Tag Archives: hip pain

How I Handle Pain

26 Mar

sigh, I am that person who always thinks “it doesn’t hurt that much, I’ve hurt worse, suck it up and deal” when something hurts. I think this way for all pain, whether it is an organ that has twisted and is dying (totally happened), a bleeding finger I bashed during a dragon boat race (true story) or my hips (my current true story). I try to just, I dunno, deal, shrug.

suck it up

I don’t know if people would consider it a wise way of dealing with pain, but it’s my way. There are of course exceptions, obviously. When the pain from the dying organ got too much to deal with I went to the ER, I waited hmm, almost 24 hours before going, then had to wait 48 hours longer because the stupid doctor didn’t believe I was in pain and kept putting off doing anything to help me until I insisted. I’m still irritated about that but should probably let it go since it’s in the past… πŸ˜›

Same thing with the hips, when I could no longer walk because the right hip was in super intense pain (and well, it wouldn’t really move anymore – fyi totally awkward situation that) I went to the ER. That was way back in the beginning of January and I am still dealing with the hip issues, arg.

I got a doctor, that referred me to a specialist, who has been sending me for tests and I’m irritated with the whole thing and wanna call it quits. But then a day like today happens and I think “oh yeah, that’s why I am still going through with all these lame doctors appointments”

Yesterday I got my hips ultrasounded, weird huh? It felt weird, and I got that icky ultrasound gunk on my pants, ewwww! *pout* The guy who controlled the wand informed me that I am too young to be having hip problems (no, really?? I hadn’t realized that! *rolls eyes*), he also informed me he didn’t think he saw much of anything. Some fluid but not all that much. I was taking this as good news since the other tests I’d had (the multiple x-rays and CT scan) all showed fluid in the hip which is usually a sign of infection whiiiiich from doctor’s faces when they say that seems like it must be a bad thing….I decided that if he saw “not all that much fluid” it must be going away on its own which means I must be closer to no more hip problems. Sounds good, right?

Today however both my hips were complaining. 😦 I am not impressed. I want to say it is the ultrasounds fault but not sure if that is right or not. The x-rays and CT scan all made my hips hurt way worse than they had been already because of the painful positions they put my legs in to get various shots of my hips. For the ultrasound I just had to lay there while he dug that wand thing in to me, shrug, not that big a deal. I’d say hands down this was the easiest hip test I’ve had so far. πŸ™‚

But like I said, today my hips hurt. I can’t sit for very long because the pain just builds and builds and builds so I get up and walk and then I’m hurting because I am walking. Apparently I can’t win. Crap. Oh, and to make it worse, instead of it being just the right hip it’s both of them at the same level of pain today, stupid hips.

I got prescribed at my last specialist appointment some drugs. They are pain pills that are apparently super harsh to the stomach so they are combined with something that is supposed to help the stomach, greeeeeat. Took me forever to fill the prescription cause I don’t like taking pills, I only filled it because I thought the doc might ask if they helped at my next appointment and I wanted to truthfully be able to tell him I tried one lol. πŸ˜› While I was out today I kept kicking myself for having the pills at home because I thought if there was gonna be a day to pop one, it’d be today. When I got home however my decision about that wavered.

When I’m in pain I have a checklist of questions that goes something like this:

(1) have you hurt worse at some point? If the answer is yes, don’t take the pain pill.

(2) can you still physically function? If the answer is yes, don’t take the pain pill.

(3) does the pill have side effects you don’t wanna deal with? If the answer is yes, don’t take the pain pill.

(4) can you stay in and rest/apply heat/wallow in misery without inflicting your misery on to others? If the answer is yes, don’t take the pain pill.

You get the idea…if I can manage to avoid taking meds, I will. shrug.

So by the time I got home I was all, “dude, you’ve hurt worse, your hip is still able to move, you don’t have to do anything super impressive tonight so you can use the heating pad and try to rest, suck it up and don’t take the pills. save them for when it is really bad. don’t be a wimp!”

don't take the pills!

don’t take the pills!

Which would be how I came to be sitting here, chilling, no meds in my system, heat on my hips, and two spots of matching pain throbbing in my hip joints. Lovely.

