Archive | December, 2011

High Hopes

30 Dec

I started this trip with high hopes that I would actually post on a semi-consistent basis since I managed to post on my first full day here…obviously I got derailed. 😛

This post is going to be quick, and not all detail-ey (like my normal posts where I basically don’t shut up) because it is 1:40am and I have to be up at 8:15am to get washed, dressed, groomed and fed so I can go shopping. Any of you who are thinking ‘whatever it’s just a silly day of shopping’, well, first of all it’s only a morning of shopping and second, no it’s not just a silly day of shopping, you must be a boy. 😉

Shopping can be many things, it can be fun, it can be business like, it can be rushed, it can be pleasurable, it can be relaxing, it can be stressful, it can be an outting that you don’t want to end, it can be torture that feels like it will never end. Tomorrow is going to be a shopping trip with a close friend and we are hitting up all our favourite stores – so basically, I am going to one of my most favourite places in the world (WEM) and I get to hang there while shopping the Boxing Week sales with my friend JF, can’t get much better then that. 😀 The only sad part is she has kids (that’s not the sad part!) and she can only get a sitter for a couple hours so instead of a loooong drawn out shopping trip we will have to settle for a more condensed trip, but hey, we’re practically professional shoppers, we’ll make it work! lol

My eating hasn’t been all that great, I sorta try but I’m not tracking so mostly I’m fake-tracking in my head and I am well aware I am not remembering to count even half the goodies that end up in my mouth – damn Christmas goodies, how you taunt meeeee! 😉

However, everyday since Christmas Eve I have managed some sort of physical activity. This is my most active trip home since I moved away! Dec 24th and 25th I went for walks, nothing too strenuous but I felt better for having done at least some activity. Dec 26th I went to a Rec Centre where I can drop-in for only $6, I did an hour and a half of strenuous cardio and some weights (and of course stretching) and felt a-frickin-mazing for it! Dec 27th I walked an indoor track with my mom, did a couple miles on that. Dec 28th was the drop-in at the rec centre again, I was only able to do an hour of strenuous cardio that time due to time constraints but I figured an hour was better then nothing. 🙂 Dec 29th was not quite as impressive, I went ten-pin bowling lol, hey! activity is activity!

I am not tricking myself into thinking this activity is going to help me shed any pounds, it may (if I am freakishly lucky) help me to at least maintain…or stay close to what I started off with…which really, at this point, is all I can hope for lol.

I have lots that has happened so far this trip and can’t wait to blog about it but seriously people, I gotta go get some sleep so shopping tomorrow is fun and I’m not yawning through it lol.

Here’s a quick (not complete) list of things to look forward to:

– My first Weight Watcher meeting

– My switching to the new Weight Watcher program, how and why

– My eyeballs were paralyzed (not even kidding on this one)

– The 24hr stomach flu I want but can’t seem to catch

I’m sure there is more, I just can’t think of it right now…too much sugar has muddled my brain lol 😛

I’m Being Frozen To Death

20 Dec

I may not survive the next two weeks, it’s just too cold for my poor body to deal with. As I type this I am staring mournfully at my empty tea cup, I held off drinking the tea as long as I could so I’d have the hot cup to hold but I so badly wanted the hot liquid inside me I of course caved and downed the tea. So now my tongue is a bit singed, my hands are blocks of ice and I have a delicate shivering taking over my body in what I suspect is going to be a permanent manner.

I am not a person meant for winter. I’m sorry to break this to my international readers but just because I was born and raised in Canada and am a proud Canadian this does not mean I like snow, ice, slush, cold temperatures or any of the other winter type conditions we deal with for over half the year. Brr!!! Give me tropical weather anyday!…no seriously, can somebody pay for me to go somewhere tropical so I can thaw out? 😉

The only plus side to dealing with this whole freezing to death thing is that I will die surrounded by my more hardy friends and family, ya know, those who didn’t move away and can still handle the winter weather without wanting to break down in tears. *rolls eyes*

What makes this whole thing worse is…it’s not even that frickin cold!!! Compared to where I live now it is, and it’s a different type of cold (don’t mock me, that actually matters! lol) and the longer I am away from here the less I can handle the cold. I could barely handle it when I did live here, so having even more trouble handling it, well, it sucks. 😛 But global warming is soooo in effect cause the weather that this city is having is nothing compared to what winter weather is normally like…it’s usually way worse…which is why I packed long underwear lol.

