Tag Archives: work

Different Mirror Different View

20 Apr
what does she really see?

what does she really see?

Sometimes I really hate mirrors, specific mirrors, meeeean mirrors! lol I don’t look the same in all mirrors and I am never sure if it is my perception of myself that is different or the actual reflection in the mirror…I’m leaning towards the actual reflection with a hint of bias on my side coming in to play, but just a hint! ๐Ÿ˜‰

A good example of this is a mirror at work, I pass by this mirror multiple times a shift and I never, and I really mean Never look good in this mirror. I think this mirror hates me! *pout* I always look shorter and fatter in this mirror then I think I should. And yes, sigh, I am aware that this mirror could be showing me the truth and how I think I look is twisted and wrong but I’m pretty sure I generally think of myself as looking worse then how I actually look so why would things be the opposite with this one mirror? I have a similar style of mirror at home and I generally look well, not good cause I don’t think I can be classified that high on the looks category yet, but semi decent in it…depending on the outfit and time of day that is! lol Don’t look at me funny, you know you look thinner before you’ve had breakfast and taller in the morning then in the evening. I always look better in my mirror when I am getting ready to go out then when I have just come home lol ๐Ÿ˜›

Since my mirror at home and this mirror at work are so similar I’m not sure if I am delusional about thinking I look ok in my mirror or if the mirror at work is defective in some way…like those mirrors at fair grounds that are warped, maybe this mirror is slightly warped? Is that possible?…hmm…I’m gonna lean towards the answer being yes ๐Ÿ˜‰

There was a whole entire wall of mirrors a couple weeks back that practically gave me a panic attack about the size of my ass, lol, it’s kind of funny now but at the time I could hardly stop looking at my reflection in horror and wondering what the hell happened to give me such a booty! Seriously, those mirrors, I had some definite booty action happenin, and while it (thankfully!) looked perky and well rounded I couldn’t believe it was so, well, large! Not like it is easy to see your own ass so I kept wondering if that is what it really looks like and if so why hadn’t anybody ever told me?? My friend who was also there, when I pointed out the reflection in the mirror, seemed shocked at how big it looked and said that those mirrors mess with everyone so not to worry about it, they don’t tell the truth. I am trying really hard to take her word on that since she spends a lot of time in that room but I still can’t get that image out of my head. *rolls eyes*

Isn’t it amazing how many different reflective surfaces there are that we encounter in a day, and how differently they show us what we look like? I expect mirrors to be the most honest reflection of myself, after all, it is a mirror, but you can get great shots of yourself in glass walls, shadows, fronts of ovens/microwaves, bus stop shelters, phone screens…all over really. So, with so many options to choose from, and with most of those options giving different results, which do we trust? Any of them? Some of them? The ones we like the results of best? The ones we hate the results of most? I dunno. shrug. Guess we just have to look at the reflection shown and use some kind of hopefully not too biased judging skills to decide if what we see is right or not…piece of cake! Said no one ever! ๐Ÿ˜‰

What I need to work on is not letting that evil mirror at work ruin my mojo for the day once I have seen myself in it. I’ll go to work in a cute dress, thinking I look ok, I’ll get compliments on the dress by enough people I figure it must look good, then I pass that stupid mirror and poof! all of a sudden I am shorter and rounder and wondering why all those people are lying to me about how I look in the dress. And yes, I am aware of how lame that is thanks. ๐Ÿ˜› But we are taught to believe what we see right? So, how can I not believe what I see in that mirror? Well, I haven’t figured out how to not believe that mirror but you can bet your last nickel I will figure it out! And if I ever figure out the secret on how to not believe the reflection of a mean mirror I’ll pass it on to you cause maybe I am not the only one being fooled by these things…?

