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Food Paranoia

14 Sep

So I thought I was over (well, kinda over) my having gained on the weekend until a convo at work where I got to hear about someone else and how they have lost 15 pounds in less time then I have been on weight watchers and blah blah blah. Lemme tell ya the Grrrs were sooo back! Then KB pointed out that the chicky that said she lost all that weight seems to be lying cause she always tell a different story. Phew. That made me feel way better. Well that and her clothes still fit all the same and mine are falling off. teehee 🙂

Isn’t it funny how people decide to lose weight and they immediately start lying about it? People are so weird. There are so many different lies! Some of my fave are: (1) I am never hungry, (2) I never cheat, (3) I love the new foods I am eating, (4) it’s so easy, I should have done this sooner! and (5) I have lost X amount of weight – but the amount lost is always rounded up…why round up? I always say how much I have lost to the first decimal point. I am proud of having lost some weight and I don’t feel the need to round up the amount I have lost…shrug…do you? I mean, if I said a couple weeks ago I had lost ten pounds cause I was almost at the ten pound mark then when I really (if  I ever! sigh) lose ten pounds I won’t be able to celebrate with people cause they will think I already hit that milestone…does that make sense? Maybe that’s just me…

Today I worked really hard on eating more then my daily points; I can’t believe I just wrote that! I have spent all this time learning to eat my 22 points a day – I didn’t want to eat over 22! I have been proud of myself for being able to teach myself to eat my daily points limit but today I threw that out the window and ate my exercise points…it’s causing me some stress. I don’t believe this whole ‘eat your exercise points and you’ll lose weight’  mantra- I know the math makes sense (to others) but my thinking towards food is not logical and is ingrained deeply in to my psyche and going against it is really freakin hard. In my head the less I eat the better so eating 22 points a day is hard because lots of days I don’t want to eat that much; I finally got my head around eating the 22 points and now I have to eat more???

I don’t know how I managed it but I ate my exercise points today, sigh, I noticed though that as soon as I was in to my exercise points I wanted to totally binge. My body seemed to think that since I was eating more then 22 points I could just go on an eating frenzy and it wanted everything! Even now, when I am not hungry and should be perfectly satisfied with my food for today I want more…more, more, more, more, more! Oh, and nothing I want is remotely healthy. lol. I almost ate a chocolate candy that I have, it’s 1 point and even though I had eaten all my exercise points I almost grabbed the candy because my mentality switched from “you have 22 points, eat only those and be strong” to “meh, you’re eating over your points anyways, what’s one more measly point?” This is sooooo Not good! The points were rigid in my head as the line to not cross, now they are flexible and can be moved and I don’t like that, as much as I hate rules for my food I need rules, otherwise I will screw this up.

Today I ate:

1 cup Fiber 1 = 3 points

1 1/2 cup 1% milk = 1.5 points

1 banana = 2 points

50 grams artificial crab = 1 point

1 cup Maple Baked Beans = 4 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

2 triangles Light Laughing Cow cheese = 1 point

1 cup blackberries = 1 point

1 kiwi = 1 point

1/2 cup cottage cheese = 2 points

1 corn on the cob = 1 point

1 tsp marg for the corn = 1 point

1 hamburger patty = 4 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

1 weight watchers banana nut muffin = 3 points

Exercise points earned = 5 points

Total points eaten 27.5 points – that is 22 daily points, 5 exercise points, 0.5 flex point.

I am embarassed to write that, it seems so wrong to have eaten so much. sigh.  I don’t know if eating my exercise and flex points will get easier or if it will always be this much of a struggle, guess I’ll just have to see how it goes. The one thing I do know is if I don’t have a smaller number on that scale this weekend this whole eating the exercise and flex points thing is going to be under serious threat of ending!

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