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Insanity: Day 3

17 Jul

I swear, at the rate I am going, the whole 60 days of this challenge are going to be about how I messed up and what I changed to suit my likes lol. 😛

I slept like the dead last night, didn’t get to bed till super late and completely ignored my alarm this morning so I ended up with a whopping 10 hours of sleep, crazeeeee! I’m figuring my body needed it from a combo of sleep deprivation over the past 4 days, lots of activity but not lots of food yesterday and just general laziness lol.

Because of the sleeping in I slept through my first two meals of the day, oops! I wasn’t sure which was the best option, start with Meal 1  even though it was past noon or skip ahead to Meal 3…I opted to skip to Meal 3 but increase the calories of that meal to jump start my eating today, also I planned to speed up the timeline for when I had my first snack. I figured if I upped the calories a bit of each meal I might be able to slightly make up for my missing the first 2 meals.

I think I was wrong though…*rolls eyes*

So, my first meal of the day which was technically Meal 3 was:

1 cup of red lentil and veggie soup

2 slices whole wheat bread

4oz deli turkey meat

sliced tomato

minuscule amounts of mustard and light mayo

Here’s what my meal should have been!

1 Cup black bean soup

1 slice whole grain bread

4 oz turkey meat

1/4 of an avocado sliced on top of open faced sandwich

Why the changes you ask? Well! I couldn’t for the life of me find a can of black bean soup when I was shopping, I searched quite a lot so don’t think I skimped on this! I could have made black bean stew from scratch (and according to the meal book that is allowed) but that is waaaaaay too much work so I opted for buying soup but not the type specified. I chose red lentil and veggie soup because lentils are a bean…and uh, that’s about the extent of my reasoning lol I changed the sandwich from an open faced one slice of bread sandwich to a two slices of bread sandwich because 4oz of deli meat turned out to be a ridiculous amount of meat for one slice of bread. Oh, and I didn’t get to have the avocado because sadly my avocado was nowhere near ready to be used, hard as a rock! I put some sliced tomato on top instead, mostly because the sandwich would have been really dry without something replacing the avocado, shrug. It was just a tiny amount of tomato so I don’t think that is too big a deal.

It was a tasty meal, and while not exactly what the book says it should have been I think what I ate was still pretty close to what they say to eat…sorta…well, in my head it is lol 😛

I went out afterwards and was out for hours. I toyed with the idea of taking some sort of a snack but nothing in my meal plan makes a good portable snack, especially since most everything needs to be refrigerated and oddly enough I don’t have a mini fridge in my vehicle, do you? 😉

By the time I got home I was quite hungry, and had been for a while. Seems by only day 3 of this challenge I am already wanting to eat more, weird huh?

I decided to eat before exercising mostly because I was cranky from being hungry and wasn’t willing to wait any longer for food lol. So my second meal of the day (which was supposed to be Meal 4, or possibly even Meal 5 considering the time) was Tuna Salad in a Tomato, it involved:

4oz water packed tuna

1/4 cup celery, chopped

1/4 cup red onion, chopped

1 tbsp light mayo

1 tsp mustard

1 large tomato, hollowed out

1 whole grain english muffin

This was slightly altered from what is in the book, the book wanted Dijon mustard and I used normal mustard, and I was supposed to eat an apple with the meal but forgot.

I’m not sure why but the tuna mix was stuffed in to the hollowed out tomato, I don’t understand why I sacrificed the innards of a perfectly good tomato just to stuff the tuna mix inside…I found it mildly awkward to eat and an odd thing to do lol I’d like to know what kind of crazy tomato the people who made the recipe used because nowhere near all of the tuna mix fit inside of the tomato! lol Oh, and I had slightly less than the 4oz of tuna required because I am not allowed to open a can of tuna without sharing some of it with the cat, I’m pretty sure I’d be killed in my sleep if I attempted to keep all the tuna for myself! lol I feel safeguarding my life was well worth the cost of some of the tuna. 🙂

