

What do I mean by “borrowing calories” you wonder…lemme explain! ๐Ÿ™‚

Borrowing calories is when you have a thought process that goes something like this:

hmm, should I eat that waffle? yeah, it’s ok, I’ll eat it because I am going on a 15km hike same day so it’ll balance out.

it could also go like this:

do I splurge and share the appetizer with my friend at dinner? yeah go for it! you’re going running tomorrow morning then to dragon boat practice tomorrow evening so you’ll burn it off no problem-o.

Now, you might not think there is a huge problem with those thoughts, I mean sure, I shouldn’t have the waffle at breakfast or split the appetizer at dinner but a little treat every now and then isn’t gonna kill me (immediately…lol), the problem is when the planned activity doesn’t happen. In those above instances the hike got cancelled due to being called in to work and the running and dragon boating got cancelled because of sleeping in (ok, fine, my bad!) and such an extreme wind storm the club cancelled boating practice. sigh.

The end result was I ate calories I wouldn’t of normally eaten because I was oh so sure I was going to be doing enough physical activity to counteract the calories but then ended up not doing anything to counteract the food I stuffed in my face, double sigh.

It isn’t so bad if it happens once in a blue moon, I mean, if it had only been the time my hike got cancelled cause of last minute being called in to work then hey, not so bad, I wouldn’t be upset about it. But this has happened one too many times for my comfort level lately, ya know?

Must. Be. More. Careful.

I’ve been trying to figure out how to better prepare for possibilities like this but really, how do you prepare for the unexpected? I think the only action to take is to be more diligent with the food I eat and be less lenient with treats and splurges. Also, I have to break the idea of eating something and then planning to exercise it off later. Instead it should be reversed. If I want to have a treat of some kind, I need to earn it by exercising first and enjoying the treat later.

Basically, bribe myself to work out lol ๐Ÿ˜›

I’ll have a more structured work out schedule for the rest of dragon boat season because I am now paddling with two teams, yah! So I have practice Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday nights and Saturday morning. The Saturday morning practice may kill me…8:30am is a tad early for exercising in my world but whatcha gonna do? *raised eyebrow* Tuesday and Thursday mornings I usually go hiking or to the gym (depends on weather and my mood) and the other days of the week are all in flux. I don’t have them scheduled yet but I’ll sort something out. I usually hike either Sunday or Monday after work…hmm, lemme put this down in some kind of order:

Monday: usually hike after work, or gym, or biking with KL

Tuesday: gym or hike in morning, dragon boat practice in evening

Wednesday: dragon boat practice in evening

Thursday: gym or hike in morning, dragon boat practice in evening

Friday: not gonna lie, usually nothing, I sleep in before going to work lol

Saturday: dragon boat practice early morning

Sunday: usually hike after work, or gym

Sooooo, that is one day I for sure do nothing (Fridays) and two days of possibly nothing if I flake cause the activities are not planned (Sundays, Mondays). All the other days I am for sure doing something…that’s not soooo bad. Not the guaranteed 6 days of intense physical activity I was doing last summer but I’m working up to that, sorta…I don’t know why it’s so much harder to get my ass in gear this year, sigh, but I’ve gotta come up with something to provide extra motivation and I don’t think bribing myself with a potential waffle is the way to go! lol ๐Ÿ˜›

Flax Seed: Quickest Way to Make Your Food Taste Weird

1 Apr

Well, this whole eating flax seed idea of mine was not a good one. Yup, that’s right, I admit it, I had a bad idea, shocking huh? ๐Ÿ˜‰

I had my first serving of the stuff two days ago, I sprinkled it on some cereal (sssh! I’m not supposed to be eating cereal anymore but lets keep that between you an I m’kay? teehee) and it didn’t seem so bad. It added a nutty flavour to my cereal that normally isn’t there but since I like nuts I was sorta ok with this. Some spoonfuls were more intense in the nut flavour then other spoonfuls, I didn’t particularly care for those spoonfuls but hey, that’s why I had a big ol glass of water beside me lol. Just in case… ๐Ÿ™‚

It seemed like this whole flax seed idea was going to pan out…oh me and my silly early optimism!

Yesterday after work I went for a hike then when I got home made a protein shake. Now here’s the deal, I love my protein shake! It is by far one of the tastiest things I eat/drink, and that isn’t because all the other stuff I eat/drink sucks, it is because I make an awesome protein shake. It has the protein powder (duh), yogurt, frozen mixed berries, half a banana, omega 3 oil, vege powder and almond milk. This combines to make a fruity yummy drink. Well ok, since I started adding the vege powder it isn’t as great, that powder is flavoured as a berry (can’t think of the specific berry right now) and it’s a bit too strong of a flavour for my preference, it overpowers the real fruit, what’s with that?? But it’s my own fault, if I ate enough fruits and veggies in a day I wouldn’t need the powder so can’t really bitch about it all that much…well, out loud ๐Ÿ˜‰ I thought adding the flax seed to the protein shake was a brilliant idea! Sure, it is a nutty flavour but all the other stuff would mask it so it wouldn’t be a big deal, right?

Oh how wrong I was!

The flax seed totally took over the protein shake, as in a hostile takeover, I am surprised the shake survived. Ugh. It was a funny colour and tasted nasty! And I mean nasteeeeeeeeeeee! Double ugh. I hated it. I drank it. But I hated it. It has never taken me so long to drink something in my life. I’d take a sip, force myself to swallow, grimace, contemplate giving up, realize I can’t, take another sip then repeat the whole process again lol. ๐Ÿ˜ฆ

Never again will I be defiling my protein shake in that way!

Today I failed completely on the flax seed mission. I had a huge lunch at work, way bigger then I wanted (the chef likes to over feed me *rolls eyes* so even though I say no he loads me down with food and I hate to waste food so I usually end up eating more then what I want). This meant that when I got home dinner was not anywhere on my mind. I nibbled on some random stuff throughout the evening but didn’t actually eat anything that could be called a meal, or food really (I nibbled on candy, also pushed on me at work, sigh, I am so weak sometimes) and I’m sorry but no way can I sprinkle flax seed on easter candy, for one thing it wouldn’t stick and secondly, that is defiling innocent candy and I can’t be a party to such behaviour. *sticks nose up in the air*

I guess I could go dissolve some in a glass of water or something but really, who am I kidding? I’m not having the flax seed today. After yesterdays debacle with it I’m not all that upset about the lack of it today, not gonna lie. I will however do my best to get back on the flax seed bandwagon tomorrow. I am usually healthier on my days off (those are the next three days) so I should have an easier time fitting it in to my food, I’ll just sprinkle a little bit on everything, make everything taste weird! lol ๐Ÿ˜›

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