Archive | August, 2010

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow!…wait, focus on today!

31 Aug

Alrighty so I am all excited for tomorrow but I have to think about today…least for the length of this post. lol. Today was a normal day at work; I am getting trained for a new position so I spent the day sitting with friends/co-workers while trying to cram new work info in to my head…always fun. 😛

Some of us at work had plans to go out for lunch so we went to a food court, we don’t have time to go and sit at a restaurant somewhere so we always just grab food and come back. I, being the exciting person that I am when eating out, got a salad…shocking isn’t it? teehee. I didn’t go to the Salad Loop this time, mostly cause that food court didn’t have one, I went to a place that is the exact same build your own salad kinda thing but it cost more and had less options. Ah well, what are ya gonna do?

The salad was really good, I’ll give the place that much credit at least but it cost me a little over $10, for a salad! I can’t remember everything I put on it but here’s some of the toppings: shredded carrots, hard boiled egg, kernel corn, chick peas, shredded white cheese, sunflower seeds, random raw veggies, one asparagus (wanted to see if I would like it – which, btw, I didn’t), small amount of cottage cheese, 1/4 of small potato, artificial crab, small amount of yam…um, there might have been more but I can’t remember. All of this was on top of spinach and iceberg lettuce leaves. I didn’t have a proper serving of any of the toppings, I put tiny amounts of everything on the salad so for my points I counted the egg (2 points) and then approximated the rest. So, if something I had was portioned that it would have been only 0.25 of a point then I add that quarter to the quarter point I used for a different topping and eventually add enough things up to a point. Seems to make sense to me. 😀

The salad was so filling that when I got home from work I didn’t want dinner, weirdness. 😛 I killed some time doing other things then eventually ate – I had enough points left over for dinner I got to have hot dogs, yum! I didn’t have hot dog buns so I used bread but other then that it was a normal hot dog dinner. A nice little treat. 🙂

Now, for tomorrow…I have an audition! Don’t get too excited for me, I still don’t have an agent and if I get a part it won’t pay me but it’ll be great experience. It’s only the first stage of auditions, this particular project takes the first audition then shows all the videos of all the auditions to those making the casting decisions and they pick from the videos. They might contact people in for call backs (a follow up audition) or they may just pick from the videos. We shall see! 😀

Today I ate:

2 weetabix = 2 point

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2 strawberries = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 salad = 5 points

1 light babybell = 1 point

2 hot dogs

    – 2 light hot dog weiners = 2 points

    – 2 pieces of bread = 2 points

    – 2 slices kraft cheese slices = 2 points

1 Smart Ones cake desesert = 4 points

Total points used 21. I will probably not go searching for anything to eat for that last point, I am not hungry and don’t have any one point snacks left, sigh. I know I am s’posed to eat all my points but when you factor in such a huge salad for lunch and lots of fluids throughout the entire day there just isn’t enough room left for anymore food. lol.

Wish me luck for tomorrow, well actually wish that I break a leg! 😛

No news is NOT always good news…

30 Aug

You know how when you have to go for bloodwork or some such thing and the doctors office always says “no news is good news – if you don’t hear from us don’t worry about it!” and then you get some vague voicemail saying “hi, this is the doctors office and we need you to come in to talk about your test results, call us!” which instantly gets you freaking out so you take time off work, go to the doctors just to find out your fine? Well, my not blogging on the weekend, thereby not providing any new news on the weight loss front, does not mean all is going smoothly.

Saturday I woke up in such a good mood, I did a happy dance before I even stepped on the scale, how twisted is that?! During the week I had felt like I hadn’t lost any weight but I was so sure that when I stepped on the scale I’d see a smaller number, I was soooooo hoping I’d hit the 10 lbs lost mark…I didn’t hit the mark. sigh.  I only lost 0.8 lbs, that’s right, not even an entire pound! That wouldn’t be so bad except the week before I maintained my weight, argh! It’s not officially called a plateau until it has been 4 weeks without losing weight but come on already! I was so upset that I couldn’t bring myself to blog about the weigh in on saturday, too depressing to write about how poorly I did.

I was all “I don’t get it! I didn’t cheat, I followed all the rules, I ate my points…what happened??” I spoke with my mom on sunday who has much more weight loss knowledge then I do and she said not to fret about it. I still lost even if it’s not a big number and there could be all kinds of reasons why it happened. My body could still be recovering from the week before where I underate for so many days,  it could be it (my body) is learning how to maintin – and apparently this can happen. You will plateau for a week or so and then your body gets back to dropping the weight. Like it needs a break from losing weight then decides it’s ok with getting smaller again after a while and gets back on track. lol. Stupid body. 😛

I decided I had to move past the sadness of weigh in day and on sunday I hung out with MJ, we went and shopped, did touristy stuff (she was only visiting for the day, she had a really long lay over when on her way home) and of course, we ate. lol. I knew I was going to end up eating badly sunday because of where we were going. There is a great farmers market with lots of fresh local fruits and veggies (I bought my fruit for the week there) but all the places to buy food and eat there are fast food unhealthy places. This dicotomy has always confused me. I ended up getting a piece of battered cod and chips (aka french fries). Mmm! Fish n chips, can’t go wrong there! Well, fat/calorie wise you can but taste wise you can’t. lol. The fish was oh so fresh and the texture was perfect, the entire thing was delicious. 😀 I thought I wouldn’t be able to eat the entire thing cause it was such a big serving but I ate every single bite! lol.

