Tag Archives: pizza

Peering Over My Shoulder

24 Jan

Today is day two of my Food Journal and I am surprised at how much my food choices were affected by the knowledge someone was going to be reading (and judging!) my eating habits. Who’d of thunk it? lol

I wanted to eat pizza but didn’t because I didn’t want the trainer to read that I ate pizza, just like I didn’t eat a whole whack load of other things today because of the judgement that will be passed on my food choices.

It’s like Big Brother or George Orwell but in a smaller way. 😛

Normally I try to not let other peoples judgements of me affect my behaviour. I mean yeah ok, I know it does but I try to not let it affect me too too much. This time though, I am choosing to alter my behaviour because I know what I want to do is “bad” and having someone figuratively looking over my shoulder keeps me from indulging in the self -destructive behaviours that will do nothing good for me. It’s like having a little coach on my shoulder helping me to resist the foods I shouldn’t be eating. It’s so much easier to decide to not eat something when I know he will be reading my food journal on Wednesday.

Lately I’ve been eating foods I shouldn’t be, I’ve been eating foods in larger quantities than I should be and to top off those oh-so-lovely decisions I haven’t been exercising nearly as often as I should be. This has resulted in me feeling icky, slower than normal, fatter…even though I know my food choices are making me feel this way I can’t seem to stop my behaviour, or at least I wasn’t able to until today. Today though, when I thought about eating pizza, even though I wanted it, I kept thinking “nope cause he’ll read it”. Even though I know I shouldn’t be eating it, and normally that knowledge would be enough to stop me, lately knowing that isn’t enough, buuuut knowing someone else is going to know what I was eating was enough.

I don’t know why I am needing an outsider to help me have self-control over my food but I do and luckily for right now I have one, yay! 😀

Don’t think I managed to eat perfectly today, I didn’t, but I did manage to minimize the screw ups which is nice, lol. 🙂

I didn’t make it to the gym but I did go for a nice walk to the grocery store which I am going to pretend counts as exercise lol I used my Runtastic App to track the walk there, paused it while I was shopping then restarted it on the walk home. I’m cranky with myself because I forgot to restart it right away so the info is a bit wrong because it didn’t track the entire walk home. What I have from it says I walked 3.16km and it took me 1:07:17. It is a pathetic distance and if I was going running or hiking I’d put my nose in the air at such a short distance but hey, I can’t control where the store is lol and I’d like to point out that the walk home had me carrying two fairly heavy grocery bags. Not like I didn’t know I was going to be buying food but I didn’t take in to account how heavy some of the items would be, especially when they are stuffed in to two bags lol

The walk home got me thinking about weight I have already lost. I don’t know the exact weight of the two bags but I know they weighed enough my arms were hurting from carrying them, the straps were digging in to my hands and my breathing became a bit laboured. Not hugely laboured, if I’d been walking with someone I’d have still been able to talk but I was breathing heavier and faster than normal. I made sure to walk the same pace I normally walk, even with the addition of the bags, hoping to turn the walk in to a bit more of a work out.

When I started breathing heavier I started thinking about the extra weight I was carrying, how at one point, not all that long ago that extra weight wouldn’t have been weight in a bag but weight that was on my body. I realized that if I was doing that walk a couple years ago I might have been breathing heavily not because I was holding something but just because my body was that much larger, and more out of shape then it is now, and if walking that distance/elevation would have made me out of breath just from walking how much worse would it have been if I was carrying my groceries back home? It’s an unsettling thought…

It’s easy to forget how far I have come, how much I have changed (for the better), how 3-4 years ago I would have been so happy at the thought of being how I am now. Because now, all I think about is how much farther I have to go and how I never seem to be able to get there. I think about how much I still want to change and how I seem to be at a level that asks more of me than I am able to give. I know I won’t get results without putting in the work, I know I won’t reach my dreams without making an effort, I know I have to do more than I am doing now to get where I want to be but in the day-to-day act of living I seem to forget the larger far-reaching goal and I focus on the in-the-moment gratification.

how far

A small sacrifice now will make for a happier future me. I used to know that deep in my bones, I didn’t even have to remind myself when offered something tempting because it was one of the mantras I lived, but lately, sigh, lately I don’t think that automatically, I don’t even remind myself when having to make a choice, I just say “screw it” to having impulse control and eat whatever – or at least that is how it feels to me.

It’s important to remember how far I have come while not letting go of the lessons I have learned along the way and using that knowledge to keep me on the path to a healthier, fitter, happier me. I guess sometimes I just need a kick in the butt to remember! 😛

 

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A Slightly Delayed Thanksgiving Post

15 Oct

So happy belated Thanksgiving from me to you! 🙂

To be honest I am not a huge Thanksgiving Holiday person, it was never a big thing in my family and a lot of times it seems people use it as an excuse to overeat, shrug. Having said that, my Thanksgiving meal is pizza and if that isn’t overindulging in a bad for me food well then I don’t know what is lol. 😛

Since I work weekends and my family are all a province away (or farther) I spent Thanksgiving weekend doing what I normally do. Working. With a boat race thrown in for good measure. Which, if you consider how much racing I have done this past summer, the boat race this past weekend still counts as what I normally do lol.

It was a different boat race then normal though, a fun race! As in, no medals, no stress, just an end of season festival where instead of racing in dragon boats we race in canoes and the third race of the day is an obstacle course. The races are in a river, a cooooold river! Almost every year a boat tips, teehee, and the shortest race is 1000m. The entire day can be summed up in one word: Epic.

Let me describe the awesomeness of the obstacle course to you, or at least try…

We start off facing a bridge but are a fair distance away from it, the race starts! Everyone battles to be the first to get to the bridge because from the bridge pumpkins have been dropped in to the river, you have to scoop a pumpkin out of the water before passing under the bridge. Harder then it sounds! After getting your pumpkin you complete a 1000m Y-shaped turn, go back under the bridge, do a loop around a buoy then beach your boat, one person gets out, takes their paddle with them, balances a cup of juice on the end of the paddle and runs/walks from Spot A to Spot B without spilling. Once they get to Spot B they are given a bag of cranberries. Then they run back to the boat, hop on in and you are off! We then do another loop around the buoy, go back under the bridge and paddle till we cross the finish line. The entire length of the race is (I believe) 3000m…I’m always a little unsure about race lengths in this festival. Suffice to say, this race is long, and oh so much fun! Because there are turns during the races at this festival, and we are all in canoes instead of dragon boats, there are crashes on the water, boats getting tipped, general mayhem and minor levels of violence, but all in good fun! 😀

The pumpkin scooped outta the river after being dropped from a bridge. This pumpkin has had quite the adventure!

