Tag Archives: over eating

Food Baby

27 Apr

Oooomph, foooood baby! Right here! Right now! OMG so much food in tummy, ugh.

Why the hell do I over eat like this? There is absolutely no need for the amount of food I ate for dinner tonight, and yet, I ate it! Sometimes I irritate myself, sigh.

A friend and I went out for dinner, we met in my neighbourhood which was awesome cause that meant I walked to meet her and then we walked to the restaurant. I am trying to walk more just in general and it also meant I didn’t use my suv which meant I didn’t use the oh-so-expensive gas that is in the tank (currently $1.53/litre, lovely huh?). My hope is by walking whenever possible I will sneak some extra exercise in there all under the guise of saving money on fuel and parking lol. 😉

We ended up going to Burgers Etc which is a burger/bbq place. Neither of us had been there before and I’d been dying to try it since I moved to this area, that’d be, hmm, a year and a half ago?

burgers etc

We decided to split an appetizer, we almost always do, we wanted the onion rings with bbq sauce but they ran out of onion rings, meanies! lol So we ended up with the pulled pork cheese fries. As soon as they arrived I knew we were in trouble because the plate was huuuuge! Enough for 4 people to share easy! They were quite good though, loved the bbq sauce. There was grated cheese, pulled pork, bbq sauce and I swear some chili on there. Quite the combo. I forgot to take pics so the image below is one I found online, ours was served on a very nice white, fancy serving platter (not the dorky plastic basket shown in the pic) but the food looked the same. 🙂

burgers etc pulled pork cheese fries

Then we each got a burger. You choose beef, chicken or veggie burger, all options automatically come topped with mayo, ketchup, lettuce, tomato, onion and dill pickle. Then you choose any other topping you want, an extra dollar per topping, I chose mushrooms, cheddar cheese and jalapenos. The burgers are more tall than wide so you really have to squish it down to be able to fit it in your mouth lol You can choose from a list of sides: coleslaw, potato salad, macaroni salad, garden salad, fries, corn, soup or baked beans. I chose the macaroni salad, my friend got the coleslaw and we shared. Both were good but I preferred the macaroni salad. According to the server the macaroni salad, potato salad and coleslaw are made fresh in-house, yay!

burgers ect burger

Again with an image from the internet since I forgot to take pics. The above burger isn’t mine but I wanted to give you an idea of what mine looked like. Mine had mushrooms and jalapenos not only on the burger but spilling out all over the plate. Oh! I forgot, I added bbq sauce, so don’t forget that, it made my burger messier to eat but I love bbq sauce, Mmm!

The whole experience was great, the staff were nice, patient, answered all our food questions. The food tasted good and was suitably messy – c’mon, we all know certain foods taste better when they are messy lol 😛

I really enjoyed the macaroni salad, seems weird that the side dish was my favourite part of the meal lol wonder if I can just order that one day as take out…something to think about…

As soon as you walk in you start to drool, the place smells amazing! Well, as long as you like bbq it smells amazing lol I’d really like to try the ribs I think, just to get some more of that sauce lol The sauce is what made the burger stand out, otherwise it was pretty much like any other burger, but taller.

I couldn’t eat the entire burger but didn’t leave thaaaaat much of it behind. I’m really regretting not cutting that sucker in half and bringing half home. The macaroni salad side was small-ish so no way any of that would have made it in to a doggie bag, shrug. Normally I’m semi-decent at bringing food home from restaurants, partly so I don’t overeat at the restaurant and also because eating out generally isn’t cheap and I’d rather the money I spend cover the cost of two meals if possible. Not this time however. Next time though, I swear! Next time I’ll bring half that burger home and heat it up the next day! 🙂

Oh, and if you were wondering, the walking I did to meet my friend, get to the restaurant and get home was not an impressive amount at all and in no way helped to offset the meal lol 😛


A Little Down Lately

18 Jan

Do you ever have days where for absolutely no reason you can point to you are a bit down? I’ve been having days like that lately and when I have the energy to care it pisses me off, mostly I don’t have the energy to care though lol

This evening I am a bit down but I know why. I got booked in a non-union no-pay commercial that is filming tomorrow. The plan was I would rush after work to the set and film, yay! Even though I wouldn’t be getting paid it would be good exposure and I looooove being on set. Plus, it is my first official booking with my new agent and it seemed like a great sign for how the rest of the year would go, so soon in the year getting a booking? What a wicked start!

Well, sigh, I got an email that the time of the shoot has been changed to tomorrow at 11:30am, I can’t make it because I will be at my day job and it wasn’t enough notice for me to swap shifts. Ugh. Luckily, because it is a no-pay gig I won’t get in trouble for not being able to go anymore but there goes my exposure, double sigh.