When speaking to my mom sunday night I told her about the fish n chips and she was all “good luck losing weight this week” which of course got me freaked that I had totally messed my chances for the coming weigh in day so today I went googling, teehee, to try to discover the points for a piece of battered cod and a huge portion of fries and came up with numbers ranging from 14.5 to 18…I decided to count my points for the fish n chips as 18, better to guess high then low, right? Even at 18 points I didn’t do too badly for the day, I only ended up 1 point over my daily total, yah!

Today was back to normal, work, ugh, so easy to figure out my food. I took left overs for lunch so I had a little bit of this an a little bit of that and while not an amazingly great lunch it was filling and decent in points and that’s all I need. Dinner however was really good. 😀 I had two new things that I found in the frozen section of the grocery store yesterday. New food, sweet! 😀 lol

I didn't have the spicy ones but otherwise they are the same

The first new thing is Alexia Sweet Potatoes Julienne, 85 grams are 3 points. 85 grams translates to about 12 fries…depending on the size of the fries you pull out of the bag. lol. Easy to make, stick em in the over at 400C for 17 mins or so, turn them over at the half way mark, and voila! Yam fries! I am a total sucker for yams/sweet potato so these were a nice find. The Alexia line is 100% all natural, 0 trans fat, premium products blah blah blah. I didn’t pick the fries for any of those reasons, I picked them because I could fit the points in to my daily food. The company’s website is:  They have a large line of products on the website, there were not nearly as many items at my grocery store but I will keep an eye out to see what else from them I can find. 🙂

not real meat...but it sure tasted like beef


The second new item I had for dinner was Beefless Tips…a non-meat item that is s’posed to be just like eating beef only without the dead cow. shrug. I have never grasped the whole vegetarian thing, I like meat. However, I don’t like cooking meat or handling it when it is raw, eeeeeew! I always have a fear that I won’t cook it properly and will end up getting food poisoning…meat just has too much pressure attached to it, but it’s so yummy! lol. So I found these meatless things, which I always view as a cop-out. I figured what the hell, can’t hurt to try and at least I will get some protein in to me. 100 grams (which is about 10 cubes of “meat”) is 2 points, not bad at all! That 100 grams contains 18 gram of protein which is good, for my gender and height I should take in 28.6 to 50.9 grams of protein a day – I am pretty sure I never manage this, lol, but at least these fake meat cube things give me a boost. They were really tasty, tender and juicy. I was concerned I hadn’t cooked them all the way through but they only take a couple minutes each side in a super hot frying pan so they were cooked just fine. I made the mistake of biting one cube in half and looking in the middle…don’t do that…it totally takes away your illusion your eating beaf cause dude, it looks weeeeird! Apparently the company has been around 25 years but I have never heard of them. According to the speel on their website ( they are committed to making healthy, protein filled meat alternatives for all kinds of reasons. shrug. Whatever. As long as it is tasty and cheap that’s all I really care about. I know I should care about where my food comes from and the healthiness of it, and sometimes I do but most of the time I am more concerned about how much my food costs – this was on sale btw, I am fairly certain normally I wouldn’t be able to afford it. lol.

This has already been a long post so I won’t put down my food lists for sat, sun or today but here are the points eaten for those days. Saturday I ate 20 point – I had a nanny job in the evening and forgot to take a snack, oops, by the time I got home it was late and I just wanted to go to bed so no chance to pick up the two points anywhere. Sunday I ate 23 points, granted that is an estimate cause the fish n chip points are estimated but it seeems about right. Today I ate 21.5 points, lol, I hate that half point cause then I either have to go over or be under my points. Annoying.

I made certain to eat lots of fruits and veggies today to make up for the lack of them yesterday – I know it doesn’t really work like that, one day can’t make up for another, but it makes me feel better. 😛

I am considering adding in some form of exercise in to my new healthy lifestyle to counteract this whole not losing even a pound a week problem but I am lazy so this will take a while to implement I am sure. lol.

Oh, if you want to calculte how much protein you need per day go to:  and use the drop down menu, it calculates for you based on your gender and height, it will also tell you your healthy weight for your height (take that with a grain of salt) and there are links to find foods with protein in them. It’s not the most scientific of websites but the calculation is easy to do. 🙂

Step Away From the Moose!

27 Aug

wOOt! wOOt! there was cake at work and guess who didn’t have any? Me! Oh yah! I am back! lol.

It was birthday day at work – once a month at work cakes are brought in to cover the bdays of everyone for that month in all departments…sometimes that is a lot of people! Since we are a growing company and there are now a lot more of us (in all departments) there was more then just cake this month. There was a big thing of chocolate moose, tirimasu and a cake that had a base of chocolate chip cookie and then frosting and then fruit on top. Interesting…to look at that is!

I went with friends who were going to eat the treats so I could chat an hang out with them but all I got from the kitchen was a cup of tea. I was tempted by the chocolate moose but I managed to stare at it longingly and not actually eat it. I was tempted to ask for a tiny tiny taste of someone elses moose but decided that’d just be putting me back in the same boat I was in after having a couple bites of that cake last weekend so I followed the look-no-touch rule. I feel so good about myself that I didn’t cheat! 😀

I ran out of food to take to work so mid afternoon I was hungry but had nothing to eat.  I could’ve gotten some toast from the kitchen but didn’t want to use points that way so I made myself wait till I got home then had a double serving of baked beans. lol. It was funny, I got in the door and didn’t even have my shoes off before I was turning on a burner and opening a can of beans. It was good though – I hadn’t had baked beans in a while so altho they were not a new taste it was one I hadn’t gotten to taste in a couple weeks…lol. I eat a lot of the same stuff so occaisionally I get a bit bored with my food choices but hey, I’d rather be a bit bored then getting fatter!