The pumpkin scooped outta the river after being dropped from a bridge. This pumpkin has had quite the adventure!

By 7pm Saturday night I was exhausted lol A long day racing, with longer than normal race lengths, all I wanted was my bed. 😛 I heated my muscles a bit when I got home since they were already seizing a bit then crawled in to bed, oh man that felt good lol. Sunday though I woke up for work and did not feel well. 😦 I thought it was just cause of being tired from the day before but alas, I was wrong. I seem to have caught some sort of bug, I’m not sure what it is. I had no appetite all day Sunday but ate breakfast and lunch when at work cause I kept thinking if I don’t eat I’ll be hungry when I no longer am on break and then I’ll be screwed. When I got home from work I had a nap, a freakishly long nap, started at 3:30p and lasted till about 8pm! Who does that?! I got up for a bit, had tea and toast (my cure for pretty much everything), felt sicker because of it and went back to bed. Slept till I had to be up for work at 5:20am Monday…that is a lot of sleep! Despite all that sleep I spent Monday tired and not hungry and headachey and just not feeling well. My main thought during all that? “Crap! No Thanksgiving pizza for me if  feel like this! Sadness!” I was really looking forward to my pizza but just the thought of food made me feel sick, let alone having to actually eat it, ugh.

Luckily today was a day off, yay! I let myself sleep till my body chose to wake up, which anybody who knows me knows that means I slept in lol helped a friend for a tiny bit of time with his move then spent the rest of the day alternating between staring like a zombie at the tv and dozing off in my living room chair while attempting to get fluids in me by sipping ginger ale and water. I know I am unwell when I don’t drink endless cups of tea! I’ve only had two cups today, and the second one I didn’t really want, I just felt weird not having drunk a lot of tea so I made it and forced myself to drink it cause duuude, you can’t waste tea! 😉

I’m hoping tomorrow I’ll be better, I don’t want to waste my days off not having the energy to do anything!

Despite catching whatever the heck it is I caught I had a good weekend. Any weekend I am on the water racing is a good weekend in my world. 🙂  Saturday night, as I was moving slowly around my apartment because my muscles were already letting me know just how sore they were from the day I realized something I was thankful for, which seemed pretty well timed considering it was Thanksgiving weekend.

I am so thankful that I am physically able to take part in the various activities I take part in. I may bitch because muscles hurt, or I’m lazy and don’t want to go to the gym or it’s cold on the water but I am well aware not everyone can take part in dragon boating, or hitting up the gym, or zumba, or boxing, or hiking or any of the other stuff I do because of physical limitations. I had a long amount of time where I was one of those people. I couldn’t walk. My knee was messed up too badly, my entire left leg was useless. I used to have dreams of being able to walk again, that was it, just walk, without my crutches or a cane, it seemed like it was never going to happen. Now I run, I hike, I do squats, I dragon boat, I dance, I snowshoe, I do whatever I want. And while everyday I take a moment to be grateful for being able to walk I don’t think I ever really took a moment to be consciously grateful for being able to do all the other activities I do. I forgot. I took for granted that I could do all these things.

But not Saturday.

Saturday, when both my knees were barely working because of how badly bruised they got from the boat, when my butt, my back, my shoulders and my arms were all in intense pain and any movement caused me to wince and swear, when stretching made things pop in my back, that is when I had a moment of clarity. That is when I realized I am lucky beyond belief that I was able to be feeling that pain. I am so grateful my body works as well as it does. I am so Thankful I have a loving family and amazing friends who stuck by me while I was injured and who cheer me on now that I am able to be active again.

I will make sure I don’t forget, just like I don’t forget to be grateful I can walk. 🙂

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1:00:98

6 May
Grr! I am dragon, hear me roar!

Grr! I am dragon, hear me roar!

Yesterday was the first dragon boat race festival of our season! 🙂 Soooooo much fun! I love race days! I mean yeah, I love practices too but it’s nice to go as a team and put all your hard work to the test ya know?

For this festival instead of the regular 20 person boats all teams were split in to two and raced in 10 person boats. So even though our team was still our team for this one day we split in to Team Blue and Team Black, not the most original granted but whatever, it’s one day! 😛

I was on Team Black which pleased me immensely since I look better in black, it’s oh-so-slimming 😉 lol

Each team had three races. Our first race didn’t go all that well due to technical difficulties with the boat. We finished…but that’s all I can say about it. *downcast eyes* We didn’t wallow though, we got back to the tent, had a debriefing and decided to forget about it, move on, make the next race count! And oh man did we ev-ah!

Our second race we came in first place with a time of 1:02 or 1:04, I can’t remember which…just focus on me saying the words “First Place” 😀 then picture a happy dance cause even though I am sitting and typing in my head I am so doing one teehee

Our third race we came in, *dun*dun*dun*…First Place!!!! wOOt! with a time of 1:00:98! Not only did we come in first place but we beat the boat that came in second place by a boat length (or so I am told, you can’t really tell when you are racing, you’re too focused on your boat). Aaaaaand, the other half of our team was watching and cheering us on (which fyi totally helps you push even harder) and one of the girls said a person standing near them who was also watching the race said something along the lines of “look at the team that’s in the lead, they look like a machine” O.M.G!! That’s so awesome! That is quite possibly one of the best compliments you can give cause it means we were all in time, we had a good paddling rate, good paddling strength and all of that combines to make us something to look at. 😀 *even crazier happy dance*

Talk about making a comeback, redeeming ourselves, showing we aren’t a team to be ignored! Can you tell I am still high from the excitement of yesterday? lol

It was such a great way to start the season. Sure, the first race didn’t go as planned but we regrouped, came together as a team, moved past it, and proved to others (but more importantly to ourselves) that we are a strong team. 🙂

We don’t have another race festival until June and that kinda makes me sad, it seems sooooo far away but we will use that time to get even better and who knows what we will accomplish there?!

