Archive | May, 2012

Weirdest Celebration Yet

31 May

So first the good news, heck, not good, try awesome, excellent, amazing, wonderous…or any other kick ass word you can think of lol. I (finally) got a job! wOOt! ๐Ÿ˜€ *happy dance*

You might be wondering why the hell I’m so happy to get a job when I’m an actress and this is a “day job” not a paid acting gig so let me explain. I am poor. lol. Easy enough. All actors have “day jobs” because acting is a freakish hard industry to break in to and you’ll starve to death before getting paid acting gigs if you’re not careful. Besides that, you are constantly taking classes, getting new headshots, new demo reels, getting copies of your headshots printed to take to auditions, having to maintain your look (hair, eyebrows, clothes, gym sessions), take classes to have new (or maintain) special skills (what, you think I was born with sword fighting skills? I had to take classes for that.) and then some. It’s crazy how much money you put in to acting when you have no idea if you’ll make it or not and that money could be going towards oh say, saving for a down payment on your own home, exotic vacations, laser eye surgery…the list is endless lol. ย But if you truly love acting, and if you feel deep down that is what you are meant to be doing and you can’t envision your life as a non-actor, then you suck it up and get a day job…and then channel as much of that money as you can back in to your acting lol.

So I’ve been hunting for ages for a new day job. I got laid off about a year ago and was collecting EI from the government, that got me enough to survive and that’s about it. This job hunt has been going on a while and I did get a couple offers but for jobs that when I was offered the job, as soon as I got off the phone with the person, I either (1) had a panic attack at the idea of taking the job or (2) cried at the idea of taking the job…neither of which are good indicators of how happy I would be in that job. The jobs were office jobs, monday to friday 9-5 type of deals and they scared the crap outta me. Sure, they pay well, but is a decent pay cheque worth my soul? And before you go rolling your eyes and say I’m being overly dramatic let me point out that (1) I’m an actor, of course I’m dramatic and (2) jobs like that crush a person, you don’t notice at first but eventually you get so sucked in to the company, the steady pay cheque, the rut, that you can’t break out and before you know it you’ve wasted years there that you can never get back. I just couldn’t bring myself to say yes, those job offers made me feel backed in to a corner and that I had to run away as fast as I could or else give up my acting dream forever. I mean, come on, if I wanted to have a boring office job I could have stayed in AB and saved myself the cost of moving here, going to acting school, and making a life for myself in BC.

Luck was on my side though and I found a job I really wanted and turns out they really wanted me too, win-win! ๐Ÿ˜€ It’s not like it’s a crazy awesome sounding job, it’s a receptionist at a retirement community, but it’s perfect for me at this stage of the game. They pay awesome, I get full extended health benefits (I can finally go to a dentist again! lol), ten paid vacation days (not a lot but decent), my birthday is a paid day off once I’ve been there a year, they are super close to where I work (15 minute commute), there is profit sharing and the BEST part is they are willing to work around my acting and my dragon boating! Oh, and the people are super nice, the job sounds interesting enough I won’t be bored senseless but not so stressful I’ll wanna pull out my hair and when I was offered it I did a happy dance while still on the phone being offered the job – much better reaction then panic attacks or crying wouldn’t you say? ๐Ÿ™‚

After I got off the phone and called my parents and facebooked and tweeted about getting the job I immediately thought about how to celebrate this happy day. You’re never gonna guess what I did! Did I…treat myself to a yummy desert? Did I…go out to dinner? Did I…indulge in some form of alcoholic drink? Did I…go hang out with friends? Nope, none of the above. I…went to the gym and had a kick ass workout then I came home, had my protein shake, my half a chicken breast and mixed veggie dinner and then chilled for the rest of the night. So, basically, I treated myself by being healthy…weird huh?

See, lately I’ve been stressing about stuff and have learned the true impact of emotional eating, eek. I’ve been veering super far off course from my eating plan lately and eating stuff I shouldn’t be for no reason other then I can, lame! So, when I got this awesome news instead of going and getting a cinnamon bun or some chocolate or whatever I decided to treat myself by being good to myself. I’m kinda hoping this will re-enforce to my brain and body that healthy eating is good and leaves me feeling good and unhealthy eating is bad and leaves me feeling bad…I’d give you feedback on if it’s working but the day after I woke up sick and am still sick today and when I’m sick it totally messes up my appetite so I’m not too sure yet…

My first day of training isn’t until June 12th so I have a bit more chillaxin time before entering the land of being a productive member of society lol. My shifts are great, Friday and Saturday I work 3p-9p, Sunday and Monday I work 7a-3p. Some people might be all ‘dude, you’re weekend is shot’ but I don’t care, I’d rather have the majority of Monday to Friday 9a-5p available so I can go to auditions – see? The priorities of the actor, lol. ๐Ÿ™‚ and my dragon boat practices are Monday evenings so I’ll never have to miss.

