Tag Archives: ten pounds

Admitting The Truth

6 Jun

I didn’t think I was that person who lost weight, then gained it back. After all, I’m nowhere near the size I was at the beginning of my weight loss journey buuuut…I’m also not the smallest I have been on this journey.

I haven’t wanted to admit this to myself, let alone to anyone else, but it is time I faced the truth…I rebounded a bit. Does this mean I am now a yo-yo dieter? I dunno. Does it mean I am doomed to gain back all the weight I lost? I dunno. Does this mean I am destined to gain and lose and gain and lose for the rest of my life? I don’t know that either…sigh.

Seems there is a lot I don’t know.

I know that I have to get back on track, but I feel lost and not sure how to do that. I keep thinking I am not going to go back to Weight Watchers because I plateaued so badly on that program. Don’t get me wrong, I am super grateful for Weight Watchers, I lost 35 pounds with them, I learned about proper portion sizes with them, I learned I can happily swap out junk food for fresh fruit and enjoy healthy eating but I also feel there are limitations to that program and that I outgrew it. I don’t feel like going back to Weight Watchers is the right choice for me but that doesn’t mean that I know what the right choice for me is.

I also know I am not good at extreme programs. I can only maintain eating paleo, or the bodybeach program, or super restrictive low calorie eating plans for so long before I cave. Even if I like the food and am getting good portion sizes it is more about all the foods I am not allowed to eat. Knowing that on an extreme program having even one spoonful of peanut butter could be considered cheating messes with me. I need a bit of wiggle room, space so I don’t get all down on myself when I step outside of the food rules that I am following.

I need something realistic, and affordable!

My scale has been tucked away for over a year and I am scared to pull it back out, I am scared to see what the number will be when I step on it. I’d rather be back in boxing class getting hit during sparring than stand on that scale again. How pathetic is that?? I originally put it away because I was building muscle and the scale number was no longer an accurate way to measure my progress. It was sloooowly going up as I was getting more trim and it was messing with my head. For so long I relied solely on the number it gave me every week to know if I was doing well and to see it go up, even though I knew it was because of muscle gain, made me feel like a failure. I started gauging my success/failure by other means, how my clothes fit, what size I could now buy, every now and then I would check my size with a measuring tape. For a while these methods of tracking worked but then they didn’t work so well anymore and I was left with no solid way to hold myself accountable.

I’m thinking that is around the time I started to slowly go up in size. For a while it was easy to ignore, my clothes still fit, just maybe a bit tighter, I could still reach the same levels at the gym, even though I wasn’t at the gym as often, I was eating roughly the same amount calorie wise but the calories were coming from more processed foods than fresh healthy foods.  The pounds snuck up on me and now I have to face reality that I have gone up an entire size, so that’s what, ten pounds? That’s depressing. All that work I did to lose weight and I have gone and gained some of it back. What was I thinking?! 

What’s twisted is that even with the weight gain I am more active then before, just in different ways. Instead of going to the gym daily I will swap out gym visits for a hike, or a run or my dragon boat practice. I am still active just not in a regimented gym equipment kind of way, and I guess the activities I am doing now aren’t as good for weight loss or weight maintenance as following a gym program is. Kinda sucks cause I enjoy the hikes an such but if I have to choose between enjoying the activity and getting results from the activity I will choose results every time…well, except for dragon boating, I will always choose dragon boating lol.

I don’t want to be writing this, I don’t want to be that person that gained weight back. But ya know, I follow a lot of other blogs that deal with weight loss, healthy lifestyles etc and I’ve noticed over the years I don’t seem to be the only one this happens to. It seems a lot of people, before they reach their goal weight have a slip up and gain some of the weight back. Most take a while to admit it to themselves and the longer you take to admit it the more weight you have gained back. I know with me part of it was the way I was thinking about food, I started getting cocky, thinking I didn’t have to be as strict cause I’d lost so much, I could let down my guard a bit. Well, proved that idea wrong! I let down my guard and look what happened! 😛

Even though I’m feeling down because I am facing the truth about my weight gain I am glad I am facing this truth now rather than a couple more months down the road when I will have possibly gained back even more weight.