Even if I wanted to I can’t take the pills now, you have to take them with “lots of food” according to the pharmacist and it is too late in the evening for eating, shrug, means I’ll just deal with it. I’ll be glad tomorrow I didn’t cave and take a pill today but it does make me wonder, will I ever end up taking one of these pills??

no wimps

Freaking. Out.

4 Feb

I am freaking out about three different things right now, all completely different, all on different serious-ness levels, and all messing with me, arg!

The first is on a stupid level: I seem to be a bottomless pit today, constant hunger (except for one period of time earlier this evening that I will tell you about farther in to this post), I don’t want to be eating like a crazy person today, but it seems to be a choice between eat more than I think I should be eating or feel starved. Oh and I don’t mean a little nibble “starved” but as I type this my tummy is rumbling and I am at a level of hunger that is super uncomfortable. I am at this level of hunger even though I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner aaaaand a snack three hours or so after dinner. Maybe I should have eaten more protein today, that fills a person up longer, or…what? I don’t know…something…I feel I should have done something throughout the day to prevent this constant hunger buuuut there is only so much food I am willing to eat so I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with feeling hungry. sigh.

By Mr Crocker via Deviant Art

By Mr Crocker via deviantArt

The second things I’m freaking out about is on a fun level: I signed up for the BMO Run, the options were 8km, half marathon or full marathon…I chose the 8km which I know to most will seem like a ridiculously short distance and not even worthy of a person’s time but the most I’ve ever “run” was a 5km and I didn’t run the whole thing, both times I did the 5km I did it with a friend and each time we ended up walking a good chunk of it. I’m excited because I’ve been wanting to run some sort of marathon type thing for a while now but I know I wouldn’t be able to run a half marathon let alone a full marathon cause I am sooooo not a runner lol 8km seems perfect, long enough it will be something to work towards and require me to do some training so I don’t suck on the day but not so long it kills me or I feel like a failure or terrified about not being able to complete it. Despite picking the shortest distance I am still freaking out a bit because like I said, I am not a runner, I don’t know for sure that I can actually do this, what if I suck so badly I can’t finish? That would be mortifying! Plus, I signed up for it alone, which will suck cause I’ll have no one to share the fun of the day with but I really want to try my best for this and if I suck I don’t want to be able to say it was cause the person I was with wanted to walk (or some other type of excuse), how well I do will rest solely on my shoulders…but it won’t be as much fun without a friend to share it with.

8km run bmo

The third thing I am freaking out about is kinda serious but I’m hoping I’ve blown it out of proportion: The doctor’s office called about my x-ray and CT scan results. I forgot my phone at home today, (felt like I was missing a vital piece of my body all day! lol), when I got home I checked my messages and I had one from the doctor’s office saying the doc wanted me to come in today as soon as I could to discuss the CT scan, I was to call them and they would fit me in. Um, what? Don’t they only want you to go in when it is something bad?? So, freak out part one! I called, as soon as I said my name the receptionist knew why I was calling (I’m hoping they were having a quiet day, not that she knows something bad is up and it is so horrifying it burned my name in to her memory…), I told her I forgot my phone and didn’t get her message till then and sorry but there was no way I could get there before the office closed (it was 4:40pm and they close at 5pm). She put me on hold, comes back and says the doc can stay till 6pm if I can get in before then to which I responded I am in the middle of cooking a stir fry so can’t really leave it, could I please go tomorrow? Freak out part two! She’s willing to stay late to see me?? OMG! She puts me on hold again, then comes back and asks if I am feverish (what?? weird!), I said no, so she said ok then tomorrow would be fine. A tad random don’t ya think? So now I have an appointment tomorrow at 4…crap, at 4 something, I can’t believe I forgot the time of the appointment! I’ll have to call them tomorrow to confirm, only me! lol πŸ˜› Anyways! I now have an appointment with the doc tomorrow to talk about my hip and the results of the CT scan and I am freaking out because in my world you only have to go in to discuss test results when it is bad news. 😦 I don’t wanna go. *pout* If I ignore it won’t it go away? And before you say “no it won’t” I already know that cause I am the one sitting here with hip pain which I keep trying to ignore and it keeps not going away, stupid pain. Oh, and to make it worse, the pain is now in both hips not just the right hip, what the hell is going on in there? Stupid hips. sigh.