Sure, this isn’t a forever kind of job, but that’s not what I was looking for, I was looking for a see-me-through-the-next-couple-years-while-I-make-a-name-for-myself-acting kind of job and for that this is perfect. ๐Ÿ™‚

I’m glad I celebrated by going back to my eating plan and exercise plan that day, makes me feel good about the entire day, not just the getting-the-job part. Buuuuut the getting-the-job part was by far the best part of that day! lol ๐Ÿ˜€

Can Knees Just Fall Off?

27 May

Holy crap my knees freakin huuuuuurt! I decided in honour of summer being officially here (in my head that is, I have no idea if the actual official first day of summer has already come and gone, I don’t really keep track of stuff like that lol) I would unlock my bike, drag it off the balcony, drive it to the bike store to get air in the tires and then go ride the seawall, wOOt! I have never ridden the seawall, I have lived here since September 2007 and I have never ridden the seawall, disgusting! and uh, yeah, I have had my bike here that entire time…*sheepish face*…although, in my defence, I have walked the entire seawall, I feel that should be taken in to account when I am being judged…just sayin…

This summer is about being more active, getting out there, exercising but also having fun, finding ways to be social while getting fit…basically an extension of last summer lol ๐Ÿ˜› So out came the bike! Let me just say, I looooove my bike. It took me months to pick, I was not just gonna buy any ol thang, I wanted a sweet ride…which, admittedly, when I started the shopping experience was mostly about the colour lol *rolls eyes* I know, how like a girl right? ๐Ÿ˜‰ In the end though I didn’t pick it based on colour, although the colour didn’t hurt (it’s blue, silver and black), I picked it based on what was a good fit for me, my activity level, what I was planning to use it for, ya know, all that important stuff, shrug.

My poor bike has been so neglected for so long though, lol, I haven’t ridden it in I don’t know how many years, eek! All that money spent and I barely use it, lame. I was considering selling it this year so I could buy a paddle for dragon boating instead of using the paddles at the club buuuuut I figured at least give biking a shot before selling her…yes, my bike is a her, deal with it. ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol oh, and no, she doesn’t have a name, I’m not a complete freak, eesh.

Well, it was soooo much fun today! Such a great experience! I biked to the seabus and while waiting for the seabus started talking with another girl who had her bike with her, we were talking about biking trails, helmet vs non helmet wearing, all kinds of biking talk, who knew having a bike with you made you someone people were more willing to talk to? Weird. Well, we were getting along quite well so we decided to ride the seawall together. Normally I hate exercising with other people (unless it’s in a class, like my boxing, or training with the boating team) so part of me was a bit ‘aw man, now I won’t be able to listen to my music while biking, sigh’ but part of me was all ‘hey, someone to bike with, less chance of me getting on the wrong path now’ lol. I warned her that this was my first time biking in years and there was a good chance at some point I’d be exhausted and need to stop or at least slow down or possibly walk the bike for a bit, she was all cool with that and said she’d only been biking a short time too so she might have the same trouble as she hadn’t done the seawall yet – talk about a great match! What are the odds of that? ๐Ÿ™‚

I am proud to say we didn’t have to stop at all! There are parts of the path you have to dismount and walk the bikes so we were off them then cause we had to be, and during one of those walking sections she needed to check her phone cause she was waiting for a call so we ended up pausing for a minute or so and well, ok, the view was amazing so once we paused to take pics…crap, ok, fine, we stopped a couple times I guess, damn! But we weren’t stopping due to exhaustion or being unable to go on, we stopped uber briefly twice and really, I don’t feel those pauses negatively impacted our results, so there! ๐Ÿ˜› lol

While biking I have a tendency to just go, I stand on the pedals a decent amount to help absorb shock when going over bumps or curbs etc, it’s just reflex, it’s how I always used to bike. I think I’m gonna hafta be more careful with that from now on cause I am now regretting that, sigh. My knees! I feel so old complaining about them but seriously man, they hurt soooo badly! I’ve been going up and downstairs doing laundry and each time I have to get up from the chair, and then go on the stairs, and then sit again I want to cry. I have arthritis in my left knee from the injury I had all those years ago so I’m used to that one acting up and I sorta expected it would protest while I was biking but it didn’t so I went hard the entire time, didn’t really pamper my knees at all…guess the knees need pampering while biking, although how the heck I do that I have no idea!