I can’t decide if this is going to be beneficial to my weight loss or not…on the one hand I am constantly shivering so that might help me to burn some extra calories. On the other hand I find I am constantly wanting to eat something, not out of hunger but out of an instinctive need to put on more body fat to help me survive the cold. Hey man, I didn’t come up with animal instincts, I am just driven by them…to a point lol. I’m drinking lots of tea in the hopes that will help me get warm, instead of snacking away like a crazed barbarian…cause ya know all those crazed barbarians totally had access to Christmas baking. 😉

On the food front, I had the yummiest dinner tonight, my mom made meatloaf and it is one of my fave dishes of hers. Yeah I know, meatloaf? I personally think meatloaf gets a lot of undeserved grief, my mom’s is great and I was so happy when I found out that is what she made for dinner. 😀 Heck, I’m already looking forward to the meatloaf sandwich I am hoping to have tomorrow for lunch. Mmm! It was a nice healthy meal, I had the meatloaf, veggies and two baby potatoes. Look at that, food groups! wOOt! lol

I have decided for this trip that while yes there are a lot of events and occaisions that I’d normally pig out at I don’t have to go crazy at every one of them. I have my birthday, then Christmas, then New Years and I gotta decide which of those events I want to splurge at and which to be more careful at. And really, even when I do splurge at one of those occaisions I can still splurge carefully thereby not derailing my weight loss…well, not completely derailing it lol, I’m aiming for maintaining while on this trip.

I think I should be able to get through the Christmas and New Years season without gaining weight, don’t you? If I make responsible choices and pay attention to what I put in my mouth that’ll go a long way to not gaining and I’m even hoping to get in some exercise while I’m at it, no guarantees on that though (due to access to facilities and my schedule, not due to laziness which admit it, some of you were thinking 😛 )

Course, by midway through this trip I may be saying “screw it, bring on the hot chocolate and cookies!” but for now I am optomistic I can keep a leash on my hand-to-cookie-to-mouth behaviour. 😀



I Should Be Packing

19 Dec

I fly out tonight, headed back to my family and friends for the Christmas holidays and I soooo should be packing…instead I am typing this post, checking my facebook page, watching a movie and lounging on the couch lol. My poor mom would be freaking out if she was here and could see. She’s one of those organized people who starts sorting the stuff that is going to be packed days and days and days in advance and would have been all but done with the packing yesterday. Whereas I only got my suitcase out of the closet a couple hours ago…sometimes the apple not only falls far away from the tree it also rolls quite a distance lol 😀

I always figure it’ll all work out in the end so why freak out about it? shrug.

I had intended to go to the gym today, I haven’t been in an uber long time and I am feeling soft and flabby as a result but I was up stupid early after only getting about 4 hours of sleep to do an errand and when I got home to change for the gym I “accidentally” ended up back in bed lol. I was soooo tired I figured a little nap couldn’t hurt, right? Well, wrong. I woke up with the nastiest headache, ugh, so I’ve been doing stuff around the apartment but at a slower pace then normal cause I have this overwhelming urge to rip my head off. Stupid head. 😦

I got to try a new food today tho, yah for new food! I have no idea what the nutritional info is as it was bought for me and is a freshly made item so it doesn’t come with a list of ingredients or nutritional info, shrug.

It is called Chicken Roti. Ever had it? It’s a huuuuge wrap filled with chicken (duh), potatoes, some other veggies, and currey spices. YUM! It took forever to get it warm in the oven cause it’s massive and it just wasn’t heating through but I waited it out and it was worth it. I am not able to finish it all and I’m sad cause it’s so tasty. I had intended to cut it in half, freeze half and heat up the other half but I was told there was a currey inside and I thought that might mean it was runny and if I cut it in half to warm it up I thought it might make a huge mess. Turns out I was wrong, it’s not runny at all so I could have done that, sigh. Now I’m wondering if I can freeze it or will I risk poisoning myself via the chicken because I heated it up and then froze it and then heated it up again? I dunno…the chicken was already cooked so I think that means that’s ok but really, what do I know? lol I’ll freeze it and hope for the best! 🙂

I guess I should keep this short as I have to wrap some presents, finish the packing, shower and clean the apartment before being ready for my ride – thank goodness my flight isn’t until night time, if it had been any earlier in the day I think there’d be serious doubt as to me getting there on time lol. 😛

Oh! I’ll attempt to keep blogging on a semi-regular basis but it’s always hard when I’m in AB cause my parents don’t have wifi so to get online I have to be physically plugged in to the modem (weird right?) and the modem they have only has one jack so only one computer can be online at a time (even weirder huh?). So combine that with being pulled in twenty different directions at a time while in AB and that doesn’t leave much time for blogging, heck, I barely have time to check my email! But I’ll do my best! 🙂