Stupid hip bones! Grr! by Elcadia on deviantArt

Stupid hip bones! Grr! by Elcadia on deviantArt

I don’t have any idea what might be wrong, which means my brain has been flying off in 20 different directions coming up with all kinds of ridiculous things it could be, none of them are positive of course lol I was so freaked out that after I got off the phone and finished cooking my dinner I stared at it for a while cause I wasn’t hungry, the news actually messed with my appetite, nothing messes with my appetite! Least not to suppress it so ya know I’m worried when I don’t want to eat…I eventually did eat but only because I didn’t want to waste the food, not out of hunger…which is ironic considering I’ve been a bottomless pit all day…

So there we have it, I am in full freaking out mode, mostly about the doctor visit and her level of insistence at seeing me as soon as can be arranged. I keep thinking it’ll end up being nothing serious and this freaking out will be for nothing and I’ll be pissed if I get a wrinkle or white hair from this but then a little part of my brain starts with the “what if it isn’t a little thing” and I’m right back to freaking out.

I think I’ll try to concentrate on the BMO Run, least that is a fun freak out topic…

No I Wasn’t Skiing!

6 Jan

The amount of times I got asked at work today if I was using crutches because I hurt myself skiing is, well, un-countable! lol As if that is the only reason a person would be on crutches? *rolls eyes*

one of my crutches, I feel it needs a name but what to call it?

one of my crutches, I feel it needs a name but what to call it?

I also got offered in a kind of joking way the use of one of the resident’s walkers because she wasn’t going to need it for the day. Hmm, what else? It was suggested I get a wheelchair or a motorized scooter, it is now a running joke that I should move in to where I work since I am experiencing a medical problem generally had by seniors, I was given all manner of nicknames and I amused many people just by being on the crutches.

That being said I also experienced amazingly nice offers of help, people stepping in to make things easier for me, hugs, sympathy, get better wishes…so I guess all the being poked fun of was worth it for all of the nice stuff. I had multiple residents tell me that if I needed help with getting things done to call them and they would come down from their suites and give me a hand. These aren’t bored-to-tears-looking-for-something-to-do people in case you are wondering, these are busy-have-their-own-lives-but-are-so-thoughtful people that they would take time out of their day to help me.

Sometimes the simplest action or offer can really make a girl smile. πŸ™‚

Work was tricky because of (1) the crutches and (2) the hip discomfort. Notice it has been down graded from horrible horrible pain to discomfort? Yay!

The anti-inflammatory+pain pills seem to be helping a bit, they are causing oh so not lovely side effects though, which sucks. I’m constantly straddling the choice of which do I want to deal with: the hip pain and loss of mobility or the side effects? You’d think I’d be all about getting rid of the hip pain and mobility issues and screw the side effects buuuuuut they are pretty unpleasant so I’m torn…

I was late with my pill this morning and had a raging headache because of it which concerns me. If after only two days of being on these pills missing one gives me that nasty of a headache what will happen after I’ve been on them for the full length of the prescription? *worried face* Also, they are giving me a gurgling tummy which while not painful or anything is kinda weird…oh! Don’t forget to add the almost constant nausea which makes it difficult to eat so I can even take the stupid pill, sigh. There are other side effects but I’ll stop the list here lol

I’m intending to do some internet research on these pills, see what is being said about them and I may go to the walk in clinic and see a non ER doctor about them, make sure they are really the right choice for me. Not that I don’t trust that second doctor that I saw who prescribed them but, well, I don’t trust her, shrug. She didn’t seem to really care about how much pain I was in or seem at all interested or concerned about what I was going through. Maybe I am asking too much of her but the doctor I saw on the first visit definitely cared about what was going on with my hip. The second doctor seemed to think I just wanted some pills and to be let go. The moron. I really want to know why this happened, did I do something to cause it, can I prevent it from happening again, how can I speed up my recovery, stuff like that…that second doctor, she had no curiosity left which is just sad, and annoying. Plus, I really want to know what the hell is in my hip?? A calcification? An infection? A tumor? What the fuck is it?!?! It’s In. My. Hip! It’s freaking me out! Nobody said the C word, and I’m sure if there was even a hint of that it would’ve shown in my blood work (messed up white blood cell numbers an all that – thank you high school biology lol) but still, when you are told twice there is something showing on the tests and that something is in your hip well…it makes a brain wander down some not so pleasant paths…