Since I got the email with the change of time I’ve been down. On my drive back to my apartment after work this evening I was actively thinking about getting a milk shake, as if drinking a ridiculously high in calorie drink would somehow make me feel better. Taste good suuuuuure but do anything good for me long term? Nope. Short term though…well, that’s a different matter since some days a person just wants to eat/drink their feelings lol

Instead of buying a milkshake I made a drink at home that I love but rarely have because it isn’t all that great for me (though there are a lot worse drinks out there lol) but also because I like saving it as a treat.

these two added to warm milk = deliciousness

these two added to warm milk = deliciousness

You take milk, warm it on the stove, while it is heating up add a couple tablespoons of the almond powder that is in the pink tin, stir for a bit, pour in to a mug and sprinkle some nutmeg on top.

It’ll look like this…

Warm Almond Milk topped with Nutmeg

Warm Almond Milk topped with Nutmeg

If you are like me you have a mug you use for special comfort drinks (hot chocolate, warm almond milk with nutmeg…um, those are my only comfort drinks lol) which is why my drink is in that snazzy Star Trek mug that I got in Vegas. 🙂

I haven’t been working out a lot lately, read between the lines and that translates to “I haven’t been working out at all lately” 😦 Bad me! *shakes finger at self* Mostly because of the hip and a small part because of my being lazy lol I went for a walk last Wednesday and am embarrassed to admit that was my only form of activity for all of last week. Laaaaaaame!

So now I’m trying to decide which way the correlation goes, do I feel down and as a result haven’t been exercising or have I not been exercising and that has me feeling down…either way the result is I am not exercising. *rolls eyes* I had a day or two last week where if I had wanted to push the hip I probably could have done something active but didn’t go because (get this!) I felt fat! Yeah, you read that right…I had a day where I didn’t go to the gym because I felt too fat to go to the gym, I felt that everyone would be staring and judging me as I failed on the treadmill, as I tried to lift weights, as I looked ridiculous stretching…you get the idea…

I am well aware of the faults in this logic…I can’t get in shape if I am not exercising but I was feeling too down and fat to want to go exercise. This is not a situation I am used to and I’m not really sure how to get out of it…*confused face*

I’ve decided I’m fed up with myself. Hell, I am irritating myself. So tonight before I go to bed I am going to pack a bag with my work out stuff in it and hang it on the door knob to my front door, that way I can’t possibly forget it tomorrow when I leave for work. Then after work no matter what I am exercising! I may go to the gym, I may go for an outdoor run, I dunno, but I am damn sure I am gonna do something cause no way I’ll start feeling better about how I look if I just keep doing nothing.

get out of your own way

Different People Different Portions

6 Dec

I find it interesting how who I eat a meal with can affect what I think a proper portion of food is. I know that all food can be measured out and the “real” proper portion size found but that doesn’t usually happen when eating in a restaurant or at a friends place or when a friend is eating at your place…in fact, there are a lot of situations where you can’t actually measure/weigh the food so you have to eyeball it and hope you are sorta right. Usually in those instances I tend to eat less just to be on the safe side, after all, I’d rather go a bit hungry and know I didn’t eat a ridiculous amount of food then feel overly full and wonder just how many calories I consumed…but that is not how everyone approaches food.

I ate lunch out today with three friends, my credit card was very happy that it was considered a “working lunch” so one of the guys paid for everyone so he can write it off in his taxes, go taxes! lol The group of us went for sushi and there I am reading the menu, my eyes being immediately drawn to some of my favourite dishes and trying to decide what to order. My first thought was I’d get some agedashi tofu (spicy of course!), sashimi and a sushi roll. Thank god I didn’t order first! The first person to order got a mango and avocado salad, now, we all know a salad in a sushi restaurant is not like a salad in say, Original Joe’s, her salad was super duper tiny, just some slices of fruit piled on top of each other with some sprouts underneath…not my idea of a salad but oh well. Thing is, when I heard her order that and only that I was all “oh crap, I can’t order three things, I’ll look like a freakin pig!” The next person to order got two sushi rolls and some miso soup, that made me feel a bit better, least she got two things (three technically cause she got two orders of rolls but she got the same kind twice so it doesn’t feel like it should count somehow…) My turn! Big breath, I can do this, I can order without looking like a pig, right??? I got an appetizer sashimi and one sushi roll, phew, that’s not so bad, go me! 🙂 The fourth person ordered two rolls I think…so, except for the person who just got the tiny salad we all got roughly the same amount of food, and of course in the spirit of sushi we all tried each others – don’t you love that about sushi? 😀

Afterwards though it really got me thinking, some friends I know would have looked at what we each individually ordered and been appalled at the lack of food. They would have ordered 3-4 items for themselves and expected everyone else to do the same, and even then they might still order a second round of food later because to them, that is normal portion sizes.