Today’s exercise dvd was Cardio Power and Resistance. So, cardio with some exercises in there to strengthen muscles. There was jumping but not as much as yesterday which is nice because it meant I didn’t hit the ceiling as much lol. I also learned a new way to work my triceps. Go in to downward dog, then bring your feet in and scrunch down so you are in a bit of a ball, have your weight on the balls of your feet and your hands (your hands are placed on the floor in front of you), while in that position do push ups. I found a youtube video of a girl showing how to do this exercise so you can watch instead of try to visualize what I just wrote lol

There were some exercises that I can’t do. I do girl push ups, hey, don’t judge! I’m a girl and my upper body is not as strong as I would like…yet! Anyways, there are these push-ups where you do 1 push-up, then in plank position move to the right, do a push-up, stay in plank position and move to the right, do a push-up, then repeat but move to the left. It’s moving left and right in plank position and each time you stop you do the push-up. Uhhhh, yeah, so not happening! lol Instead, I did girl push-ups the entire set, I figured better to do push-ups that are actually me going all the way to the floor and back up then me doing some half ass push up that doesn’t actually do anything for me, make sense? Well, it makes sense to me. 😛

The workout was really good. Any workout that is hard enough that at some point I am actually yelling a bit because of how hard I am working to push myself through is awesome in my opinion. Means I am really working! 🙂

After my workout session I had a protein shake. A tragedy happened while making the shake though, my blender died. I mean dead dead dead! It was making this scary noise and starting smelling like burning electrical ickyness so I stopped it, waited a bit, then retried lol Hey, I really needed that shake to be blended! In the end I had to use a spatula and mix it all up which was fine to a point, didn’t help with the big pieces of frozen fruit though. 😛 It was the lumpiest shake I have ever had, buuuuut it still tasted good. 🙂 I will have to buy a blender tomorrow, sigh. Mines be slowly dying for a while now but I kept putting off replacing it, looks like I don’t have a choice anymore, I can’t go a day without a blender, I use it that often!

I’d like to count day 3 of Insanity as a success buuuuuut if I am being realistic I had yet another day with not enough calories…least I only exercised once today! So not as bad as yesterday, right? 😉

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Does It Never End?

15 May

I youtube a lot of exercise videos to get ideas for what to do at the gym, to make sure I have the right form for exercises I already do or used to do but haven’t in a while, for all kinds of reasons…youtube is a valuable resource in the journey to lose weight and get healthier. 🙂

Usually the exercises are being performed by someone in ridiculously good shape and watching them can give a person a slightly unrealistic idea of how well they will perform the exercise and also of what they will look like after performing those exercises for a while. Over time I have managed to get over the unrealistic expectations of how well I will perform the exercise when I first start but that doesn’t stop me from thinking if I work hard enough for long enough then maybe one day I will look like the person in the video, or my version of that person.

Well, something that was said in this video made me shake my head a bit and now I am wondering, when is enough enough? When will it be over? When will a person get a body that they can actually maintain instead of constantly trying to improve? When does the critiquing (either personal or from others) stop? Does the pressure to get the perfect body never end?

The convo I am referring to is during the time stamp 1:40 – 1:50. The trainer is talking about the woman who is working out, who from what I can see, is in excellent shape, if I could get in to shape like that I’d be so enamored with how I looked I’d spend all my time in front of a mirror! lol I mean come on, go look at the video, how does she have a flaw?

But the trainer is saying things like “we are trying to attack head on her problem areas” and mentioning her “saddlebags”. O.M.G. Seriously? Seriously??

To give him credit he does also say how she has a “great physique” but to me, that is over shadowed by the other comments. God only knows what he would say if I sauntered in and asked him to train me. He’d probably take one look at my untoned flabby body and run screaming *rolls eyes*

People are constantly judging one another based on looks, it’s just how we roll.  Thing is, I kinda thought if I managed to lose my excess weight, and tone my body, and basically, achieve the body I am  striving for, then it wouldn’t matter what people think or say about me because if they did think or say anything it would be good thoughts and comments, right? But here is this lady, who is in amazing shape, and she still has people saying un-positive things about how she looks. So I’m back to wondering if the negative comments will never end?