Sugar Overload

17 Dec

*groan* oooohhhhh my poor tummy, and taste buds, and fat cells *double groan*

The past couple days I have been Christmas baking, not for me, it’s all to give away but that doesn’t mean I haven’t nibbled myself into a sugar coma. It doesn’t help that my roomie also did some baking so I’ve been nibbling on her baking as well as my own. Now, nibbling on her baking makes sense to me but nibbling on my own? Weirdness! I never eat my own baking! But I dunno, this year, I have been nibbling. *shakes head*

So my roomie made Gingerbread cookies, I made: 2 coconut cakes (both with cream cheese icing), chocolate brownies with frosting, coconut cookies, meringue kisses…um, I think that’s it, like that isn’t enough? 😉 lol

So I’ve nibbled on the brownies, the coconut cookies, the first coconut cake and for sure the meringue kisses. The meringues are my absolute fave thing evah! My mom only ever made them at Christmas time so even though I am an adult and could make them whenever I want I only make them around Christmas time, makes them more of a treat this way I think. 🙂

But yeah, so yesterday I ate a bowl of cereal to get my day started and then all I ate after that was nibbles on various baking treats while I continued to keep on baking. Then today I was making icing and cake decorating, oh and brownie decorating lol, so I again started the day with a bowl of cereal and then ended up nibbling on various baked goods while I frosted and iced my way through the kitchen lol.

I did eventually eat “real food” somewhere around 8pm, I had sushi – something as far away from baked goodies as possible lol. I wasn’t actually hungry but I knew I had to eat something that wasn’t a cookie, brownie or meringue and I couldn’t face stepping back in my kitchen and cooking something so take-out it was!

The sushi was yummy, I got a phili roll and a yam roll and a veggie spring roll. Not the best choices but it’s a new sushi place (er, new to me, not new restaurant) so I wanted to stick with dishes I know how they should taste so that I could judge the yummy level of the food against other Japanese restaurants I’ve been to.  Make sense?

I really liked the food, the look of the restaurant, the people there, the menu options and how close the place is to me so I’m for sure gonna go back. 🙂 After I placed my order I noticed hand written signs on the walls advertising house specialty rolls that were all quite unique sounding, and since I love trying new foods I definitely want to go back and try some of them…well, ok, all of them lol. They have one that has a frozen filling that supposedly melts in your mouth! How awesome sounding is that?! 😀

In case you are wondering about the distribution of the baking, one cake was for my roomie and her friends for a Christmas party, the other cake was for my old landlord and his family, they also got some cookies, brownies and meringues (they are the nicest people ever and we still keep in touch), the rest of the cookies, brownies and meringues are being split between friends and my current landlady as presents. I’m fairly poor and can’t afford to get everybody awesome presents so I am supplementing my lame ass purchased presents with baked items cause well, as boastful as this sounds my baking rocks, shrug, and people love it and they always want it anyways so why not give it as presents?

I’m kinda worried people will feel I skimped out cause I didn’t buy stuff but I just can’t afford to buy everyone stuff…as much fun as giving presents can be isn’t it weird how it can also be quite stressful?

I’m now on a no-sugar kick cause seriously, I am so over sugared that the idea of eating anything sweet makes me feel icky inside 😛 I’m not gonna do some cleanse or anything, I’m not that freakin out about all the sugar I’ve been eating, but I am gonna stop eating the baking and any other goodies I come across for the next couple days or so…huh, I just realized that timeline puts me back to eating sugar type items right when I get back to AB lol, geez, you’d think I’d planned it lol 😉

Well, I Tried, Kinda…

13 Dec

So after my not very fun last post I decided I need to stop screwing around and get with the program again, I don’t mean get with the Weight Watchers program specifically, more of getting with the Healthy Lifestyle I am trying to create for myself. Course, that being said yesterday I under ate again, *rolls eyes*, more out of habit then anything else I think…

Today I made an actual meal, a proper dinner, with food groups an everything! I haven’t done that in ages! I had a skinless boneless chicken breast, corn and green beans and cut up pan fried (with one of those healthy sprays not butter) sweet potato. See? Food groups! 😀

I know stomachs don’t actually shrink when we stop eating as much as we used to, they just get used to being filled to only a certain amount and apparently my tummy is not used to being filled by a proper dinner amount of food anymore cause I couldn’t finish my dinner. Oops. I ate most of it but some of the veggies ended up in the fridge, along with some of the chicken…I managed to eat all the sweet potato, shocking huh? 😉 lol

This might seem like a great step towards eating normal, healthy portions again buuuuuut that’s pretty much all I have eaten today. I had part of a pear for breakfast but it tasted funny so I stopped eating it, that’s totally my fault as it’s been in the fridge quite a while lol. After the pear I had 3 peach halves from a can of fruit I opened the other day, which, really, is like eating 1.5 peaches so that’s pretty good, right? Maybe? Sorta? teehee Um, anything else? Oh yeah, I had a spoon with a bit of light peanut butter on it and a bit of nutella on it, lol. Normally I would at least of put that on some bread but I have run out of bread and am contemplating not buying more since I go out of town in 6 days. I know I could put it in the freezer before I leave and that way I will have bread when I get back but I dunno, just hasn’t happened yet, shrug.