I don’t have a solution for this, I wish I was concluding this post with some great awesome plan that would get me back on track but I don’t have one…yet! For now I am going to aim to get a new battery for my scale (mine died) and I plan to stand on that scale Tuesday morning. I also have a 4 week eating plan that I am going to research a bit more, see if it is doable on my budget, and I am going to schedule exercise into my days instead of leaving it as an up-in-the-air thing that happens more sporadically then it should. Hopefully I can get myself back on track within 5 days or so and huh, look at that, I may not have a solution yet but it seems like I actually do have a bit of a plan, at least a plan in the making…I’ll cross my fingers it works!…Uh, anybody wanna step on that scale for me? 😉 lol

Must remember this

Must remember this

A Perfect 10!

19 Sep

I was scared to step on the scale today – so scared I put it off by an hour. I finally decided to just suck it up, step on the stupid thing and get that part of my day over and done with. All I hoped for was to be the same as last week cause as much as that would suck at least I wouldn’t have gained anymore…I just don’t think I could have dealt with gaining again. Lo and behold the number went down! wOOt! 😀

When I did the math it turns out I have lost exactly ten pounds! Yah! I finally got to the ten pounds lost mark! It only took me how frickin long? Well, ok, that isn’t the point and I will try not to dwell, lol.

Now I have a new fear, what if I screw this up and next week I gain again…there is no margin here, no safety net, I am at exactly ten pounds lost so all it takes is one screw up to lose that accomplishment and be back to having lost under ten pounds and that would suck the big one!

Because it’s the weekend and I slept in I got to eat higher pointed foods cause I had to use my points up in less time then normal, I always love and hate that. lol. It means I get to eat something I normally wouldn’t be able to – like pizza – but it also means that I snack on junk and struggle to eat balanced food groups. Stupid food groups. I think chocolate and ice cream should be food groups! 😛

My other fear is about how many points to eat. This past week I used some flex points and ate I think almost all of my exercise points – that is a lot of food and I struggled with it. I struggled with eating over my points because I was so used to thinking I was only allowed 22 points – the extra food was hard to deal with. Also, now that I know I am eating some flex points I found it harder to resist tempting foods, sounds wacky huh? When I was strict and only ate my 22 points of food everyday I (for the most part) didn’t have too hard a time resisting the bad for me stuff that popped up. If someone brought cupcakes in to work I would look then walk away, no biggy, but now I look and wonder…that wondering is gonna be a problem. Too may foods have opened up to me as potentials and really, all they will turn out to be is potential screw ups, potential pounds on my ass, potential eating binges…nothing good in that kind of potential and now I am surrounded by it. sigh.

I guess I have to learn how to be flexibly strict, lol, I don’t think that is even a real term…but it is now cause I have used it!

Today I ate:

1 piece of Delissio pizza = 5 points

1 banana = 2 points

2 Hershey’s Oh Henry cookies = 3 points

1 bag Fiesta Salad = 6.5 points

2 pieces of bread = 2 points

1 tbls Nutella = 2 points

1 apple = 1 point

1 thinsations Oreo cakesters = 2 points

Puts me at a total of 22.5 points used today. I am still a bit hungry but not gonna eat anything cause it’s late and the only food I can find is higher in points then what I am willing to eat. See? That’s another problem…now that I eat some of my flex points I am all “who cares I am at my points for the day, I feel peckish, eat something”…it’s like an evil voice in my head taunting me with the one thing I really want more of (food) but can’t have.  Grr to the evil voice!

For now though that evil voice can go drown if a vat of McDonald’s cooking oil cause I lost ten whole pounds and the voice can’t take that away from me!

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