I’m actually tempted to put a heating pad on my knees they hurt that much but I’m not sure if that will actually help…I know I am having trouble sleeping cause of the pain, hence my writing this post at 3:30am…and I’m kinda concerned cause I have plans tomorrow that involve a lot of hill walking and since just going down my hallway is painful and making me limp I’m not so sure how I’ll do on the hills, guess I’ll find out in the morning! lol

I know I am bitching, and yeah my knees do really hurt, but I think it was worth it. ๐Ÿ™‚ I made a new friend (we swapped info and plan to go biking again), I got outdoor exercise (something I don’t get often since I hide from the sun a lot lol), I got to use my bike instead of neglecting it and I had fun. Really, what more could a person ask for from a Saturday? ๐Ÿ˜€

view of the seawall in one of the pedestrian only sections


pretty sunset


just one more awesome view from today


Outside Inspiration #TNDO

19 May

Sometimes you need to be inspired or motivated by something other than what you tell yourself, you need someone to look up to, someone to follow, some idea or mission or poster or something! Sure you should always have a nice long list of reasons for why you are working your ass off to get in shape but sometimes your reasons just seem to fade from your head and on those days you need something else to help you remember why you are on this journey.

When I have those days I watch this video:

Giavanni Ruffin’s How Bad Do You Want It?

It is a freakin amazing video! There is a voice over done by Eric Thomas and he is giving such an inspirational message that I don’t know how anybody can listen without immediately feeling like they can do anything, they can fight, they can push hard, they can win! The message, combined with the video makes me want to get up and get my lazy butt to the gym every single time! ๐Ÿ™‚

The back story (simplified) is this, Giavanni played one year of high school football and wanted to go professional so he went to a community college but didn’t get a lot of play so he switched schools the next year and was played on, hmm, I think it’s called First String? or Wave, or something like that…basically, he got to play more. He rocked it at school but he had some kind of legal trouble or something and it messed up his chances to go in to the NFL right after college. So, he has been working his ass off to get into the NFL and he made this video to help inspire people and to show what he is doing. Well holy crap, I don’t think anybody has ever done more in the fight for their goal. The video went viral and had so many responses he started a website and he now has a motto, it’s Take No Days Off, or TNDO. I LOVE it! He’s also got some brains goin on in that head of his cause he started a clothing line for TNDO and now he has quite the following. He does all the work himself in regards to taking the orders, getting them sorted and shipped out, he’s not just slacking now that everyone knows who he is. I totally want a shirt to wear to the gym but can’t afford to buy one yet…not that they are over priced, just that I am way poor lol ๐Ÿ˜›

He also started doing vlogs since people kept wanting updates on what is going on with him and his football, he is considered a free agent and signed oddly enough with a Canadian Football Team, *rolls eyes*, why that poor boy is coming up here to our football league I don’t understand, we don’t pay nearly as much! but hey, yah for the Hamilton team which has signed him cause they definitely got a guy who will push hard everyday and not be out worked by any other player.

So what is it about Giavanni and this video that is so inspiring? Is it the fact that a super yummy looking guy is shown in a video working out so lots of women are oggling him? (hey, don’t go rolling your eyes! ladies like eye candy just as much as men! and he is hawt! lol) Is it the message in the voice over? Is it that a normal everyday person is letting us see how badly he wants to reach his goal and is letting us in on how much he is willing to fight for it?…I think that last one might be closest.

Sure, most people have goals, they want to achieve things, but most people never let on just how badly they want to achieve those goals, and once they get them (if they get them) they act like it was a given they would get there and it’s no big deal. That’s how our society works, we’re not allowed to show how much something means to us, we’re all supposed to be super cool and slightlyย disdainfulย and bored cause we have everything. I am guilty of this. There are lots of times when I want something so badly I can barely breath because of it, the wanting takes over my every thought, my reason for doing everything, the goal is all I can think about, all I can dream about, all I care about. But do I let on how much I want it? Nope, never. In fact, the more I want something the less I talk about it. In my experience if I mention how much I want something, it’s a given I won’t get it. So now I keep my mouth shut. The added benefit to keeping my mouth shut is that if I don’t get what it is I was trying for I don’t have to deal with people constantly seeing if I am ok, I can grieve alone, in private. The downside is that people seem to think I don’t really care, don’t really have goals or plans, they think I am drifting when in reality I am fighting for what I want but silently.