I figure eating a proper meal is a good step towards eating properly again, now I just have to manage to do that more often then not lol.

I didn’t get to the gym today but I did spend a good couple hours scouring the kitchen. See, the people who lived here before us apparently didn’t mind living in filth, ugh, and since my roomie an I are not the most on the ball people when it comes to unpacking, organizing and cleaning we are still working to make this place pretty…or at least sanitary lol. I thought she’d be a lot more “we must clean! we must clean!” cause of her daughter but nope. Of the two of us it seems like the mess here bothers me way more then her but I refuse to do all the cleaning, and organizing, and setting up in the shared rooms when it should be an equal work shared situation, in my opinion anyways.

Well, people are coming over tomorrow evening and she swore she was coming home today to do some massive cleaning in the living room etc. I figured I’d be nice and clean the kitchen…uh, I guess I should admit my car insurance guy was coming over today to give me the papers for the new year and I didn’t want every room he saw to be messy so I figured clean the kitchen and dining room areas and keep him sorta confined there and I wouldn’t be so embarassed lol.

I digress, oops. The point of all this is that sure I didn’t get to the gym but I was moving the fridge and the stove and on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, cleaning every surface, moving stuff around to make the kitchen look neater, I was working not just sitting on the couch reading a book and chilling with the cat…much to the cats dismay I might add. He kept looking at me like “what the hell are you doing woman? this is our cuddle time!” lol, poor cat. I wouldn’t say I earned any kind of impressive amount of exercise points but I was slightly active, so yet another step towards getting back on track with my Healthy Lifestyle. Woohoo!

On a totally different note:

I received a comment on my blog from a girl named Amanda who is working on her doctoral dissertation, she needs volunteers to do an annonymous survey about if your partner undermines your weight loss. I followed the link she put in her comment and it seems to go to a legit page. When you’ve done the survey you can enter a draw to win $100. I don’t meet the criteria for the survey (you have to be in a current relationship for min 2 years and be on your weight loss journey for 5 consecutive weeks) but doesn’t mean some of you might not want to participate and be eligible, shrug.  Here is her link:  I kinda wish I could read the dissertation as the topic is interesting.

Where’d The Time Go?

11 Dec

No, I am not dead, missing, working full time, quitting my blog, abducted by aliens or anything else you might have come up with in the time I have been gone from my blog lol. 😀

I am just a lazy schmuk who couldn’t think of a thing to write about so I didn’t write. shrug. Nobody wants to read a post about how I slept in, went to the gym, didn’t track my food or exercise points so have no idea how I did for the day and then hung out with friends in the evening, heck, it’s my life and I’m not particularly interested in it some days lol 😛

Everyday that nothing of interest happens and I don’t post I think “tomorrow, I will for sure post tomorrow” and then tomorrow rolls around and I don’t post and I think “tomorrow” again and then all of a sudden it’s been 2 weeks and I’ve written nothing and I’m almost afraid to log back in to wordpress cause what if the people who follow me quit following me and now my blog is (metaphorically speaking) taking up space in the closet of rejected blogs that I imagine is on the wordpress server somewhere gathering dust? Depressing.

Looks like my talent for a loooong run on sentence has not been hampered by my non-writing for the past two weeks though…gee, aren’t we all glad about that? 😉 lol

I’d love to be able to tell you that something amazing, momentous, fabulous, exciting, heck, even mildly funny happened in the past little while but it has not…life has entered, not a rut buuuut a little cycle of monotony and dare I say…boredom? Which even saying that isn’t right cause I’m not really bored, just not doing anything super post worthy. I guess this is what happens when you are unemployed, can’t afford to do anything and trying to stay in as much as possible to (1) keep the cat company and (2) save money. sigh.

I haven’t been tracking, I’ve been a renegade Weight Watcher mwahaha (that’s my evil laugh, aren’t I so bad? 😉 ). I haven’t weighed in for over a month either. Oh, and while I’m being all confessional my work out routine is sooo not dependable, some weeks I go 3 times or more, other weeks I’m lucky if I go once.

