Tag Archives: under eating

I Made A Boo-Boo

3 Dec

It is totally NOT what you think! 😛 lol

I’m doing my “Lose A Pant Size By Dec 22/13” challenge, click Here to read about it, or just scroll to the top of the page and hit the Page named Nov 12/13-Dec 22/13 Challenge if you don’t know what I am yapping about.

In a nutshell, I am following a super strict eating plan (and exercising, duh lol) in an attempt to lose a pant size by Dec 22/13. I won’t go in to all the details about why etc cause I’d just be repeating what is written on the actual challenge page…just know that it is for vanity’s sake lol and it is reeeeally strict! Worth it, but strict.

Well, today I made plans to go see a movie with a friend. I was so proud, I purposefully suggested the later movie time so I would have no excuse to not exercise. No way I could run out of time in my day if I wasn’t meeting him until 8:45pm right? Right! 🙂

Thing is, I kiiiinda ran out of time, not to exercise! I went to Zumba! But to eat…oops? *cringe face* Don’t judge! It wasn’t on purpose!

I bet Cookie Monster never forgot to eat...

I bet Cookie Monster never forgot to eat…

I had a late brekkie (cause I slept in lol) then did stuff around the apartment for a while, went to Zumba, came home, made a protein shake, showered, groomed and went out. Somewhere in there I swear I intended to eat dinner, ya know, after Zumba but before going out buuuuuut it didn’t happen…

The boo-boo, if you hadn’t guessed, was that I was ridiculously under my calories for the day, especially when you factor in how many I burned while exercising. I’m already eating a small-ish amount of calories daily (1010 to be exact) but I dropped down to a number distressingly smaller than that, sigh.

So now I’m sitting here, typing away at 3 am, though the time stamp on the post won’t show that cause I always alter them before I publish a post lol, hungry, though not as hungry as I expected to be, but knowing I am not going to eat anything because I am about to go to bed. Poor tummy, it must think I hate it…

Oh, in case you were wondering, what did I do that filled in the time I should have spent cooking then eating my dinner, it was my nails. That’s right! I was doing my nails, lost track of time, then realized I didn’t have time to cook anything anymore. Some days I am such a girl lol 😛

I’m going to tell you my calories for the day, are you sitting down? Take a deep breath and try not to think too badly of me ok? I ate 506 calories, I burned 361 calories, which leaves me with a net calorie amount of…144…*braces for accusing glares and lectures*

I didn’t mean to! Honest! If I wan gonna purposefully starve myself do you think I’d be admitting it on here?! *rolls eyes*

I just know I’m gonna wake up hungry tomorrow, sigh, which will suck. Plus, all day tomorrow I will have a thought in my head that goes something like this “sure, I shouldn’t eat that, but I ate so little yesterday surely today I can splurge a little?” Horrible! It will be a horrible tempting thought that I will have to resist so as not to screw up but in the opposite direction of the way I screwed up today. Oy! lol

On that note I am going to go to bed since I have to be up early-ish, I will probably dream about food since right now, that’s pretty much all I am thinking about lol Pancakes to be specific, I am really wanting pancakes right now, which is ridiculous cause I couldn’t eat those even if I was going to eat something…maybe I’ll have them for my birthday breakfast…hmm, something to think about and possibly look forward to! lol

 

Different People Different Portions

6 Dec

I find it interesting how who I eat a meal with can affect what I think a proper portion of food is. I know that all food can be measured out and the “real” proper portion size found but that doesn’t usually happen when eating in a restaurant or at a friends place or when a friend is eating at your place…in fact, there are a lot of situations where you can’t actually measure/weigh the food so you have to eyeball it and hope you are sorta right. Usually in those instances I tend to eat less just to be on the safe side, after all, I’d rather go a bit hungry and know I didn’t eat a ridiculous amount of food then feel overly full and wonder just how many calories I consumed…but that is not how everyone approaches food.