But Giavanni, he made his goal as public as possible, it’s all over youtube, it’s all over his website that he started, he talks about it in documentaries he has filmed, he goes to local schools and talks to the students there to inspire them and openly talks about his story…it is like this man isn’t worried he will not succeed and have people all over the world know he didn’t make it. He is confident, he is fighting for what he wants, he won’t give up…and by him showing the world that he won’t give up on his dream, a dream that only a small percentage of people will ever achieve, it makes me think that I can reach my goal too, That is Giavanni’s magic, in his videos he talks about how you can reach your goals, not just him, he encourages his viewers to do whatever it is that they can, he reminds you it can be done. He isn’t jaded yet, he isn’t bitter, he isn’t saying that life dealt him a crap deal so he can’t get what he wants. He is saying he takes responsibility for his past actions and this is what he is doing to rectify the situation and he will get to the NFL. And ya know what? I believe him. ๐Ÿ™‚

The Cat Says…

17 May

Anybody who lives with an animal that doesn’t reside in a cage (soooo a dog, cat or free range bunny?) knows that those furry little (or big!) animals are very good at letting their humans know what they want, when they want it…they are also quite good at conveying their disappointments in us and at times even let us know when we have screwed something up by such monumental standards even they can’t over look it. lol

This cat I live with has me so whipped it’s ridonkulous! If he wasn’t so cute I’d be distraught at how quickly I went from autonomous human to cat slave! Even as I type this my fingers strain to reach the keyboard cause the cat is resting on the entire front of my body and if I stop cuddling him for longer then 15 seconds or so I get a paw patting my face that has claws slightly unsheathed, a not so gentle reminder that he has decided it is cuddling time and I am not getting with the program…obviously I like to live dangerously since I am still typing lol. ๐Ÿ˜‰

There is one way this cat is not like other cats I know, he doesn’t like human food. Now, I don’t mean he doesn’t come meowing at me when I’m cooking something but that he’ll sneak it off my plate if I’m not careful, nope, he doesn’t even look at me with big sad eyes while I’m eating in the hopes I’ll share…he just doesn’t care. I can put a plate with freshly cooked salmon on the table and walk away and it is perfectly safe cause dude, this little guy just don’t care for it! How great is that? I of course keep tempting him with random human foods just to see if he’ll change his mind but so far, nuthin…Then! I opened a can of tuna. How clichรฉ right? A cat that likes tuna…who knew he’d end up having such pedestrian tastes. ๐Ÿ˜›

He’s a smart little guy though and he knows the only food I eat out of a can is tuna so as soon as he sees the can opener in my hand he is all over me like white on rice! Climbing up my legs, meowing like he’s been starved for days and this is his only chance for food until the next millenium, just a general adorable cat freak out. Of course, being the dutiful slave I am I always serve him some of the tuna first. Heck, I even serve him, then put a little more off to the side so when he is done I can give him seconds lol. Everyone likes seconds right? ๐Ÿ˜‰

Well, today was the first time that his second helping was apparently not enough, he felt he deserved more, oh dear. I totally would have caved but I had already mixed the Miracle Whip, avocado and diced tomato in to the tuna so it was a no-go for him. I may be willing to give him treats but I’m not gonna give him something that’ll make him sick, what kind of person do you take me for? *raised eyebrow*

I explained to him there was no more…yes, I talk to the cat, deal with it lol ๐Ÿ˜› and continued making my meal. Well, he came over when I was sitting down and took interest in the plate so I let him have a look so he’d see I wasn’t eating straight tuna and therefore being a jackass by not sharing. Well! The look he gave me! He took one look at my plate then looked up at me like “what the hell did you do to the tuna? I can smell it but can’t see it! Stupid human!” then he started sulking and stalked away from me, obviously so disappointed in my food error he couldn’t even look at me, let alone be in the same room as me.

So what did I do to this tuna that made it such a disappointment to the cat but yummy for my taste buds? It’s something my friend KL came up with and I love it! See, I keep wanting to like tuna but every time I’d try it I’d gag, ugh, it’s so healthy but so disgusting! KL though fixed thatย dilemma! You take a can of tuna, drain it (duh, lol), add chopped onion or celery or whatever you like, add Miracle Whip (or Mayo if that’s your dealio) and mix till it is a consistency you like. I add a lot of Miracle Whip to help hide the tuna taste. Then you cut open an avocado, dice it and put that on the tuna, mix it all up so the avocado is spread evenly around but not complete mush, then you dice up some tomato and put that on top and voila! Edible tuna! ๐Ÿ™‚ Easy peasy huh? It’s especially great if you are low carb like me *pout* and can’t have bread on any kind of regular basis thereby taking away the opportunity for a tuna sandwich…or any sandwich really…

I like this dish so much I eat it about once a week, Mmm! Now that summer is here it’s even better cause days/evenings when the apartment seems especially warm or I am especially lazy, or rushed, it can be put together super fast, doesn’t require a lot of effort or the turning on of the oven and like I already said, tastes great…well, if you put lots of stuff in there to hide the tuna flavour cause yeah, I’m still not really sold on tuna unless I can disguise it really well. ๐Ÿ˜›

Just don’t let your cat see what you did to the tuna or you may spend the rest of the day making it up to them…like I am right now…

my owner, all tucked in and ready for bed, he’s glaring at me cause I had the audacity to read before going to sleep so the light was still on and bothering him…not even kidding!