On a lighter note my cat just stretched and fell right off the ottoman he was just moments ago passed out on lol

I’m hoping when I go to work on Friday (Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are my days off) I will be sans crutches *crosses fingers* cause they are so annoying, and attention grabbing in a way I don’t like, aaaaaand if I’m still using them it’ll mean the hip isn’t getting better as fast as I would like. So positive thoughts people! Positive thoughts! πŸ™‚

Something else that kept getting commented on was how my outlook was good, how I was in a good mood despite what was going on and how I wasn’t letting this get me down. Those comments just confuse me, lol. Even if I was in a negative head space because of what was going on I can’t let that show at work, like I’m gonna be a cranky-pants in a professional environment cause I’m hurt? Uhhhh, no! But also, it’s all about perspective. Sure this sucks, sure I don’t like it, sure I’d rather it didn’t happen but it’s not the end of the world, it’s not a death sentence, it’s not even a permanent change in lifestyle sentence. It’s a I’m-hurt-now-but-will-most-likely-get-better sentence. What’s so bad about that? The second ER visit, a guy got brought in on a back board, wearing a heavy duty neck brace, who had a skiing accident. He went flying and landed head first against a boulder. The doctor told him if he’d hit just a little bit harder or at a slightly different angle he’d be paralyzed from the neck down. He has two fractured vertebrae, is on flat bed rest for potentially months, has nerve damage that should heal (but ya never know) and his biggest movement for the next while will be getting put up to a ten degree angle so he can eat and drink. He won’t be leaving that bed (or at least the bed they transfer him to) for a long time, his life right now is permanently changed and who knows how his long term life will be affected.

My hip problem compared to that? It’s nothing. I went to a nail appointment after work today (to get my shellac polish removed), hobbling along on my crutches. That guy can’t even scratch his knee with his fingers, or sit up right, or go to work, or walk, or hug his family and friends, or go to the bathroom without a nurse helping him, or shower, or or or…I’m thinking you get my drift lol

There is always somebody who is worse off so before getting all woe-is-me think about all the things you can still do. All the things you still have. Then maybe give yourself a little hug and a pep talk and go on your merry way, but send some positive vibes out there for those who are worse off, cause they could probably use them. πŸ™‚

Hospital Visit Number 2

5 Jan

The T3 I took Thursday when I got home from the hospital knocked me out for a good chunk of Friday. I woke up long enough to call work and tell them I wasn’t going to be able to come in then passed out for another couple hours. I really needed the sleep since I’d gotten almost none the night before and was now in day 3 of constant pain. Pain is tiring after a while but when it’s strong it stops you from being able to escape via sleep which seems uber unfair to me. πŸ˜› lol

I decided to go to the hospital for 5pm because that is when parking gets cheaper lol

I got to the admitting desk, showed them my note from the doctor I saw the previous day saying I needed a CT scan, got a new wristband and was plunked in to a huge chair that lays flat if needed. They thought it would be less painful then a bed. They were wrong lol To be fair though no position was comfy so I don’t think a bed would have been any better pain wise, shrug.

another wristband. least I didn't have to change in to a gown this time!

another wristband. least I didn’t have to change in to a gown this time!

Even with the note there was some confusion about the CT scan so I had quite a wait. I took a book with me just in case I was there a long time but couldn’t focus on the words due to how much pain I was in. My brilliant idea turned out to be not so brilliant. Ah well, I tried!

Eventually I ended up getting the CT scan then of course I got brought back to my oversized chair and had to wait for the results. Oh, and I got more blood drawn. From the same arm! Seems a tad cruel if you ask me lol. Goes to show how good the vampires are though, I have no bruises from the needles even though I was poked in the same spot two days in a row. Yay for no bruises!

