Tag Archives: dream catcher

What I Don’t Like To Hear

27 Jan

Two posts in one day?! Say whaaaa? That’s crazeeee! lol 😛

I went to a new doctor today about my hip (catch up here) and it appears I am going to be dragged in to the world of routine medical care whether I want to or not. *sits and throws tantrum* sigh.

It’s not that I don’t like doctors, although that is what I say cause it is easier than explaining why I avoid them, it is that, unless it’s an actual crisis/emergency/I’m-gonna-die situation I don’t see the point. It seems that so many people go to the doctor for the littlest thing, it’s a waste of the patient’s time, the doctor’s time, our healthcare system *rolls eyes* We have immune systems! We have bodies that most times can heal themselves if you take care of them properly! Stop with the excessive visits to doctors!

phew! Sorry about that little rant…

Anyways!

I had to to the ER the beginning of January because of my hip, because of my mentality towards medical care it is safe to say that if I actually go for help I really need it. The end results of my two ER visits were inconclusive and confusing. If my hip got better on its own I wasn’t to go back, if it stayed the same or got worse I was to go back, all while being on some pills. The pills had nasty side effects so I stopped taking them and over time the pain decreased so I could walk without crutches, then without a limp, then fairly normally. I still have pain but it is a manageable level and I can function daily, which in my world means I don’t need any more medical care.

Apparently I am the only one who thinks that…

A friend of mine kept bugging me to go to a doctor for follow up, when I told her I don’t have a doctor I just go to walk-in clinics when absolutely necessary she got mildly disgusted with me, said there was no reason to not have a family doctor, and gave me the name of her doctor. Then she badgered me daily for over a week to call and get an appointment! Badgered!

I caved, called the doctor and today was my appointment.

Turns out the doc is pretty nice, she sat and chatted with me for quite a while about my hip, about what could be wrong, she can’t diagnose until she sees the X-Ray and CT results from my hospital visits so we arranged for her to get those and she already has me getting another X-Ray next week so she can compare the first one to a more recent one. Ugh. She explained a lot of things in terms a non-doctor can understand and expressed mild disdain for the lack of results I got from the ER docs.

However, she said things I really didn’t want to hear, like:

– we’ll almost definitely be getting you in to see an orthopedic surgeon

– next week get another x-ray of the hip done

– did they take blood at the hospital? if not I’m going to get some blood work done

– they prescribed those meds to you?? that is a really strong dosage! no wonder you had side effects

– let’s go over your family history

– you have a lot of risk factors we’ll want to keep an eye on

– once we’ve dealt with your hip I want to get your cholesterol levels tested and arrange for other exams/tests

– one of the causes of your hip pain is a vein could have been cut off and a part of your hip could be “dying”

– I’ll see you again soon

The woman wants to get me jabbed with needles to test my freakin cholesterol, wtf! It’s fine! Just leave it alone! No need to go digging for problems! Besides that, if people were meant to give blood so often we’d have all be born with valves in our arms, eesh. *flares nose*

The mention of an orthopedic surgeon disturbs me also but I’m trying to ignore that one…

After the appointment was over I was walking back to my suv and passed by a coffee shop I never get to go to anymore cause I’m not in that area often, they have a really yummy tea so I went in to get one and came out with not only the tea but this…

Best cinnamon bun ever!

Best cinnamon bun ever!

They advertise it as “the best cinnamon bun ever” and I gotta say, they could be right. I was going to slack, eat it when I got home, then use it as an excuse to not cook dinner but as my previous post shows I didn’t do that, I made stir fry, so this became dessert. Thing was, after dinner I was so full that for hours I was convinced I wouldn’t be eating the cinnamon bun tonight cause the tummy was full but luckily my stomach’s dessert compartment opened up and that cinnamon bun fit right in lol 🙂

Another thing I got was this…

pretty dreamcatcher

pretty dreamcatcher

I know I know! You aren’t supposed to buy a dreamcatcher for yourself, you are only supposed to get them as gifts or make them for yourself but I have been dreamcatcher-less for a while now and I really needed one. For those who don’t know a dreamcatcher is placed above your bed and during the night bad dreams get caught in the webbing, then when the sun comes up the sun destroys them, thereby ensuring the sleeping person only gets happy dreams. The dreamcatcher I had for years and years (seriously, it was a gift in high school from a friend) became so ragged the leather was breaking and the feathers were coming off so it had to be replaced. Someone I knew bought me a new one and it was lovely but we no longer speak and I wasn’t comfortable having something from them guarding my sleep so I took it down hmm, over a year ago. So all this time I have had nothing guarding my dreams, sadness. I saw this in a window of a shop I passed and I dunno, it felt right, like I was meant to have it, I wasn’t even actively looking for one so it was odd I felt so connected to it. Great, now I sound like a hippie lol I went in and it wasn’t expensive so it became mine and is now hanging over my bed. 🙂 I feel better having it there, especially with words like “orthopedic surgeon” running through my head lol