Talk (Gym) Story

15 May

In Hawaii there is a slang called pidgin, to say ‘Talk Story’ means: to talk about something or chat.ย So, I have basterdized it a little for the use of my title today and I am gonna talk story about the gym…basically todays post is gonna be funny gym stories that I have accumulated over the past however many months. ๐Ÿ™‚

They are all true, they all happened to me or at least in my viewing and they all had the end result of me rolling my eyes and laughing…sometimes while it was happening I would be more annoyed or irritated but afterwards that would always turn in to humour. ย ๐Ÿ™‚ Gotta keep it light right?

(1) Back when I would use a cardio machine for 30 minutes at a time I would usually hop on to the eliptical machine, randomly pick one of the preset programs and go to town. I had chosen a program that was basically all high ramp work which means my ass and upper back thighs were being worked the most. The eliptical was at the end of a row of cardio machines and directly to the left were two leg weight machines that if a person were to use would put their eyes level with my ass…do you see where this is going? ย ๐Ÿ˜‰ So there I am on my eliptical working my butt off and this guy sits down at one of those leg weight machines, at first he doesn’t do anything but I figured he’s taking a quick breather before starting that exercise so no biggy and I basically ignored him. But a little bit later it dawned on me that he’s still not using the machine, he’s just sitting there, what the hell is he doing? Risking life and limb (have you ever tried turning to look at something while going as fast as you can on an eliptical that is at a high ramp incline? it’s dangerous! lol) I turned slightly to look over at him and he is sitting there with his eyes staring at my ass with the same rapt attention a toddler gives the Telletubbies! What the hell?!?! Uh, ever hear ofย subtlety? He sat and oggled my ass the entire 30 minutes! I didn’t know if I should feel slightly dirty or flattered lol.

(2) I was in the free weight area and was using the 20lb dumbbells, I was in between sets so I had them resting on the bench I had claimed and was standing by the bench. Just as I went to go pick them back up this guy comes over, puts his hands on the dumbbells and says “women should never use over 8lb dumbbells” and he actually tried to take them away! I grabbed them and said “if I can lift them I can use them” and tugged them back, lol. I couldn’t believe it, how rude is that?! Not like he needed them, there were plenty of other 20lb dumbbells around so I guess he was doing it just to be a jerk? *raised eyebrow*

(3) The other week I was on the treadmill, just warming up in preparation for my interval run, I had my ear buds in but my music wasn’t turned on yet. There was a girl on the treadmill next to mine, she was going at a pace that could best be described as a stroll on a flat incline and talking on her phone. Now picture a valley girl voice for this: “yeah, so, I don’t get it, I go to the gym like all the time and I’m always doing cardio but I never lose any weight!” After saying that comment to whomever she was talking to on the phone she then picked up her Snickers chocolate bar and took a nice big bite! bahahahaha! walking super slow, while on the phone, while eating a chocolate bar…yeah, I wonder why you aren’t losing any weight…not! ๐Ÿ˜‰

(4) I’m in the free weight area (I spend a lot of time there lol) and it was fairly busy so all three benches were being used (one by me) and many of the weight machines that are also in that room were in use. I am the only girl (as usual) and all the guys there that day were the big beefy guys. Then this kid comes in with his Grandfather, he is maybe 13 years old or so and has that rangy scrawny look boys have around that age. The Grandfather is trying to teach him proper form for when he is using the free weights so he tells the kid to grab some 5lb dumbbells and copy what he is doing, the kid gets all “what? I’m not using 5lb dumbbells, I’m stronger than that!” and grabs the freakin 20lb dumbbells. So Grandfather shows him a bicep curl and the kid goes to do the same and has to put the force of his entire body behind it so he can get that dumbbell lifted up to his shoulder, his entire body! lol Grandfather tries to explain it is too heavy but the kid looks at me and says “if she’s using 20lb dumbbells than so can I!”. I’m like wtf? I’m not using them for bicep curls moron, they are for my back muscles, eesh. So I smirked a bit but refrained from laughing…oh, I should point out Iย subtlyย paused my iPod so I could hear their convo cause I could tell this was gonna be good teehee. Then the Grandfather tries showing him some other moves and again the kid insists on using weights way too heavy so he’s looking like a fool but he thinks he’s looking awesome, he’s got this “I’m the man” attitude going on, too funny! Grandfather then takes him to the stretching/ab area and shows him how to sit on one of those huge exercise balls they use in yoga so that his body is braced/stabilized and then he does sit ups. The kid goes to do it and is trying to show off how awesome his abs are so he’s going super fast but not actually stabilizing at all so he’s rolling all over the place and I think his legs got a better workout then his abs. *rolls eyes* The entire time I, and all the guys working out, keep taking subtle glances over at this spectacle cause it’s just too funny to miss but at the same time nobody wants to get caught staring right? Well, Grandfather decides they are done and they go to leave, the kid walks past me then comes back, stands just to the side and behind me, faces the mirror, lifts his shirt with his left hand and with his right he rubs his abs and says “oh yeah” while nodding, then he goes strutting outta there like he’s king of the world! I couldn’t help it, I laughed right out loud, I tried to make it sound like a cough but I didn’t succeed all that well lol. The guys working out were all smirking or quietly chuckling but I was full out laughing, how could I not?! ย ๐Ÿ˜›