 

 

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Day 8 of 30

8 May

You may or may not have noticed I have  a page (just up top there) called 30 Day Challenges, on that page I keep track on a daily basis of my progress on the two 30 Day Challenges I am doing. I figure once a week or so I’ll do a little recap here to give my overall impressions of these challenges…and to let you know I haven’t quit or died. 😉

Today is Day 8, and for both challenges it is a rest day. The first rest day came at Day 4 and I felt that was too early but decided to follow the rules and not do the squats or abs that day. This time around, I am happy for the rest day, Go Rest Day Go!

Each day I convince myself that of course I can do the number of squats, sit-ups, crunches, leg lifts and planks that are required because it’s just a little bit more then what I did the day before and I managed those right? So far, that mentality is getting me through this, that and I hate failing at anything so at this point I won’t quit unless I sustain serious injury, or get way sick…hmm…is that a cough coming on? Dammit it isn’t! sigh.

Doing these challenges with a friend has made all the difference. It’s nice to go through something insane with a buddy. We text daily when we’ve completed our exercises for the day and help psych each other up for what is coming. He had to quit the Squat Challenge cause he hurt his knee at work so I’m doing them for the both of us – don’t mistake this as I am doing double, just that I am now even more resolved to not quit. (insert warrior chant here)

Even though the amount of exercise is increasing to a level that is hard I think this challenge is a good thing. I never would have thought I could do 80 squats in a day, let alone in one session! And yet, yesterday I did. I am pushing myself past self-imposed boundaries that I hadn’t even realized I put up, crazy awesome! Part of me thinks there is no way I will be able to accomplish Day 30 of either challenge, that day will be 125 sit-ups, 200 crunches, 65 leg raises, 120 second plank and 250 squats, oh and all of that is on a day I have dragon boat practice as well. When I think of that now my automatic thought is nope, not possible, I won’t be able to do it buuuuuut a little tiny part of me thinks that maybe by then I will be able to do that, and how great would that be? So for now, I am looking no farther ahead then the day I am on, tomorrow I will deal with how much I have to do that day, for today? I am just enjoying it was a rest day.

betcha the lion doesn't stress about it's abs!

betcha the lion doesn’t stress about it’s abs!

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Different Mirror Different View

20 Apr
what does she really see?

what does she really see?

Sometimes I really hate mirrors, specific mirrors, meeeean mirrors! lol I don’t look the same in all mirrors and I am never sure if it is my perception of myself that is different or the actual reflection in the mirror…I’m leaning towards the actual reflection with a hint of bias on my side coming in to play, but just a hint! 😉

A good example of this is a mirror at work, I pass by this mirror multiple times a shift and I never, and I really mean Never look good in this mirror. I think this mirror hates me! *pout* I always look shorter and fatter in this mirror then I think I should. And yes, sigh, I am aware that this mirror could be showing me the truth and how I think I look is twisted and wrong but I’m pretty sure I generally think of myself as looking worse then how I actually look so why would things be the opposite with this one mirror? I have a similar style of mirror at home and I generally look well, not good cause I don’t think I can be classified that high on the looks category yet, but semi decent in it…depending on the outfit and time of day that is! lol Don’t look at me funny, you know you look thinner before you’ve had breakfast and taller in the morning then in the evening. I always look better in my mirror when I am getting ready to go out then when I have just come home lol 😛

Since my mirror at home and this mirror at work are so similar I’m not sure if I am delusional about thinking I look ok in my mirror or if the mirror at work is defective in some way…like those mirrors at fair grounds that are warped, maybe this mirror is slightly warped? Is that possible?…hmm…I’m gonna lean towards the answer being yes 😉