All foods are like this, not just sushi, people have different ideas of what is a “normal” amount of food to order or cook and it can be hard when eating with someone who has a drastically different portion size in mind because either someone ends up feeling starved or someone ends up feeling obligated to eat more then they want…neither is a good spot to be in. You’d think people could just be happy with letting the others at the table eat the amount they are comfortable eating but nope, generally that doesn’t happen…why can’t that happen??? *confused face*

I can actually divide the people in my life via portion sizes ordered/eaten at restaurants. It’s kind of funny, and really indicative of what career path that person has chosen. Everyone I know who acts orders small, just like today at lunch. We are all actors, we all have to think not only what do we look like in real life but on camera and so we all tend to order small. I think actors also tend to be more cautious about what they will eat in front of other actors just because you don’t want to be judged or thought negatively about because you ate too much. Hey, it’s a visual media, it’s just how it goes, shrug. But my friends who don’t act tend to order/cook larger amounts of food. So, when I am with my non acting friends if I am not careful I tend to match how much I eat to how much they eat which in the long term? not a good way to go. In the short term though, sooooooo nice to order a pasta dish and not ask for half of it to be automatically put in a to go box and to get a salad with dressing (even if I do put it on the side lol) I love going out to eat with my friends who aren’t going to look at my plate and judge me because I ate everything on it, or who might raise their eyebrows at me because I ate carbs, or used dressing or whatever. At the same time though, some people I know push food at me and it makes it really hard. If food is pushed at me I tend to eat even less of it because I don’t like having someone trying to force me to eat an amount of food they think is right. If my stomach holds less than yours, or I am less willing to overeat at a meal or eat a meal sized portion of something that is bad for me I don’t want you demanding, forcing, cajoling me in to eating more then what I say I want. Just respect my food limits and maybe I’ll stop judging you for eating what I think is way too much food. 😛

Sorry, this turned in to a bit of a rant and I didn’t mean it to, food is just a sensitive subject with me and since I’ve been trying to get my food balance back lately I’ve been more aware of just how out of whack it got due to the influence of others. Not cool. 😦

I know some people say eat whatever you want as long as you work it off, that is a myth and not a healthy way to live. Stuffing your body is not good for your body, it over taxes your system, you store too much of the food as fat (even if you don’t look fat you can have health issues related to obesity because you are a skinny-fat person…hey, totally a real thing!) and to top it off over eating messes with the chemicals released in your brain and your energy levels and all kinds of things. I know under eating isn’t good either but that’s why I am trying to find my food balance again, I used to have it, in the old apartment, when I had my eating plan and exercise routine all worked out…I’ve really got to get back to that because this up and down way of eating I am doing right now isn’t any better for me then under eating at every meal or over eating at every meal. Man, it sucks that food can be so hard sometimes, sigh.

We Are All Expendable

15 May

Never forget that you are expendable – easily replaced in many ways, hell, sometimes not even replaced just made obsolete. A sucky truth but a truth nontheless.

Normally I am much more upbeat on this blog (I think…) but the end of last week was highly stressed and this is the first I am getting to type since then so I’m channelling all that stress and negativity. sigh.

First part of my stress was my oldest nephew had surgery, he is 10 and not nearly old enough to have to be dealing with surgery in my opinion…course his first experience with surgery was when he was 7 months old so I guess he’s an old pro by now. He made it through just perfect so no worries there but for all of wednesday, well most of wednesday, I was freaking out in my head about what stage he was at, if he was ok, why hadn’t somebody called me with an update…all that kind of stuff. lol. I finally got the news he was out and in recovery and would be staying in overnight but mostly for observation not cause there were complications so yah!

Thursday, ah yes Thursday, still a tad stressed about the nephew, I was waiting to hear that he’d been discharged and how he handled the night – turns out he didn’t sleep well during the night, he had an upset tummy and sore throat, and for some reason the doc didn’t do rounds early enough or something so he didn’t get discharged, weird, but who knows what goes through doctor’s minds? *rolls eyes* I figured him staying overnight could only be good for his progress so hearing he wasn’t getting out for another night actually put me a bit at ease, lol, random huh?