I ate lunch out today with three friends, my credit card was very happy that it was considered a “working lunch” so one of the guys paid for everyone so he can write it off in his taxes, go taxes! lol The group of us went for sushi and there I am reading the menu, my eyes being immediately drawn to some of my favourite dishes and trying to decide what to order. My first thought was I’d get some agedashi tofu (spicy of course!), sashimi and a sushi roll. Thank god I didn’t order first! The first person to order got a mango and avocado salad, now, we all know a salad in a sushi restaurant is not like a salad in say, Original Joe’s, her salad was super duper tiny, just some slices of fruit piled on top of each other with some sprouts underneath…not my idea of a salad but oh well. Thing is, when I heard her order that and only that I was all “oh crap, I can’t order three things, I’ll look like a freakin pig!” The next person to order got two sushi rolls and some miso soup, that made me feel a bit better, least she got two things (three technically cause she got two orders of rolls but she got the same kind twice so it doesn’t feel like it should count somehow…) My turn! Big breath, I can do this, I can order without looking like a pig, right??? I got an appetizer sashimi and one sushi roll, phew, that’s not so bad, go me! 🙂 The fourth person ordered two rolls I think…so, except for the person who just got the tiny salad we all got roughly the same amount of food, and of course in the spirit of sushi we all tried each others – don’t you love that about sushi? 😀

Afterwards though it really got me thinking, some friends I know would have looked at what we each individually ordered and been appalled at the lack of food. They would have ordered 3-4 items for themselves and expected everyone else to do the same, and even then they might still order a second round of food later because to them, that is normal portion sizes.

All foods are like this, not just sushi, people have different ideas of what is a “normal” amount of food to order or cook and it can be hard when eating with someone who has a drastically different portion size in mind because either someone ends up feeling starved or someone ends up feeling obligated to eat more then they want…neither is a good spot to be in. You’d think people could just be happy with letting the others at the table eat the amount they are comfortable eating but nope, generally that doesn’t happen…why can’t that happen??? *confused face*

I can actually divide the people in my life via portion sizes ordered/eaten at restaurants. It’s kind of funny, and really indicative of what career path that person has chosen. Everyone I know who acts orders small, just like today at lunch. We are all actors, we all have to think not only what do we look like in real life but on camera and so we all tend to order small. I think actors also tend to be more cautious about what they will eat in front of other actors just because you don’t want to be judged or thought negatively about because you ate too much. Hey, it’s a visual media, it’s just how it goes, shrug. But my friends who don’t act tend to order/cook larger amounts of food. So, when I am with my non acting friends if I am not careful I tend to match how much I eat to how much they eat which in the long term? not a good way to go. In the short term though, sooooooo nice to order a pasta dish and not ask for half of it to be automatically put in a to go box and to get a salad with dressing (even if I do put it on the side lol) I love going out to eat with my friends who aren’t going to look at my plate and judge me because I ate everything on it, or who might raise their eyebrows at me because I ate carbs, or used dressing or whatever. At the same time though, some people I know push food at me and it makes it really hard. If food is pushed at me I tend to eat even less of it because I don’t like having someone trying to force me to eat an amount of food they think is right. If my stomach holds less than yours, or I am less willing to overeat at a meal or eat a meal sized portion of something that is bad for me I don’t want you demanding, forcing, cajoling me in to eating more then what I say I want. Just respect my food limits and maybe I’ll stop judging you for eating what I think is way too much food. 😛

Sorry, this turned in to a bit of a rant and I didn’t mean it to, food is just a sensitive subject with me and since I’ve been trying to get my food balance back lately I’ve been more aware of just how out of whack it got due to the influence of others. Not cool. 😦

I know some people say eat whatever you want as long as you work it off, that is a myth and not a healthy way to live. Stuffing your body is not good for your body, it over taxes your system, you store too much of the food as fat (even if you don’t look fat you can have health issues related to obesity because you are a skinny-fat person…hey, totally a real thing!) and to top it off over eating messes with the chemicals released in your brain and your energy levels and all kinds of things. I know under eating isn’t good either but that’s why I am trying to find my food balance again, I used to have it, in the old apartment, when I had my eating plan and exercise routine all worked out…I’ve really got to get back to that because this up and down way of eating I am doing right now isn’t any better for me then under eating at every meal or over eating at every meal. Man, it sucks that food can be so hard sometimes, sigh.

Well, I Tried, Kinda…

13 Dec

So after my not very fun last post I decided I need to stop screwing around and get with the program again, I don’t mean get with the Weight Watchers program specifically, more of getting with the Healthy Lifestyle I am trying to create for myself. Course, that being said yesterday I under ate again, *rolls eyes*, more out of habit then anything else I think…

Today I made an actual meal, a proper dinner, with food groups an everything! I haven’t done that in ages! I had a skinless boneless chicken breast, corn and green beans and cut up pan fried (with one of those healthy sprays not butter) sweet potato. See? Food groups! 😀

