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Thyroid Update

16 May

I had a doctor’s appointment today, to find out the results of the tests done on my blood from last Monday. It would appear that everything is working a-okay within my body.

How messed up is it that I’m a little disappointed right now? *rolls eyes* I was sorta hoping I’d have a thyroid problem and that I would get medicated (even though I hate taking medication) so that I would then have an easier time losing weight (although from what I’ve heard the meds don’t always help with that…) but instead my thyroid is apparently functioning as it should be so nooooo meds for this girl.

Which really, in the long run I am happy about because meds are so not my thing lol In the short term though, grr! and Boo! lol πŸ˜›

The doc says the reason I am having trouble losing weight is because I am subconsciously restricting my movement/activities due to the hip problem. She says it is normal for someone whose had an injury to hold back a bit and not be as active as they used to be because they have to baby the injured body part but most people don’t change their eating habits so they are eating more than they should be considering the reduced activity and bam! Weight gain! Then, as the person starts to regain their active lifestyle, they, without realizing it, hold back, or just do a bit less day-to-day which of course means the weight doesn’t come off as quickly as they would like.

Speaking as someone who was badly injured years ago and took for freakin ever to become fully mobile again and then even longer then freakin ever to lose the weight she gained while gimped I am not impressed with this analysis. I understand it. I just don’t like it.

I am back to being active. I mean yeah, I am a lazy person in general but I am back to my twice weekly dragon boat practices, and my hiking (though not as often as I would like but that is not my fault! life gets in the way *pout*) and my random other activities that are generally not planned but just happen. I mean c’mon, I just ran the BMO Run two weekends ago, isn’t that a sign of an active person??

Apparently not. sigh.

How much more do I have to do to be considered active and for my body to stop being a jerk and drop this weight? *glares at body*

I know that when it comes to weight loss it is 80% what you eat and 20% your exercise and I will admit that I am not the greatest when it comes to food. I try, sorta, in spurts lol I’m pretty sure though that I undereat, shocking I know! Except for the days I indulge in something stupid and them boom! Overeater in the house! *groan* I annoy myself. πŸ˜›

I’ve got to get my food back on track but no big gimmicks, no weird tricks, just, I dunno, normal healthy eating, in the proper portion sizes, and no more treats just because. I mean yeah ok, I’m not going to cut out every single treat but I have to be more careful with them, actually have them be treats and not daily occurrences ya know? Oh, and I think maybe I should be eating more than once or twice a day…but I always find that hard, sigh.

I’m starting with baby steps, which may seem lame, but I figure every little change will help and will eventually grow in to a big change *crosses fingers and hopes* So, in that vein, when I got home from work this evening I had a cup of tea but no snack. Not gonna lie, I miss having a snack, but my night time snack was almost always something not nutritionally beneficial to my body and not really needed for anything other than taste bud happiness and those little buggers can just suck up the loss as far as I’m concerned lol

I will have to come up with an actual eating plan of some sort otherwise nothing will actually change, but that can wait for tomorrow, when it’s not one in the morning and I’m not kinda tired. πŸ™‚

ecard-complicated-food

 

Doctors Visit

7 May

Sigh, spending any part of my day at the doctor’s office is not how I want to spend my time. I am very anti-doctor. Not for everyone, I don’t mean I shun Western medicine or anything, just that I personally don’t like doctors and would much rather let my body fix itself when it gets sick or injured. I have an immune system right? Might as well let it earn it’s keep! lol

Having said that I have been seeing a lot of doctors since January, ugh, I’m so done with this, and yet, I am not, sigh. Mentally I am done, physically I have to keep going. *rolls eyes* It’s annoying.

Last week I had an appointment with a specialist I am seeing in regards to my hip, if you want a refresher on that lovely little story clickΒ here.

As a result of that appointment I now have to go to physio, sigh, and get an MRI, double sigh. Then my normal family doc calls me, well her receptionist called me lol, to set up an appointment. I guess the specialist had sent over to her the results of the most recent tests he had sent me for so my family doc wanted me to come in so she could talk to me about it.