But! That was not the end of the stress. I got a conference call from my boss in Toronto, due to budget cuts (stupid freakin economy and bad real estate market! arg!) my contract is not being renewed and guess who is out of a job as of May 27th?!?! Yup! Me! Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

Lemme tell ya, that call (which came through in the morning) did not set me up for a good rest of the day, I barely did any work the rest of the day cause ya know what, why the fuck should I? You’re gonna cut me cause you can’t manage to budget your department properly? Fine, I can’t stop that, but I can slow my work speed down sooooo much during my last two weeks that I get my own slight revenge. Let’s see how well your boss likes your productivity reports when I STOP working at peak efficiancy! RAWR!

phew, that rant felt good. teehee.

I only told my close friends at work about the deadline since I didn’t want to have to deal with the whole office knowing I was leaving in two weeks and me having to put a good face on for that length of time. I spent the rest of my work day writing up lists about why being laid off is a good thing, why I am ok with this, and how I will not panic because I am smart, capable, easily employable and will find a new job in no time at all…despite the economy and unemployment rates…

I really thought I was doing ok and handling the situation well, I went to a movie with KL that evening like planned and was all positive about it when telling her what happened…well…then things changed…

I gave her a ride home after the movie and after I dropped her off I stopped at a 7-11 and got 2 tocquitos, yum!, and a small slush – it actually wasn’t a splurge-eat-my-way-to-feeling-better-snack it was a I-didn’t-eat-dinner-and-was-so-hungry-I-was-about-to-be-sick-snack. lol. I believe tho that was the beginning of my downfall…I woke up friday when my alarm went off, didn’t feel like getting up and decided why should I get up? They obviously don’t care about me so why should I care about them? I called in sick.

Friday was spent sleeping, then eating a surprisingly healthy lunch, then dragon boating, then eating an uber unhealthy dinner…let’s see, I ate 3 ferrero rocher, 2 turkey wraps, a yogurt, 1/2 a box of Kraft Dinner, dessert breadsticks from Panago…oh, and a root beer. Yeah, calorie binge or what? or as KL would say “I ate my feelings”. huh, I just realized that read like all that was my dinner, that was what I ate all day. Can you imagine if I ate that all for dinner? I’d of burst! lol.

I made saturday a brilliant friggin day by stepping on the stupid scale, I gained over a pound – sorry, I don’t have my weight tracker beside me and for some reason (gee, I so wonder why? *rolls eyes*) I didn’t memorize the amount I gained. sigh. I know it was under 2lbs but over 1lb. Normally I’d wonder why my binge caused such a large weight gain when the rest of the week I was good points wise but stress will kill your weight loss – the more stress you feel the more your body not only doesn’t let you burn calories it holds onto them and actually makes you gain weight – pretty evil huh?

So now I am stressed about being unemployed as of the 27th of this month and I am stressed about gaining weight…vicious. sigh.

I managed to eat only my points saturday but went over today, the first 2 points I went over today were by accident, the second 2 points I went over by were because I neeeeeded chocolate and am still in enough of a funk I couldn’t bring myself to say no to, well, to myself. lol. I am hoping by tomorrow I will be farther out of my funk and better able to make smart choices about what I am eating…least I am starting to care about the choices I make so I figure that’s a start…

What’s Stopping Me?

15 Apr

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh! I sooooo wanna eat! Argh! It’s not that I am hungry, I am comfortably full, and it’s not like I didn’t get my little sweet at the end of the day, I used 2 flex points and had a snack I probably shouldn’t of had – it’s just that for some reason I want to eat, like, right now! Anything I can find! I want fooooooooood!

I swear, if tomorrow wasn’t weigh in day I’d raid the kitchen and make half hearted promises to myself that I’d make it up the rest of the week. This is so not good! Hell, I’m tempted to go to bed just so I can try to sleep through this cause honestly, I don’t know how well I am going to be able to resist this urge to eat. 😦 My willpower is only so strong…and this week, that sure as hell isn’t strong!