I know stomachs don’t actually shrink when we stop eating as much as we used to, they just get used to being filled to only a certain amount and apparently my tummy is not used to being filled by a proper dinner amount of food anymore cause I couldn’t finish my dinner. Oops. I ate most of it but some of the veggies ended up in the fridge, along with some of the chicken…I managed to eat all the sweet potato, shocking huh? 😉 lol

This might seem like a great step towards eating normal, healthy portions again buuuuuut that’s pretty much all I have eaten today. I had part of a pear for breakfast but it tasted funny so I stopped eating it, that’s totally my fault as it’s been in the fridge quite a while lol. After the pear I had 3 peach halves from a can of fruit I opened the other day, which, really, is like eating 1.5 peaches so that’s pretty good, right? Maybe? Sorta? teehee Um, anything else? Oh yeah, I had a spoon with a bit of light peanut butter on it and a bit of nutella on it, lol. Normally I would at least of put that on some bread but I have run out of bread and am contemplating not buying more since I go out of town in 6 days. I know I could put it in the freezer before I leave and that way I will have bread when I get back but I dunno, just hasn’t happened yet, shrug.

I figure eating a proper meal is a good step towards eating properly again, now I just have to manage to do that more often then not lol.

I didn’t get to the gym today but I did spend a good couple hours scouring the kitchen. See, the people who lived here before us apparently didn’t mind living in filth, ugh, and since my roomie an I are not the most on the ball people when it comes to unpacking, organizing and cleaning we are still working to make this place pretty…or at least sanitary lol. I thought she’d be a lot more “we must clean! we must clean!” cause of her daughter but nope. Of the two of us it seems like the mess here bothers me way more then her but I refuse to do all the cleaning, and organizing, and setting up in the shared rooms when it should be an equal work shared situation, in my opinion anyways.

Well, people are coming over tomorrow evening and she swore she was coming home today to do some massive cleaning in the living room etc. I figured I’d be nice and clean the kitchen…uh, I guess I should admit my car insurance guy was coming over today to give me the papers for the new year and I didn’t want every room he saw to be messy so I figured clean the kitchen and dining room areas and keep him sorta confined there and I wouldn’t be so embarassed lol.

I digress, oops. The point of all this is that sure I didn’t get to the gym but I was moving the fridge and the stove and on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, cleaning every surface, moving stuff around to make the kitchen look neater, I was working not just sitting on the couch reading a book and chilling with the cat…much to the cats dismay I might add. He kept looking at me like “what the hell are you doing woman? this is our cuddle time!” lol, poor cat. I wouldn’t say I earned any kind of impressive amount of exercise points but I was slightly active, so yet another step towards getting back on track with my Healthy Lifestyle. Woohoo!

On a totally different note:

I received a comment on my blog from a girl named Amanda who is working on her doctoral dissertation, she needs volunteers to do an annonymous survey about if your partner undermines your weight loss. I followed the link she put in her comment and it seems to go to a legit page. When you’ve done the survey you can enter a draw to win $100. I don’t meet the criteria for the survey (you have to be in a current relationship for min 2 years and be on your weight loss journey for 5 consecutive weeks) but doesn’t mean some of you might not want to participate and be eligible, shrug.  Here is her link:  http://tinyurl.com/Clark-Study.  I kinda wish I could read the dissertation as the topic is interesting.

Where’d The Time Go?

11 Dec

No, I am not dead, missing, working full time, quitting my blog, abducted by aliens or anything else you might have come up with in the time I have been gone from my blog lol. 😀

I am just a lazy schmuk who couldn’t think of a thing to write about so I didn’t write. shrug. Nobody wants to read a post about how I slept in, went to the gym, didn’t track my food or exercise points so have no idea how I did for the day and then hung out with friends in the evening, heck, it’s my life and I’m not particularly interested in it some days lol 😛

Everyday that nothing of interest happens and I don’t post I think “tomorrow, I will for sure post tomorrow” and then tomorrow rolls around and I don’t post and I think “tomorrow” again and then all of a sudden it’s been 2 weeks and I’ve written nothing and I’m almost afraid to log back in to wordpress cause what if the people who follow me quit following me and now my blog is (metaphorically speaking) taking up space in the closet of rejected blogs that I imagine is on the wordpress server somewhere gathering dust? Depressing.