There was a whole entire wall of mirrors a couple weeks back that practically gave me a panic attack about the size of my ass, lol, it’s kind of funny now but at the time I could hardly stop looking at my reflection in horror and wondering what the hell happened to give me such a booty! Seriously, those mirrors, I had some definite booty action happenin, and while it (thankfully!) looked perky and well rounded I couldn’t believe it was so, well, large! Not like it is easy to see your own ass so I kept wondering if that is what it really looks like and if so why hadn’t anybody ever told me?? My friend who was also there, when I pointed out the reflection in the mirror, seemed shocked at how big it looked and said that those mirrors mess with everyone so not to worry about it, they don’t tell the truth. I am trying really hard to take her word on that since she spends a lot of time in that room but I still can’t get that image out of my head. *rolls eyes*

Isn’t it amazing how many different reflective surfaces there are that we encounter in a day, and how differently they show us what we look like? I expect mirrors to be the most honest reflection of myself, after all, it is a mirror, but you can get great shots of yourself in glass walls, shadows, fronts of ovens/microwaves, bus stop shelters, phone screens…all over really. So, with so many options to choose from, and with most of those options giving different results, which do we trust? Any of them? Some of them? The ones we like the results of best? The ones we hate the results of most? I dunno. shrug. Guess we just have to look at the reflection shown and use some kind of hopefully not too biased judging skills to decide if what we see is right or not…piece of cake! Said no one ever! 😉

What I need to work on is not letting that evil mirror at work ruin my mojo for the day once I have seen myself in it. I’ll go to work in a cute dress, thinking I look ok, I’ll get compliments on the dress by enough people I figure it must look good, then I pass that stupid mirror and poof! all of a sudden I am shorter and rounder and wondering why all those people are lying to me about how I look in the dress. And yes, I am aware of how lame that is thanks. 😛 But we are taught to believe what we see right? So, how can I not believe what I see in that mirror? Well, I haven’t figured out how to not believe that mirror but you can bet your last nickel I will figure it out! And if I ever figure out the secret on how to not believe the reflection of a mean mirror I’ll pass it on to you cause maybe I am not the only one being fooled by these things…?

 

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Thwarted!

13 Sep

I have been trying to do this stupid hike for over a week now and it keeps not happening, eesh! You wouldn’t think it’d be that hard, not like the mountain is going anywhere, but life keeps getting in the way and I keep putting it off. I really want to hike it before the weather turns but each time I have to put it off for another day I worry I have missed my last shot, erg.

No, the hike I want to do is not a second attempt at the Grouse Grind, stupid freakin grind, ugh, it is the path near-ish the grind, it starts at the base of the same mountain, and ends up at the top somewhere near where the grind ends but it is a longer trail and apparently winds back on itself quite a bit making the path less steep and theoretically a tad easier to do. It’s supposed to take anywhere from 20 minutes to a half hour longer then whatever time you take on the grind, which is depressing when you consider my time lol but since it’s a longer trail you (well, I) could just pretend the longer time is strictly cause of the trail length and has nothing to do with my physical capabilities…or lack there of… 😉

I wanted to go on the hike last Sunday, took a change of clothes to work an everything so as soon as I was off I could skedaddle on over to the mountain but it was raining and I had to decide if I should hike the mountain and maybe get a bit wet or put it off, I decided I’d hike and started to drive there but while driving the rain got heavier and heavier and eventually I turned around. I may be mildly self destructive and like doing slightly dangerous things but even I know not to hike a mountain on a path that is not busy, that I’ve never been on, as it is getting darker and it is raining, when I don’t have rain gear with me or a hiking buddy. Calculated risks people! 😛 I went to the gym instead and of course when I left the gym it was sunny and dry outside so I’m thinking the rain didn’t last all that long and I might have been ok after all…ah well, next time.