(5) This is another one where I was kind of annoyed but it’s still kinda flattering/funny. I was in the stretching/ab area of the weight room and shockingly enough working on my abs and then stretching, weird huh? lol. I had finished my mat work and had stood up with my feet together and I kept my hands on the floor (I’m kinda flexible, shrug), so basically, my butt is in the air, but whatever, it’s a good stretch! From that stretch I always put my legs wide, then pivot so I can do a deep lunge (I don’t know the actual name of the stretch…look at the image below…it’s like that except I take it a step further and my forearms are resting on the ground beside the foot that is in the forward position…) so I do that stretch for both sides and then kinda chill with my legs together and my hands resting on the ground before rolling back up to standing. For some reason, this one day I looked up while in the middle of these stretches and three guys all at one time whipped their heads around super fast cause I guess they had all been staring and they thought they were caught when I looked up! lol I didn’t realize anyone was watching me, I just decided to look up, lol, totally oblivious am I with some stuff. It kinda annoyed me cause I don’t oggle the guys when they are working out so I feel they shouldn’t oggle me when I am working out…buuuuut, it’s also kinda nice to know guys want to oggle you, lol. ๐Ÿ˜‰

put the forearms resting on the ground beside the foot that is in front and that is the stretch I am talking about…it feels really good! ๐Ÿ™‚

I have a couple more but this post is already long enough so maybe I’ll do a part two later on. ย ๐Ÿ™‚

It Will Hurt

14 May

I am thinking of turning this in to a poster to stick on my wall so I see it everyday and remind myself everyday of what is required of me to attain my goals.

Some days you don’t want the hurt, you don’t want to make the healthy decisions, you don’t want to take the time or sacrifice anything. Those are the days you need to push harder, reach farther, go faster, be stronger. Those are the days that test you, that test your limits, your commitment, your drive, your passion, your true wanting of your goal.

Anybody can say they want to lose weight, they want to get fit, they want to be thin, or strong, or pretty, or flexible…but the difference between those people who say they want it and those who truly want it is what you do on that day you feel your willpower is non-existent, when you are tired, sore, hungry, bored, wanting to go out and have more of a social life then you have been having.

What do you do? Do you still exercise? Do you still eat healthy? Or do you say you’ll get back on track tomorrow, do you give yourself permission to cheat? Slack on going to the gym? Talk yourself out of the actions needed to reach your goal and instead indulge in self-sabotaging habits that will actually knock you back a step?

You are already in pain, you have already hurt, you have already pushed yourself, you have already turned down extra treats, you have already made sacrifices…don’t take away from all that you have already done by doing something that will stop or even worse reverse some of the good you have accomplished.

Be strong! Find something to inspire you, something to remind you of all you have done and all you have left to do. Be the person you want to look up to, make yourself proud.

…geez, I sound like one of those self help gurus…the power of reading that poster I tell ya! lol ๐Ÿ˜›

A Day Of Recovery

13 May

Dragon Boat season has been happening for 4 weeks now…hmm, I should clarify, for my team it’s been happening for 4 weeks now, other teams get on the water much sooner. I wish my team got on the water sooner but we’re not quite as competitive as some of the other teams, shrug, whatcha gonna do?

Anyways, we’ve been training for 4 weeks and yesterday was our first Race Regatta, The Spring Sprint! ๐Ÿ˜€ Any race day is a good race day in my opinion but yesterday was just perfect! Sun was shining but it wasn’t too hot, there were lots of people competing but not so many you got lost in the crowd, the atmosphere was happy and encouraging. That’s the thing about Dragon Boaters, on the water during a race you want to beat the other team no matter what, it is waaaaar! But as soon as the race is over everyone is friendly and nice and we all get along, shrug. It’s a weirdย phenomenonย that I really enjoy.