Looks like my talent for a loooong run on sentence has not been hampered by my non-writing for the past two weeks though…gee, aren’t we all glad about that? 😉 lol

I’d love to be able to tell you that something amazing, momentous, fabulous, exciting, heck, even mildly funny happened in the past little while but it has not…life has entered, not a rut buuuut a little cycle of monotony and dare I say…boredom? Which even saying that isn’t right cause I’m not really bored, just not doing anything super post worthy. I guess this is what happens when you are unemployed, can’t afford to do anything and trying to stay in as much as possible to (1) keep the cat company and (2) save money. sigh.

I haven’t been tracking, I’ve been a renegade Weight Watcher mwahaha (that’s my evil laugh, aren’t I so bad? 😉 ). I haven’t weighed in for over a month either. Oh, and while I’m being all confessional my work out routine is sooo not dependable, some weeks I go 3 times or more, other weeks I’m lucky if I go once.

Why have I stopped following all the guidelines and rules and plans? Especially when I know they work? I’m not totally sure…I mean, I kinda know but I’m sure there is more going on then I am aware of. I find it takes the passage of time and the ability to look back on a period of my life that gives me the best insight in to figuring out what the heck was going on with me at that point. Too bad I can’t fast-forward, find out, then rewind back to here and have the knowledge lol. Time travel anyone?

I’m not eating properly, I know this, and yet I don’t track so that I can hold myself accountable and stop what I am doing with my diet. You might be thinking I’m over eating so much I’m embarassed and am fast approaching the Good Year Blimp size but you’d be wrong, I’m actually under eating…not good! In my head I know it’s not good, but, also in my head I think it’s ok. My head is screwy. lol. I shouldn’t joke, for some people this is a serious problem, I’m hoping for me it’s a temporary thing…

I don’t under eat everyday, for instance, today I over ate, great huh? If I am meeting up with friends for a meal I am eating around my daily points that day because I am ordering healthy when I go out and compensating for the restaurant food by being super duper strict the rest of the day. The exception to that would be this evening when I went to a Thai restaurant for a friends birthday dinner. I wanted to get the black cod, it sounded super healthy and yummy but was over $20 for the dish, I so can’t afford that, instead I ended up with the Pad Thai for $12, I love Pad Thai so this was not a sad swap taste-bud wise but no way in hell is that dish healthy *rolls eyes* so today I definitely over ate. erg.

But see, I under ate quite a bit for the past, oh, three or four days (and I exercised) so in my head I feel that things should somehow balance out…and yes, I know that is not how it works!

On days I under eat I don’t feel like I am being deprived so I don’t really notice that I’m not eating properly or enough food unless someone points it out…although lately, when going to bed I feel hungry so I suppose the lack of food is starting to make my stomach mad lol. I also get some perverse feeling of strength when I am hungry at night, like “look at me and my rockin willpower that I didn’t cave and eat more food” and when I am eating I am eating smaller portions and that weird perverse feeling of strength kicks in then too, like “look how awesome I am I’m not eating more then this small portion, I’m so strong when it comes to food”.  And don’t even get me started on what goes on in my head when I am exercising! *rolls eyes*

I know part of why I am not eating as much is because I so desperately wanted to be at my goal weight when I went home for Christmas, but it’s not happening. 😦 I was back in AB last summer and people were all “you look so great!” an such, which was awesome to hear but when I look in the mirror I don’t see how much I have lost, I see how much I have left to lose. I see the flaws, the flab, the non toned body, the areas I am still ashamed of, I see all of the fat. I thought by now I’d be there, I thought I’d be maintaining and not still trying to lose, I thought I’d be able to go home and show off how I look and say “hey! look! I actually did it! I got to my goal weight!” instead I will be going back looking the same as when I was there in the summer. Same clothing size, heck same clothes, same points per day allowed for food, same comment about how I’m still working to get to my goal weight and am hoping to be there soon (all said in a falsly cheerful tone to every single person I hang with cause they all ask), same me.  Aren’t I supposed to be the super improved skinny version of me by now?

I know that not eating messes up my metabolism, I know it makes it harder to lose weight. I know that compensating for this by pushing myself extra hard in the gym is not the right approach. I also know that this is what I have been doing the past couple weeks. I started the under eating cause I was sick, once I got better I kept it up and added exercise to push my body into losing faster. It’s not working. I know it’s not working cause my clothes still all fit the same and I look the same and I know that I shouldn’t of expected some great change to happen in a measly two weeks but I’m so sick of looking like this, sick of this plateau, sick of people asking me how much farther till I reach my goal and my having the same answer as last time they asked. Sick of thinking just this many more fucken pounds and I will be happy. As if reaching a certain number on the scale guarantees personal happiness? I also know that is not right.

