Tag Archives: emotional eating

Weirdest Celebration Yet

31 May

So first the good news, heck, not good, try awesome, excellent, amazing, wonderous…or any other kick ass word you can think of lol. I (finally) got a job! wOOt! 😀 *happy dance*

You might be wondering why the hell I’m so happy to get a job when I’m an actress and this is a “day job” not a paid acting gig so let me explain. I am poor. lol. Easy enough. All actors have “day jobs” because acting is a freakish hard industry to break in to and you’ll starve to death before getting paid acting gigs if you’re not careful. Besides that, you are constantly taking classes, getting new headshots, new demo reels, getting copies of your headshots printed to take to auditions, having to maintain your look (hair, eyebrows, clothes, gym sessions), take classes to have new (or maintain) special skills (what, you think I was born with sword fighting skills? I had to take classes for that.) and then some. It’s crazy how much money you put in to acting when you have no idea if you’ll make it or not and that money could be going towards oh say, saving for a down payment on your own home, exotic vacations, laser eye surgery…the list is endless lol.  But if you truly love acting, and if you feel deep down that is what you are meant to be doing and you can’t envision your life as a non-actor, then you suck it up and get a day job…and then channel as much of that money as you can back in to your acting lol.

So I’ve been hunting for ages for a new day job. I got laid off about a year ago and was collecting EI from the government, that got me enough to survive and that’s about it. This job hunt has been going on a while and I did get a couple offers but for jobs that when I was offered the job, as soon as I got off the phone with the person, I either (1) had a panic attack at the idea of taking the job or (2) cried at the idea of taking the job…neither of which are good indicators of how happy I would be in that job. The jobs were office jobs, monday to friday 9-5 type of deals and they scared the crap outta me. Sure, they pay well, but is a decent pay cheque worth my soul? And before you go rolling your eyes and say I’m being overly dramatic let me point out that (1) I’m an actor, of course I’m dramatic and (2) jobs like that crush a person, you don’t notice at first but eventually you get so sucked in to the company, the steady pay cheque, the rut, that you can’t break out and before you know it you’ve wasted years there that you can never get back. I just couldn’t bring myself to say yes, those job offers made me feel backed in to a corner and that I had to run away as fast as I could or else give up my acting dream forever. I mean, come on, if I wanted to have a boring office job I could have stayed in AB and saved myself the cost of moving here, going to acting school, and making a life for myself in BC.

Luck was on my side though and I found a job I really wanted and turns out they really wanted me too, win-win! 😀 It’s not like it’s a crazy awesome sounding job, it’s a receptionist at a retirement community, but it’s perfect for me at this stage of the game. They pay awesome, I get full extended health benefits (I can finally go to a dentist again! lol), ten paid vacation days (not a lot but decent), my birthday is a paid day off once I’ve been there a year, they are super close to where I work (15 minute commute), there is profit sharing and the BEST part is they are willing to work around my acting and my dragon boating! Oh, and the people are super nice, the job sounds interesting enough I won’t be bored senseless but not so stressful I’ll wanna pull out my hair and when I was offered it I did a happy dance while still on the phone being offered the job – much better reaction then panic attacks or crying wouldn’t you say? 🙂

After I got off the phone and called my parents and facebooked and tweeted about getting the job I immediately thought about how to celebrate this happy day. You’re never gonna guess what I did! Did I…treat myself to a yummy desert? Did I…go out to dinner? Did I…indulge in some form of alcoholic drink? Did I…go hang out with friends? Nope, none of the above. I…went to the gym and had a kick ass workout then I came home, had my protein shake, my half a chicken breast and mixed veggie dinner and then chilled for the rest of the night. So, basically, I treated myself by being healthy…weird huh?