 

Work, Bugs, Audition, Hot Jeans and Cancelled Plans

1 Sep

Aaaahhh, what a nice calm day, yeah right! A roller coaster of thoughts and feelings…just the way I like it! ๐Ÿ˜€

Let’s start at the beginning…work! I sat with IF (yes, that is initials not the word if lol) cause she has been training me for the new job I am being bumped up to. She totally rocks. So much fun to sit with and she’s teaching me well. ๐Ÿ™‚ Not like I wanna be doing this job or working in this industry forever but it’s ok for now. Work was all good today, I am picking up the new stuff fairly quickly and am starting to feel more comfortable about the whole thing. It’s much easier getting through the work day when you aren’t floundering around trying to figure out what the hell is going on. lol.

However, at lunch time the day went a tad bit icky. I was eating my 1 cup of cherries, these are the oh so fresh cherries I bought at the farmer’s market this past sunday. One of them tasted a bit funny, no biggy right? It happens. shrug. But then I looked down in to the container and saw something on one of the cherries, a little white fleck. Now, this is weird cause I wash all my fruit uber carefully so I wondered what it could be. I took a closer look and was worried, the white fleck looked like it might be a bug, but no, that can’t be, I wash all my fruit. I poked at it with my fingernail and it moved, MOVED!!!! It was a little white bug! Some kind of miniature white worm – least that’s what it looked like. Talk about disgusting!!! So I do what any sane person who finds bugs in their fruit does…I pushed the fruit to the side and decided to eat my blackberries instead. They are also from the farmer’s market so I was looking at them with a stink eye and it turns out I had reason. sigh. There was another little white baby worm thing in the container with the blackberries! Now this is more then I can handle…I dumped them all in to the compost bin and drank some tea to try to get rid of the idea I swallowed bugs. What if I missed some? What if they got in my mouth? What if they were still in my mouth worming around my teeth? Or worse! What if they are in my stomach, or crawling up my esophagus?? Oh the horrible ideas that are flying through my head because of those two worms. The whole rest of the work day I kept flashing back to those stupid bugs. Ugh. *sick face*

See, this is why I like pesticides…stupid farmer’s market! I am never buying food from there again. From now on only produce that has been sprayed with various chemicals to kill all those nasty creepy crawly things! I’d rather wash off chemicals then wash off “natural whatever” and find out some stupid bugs made it through. *shudder*

The bugs helped keep my mind off my nervousness for my audition. I haven’t beenย to one in a while cause of all theย agent drama that happened. This is for a non-union job in a short film so no agent needed to get the audition. I was sooooo nervous! Mostly cause I was worried I’d screw up something. lol. The guy who ran the room was great. ๐Ÿ™‚ Totally put me at ease, he was a great reader and I had so much fun! Auditions totally get my adrenaline flying, it’s better then anything out there for an all natural high. A person isn’t living unless they are in front of a camera. ๐Ÿ˜€ Anyways, the whole thing went great, great experience, lots of fun, felt really good about what I did. And now I will put it away cause once the auditions over you hafta drop it otherwise you’ll over think everything you did and drive yourself nuts. lol.

Total bonus though, I wore a sweet pair of jeans and looked totally hot in them! Least, I felt like I looked hot in them. I reminded myself before going in front of the camera thatย I have lost 9 lbs which means I will look better in front of the camera then I did previously. The confidence I got from my outfit was great. ๐Ÿ˜€ I can’t wait till I have lost even more, imagine how much better I will feel about myself then?

On to the cancelled plans, a friend of mine bought a tanning studio and I thought today was the grand re-opening but I had the day wrong so I am going tomorrow after work instead. That works out better for me anyways since by the time the audition was over I was hungry and ready to go home and make dinner. One thing about auditions, when they are over I am always ravenous, I think cause of the adrenaline that gets pumping. It feels like the equivalent of exercising…but in a good way!

So there we go, today started with normal work stuff, then the realization I was getting better and feeling good about it, then being disgusted because of the bugs, switch from that to confidence cause of how I looked once I changed and did my makeup for the audition, then I was running high and felt like I could rule the world and that the “acting thing” will definitly work out for me, after that I was a tad relieved cause I didn’t want to postpone dinner, lol, always ruled by my stomach. ๐Ÿ˜› Now I am exhausted and on my way to bed to recover from the ups and downs of my day.