I got no exercise this week cause some of the evenings I had stuff to do after work so I got home too late to be able to use the hiking path, also, it’s been raining a lot so the trail is probably all mud right now, ugh. That’s the main problem I find with having my main form of exercise be an outdoors thing – if the weather sucks I can’t hike. 😦

The lack of exercise and having used a lot of flex points at the beginning of the week is making me way concerned for weigh in tomorrow. 😦 I really really really don’t want to gain (duh! who would?) And I swear my tummy is sticking out more then normal – what’s worse is my work pants seemed snugger yesterday – I am not sure if they really were or if I am imagining things and there is always the possibility if they are snugger it’s due to me accidentally shrinking them (hey, it’s possible!) and not cause I gained weight…sigh…I dunno, I think they were snugger, and my tummy looks like it’s sticking out more, and I ate badly this past week, what with Indian food and Old Spaghetti Factory and random flex points during the week – who knows what kind of damage I have done. And then today, with all I want to do is eat eat eat…

I wonder if it has anything to do with my new probiotics…I bought a new kind and maybe they are messing with my digestion and thereby making my tummy stick out? *curious face* I dunno…I am grasping at straws at this point, and I suppose this could all be in my head and things will be fine at weigh in tomorrow but we all know by now that the night before weigh in I stress and freak out a bit wondering if I screwed up so bad I gained instead of lost – it’s practically tradition! lol

Today I ate:

2 weetabix = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

Stir Fry

    – 1 cup rice = 4 points

    – mixed veggies = 0 points

    – teriyaki sauce = 0 points

    – uber small amount of tofu, chicken, shrimp = 2 points

Market Vegetable Blend soup = 4 points

12 mini bretons = 1 point

30 grams light cheese = 2 points

6 pickles = 1 point

1 dinner bun = 1 point

1 tsp margarine = 1 point

1 babybell = 1 point

1 pckg Quaker Crunch’ers = 2 points

Total points eaten = 22

sigh. I was only supposed to eat 20 points worth and would have hit that perfect if I didn’t have that final snack of the Quaker Crunch’ers but it was either eat that and use 2 points on something I knew (in my head, not my tummy) would be filling enough I wouldn’t need anything else or eat a 1 point tiny little chocolate and end up caving later cause I wanted something more – I opted for the 2 points cause it seemed the smarter decision for the long run.

The stir fry I had for lunch was from one of those places where you pick your veggies and meat/tofu from a buffet style layout and they stir fry it (using water) right in front of you then put it on top of rice. Yum! 🙂 Thing is, it’s based on weight so I always try to pick the lighter veggies, lol, doesn’t always work tho, shrug. I took a tiny piece of chicken, 2 small cubes of tofu and 2 little shrimps for a bit of protein – I don’t have any way to calculate the points for them except I know each was in such a small amount to not even equal 1 point each so I figure combined those three items equal 2 points at most. The food was tasty – I love places like that, where you can’t really screw up, whatever you eat is gonna be healthy – makes it easier. lol.

I am gonna go cross my fingers and toes that tomorrows weigh in goes well, I’ll let ya know! 🙂

From Sadness to Fear to Anger to Self Medication

14 Mar

Have you ever noticed how fear makes us do weird things? We all react to it differently and a situation that intellectually isn’t that big of a deal grows so huge in our heads we freak out.

There’s legit fear; like what those in Japan have been feeling for days – earthquake, tsunami and now failing power plants, they are probably wondering what is going to happen next, I know I am.

But there is another fear, fear on a personal level about all kinds of things. Fear of embarassment, fear caused by your pride, fear of illness, pain, poverty…

The type I felt today was fear of change.

Normally I spout on about the greatness that is change – change your hairstyle, wardrobe, food, always try something new when you have the chance, always choose the thing you haven’t done yet because change makes you grow…and growth is all kinds of good! 😀

Sometimes though something changes that throws you, something you never really thought about changing and therefore didn’t prepare for.

All my talk about loving change and today I was knocked back a step, reminded how replaceable I am, how in this large company I am no more important then a background person on a movie set – I am a breathing prop.

Nobody wants to be that; nobody wants to think their manager will just trade them to a different section of the company without any advance notice, a question about if you want to go…hell, a hint?!

Today I got pulled aside and told I am being switched to a different department, my work load is being redistributed to those I have to leave behind and the contents of my desk will be moved to a new section.

Now sure, it could be worse. At least I know on a friendly lunch room sociable level those I’ll be working with but I don’t even know what they do let alone what I will be doing.

A person I trained who recently got traded over to this same departmant will now be training me – ah, see how pride can rear it’s ugly head?

So, let’s recap my emotions of the day since my being told of my shift at work:

(1) shock, surprise (2) sadness at not getting to sit near my friend, at being booted out of the department I have been in for so long, at having to move where I sit (3) bit more shock when I fully realized how replaceable I am (4) fear about my new job, new area I will be sitting in, people I will be sitting with, what will be expected of me, fear of the unknown (5) anger at myself for being so weak and whiny I would be scared over a change as insignificant as this

So how does all this connect to my weight loss? Cause we all know I have to link everything back to that at some point…lol

Simple, my overly emotional day (mostly, well, ok, all negative emotions) put me on a roller coaster I am not good at riding. Some people self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs of some sort…I use food. *rolls eyes* So that is what I did today for dinner…I stopped at Panago Pizza on the way home and ordered a personal sized beef taco pizza with jalapeno ranch dipping sauce and I also got the dessert bread sticks…cause the pizza isn’t bad enough apparently.