Tomorrow is weigh in day and I am fluctuating between excited and concerned. Last wednesday I really wanted to step on the scale, weird huh? I never want to step on that stupid thing, grr to the scale! But for some reason on wednesday I felt like if I stepped on it I’d have a smaller number then last weigh in day and I really wanted to test this theory…but I didn’t. If the number hadn’t gone down I’d be depressed and if it had gone down then I wouldn’t be as suprised saturday and I enjoy the thrill I get on saturdays when I step on the scale and the number has gone down. 😀  So that is the excited part, I want to see a smaller number…if I lose enough I will be at my ten pounds lost mark and man do I want to hit that mark! The concerned part is because I don’t think I look any different and I don’t feel (anymore) like I have lost any weight this week, I am scared the number is going to be the same…just like last weigh in day. Eek! I always dreaded the week the number didn’t go down, then it really happened and it was a pretty bad feeling, now I am super dreading having that happen again. 😦 There is nothing I can do at this point so I shouldn’t stress over it…people on the Biggest Loser always stay the same weight or gain on the weeks they have been stressed cause stress can totally screw up your weight loss attempts but I can’t stop thinking about it. shrug. What can I say, this weight loss thing is overwhelmingly in my head.

Today I ate:

3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 cup grapes =1 point

1 cup Lentil and Veggie Soup = 1 point

1 light babybell = 1 point

carrots = 0 points

1 kiwi = 1 point

1 cup Heinz Maple Baked Beans = 4 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

1 whole wheat wrap = 2 points

1/2 tbsp light peanut butter = 1 point

1/2 tbsp nutella = 1 point

2 Hershey’s Oh Henry cookies = 3 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

Hit the 22 point mark again today, yah! 😀 This week has been good for hitting my points perfectly, and I am glad for it cause I want to lose weight this week instead of maintain. I have been good everyday this week for drinking lots of fluids – I have anywhere from 2 to 4 cups of tea per day at work as well as 2 to 3 glasses of water, then I come home and have at least 1 cup of tea and 2 glasses of water. That means everyday this week I have had my 8 glasses of fluid or more that is recommended by the “experts”, since those “experts” also say that drinking 8 glasses of fluid per day (or more) will help you lose weight I am hoping drinking all this fluid will give me a good result on the scale tomorrow. See how everything comes back to that stupid scale? lol

Empty Cupboards!

26 Aug

You will notice farther down in my food list for the day I ate 63 grams of whole wheat pasta instead of 85 grams. This was not some great attempt to lower my points for dinner and still be full, this was because I ran out of healthy pasta…completely! The only pasta I now have is in the Sidekicks packages…you know, the really unhealthy kind. lol.

When digging out my last remaining bit of pasta I noticed the absence of food in the cupboard…now, I am not out of everything but I am out of a lot of things. No more soup, no more pasta, no more veggies…no more of most things. Oops. I went grocery shopping last weekend so I am not sure exactly how this happened, shrug, doesn’t really matter how it happened tho, just that it happened. lol.

I however did find something totally yummy and amazing in my treat drawer…Hershey’s Oh Henry Cookies…yup, cookies! Sooooooooo good! 😀


I had 5 points left after dinner and wasn’t sure what to eat to use them up, I was wandering around the kitchen racking my brain when I remembered I have a cookie drawer. I don’t go in it very often anymore, sad, 😛 so I didn’t remember what was in it and wasn’t this finding a good one?! 😀 I mean come on, it’s a chocolate bar turned in to a cookie and I can eat 2 for only 3 points…that’s less then those Maple Cookies I had. In an attempt to keep them from going soft (unlike the maple cookies that become oh so soft) I put them in a plastic container so here’s hoping it works! I eat these things so slowly now, only 2 a day and how many are in that package anyways? Who needs that many cookies? Why can’t they sell cookies in say, a half size package? Some of us don’t need to buy food for an entire family here, eesh. And that was quite the ramble…sorry ’bout that!

So here I am, happily full with chocolate, trying to figure out what to make for lunch tomorrow…I don’t think I actually have anything to take for lunch…hmmm, oh wait! I think there was a can of beans in there…there we go, beans on toast it is! Crisis averted…must go grocery shopping soon…

For today I ate:

2 Weetabix = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 Extreme Pita (grilled chicken) = 4 points

tzatziki sauce = 1 point

carrots = 0 points

63 grams whole wheat pasta = 4 points

1/4 cup Alfredo Roasted Tomato sauce = 2 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 cup blueberries = 1 point

1 cup 1% milk = 2 points

2 Hershey’s Oh Henry cookies = 3 points

Total points used = 22 , wOOt! 😀 Yet another day where I have managed to eat all my points, awesome-ness. Looks like I have managed to get back on the wagon which I am very glad about, and!, I was sitting in a different area of the office today and was offered various treats and saying no was easy, finally! The ease of saying No that I had managed to get and then lose is back again, phew. I guess if you just stick with it long enough the healthier choices become easier and easier to make. Easy is good! lol

Supplements and Additives

25 Aug

I used to try every new supplement that came on the market – if it promised to help me lose weight that is. I never cared about side effects, health risks, if it was healthy or not – I just wanted results. FYI, I never got those results. Such a waste of money, sigh.

