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From Sadness to Fear to Anger to Self Medication

14 Mar

Have you ever noticed how fear makes us do weird things? We all react to it differently and a situation that intellectually isn’t that big of a deal grows so huge in our heads we freak out.

There’s legit fear; like what those in Japan have been feeling for days – earthquake, tsunami and now failing power plants, they are probably wondering what is going to happen next, I know I am.

But there is another fear, fear on a personal level about all kinds of things. Fear of embarassment, fear caused by your pride, fear of illness, pain, poverty…

The type I felt today was fear of change.

Normally I spout on about the greatness that is change – change your hairstyle, wardrobe, food, always try something new when you have the chance, always choose the thing you haven’t done yet because change makes you grow…and growth is all kinds of good! 😀

Sometimes though something changes that throws you, something you never really thought about changing and therefore didn’t prepare for.

All my talk about loving change and today I was knocked back a step, reminded how replaceable I am, how in this large company I am no more important then a background person on a movie set – I am a breathing prop.

Nobody wants to be that; nobody wants to think their manager will just trade them to a different section of the company without any advance notice, a question about if you want to go…hell, a hint?!

Today I got pulled aside and told I am being switched to a different department, my work load is being redistributed to those I have to leave behind and the contents of my desk will be moved to a new section.

Now sure, it could be worse. At least I know on a friendly lunch room sociable level those I’ll be working with but I don’t even know what they do let alone what I will be doing.

A person I trained who recently got traded over to this same departmant will now be training me – ah, see how pride can rear it’s ugly head?

So, let’s recap my emotions of the day since my being told of my shift at work:

(1) shock, surprise (2) sadness at not getting to sit near my friend, at being booted out of the department I have been in for so long, at having to move where I sit (3) bit more shock when I fully realized how replaceable I am (4) fear about my new job, new area I will be sitting in, people I will be sitting with, what will be expected of me, fear of the unknown (5) anger at myself for being so weak and whiny I would be scared over a change as insignificant as this

So how does all this connect to my weight loss? Cause we all know I have to link everything back to that at some point…lol

Simple, my overly emotional day (mostly, well, ok, all negative emotions) put me on a roller coaster I am not good at riding. Some people self medicate with alcohol, cigarettes, drugs of some sort…I use food. *rolls eyes* So that is what I did today for dinner…I stopped at Panago Pizza on the way home and ordered a personal sized beef taco pizza with jalapeno ranch dipping sauce and I also got the dessert bread sticks…cause the pizza isn’t bad enough apparently.

Hey, sure, it’s not a good way to deal with what happened but it could’ve been worse! I could have followed through with my original plan to hit up a liquor store, so there! 😛 Least the calories I took in were food related and there were some food groups in there (I get my pizza loaded with lettuce and tomato) instead of just inhaling empty calories on beer…lemme at least pretend there is a silver lining here ok?

The day started off well, I read up on the amount of servings expected per day for all the food groups and was well on my way of hitting the 6-8 fruit veggie servings we are supposed to get per day but yeah, I so failed that plan. sigh. Ah well, that’s what tomorrow is for…stupid emotions…see if I let you kick my butt next time! Grr!

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