Hey, sure, it’s not a good way to deal with what happened but it could’ve been worse! I could have followed through with my original plan to hit up a liquor store, so there! 😛 Least the calories I took in were food related and there were some food groups in there (I get my pizza loaded with lettuce and tomato) instead of just inhaling empty calories on beer…lemme at least pretend there is a silver lining here ok?

The day started off well, I read up on the amount of servings expected per day for all the food groups and was well on my way of hitting the 6-8 fruit veggie servings we are supposed to get per day but yeah, I so failed that plan. sigh. Ah well, that’s what tomorrow is for…stupid emotions…see if I let you kick my butt next time! Grr!

Off The Rails

7 Mar

What. The. Hell.

Food today was, well, I don’t even have words, I went soooo off the rails it’s ri-donk-u-lous!

Day started off nice n normal, I had some Quaker Instant Oatmeal for brekkie, yum. 🙂 There was a work-meeting-lunch-thingy (don’t I sound professional? lol) today that we all HAD to go to…I think they provide food at these things cause the upper management knows we will find excuses to not go if there wasn’t the bribe of free food. lol. 😛

So, way limited options for what to eat, I had: one piece of chicken breast (skinless, boneless), 2 spears of asparagus, salad, 4 potato wedges, 2 slices of tomato (that added together equals almost 1 entire tomato), 1 serving tomato and red pepper soup with 2 accompanying pieces of toasted buttered baquette. Now, sure, some of that I should have just not touched (like the bread) but overall it doesn’t sound so bad, right?

Well, I think I got screwed.

When I was done eating want to know what was left on my plate? Oil. Yup, that’s right, lots and lots of oil. Ick. It looked so gross it made me regret everything I ate cause sure, the food was good, but it wasn’t amazing and wasn’t sooooooo good it was worth tonnes of points (aka calories). Also, every item had oil or sauce or something on it! Like the asparagus, it wasn’t just plain, it was sitting in a serving platter that soaked it in some kind of sauce – I tried to get two pieces that were on the top of the pile so as to reduce the amount of sauce but the sauce was still there. Every item was like that. 😦 I think I have become too used to healthy home cooked food cause I just kept thinking “is that really necessary?” when looking at the dressings and sauces. Weird. I never used to think like that. If I had eaten this meal pre-weight watchers I wouldn’t have had second thoughts about all the hidden calories but even with trying to select healthy options I am sure I ended up eating way more points then I ever would have knowingly chosen. Oy!

Oh, wait, I had a cookie there too, sigh, and just to totally confess I ate two mini cupcakes – Not store bought though! I baked Red Velvet Cupcakes with Cream Cheese frosting last night to take to work and I totally caved and ate 2 today! Ack! I never eat my own baking so you know if I cave and eat some of it then it’s a damn good baked product, lol. 😉 They really are quite yummy but I can’t calculate the points exactly. The original recipe is 3 points per cupcake (that’s with NO frosting) but the original recipe also says it makes 20 mini cupcakes, so I used my mini cupcake trays and uh yeah, totally made more then 20, I’m not sure how many in total it would have made cause I ran out of mini cupcake papers and had to switch to the larger size and make some large sized cupcakes. shrug. How am I supposed to calculate the points when I made 2 different sizes? *confused face* Ah well, I’ve decided to not worry about it, I will bake them again and make sure that time they are all one size and figure the points out then. 🙂

So did I have a uber healthy dinner to make up for the un-countable lunch I ate? Nope. Not even close! lol

I had real oatmeal (not the instant kind) – and yeah, I know, stupid to eat oatmeal twice in one day but I really wanted it! So, I cut up half a banana and put it in the oatmeal (check in the good column) but then I made 2 pieces of toast and put light peanut butter on one piece then sliced the rest of the banana on top (check in the stupid column). The second piece of toast I put a small amount of margarine (check in the not great not stupid column). Oh yeah, the truly awesome part, I then ate a spoonful of light peanut butter, a small spoonful of cream cheese icing and two digestive cookies with cream cheese icing spread on top…really great huh? (lots of checks in the omg you are the dumbest homo sapien on the planet column)

So there we have it, somehome, I went way way way off the rails and couldn’t even bring myself to care when I was picking up the food and stuffing it in my face. *rolls eyes* I care now of course, when it is too late to not ingest the calories. sigh.

