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I Caved

30 May

I caved, but not food wise, so no worries! ๐Ÿ™‚ Remember yesterday when I said how I lost my next food tracker, well, not lost but “put away somewhere safe” and was unable to locate? Yeah, still unable to locate it and it was driving me nuts – not the lost part but the not being able to write down what I had eaten and having to tally numbers in my head part. I don’t trust my brain to be able to keep accurate track of what I eat and how many points the food is worth so while not having a specific book to keep track of my food in may seem like a stupid little thing it was actually causing me a bit of stress and worry about screwing up not only today but throughout the week.

Sooooo, I caved, and when I was out today I bought some new little notebooks. They came in a set of 4, are a variety of colours and are made of bamboo…yeah, bamboo, which I believe makes them more eco-friendly but I can’t swear to that. I suppose I could google it but, shrug, I’m not that bothered about it lol. I always try to pick notebooks that are fun colours or patterns on the front because who are we kidding? Writing foods that we have eaten and what the points for those foods are is not the most fun thing in the world, and frankly, the pages of the book can be slightly depressing when over-eating happens and weight maintains or goes up, so at least the front is always entertaining in some way. ๐Ÿ˜›

My day was not just buying little notebooks, how boring would that be?! I had a job interview this afternoon which I totally rocked but now I have a dilemna about that. sigh.

The interview was for a placement agency, I figured they’d like me, and it’d take them a couple weeks or so to find me a job so that’d give me lots of time to work on my acting stuff but they loved me and have a brand new job placement that they think I’d be perfect for and are going to talk to the contact at the company tomorrow afternoon about me and my apparent greatness. *rolls eyes* I mean yeah, that’s awesome right? Who gets such a great result from their first interview when they start job hunting? Nobody! You’re not supposed to get such a good result until at least the third interview you go on, it’s like an unwritten rule but I guess these people don’t know about that rule lol.

I am not ungrateful for this result, don’t think that, I understand that good paying jobs are hard to find and it’s great that this agency thinks so highly of me but…I’m not meant to live my working life in an office, the idea of it is so depressing…no offence to those of you in offices.

I am meant to act – this is the only thing about myself I know with absolute certainty. I don’t believe that whole “everyone has one thing they are great at and are meant to do” because if you believe that and then look at society, well, think of all those millions of people who are not doing the thing they are apparently meant to do. Or are people meant to be spending their lives working in offices? sitting in cubicles? being micro managed by people who got upper management jobs by being excellent ass kissers? always working in retail? picking up garbage? what about all those peope who accidentally end up in a career path and stick with it because it pays well enough and they don’t think they’ll get something better? how is that finding the thing you are meant to do?

Now, I am not trying to offend any people who do any of those jobs I mentioned above, I know lots of people who work in offices etc and are perfectly happy with their jobs/careers but that’s just not for me, I am not happy with my life if a good portion of it is spent working at a job that is not acting. Sounds over dramatic huh? shrug. I don’t think with most aspects of life I am over dramatic, and in this instance I don’t feel like I am being over dramatic, just truthful to who I am. But to others it probably sounds over dramatic, ah well. lol.

But yeah, so back to the acting, that is what I am meant to do – it is just unfortunate that many (take that to mean all) agents first look at your body size/shape and then look at your face and then look at your talent. *shakes head* I understand why, but I still think it is a screwy system where your talent and ability to act is the last thing looked at. I have managed to lose enough weight that I can finally go agent hunting again (I had an agent but she went mia and really, she wasn’t good anyways so no big loss but I need a new one now, sigh) but in order to agent hunt you need a list of things already taken care of.ย  One of those things in a Demo Reel, this is a 6 minute video of 2 seperate scenes, each scene is approx 3 minutes where you can showcase your acting ability. This lets the agent see how you look on camera, how well you act, it helps them to see what kind of auditions they might send you out for. While your headshot will get you in the door the demo reel is what will keep them from booting you back out again – you need a kick ass totally up to date amazing demo reel.

These things don’t come cheap and they need a lot of prep time, the time to work on my demo reel was sorely lacking while I was working full time so I have managed to get excited about being unemployed because it would give me a couple of weeks to get my scenes sorted, work on them, get them filmed and have my demo reel. Then I was going to use the rest of my out-of-work time to do the actual agent hunting part and go to what I am hoping will be a plentifull amount of agent interviews. lol.

But now I had this great interview and I am worried the agency will contact me sooner then what I want telling me they got me a job – a fairly great job if you’re not me and wanting to earn your living acting…

For all my craziness I have a strong streak of practicality (I blame it on being a Capricorn and my parents raising me to be responsible lol) So, if they contact me with a job I don’t know that I will be able to say no because I know that I need a steady income to pay my bills etc but if I take another full time job so soon how will I ever get my demo reel done and be able to get a new agent???

Do you see the dilemna? Do I hope for the job or do I hope for not getting the job? I want the job so I have money coming in, I don’t want the job because I want the time I need to focus on my acting. Ack!

I think at this point the only thing I can do is not think about it…I will wait and see what happens and while waiting to see what happens I will work hard to memorize lines and work on my character and book my time slot to film the demo reel and I’ll cross my fingers that nothing gets in the way of my acting…

Sorry this post had next to nothing about weight loss, a quick fyi, I ate my 20 points and only my 20 points today, yah, didn’t exercise even a tiny bit, oops, lol, didn’t eat anything new or exciting so don’t feel jipped I’m not putting a food list today, I’ll get back to my normal formatting tomorrow. ๐Ÿ™‚

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2 Responses to “I Caved”

  1. Dacia June 1, 2011 at 11:38 am #

    I am torn here: part of me (the rational side)wants to say you need to take that job if it’s offered. The job market is tough and you don’t know how long it could be before you get another interview/offer. The other part of me (the free-spirited side) says no, you have to commit yourself to following your dream. You should make your acting career priority one and try to find a job like waitressing or dog walking that will provide you more flexibility and time to focus on the demo and auditions and agent hunting. I am a Capricorn too so I see your dilemma. But I am also stuck in a crap office job I hate and wish daily I had made different choices in my life. So, my honest opinion- follow your dreams! Good luck to you in whatever path you choose!

    • shrinkingwmn June 2, 2011 at 10:45 pm #

      hahaha, omg, your brain and my brain are following the same thought process, too funny. ๐Ÿ˜› must be a capricorn thing. ๐Ÿ™‚ I’m still torn about which way to go. The placement agency is working to get me a first stage interview – I am hoping it will take a while cause I think the company will want minimum 3 people to interview so they have people to compare to each other – it’s a little breathing room at least before possibly being locked up in an office again. I don’t know how people spend their whole working lives in offices – just the thought of going back to one makes me shudder and get a bit sad. ugh. For now I am working hard on lines for my two scenes for my demo reel, if I can at least get that filmed and out to agents before I start being responsible again I should be ok…maybe…

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