Left: the maple leafs painted on the ceiling of the CT department. Right: me waiting in my chair

Left: the maple leafs painted on the ceiling of the CT department. Right: me waiting in my chair

Eventually the doctor came to see me, a different doctor from the night before. The results of the CT scan showed: something in my hip. What the hell is it with these test results?!?! All they can say is there is “something” there *rolls eyes* Not helpful!

The doc had a list of potential things it could be, ranging from bacterial infection to gout to unknown. She doesn’t think infection is likely because I don’t have a fever and the hip isn’t red and/or swollen. Gout is also unlikely cause of my diet (I eat lots of veggies) but that lands us in to the unknown section of the list. The decision was made to send me home with a prescription for strong pain meds that will not make me drowsy so I’ll be able to function and have me wait 24 hours to see if the hip starts to get better on its own. How is this a good decision? *confused face*

This conversation was had at around 10pm which meant I was being sent home, after now being in constant pain for 3 days, with a prescription I wouldn’t be able to fill until the next day because pharmacies are closed and all I could do was wait and see.

I know it makes me a wimp but on the way to my suv I started crying. The idea that they weren’t fixing my hip or even diagnosing it and that I was going to have to deal with that level of pain for at least another day was just too much for me to take. Yeah yeah I know, woe is me right? *rolls eyes*

I took another T3 that night when I went to bed but it wasn’t strong enough to stop me from waking up all through the night from pain, sigh.

Luckily the same friend who insisted on driving me home from the hospital the first night was willing to take my pain med prescription to the pharmacy and get it filled for me, oh, and get me some apple juice lol Hey don’t judge! When I am sick or in pain I want apple juice, it’s how I roll! πŸ˜‰ The pills cost me $5.05, without my health care coverage they would have cost $25.25.

These pain pills come with strict rules, must must must be taken with food. And not like have a snack and take a pill but have a meal and when halfway done eating the meal take the pill, then continue with the meal. Like I have to sandwich the pill within my stomach between lots of food. Weird.

Because I got the pills late in the day I was only able to take two of the three per day I am supposed to take. They kinda helped but not so much I was able to walk without the crutches. I still had to lift my leg with my hands to be able to get in to bed, or on my living room chair… Oh yeah, I don’t think I mentioned that, the pain is wicked bad but I’ve also lost mobility so getting dressed, taking stairs, getting on to furniture, anything that involves the leg lifting upwards is pain pain pain! and soooo not happening unless I use my hands to lift the leg. I learned early that if I force the thigh muscles to relax it’s much less painful then if I flex the muscles. Don’t know why but whatever I can do to lessen the pain I will do! πŸ™‚

The next step is getting the hip aspirated, which means the hip will be numbed and a big ass needle will be poked in it and it will suck out some of whatever is in my hip so it can be tested and doctors can finally know what is going on in there. They want to wait before doing it because the procedure itself opens my hip up to potential infection and they want to avoid that if possible.

I’m torn at this point on what to do. Today would’ve been the day I go back and get the hip aspirated based on the wait-and-see-if-I-magically-get-better-approach. The pain isn’t as bad anymore but I’m positive that is because of the pills and being able to rest the hip for two days straight, not because whatever is wrong with it is magically getting better on its own. But since the pain is lessened that technically puts me in the category of “not supposed to go back to the hospital”. See the dilemma?

I decided to not go back today based on the lessened pain however, tomorrow I have to go to work so I figure I’ll see how the hip is after I’m done work. If, even on the pills and with the aid of crutches it is in a world-of-pain then I’m gonna go to the hospital right after work and yet again try to get this figured out. Hopefully without the hip being aspirated because the idea of a big ass needle being poked in my hip does not appeal to me at all! Ick!

Hospital Visit Number 1

5 Jan

This is not how I expected to start my new year lol I am right this second sitting with my right leg stretched out, a blanket folded under the knee, pain meds in my system and crutches leaning within arms reach. Laaaaame!

Let me catch you up!

Tuesday (Dec 31/13) I felt a twinge in my right hip. Something kinda hurt but not too bad, shrug. It reminded me of a twinge I had in my hip years ago that went away when I stopped sitting on my ass and started exercising more. I thought it was my body being all “woman, stop being lazy and get back to the gym!” I wasn’t worried, more annoyed.