After, the team did pizza and beer and chilled, the weather was gorgeous so we took advantage of it and stayed outside. We have a huge team tent so we had shade thank goodness. I was a sunscreen nut-job all day, applying and re-applying throughout the day. I was all proud of myself of not getting burned…then I got home and saw my scalp, ouch! Totally burned my scalp where my hair was parted, this is especially annoying (and painful) since I burned that same hairline two weeks ago and it hadn’t finished healing yet, oh dear. I’m a tad annoyed with Coppertone since I sunscreened the part in my hair multiple times throughout the day with their product and it apparently did nothing. Grr to Coppertone! Grr!

Minus the sunburn it was a perfect day – can’t wait for the next one! 🙂

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Been Gone A While

23 Jan

So I’ve been gone a while, I hadn’t even realized how long until the other day when I logged in and saw when I last posted and I immediately thought “aw crap, I’ve been gone way longer then I thought”. I did want to post that day, I had a topic and a vague idea in my head about what I was going to write but the entire site was blacked out in protest, seriously? I finally get my ass back on to wordpress and it’s all blacked out?? What are the odds? *rolls eyes*

Any normal person would have just said ah well and logged on the next day, written their post then, but I am not normal in any way and somehow that just didn’t happen…I think cause I was busy with, ya know, life…or something resembling it anyways…

Here’s a little catch up on things:

I got back from Alberta safe and sound, got back to my apartment to find my roomie’s cat was crazy sick (some kind of cat cold) and she hadn’t even noticed (the poor thing was having sneezing fits lasting 10 sneezes or longer at a time, and his poor darker coloured then normal really wet nose, sigh). I ended up hanging at the house for a couple days right after getting home nursing the poor cat back to health (may I remind you, it’s not even MY cat!!) but I can’t let him suffer alone just because his owner doesn’t pay attention or want to take him to a vet, sigh.

The guy I was seeing and I broke up so I spent some days wallowing in self-pity, depression, despair, sadness – doing all the things girls do at a time like this (I watched Dirty Dancing and got drunk and ate pie). What made it even better was my roomie was dumped two days before my break up so there were two of us going through this together…the amount of chocolate and pizza that has been in this apartment since those days is amazing. Then I decided to give myself a good kick in the ass cause what kind of girl am I? The whiny crying stupid kind? Hell No! I had a really good couple of days where I hit the gym, stopped listening to depressing music, starting wearing makeup again (it’s amazing how pathetic I got…) and then I ended up going for dinner with a friend who spent the entire time yapping about her new boyfriend and how happy she is and how great he is and how wonderful being in a relationship is and blah blah fucken blah…I couldn’t wait to get away. So that dumped me back down in to a pit of despair. I know! I’m rolling eyes at myself right now, I am well aware how pathetic I was (am?).

During this I pulled myself together and met with a guy who went to the same film school as I but a couple years prior, he is starting his own production company and we had a meeting (ie interview) to see about collaborating together, sweet! He wants to get a team of actors and crew and writers together, start filming small scenes that showcase the writing and acting skill/talent of the people involved, then show those to backers and get funding so we can film small films and enter them in to Film Festivals and then get more backing from that and film Feature Films. How awesome is that?! He really liked my demo reel and we are meeting this week to go over the first script he wants me to work on, he said at the interview he already had two characters he thought I’d be great for and he now has a third (which I will be learning more about this week), so way excited for that! There is no money involved, because it’s all entry level, all a bunch of us who are just starting and trying to find a crack in the industry wall that we can get through to get noticed but hey, at least I’m trying. 🙂 The Production Company is going to be focused on sci-fi/fantasy so I’m betting I’ll be working on some pretty crazy scripts, yah!

What else? Oh yeah, I damaged the back bumper of my suv, sadness. I was reversing on a twisty narrow road that cuts through a forest on a freakishly steep hill in the pouring rain as the sun was setting and a tree that had fallen and was partially crossing the path came in to contact (painful contact) with my rear bumper. sigh. I am fairly certain it is cosmetic damage, but by the time I was leaving the area it was too dark to check out the suv (and there is always the fear of wild animals deciding to jump out and eat you…not even joking!) so I waited till I got back and parked in the underground parking that comes with my apartment, turns out I brought part of the frickin tree home with me, all squished in to the crack that is now in my bumper. Awesome huh?

Oh and lastly, my roomie convinced me to start a Plenty of Fish account (for those of you that don’t know it’s a dating website) because she thinks the best way to get over my ex is to start dating someone else. I don’t know about this logic but am willing to give it a try I guess, shrug. Well, turns out I seem to hold a lot of appeal for random guys on dating websites as I have been getting weird emails to my account inbox since I opened the silly thing, which was oh about, 24 hours ago? *rolls eyes* I started emailing with one guy and we are tentatively making plans to meet for coffee this week but I dunno, now that the plans are being made I don’t know that I want to go through with it…I’m not really into this whole internet dating thing, I always think it’s better to meet people the old fashioned way, ya know, in person? Seems to be a dying trend though, shrug.

How does any of this relate to my weight watchers? Well, it kinda does kinda doesn’t. I haven’t been tracking but I have been measuring and portioning my foods (well, except for the “dark days” when I pretty much stopped eating completely, then the couple days after that where I lived off pizza, pie and chocolate…but we won’t go in to that lol) I have been getting to the gym about 3 times a week and the days I don’t go to the gym I make sure to walk somewhere that is a decent walking distance away, so the grocery store, the seabus terminal, purolator…basically, I look at it as there is no physical reason I can not walk to do my errands so walk them I will. It’s working out well. The walking gives me time to get outside, breath fresh air, listen to my iPod and just be by myself but not isolated in my apartment. It’s been almost therapeutic and the days I don’t walk somewhere I find a little sad. Oh, I took a kick boxing class last week, it was alright, not as good as my boxing classes were but decent.