It would appear what I know and what I deep down believe are two very different things and I don’t know how to get them to reconcile in my head. As long as I was losing weight I was able to follow the Weight Watcher plan because it was working and I could see a difference so that change of number on the scale helped me to not revert back to bad weight loss habits. Even before the move, when I was still following Weight Watcher’s properly I had been plateaued for such a long time I was massively discouraged. That plateau, combined with other things, has gotten me to a point where subconsciously I seem to be saying “screw the healthy way, take the extreme way cause at least you know in the end that’ll work whereas Weight Watcher’s has failed you”. But Weight Watcher’s didn’t fail me, I failed the program by not being able to get past the plateau, regardless of who failed who I am still stuck at this current weight and going home in 8 days looking like this.

And wow, didn’t this post get dark fast? *rolls eyes*

I’ve Been Down

8 Sep

So I’ve been a bit down in the dumps this week, which is part of the reason why I haven’t been posting – nobody wants to read unhappy posts right?

There is a saying about how you are never given more than you can handle…personally I think that’s one of the stupidest things I have ever heard. Of course we at some points in our life have more things than we can handle, but since we don’t have an option about handling everything that’s on our plates we just have to suck it up and keep going. The only other option would be to, well, either die or go crazy…neither of which are good options. The first one kinda sucks cause then everything is over (even the good stuff) and the second will leave you branded for life in a very negative way…it does not pay in today’s society to be branded crazy in any way cause that’ll follow you for life.

So what do we do when we have too much to deal with but still have to keep going? Well, I think a lot of the time some things will slide a bit and maybe you’ll drop the ball on some of the smaller things, but eventually you are able to catch up and get a handle on what is still on your list.

My list of things I am dealing with was just too much and this week sucked cause of it. I’m dealing with the new medication that isn’t working well so I’ve been sick everyday, I still don’t have a new roomie so now I’m trying to find somewhere I can move to that I can actually afford but that isn’t happening cause I’m stupidly poor, I had to borrow money from my parents which I hate having to do (you’d think by now I’d be able to take care of myself but nooOOooo not me, sigh), I’m having side effects from the new medication so on top of being sick I’m dealing with a host of new and not so lovely symptoms, the agent I met with last week decided not to sign me so I still don’t have an agent and at this point I don’t even have one whose thinking about signing me, I’m supposed to be memorizing lines for an audition I have on saturday but I’m having trouble reading due to one of the side effects from my meds (I’m way nauseous and reading makes me feel even worse), and basically, I am stressed.

Nice list huh? I know there are people out there with worse lists than me, and I know I am being a whiny git but come on already! Like it wasn’t bad enough when I was stressing about not having an agent, not having any money, not having a roomie and not being able to find a place I can afford on my own now I get to add all these stupid medical problems on top of it? I was doing ok with my list of crap ass things I had to deal with until the medical stuff got piled on top, that was the final straw that took me from stressing-but-dealing-with-it-and-keeping-a-good-mood to stressing-and-can’t-deal-and-wanting-to-give-up girl. I don’t like being the give-up-girl but some days I just have nothing to give to the world. sigh.

I don’t know how people with chronic medical problems deal with life, as soon as my meds get screwed with and I’m as sick as I would be everyday if I didn’t have my meds even the smallest thing in life becomes too much to deal with. I can’t eat cause everything (literally everything) makes me sick, I can’t sleep cause lying down makes me sick, I’m exhausted, hungry, nauseous, light-headed, dizzy and short-tempered all cause my drug plan is making me try these other pills. I still have like 3 weeks of this ahead of me, 3 weeks! Boxing almost killed me yesterday and today, I thought I was gonna hafta run out of the room yesterday and throw up cause all the motion made my stomach even worse, arg! I refused to leave though, I don’t want to make concessions to my stomach more than I already have. But because of that I totally ended up under-eating yesterday cause when I got home I was so not able to eat. Today was a bit better, we weren’t going up and down so much in class this evening so when I got home I was able to eat but I’m still 5 points away from hitting my daily points and I honestly don’t know if I can eat anything else, my stomach just can’t handle the food.