A quick run down of my food from today:

3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 cup soup = 2 points

1 whole wheat bagel = 4 points

2 triangles Light Laughing Cow cheese = 1 point

snap peas = 0 points

1 medium slush = 2 points

85 grams Alexia Yam fries = 3 points

100 grams beefless tips = 2 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 tsp becel oil = 1 point

1 package Thinsations Choc covered pretzels = 2 points

I used 23 points today. One over my allowed daily points but that’s what flex points are for. lol. ๐Ÿ˜€ I made the decision to eat the pretzels even though I knew it’d put me over. I could have eaten popcorn for 1 point but it was too much food, I wanted a small snack that was 1 point but didn’t have any so the pretzels it was. I figured better this time around to go one over then one under. Let’s hope the gamble is right!

Tomorrow! Tomorrow! Tomorrow!…wait, focus on today!

31 Aug

Alrighty so I am all excited for tomorrow but I have to think about today…least for the length of this post. lol. Today was a normal day at work; I am getting trained for a new position so I spent the day sitting with friends/co-workers while trying to cram new work info in to my head…always fun. ๐Ÿ˜›

Some of us at work had plans to go out for lunch so we went to a food court, we don’t have time to go and sit at a restaurant somewhere so we always just grab food and come back. I, being the exciting person that I am when eating out, got a salad…shocking isn’t it? teehee. I didn’t go to the Salad Loop this time, mostly cause that food court didn’t have one, I went to a place that is the exact same build your own salad kinda thing but it cost more and had less options. Ah well, what are ya gonna do?

The salad was really good, I’ll give the place that much credit at least but it cost me a little over $10, for a salad! I can’t remember everything I put on it but here’s some of the toppings: shredded carrots, hard boiled egg, kernel corn, chick peas, shredded white cheese, sunflower seeds, random raw veggies, one asparagus (wanted to see if I would like it – which, btw, I didn’t), small amount of cottage cheese, 1/4 of small potato, artificial crab, small amount of yam…um, there might have been more but I can’t remember. All of this was on top of spinach and iceberg lettuce leaves. I didn’t have a proper serving of any of the toppings, I put tiny amounts of everything on the salad so for my points I counted the egg (2 points) and then approximated the rest. So, if something I had was portioned that it would have been only 0.25 of a point then I add that quarter to the quarter point I used for a different topping and eventually add enough things up to a point. Seems to make sense to me. ๐Ÿ˜€

The salad was so filling that when I got home from work I didn’t want dinner, weirdness. ๐Ÿ˜› I killed some time doing other things then eventually ate – I had enough points left over for dinner I got to have hot dogs, yum! I didn’t have hot dog buns so I used bread but other then that it was a normal hot dog dinner. A nice little treat. ๐Ÿ™‚

Now, for tomorrow…I have an audition! Don’t get too excited for me, I still don’t have an agent and if I get a part it won’t pay me but it’ll be great experience. It’s only the first stage of auditions, this particular project takes the first audition then shows all the videos of all the auditions to those making the casting decisions and they pick from the videos. They might contact people in for call backs (a follow up audition) or they may just pick from the videos. We shall see! ๐Ÿ˜€

Today I ate:

2 weetabix = 2 point

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2 strawberries = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 salad = 5 points

1 light babybell = 1 point

2 hot dogs

ย ย ย  – 2 light hot dog weiners = 2 points

ย ย ย  – 2 pieces of bread = 2 points

ย ย ย  – 2 slices kraft cheese slices = 2 points

1 Smart Ones cake desesert = 4 points

Total points used 21. I will probably not go searching for anything to eat for that last point, I am not hungry and don’t have any one point snacks left, sigh. I know I am s’posed to eat all my points but when you factor in such a huge salad for lunch and lots of fluids throughout the entire day there just isn’t enough room left for anymore food. lol.