I saw the family doctor today, she told me what the test results were and what they mean, then she made a comment about what activities I do. Now, I tend to downplay what I have been up to with these doctors cause I don’t want to be told to not do something but I figured since the BMO Run was already over I might as well make a comment about it, not like she can tell me to not do something when it’s in the past right? πŸ˜‰ lol I mentioned I did the 8km run last Sunday and then went to compete in a dragon boat race and her reaction was “So you’re fit”. Um, what? Obviously from looking at me you can tell I am not fit, eesh. So I commented back something along the lines of “you’d think but doesn’t matter what I do I can’t lose this fat”.

That comment actually got her attention, the rest of the convo went something like this:

Doc: You haven’t lost any weight?

Me: Nope.

Doc: Not even from the run? You didn’t lose any weight from running? Or dragon boat racing?

Me: Nothing. Trust me, I’m trying.

Doc: Have I had your thyroid tested? (she looked at my file) I haven’t had it tested…I’m getting it tested. If you are this active and you aren’t losing any weight you might have a thyroid problem.

Me: Um, ok?

So here is where I am at. I try to shun doctors and all their tests. Buuuuuuut if this blood work shows something wrong with my thyroid she might prescribe some form of treatment or pills that will help fix the thyroid and have a happy result of me losing weight and how awesome would that be?? I am now wondering just how twisted I must be to be sorta hoping I have a thyroid problem…fairly twisted? Or just sorta twisted? Maybe just desperate…not that that sounds any better…

sick and twisted

 

8km BMO Run…and a Dragon Boat Race

4 May

Today I ran. πŸ™‚

I know to a lot of people running an 8km is nothing, it isn’t even long enough to count as their training but to me 8km is a huuuuuge accomplishment. I’ve never run that far and today I did. Today was a good day lol

The race didn’t start till 9:30am which means I got to sleep in later then if I had gone to work, yay for sleeping in! lol I had to be downtown by 8:30am at the absolute latest in order to catch the shuttle bus that would take me to the start area, I decided to get there for 8am just to play it safe, I was highly paranoid about missing the shuttle and not being able to get to the start area in time and not running, that would have sucked. Luckily that didn’t happen.

So I got downtown, checked my backpack, boarded a school bus (um, when did the leg room in those seats become sooooooo small? I barely fit!), got shuttled to the starting area and then proceeded to try to find shelter cause oh yeah, I forgot to mention, pouring rain! Brr! It was a funny sight, all these groups of people wearing running outfits huddled under huge trees trying to stay warm, limber and dry. I went under a tree for the length of time it took to write a text, I was trying to keep my phone dry-ish, after that I decided screw this I don’t want to huddle under a tree like cattle *rolls eyes*, so I wandered a bit. From where we were waiting we could see the half-marathoners go by so I went by the sidelines for a bit to cheer them on, I was encouraged by their speed. I’d had the horrible thought that I’d be the absolute slowest person out there and be passed by and left in the dust but the majority of them seemed to be running at a speed I felt I could maintain for quite a while, phew! One less thing to be freaking out about!

While standing around waiting I randomly started talking with a really nice lady named Kristi, she is from Manitoba and came here specifically for this run. Crazy huh? We chatted, she is one of those super friendly people that you just instantly get along with. Without even planning it we started running together, I thought she’d leave me behind super quick cause she has been training for this unlike I who kept intending to train and didn’t, oops! πŸ˜‰ But she didn’t, we stuck together for 3-4km? I can’t quite remember the distance…the only reason we split up was she stopped to use the bathroom and I kept going. Now that I think about it maybe I should have waited, that would have been the polite thing to do…but before I could suggest waiting she waved me on and said she’d see me at the finish line as she headed off course to the washroom so I just kept going. I kept an eye out for her the rest of the run, I was absolutely convinced she’d catch up with me but I didn’t see her, and trust me I would have, she was wearing a very bright orange jacket.