I am reading the books to learn how to do the Points Plus Program and will be starting that soon, perhaps tomorrow? I haven’t finished reading the book yet but maybe I will finally get through it tomorrow. It’s funny, I got so used to the old program and when people would ask I’d say how it’s so easy, nuthin to it, stuff like that, I forgot how overwhelming it can be to read that first book of the program and be introduced all at once to all the crap you have to remember/know/learn, all the rules you will have to follow, just all that stuff. I am reading this book for the new program and just keep thinking I should be taking notes somewhere cause this seems like a lot to have to remember and am I going to want to flip through this book everytime I need to refresh myself about something? But oh well.  I am a (vaguely) smart individual who should be able to figure this out…and if all else fails I’ll call my mom, she’s on this plan so she’ll have answers to all my questions lol.

Oh, and if you’re wondering, yes I am still doing Weight Watchers unofficially, so no going to meetings or using the online support tools for me, I’m still poor, shrug. 😛 A whole new Weight Watcher’s adventure is about to start for me!…I really hope this new program gets me off my plateau, here’s hoping! 😀

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Thanksgiving Long Weekend

10 Oct

For those of you reading this who are not in Canada it is Thanksgiving Weekend – gobble gobble lol. Thanksgiving is a bigger deal in the States then in Canada (there’s some huge shopping day in the States after their Thanksgiving) but it’s not like it’s ignored here…well, by people who are not me lol. 😛

The “traditional” Thanksgiving celebration is a family congregates at some point during the long weekend and eats turkey with all the trimmings – and dude, who doesn’t like a full out turkey dinner? It’s like an early Christmas meal lol.

In my family every Thanksgiving long weekend my dad would go visit his mom (Grandma was in a different province so he was gone the entire time) and mom would order us a pizza, I think we’d usually rent a movie as well but I might be wrong about that…for sure though we had pizza. 😀 I loooooove pizza so I was uber happy with this deal since we didn’t order it in very often (my dad has an aversion to cooked cheese and the smell of it distresses his stomach…also, why order a pizza for dinner when one of the people in the house wouldn’t be able to eat it? kinda rude…) I looked forward to this pizza every year lol.

I remember the first year we had Thanksgiving after my Grandma passed away, mom decided to do the turkey dinner thing, I was upset cause I wanted our traditional pizza lol. Random huh?

Since I moved to BC Thanksgiving has been different every year. The first year I was in school so my entire class got together and had a potluck, we had some “traditional” foods, like stuffing, but we also had things like home made macaroni and cheese, some Chinese food, this chicken thing, a tofu dish…it was whatever people wanted to bring so a really random combo of foods. It was great!

The second year my roomie and I had a small group of friends over and we had some homemade dishes as well as some store bought foods and we all chilled and watched movies. Nice an quiet.

The third year I was soooo looking forward to my pizza meal but a girl I was working with was way homesick for her family and the standard turkey dinner thing (she was from SK and was really missing her family and friends) so we went to White Spot and got the full turkey dinner with a slice of pumpkin pie for dessert. They actually serve the turkey dinner year round and to be fair, it’s way legit, totally tasty but it just wasn’t what I wanted. lol. That year, it was kinda funny, I was really wanting pizza and I ended up going to two turkey dinners, the one at White Spot and then a different friend on a different evening made the entire turkey dinner and invited me and like I could say no? Sooooo I had two full turkey dinners, both with pumpkin pie for dessert and no pizza. Can’t really complain since the food was great and getting to eat pumpkin pie two days in a row was a little slice of taste bud heaven lol 😀

This year though I figured I’d finally get my pizza dinner – and I did! I ate a personal sized pizza on Friday and instead of pumpkin pie for dessert I got dessert breadsticks from the pizza place. Delish! 😀 And yes, I know, way bad for me, but as I stated in yesterdays post I have been an epic failure in the making food choices department lately so Friday was just one more day when I sucked at making good food choices. shrug. I regret it but there’s nothing I can do about it now lol.

So now it is late night on Monday, Thanksgiving is over, and this year it passed with barely a whimper. I am not at a standard monday to friday job so the long weekend aspect of the weekend didn’t affect me, I got my pizza and avoided turkey and well, nothing hugely special happened.

I am trying to get back on track with my food choices and my food tracking so today I wrote down what I ate and attempted to make good food decisions. I made a mistake with calculations though so I ended up going over my points, figures, but at least I am trying! Also, once I realized I went over my points I cut myself off from food, which kinda sucked cause it’s a rainy icky day and I keep wanting to make cocoa or have more soup or chocolate or something but I am resisting it all. Maybe my willpower is slowly coming back to me? I’m over by 3 points so it could’ve been a lot worse…just thought I’d point that out for my defence lol.

I have made a promise to myself and here it is: this week, starting today and going through to the end of this coming Saturday I will be a good little Weight Watcher. I will do all my tracking, I will eat only my points (and if needed a small amount of flex points), I will exercise as much as possible (should be 4 times this week minimum) – basically I will do all the things I am supposed to be doing but fell off the rails with. And why this time frame? Cause I have had long standing plans for this coming Sunday to go with friends down to the states to go to Red Lobster, lol, weird huh? I love Red Lobster but there are none in BC, lame! so some of us got together and decided we’d make a road trip to go since Shrimp Fest is on. lol. We saw ads for Shrimp Fest last month and it’s only on till Oct 22 (if I remember correctly) so we’re going before the end of that – shriiiiiiiimp! YUM! 😀

At Red Lobster I am going to allow myself to eat whatever the heck I want since it’s such a rare treat but after that day I am going to be jumping back onto the strict-diet-wagon I am hopping on today.

I have decided that I am going to be super strict girl starting now (minus my Red Lobster day) and going until Christmas. I am sure there will be days where I go over my points, or I eat something stupid or I’m pms-ing and can’t resist the Nutella (hey, it happens lol) but I’m going to do my best to minimize those screw ups. I want to lose 15 pounds by the time I go back to AB for Christmas and if I don’t start now it’s not gonna happen – cause we all know how frickin slow my body allows me to lose weight, erg.

Huh, I guess instead of a New Year’s resolution (something I never do) I am making a Thanksgiving Resolution…here’s hoping I can stick with it!