This time around I was planning on staying away from all those things but that doesn’t mean they don’t crop up from time to time. In fact, I had some left over from before I started Weight Watchers and I have recently been using it again, now don’t freak out, it isn’t a pill and it doesn’t promise me that I will lose massive weight uber quick (as long as I am willing to damage my liver and heart lol), it is called Benefibre Shape Management.

doesn’t change the flavour of your drink and adds fibre to your diet, can’t go wrong with that!

It is a Vitamin B complex that is supposed to boost my metabolism of fats and carbs. I don’t know if that is real or not but I do know it adds fibre to my diet and that is a good thing. Before Weight Watchers I know I didn’t eat enough fibre, I also didn’t eat enough fruits, veggies, protein…all I ate more then enough of was fat and carbs. lol. So back then I bought this Benefibre cause I thought quick easy way to get fibre in to me and it has the added bonus of supposedly helping me with my weight.  I should have researched before buying it though, we are supposed to get about 25 grams of fibre per day, each rounded teaspoon of Benefibre provides approx 3 grams of fibre and you’re only s’posed to have 3 teaspoons a day…not quite your daily amount. lol. At least it increases my intake by a bit…and every bit counts!…right? 😀

I have never had any side effects from taking it, it really does completely dissolve in my drinks and doesn’t alter the texture or taste of them. Really, it is an effortless way to get a bit more fibre. I usually don’t manage the 3 teaspoons per day, I only use it in the evening and I used to only put it in my tea but over the past week and a half I have also been dissolving it in to my evening water. Because of putting it in the water I now (usually) have 2 teaspoons per day…sometimes I manage the 3 but that is still rare.
I think a lot of the benefits from items like this are psychological – when I drink my tea that has my dissolved fibre powder in it (and doesn’t that just sound soooo appetizing) I feel like not only am I getting fluids in me, I am also doing something positive for my weight management. It gives me a sensation of trying harder even though all I am doing is sitting on the couch blogging or watching tv. lol. I don’t really mind if the benefit is mostly psychological because even if it isn’t helping me metabolize my fats and carbs any better then I normally would it is getting that little bit of extra fibre in me, and the fibre isn’t a lie.
So there we have it, I am not supplement/additive free. Oh the horrors! lol. Are you gonna tell on me to the healthy police? 😀
I have always been a believer in supplements, I always felt like I just hadn’t found the right one for me yet but if I kept trying eventually one of them would magically work and bam! I’d be thin. I think deep down I knew better, I also think that maybe I figured it didn’t matter if I damaged my body trying to get thin. If I didn’t get thin then I knew I was gonna be miserable – sort of a die trying attitude. shrug. Not the best attitude I grant you but I managed to stop myself from taking them so what does that matter? Now I just take one and it is for the fibre not the weight loss help it may or may not give me. I s’pose I could just take a fibre pill or something…I am assuming there is such a thing…but I already own this so I am gonna stick with it. We’ll see what I decide once it runs out…who knows, maybe then I really will stop with supplements! But don’t count on it… 😛
Today I ate:
3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points
1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point
1 banana = 2 points
1 cup grapes = 1 point
1/2 Fresh Express Fiesta salad =4 points
1 cup Tuscan Bean soup with Sweet Basil = 2 points
1 light babybell = 1 point
carrots = 0 points
85 grams whole wheat pasta = 5 points
1/4 cup Alfredo Roasted Tomato sauce = 2 points
grilled veggies = 0 points
1 grapefruit = 1 point
1 tbsp sugar (for the grapefruit) =1 point
I used my 22 points today! 😀 It was a real toss up between the grapefruit or a thinsations oreo cakesters package. lol. The cakesters nearly won, the idea of cake was so so so tempting but I figured the grapefruit was the healthier choice – even if I do sprinkle sugar on it. lol. It was a nice change, I don’t eat grapefruit often, and I am glad I chose it for my evening snack. 🙂 How weird is that?!?! Getting close to my daily dose of fibre in, choosing fruit over cakesters…the world is a changin! 😀 

Addicted…to food??

24 Aug

So I think I am addicted to food…is that even possible? I think it is possible…and I think I have done it. lol. I laugh but it isn’t really funny…

There are people that are much worse off then I am, I know this cause I see them when I am out and about…like this guy I saw on the skytrain today, in all seriousness he took up the space of three people, eesh. So he obviously has a worse problem then I do…although for all I know he has a thyroid problem or some such thing, shrug.  Maybe he eats way healthy and is in much better shape then me, can’t really tell from looking…we all pretend we can and judge people based only on what they look like but really…what do we know?

Back to my topic, I think I managed to get addicted to food, and it’s not like I can quit it all together now can I? The reason I think this is because of cake, yup that’s right, cake.  I had some bites of the cake on saturday at the bbq – the vegan ice cream cake (teehee, just writing that makes me laugh, 🙂 ) and ever since then all I want is cake. I have been thinking about it not constantly but a lot!  To make it worse there is left over bday cake in the fridge at work that I see everytime I open the fridge for milk for my tea…it’s on the bottom shelf and the mik is on the top so everytime I open that door I repeat over and over to myself  “don’t look down! don’t look down! don’t look down!” and then of course I look down, sigh, and I see the cake. Argh!

It seems having those 4 or 5 bites of cake on saturday opened the flood gates of my longing for baked goods. I didn’t even eat all that much baked goods before starting Weight Watchers, I bake the stuff but then I always give it away. shrug. Now however, all I want is baked food. Cookies! Cakes! Donuts! Hell, I’d walk over a dead body to get to a fresh white dinner bun! lol.