I want to say tomorrow is gonna be way better and breakfast and lunch probably will be but I am going out to a play after work and am not sure when/what I will be eating for dinner – I am hoping to get Subway – yummy, healthy, cheap and something I am able to calculate points for. Gotta love the good ‘ol standby of Subway. lol. 🙂

Oh!Oh!Oh! On a different note! My weight loss for last week was 0.4lbs – which kinda lame right? What makes it even lamer is I was 0.6lbs from reaching 30lbs lost so instead of reaching 30lbs lost I am now 0.2lbs away from the 30lbs lost. 0.2 Pounds!!!!! Sooooooooo close! sigh. I have to get there eventually, right?

Back to the Real World

4 Jan

Aaaahhhhh, my first day back at work since going on vacation mid-day December 22 2010 – can I go back to vacation please? lol. 😀

I didn’t go in to vacation thinking “I am going to eat whatever I want screw the points!” but that is how it started, shrug. I couldn’t even bring myself to regret the food I was eating – it was that gooooood! 😛 I went out for lunch on my birthday AND had a big bday dinner with the family – oh yum! I also hit up a Red Lobster, Joey’s and Cheesecake Cafe – not to mention Christmas dinner!

Well, there I was on an unplanned eating binge when I got sick, I thought it was just a cold with a nasty cough so for a while I kept up with my plans but by last thursday the cough was so bad and I had a bunch of other symptoms that were uber nasty and I spent two days in bed. ugh. What a suck fest! I mean, it’s bad enough being sick and I am grateful I didn’t miss work because of being sick but to miss out on vacation stuff because of sickness?! Not Cool! Naughty immune system! *tsk tsk*

Can I say though, if a person has to be sick they should definitely be sick while visiting the parents cause man, my mom treated me sooooo good! 😀 She made me tea and hot lemonade, brought me food, checked up on me to see how I was doing, got me a hot water bottle…all kinds of things! If I’d been here I would have eaten nothing and drank nothing and been oh so miserable, my mom is such a rock star. 😀

Eventually I got it together enough to go out and have some fun again, yah!, but since Thursday I have had almost no appetite…which ok sure, not good cause it’s only happening cause I am sick but yah! cause the weight I am sure I gained from all the food I ate at the beginning of the trip started to slip away, phew! lol.

Now, I don’t actually know what I weigh right now, if I gained or lost, cause I didn’t weigh myself at my parents (the scale there doesn’t match my scale so it freaks me out when I use it heh) but I am hoping I lost…or at least stayed the same! The whole getting sick thing may end up having a happy side effect. 😛 Won’t know for sure till saturday tho…why is saturday so far away? sigh.

Oh, and little sidenote, the cold is actually Bronchitis, nice huh? I went to a doctor this morning before I went to work and that is what he said, oops! Guess I should’ve listened to my mom when she said “go to the doctor” lol.

Where’s The Wagon??

28 Dec

You know that saying about “falling off the wagon”? Well, I have not only fallen off but that damn horse I am supposed to get right back on has hitched the wagon to itself and gallopped away, bastard. Oh, and it appears it loaded my willpower on to the wagon before bulleting out of here cause I haven’t seen that guy around here for days and days and days. I shake the fist at the lot of you! *shaking fist* grr.

Don’t you just love the holiday season? A time of stores being filled to bursting with all kinds of high calorie treats, a whopping big meal on the 25th, or the 24th…or possibly not at all depending on your religion, but for me, Whopping huuuuge meal on the 25th and of course the days surrounding that day are not exactly filled with meals or snacks that are healthy. Yummy? You bet! Healthy? Not a shot in hell! lol

Let’s do a brief recap to see just how badly I fell off that wagon called weight loss…the 23rd was my bday (Yah!) so there was a big dinner, I got to pick it so it was spaghetti and turkey meatballs, garlic bread and pecan pie (I didn’t feel like the traditional chocolate cake, shrug)…I don’t really remember what I ate during the day that day and that’s just another sign of how far off the deep end I have gone cause I have stopped writing down what I have been eating…tsk tsk to me. So, one slice of that pie was 8 points…*rolls eyes* that was the beginning of the end I think…

Dec 24th is generally finger food nibbly type stuff in our house and this year was as expected. There was egg salad mix on open faced dinner buns, sausage rolls, mincemeat tarts (which I didn’t eat, ick!), various cookies, chocolates etc. I had some of the egg mix on buns, some sausage rolls, some random nibblies I can’t remember, oh my, this not remembering is more scary then knowing…who knows what I did and have somehow blocked myself from remembering?!?!