Why have I stopped following all the guidelines and rules and plans? Especially when I know they work? I’m not totally sure…I mean, I kinda know but I’m sure there is more going on then I am aware of. I find it takes the passage of time and the ability to look back on a period of my life that gives me the best insight in to figuring out what the heck was going on with me at that point. Too bad I can’t fast-forward, find out, then rewind back to here and have the knowledge lol. Time travel anyone?

I’m not eating properly, I know this, and yet I don’t track so that I can hold myself accountable and stop what I am doing with my diet. You might be thinking I’m over eating so much I’m embarassed and am fast approaching the Good Year Blimp size but you’d be wrong, I’m actually under eating…not good! In my head I know it’s not good, but, also in my head I think it’s ok. My head is screwy. lol. I shouldn’t joke, for some people this is a serious problem, I’m hoping for me it’s a temporary thing…

I don’t under eat everyday, for instance, today I over ate, great huh? If I am meeting up with friends for a meal I am eating around my daily points that day because I am ordering healthy when I go out and compensating for the restaurant food by being super duper strict the rest of the day. The exception to that would be this evening when I went to a Thai restaurant for a friends birthday dinner. I wanted to get the black cod, it sounded super healthy and yummy but was over $20 for the dish, I so can’t afford that, instead I ended up with the Pad Thai for $12, I love Pad Thai so this was not a sad swap taste-bud wise but no way in hell is that dish healthy *rolls eyes* so today I definitely over ate. erg.

But see, I under ate quite a bit for the past, oh, three or four days (and I exercised) so in my head I feel that things should somehow balance out…and yes, I know that is not how it works!

On days I under eat I don’t feel like I am being deprived so I don’t really notice that I’m not eating properly or enough food unless someone points it out…although lately, when going to bed I feel hungry so I suppose the lack of food is starting to make my stomach mad lol. I also get some perverse feeling of strength when I am hungry at night, like “look at me and my rockin willpower that I didn’t cave and eat more food” and when I am eating I am eating smaller portions and that weird perverse feeling of strength kicks in then too, like “look how awesome I am I’m not eating more then this small portion, I’m so strong when it comes to food”.  And don’t even get me started on what goes on in my head when I am exercising! *rolls eyes*

I know part of why I am not eating as much is because I so desperately wanted to be at my goal weight when I went home for Christmas, but it’s not happening. 😦 I was back in AB last summer and people were all “you look so great!” an such, which was awesome to hear but when I look in the mirror I don’t see how much I have lost, I see how much I have left to lose. I see the flaws, the flab, the non toned body, the areas I am still ashamed of, I see all of the fat. I thought by now I’d be there, I thought I’d be maintaining and not still trying to lose, I thought I’d be able to go home and show off how I look and say “hey! look! I actually did it! I got to my goal weight!” instead I will be going back looking the same as when I was there in the summer. Same clothing size, heck same clothes, same points per day allowed for food, same comment about how I’m still working to get to my goal weight and am hoping to be there soon (all said in a falsly cheerful tone to every single person I hang with cause they all ask), same me.  Aren’t I supposed to be the super improved skinny version of me by now?

I know that not eating messes up my metabolism, I know it makes it harder to lose weight. I know that compensating for this by pushing myself extra hard in the gym is not the right approach. I also know that this is what I have been doing the past couple weeks. I started the under eating cause I was sick, once I got better I kept it up and added exercise to push my body into losing faster. It’s not working. I know it’s not working cause my clothes still all fit the same and I look the same and I know that I shouldn’t of expected some great change to happen in a measly two weeks but I’m so sick of looking like this, sick of this plateau, sick of people asking me how much farther till I reach my goal and my having the same answer as last time they asked. Sick of thinking just this many more fucken pounds and I will be happy. As if reaching a certain number on the scale guarantees personal happiness? I also know that is not right.

It would appear what I know and what I deep down believe are two very different things and I don’t know how to get them to reconcile in my head. As long as I was losing weight I was able to follow the Weight Watcher plan because it was working and I could see a difference so that change of number on the scale helped me to not revert back to bad weight loss habits. Even before the move, when I was still following Weight Watcher’s properly I had been plateaued for such a long time I was massively discouraged. That plateau, combined with other things, has gotten me to a point where subconsciously I seem to be saying “screw the healthy way, take the extreme way cause at least you know in the end that’ll work whereas Weight Watcher’s has failed you”. But Weight Watcher’s didn’t fail me, I failed the program by not being able to get past the plateau, regardless of who failed who I am still stuck at this current weight and going home in 8 days looking like this.

And wow, didn’t this post get dark fast? *rolls eyes*

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