Even though I had rough spots before saturday, days where I went over on my points or was really tempted by a certain food item I generally got through the rough patch. I was kinda proud of my willpower – I know, it seems silly to be proud of making a healthy food choice but hey, I will take my pride where I can get it. 😛 By the next day the craving for the bad food was gone and it wasn’t a big deal anymore…this cake thing though is on day 3 and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I REFUSE to eat cake!!!!! My refusal however does nothing to stop the wanting of the cake…this is why I think I am addicted…

It’s one thing to think “oh, yeah, I’d like some cake” but not eat any and not think about it after a half hour or so but to keep thinking about it for days? To still be wanting it? To be trying to figure out what to eat for dinner and all you come up with is getting a donut or slice of cake from the store? I almost cheated today and for what? Some old bday cake that’s been sitting in a fridge? A random timbit (they were on the counter at work) when I am not actually hungry? That was something I noticed, even though I wasn’t hungry I was wanting these baked foods. Right after lunch, I had soup and salad, I could have easily scarfed down a slice of chocolate cake…did I need it? No. Was I hungry? No. Was it really really hard to not grab the plate from Linda and inhale her cake? Oh yeah it was!

Up to now it wasn’t all that hard to not eat the cakes, cookies, timbits, pizza slices and all the other treats that were around me. I have been happy with the foods I am eating, liking the tastes of the foods, enjoying the new things I have been eating – that made it easier to say no. I mean sure, did I want to eat pizza at work? Of course I did. But I’d rather lose weight then eat a slice of pizza so there we go, choice made. But now that I have had a taste of the forbidden foods it’s all I want. I think I would have been fine if I hadn’t taken those bites of cake…I wouldn’t have remembered what I was missing ya know? But now my system is all fired up because it remembers the taste of refined sugar, chocolate, icing, it remembers the texture of cake with ice cream in the middle and sprinkles on top…it remembers all that and more, and it wants a taste of the more!

I know me, if I cave, if I say “who cares, eat a slice of cake, get the craving over with” I won’t stop there. That is the difference between me and someone who hasn’t realized they have an over eating problem. I have realized that I have a problem and am trying to fix it, if you’d asked me before this journey started I would have said I didn’t have a problem, I know where to draw the line, I can stop binge eating anytime I want to…but in reality, I couldn’t. Food is my heroin, my alcohol, my “fill in your addiction here”. But while I can quit smoking, or drinking or shooting up or whatver I can’t stop eating and everytime I eat I want what I am not supposed to be eating. It’s stupid hard. And this week more then any other time since I started Weight Watchers I want to quit. I just want to jump off the wagon, screw waiting to fall, and dive in to a meal with all the foods I have been denying myself.

This, more then anything, is what I have to fix. It’s one thing to fix your meal plan, another to fix your brain. I need to find a way to stop associating good feelings with bad food…maybe I can learn how to associate all the good sensations/feelings/thoughts I paired with the high calorie food to healthier foods…like fruit…it’s a thought…

And now that I have finished rambling (sorry about that) here is what I ate today:

2 weetabix = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 points

1 cup blueberries = 1 point

1 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup Tuscan Bean soup with Sweet Basil = 2 points

1/2 Fresh Express Fajita salad = 4 points

1 light babybell = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 light hot dog weiner = 1 points

1/2 cup mashed yams = 1.5 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

1 piece bread = 1 point

1 tbsp Nutella = 2 points

1 cup grapes = 1 point

Grand total is = 21.5. Only 0.5 under my daily points total, I’d say that is pretty good. 🙂 I have nothing for a half a point so I am not gonna get right on number today but I can try again tomorrow. 🙂

Trying over and over and over is the only way I think I am going to get past this wanting of unhealthy foods. I think there will always be a part of me that wants the high calorie foods, that wants to just come home and eat some huge bowl of Sidekicks pasta, or go to McD’s and get a full meal and dessert. Seems my lesson this week is a nasty one, no matter how much I work to change my eating plan there will always be a part of me tempted to go back to how I used to be. A little voice in my head telling me it wasn’t as bad as I remember, that I don’t really care if I am fat as long as I get to eat what I want since food is what makes me happy. But that’s not right. Food is fuel not a source of happiness. Food shouldn’t be something I rely on to make me feel better after I have a crappy day at work, it’s not there to make me more complete…it is there to give me energy so I can live a healthy life.

Food is fuel…I should get that tattooed on me somewhere so I never forget.

Steppin On My Pants, oh yah!

23 Aug

I have limited clothes, not only because of my size but also because of my wallet…altho, mostly because of my size. lol. I used to loooove clothes shopping – I used to be a perfect size 10 which I know to some people seems big (all you size zeros out there! ) but I was fairly content. It meant I could wear anything and look good and well, who doesn’t like that? Since getting fat that joy has left my life…it left a long time ago and I still mourn it. sigh.