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I’ve Set a New Goal

18 Feb

Not a new overall goal…maybe I should have been more clear in the title, lol, a new short term goal! 😀 I am a firm believer in short term goals, they keep you sane, they give you easily (or at least quickly) reached accomplishments and they help keep you on track. Losing weight can be a loooooong journey, so break it up a little with short goals to reach along the way. 🙂

So far I have had goals of buying a new shirt, buying a full length mirror, trying on every article of clothing I own and getting rid of whatever has become too large. – stuff like that. 🙂 I try not to use food goals because it seems counter productive to me, if I just put a whole bunch of effort in to losing weight do I really want to go eat ice cream? No! I’d much rather buy a new shirt to go with my new body size/shape/look…but maybe that is just me?

So my new short term goal – when I hit 30 lbs lost I will buy a new pair of pants. 🙂 They will have to be work pants since mine are currently so large they are practically falling off my body, actually, not practically, they are! I need to replace the jeans I bought over Christmas too cause they are now too large, pretty sweet huh?!, but those will have to wait. I only have so much money and I refuse to buy a bunch of new stuff when I still have more weight to lose, I’ll just have to replace it before I get my moneys worth, shrug, I figure I can deal with wearing clothes that are too large until I get to my final goal weight and then I will buy stuff. 😛 Man, that’s gonna be so awesome! But, for now, I am focusing on the 30 lbs lost mark, which is a little over 2 lbs away (as of last saturdays weigh in). I don’t expect to reach it tomorrow when I weigh in but maybe next saturday, hopefully no later then the saturday after that…I could see me being really close to the 30 lbs lost mark next saturday but not quite there…that’s how it seems to be with all my short term weight loss goals, lol, but that’s ok, makes it all the sweeter the next weigh in when I not only achieve the goal but go flying past it. lol 😀

I did really well with my points today, hit them right on the mark! Yah! I thought I was gonna go over by 2 points cause I was wanting something sweet after I ate dinner but I ate a salty snack that used up my last two points so if I hit up any of the chocolate it would have cost me flex points. Luckily, I managed to rein myself in, made myself wait the recommended 20 minutes after my snack and I realized I was actually quite full…I didn’t even want the chocolate anymore! I have got to remember that trick more often…I wonder if I had used it this past week if I would have avoided using so many flex points…hmm, something to ponder.

So here is what I ate today:

2 Weetabix = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 point

1 Smart Ones Spicy Szechuan Style Veg & Chicken over Lo Mein Pasta = 4 points

1/4 cup pizza sauce = 1 point

30 grams light shredded cheese = 2 points

mixed cooked veggies = 0 points

1/4 cup ground beef = 2 points

1 Bakery Counter Pizza Shell = 5 points

1 bag Pop Chips = 2 points

Total Points eaten = 20 😀

So, in case you didn’t put the ingredients together in your head I made home made pizza for dinner, only I didn’t feel like making the dough so I bought that. I was torn, I could have bought one large pizza shell (average medium to large pizza size) that was 2 points for 1/8 of the shell or I could buy 5 smaller sized shells (small to medium pizza size) that are 5 points per shell. I stood there trying to figure out which was the best buy for a good 5 minutes, I think I drove some people a little nuts, lol. 😛 When I thought it through I decided that if I bought the one large shell it would be good because I’d only be able to make one pizza so only one high pointed dinner would come of this whole making my own pizza debacle BUT I would eat probably 3-4 pieces so for the shell alone I’d be consuming 6-8 points per meal whereas I could buy the smaller shells in the package of 5 and use 5 points for the shell but that’s for the entire pizza and I can always put the remaining shells in the freezer so it’s not like I have to eat pizza 5 days in a row. It seemed a no brainer to buy the smaller shells. 🙂

I should’ve taken a picture of the pizza, it was pretty good. Not as good as Panago but hey, some things must be sacrificed for the greater good (the greater good being the reduction in size of my ass! lol) I topped it with pizza sauce, cheese, lots of mixed veggies (diced carrot, green peas, green beans, corn and mushroom) and some ground beef. I could have saved two points by not putting the beef on but I really need to use it up and I thought the protein would be good for me and help me get fuller off the pizza. I’m just grateful I didn’t cave at the grocery store and buy pepperoni, cause Yum but omg high points! Such is the way with the really tasty foods. lol.

The pizza was a good size, if I had put a side salad with it I think the meal would have been perfect. As it was, when I was done scarfing it down (I’m joking, I ate it normal speed) I still felt hungry, hence the pop chips instead of chocolate since you get more pop chips for 2 points then you would get chocolate. lol.

I think I’ll start experimenting with the pizza – after all, I have 4 more shells lol. Maybe put some feta cheese or something on…I’ll hafta investigate pizza topping ideas…

Tomorrow, eek! Two scary things tomorrow! 😦 I have to stand on the evil scale, erg, and I have to get blood drawn. Ick. Now, I may not treat myself with food when I reach a diet goal but if I manage to get my blood drawn without swearing at or kicking the person taking my blood (yeah, I’m not kidding with that…) then I always treat myself with food. I am phobic with needles, *flares nostrils, glares* so it takes a lot out of me to let them poke me. sigh. I have decided I will either have Vietnamese or Japanese…we’ll see what I feel like when it’s all done…either way, yummy food coming my way tomorrow – after the weigh in of course! lol

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What’s One Step Down From A Miracle?

12 Oct

Whatever is one step down from a miracle is what I got today – I can’t believe what happened. For most of you it won’t seem like a big deal but to me, and people who know my “knee history” well, it’s practically a miracle.

Many many moons ago (aka a bunch of years) I hurt my knee, bad. I used to go to the gym everyday back then and I pushed myself hard – I took these pills (sigh, yeah I know!) that gave me a boost of energy, I thought this was a great plan cause it meant I could do like 2.5-3 hours of intense cardio every single frickin day and on top of that I would do weights, some sort of kickboxing class or a boot camp, and stretching. They were long crazy gym sessions that I loved! So, one day (the last day of summer before the new college year started) I went to the gym then came back home and saw some shelves I had been wanting put up in my bedroom were up – a friend of my parents is a handy guy kinda guy and he put them up for me. I, in a move I still regret sigh, went to climb on my bed so I could reach the shelves and put stuff on them and that’s when it happened. It’s almost embarassing how I did this…sigh, I stepped up with my right leg putting all my weight on my left – not a big deal, right? Well, wrong. My knee was weakened from my over exercising and it gave out (this next part gets icky so be warned!) – I didn’t just stumble, oh no. I went crashing down, hit my desk, chair, garbage can and a stack of books before landing on the hardwood floor *rolls eyes* and when I landed my left knee cap was behind my knee instead of in front where it belongs. Oh geez, I am getting creeped out just remembering it, ugh.