So yesterday was all about getting up early, competing in races (three of them to be exact) and being stuck outside for approximately 8 hours straight. I’m all good with the getting up early part, and I love the competing part, but the being outside in sunlight for an extended period of time part I’m not so good with.

I’m a natural redhead, we are not meant to be in the sunlight for anything over, oh, say, 5 seconds at a time? You think I’m joking but I’m not. When I walk to the gym it takes me about 3 minutes, I consider being exposed to sunlight for the 3 minute walk there and the 3 minute walk home excessive, it’s just too much sun!

Friends laugh at me all the time and make comments about how I am a vampire but hey, come talk to me when we are in our 50’s and I still have good skin and you are all wrinkled and sun spotted and having to go to the doctors every week cause of yet another early warning sign of cancer appearing on your skin. You know your tan isn’t healthy and yet you do it? pffft. I’d rather guard my natural paleness the way a fat kid guards the last slice of cake at a birthday party then attempt to match everyone else in my age bracket by cooking my skin either in natural sunlight or in a tanning bed. *shudder*

How do I deal with having to be outside for such a long period of time? Long sleeves, and pants, and runners, and a heck of a lot of sunscreen on my neck, hands and face. What? You think I forget about my hands and neck? Ladies, that is where our skin starts showing its age fastest! You can cover up all sorts of skin flaws on your face with makeup but hands and necks? Much trickier! So take care of them now so they continue to look good later…that’s my motto anyways. ๐Ÿ™‚ ย Sadly, I forgot my hat (rookie mistake! ack!) so my scalp got a bit burned where my hair part is, suckfest. That tends to happen once a year no matter how careful I am so hopefully this means I won’t burn it again later in the summer *crosses fingers*

Despite all my carefulness I still end up having to take a day of recovery the day after being outside for so long. I don’t know how people can be outside all day and then spend the next day doing all their normal day to day stuff. Being outside that long in the sun exhausts me! I always end up sleeping longer the next day, wanting to nap somewhere during the day, having no energy, less mental focus, I am just all worn out. I hate it. It’s like being in sunlight drains me…hmm, maybe I am some weird vampire hybrid, like Blade! That’d be kinda cool… ๐Ÿ˜‰

So yeah, today I didn’t do much, slept in ridiculously late (even by my standards!), watched some tv, did some stuff online, resisted the urge to nap since I slept so late, waited till after sundown to go grocery shopping, did some more online stuff and am now blogging before going to bed. Ridiculously lazy day (again, even by my standards) but nothing could have gotten me out of my bed any earlier and I didn’t have the energy or the desire to do anything else all day. Heck, I even let my hair air dry instead of blow drying it, that’s how lazy I was! *hangs head inย embarrassment*

By tomorrow I will be back to normal, so lazy but not this lazy lol which is good cause I have Dragon Boat training in the evening, gotta be on top of my game for that! ๐Ÿ™‚

The Next Level

12 May

You always hear talk about going to “the next level” like it’s this big amazing goal we should all have and if you don’t at some point reach it well, then you suck lol. There is so much pressure when you say you are losing weight, pressure to be perfect everyday, pressure to have an amazing story super fast that can wow people, pressure to make it to that next level…whatever that level might be.

To be honest, I didn’t think I had a next level, I have my level, the level of H. ๐Ÿ˜‰ lol I didn’t see what was wrong with that. I’m not an athlete, I’m not training to compete in some huge iron man competition, I’m not trying to prove to others how strong I am or how skinny I can get (well, ok, except for my agent, I have to prove to her how skinny I can get since she’s ordered me to lose another 20lbs but that’s a whole different can of worms lol). I’m not trying to find some elusive next level, I like my level. *stomps foot*

The only problem with my level is that it wasn’t getting me anywhere, stupid level, grr! ๐Ÿ˜‰ I didn’t know it but I wasn’t exercising effectively so the time I spent in the gym was not as productive as it could have been, in some ways it was even counter productive! Lame! Also, the food I was eating wasn’t giving me the needed fuel to accomplish what I wanted *rolls eyes* Oy!

Well, once I learned the eating plan and exercise plan I am now on I was taught more about levels, ah geez, it’s like you can’t get away from them. On this exercise plan you can’t just coast on one level, every week you are pushing to get better, by better I mean stronger, faster, more flexible. My endurance should be increasing, my muscle strength should be increasing, the types of weight work I do should be getting changed…let’s just say there are a lot of freakin levels to keep track of!