Wish me luck for tomorrow, well actually wish that I break a leg!ย ๐Ÿ˜›

Temptation Already? Oh dear…

24 Jun

Alrighty, so it is day three and despite the piece of bday cake placed before me at work I did not cheat! wOOt! ๐Ÿ˜€ One of the girls at work had her bday, duh, and so one of the other girls brought this huge wonderful looking cake. Home made, coconut dusted, buttercream icing, Mmm! She uses Splenda tho instead of sugar and when I learned Splenda has arsenic in it well, it made me not want to eat it. Not thatย I ate it before so it’s not like a big sacrifice or hardship to not include it in my food choices. And old roomie, she is henceforth dubbed R, used it and I am sorry but anything that fizzles and has some crazy way noticeable chemical reaction when you put it in your tea is just weird. *shudder*

I digress, so there was this cake, and even tho it was a splenda cake and not a sugar cake I normally would have eaten my piece and wished I could’ve had more, I mean hello? It’s cake! I kept myself very far away from the cake for a good chunk of the day in the hopes if I couldn’t see it I wouldn’t lust after it. I also had a part of my brain trying to find a way I could justify eating a slice; if there is one thing I can do it is find a way to make something that in unhealthy sound healthy. Here is an example; chocolate is good for you because it comes from a bean and beans are good for us. See? Easy! ๐Ÿ™‚ What’s scary is I can easily make myself believe stuff like that, oy! So impressionable and easy to trick am I!

I digressed again, oops. So the cake, I avoided the cake thinking that was the easiest way to not cheat and then what happened? X (another girl at work) cut the cake into enough pieces for everyone and brought a piece to my desk, I was busy on the phone and didn’t notice so when I turned around there it was! It’s like it was stalking me! I wondered if it crawled it’s way over to me knowing I was the one person who didn’t want it – similar to how a cat sits on the lap of the one person in the room who doesn’t like cats – but someone mentioned X brought it so my paranoia went away. Once back on sane ground I put my slice of cake to the far reaches of my desk and then blocked my view of it with various tall items. For most of the rest of the day I was ok, didn’t even think about it…ok, that is a lie, I could smell the icing and kept thinking how I was hungry and one little slice wouldn’t kill me…that’s where this blog came in and saved me, phew, I didn’t want to have to explain/justify aka. make an excuse for why I ate it, I can’t believe the blog actually helped prevent me from eating a slice of cake. Go blog go! ๐Ÿ™‚

I knowย on weight watchers you get what are called flex points, for anyone who doesn’t know those are extra points that are allotted to you on a weekly basis instead of daily so that you can fit those little treats into your eating plan. You don’t have to use them but you can if you need/want to. My mom uses hers every evening to fit in her night time glass of wine. I am trying my best to not use them, I think I will get faster results if I don’t indulge in those little extras which is one reason I didn’t want the cake. Another reason is that at work this coming Friday we are having “Fiesta Friday”ย  – I kid you not. It is s’posed to help with team building or something like that. *rolls eyes* We all have to bring in various ingredients (we picked from a list) and on Friday we will have a Mexican Lunch complete with a pinata…I wonder if they will actually allow us some kind of weapon to hit the pinata with, don’t know that I’d allow our group to vent our irritation with work matters like that! I can just see it now, candy flying everywhere while we all fight over the stick so we can beat up on something…mental health day anybody? So, because of Friday and my knowledge of the fact I am going to be surrounded by all kinds of wonderful foods (and alcohol!) I want to save my flex points to use them that day – if I do use them at all.

I checked in my weight watchers book and a fast food taco is 3 points, not bad actually. I figure since all our toppings are fresh and we are each making our own taco I will load mine with lots of veg and a smaller portion of meat and way small portion of sour cream etc. and it may not even be 3 points. I am still going to count it as 3 just in case tho. I also plan to take a salad with me and have that with my taco so I only eat the one. This should also leave room for a small sliver of whatever kind of dessert will be there, it is a suprise what it is so who knows how many points that’ll be!