I hate clothes shopping! I hate how I look in every item I put on my body; my aim everytime I go in to a store is to find something that hides just how big I am – camaflogue. That is not fun. In fact it is rather depressing. 😦 As a result I don’t go shopping very often…I use my wallet as an excuse for not owning more clothes but even if I came in to a bunch of money tomorrow I wouldn’t go out and buy clothes…what would be the point? I’d still look like me. 😛

Almost a year ago I needed to buy some work pants, I went to RW&Co to buy a couple pairs of good quality pants and fluctuated throughout that time of being able to wear them comfortably and not. When I bought them they fit perfectly…bad idea. I got bigger and had to stop wearing them, so I had these expensive work pants and couldn’t wear them – juuuust great! lol. So I went and bought cheaper work pants elsewhere and wore those. Every now and then I would try on one of the pairs of pants and kinda test them…most mornings they failed to even leave my bedroom, lol. Some days I would wear them to work and by the end of the day be uncomfie cause they were too snug, blarg, so back in to my closet they would go. The other week I tried them on and they not only fit, they were a bit loose. Loose around the waist, hips and butt! How great is that?!?! I wore them today and as I was walking to work (from the skytrain so not a long walk) the pants started getting lower and lower on my waist until they were more around my hips. I was wearing a coat so it wasn’t obvious on my body what was happening so I figured just keep walking and fix it when you get in to the office, hehe, well, I ended up walking on my pants! Yeah, you hear me…I was stepping on my pants with my heels cause of how loose they were…they inched down so far I could step on them…awesome! 😀 😀 😀 Course, it didn’t look all that attractive and I spent the rest of the day constantly pulling my pants up, lol, but I don’t care, in fact, everytime I had to adjust them I got a little grin and had an inner giggle cause it made me so happy. 😀

They are fitting so loose they are almost un-wearable. Not quite mind you – since I really can’t afford to replace them and I decided when this whole thing started that I wasn’t gonna buy clothes for every size I become – too expensive! Instead, when clothes become completely un-wearable then I will replace them…the pants aren’t there yet but they are definitly on the way. 😛 wOOt! I am going to try on the other pair I bought at that same time and see how they fit now – they were always a little snugger so I never tried them on, I don’t think they have been off the hanger since, hmm, before last Christmas…holy crap that’s a long time to have clothes that don’t get worn!

Today was such an awesome clothes day. 😀

The food I ate today is:

3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

85 grams whole wheat pasta = 5 points

1/4 cup alfredo sun dried tomato sauce = 2 points

2 triangles Light Laughing Cow Cheese = 1 point

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 Dill and Herb salmon steak =3 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 serving root veggie chips = 3 points

I am at a total of 21 points for the day – only 1 point left. The higher point lunch really helped with using up all my points for the day.  I am gonna see if I can manage to make higher point lunches all this week and discover if it helps with eating all my points and losing weight. I’ll let ya know!

p.s. Oh…I am gonna eat that last point, probably a serving of fruit or a little weight watcher candy…if I can find any, I am running dangerously low and can’t find them in stores anywhere, ack!

Epic Fail? Maybe not quite yet…

22 Aug

Yesterday was weigh in day and yet I didn’t post, oops! I did weigh in though, sigh. I didn’t lose weight…I didn’t gain mind you but I didn’t lose either. double sigh. I stayed the exact same…what’s with that? I guess it’s good that I didn’t gain, ok, I don’t guess that, I know that but I wanted to lose darn it! (picture an overweight red head stamping her foot, lol)

When something doesn’t go the way I want it to I like to figure out why, I have come up with two reasons. The first is that I had too many days last week where I underate my points – Weight Watchers is clear that if you don’t eat enough points (aka food) per day your body will hold on to it’s fat and refuse to let you lose it, mean! lol. The second reason is that the two days prior to last weeks weigh in and the day of the weigh in I was sickly, I hadn’t eaten or drank nearly as much as I should have been ingesting so when I weighed in I was dehydrated and had almost no food in my system – that will definitly affect your weight. So my conclusion for this week? It’s sucky that I didn’t lose weight this week but good that I maintained instead of gained – next weigh in day should have better results (as long as I don’t get sick this week, or eat over/under my points to an extreme). I will go back to the basics, making my lunch the night before, focusing on eating my exact number of points, having a healthy nutrient rich diet and trying to make the best choices I can for what I eat. 🙂

Having said all that I didn’t eat such a varied healthy diet today, lol, today was a peanut butter and chocolate kind of day. I had a headache from the moment I woke up and didn’t really want to eat much of anything, shrug, I of course did eventually eat and have eaten almost all my points for the day so that’s good. 🙂

I have a rule, if I can’t calculate the points for the food I don’t eat it. It’s a pretty basic rule but it really helps me not eat things that are bad for me. When food or treats are brought in to work it’s easier to say no when I rely on that rule but yesterday I had to break that rule – and boy did it get broken!

There was a work function, a bbq, and I had almost no control over the food. We were each given an option of steak or chicken so I chose chicken. Before the entree there were raw veggies with dip and a 7 Layer Dip (which is my absolute favourite!!), um, I think there was somthing else, oh! the tortilla chips to dip in the 7 layer dip. I knew I’d end up eating things bad for me and that I’d end up cheating with something so I was almost ok with not being able to calculate the points. lol. I really wanted that 7 layer dip – you don’t understand how much of a personal favourite that dip is! I used to buy a small size of it at the grocery store and some crackers or bread to dip in it and eat the entire container as a meal, Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

Needless to say I was highly tempted by that dip, lol, I decided to wait and see what other foods were going to be offered before touching the dip since I didn’t want to eat some of it and then really want dessert and not be allowed to have it, I wasn’t gonna cheat on everything! Which meant I had to make choices…what did I feel was worth the points?