Wednesday (Jan 1/14) My right hip actually full fledged hurt. I was not impressed! It was a pain strong enough that I was limping and nothing seemed to make it better. Didn’t matter if I was sitting, standing, walking, leaning, it always hurt. I was limping but I was still able to do everything I normally do at work and at home so while it sucked I figured I’d let my body heal itself.

Here’s the thing about me, I don’t like going to the doctor. I figure if I am sick I’ll let my immune system take care of it. If I hurt myself I’ll rest whatever part of me I hurt and let my body heal itself. Our bodies are amazingly well equipped to take care of themselves but so many people want an instant fix and aren’t willing to just chill and let their bodies get better on their own. So even though my hip hurt and I was limping and it sucked I didn’t even contemplate going to a doctor.

Thursday (Jan 2/14) I had sooooo much trouble sleeping! I got woken up in the middle of the night because of how much pain I was in and couldn’t get back to sleep. When it was time to get up for work I had trouble getting out of bed, getting ready for work, getting in to my suv, standing once I’d been sitting, walking, carrying anything…basically anything that involved my right hip (which is Β practically everything!) hurt so much I would have to stop and take deep breaths and bite my tongue so I didn’t make a noise. I had plans after work to hang with my lil sis that I couldn’t break so even though I wanted to cry from the pain I met up with her when work was done. We hung out, went for dinner and chilled at the diner we were in. At this point there was no such thing as a comfortable position for my hip. The booth I was sitting in made me want to cry, omg it was so painful! We sat for waaaay too long and when it was time to go I could barely stand. I was stuck in a bent over position, hinged at the hip cause I couldn’t straighten out completely and I honestly thought I wouldn’t be able to make it back to the suv but really, what choice did I have? shrug. After I dropped my lil sis off I went to the ER at the closest hospital. I wasn’t going to go but my lil sis pointed out I wasn’t in this much pain after my car accident and I realized this was ranking right up there with my knee being stuck in a dislocated position for hours and my ovary being twisted and dying. If the pain is ranking that high up there then I guess I should cave and go see a doc, shrug.

Enter The Hospital!

I got to the ER, got admitted decently fast, had really nice nurses, got assessed, had to pee in a cup twice, had what seemed like 1/3 of my body’s blood drawn for testing, had my right hip X-rayed in incredibly painful positions, oh, and spent a helluva lot of time laying in a bed waiting. After all, what is a hospital visit without a lot of waiting, right? lol



Left: The pattern on my hospital gown Right: My clothes, I reeeeally wanted back in my clothes!

Left: The pattern on my hospital gown Right: My clothes, I reeeeally wanted back in my clothes!

After all the testing, and waiting, and picture taking the doc came to speak to me and tell me my tests results. I’m paraphrasing here but what she said was something like this: the x-rays show you have something in your hip. A calcification or growth, possibly an infection.

Nice huh? lol

Because the x-ray didn’t give specific enough images I got given some pain pills, crutches and a doctor’s note to bring back with me the next day when I have to return and get a CT scan.

the portable comp the doc brings over when they come see you and the bill for the crutches

the portable comp the doc brings over when they come see you and the bill for the crutches

The crutches I was brought had to be bought instead of rented but I was assured renting would cost the same or possibly a bit more so I might as well buy a new pair. I didn’t have to pay then of course, I just had to sign the bottom of that paper saying I acknowledge the crutches are $31 and that I know the hospital will mail me a bill. The T3’s they sent home with me and the pain pills they gave me while I was there were free, oh, and of course the visit itself didn’t cost anything cause hey, land of health care! lol πŸ˜‰ I think my health insurance through work will pay for the crutches, I’m gonna hafta call them tomorrow and ask though cause I’m not absolutely sure. I know I have coverage but it’s not like I memorized what all is covered lol

By the time I was allowed to leave it was stupid late, almost 3am? I’d been texting with a friend while there and she insisted on coming to get me instead of letting me drive myself home, I’m super grateful to her because I was exhausted and being in one position for so long in the hospital bed had made the hip seize up even more. Ouchie.

I went to sleep with the help of a T3 and the knowledge that I was gonna have to go back the next day for the CT scan and oh man that was most likely gonna suck. Least the T3 let me get some actual sleep that night! πŸ™‚

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