All I can say is my poor parents, they were gonna go out that evening and instead they hear me falling to the floor and landing with a thud and then me swearing and screaming. lol. Looking back it is a bit funny, in a cringe worthy kind of way but at the time…oh so not funny! They had to call an ambulance and these paramedics showed up, I am sure everyone thought I was freaking out over nothing but hey, it’s their job to at least take a look right? So they cut up the side of my favourite lounging pants (I am still upset about this! the guy promised to cut on the seam and didn’t so the pants were ruined!) and the next thing I hear is my mom gasping when she sees my knee and the paramedic saying it is the worst dislocation he has ever seen, great just great. So now that the paramedic knows I am not faking I was hoping he’d put it back cause hello? Pain! but no, he comes at me with a frickin needle (I am phobic about needles, lol, I instinctivly tried to get away from the IV which meant I moved which meant I jarred my knee which meant I swore some more which meant he caught up to me with the needle, and guess what? the knee hurt so badly I barely noticed the needle!) and then they put this weird split stretcher on either side of me and kinda scooped me up in to it. Strange sensation that.

Off to the ER we went at the worlds sloooowest speed cause every bump jarred my knee, oy! Then came the “joy” of hanging out in the ER, I can’t remember why it took so long to get a doctor (there was probably an accident or something) but it seemed to take for frickin ever to get a doctor. When the idiot doctor finally comes to see me he’s all “what’s the big deal, why didn’t you just put the kneecap back?” oh gee, like I hadn’t thought of that?!?! Jackass! He then puts one hand on the front of my thigh, one behind my ankle and yup, you guess it, snapped it back – I am fairly certain I remember screaming. This is without the benefit of any kind of decent pain medication, I thought I’d throw that in there in case you are at this point thinking what a wimp I am. lol. I found out a month later at physio that it is normal procedure to drug a person in to la-la land before putting a dislocated knee back – I was apparently the “lucky” small percentage of people who got a doctor who decided to not do that, again, the jackass! grr

After all that I got the “joy” of wearing a foam cast thingy that went from hip to ankle for an entire month…you’d think it wouldn’t be so bad except that I had to treat it like a hard cast which means that sucker couldn’t come off! Man, sleeping with that thing was a royal pain in my…well, leg. lol. All in all, it took a good year for me to be able to walk normally, first I was on crutches, then I had a cane then a horrible limp and inability to go up or down stairs like a normal person then eventually I was able to walk almost like a normal person. You should have seen me the first time I was able to walk up stairs one leg after the other (the way normal people do stairs) I couldn’t get the dopey grin off my face. lol. Lame, I know.

Why did I bore you with all that? Here is where I explain. Today, while hiking my 3.8km path I…jogged. Me! That is my one-step-below-a-miracle miracle. 😀

I was never a person who liked to jog or run but at least I could if I so desired. Well, since the whole knee incident I have not jogged or run anywhere. I occaisionally walk super fast but that’s it. When I am hiking I go at a strong steady fast walk, never anything faster. Part of the reason is I am scared to blow my knee out again, my knee specialist said it was for sure going to happen again and I’d need surgery, joy, and part of the reason is I am fat and therefore don’t jog/run well at all, and hello? I don’t want my fat bouncing all over the place! That’s just unattractive! lol. But today while on the trail I thought why not at least try? There is a stretch at the end of the trail that is fairly flat and easy, I use it as a cool down period normally so today I jogged parts of it. I still can’t believe it…

I didn’t jog a lot, I have no endurance for jogging, but I did one jogging burst, walked a bit, then did another burst of jogging…the first burst, it was weird…I didn’t feel like I had to stop, I wasn’t gasping or feeling like I was gonna fall or anything, I just thought that I should have to stop at that point cause I am so out of shape so I stopped. lol. Weird huh? The second burst I actually felt like I had to stop but more cause my knees were hurting – I don’t think I have very good form while jogging and I have a lot of excess weight which is hard on the knees. But ya know what, who cares that it was only two short bursts of jogging? I sure don’t! I am psyched I was actually able to jog at all! This is ranking right up there with the first time I was able to get my thigh muscle to clench again and the first time I took a step without a cane and the first time I stepped up on a stair left leg first…I think you see where this is ranking. lol.

And wow, that was a long blurb, sorry! Let’s get the the grit of things…

Today I ate:

29 grams honey nut cheerios = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1/2 cup diced peaches = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1 cup tomato soup = 2 points

1 whole wheat bagel = 3 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1/2 cup cottage cheese = 2 points

mixed cooked veggies = o points

2 slices pizza = 8 points

3 Lifestyle shortbread cookies = 3 points 

Exercise Points earned = 5 points

Total points eaten 27 which is my daily 22 points and my 5 exercise points, yah! 😀

I probably shouldn’t have eaten the pizza, and I actually didn’t want it, weirdness, but I wanted it out of the fridge and figured suck it up, eat both slices tonight when you have the exercise points and can fit the pizza in and then it’s done. So, shrug, that’s what I did. I don’t feel bad about eating the pizza but I am amused at myself that I would have preferred some salmon and a big serving of vegg. Oh how things change! lol 

Quick little note, my little jogging bursts are soooo making themselves known in my thigh muscles right now…Awesome! 😀

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The Day After

11 Oct

So yesterday was the worst food day I have had since this whole journey started, I thought today might feel like I was starting over but it doesn’t, it feels like one more day in the journey – which I think is good, means I am still on my path and the little (freakin big!) detour I took yesterday wasn’t such a big deal. Sounds pretty good, don’t-cha think? 😛