Dinner was the chicken (an entire chicken breast, ugh, too much at once! I should have just eaten half), some salad (a very small amount because it was already coated in some kind of dressing), a couscous/grain/lentil dish (I think it was healthy but I am not certain of  everything that was in it) and a very very small spoonful of store made potato salad. A chicken breast cooked without skin and bone (as this one was) is 3 points so that is ok but I have no idea how to calculate the points for the rest, shrug. I am working on being ok with the not knowing.

There was dessert too, a homemade vegan ice cream cake. Vegan? So not me! The frosting was from a can or something, shrug, but the rest was home made, the ice cream middle was soy ice cream – I didn’t know there was such a thing. lol. It was ok, the cake part was like heaven cause it’s been so long since I had cake. I think I made a mistake eating any cause all day today I have been craving cake or cake like items cause I had a taste of it yesterday. I spent all that time weaning myself off bad stuff and didn’t think about how having a small bite would make me crave that stuff all over again. Eesh, talk about not thinking my actions through! Anyways, back to the cake, SB and I split a half slice and didn’t even manage to finish that so I didn’t eat too much of it, I think 4 or 5 bites at most. That can’t be too bad, right? There was also some fruit so I had some pineapple and some grapes, not even a serving, heck, not even half a serving.

All in all I don’t think I did too badly with the food at the bbq yesterday. It could have been a lot worse! I had only eaten 7 points worth of food before the bbq so I had lots of points left to use at the bbq – I am not sure if I used them, went over or was under but I did the best I could. For today I am 1.5 points under and I have nothing to eat to bring me to my points. I am contemplating some fruit or something, at least use 1 point so I am only 0.5 under but I am full and really don’t want anything. I can’t bring myself to follow the Weight Watchers rules blindly, they say eat all your points no matter what, and I am sure they have a reason that is valid but I am full, it is 10:30pm and if I eat anything it will make me feel over full and sickly. I don’t think anyone should eat if they are already full and it is late at night – do you?

I totally forgot to say why I don’t think the weigh in was an epic fail! Oy, I’m losing it! lol. I needed something to wear to the bbq so I dug out some jeans I haven’t been able to wear in years, I thought I could at least give them a try. Well, yah! Happy Dance! They fit! Awesome! And not only did they fit they started sliding down throughout the day, sweeeeeeeeeeeet! 😀 😀 😀 Sure it’s just a simple pair of jeans but I am stoked that they fit! That is why the day, heck the week, was not an epic fail, cause even though all I did was manage to maintain my weight I have managed to get myself in to a pair of jeans that I haven’t been able to wear since well, a loooong time ago. teehee. 😀

So for today I ate:

1 Peanut Butter and Banana sandwich

    – 2 pcs bread = 2 points

    – 1 tbls light peanut butter = 2 points

    – 1 banana = 2 points

    – touch of cinnamon = 0 points

9 Maltesers = 2 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

42 grams whole wheat pasta = 2.5 points

1/8 cup Alfredo Sun Dried Tomato Sauce = 1 point

1 wrap = 2 points

1 tbsp nutella = 2 points

1 tbsp light peanut butter = 2 points

1 skinny cow ice cream sandwich = 2 points

So that is 20.5 points for the day. The alfredo sauce gave me some trouble, 1/4 cup is 2 points so that is how much I had measured out for my pasta but when the pasta was cooked, drained and on the plate I realized I had way too much sauce for that amount of pasta. So I used about half of the sauce and that was plenty for the pasta. I had already measured out 4 servings of the sauce to use throughout the week and put the rest of the jar in the freezer  so I will have to use a full serving of pasta for each serving of sauce…more points then I would like for one meal but do-able…I think! 😛 The sauce is really good though and totally worth the points; I will just have to try to find whole wheat pasta that is lower in points once the pasta I have now runs out. Shouldn’t be too hard…I don’t think…


20 Aug

You wouldn’t believe how long it has taken me to write this post, eesh. I started last night and kept rambling about a totally different topic then what I was trying to write about. So I decided to write on a new topic and that ended up in confused ramblings too. lol. Apparently last night I really needed to ramble. 😛 It was getting so late I decided to save the draft I had going and hit the sack – figured it wouldn’t hurt to leave it till tonight. shrug.

So here I am, I completely erased the draft and am starting over…I will attempt to not ramble. lol.

Since all my attempts at introspection ended up in utter nonsense I will keep this focused and non-deep. This week has sucked – points wise that is. Saturday and Sunday I didn’t eat all my points, actually, I didn’t eat them all on Monday either…Tuesday was fine, ate all my points so yah! lol. However, Wednesday was way under…sigh. Thursday was spot on and today I am only 0.5 under so that’s ok. The Weight Watcher rules clearly state to Eat All Your Points!!!! If you don’t eat them all it means you are undereating for the day and that can screw up your metabolism and make you not only not lose weight but gain it. Crap. Now, if I undereat one day a week that doesn’t bother me, it is usually because I wasn’t feeling well or plans messed up my eating schedule and really, one day a week isn’t that big a deal. shrug. But 5 days of not eating all my points?!?! That is excessive. I didn’t feel hungry on those days; didn’t feel deprived or wanting for anything but that isn’t a good indicator of what my body needs. I am well aware (now) that your body isn’t always as smart as you think it is; your body might be saying it is hungry but you have ingested enough calories for the day, it could also seem to be telling you that you aren’t hungry but you haven’t eaten nearly enough. How the body can be so wrong I don’t know, but all the so called experts say it can be and who am I to disagree?