See, lately I’ve been stressing about stuff and have learned the true impact of emotional eating, eek. I’ve been veering super far off course from my eating plan lately and eating stuff I shouldn’t be for no reason other then I can, lame! So, when I got this awesome news instead of going and getting a cinnamon bun or some chocolate or whatever I decided to treat myself by being good to myself. I’m kinda hoping this will re-enforce to my brain and body that healthy eating is good and leaves me feeling good and unhealthy eating is bad and leaves me feeling bad…I’d give you feedback on if it’s working but the day after I woke up sick and am still sick today and when I’m sick it totally messes up my appetite so I’m not too sure yet…

My first day of training isn’t until June 12th so I have a bit more chillaxin time before entering the land of being a productive member of society lol. My shifts are great, Friday and Saturday I work 3p-9p, Sunday and Monday I work 7a-3p. Some people might be all ‘dude, you’re weekend is shot’ but I don’t care, I’d rather have the majority of Monday to Friday 9a-5p available so I can go to auditions – see? The priorities of the actor, lol. 🙂 and my dragon boat practices are Monday evenings so I’ll never have to miss.

Sure, this isn’t a forever kind of job, but that’s not what I was looking for, I was looking for a see-me-through-the-next-couple-years-while-I-make-a-name-for-myself-acting kind of job and for that this is perfect. 🙂

I’m glad I celebrated by going back to my eating plan and exercise plan that day, makes me feel good about the entire day, not just the getting-the-job part. Buuuuut the getting-the-job part was by far the best part of that day! lol 😀

From Sadness to Fear to Anger to Self Medication

14 Mar

Have you ever noticed how fear makes us do weird things? We all react to it differently and a situation that intellectually isn’t that big of a deal grows so huge in our heads we freak out.

There’s legit fear; like what those in Japan have been feeling for days – earthquake, tsunami and now failing power plants, they are probably wondering what is going to happen next, I know I am.

But there is another fear, fear on a personal level about all kinds of things. Fear of embarassment, fear caused by your pride, fear of illness, pain, poverty…

The type I felt today was fear of change.

Normally I spout on about the greatness that is change – change your hairstyle, wardrobe, food, always try something new when you have the chance, always choose the thing you haven’t done yet because change makes you grow…and growth is all kinds of good! 😀

Sometimes though something changes that throws you, something you never really thought about changing and therefore didn’t prepare for.

All my talk about loving change and today I was knocked back a step, reminded how replaceable I am, how in this large company I am no more important then a background person on a movie set – I am a breathing prop.

Nobody wants to be that; nobody wants to think their manager will just trade them to a different section of the company without any advance notice, a question about if you want to go…hell, a hint?!

Today I got pulled aside and told I am being switched to a different department, my work load is being redistributed to those I have to leave behind and the contents of my desk will be moved to a new section.

Now sure, it could be worse. At least I know on a friendly lunch room sociable level those I’ll be working with but I don’t even know what they do let alone what I will be doing.

A person I trained who recently got traded over to this same departmant will now be training me – ah, see how pride can rear it’s ugly head?

So, let’s recap my emotions of the day since my being told of my shift at work:

(1) shock, surprise (2) sadness at not getting to sit near my friend, at being booted out of the department I have been in for so long, at having to move where I sit (3) bit more shock when I fully realized how replaceable I am (4) fear about my new job, new area I will be sitting in, people I will be sitting with, what will be expected of me, fear of the unknown (5) anger at myself for being so weak and whiny I would be scared over a change as insignificant as this

So how does all this connect to my weight loss? Cause we all know I have to link everything back to that at some point…lol

Simple, my overly emotional day (mostly, well, ok, all negative emotions) put me on a roller coaster I am not good at riding. Some people self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs of some sort…I use food. *rolls eyes* So that is what I did today for dinner…I stopped at Panago Pizza on the way home and ordered a personal sized beef taco pizza with jalapeno ranch dipping sauce and I also got the dessert bread sticks…cause the pizza isn’t bad enough apparently.

Hey, sure, it’s not a good way to deal with what happened but it could’ve been worse! I could have followed through with my original plan to hit up a liquor store, so there! 😛 Least the calories I took in were food related and there were some food groups in there (I get my pizza loaded with lettuce and tomato) instead of just inhaling empty calories on beer…lemme at least pretend there is a silver lining here ok?

The day started off well, I read up on the amount of servings expected per day for all the food groups and was well on my way of hitting the 6-8 fruit veggie servings we are supposed to get per day but yeah, I so failed that plan. sigh. Ah well, that’s what tomorrow is for…stupid emotions…see if I let you kick my butt next time! Grr!