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Well Shit…

23 Jan

Ok, I don’t want to write this…it’s embarassing but here goes…I gained weight, a LOT of weight, sigh. I am now back to getting 21 points a day, how sucky is that? Not only did I gain weight but I gained enough I get an extra point per day…not that I’m not happy to get the points worth of food but uh, nobody wants to go up a point! The whole point is to go down a point every month and a bit or so…but nooOOOooo, I went UP! Can you say Loser? and yes, that is with a capital L, sigh.

On the rational side of my head I know that I was supposed to gain weight because I lost a huge chunk of weight all at once due to being so sick and that isn’t healthy but come on! Almost 2 lbs worth of weight?!?! So not cool. I also know that I had a huge meal last thursday that took approx 24 hours to digest so (1) apparently my body isn’t digesting properly yet and (2) totally went over my points so even if I wasn’t having my first week of eating all my points per day I over ate so much that I wouldn’t have been surprised to gain weight but still! *stomps foot* I wanna pout this sucks so much.

And get this, on saturday which was when I stepped on the stupid scale do you think I went “ok, I went up in weight but that’s cause I am finally able to eat again so just focus and you’ll lose it again – this is gonna be fine!” ? No, I didn’t have that wonderful little convo in my head! Instead I hopped in the shower and tried to ignore the urge to cry cause I do NOT cry! And then I went and over ate…really great start to getting back on track and losing that weight I put on huh? *rolls eyes* I was hanging out with friends all day and we ended up eating at dinner time but for all of us that was our first (and in my case) the only meal of the day…because it was my only meal I convinced myself that I could order whatever cause, hey, it’s my only meal! Moron. sigh. I had a pulled-pork sandwich (omg, sooo good!), it came with yam fries and a tiny bit of coleslaw. I ate the entire thing! Didn’t save half the sandwich for a different meal, didn’t leave some of the fries on the plate…nope, none of my little tricks were followed at that meal, I ate it all! I felt guilty the whole rest of the night, sigh.

So now it is Sunday and all I want to do is eat, oh dear. I slept in and didn’t get officially up for the day until about 1pm – I’m such a slacker. lol. When I went to eat tho it was weird cause I wasn’t hungry, shrug, but I figured oh well, eat anyways cause I should be hungry and probably while I am getting food ready the hunger will kick in…well, it didn’t.

Where did my appetite go? I am not sure…wherever it went it took my willpower with it, arg. Seriously, all I wanted to do today was eat…and I did. I didn’t go over my points so that’s something but man, all day I kept finding myself in the kitchen getting something to eat – recipe for disaster that! Fruit, home made pizza, home made muffins, more fruit, toast, yogurt…it’s been like a never ending buffet! Even though I didn’t go over my points I feel bad for what I have eaten today –  there has been no flow to my food today, it’s all been choppy, not thinking about how many points I will have left for the rest of the day, not wondering how long this will keep me full for, just eating whatever I felt like at the time…so now it is 10:27pm and I am hungry but I have no points left and since I ate a frickin pulled pork sandwich yesterday and used god only knows how many flex points it’s not like I can go eat something and justify it because I have all my flex points for the week left…*rolls eyes*

I will ignore the hunger, and attempt to ignore the home made muffins I made that are cooling on my dining table (you can find the recipe on my new Recipes Page) and go to bed soon in the hopes that when I wake up tomorrow I will have my willpower back…thank goodness I have Zumba tomorrow, I desperately need to get some activity in to my life again. huh. Who ever thought I’d write that? lol. 😛

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