Lost Ability

25 Nov

I have lost the ability to sleep, which I gotta say, really sucks. 😛 Normally I have trouble getting to sleep but I eventually manage it and once asleep I sleep like the dead. Earthquake? No waking up happening over here. Really bad storm? Nope. Loud noises outside my window? Nah. My ability to sleep through pretty much anything has always been something I have enjoyed, it meant that even if I didn’t get a long sleep time I got good quality sleep which, for my body anyways, seems to be the more important aspect about sleeping.

I know a lot of people are all “you gotta get 8 hours, blah blah blah” and I do understand about sleep being the time our bodies restore themselves and I also get how certain chemicals are released that help with losing or maintaining or gaining weight and how if we don’t get the right amount of sleep it can sabotage all that nice work we do during the day to keep ourselves looking how we want (-or for some of us, the work we do to try to get ourselves looking how we want *shuffles feet*) but I also think that every person is different and there can be no set rules about anything when it comes to our bodies and what is best. I can function wonderfully for a week at a time with only 3 hours sleep each night, I don’t nap, I don’t look tired (thank goodness!) and I’m not performing at diminished capacity or refraining from doing all my normal stuff due to tiredness…I do however eat more carbs lol

But this, this not being able to get to sleep and when I do manage to nod off not being able to stay asleep, this is just not pleasant. I’m cold throughout the day (and while yes, I am always a bit chilled this is a deep in the bones cold that my sweaters and endless cups of tea are doing nothing to touch), I am grumpier then normal, my eating is off (as in, I’m not really eating) and I feeeeeeel tired, ugh. Nobody likes to feel tired, that draggy don’t want to do anything but zone out and nap feeling, boo!

I haven’t figured out how to combat this little problem. I am refusing to let myself nap (something I seem able to do, so at least I know I can fall asleep…eventually, and at inconvenient times lol) but if I nap then I really can’t sleep that night which screws me up for work the next day, sigh.

Today after work I did some errands, then came to the apartment, watched a dvd, talked on the phone with peeps, scrubbed my bathroom from top to bottom, basically did whatever I could to keep my mind engaged enough that I wouldn’t nap cause oh man did I want to! I’m hoping that by not only refusing my body the nap it wants but also doing physical stuff around the apartment I wear myself out enough that tonight I get that elusive snooze fest *crosses fingers*

You’d think that if my mind/body won’t let me sleep I’d at least be more productive during those late night hours and be, I don’t know, solving world hunger, or writing the next great novel, doing something constructive and impressive with all this available time. Wouldn’t it be nice if this insomnia-fest was the universe’s way of giving me more time to get stuff done? Sadly though, just because I am not asleep at 3am doesn’t mean I am not tired so I am in bed, laying there with my hot water bottle and my comfy pillows, wishing for sleep, and hoping I at least doze off a bit, but not really succeeding. I figure I must be dozing off at least a bit here and there otherwise I’d be in crazy land by now from lack of REM time but I know it’s not so much unconscious time as to count as a real nights sleep. *rolls eyes*

Tomorrow I am taking down my dream catcher, it’s new and I wonder if there are too many bad karma vibes attached to it for it to be working…don’t laugh, or, fine, laugh, but know that if you were here in front of me I’d smack you for disrespecting the dream catcher 😛 I have had a dream catcher for so many years it’s crazy. I get bad dreams and I swear by my dream catcher. I don’t care if it’s a mental thing, you know, a I-think-it’s-working-therefore-it-is-working or if it really works, all I know is that it comforts me to have it hanging there, guarding me while I sleep…or not sleep as the recent case may be…but like I said, this one is new so maybe that has something to do with my new bout of insomnia…can’t hurt to take it down and try…course, I’m taking it down when I don’t work the next day so that if my removing it makes things worse it won’t set me up for a crap ass day at work…hope for the best but prepare for the worst right? 😉

 

%d bloggers like this: