Tag Archives: overeating

Sick Girl = Boring Life

11 Feb

I haven’t been writing in a while but only because I haven’t been doing anything interesting lol I highly doubt anybody wants to read about how I was sitting on my arse, reading and watching tv while feeling like crap as I waited for my immune system to kick in and kill the bug that had invaded my body. Right? Right. 🙂

Luckily my cough is aaaaalmost gone and I feel like I can honestly describe myself as being more on the health side of the scale vs the sick side, so yay for that! lol

Unfortunately, when I am sick I completely lose my appetite and eat such a small amount of food that when I start to get healthy I struggle to get back in the groove of eating more normally. I don’t want to eat more food but I’m being more active, not necessarily with exercising but just with normal life stuff like going to work, running errands, meeting up with friends etc so if I don’t start increasing my food I get exhausted from my normal everyday things. The end result of that is me napping on my living room chair lol 😛

My first week after being sick I tend to focus on making sure I eat more than once a day and that I eat balanced meals, not just little snacks. I was doing fairly well with that, because I hadn’t indulged in any sort of sweets etc I wasn’t craving any of them, always nice to not be actively wishing I could eat a doughnut lol Buuuut Sunday was a bit of a disaster that left my poor tummy feeling off all the way until Monday evening, not cool!

We had a brunch at work on Sunday and instead of taking my own lunch I opted to eat the brunch food. I took a little bit of all sorts of foods and I’m sorry to say I caved and nabbed two pancakes and 1/4 of a waffle, sigh, such a weakness for those foods! *rolls eyes* I also ate a poached egg, some tomatoes with seasoning, a shrimp salad, some diced potatoes with fried onions, ummm…for the main course that’s about it. Then I took not one but two desserts! An absolutely lovely lemon meringue tart and a creme brule with blueberries and strawberries on top, Mmm!

I felt fine while eating but about twenty minutes after finishing my lunch my tummy felt, well, not sick, just not impressed. I think it was just too much too soon, for sure with those desserts anyways! Ooops…

So I’ve been trying to backpedal since Sunday and focus on choosing healthier foods and making sure I eat proper portion sizes. I am sorry to say, I haven’t been doing very well, sigh. I was out and about yesterday and had limited food choices for dinner, I ended up eating Taco Time which while tasty, and something I haven’t eaten in a freakishly long time did nothing for my weight loss plan lol Then today I ate some maple flavoured baked beans and toast (which I have no guilt about) but that’s all I’ve eaten, and it’s almost 10pm. Can you say below my calories for the day? Eesh.

I’m hoping tomorrow, instead of going over due to fast food or being under due to not eating I can somehow hit the middle ground and eat a normal amount while getting a bit of exercise in there. Theoretically it is a do-able thing, in reality though…who knows! lol


Chocolate Madness!

21 Apr

For the love of gawd, stop with all the chocolate! Just…Stop!

I don’t do the whole Easter thing but the amount of chocolate I have somehow ended up with is ridiculous! It is all gifted-to-me chocolate and I have done my best to re-gift some of it but I still have a whole bunch of it. And before you say something silly like “why don’t you throw it out? or give it all away” please remember that I am a girl and therefore love chocolate and some things you just don’t throw out, I mean c’mon, what a waste! It’s bad karma to waste food I’m sure of it! lol 😉

Just today I got given an adorable little basket with lots of chocolate eggs in it. It was given as a thank you gift and while she was giving it to me she was apologizing for it being a day late, I loved her reasoning, she said the Easter Bunny got lost and couldn’t find me but he kept trying and voila! he found me today, well, found me via her lol

cute little basket

cute little basket

with chocolate inside, Mmm!

with chocolate inside, Mmm!

There’s actually a lot more chocolate in there then it looks like in the picture and just by looking at it I can feel my ass getting bigger, sigh.

I also have a Lindt chocolate bunny, he’s got a cute little collar with a bell on it. I fully intended to give it away Easter weekend I just didn’t know who to give it to so it is still here, with me, staring at me, judging my willpower against chocolate. Thing is, I can’t eat that, and not because I have some semblance of willpower, it’s too large for me to eat in one sitting but if I eat it’s ears (which seem the most logical spot to start) and then set it aside I am leaving the poor bunny maimed and deaf and that just seems cruel…

awwww, such a cute little bunny rabbit

awwww, such a cute little bunny rabbit

Oh and get this, in some weird twist of logic I don’t want to give the bunny to someone I care about because it’s basically giving someone a present that is super bad for them, I wouldn’t give someone a pack of cigarettes so why would I give them a chocolate bunny that has the potential to make them fatter, increase their BMI and entice them away from a healthy food choice? sigh, pathetic huh? I’m gonna turn in to that lame person that thinks bringing raw veggies without dip is an acceptable potluck snack…oh wait…I already think that, crap… 😛

I also still have the care packages from England that I am making my way through, Mmm! I opened these tonight…

omg sogoodsogoodsogood

omg sogoodsogoodsogood

The bottom is crunchy, like a cookie, then the soft gooey traditional Cadbury Creme Egg centre all surrounded by milk chocolate. Holy hannah! Cadbury is a genius! I usually buy myself one, yes that’s right, One Cadbury Creme Egg for Easter and thoroughly enjoy it. I don’t eat the chocolate though, I open up the top, use a finger to scoop out the yummy gooey centre then throw the chocolate away…one of the super rare times I won’t eat chocolate lol. These don’t give you the option, you kinda have to eat the chocolate but they taste so good I don’t mind. These will not last long, of that I am already certain lol

I have loads more chocolate around here but don’t want to bore you with pictures of all of it lol

On top of all these ticking-chocolate-timebombs I also ate an incredibly large quantity of food yesterday at the Easter brunch my work held, my stomach may never recover, omg all so tasty, all so fattening, all of it in my tummy…or at least that is what it felt like yesterday lol When I make food I plate it not on a dinner plate but on the small plate that comes with your dish set but at the buffet they were using large dinner plates so I had one of those and I, get this, actually covered the entire bottom of the plate with food! Normally you can see a good chunk of my plate when I use the little plate but yesterday I covered the entire bottom of a large plate! How is that even possible?? I didn’t eat all of it but truth be told, the food I didn’t eat was left behind only because I didn’t much care for it, so I can’t really take credit for resisting some of the food on the plate lol Then there was dessert…let’s not go in to details about that k? It’d just be embarrassing. Let’s leave it at there was dessert, I ate it. 😛 What amazed me was how there I was, silently appalled at how much food I had put on my plate but most of the people there had pyramids of food on their plate, towers of food, basically a whole lot more food than I, and they ate it! People *shakes head* we are all gluttons at times lol

So here I am, someone who doesn’t generally do anything for Easter and I over-indulged in a huge meal and am surrounded by Easter themed chocolate. It’s like I crossed over to an alternate dimension…

A New Leaf

28 Aug

Last week I ate horribly, I don’t mean I ate something high in points on one day, I mean every freakin day I ate something way way way high in points, guaranteeing I dipped into flex points daily and only on one day did I exercise, and it wasn’t even my highest intensity exercise – it was just my hike. Crap. What seems to make it even worse is…I didn’t track! *hangs head in shame* aaaaaahhhhhhhhh! I always track my food! ALWAYS! well…always when I am at home in my normal routine, when on vacation I usually cut myself some slack lol.  😉

Why did this happen? I’m not sure…which is weird…normally I have some idea for why I screw up but this time? I dunno…well, that’s not totally true, on Friday I know why I ate badly, I was so pissed off and hurt from that interview I had I dived into ice cream, and not even the healthy-ish ice cream (ya know, the Skinny Cow stuff) but I got the really bad stuff, I bought double chocolate drumsticks, omg, bad move! Of course, after eating the ice cream I felt so badly for what I stuffed in my face I went out at night to the hiking trail and kicked my own ass all the way around it, lol, the whole time I was internally berating myself for what I had eaten and calling myself lots of bad names, lemme tell ya, walking that trail when angry got me a way better time then when I normally walk it lol. When I got home I then popped in one of my many exercise dvds and continued to attempt to burn off some of the calories I’d ingested. So ok, there is Friday explained but the rest of it?

For those days…I only have partial ideas, none of them great. shrug. Monday it was raining so I couldn’t hike and there was no dragon boating (we had the day off since we had raced just two days prior), there are no boxerfit classes on monday so I really had nothing I could do – and yes, I am aware I could have used an exercise dvd but I figured I’d enjoy the rainy day by sitting inside with a book and a cup of tea and just relax since my weekend had been so freakin busy. Did I mention already last Sunday I was turned in to a zombie? Cause I was, and while yes that is totally fun it takes a lot of the day and weirdly enough kinda wears you out…I think cause you’re sitting so long in makeup that your body just goes sleepy. lol.

So Monday, it was a chilling/relaxing day, having one of those every now and then won’t kill a girl or her diet plan, er, healthy living regime lol, so that was ok. But then Tuesday…uh, wtf happened with Tuesday? I didn’t hike cause I was running late going to a friends to take her some stuff and I thought I’d hike afterwards but we ended up hanging out and by the time I got home it was too late and well, I’d been drinking a tad so really, exercise wasn’t on my to-do list right then. lol. For food that day I was doing ok until I was on my way home and I was starving so I stopped at a 7-11 and bought half the store, ugh, I ate billions of calories really late at night right before going to bed on a day when I didn’t exercise at all, just frickin brilliant. *rolls eyes*

Wednesday I was recovering, lol, my stomach would barely tolerate anything for quite a while which I was kinda grateful for cause I was mad at myself for what I ate the night before. I did almost nothing Wednesday cause of how crappy I felt, oh, and add to the hangover I got wicked bad cramps, sigh, so two reasons I didn’t go to boxerfit. Now that I think about it I don’t think I ate as badly on Wednesday as on the other days but that’s cause my stomach was all anti-food, not cause I had any kind of self restraint or willpower. I remember eating cereal…and some toast…I’m not sure what else went past my lips but whatever it might have been it most likely wasn’t healthy lol

Thursday was the audition that went awesome! I don’t eat a lot before going to auditions cause I don’t wanna feel bloated or digesty or anything so all I had before I went was some toast and water. Afterwards I didn’t get home for way more hours then I anticipated cause of the wait at the docs office so when I was on the way home I got a pizza, I was sooooo starved and for some reason I thought I’d have a treat since I did so well at the audition. I have to stop treating myself with food! What am I, a dog??? arg. And really, I’d eaten so badly earlier in the week that even if I decided treating myself with food was an ok option I so wouldn’t have deserved to eat something bad for me that day! Friday was the bad mean sucky day, I ended up eating the rest of the pizza and two of those double chocolate drumsticks, oh, and some pumpkin pie. Then I hiked and dvd exercised.

Saturday I…wtf did I eat yesterday? hmm…oh! I went to White Spot with KL, she did me a huge favour and came with me to pick up a tv I got for free from a guy on craigslist (the tv I’ve been using belongs to my former roomie and she’s picking it up at the end of the month so I’ve been trying to find a tv for way cheap to replace hers with and I got the worlds heaviest tv for free, all I had to do was pick it up, yah!) I was a good girl and ordered a Spot Salad with skinless boneless chicken breast on top, I get the dressing on the side and dip every third forkful into it so I barely use any dressing. Can I say, it’s freakin ridiculous it cost almost $4 extra to get the chicken! $4!!! Crazy! but I really needed the protein so there ya have it. That wasn’t so bad but later in the day I ate another drumstick and I believe I also had some of the pie, sigh.

Today I swore I was gonna turn over a new leaf, see, my food weeks start on Saturdays but I bombed yesterday so I figured I’d just move on past that and start fresh today. It seemed like a decent plan…well, yeah, I ate cereal before going out but KL convinced me we needed to get something to eat before we went to the place she is house sitting at to watch a movie. We were trying to get sushi but the only place open near the place she is house sitting is stupidly expensive so we went to a food court, where of course nothing is healthy, and I bought the cheapest thing I could find. Which, fyi, was a burger and fries with a pop. sigh. There was  only one healthy place there, a salad place, but it would’ve cost so much more then the burger and fries and I’m fairly poor right now so even if it’s not healthy I have to go with the cheapest. shrug. The burger and fries were yummy, and not as bad for me as I thought they would be, it’s a mom and pop type place so the burger was cooked on an actual grill and all the toppings were fresh and the fries weren’t greasy and actually tasted like potato…weird lol…but still, not healthy! Since I’ve been home I ate the last piece of pie, thank god that is now gone from my place! and I’m dousing myself with tea to trick my tummy into thinking it doesn’t want to eat. See, without my medication I can’t eat for like 5-7 hours before I go to bed (when I am on medication it’s more like 3-4 hours which is much easier to deal with).

I find that what I have been doing this past week is instead of eating a healthy meal and then also eating the ice cream or pie or whatever I am just eating the ice cream or pie or whatever, the healthy food has gone bye-bye. Part of it is cause I have to eat what I have, I can’t afford to buy groceries for a bit and that means I don’t have fresh produce anymore, and part of it is cause when I ate the drumsticks they were so bad for me that I couldn’t bring myself to eat anything else on top of that. lol  Sooooo, while what I ate was bad for me, and I wouldn’t recommend my eating plan of the past week to anybody ever, I guess it could have been worse, I could have been eating my normal food plan and then eating all the extra bad for me food on top of that, instead I am just eating the bad for me food…talk about not getting all your vitamins and nutrients! lol All I got was processed sugar, lol.

So starting tomorrow is my New Leaf! I am back to tracking, back to eating as healthy as I am able to (this of course is dependent on what food I have in my fridge and cupboards) and basically back to being a good little Weight Watcher. 🙂 Oh, and I will be back to my normal exercising routine as dragon boating practice starts up again tomorrow and that’ll set me up for exercising throughout the week…one hopes… 😉

One weird thing, normally after I go on a food bender I look and feel way bigger. My tummy is larger, I don’t know if it’s cause it gets bloated from the sugar etc or cause I am gaining weight that quickly, but whatever the reason, it is noticeably bigger, and I feel laggier (I know that’s not a word! lol) – I usually have all kinds of side effects but this week…I haven’t had any! I still look the same, I still feel the same, you’d think I’d been eating normal all week for the lack of effect my eating and non exercising has had on me…don’t know what my body is up to but maybe my bad week won’t screw up my weight loss too much since so far it hasn’t created any noticeable changes…course, I’ll go hiking and boating tomorrow and probably almost die from not having the right type of food in my body to provide me with energy lol 😛 but that’ll be my own fault and serve me right! lol 😀

Dear Muscles, I’m Sooooo Sorry!

24 May

Oh my poor poor pathetic excuses of muscles, they are in so much pain and I am not pampering them in the way they are used to. Normally, if I exercise and actually cause my muscles to strain and thereby hurt/ache the next day I do everything I can to make it up to them. I move as little as possible, I eat comfort food, I wear warm clothes and have hot showers. lol. You’d think they were injured and not just being worked out. 😛

Last Friday I went to boxerfit class because dragon boating was cancelled due to the long weekend. It was oh so much fun and totally kicked my ass! I have the same curse as all other natural red heads in that as soon as I start doing cardio my face turns tomato red and I look as if I am going to pass out – I have had random strangers come up to me to ask if I am ok because I am so red I scare people, teehee. By the end of that class I was red red red! It’s really embarassing but oh well, nothing I can do about it, shrug.

Boxerfit works like this, it is an hour class that starts with intense interval cardio, then it moves to interval cardio combined with weight work for toning, then you get boxing gloves and have oh, I guess 20 minutes or so of boxing that you guessed it, is done in intervals. lol. Then a bit of stretching and abs and voila, it’s been an hour, I’m red as a tomato and sweating like a crazy person. 😀 I knew as soon as it was over I was gonna be in pain the next day lol.

Saturday rolled around and I hurt but not as badly as I thought I would – there was definite muscle aches and some pains but over all not so bad. Sunday however, ahahaha, that is when the pain hit! My poor calves were beyond aching and were hurt-ing! Every move made me cringe and I did my darndest to move as little as possible. Monday I was out and about and it hurt but not as bad as the day before and the pain was more concentrated – it was only specific muscles now.

Today, Tuesday, went to work, had all the normal stuff happen – which means I sat at a desk for most of the day, shrug, but when I got home, oh man, I ingested sooooo many stupid calories, *shakes head*, sigh. I don’t know what I was thinking! Even as I was eating it I knew it was too much food and I’d feel sickly after and it would put me way over my points and I should just NOT do it…that didn’t stop my arm from getting a workout by lifting the food to my mouth. *raised eyebrow*

After I finished eating my tummy was all popping out even more then normal and oh ew, I felt so gross. I just wanted to sit and veg on the couch, drink tea, and huddle down while trying to digest but then I started thinking about my fat cells. Some people think fat people have more fat cells, that’s not true, we are born with a certain amount of fat cells and we retain the same amount throughout our lives (unless you get liposuction and they are forcibly removed) but those silly fat cells can change size. The fatter you are the bigger your fat cells are…think of them like a tart vs a pie, a skinny person has fat cells the size of a tart, a larger person has fat cells the size of a pie…now, obviously not really those sizes but you get what I mean, right?

So, I was sitting on the couch drinking tea and watching tv and I started thinking about my fat cells, and how I just ate way too much food and if I didn’t do something about all those calories that just went in to my body then my body would turn them in to fat cause it was way more then what I needed for the day and oh man were my fat cells gonna streeeetch – and after all that work to make them smaller! I just couldn’t deal with it! So I got my lazy ass off the couch and went for a hike. 🙂

I had so many ways to talk myself out of it, examples of my excuses are (1) it looks like it’s gonna rain (2) my tummy felt icky from eating too much (3) I’m lazy (4) I have stuff to do in the apartment. Now see, they are all legit reasons so a person has to know if the reasons they are using to not exercise are a real reason or an excuse – for me, it is almost always an excuse. lol.

After my hike I did some push ups, some weight work, some ab work, stretching…frankly, I don’t know what got in to me, it was freaky and yet, I kept going…weird…lol

I don’t think I worked out enough to make enough exercise points to counteract all the food I ate when I got home (I haven’t had a chance to calculate everything yet) but at least I put some effort in to working off all those calories I ate…

So now I am sitting, writing up this post, drinking a big ass glass of water to rehydrate, and still feeling a bit icky from over eating earlier, imagine how much worse I would feel if I hadn’t exercised?! ack! But oh my poor muscles, I am not sure if the exercising I did this evening will make the muscles feel better tomorrow cause of stretching them and using them or make them feel even worse cause I pushed them too much too soon…guess we’ll find out tomorrow! 😛

Quick Post!

11 May

omg I’m so freakin tired! I think it’s the weather…and my lack of good sleep for oh, almost a week now…sadness. It doesn’t matter what position I am in I am either putting pressure on my hurt elbow or my hurt knee…or both, and everytime it happens I wake up and get to experience the pain, nice huh?

So today after work I rushed home so I could bake cookies for a lady at work who is buying them from me – crazy huh?! I mean yeah, I bake, and often, but I don’t sell it, I bake cause I love to bake and I share it cause I don’t want to eat it lol. She refuses to take the cookies (even though she requested them) unless I take money from her *rolls eyes*.

I got the cookies done and realized I hadn’t eaten dinner yet, wasn’t really hungry due to a late and large lunch so I had some cheese and crackers then ended up napping on the couch while the tv blared away lol. When I woke up I was freezing and not really hungry but groggy and feeling all low blood sugary so I figured I should eat something.  I made some toast, yum, and of course my standard cup of tea…I then ate a spoonful of nutella, sigh, and an unknown amount of the cookies that were sitting on the cooling racks, double sigh, oh, and I put light peanut butter and nutella on the toast, triple sigh.

Not the best food choices!

I blame it on being freakishly tired and well…that’s it. I know when you are tired you crave carbs and other quick energy fixes and apparently I was just that tired.

I know I should regret what I ate, I was just grabbing and eating but really, I’m still tired enough to not care. lol. I’ll probably care more tomorrow…

Today I ate:

1 pear = 1 point

1 apple = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points


   – miso soup = 1 point

    – philly roll = ?

    – yam roll = ?

10 triscuit crackers = 2 points

30 grams light cheese = 2 points

2 pieces bodywise toast = 1 point

1/2 tbls light peanut butter = 1 point

1/2 tbls nutella = 1 point

spoonful of nutella = 2 points (approx)

random unknown amount of cocount cookies = ??

Total points eaten = uh, I dunno…lol

I know I can calculate the sushi points, at least get an approximation, but I’m too tired for that right now and I can’t remember how many of the cookies I ate…I have it written down how many points the cookies are (on a different copy of the recipe then what I used this evening) so I’ll be able to approximate for those…if I remember correctly they are 2 points each and I think I ate a  whopping 4, eesh, so 8 points right there, quadruple sigh? lol Most definitely went in to flex points today…*rolls eyes*

Here’s hoping I am more awake tomorrow and don’t succumb to my food cravings…but oh man, that nutella and the cookies? Way yum! lol. 😛

My Dilemma

1 May

Oh the choices, sigh.

Here’s the sitch, I slept in late (soooooooo nice, aaaahhhhh. lol), woke up, ate and started cleaning. blah. Cleaning is so not my fave thing to do, hell, it’s not even on my top 30 list lol. This wasn’t just ordinary cleaning, I took everything out of my storage unit this weekend so I could cancel it and save myself $85 a month – it’s a good long term decision but short term, well, finding somewhere to put my stuff is not easy. 😛

I spent my day sorting stuff and reorganizing in an attempt to get everything to fit in my room – I got close, yah! Only 2 rubbermaid containers wouldn’t fit and those are filled with xmas stuff so I am gonna appeal to my landlord and see if he’ll let me store those measly 2 containers in the garage…I really hope he says yes otherwise I am screwed, erg.

So, yeah, spent all that time sorting and cleaning an random physical labour sorta stuff – not cool but productive, shrug. I looked at the clock and was shocked that it was almost 8pm – so past dinner time! Oops. lol. 😉

Thing is, I wasn’t even hungry…I hate trying to figure out what to eat when I am not hungry cause it makes making a decision so much harder, in my opinion…

I settled on an open faced sandwich and some tomato rice soup, yum! Only prob – and this is where my sitch that I mentioned at the top of this post comes in…I had only eaten 11 points (that’s after eating my dinner of soup and sandwich) so uh, yeah, what the hell am I s’posed to do??

My options (as I see it) are eat something high in points but small since I am not hungry and don’t actually want anything to eat or don’t eat and be way low on my daily points – oh the dilemma!

I am not sure what the weight watcher people would say for what is the better choice – I know we are always supposed to eat all our daily points but really? Even when not hungry? Even when the only way to eat the rest of the points is to eat something ridicuously unhealthy?? hmmm…seems flawed to me…

In the end I decided to eat 2 pop tarts, strawberry flavour, which cost me 8 points, Eight!!! Stupid high pointed foods, I still can’t believe I bought those! It’s gonna take me forever to finish them off since I can rarely eat that many points on a food that has no nutritional benefits and is not filling due to size…oh, and is also so way too sweet that I wouldn’t want to eat them on any kind of a regular basis. Oh the sadness of getting old and having your tastebuds change, sigh.

This isn’t a situation I run in to very often, I mean, how many times do you have a huge amount of points left over and no appetite? shrug.

Ah well, in the end I made my decision to eat something cause I figured if I don’t eat the points then tomorrow I will wake up stupid hungry and have a higher chance of making a poor food choice – there’s that big picture again. 😉

Oh, a little sidenote, my weekend of yummy foods at mom and dad’s and then my English Only food day resulted in my gaining 2 pounds this week, sigh. (I guess, technically, that is 2 pounds gained in the last 2 weeks since I didn’t get to weigh in last week) I am pretty sure most of that is from the English food day cause prior to that I was feeling pretty ok about things, sigh. I don’t regret the food, or the fun of eating the food, but I do know that I have to buckle down and get my mind back in the game – don’t ya just love sports metaphors? lol. I have summer things to attend that I want to look good for so I can’t be gaining weight, I must continue to looooooose! hehe. I start Dragon Boating this week so hopefully with my increase of activity and my sticking to my points I will lose these stupid 2 pounds and the 14 more I want to lose to get to my goal kinda quickly – *crosses fingers*

All Things British

29 Apr

I s’pose the title should be All Foods British but I like the sound of Things instead of Food better. lol.

In my own little show of celebration for the wedding of Prince William and Kate since Thursday dinner time I have eaten only “English food”, can’t go wrong with that plan since they do have some kick ass yummy food. 😀

Most of the British foods I know are quite unhealthy, *rolls eyes*, figures right? I asked my mom for some suggestions on what I could make that would be traditional and perhaps not too too bad for me – oh, fyi my mom is from England, she moved to Canada in her 20s so I wasn’t asking her just cause she’s my mom and the person to go to when I have questions about things but because she is from England and will actually have an answer. lol 😛

She had lots of suggestions, some healthier then others, but due to my limited budget, fondness for unhealthy foods and general laziness when it comes to cooking I chose some of the easier and slightly worse for me options. 🙂

Thursday night dinner was none other then a 2 piece fish and chip dinner. 😀 Oh YUM!! I sprinkled malt vinegar on top and dived right in. So So So good! I would have gotten a 1 piece dinner cause really, who needs 2?? but I had a coupon lol, so 2 pieces it was, shrug. When I was done my stomach was actually distended there was so much food in it, lol, and I kinda felt a little icky but I don’t care, the food was so good I’d do it again – although not for a long while cause I shudder to think how many points I ate…

Quick side note – starting thursday dinner time through to the end of today (friday) I am not counting points cause I felt that would make my mission to eat only British food too hard, lol, LAZEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

I stayed up all night to be able to watch all the coverage for the wedding, yup, I was that whacko! I napped from about 12:30am to a bit after 2am or so then watched the royal family going to the Abbey, watched the wedding ceremony but napped through the church service, then stayed awake for the ride in the carriage, the balcony and of course the kiss! The commentator said they would be on the air live for another couple hours but I figured they wouldn’t be showing anymore of the royal family it’d just be people yapping and since I was about to fall over from being so tired I opted for bed, lol, I finally got to bed about 6am or so. Could have been worse – and ya know, I’d do it again. 🙂

When I got up around noonish today (friday) I ate 2 (yes, two, sigh) blueberry scones. One was cut open and I put some raspberry jam on it, the other I just broke off in to pieces, both got dipped in to light cool whip – yeah, I know, it’s supposed to be clotted cream but I couldn’t find any. It was good, not as good as the fish n chips but good. 🙂

Later on I had a sausage roll, I screwed up though and microwaved it to heat it up so the pastry went soft, sigh. I’d say I’d remember next time but I probably won’t be buying a sausage roll for so long that by next time I’ll have forgotten lol.

Dinner, which I had disturbingly late in the day was a home made cheese and onion pie. Now, when I ask people if they ever had one they can’t seem to figure out what it is, it’s not a quiche, it’s not a pie like a fruit pie, its a one pie is one serving closed pastry pie…so, imagine a pizza pop but with puff pastry and filled with melted cheese and sauteed onion. Good huh? The recipe I have is from the internet and it’s supposed to make 1 pie, 1! Well, I offered to make a pie for my roomie but when I opened the puff pastry box there were only 2 squares in the box and according to the recipe those 2 squares were needed to make one pie so I decided to make 2 smaller pies and put half the filling in each, if nothing else it would save calories right? ha! Even when I halved it each pie was so large 1 pie covered the entire bottom of a large sized dinner plate – can you believe that??? We both just stared at them like ‘holy fuck’. It took a looooong time to eat cause it was so big and it’s doing the same thing the fish n chips did – making my tummy large and making me feel ick. sigh. Why do I do this to myself?!?! Oh, and no, I don’t need you to answer that…

So now it’s a bit after 11pm, I’m watching Rambo (can’t go wrong with a Stallone movie!) and trying to digest my uber large dinner. While enjoying the wedding stuff and the food I wasn’t worried about the points cause I knew I wasn’t counting so I refused to let myself feel guilty, well, I don’t feel guilty but I do feel worried cause of weigh in tomorrow. I ate bad last weekend but not just for the standard 2 days of a weekend, more like 4 or 5 days, and now I have eaten really bad today and last night for dinner. Oh my.

There’s nothing that can be done about it now, and weigh in isn’t for hours n hours yet so really, I shouldn’t be worrying about it cause not like worrying will do me any good, shrug, but I always worry on friday evenings about saturdays weigh in results. I’m starting to think it’s natural…or at least kinda normal…

No Flex Points For Me Today, phew

13 Apr

I feel like ever since the weekend I have been using flex points like crazy. I knew I’d use a lot last weekend but I didn’t think I’d continue the trend during the week but I dunno, I am way more relaxed this week about food and more inclined to say fuck-it and eat something I know I shouldn’t for no real reason…I mean, sure if I was craving, or especially hungry or exercising like crazy then hey, sure, eat some chocolate, but it’s none of those things, I am just eating. shrug.

But not today! 😀 Today, even with eating more during the day then normal and getting a late dinner I managed to somehow only eat my points for the day, yah!

Today I ate:

1 pear = 1 point

1 apple = 1 point

1/2 cup light cottage cheese = 2 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

8 pcs Philly Roll (sushi) = 5.36 points

1 vanilla Girl Guide cookie = 1.5 points

5 perogies = 5 points

mixed cooked veggies = 0 points

1 tbls light sour cream = 0 points

1 small slush = 1 point

2 pieces bodywise toast = 1 point

1/2 tbls light peanut butter = 1 point

Total points eaten = 19.86…so really, 20 points lol

Why do I have such a weird total you ask? Because I was bored and got way in to figuring out my sushi roll points. lol. For philly rolls it is 4 points for 6 pieces, my sushi had 8 pieces and you can bet your fine blog reading ass I ate them all! Yum! So, 4 points divided by 6 rolls is 0.67, 0.67 multiplied by 8 is 5.36…hence, 5.36 points for my sushi. 😀 I really hope I did that right, math isn’t really my thing…

It is now 9:16pm and I am fairly hungry, which sucks. But really, it’s my own fault, I let my tummy eat a little extra monday and tuesday and it ate way extra sat and sun so now it thinks it should be getting more food then it is supposed to get, sigh.

My stomach and my eating plan often times remind me of dog training. Every now and then you put the dog through a slightly stricter routine, this way it remembers who is “in charge” and is grateful when the more strict time is over and it gets to be a bit more relaxed about things (ex, normally the dog is allowed on the porch when you are sitting drinking a beer but for a while you make it stay in the yard – it wants to be on the porch and when you finally allow it on the porch again it recognizes that as a treat and acts accordingly). Well, my stomach is like that, I put it through stricter times so when I eat something special it recognizes it as special but sometimes I forget to stop with the special food/quantities and go overboard, making retraining harder. *rolls eyes* My own fault. Means the next couple days have the potential to suck a big hairy toe cause I’ll feel hungry a lot but by the weekend I should be back to normal and it won’t be a big deal again…now I really want the weekend to get here! lol. 🙂

Well Shit…

23 Jan

Ok, I don’t want to write this…it’s embarassing but here goes…I gained weight, a LOT of weight, sigh. I am now back to getting 21 points a day, how sucky is that? Not only did I gain weight but I gained enough I get an extra point per day…not that I’m not happy to get the points worth of food but uh, nobody wants to go up a point! The whole point is to go down a point every month and a bit or so…but nooOOOooo, I went UP! Can you say Loser? and yes, that is with a capital L, sigh.

On the rational side of my head I know that I was supposed to gain weight because I lost a huge chunk of weight all at once due to being so sick and that isn’t healthy but come on! Almost 2 lbs worth of weight?!?! So not cool. I also know that I had a huge meal last thursday that took approx 24 hours to digest so (1) apparently my body isn’t digesting properly yet and (2) totally went over my points so even if I wasn’t having my first week of eating all my points per day I over ate so much that I wouldn’t have been surprised to gain weight but still! *stomps foot* I wanna pout this sucks so much.

And get this, on saturday which was when I stepped on the stupid scale do you think I went “ok, I went up in weight but that’s cause I am finally able to eat again so just focus and you’ll lose it again – this is gonna be fine!” ? No, I didn’t have that wonderful little convo in my head! Instead I hopped in the shower and tried to ignore the urge to cry cause I do NOT cry! And then I went and over ate…really great start to getting back on track and losing that weight I put on huh? *rolls eyes* I was hanging out with friends all day and we ended up eating at dinner time but for all of us that was our first (and in my case) the only meal of the day…because it was my only meal I convinced myself that I could order whatever cause, hey, it’s my only meal! Moron. sigh. I had a pulled-pork sandwich (omg, sooo good!), it came with yam fries and a tiny bit of coleslaw. I ate the entire thing! Didn’t save half the sandwich for a different meal, didn’t leave some of the fries on the plate…nope, none of my little tricks were followed at that meal, I ate it all! I felt guilty the whole rest of the night, sigh.

So now it is Sunday and all I want to do is eat, oh dear. I slept in and didn’t get officially up for the day until about 1pm – I’m such a slacker. lol. When I went to eat tho it was weird cause I wasn’t hungry, shrug, but I figured oh well, eat anyways cause I should be hungry and probably while I am getting food ready the hunger will kick in…well, it didn’t.

Where did my appetite go? I am not sure…wherever it went it took my willpower with it, arg. Seriously, all I wanted to do today was eat…and I did. I didn’t go over my points so that’s something but man, all day I kept finding myself in the kitchen getting something to eat – recipe for disaster that! Fruit, home made pizza, home made muffins, more fruit, toast, yogurt…it’s been like a never ending buffet! Even though I didn’t go over my points I feel bad for what I have eaten today –  there has been no flow to my food today, it’s all been choppy, not thinking about how many points I will have left for the rest of the day, not wondering how long this will keep me full for, just eating whatever I felt like at the time…so now it is 10:27pm and I am hungry but I have no points left and since I ate a frickin pulled pork sandwich yesterday and used god only knows how many flex points it’s not like I can go eat something and justify it because I have all my flex points for the week left…*rolls eyes*

I will ignore the hunger, and attempt to ignore the home made muffins I made that are cooling on my dining table (you can find the recipe on my new Recipes Page) and go to bed soon in the hopes that when I wake up tomorrow I will have my willpower back…thank goodness I have Zumba tomorrow, I desperately need to get some activity in to my life again. huh. Who ever thought I’d write that? lol. 😛

Addicted…to food??

24 Aug

So I think I am addicted to food…is that even possible? I think it is possible…and I think I have done it. lol. I laugh but it isn’t really funny…

There are people that are much worse off then I am, I know this cause I see them when I am out and about…like this guy I saw on the skytrain today, in all seriousness he took up the space of three people, eesh. So he obviously has a worse problem then I do…although for all I know he has a thyroid problem or some such thing, shrug.  Maybe he eats way healthy and is in much better shape then me, can’t really tell from looking…we all pretend we can and judge people based only on what they look like but really…what do we know?

