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30-ish

13 Jun

Alrighty so today was THE day, the day I was stepping on…dun-dun-dunnn…the scale! (insert scream here!)

It was NOT a pleasant experience at all! 😦

Everything started off ok, I got the new battery in, chose a flat non-carpeted spot to place it (as per the sticker on the bottom), stood on it once to get it calibrated (still following what the sticker said). According to the sticker you step on, wait till it flashes a number, ignore the number, step off, wait till the screen goes blank then step back on because only after all that is the scale actually able to properly weigh you.

I gotta say, after all that, the number that showed up on that stupid silly little digital screen made me so upset I couldn’t decide if I should hit something, cry, pout, break the scale, crawl back in to bed and hide or immediately sell my car so I could find a doctor and get liposuction.

Of course I did none of those things,  I hopped in the shower with that horrible horrible number repeating itself in my head and gazed blindly at the wall of the shower wondering what the hell happened. How had I let that happen?? Talk about epic fail.

I had thought I’d gained 10-15 pounds from the last time I weighed myself, which, in case you are wondering was hmm, two years or so ago? I stopped weighing myself when I started building more muscle and the scale number stopped giving me proper feedback on my progress. Um yeah, no, according to the scale I have gone up 30 pounds. THIRTY POUNDS!!!

fat cat 2

I just don’t get it, I mean yeah I have gone up a pant size, but usually a pant size is 10 pounds, and my top half hasn’t changed size in years, where are these thirty pounds? Where?!?!

Why didn’t any of my friends give me a heads up I was headed back in to porker land? Aren’t friends supposed to tell you things like this? 😦

pig

I’m so mad about that number!

A friend of mine, who is also a co-worker, was at work today and I spoke to her, I was in such a funk and I needed to vent to someone. Turns out she doesn’t even own a scale so as soon as I said I stepped on one she was asking me why I would do that lol Only the supremely fit wonder why the rest of us rely so much on the scale *rolls eyes* She is a personal trainer and couldn’t believe the number the scale gave me. She also said that:

(1) the scale can’t tell the difference between fat and muscle and since we’ve known each other (about a year) I’ve put on muscle

(2) unless it is one of the scales that tells you your body fat percentage, muscle and water retention the number doesn’t mean anything

(3) if I’m wearing the same, or close to the same clothing size as before then the change in number can’t all be fat gain

(4) never pay attention to a scale

During our convo another co-worker walked in and heard what we were talking about, she said she gained 40 pounds in a year so my weight gain is a totally possible thing to which my friend asked about her clothing sizes and she admitted she went up 4 clothing sizes in that one year…so she most likely gained fat (I’m not being mean, she is the one who said that!) where as I apparently gained some combo of fat and muscle…I just don’t get it, sigh. I mean, I get it in theory, but that doesn’t help me with how I’m feeling right now.

It especially doesn’t help that I have an audition tomorrow and have to be in a swimsuit. 😦

So I don’t know what to do…I was freaking out when still at home and getting ready for work and decided that things need to change asap. I made my healthy breakfast (dropped an egg on the floor while doing it, ugh, messy!), made a healthy dinner to take to work (which I accidentally left on the counter when I left for work so I had to throw it out when I got home, talk about a day for wasting food, sigh), decided I am no longer eating food from work unless it is legit healthy or I stupidly leave my healthy food at home *rolls eyes* and I took workout gear with me so when I was done at 9pm I changed at work and went for a run in the area I work. I find by the time I get home at 9:30pm it is too dark to run but if I run at 9pm it is still decently light outside hence the running where I work.

I was paranoid about how I looked when I left the house but while at work I went to the washroom and thought I looked good in the mirror…am I trying to subconsciously delude myself about how bad the situation has gotten? Are my eyes tricking me? Maybe the mirror is faulty?

When I was finished at work and changed in to my workout gear I could see all my problem spots but I was still confused about the change in number, no way I would have been able to wear the t-shirt I was wearing the last time I weighed this amount, it is too slim fitting, and I only bought these work out pants when I was a lower weight then I am now (about 15 pounds lighter than I am now) but they still fit and more importantly they still look good.

So what gives?

I’ve decided to let that number spur me in to motion, be my reason for moving more, eating better, being fitter. I hate that number and even though I have no idea how much of it is fat and how much of it is muscle, I don’t care, I still hate it and I want it to get smaller. I will make it smaller!

More workouts at the gym, more evening runs after work, more proper meals, more focus, more dedication, more pushing myself.

More!

never quit again

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2 Responses to “30-ish”

  1. FatnForty June 14, 2014 at 7:48 am #

    You are not (!!!!) a number. The scale can not tell you that you are strong, you are beautiful, you are loved. (I love reading your blog, for example). You are smart and funny and totally kick-ass. Also scales suck. And yours is probably broken.

    • shrinkingwmn June 16, 2014 at 11:38 pm #

      Thank You! 🙂 That made me smile which made me feel better about the whole thing. I like the picture!

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