Dec 25th traditionally starts off with a cinnamon bun, YUM! I had a measured out serving of Life cereal and milk (back to my old school ways, lol.) and an orange…however, I caved and had a cinnamon bun too…I think it would have been better to just eat the cinnamon bun but at least I got some nutrients and food groups from the cereal milk and orange, right? I nibbled on raw veggies during the day so that’s not so bad but dinner…oh man, dinner, Amazing! I love my mom’s christmas dinner, her and my brother do all the work and it turns out frickin perfect every time! So there was turkey (duh!), stuffing, mashed yams, roast potatoes, carrot and parsnip, vienna sausage, fried mushrooms and of course lots of gravy and cranberry sauce…tastebud heaven! 😀 I didn’t even try to pretend I was taking a proper portion of any of that, I just took and ate! My sister kept getting on my case about how many points I am eating but I am trying to ignore her, that’s her sense of humour and altho it’s not funny to anyone but her it’s just the way she is, shrug. One day out of the year I can try to over look it, right? Right…well, maybe…lol. Dessert was Sherry Trifle, omg, so so so so goooooood! My mom makes that (I made the custard this year, so I can officially say I helped with christmas dinner, lol) and the trifle turned out perfect! I had two servings of that…I know I should be hanging my head in shame but I just can’t, it was so good and it only happens once a year…

Normally I have seconds with christmas dinner but my poor tummy is not used to eating large portions or such a mixture of foods anymore so it rebelled at even the thought of it, lol.

Hmm, you’d think after that things wouldn’t be so bad, that they’d go back to normal…well, nope. 😛

Dec 26th I drove my bro to the airport so I ate brekkie late, I had oatmeal and toast, that part was normal at least lol. Then I was out at a movie that a friend let me pick and she paid to make up for not buying me a bday present, nice huh? Well she also decided she was gonna buy me goodies to eat at the movie and I wasn’t allowed to say no so I ended up with popcorn and a root beer, not even diet cause they don’t carry that, evil! I ate way more of the popcorn then I intended but it was so yummy and I found I just kept mindlessly eating, oops, and well, root beer hello? Already established that is a weakness of mine! lol. That evening I baked banana bread and had a Guiness…now the banana bread is not for me so not eaten by me, yah! but that was 3 points worth of beer 😛

Dec 27th I had my leftover christmas dinner, leftovers are better somehow then the original meal, weird huh? So, the full meal all over again except the turkey was on a piece of toast so I could have a hot turkey sandwich…I look forward to that all year! That kept me full for a really long time. That is also the day I started getting a cough and generally not feeling well. I went for a late dinner with MJ at the Cheesecake Cafe, I ordered the BBQ beef burger, it comes with back bacon on it but I took it off (just wasn’t feelin it, ya know?) and I cut it in half cause I still wasn’t all that hungry. Well, for someone not all that hungry I managed to eat half the burger and a lot of yam fries – the yam fries and dipping sauce there are truly excellent. 🙂 The waitress was way delayed getting us our food so they comped us a dessert and even though neither of us really wanted dessert we figured we can’t pass it up if it’s free, right? So we split the Terry’s Chocolate Orange cheesecake. It was alright, I am glad we didn’t pay for it cause it tasted like plain chocolate, none of the orange flavour that is the point of the Terry’s Chocolate Orange. It was funny, we were all “we’ll take a couple bites then get it boxed up” and while talking we managed to eat all but two bites! lol. We left that remaining two bites cause it made us feel better not actually finishing it, lol.

That brings us to today, I am sicker, I actually took Benelyn last night cause I felt that crappy, eek! I hung out with my nephew today so we saw a movie, played mini golf, bought him some sweeeeet skater runners (he’s ten and I just had to do it!), he wanted some Mexi Fries from Taco Time so I got him those and he insisted I eat at least one so I did, shrug, he’s only ten! He doesn’t understand diets! Then when I got back to my parents place I had some homemade turkey soup. I wasn’t really hungry, and still am not, but I ate it cause I know I should be hungry and all I’d had up to that point was some toast and one mexi fry, shrug, I figured give my body some nutrients, right? I have dinner plans for this evening so who knows how that will go…and plans that involve a restaurant tomorrow…this is gonna kill me!

I am really starting to worry about how much weight I have put on…I don’t want to get back home and find I have gained back anymore then 2lbs, cause that’ll suck and really bring me down, but I dunno, every morning I swear I am gonna eat healthy and get back on track and something goes wrong…I really wish that horse would at least bring me back my will power…

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