Back to my topic, I think I managed to get addicted to food, and it’s not like I can quit it all together now can I? The reason I think this is because of cake, yup that’s right, cake.  I had some bites of the cake on saturday at the bbq – the vegan ice cream cake (teehee, just writing that makes me laugh, 🙂 ) and ever since then all I want is cake. I have been thinking about it not constantly but a lot!  To make it worse there is left over bday cake in the fridge at work that I see everytime I open the fridge for milk for my tea…it’s on the bottom shelf and the mik is on the top so everytime I open that door I repeat over and over to myself  “don’t look down! don’t look down! don’t look down!” and then of course I look down, sigh, and I see the cake. Argh!

It seems having those 4 or 5 bites of cake on saturday opened the flood gates of my longing for baked goods. I didn’t even eat all that much baked goods before starting Weight Watchers, I bake the stuff but then I always give it away. shrug. Now however, all I want is baked food. Cookies! Cakes! Donuts! Hell, I’d walk over a dead body to get to a fresh white dinner bun! lol.

Even though I had rough spots before saturday, days where I went over on my points or was really tempted by a certain food item I generally got through the rough patch. I was kinda proud of my willpower – I know, it seems silly to be proud of making a healthy food choice but hey, I will take my pride where I can get it. 😛 By the next day the craving for the bad food was gone and it wasn’t a big deal anymore…this cake thing though is on day 3 and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I REFUSE to eat cake!!!!! My refusal however does nothing to stop the wanting of the cake…this is why I think I am addicted…

It’s one thing to think “oh, yeah, I’d like some cake” but not eat any and not think about it after a half hour or so but to keep thinking about it for days? To still be wanting it? To be trying to figure out what to eat for dinner and all you come up with is getting a donut or slice of cake from the store? I almost cheated today and for what? Some old bday cake that’s been sitting in a fridge? A random timbit (they were on the counter at work) when I am not actually hungry? That was something I noticed, even though I wasn’t hungry I was wanting these baked foods. Right after lunch, I had soup and salad, I could have easily scarfed down a slice of chocolate cake…did I need it? No. Was I hungry? No. Was it really really hard to not grab the plate from Linda and inhale her cake? Oh yeah it was!

Up to now it wasn’t all that hard to not eat the cakes, cookies, timbits, pizza slices and all the other treats that were around me. I have been happy with the foods I am eating, liking the tastes of the foods, enjoying the new things I have been eating – that made it easier to say no. I mean sure, did I want to eat pizza at work? Of course I did. But I’d rather lose weight then eat a slice of pizza so there we go, choice made. But now that I have had a taste of the forbidden foods it’s all I want. I think I would have been fine if I hadn’t taken those bites of cake…I wouldn’t have remembered what I was missing ya know? But now my system is all fired up because it remembers the taste of refined sugar, chocolate, icing, it remembers the texture of cake with ice cream in the middle and sprinkles on top…it remembers all that and more, and it wants a taste of the more!

I know me, if I cave, if I say “who cares, eat a slice of cake, get the craving over with” I won’t stop there. That is the difference between me and someone who hasn’t realized they have an over eating problem. I have realized that I have a problem and am trying to fix it, if you’d asked me before this journey started I would have said I didn’t have a problem, I know where to draw the line, I can stop binge eating anytime I want to…but in reality, I couldn’t. Food is my heroin, my alcohol, my “fill in your addiction here”. But while I can quit smoking, or drinking or shooting up or whatver I can’t stop eating and everytime I eat I want what I am not supposed to be eating. It’s stupid hard. And this week more then any other time since I started Weight Watchers I want to quit. I just want to jump off the wagon, screw waiting to fall, and dive in to a meal with all the foods I have been denying myself.

This, more then anything, is what I have to fix. It’s one thing to fix your meal plan, another to fix your brain. I need to find a way to stop associating good feelings with bad food…maybe I can learn how to associate all the good sensations/feelings/thoughts I paired with the high calorie food to healthier foods…like fruit…it’s a thought…

And now that I have finished rambling (sorry about that) here is what I ate today:

2 weetabix = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 points

1 cup blueberries = 1 point

1 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup Tuscan Bean soup with Sweet Basil = 2 points

1/2 Fresh Express Fajita salad = 4 points

1 light babybell = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 light hot dog weiner = 1 points

1/2 cup mashed yams = 1.5 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

1 piece bread = 1 point

1 tbsp Nutella = 2 points

1 cup grapes = 1 point

Grand total is = 21.5. Only 0.5 under my daily points total, I’d say that is pretty good. 🙂 I have nothing for a half a point so I am not gonna get right on number today but I can try again tomorrow. 🙂

Trying over and over and over is the only way I think I am going to get past this wanting of unhealthy foods. I think there will always be a part of me that wants the high calorie foods, that wants to just come home and eat some huge bowl of Sidekicks pasta, or go to McD’s and get a full meal and dessert. Seems my lesson this week is a nasty one, no matter how much I work to change my eating plan there will always be a part of me tempted to go back to how I used to be. A little voice in my head telling me it wasn’t as bad as I remember, that I don’t really care if I am fat as long as I get to eat what I want since food is what makes me happy. But that’s not right. Food is fuel not a source of happiness. Food shouldn’t be something I rely on to make me feel better after I have a crappy day at work, it’s not there to make me more complete…it is there to give me energy so I can live a healthy life.

Food is fuel…I should get that tattooed on me somewhere so I never forget.

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