Malibu, the person at work who started Weight Watchers last Friday…she has only been on the program for a week and she lost 4 pounds! How the fuck did that happen?? It took me over 2 weeks to manage that…grr. I asked her what she did, if she exercised etc and she said she just has an easy time to lose 15 pounds or so but after that she plateaus and can’t seem to shift anymore weight. She shrugged off those 4 pounds like it was no big deal, like losing it was a breeze. I am so jealous, sigh. To top it off she came to me when the bday cake we had at work was tempting her and I convinced her to not cheat…I wish I hadn’t succeeded in helping her not cheat, maybe then next week she wouldn’t lose as much. lol.

Oh, had the best salad today from the Salad Loop…nasty dressing though. ick. I thought I’d try a dressing I have never had so I took some Blue Cheese dressing. You put the dressing in a little container which is great cause I keep the dressing in the little container instead of pouring it on my salad and then dip my forkful of salad in to the dressing, this way I use way less. 😀 When I was putting the dressing in to the little container I saw it was way oily, hmm, I was tempted to put it back but there were too many people around watching so, shrug, I kept it. I ate some of my salad with the dressing but couldn’t bring myself to like the flavour of it, I ended up eating more then half the salad with out the dressing – it’s a good thing I had great toppings on the salad so it wasn’t boring! lol. For hours after I ate all I could taste was that stupid dressing – ugh – I think next time I will stick with the Light Ranch. 🙂

I am worried about my weigh in tomorrow – I seem to write that every week but what can I say, every week it is true. shrug. This past week I underate way too often, had 2 horrible fat days and today I just feel heavy. Oh, and I am demoralized by Malibu losing so much weight in one week. I was really hoping that this weeks weigh in would put me at a total weight loss of 10 lbs or more but I don’t think that is gonna happen. Blarg. I know I should be happy with what I have lost so far (even though today I feel as big as ever) but it is hard to maintain the happy feelings from a good weigh in throughout the week…by the night before weigh in I have almost always lost the giddy happy feeling and am just worried about what the scale will say. I hate that scale.

Let’s see what I ate today:

3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2cup strawberries = 1 point

Salad from Salad Loop = 6 points

    – 1 hard boiled egg, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, mixed veggies, artificial crab, chickpeas, sunflower seeds, grated cheddar cheese, dressing

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 medium slush = 2 points

1 peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich = 5 points

    – 2 pcs bread, 1 tbls light peanut butter, 1 tbls raspberry jam

1/2 cup mashed yam = 1.5 points

1 Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich = 2 points

My total for the day is 21.5 points. I am ok with being the 0.5 points under, I don’t have anything that is worth only a half point and I am not going to go over my points in an attempt to hit my points…although, I have more then all my flex points still available to me. lol. Ah well, it’s too late to fix what I messed up with this past week and it’s for sure too late tonight to eat anything else. Wish me luck on the scale tomorrow!

Hungry hungry hippo

17 Aug

s'thing else that can eat an eat an eat

Today was what I would have once called a “food day”, that is a day where you are always hungry and eat an eat an eat, you don’t care what you eat, you just eat. It didn’t matter what I ate today or how much – I wanted more…but…I didn’t cave! I ate the food I took to work, I snacked on fruits and veggies and when I got home I ate a healthy dinner and still have one point left, oh yeah baby!

To make it an even harder day it is also a “fat day”, I am sure that doesn’t need any explanation. sigh. I hate fat days, they are bad enough when you aren’t trying to lose weight cause really, what do you do? You wear something looser then normal, eat even more food then what you usually would and figure whatever, you’re already a fat cow who cares if you add more weight to your ever widening ass? It’s not a happy mind set, or a healthy one really. Having a fat day when losing weight is even shittier…I felt like I had made no progress (even though I know I have lost weight), I felt like I should give up, I felt like stuffing cake and McDonald’s and Chinese food and sushi and anything else that crossed my mind in to my mouth cause hey, I am fat and depriving myself of all kinds of foods I really like and it’s making me miserable and just eat already!!! Normally I don’t feel deprived by not eating all those foods I mentioned, I have a goal and a reason for the goal and I am slowly getting closer to the goal but today, it was like a little demon was in my head feeding me thoughts perfectly designed to get me to cheat. It has been a hard day.

now imagine the devil whispering in my ear all day about food...bastard!

The eating portion of my day is almost over and I still have 1 point left, I am going to use that point to eat a weight watchers 1 point candy. I convinced myself earlier to use some flex points, I had an argument all worked out about how it’s ok to use flex points sometimes and why not today? But I have decided I am not gonna do it, I don’t want to use my flex points, I don’t want to get on the scale saturday and wonder if I had only had some willpower on tuesday would the number showing be even smaller? I don’t want to give myself room for doubt…and that is what cheating will give me, all the space in the world. I have a habit of engaging in self-destructive behaviour, I am surprised I haven’t tried to screw myself over already, I have never tried to resist the self-destructive behaviour…it’s hard and seems to go against everything that is in me but I am gonna give it a shot.

Today I have eaten:

2 Weetabix Biscuits = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato soup = 2 points

2 triangles laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1/4 cup couscous with corn = 3 points

mixed raw veggies = 0 points

1 Fresh Express Salsa Supreme Salad = 8 points

1 corn on the cob = 1 point

1 tsp margarine = 1 point

So far I am at a total of 21, and like I already said I will eat my 1 point candy and finish up for the day.  I think I will go down some more water to try to trick my tummy in to thinking it is full and then go to bed so I am not aware of how much I want to gorge on the cookies that are in my kitchen…or the ice cream…or the pasta…why do I have this stuff?!?! Argh! lol

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