Hmm, this post was supposed to be about water –ย  I didn’t realize I’d blab so long about the cake etc. Mmm cake…*shakes head* ok, enough of that!

Water…we all drink it, probably when we don’t even think we are drinking it since it’s in pretty much everything. We all know it is important to drink a certain amount of it although that amount seems to shift from 6 glasses to 8 glasses (per day) to whatever feels right, to a glass every 2 hours to drinking water whenever you feel hungry because you are more then likely dehydrated. So many different rules! It’s just water! I used to drink almost exclusively Diet Coke, tea, chai latte…um, I think that is pretty much it. There is water in all of those but they don’t really count as a glass of water each, too bad really. I have stopped drinking pop…well, on a daily basis, I still have some if I go to a movie, and I also stopped Chai Lattes (I got mine from Starbucks) because they are ridiculously high in points, 6 points for a grande!!! Thats practically a meal! I shall never give up tea, I was raised on the stuff, I will go to my grave crading a cup of it against my cold body. Since tea doesn’t have calories and I only put the tiniest amount of milk in it I figure this is ok. I realized though that if I get rid of my pop and my latte, where does that leave me? Only tea? Sure I love the stuff but there are limits…so water came in to my life. I was not happy to have it enter my life, it is boring, flat, tasteless, a big yawn really. I looked at it like medicine, I had to take it cause it’s good for me and will make me better…wait, that isn’t right, I wasn’t sick, there in was a problem. It’s easy to suffer through medicine when you know it’s only something you have to swallow for a week or two but this water thing is now for life? Oh geez, the thought is enough to make me want to quit and dive in to a swimming pool of diet coke with chai lattes spaced all around the edge so I can grab one easily. But ok, gotta suck it up, just make the change and maybe it won’t be so bad…right? Well, kinda. I used to chug a glass of water right before bed every night not realizing unti I was drinking it how thirsty I was – I am fairly certain that screams of “dehydrated!”, the past two nights I have about 1/3 of the glass and am perfectly fine. Throughout my day at work I set little goals, one glass of water every two hours. The first day I didn’t make it, lol, I think I got one glass within my first 4 hours at work and half a glass over the rest of the day, pretty pathetic really. And no, once I get home I don’t drink water so any hope of reaching my 6-8 glasses per day rests at the work place. Yesterday wasn’t as hard and today I drank about 4 glasses, practically a record! I know it isn’t my 6-8 but maybe drinking that much water is something that has to be worked up to, a gradual thing. I mean, if I chugged 8 glasses of water today I’d probably feel like I was floating, be peeing every 20 minutes and feel bloated. This way, by the time I get to 8 glasses of water I will be used to drinking larger quantities of the stuff and my body will be happy for the top up instead of feeling abused. That logic sound good to anybody else?

Also, we shouldn’t forget all the water our bodies absorb from our food. Our intestines are wonderful icky things, they suck everything possible out of everything we let pass through them – including water. If you noticed how much fruit I am eating now, and veggies, all those contain a large amount of water so not only am I drinking the stuff I am eating it too! It’s a good way to trick yourself into getting moreย  water throughout the day, just eat it. ๐Ÿ™‚

Here is my food list for the day:

3/4 cup Honey Nut Cheerios = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

tea = 0 points

1 cup green grapes = 1 point

1 nectarine = 1 point

1 orange = 1 point

1/2 cup broccoli and cheese pasta = 4 points

1 salad = o points

1 tbls salad dressing = 1 point

1 cup Maple Baked Beans = 4 points

1 piece Safeway sandwich bread = 2 points

tea = 0 points

Total used today = 19 <— you might think this is good, being under your points, but in weight watchers is isn’t good, the points are an indication of how much fat, calories and fibre you are getting and being lower then your allotted points means your not eating enough and your body may go in to starvation mode. sigh. I still have 6 points and am not hungry (miracle!) and it’s late and I don’t feel like eating so I will eat something small but high in points like a cookie or two andย 1/2 cup of 1% milk to use up those points quickly.