I slept in, aaaaah, gotta love doing that on a monday! Before I went out I made sure to have a nice big meal so as to prevent any screwing up while I was out. I had the two left over slices of pizza in the fridge and I kept toying with eating those and just getting them out of the way but instead I made a grilled sandwich and had some fruit and yogurt with it. The meal I made came out to 9.25 points which is funny cause if I had eaten the two slices of pizza they would have been 8 points – the healthier option was more points?!? Oh the irony. I am ok with the 9.25 points though because I got dairy, protein, fruit, vegg, carbs…all kinds of goodness! Sure, the pizza had lots of veggies so that would have been something, and I s’pose the cheese could have been a serving of dairy (I am really not sure about that tho), and yeah the crust is carbs but when weighing the food I ate and the pizza I feel confident the food I ate was the healthier option, despite what the points say. I am pretty sure the pizza wouldn’t have kept me as full for as long either, so there ya go, my fresh made meal kicked the pizzas ass! lol

Here is what I ate:

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1 toasted sandwich

    – 2 pieces bread = 2 points

    – 2 slices turkey = 0.5 points

    – 2 cheese slices = 2 points

    – 1 tbls light miracle whip = 0 points

    – 2 tomato slices = 0 points

1/4 cup mashed yam = 0.75 points

1 cup 1% milk = 2 points

3 cup kettle corn = 2 points

1 Starbucks Latte Grande = 6 points

1 grapefruit = 1 point

1/2 tbls sugar = 1 point

2 Peek Freans LifeStyle Selections shortcake cookies = 2 points

1 Werther’s Original Chocolate Crunch = 1 point

Total points used is 22.25. I was really toying with that werther’s candy, it was either be a little bit under my points or a little bit over and maybe it would have been better to be a bit under because of all those points I ate yesterday but I dunno. My logic went both ways, the first was: if I go under after a day of going so so so over it might be too much of an adjustment for my body food intake wise and it’ll mess with my metabolism cause my body won’t know what is going on, logic two is: keeping my metabolism on its toes is the way to go, having a low calorie day after a high calorie day keeps the body wondering what is going on and it can’t coast cause it is constantly adjusting.

Really, since it’s such a small difference (only 1 point for the candy) I doubt it’ll make a difference no matter which way I went but it does make me wonder which is the right choice. There is split thinking on this in the world of healthy eating. Some “experts” say no matter what eating plan you are following you should have about two higher calorie days per week cause it keeps your metabolism from plateauing. I am pretty sure you can guess what the other “experts” say…that would be the opposite of having two higher calorie days lol…as in keep every day as close to the same calorie wise so your body knows it is not gonna be starved and doesn’t start hoarding your body fat. Too bad you can’t just speak to your body and have it understand, that way you can warn it what you are going to do and it won’t freak out. Course…that would put you on the train to crazy town so maybe don’t start talking to the bod. lol.

Oh, heads up, those LifeStyle shortcake cookies I ate, holy crap they are gooooood! They are a new find – I came accross them today by chance. They are real shortcake not some health crap pretending to be shortcake, sure they are a tad small but that’s what you get when it’s 1 point for 1 cookie. I feel it is going to take me forever and a day to get through the box and I almost wish I had not discovered them until December (in my world shortcake cookies go with christmas) but like I am really complaining about finding a yummy low point cookie? Yah, right! lol.

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So Way Too Much Food…ugh…

10 Oct

I don’t know how I managed to eat like this all the time, how I could stand feeling so sickly and gross. And yet, I did it often enough to get myself in this mess didn’t I?

Today was my Thanksgiving feast – I got a small Beef Taco Pizza from Panago and a slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top from White Spot. Brought them both home and had myself a little (well, large) meal while watching a movie I rented. It was s’posed to be a throwback to the old days – see back in the day I would rent a couple movies, order in a pizza and have an evening of calorie laden bliss. I didn’t do it all the time but often enough to do damage to my waist line. lol. When I used to do this I would have the pizza delivered and always ordered a medium – I always figured it made better sense to order a medium and have enough left overs to last me a couple days, better use of my money. *rolls eyes* I know, I know, I think of that now and I wanna kick myself but it’s how I convinced myself back in the day it was ok to eat way too much pizza. This time I ordered a small and picked it up (saved on paying a tip teehee) but the goodness of getting a small pizza was completely out measured by the piece of pie I picked up from the restaurant. Oy. Pie slices from restaurants are crazy huge, and it was more expensive to buy one slice from there then to get an entire pie from Safeway but in this I felt the extra money was worth it, better to pay a bit more but only have one slice then to pay less and have an entire pie staring at you everytime you open the fridge door.

So I got all settled with my movie, chowed down on my pizza and ate way too much. I just kept going…it was disgusting. I should have stopped after 2 pieces but I didn’t, did I stop at 3 pieces? Nope, didn’t stop there either…4 pieces!! I ate 4 entire slices of pizza!! I might as well be rolled out the door while I can still fit and taken to a fat camp, ugh. Even as I was eating the 4th piece I was trying to figure out why I was eating it, no way I was hungry at that point but it was like something had been unchained and I couldn’t control it. sigh. When I was done the 4 slices I put the left overs in the fridge and decided the pie was gonna hafta wait cause I felt so ill there was no way I was gonna be able to eat it right then. I didn’t wait all that long to eat that pumpkin pie though, not even the entire length of the movie! I don’t know exactly how long I waited I just know the movie wasn’t over and I was eating the pumpkin pie, whipped cream an all! And do you think I left the crust behind to save myself calories? Well, if you did think that you are delusional! I ate it all. Admittedly it was yummy but double the width of a slice I would have cut for myself and way more whipped cream then what I would have topped it with. Why do restaurants do that?!

Looking back I should have put two slice of pizza on my plate and put the rest in the fridge right away. My brain has gotten used to only seeing the food I am actually going to eat so it knows it is ok to eat everything in front of me, but this, having the open pizza box, it was like my brain didn’t know when to stop. Oh, and I pulled out a large plate! The horrors! I never use those anymore, all my food is served on small plates, that way it looks like way more. I was just breaking all kinds of rules today. sigh.

