Tag Archives: food journal

Peering Over My Shoulder

24 Jan

Today is day two of my Food Journal and I am surprised at how much my food choices were affected by the knowledge someone was going to be reading (and judging!) my eating habits. Who’d of thunk it? lol

I wanted to eat pizza but didn’t because I didn’t want the trainer to read that I ate pizza, just like I didn’t eat a whole whack load of other things today because of the judgement that will be passed on my food choices.

It’s like Big Brother or George Orwell but in a smaller way. πŸ˜›

Normally I try to not let other peoples judgements of me affect my behaviour. I mean yeah ok, I know it does but I try to not let it affect me too too much. This time though, I am choosing to alter my behaviour because I know what I want to do is “bad” and having someone figuratively looking over my shoulder keeps me from indulging in the self -destructive behaviours that will do nothing good for me. It’s like having a little coach on my shoulder helping me to resist the foods I shouldn’t be eating. It’s so much easier to decide to not eat something when I know he will be reading my food journal on Wednesday.

Lately I’ve been eating foods I shouldn’t be, I’ve been eating foods in larger quantities than I should be and to top off those oh-so-lovely decisions I haven’t been exercising nearly as often as I should be. This has resulted in me feeling icky, slower than normal, fatter…even though I know my food choices are making me feel this way I can’t seem to stop my behaviour, or at least I wasn’t able to until today. Today though, when I thought about eating pizza, even though I wanted it, I kept thinking “nope cause he’ll read it”. Even though I know I shouldn’t be eating it, and normally that knowledge would be enough to stop me, lately knowing that isn’t enough, buuuut knowing someone else is going to know what I was eating was enough.

I don’t know why I am needing an outsider to help me have self-control over my food but I do and luckily for right now I have one, yay! πŸ˜€

Don’t think I managed to eat perfectly today, I didn’t, but I did manage to minimize the screw ups which is nice, lol. πŸ™‚

I didn’t make it to the gym but I did go for a nice walk to the grocery store which I am going to pretend counts as exercise lol I used my Runtastic App to track the walk there, paused it while I was shopping then restarted it on the walk home. I’m cranky with myself because I forgot to restart it right away so the info is a bit wrong because it didn’t track the entire walk home. What I have from it says I walked 3.16km and it took me 1:07:17. It is a pathetic distance and if I was going running or hiking I’d put my nose in the air at such a short distance but hey, I can’t control where the store is lol and I’d like to point out that the walk home had me carrying two fairly heavy grocery bags. Not like I didn’t know I was going to be buying food but I didn’t take in to account how heavy some of the items would be, especially when they are stuffed in to two bags lol

The walk home got me thinking about weight I have already lost. I don’t know the exact weight of the two bags but I know they weighed enough my arms were hurting from carrying them, the straps were digging in to my hands and my breathing became a bit laboured. Not hugely laboured, if I’d been walking with someone I’d have still been able to talk but I was breathing heavier and faster than normal. I made sure to walk the same pace I normally walk, even with the addition of the bags, hoping to turn the walk in to a bit more of a work out.

When I started breathing heavier I started thinking about the extra weight I was carrying, how at one point, not all that long ago that extra weight wouldn’t have been weight in a bag but weight that was on my body. I realized that if I was doing that walk a couple years ago I might have been breathing heavily not because I was holding something but just because my body was that much larger, and more out of shape then it is now, and if walking that distance/elevation would have made me out of breath just from walking how much worse would it have been if I was carrying my groceries back home? It’s an unsettling thought…

It’s easy to forget how far I have come, how much I have changed (for the better), how 3-4 years ago I would have been so happy at the thought of being how I am now. Because now, all I think about is how much farther I have to go and how I never seem to be able to get there. I think about how much I still want to change and how I seem to be at a level that asks more of me than I am able to give. I know I won’t get results without putting in the work, I know I won’t reach my dreams without making an effort, I know I have to do more than I am doing now to get where I want to be but in the day-to-day act of living I seem to forget the larger far-reaching goal and I focus on the in-the-moment gratification.

how far

A small sacrifice now will make for a happier future me. I used to know that deep in my bones, I didn’t even have to remind myself when offered something tempting because it was one of the mantras I lived, but lately, sigh, lately I don’t think that automatically, I don’t even remind myself when having to make a choice, I just say “screw it” to having impulse control and eat whatever – or at least that is how it feels to me.

It’s important to remember how far I have come while not letting go of the lessons I have learned along the way and using that knowledge to keep me on the path to a healthier, fitter, happier me. I guess sometimes I just need a kick in the butt to remember! πŸ˜›


A New Beginning?

23 Jan

I volunteer as a Big Sister, my little sister is 16 and we get along really well. The Big Sisters Organization sent us some gift certificates for a local gym that specializes in you working with a personal trainer. The gift certificates entitle us to an assessment, having a program made for us (individually I mean) and two training sessions. It’s a pretty sweet deal actually. πŸ™‚

Today the lil sis an I went for our first consultation and oh wow were there a lot of questions lol The entire time was spent answering all types of questions about well, anything and everything concerning injuries, past and present physical activity levels, eating habits and more.

We were given homework, we each have to keep a food journal for a week and take it to the trainer when we see him next Wednesday so he can see what our eating habits are like and give us advice on them. He said there are two ways to go about the food journals, (1) eat what we think he wants us to eat and write that down, the trick there is that we have to be able to maintain those eating habits for longer than the week or (2) write down the truth. πŸ˜›

I have opted for writing down the truth and I’m almost looking forward to seeing the reaction he will have when he reads my eating habits lol Except for when I tracked my food for weight watchers and wrote that down on this blog waaaaay back in the beginning of this blog nobody has seen what I eat on a day to day basis. Which admittedly isn’t all that odd cause really, how often does somebody see or read about every morsel of food you put in to your mouth? πŸ˜‰ I know my eating habits are all over the place and I’m actually looking forward to having an expert help me figure out what I should be doing food wise. Mildly nervous but still looking forward to it lol

Next week we will undergo physical fitness assessments, so we’ll have to do a bunch of different activities that will measure cardio, strength, flexibility and, hmm…I’m sure there is one more…nope, totally blanking on what that is, shrug, oh well. lol We will also have our body fat % figured out and we’ll each be given an exercise plan and taught how to do the various exercises in that plan. Then I guess we go back once per week for the next two weeks to actually work out with the trainer and after that I dunno what happens, I guess that is when we decide if we want to keep working with him and paying for his services our go our own way and hope we learned a lot.

I know my lil sis won’t be able to stay with him because even though I don’t know what he charges I know it’ll be a lot and she most likely won’t be able to afford it. Frankly, I can’t afford to work with a trainer on a regular basis either, which kinda sucks cause I really wish I could. I think knowing I was accountable to them, knowing I had to show up or lose the money I was paying for that session, knowing that someone was actually tracking my improvements or lack there of would help me to stay motivated on my lazy days, heck, on every day not just the lazy ones. If I like how the rest of our sessions with him go I might see about meeting with him once a month to keep me on track, depending on how much that would cost. But that decision is a while away so no need to really think about it yet! πŸ™‚

I’m trying to look at this personal trainer experience as a new beginning in my weight loss/strength training world, I’m hoping what I will learn from him and knowing I will be seeing him again in a week and wanting to be slightly better than the last visit will help get me on track. I think once I am back in a routine, back on track so to speak, I will be able to maintain it, I usually can. I do so much better at exercising regularly during dragon boat season, I just need to get that drive back and have that drive push me in to the gym, or on to a hiking trail, or running around the neighbourhood lol Anything! *rolls eyes*

I keep trying to remember this

I keep trying to remember this

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