I was going to go Tuesday, for the life of me I can’t remember what I did instead but something came up, no biggy cause I had Thursday that I could go so that was my plan for Thursday (today), hike that freakin trail, that was it, the one main thing on my list of stuff to do, not so bad right? Well, ha! I was up early and contemplating food (figured I’d eat before this hike, unlike last time…) when I got a phone call for an interview (aka, measurement taking/fitting) to be a fit model for a clothing store.  We made an appointment for noon which kaboshed my hike happening in the morning cause that gave me just enough time to get ready and find the place. After the fitting I figured ok, now I can eat (finally! it was about 1pm or so) and then go for the hike. Got to the apartment, was again contemplating food when I got a text from my agent that I had an audition at 7:50p that night. Well yah! After my lil happy dance I realized that (1) hike is not happening and (2) neither is my lunch…sigh.

I decided against the hike cause everyone knows not to do anything outside of your normal routine leading up to an audition, can’t take the risk of getting hurt cause you don’t know what you are doing…that and I worried what if I took a ridonkulous amount of time on the trail and made myself late for the audition? Not happening! So I took a nap instead, hey, don’t judge, I was tired 😛 and then I did some ab work etc and stuff around the apartment.

So there we have it, life and weather have thwarted my attempts to hike that trail! I’m still hopeful for next week, if the weather stays nice that is…

Oh, in case anyone is wondering, a fit model is exactly what it sounds like, it’s the model the designers use when making new clothes to make sure the outfit hangs the way it should on an actual person. I don’t know if I got the job though…on the one hand I am the perfect size for them in pants and shirts and they were really happy with that but apparently my spine is an inch too short (that’s one I haven’t heard before!) so it makes the jackets sit a little funny at the back…they are going to see a couple more people to check their measurements and have them do some fittings and they’ll let me know. It’s a very very part time thing, about 4 hours per day max 2 days per week, just enough to get me a little extra cash really.

As for the audition, it was for a commercial, I went in for one role and the casting director kinda merged the one I went in for and another one and had me audition for some weird hybrid lol. My agent thinks it’s a good thing, a sign they will consider me for both roles not just the one, I’m happy to think that way too. 🙂 The audition seemed to go ok, casting director was in a good mood despite it being late and me being the last person she was seeing. She liked my headshot, we joked around a bit, all good signs. Thing is, even if she thinks I’m awesome if I don’t have the right look I won’t get the part…ya know, if I don’t get the part, and I don’t get the fit model job that means twice in one day I will have been rejected for not looking right and/or being the wrong size…something I am going to desperately try not to dwell on…

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It Will Hurt

14 May

I am thinking of turning this in to a poster to stick on my wall so I see it everyday and remind myself everyday of what is required of me to attain my goals.

Some days you don’t want the hurt, you don’t want to make the healthy decisions, you don’t want to take the time or sacrifice anything. Those are the days you need to push harder, reach farther, go faster, be stronger. Those are the days that test you, that test your limits, your commitment, your drive, your passion, your true wanting of your goal.

Anybody can say they want to lose weight, they want to get fit, they want to be thin, or strong, or pretty, or flexible…but the difference between those people who say they want it and those who truly want it is what you do on that day you feel your willpower is non-existent, when you are tired, sore, hungry, bored, wanting to go out and have more of a social life then you have been having.

What do you do? Do you still exercise? Do you still eat healthy? Or do you say you’ll get back on track tomorrow, do you give yourself permission to cheat? Slack on going to the gym? Talk yourself out of the actions needed to reach your goal and instead indulge in self-sabotaging habits that will actually knock you back a step?

You are already in pain, you have already hurt, you have already pushed yourself, you have already turned down extra treats, you have already made sacrifices…don’t take away from all that you have already done by doing something that will stop or even worse reverse some of the good you have accomplished.

Be strong! Find something to inspire you, something to remind you of all you have done and all you have left to do. Be the person you want to look up to, make yourself proud.

…geez, I sound like one of those self help gurus…the power of reading that poster I tell ya! lol 😛

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