Even though I hate cardio I have been preferring my cardio days because at least on those days I for sure know what I am doing and am not so worried about fucking something up…by something I mean me! lol ๐Ÿ˜› ย I know I’ve mentioned my cardio before but just as a recap here is what I do:

20 minutes of running on a treadmill, set the treadmill to an incline of 1 – 2 to stimulate being outside (I started at 1 and am now at 2), jog for 3 minutes (I start at a fast walk for 30 seconds, then go to a light jog for a minute then a slightly faster jog for the remainder of that 3 minutes), then you sprint like a crazy person for 30 seconds, then you jog for 1.5 minutes, then you sprint like a crazy person for 30 seconds, then you jog for 1.5 minutes…tell me you see the pattern here and I don’t have to keep writing those same two sentences over an over? You sprint a total of 8 times, after the 8th sprint you cool down, sooooooo back to a light jog and eventually down to a walk. Now, for pacing, my jogging started out at a speed of 4 (sorry, I’m blanking if the machine measures in miles or km…) and my sprints started out at 8, but! you don’t do all your sprints at just one speed, oh no no no no no, cause see, that would be not pushing to the next level! You do a couple sprints at 8, then do some at 8.5 then maybe your 8th sprint is a 9…something like that. Every cardio day you have to at least match the sprint speeds you did the last cardio day but what you are really supposed to do is get better, so maybe swap out an 8 for an 8.5 or an 8.5 for a 9, get the idea?

Now that you see where I started let me tell ya where I’ve been stuck at. And boy do I mean stuck! I now do my light jog at 5.5 or 6 and my sprints are divided into 4 sprints at a speed of 9 and 4 sprints at a speed of 9.5…and that is it. I’ve been there forever! Every time I have a cardio day I swear I am gonna increase one of those sprints, either do 5 at 9.5 or maybe swap out a 9.5 for a 10…10 is like an elusive goal for me. It’s so freakin close but juuuust far enough away I can’t do it yet, so annoying! Well, everytime I get on that treadmill and swear I am gonna up my sprints I just can’t do it, I don’t have the stamina, the endurance, the capability, the elusive whatever the hell it is you need to get you to that next level. I was barely making it through the sprints I was already at and I knew if I tried to go at a speed of 10 I’d fall off the treadmill, I also knew if I did 5 sprints at 9.5 I’d not make it through the last one and I personally think it’s better to make it through all the sprints then have to jump to the side rails before the end of the 30 second sprint time cause your legs can’t keep going or you’re gonna fall or ya know, just expire right there from sheer over exertion. lol

Now, having said all that, I actually made it to dun-dun-dun: The Next Level!!!! *ding!ding!ding!*

My last cardio day which was Wednesday I was soooo not in the mood to be dealing with any aspect of life, let alone the working out part of it. I didn’t want to be there, I couldn’t bring myself to care, I was tired and had eaten very poorly the day before so I felt icky, I was full of excuses and reasons to not go…and yet, somehow I found myself in the gym on the treadmill…I’m still not really sure how I managed to get my butt there but right now I don’t care, I’m just glad I went. ๐Ÿ™‚

I wasn’t even planning to attempt bettering my sprints, frankly, I was prepared to be impressed if I managed my run at all lol. Well, somewhere during the third sprint I thought “meh, fuck it, might as well try doing 5 at 9.5 instead of the normal 4 at 9.5” and that is what I did. My fourth sprint was at 9.5 and so were all the rest after that. I upped my sprints! wOOt! ๐Ÿ˜€ *happy dance* While I was doing it I was a mixture of “am I actually doing this??” and “meh, I don’t care, just get it done so you can go back home and get away from people”

I think what got me over that line to My Next Level was not caring, the apathy, the complete lack of fear regarding my possible failure to succeed. Normally I am so focused when running and my brain is calculating everything my body is doing and feeling to try to figure out if I can push to the next level of sprints that I don’t just let go and try. I don’t trust my body to be able to perform at the next level, I don’t trust it to not fail. I’ve had my knee collapse under me due to over training and it took a year to be able to walk without a cane or crutches or some sort of aid, it took even longer to be able to take stairs and jog and then run, hell, I still limp sometimes from that stupid injury. I am terrified to go back to that spot, to be so injured I can’t walk, to be that helpless again. Combine that fear with the more normal fear of just not accomplishing what I decide to attempt and without my even realizing it I had crippled my ability to get to My Next Level.

Fear…it is such a little word for such a strong, over powering emotion. I hate that I let fear have any control over my exercising and yet, it does, it has a strong crushing grasp on my exercising because anytime I do something that strains my knee and could cause me to reinjure myself I take a half step back mentally and try to find a way to minimize the risk, but maybe the risk doesn’t always need to be minimized. Maybe my knee is already stronger then I give it credit for? Hell, it was only last summer I started being able to jog again and look at me now? I run freakin sprints! I may not have kicked fear in the teeth and made it get out of my way, but I think getting to my next level of sprints has at least helped me nudge it to the side a bit… ๐Ÿ™‚

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