It’s weird, I knew in advance I was going to eat the pizza and pie today, I convinced myself it was ok cause it was a one time treat for a holiday and blah blah blah. What a load of shit! Who cares that it is a holiday? That’s no reason to go off the deep end! All those weeks, hell, months of fighting to get my weight down and I go and eat a disgustingly huge meal in a super short amount of time which will pretty much screw my body up and confuse the hell out of it – and instead of admitting to myself I was using this holiday as an excuse to cheat big time on my “healthy eating lifestyle” I kept tricking myself in to not facing up to what I was doing. I didn’t even have the guts to be a straight shooter with myself in regards to this little (huge) step off the path to the world of thin.

I would like to say tomorrow I will be back to following all the rules and everything will be good but I am gonna be at a friends place for a good chunk of the day and have no idea what is gonna happen with food. I mean, obviously I will eat before I go, and try my best to take a snack over but if I am over there long enough that we end up getting a meal, shrug, there is only so much control I have over where we go and what options are on the menu. I will definitly be reading the salad section of the menu though!

So, I don’t have points calculated for my food yet today but here is a list, I will add points when I have them…although, I kinda don’t wanna know…

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1 banana = 2 points

4 slices of pizza = ?

1 slice pumpkin pie with whipped cream = ?

1 can root beer = 3 points

Oh yeah, I didn’t even mention the root beer! I drank points! I never drink points! Since starting this whole thing the only liquid I take in is tea and water, oh and sometimes milk. I gave up pop but today, well, if you’re gonna be stupid might as well be stupid all at once I guess. FYI, that was the best root beer ever! I have really missed it. lol.  

So off I go to calculate my pizza and pie points…I will edit this soon.

EDIT:

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg I think I am having a bit of a panic attack, what have I done?!?! here are the points, keeping in mind they are approximations…not like that makes it any better tho…

The Pizza: the nutritional info is based on a single slice of a medium pizza, I ordered a small so my slices were smaller but I doubt they were so much smaller as to make much of a difference points wise, 1 slice = 4 points, omg, so that’s 16 points worth of pizza.

The Pumpkin Pie: I calculated the points on a slice of pumpkin pie from the nutritional info on a pie at the grocery store earlier in the week, it came to 1 slice = 6 points, crap, then add on the whipped cream which is 1 tbls = 1 point and I am in deep deep trouble, for the pie I approximated it at 10 points.

That puts me at a total of 33 points eaten for the day, 33! That is 11 flex points! ELEVEN!!!! Plus the one flex point I used yesterday, I have used 12 flex points in two days, omg. I might as well hit myself on the head with a hard blunt object for all I good I did myself today.

The only bright side I am finding here is I did get one measly piece of fruit at the beginning of the day with the banana, and I got some dairy in me with the yogurt. Plus, the pizza is topped with soooo many veggies that has to count towards my veggie count for the day. It doesn’t negate the damage I have done but at least while doing all that damage I was getting some good stuff. I am not counting the fruit/veg serving from the pumpkin pie, I am sure the healthiness was baked right out of it! lol

So what all this means is I have to be uber careful this coming week, no cheating, no little snacks here or there I shouldn’t have, no giving in to temptation at work – strict strict strict, and if I feel myself caving all I have to do is look back here and read how many points I ate in one day, one very low activity level day, that’ll keep me on track for sure!

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Looooooong Weekend!

8 Oct

Long weekends have got to be one of the best things ever! I think the only thing better is when you are still in school and get summer vacation and have all those glorious months off. sigh. I guess it’s a little sad to get so excited about having an extra day off…and really, I picked up a nannying shift for saturday evening so I still only get two days off but whatever – I am looking forward to sleeping in for 3 days in a row! lol.

For all of you not living in Canada it is Thanksgiving. Gobble Gobble, happy turkey day an all that. lol. Thanksgiving isn’t really all that big a deal in my family, I mean what is it really? A holiday celebrating the fact that the Native Americans were nice enough to help the settlers learn about the local food? That’d be great if the settlers hadn’t turned around and then attempted to wipe the Native American’s off the planet. *rolls eyes* Seems like a farce to me. And there is my rant about that, lol.  

In my family the thanksgiving long weekend means one thing: Pizza! Yup, that’s right, pizza! 😀 My dad would always go to visit his mom (she lived in a diff province) and my mom and us kids would order in pizza. This may sound boring but we didn’t eat pizza a lot so it was quite the treat. I wasn’t going to do anything different this weekend, well except for sleeping in on monday lol, but then I decided screw it, why shouldn’t I get to eat some kind of treat this weekend? Everybody else will be.

So on Sunday I am getting a pizza! Yup, a real pizza – not one I make (which are yummy but just not the same), not a frozen one from the store but a real, fresh, bad for me pizza. lol. I already know what I am getting, it is from Panago and it’s the Beef Taco Pizza, holy frog on a stick it is goooood! The best pizza out there! I have been looking forward to this pizza for a week now, the waiting has been hard but worth it. It’ll make the pizza that much better I think. 😀

For today I ate:

29 grams honey nut cheerios = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1/2 cup diced peaches = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1/2 cup Maple Baked Beans = 2 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1/2 cup mashed yam = 1.5 points

mixed raw veggies = 0 points

1 Fiesta salad = 6 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

1tsp margarine = 1 point

1 coffee crisp single = 2 points

Puts me at a grand total of 23.5 points for the day. sigh. I did it again! I don’t know what is wrong with me lately, argh. I forgot I had the piece of toast right before I ate my salad so when I was writing my dinner down to see if I had any points left I thought I had more then I really did and now I have gone over, double sigh. I hate doing that!

Oh, hmm, ok, I guess I will stop the rant I was about to start, I just took a moment to do the math and see how many flex points I used this week, it was 6 so I am ok. lol. I felt like I had used a lot more because I don’t regulate them I just use a couple here and there as I so choose. Proof right there peeps about how if you don’t keep track of what you are eating you can get a warped idea of how good or bad your food amounts and choices are. It’s so true, least for me. shrug. I would have days where I felt like I ate a lot and when I really thought about what I ate that day it’d turn out I ate hardly anything and vice versa. It’s odd isn’t it? I wonder why people (especially me) do that…

Tomorrow is weigh in day, oh, and new measurement day cause I kinda messed it up last week. lol. I wonder if going for that hike thursday will have any noticeable affect on the scale tomorrow…I know I shouldn’t expect anything since I only exercised twice and one of those times doesn’t really count, lol, but hey, a girl can hope!

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