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Some days I just don’t care…

17 Sep

I have days when I just can’t bring myself to care – I don’t mean this about only my weight loss, I mean about everything. I don’t care if I make it to work on time, if I eat, if I don’t eat, what I wear, who I see, what I do or don’t do…I just don’t give a damn. I don’t know why I get this way it just happens sometimes, it can last anywhere from a day to weeks, shrug, it’s not fun but oh well, it’s a quirk I guess.

This bout of my not caring started yesterday and extended for most of today; it seems to be lifting a bit – if it hadn’t started to lift I probably wouldn’t be writing this post. When this happens I tend to do what I normally do but less – that doesn’t make sense does it? I know what is expected of me so I do what is expected and no more, actually, usually a lot less. heh I am supposed to eat so I eat at the times I normally eat because if I don’t I will draw attention that I don’t want to have to deal with. I eat but I don’t care what I eat and I don’t care if I do eat as long as people think I am eating, get it? Nothing tastes the same either, it’s all more bland. shrug. It’s not only with food, if I had plans to go to a movie I usually stick with the plans cause to change plans causes more grief then I want to deal with but the movie won’t be as funny to me as it normally would…make sense?

I don’t know why I am trying to explain this, I have never told anybody about this before…oh the odd false sense of freedom writing on a blog gives a person. So I will stop whining about this since I am sure nobody actually cares – hell, it’s about me and I don’t even care. ugh.

Because of this mood I have been in my eating has been odd yesterday and today and yet, I learned something new about me. Normally when this happens I end up binging on some sort of totally unhealthy food, Kraft Dinner, McDonald’s, anything I consider comfort food which naturally ends up being something high fat. *rolls eyes* Well, yesterday after work I had to go to Safeway to grab something and ended up in the aisle with the Kraft Dinner, go figure! Even though I was buying it to over eat I still checked the nutritional info, say wha?? I compared every different kind of KD (I didn’t realize there were so many kinds!) I ended up with the sharp cheddar (which fyi, not as good as the original) because it is only 0.5 grams of fat more then the so called “healthier” versions. I didn’t actually check the points per serving when in the store but I did check it when I got home and was making it. It gets worse! I measured out the stupid stuff so I knew exactly how much I was eating…can you believe it?? I didn’t do it cause I was caring about the points or what I ate but because it’s become a habit and I always follow my habits when in these moods.

So, here I am moody and down and I still counted my points, talk about ingraining a habit in to my daily life.

Today I ate:

1 cup Fibre 1 = 3 points

3/4 cup 1% milk = 1.5 points

1 banana = 2 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

mixed raw veggies = 0 points

1/2 cup cottage cheese = 2 points

1 Amy’s Indian Mattar Paneer (frozen dinner) = 6 points

    – it had curried peas and paneer with rice and chana masala

2/3 cup Kraft Dinner = 4 points

5 baby potatoes = 1 point

1 cheese slice = 1 point

1 Jolly Time Kettle Corn pckg = 1 point

That puts me at 22.5 points for the day; I have a Thinsations Oreo Cakesters package sitting beside me that I keep thinking about opening but I don’t actually want it, I just always end my day with chocolate so I keep thinking I should eat it. shrug. I may eat some fruit in a bit cause I am starting to feel peckish but really I am not all that bothered if I do or don’t get a snack. I am trying to use a couple flex points each day so I really should eat something…we’ll see what I get around to.

I know this post was a downer but look at the bright side – tomorrows post is bound to be more cheerful! 😛

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