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Three Day Gong Show

18 Dec

You would think that in the final stretch of this challenge, when there are barely any days left to lose enough weight to be able to fit in to the pants I have hanging on my wall I would be doing everything right. You’d think I’d be exercising once a day or more, that I’d be following my eating plan so strictly that not even a little crumb of something bad for me would get near me, let alone in me. But this is me. And we should all know better than that by now. πŸ˜‰

I am surprised at just how spectacularly I have screwed up these past three days. I’m talking epic levels of screwed up! EPIC! *sigh*

I’m ashamed at how badly I have been eating these last three days. Some of it I know why it happened, some of it I don’t. I know that right now I am a combination of “what’s done is done and tomorrow is going to be even worse so get over it” and “oh my god I can’t believe how badly I am sabotaging myself! do I not want to fit in to the jeans? do I want to be fat forever? put the freakin food down already and learn to have some semblance of will power damn it!”

Since I believe in tough love and generally am not all that nice to myself I am leaning more towards the second mentality than the first. I tend to mentally yell at myself a lot lol

So let’s catch you up on just how I’ve been screwing up shall we?

Monday, there were little pieces of pumpkin pie at work…there was no one around which means no witnesses…I ate three little pieces, ugh. They tasted sooooo good! That particular screw up was a direct result of not over eating the day before at the buffet we had at work for Christmas. Confused? Lemme try to explain. I did my best to eat healthy at the buffet at work, I didn’t eat the eggs benedict, the potatoes, the buns, the stuffing…basically a bunch of food I would have loved to of eaten. I did eat a small piece of salmon, one slice of turkey I cut the skin off of, veggies, two shrimp and smoked salmon. Everything I took I took a small amount of and did my best to scrape off sauces etc. I allowed myself to have a lemon tart for dessert and some fresh fruit. I had a relatively small amount of food by the end of my meal and was left feeling a bit hungry, which I am sorta used to since I usually feel a low level vague sense of hunger at all times. I like to think resisting that hunger makes me strong lol πŸ˜› Everyone else stuffed themselves on the main foods and the desserts and loved every bite. None of them seemed to feel badly about what they ate or how much, they just enjoyed. I felt…deprived…which is stupid, but I did. People always walk away from buffets stuffed silly, especially Christmas buffets, free Christmas buffets, but not me, and it left me feeling…I dunno…like I was missing out on something. A little empty inside. Stupid, I know! As a result I ate three little pieces of pumpkin pie the next day. *rolls eyes* The three little pieces didn’t even equal one slice but it still set me up for the fall I was about to take off the meal plan wagon I had been on all this time.

My dinner was no better, I ended up screwing up there and going sooooo far over my calories for the day it is embarrassing. 😦

Tuesday I was going to get back on track, stop being a screw up and try to fix the damage I’d done Monday buuuuut that didn’t quite happen. I won’t go in to massive details and bore you but I ended up having to run around and fix something major uber important and didn’t get to eat until 3pm. By that time I was half starved and bought Thai food, specifically I ate Pad Thai. I love Pad Thai but had absolutely no idea just how bad it was for me, crap! Later that night when I was trying to find nutritional information I was pretty much screwed. The restaurant I bought it from doesn’t have nutritional information and everything I look at has such drastically different numbers for calories, fat, carbs, sodium etc that I don’t know which numbers to use. Since none of them had good numbers and I was feeling a bit sick from being so full I decided I just wouldn’t eat the rest of the day to balance out the ridiculousness that was that meal. That oh so tasty meal, Mmm. Would’ve worked but at a movie that night I ended up nibbling on a friend’s popcorn and twizzlers. It started as a joke, one of the guys an I were joking about how E is always so distracted we could probably sneak away his popcorn and he’d never know. Turns out we could snag it and once we had it how am I going to explain without looking like a diet obsessed female that “oh sorry, I can’t have a small amount of popcorn to finish off the joke cause it’s not in my eating plan”? I had a bit, and a bit turned in to a bit more, then somehow it turned in to also eating 4 twizzlers, and omg I didn’t want to stop! What the hell is wrong with me?! Movie junk food?? I don’t eat that crap! Arg! Bone head move or what? *flares nostrils* After the movie we went for drinks, I had this lychee drink that was so tasty! Lychee is one of my fave fruits. πŸ™‚ It was lychee liqueur, peach liqueur, apple juice and lychee for garnish. Mmm! I don’t even want to think about the calories in that…

Then today. *rolls eyes* I started off alright, I had oatmeal, not on my eating plan but relatively ok to eat. I went to the German Christmas Market with KL this evening and we ate dinner there. I had a schnitzel in a pita, there was also coleslaw stuffed in there. Holy crap it was good! KL had meat in a bun covered with sauerkraut, we weren’t sure what kind of meat it was but I was betting pork. Dessert was a waffle on a stick. I love how so many foods can be eaten on sticks nowadays lol Oh, and two cups of apple cider.

My schnitzel wrap

My schnitzel wrap

KL's unknown mean in a bun

KL’s unknown mean in a bun

Waffle on a stick drizzled in chocolate, Mmm!

Waffle on a stick drizzled in chocolate, Mmm!

That makes three days of epic food fails. THREE! I only have until Sunday to be able to fit in to those jeans if I want to succeed in my challenge and instead of making this final week an epic-do-everything-right-and-kick-ass-till-I-get-to-the-finish-line week I am going nuts with the food and lack of exercise and omg what the hell is wrong with me?? I’m so mad at myself! What’s worse is tomorrow is my work Christmas lunch and that won’t be anywhere near healthy!

I’m never gonna fit in to my jeans…

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