Maybe this is why I was so much slimmer when I was younger, not cause I was always working or out with friends but because I didn’t eat enough cause my stomach wouldn’t let me…hmm…not the best diet plan in the world but I guess there are worse ways to go lol 😉

So despite all the bitching I have done in this post I am actually a bit better today, I’m getting more used to the sick feeling so I’m getting better at handling it. I’m hoping I’ll actually be able to sleep tonight cause of exercising yesterday and today – I’m hoping I wore myself out enough I won’t wake up cause I am feeling sick lol. I’m going to stop whining about not having an agent and go apply to the next wave of the ones I short listed (I applied to the ones that take electronic submissions first cause it wouldn’t cost me money to email them all my stuff, now I am applying to the agencies that take paper submissions only – the post office will soon be my best friend lol) and I am going to continue to hunt for a roomie and/or a new place to live that I can afford on my own.

It’s not the best list, cause except for the agent hunting, it’s fairly non-specific, but right now it’s the best I can do cause I gotta sign off and go memorize some lines!  🙂

Weigh In Day!! :)

8 Jan

My last weigh in day of 2010 was Dec 18th – my first weigh in day of 2011 was today, Jan 8th. Today was a gooooood day! 😀

I actually lost weight over Christmas holidays…go figure! lol. 😛

Now I know the weight loss isn’t all real, I have been stupid sick with no appetite so I know I lost weight because of being sick, but still…having a good weigh in day is just…a good day! There is a high probability I will gain some of the weight back, or at least maintain, once I get better and am eating all my daily points but hey, let’s not ruin the moment with thoughts of what is to come, ok? 😛

I lost a whopping 4.8 lbs!! 😀 😀 😀 Talk about a happy dance moment on the scale this morning! teehee That puts me at a total weight loss of 26.4lbs!

While I was visiting the family over the holidays I went shopping for jeans (I was also looking for tops but failed miserably, lol) anyways, I got to buy jeans that were way way way smaller then anything I had worn in a looooong time! The new jeans are 3 sizes smaller then the largest pair of jeans that were in my closet at the beginning of this journey, 3 sizes! Holy Crap! So, these new snazzy jeans I bought I wore today when I went for lunch and shopping with a friend and I noticed I kept having to adjust them a bit, you know, pull them up a tad here and there. Mostly over what used to be my lower gut but now is like a lower mini-gut (cause it’s getting smaller, get it?) I did the pull-out-waistband-check that we all know and love/hate and the jeans are already becoming loose on me! OMG! A-frickin-mazing!

Now, again, I know that the rapid loosening of the jeans is because of the rapid almost 5 pounds weight loss due to being sick, but let’s not ruin this moment either, k?

Today was full of lots of good moments. happy sigh.

Another happy moment was when I was trying on some tops and I noticed that my waist actually indents in at the side, so, I like, have a waist…huh. I kept staring at myself in the mirror at the store because I was so fascinated by this. lol. I couldn’t afford the top that I was wearing when I noticed this (which is too bad really) but I am gonna keep an eye out in the store and see when it goes on sale…maybe I will buy it then…hell, maybe it’ll look even better on me then?!

So, overall, Christmas break didn’t kill me or my weight loss, in fact, it seemed to help it. shrug. Go fig. I now have 14.8 lbs to go before I reach the outter number of the weight range that is my goal to be at by the end of this journey – I am over halfway there…wow. I think that deserves another happy dance…

who happy dances better then Snoopy?

My Lungs Make Noises – weird…

5 Jan

Ok, when I was still at my parents I wasn’t eating all my points per day once my bronchitis started up cause I had absolutely no appetite. I liked this cause I thought “Hey, this means I will lose the weight I put on at the beginning of the vacation while eating all that amazing food!” Well, today was day 2 of being back in the real world and I am still having trouble eating, sigh. I don’t want to undereat so much my body holds on to everything and refuses to lose weight cause it’s freaking out I am gonna starve it – I just don’t have an appetite. sigh.

Today I stayed home from work, I know! Only my second day back and I called in sick, *rolls eyes* but hey, I was dealing with side effects from the drugs the doc put me on and I was quite busy trying to cough up both my lungs – I wasn’t able to deal with work as well. 😛

Did you know your lungs can make noises? I so didn’t know this…lungs can gurgle and make wet noises and they wheeze and whistle…oddness. It’s kinda entertaining in a “I wonder if I am going to drown in my own body” kind of way…

So yeah, today was spent trying to sleep, reading, watching tv and not being hungry. lol. Nice huh? I managed to eat 14.5 points (I am s’posed to eat 21) and that was by sheer force! I keep trying to think of something high in points but small in portion I could eat to use up my remaining points but all the foods like that make my stomach curdle at just the thought. I don’t want anything sweet, or salty, or well…anything.

Guess today is gonna be another low points day…maybe tomorrow will be better?

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