At the same spot I left her there was a water station, I was one of those people grabbing a little cup of water while running by, how weird is that? I’ve only ever seen that on tv before lol Anyways, it turns out it wasn’t water, it was some sort of, I dunno, sickly sweet something, gack. It was nasty and made me thirstier then I was before I drank it. Not cool. This all happened right before a hill and about halfway up the hill I am sad to say I started to walk, I was super thirsty, had a sickly sweet taste in my mouth and I haaaaate hills. Looking back I wish I had managed to run that hill, I had run all the previous ones, because walking that hill somehow gave me permission to walk all the other hills if I felt like it, sigh. I know at the time I felt like I had to walk it, a quick walk granted but still a walk but I wish I’d pushed myself a bit harder, seen just how much more I could have done. Running is a mental game after all.

There were volunteers along the route cheering the runners on, for the most part I didn’t notice them much but there was this one group of 4 teenage boys who were holding up signs with quotes and cheering. One had a sign that was a quote from Gandalf (from Lord of the Rings) but this other sign really helped me. It said:

The voice in your head that says you can’t do it is a liar.

I know that quote, I’ve heard that quote, hell, we’ve all heard that quote or a variation on it but the timing of that sign, held by that stranger really helped me. It helped me to speed up, to run a little longer, and every time after that I wanted to stop I repeated to myself Β “the voice is a liar, the voice is a liar, you can do this!”

Yeah I know, Β I’m crazy lol πŸ˜›

I have multiple official times because of how they released the 8km runners on to the course, we were merging with the half marathoners who were already running, because of that our official start line was farther back which meant we started running before we actually go on to the race course. So, we crossed over two mats that registered our running chip at the beginning and then crossed over two at the end. This gave us our time for the actual distance of 8km as well as the time for the real distance we ran. My results are:

(heads up, don’t expect to be impressed or anything lol)

I did the 8km in 1:03:09

The goal I set for myself was 1:10:00 so I am very glad I beat my goal, screw glad, I am kinda proud. πŸ™‚

But, to keep this in perspective, the fastest runner of the 8km was a guy from Victoria BC who did it in 28:20! Eesh! The average for the 1858 participants was 56:06 which means I was 7mins slower than average which, considering my lack of training and the fact that I am not a runner doesn’t seem that bad…to me lol

what my Runtastic App tracked

what my Runtastic App tracked

Every single persons name gets called as they cross the finish line, which I thought was awesome, made me feel special lol

front and back of my medal, there is a spot in the back that will get a chip inserted in to it that shows my time

front and back of my medal, there is a spot in the back that will get a chip inserted in to it that shows my time

As soon as you cross the finish line there are volunteers urging you to keep moving, they are thrusting water and juice boxes in to your hands, you get given a medal, then food, lots of food! A banana, some yogurt, this lunch box thing that had all kinds of yummy treats inside (all healthy) and because it’s how we roll here everything was recyclable or compostable. πŸ™‚ I heard some people from the States commenting saying how you know you’re in Canada when not only do the garbage containers have multiple slots for all different types of recycling and composting but there is a volunteer at the garbage can to make sure you throw stuff in the right slot lol I guess I am so used to that I didn’t stop to think it might look weird to someone not from here. πŸ˜›

I then had to rush to get my bag from the bag check area, snag a cab and get to the dragon boat regatta my team was competing in today. They knew I’d be late for the races but that I’d do my best to get there as soon as I could. I missed the first two heats but got to race in the third. πŸ™‚ They were all so happy when I showed up, all proud of my medal and asking questions about how it went. I’m so lucky to have a team that supported my doing the run rather than be mad I was going to miss part of the regatta.

We had a good third race and I heard from the team the first two races went really well also. πŸ™‚

Then we all went for food, which fyi, from the time the race was over until about 7pm I have felt like a bottomless pit lol I started the day off with a protein packed healthy breakfast and for the most part have eaten fairly healthy throughout the day, each time I ate it was a meal with protein to try to help my poor body get over what I put it through lol

All in all I am feeling great! A bit of muscle pain in the calves and thighs, my knees are kinda sore, but nowhere near as bad as it could be. It may have been a rainy day, and I may have spent it soaked to the skin from about 9am till 1pm but it was an awesome day and I’m so glad I decided to run the 8km! Who knows, maybe I’ll run a longer race next time!…wait, next time?? What the hell am I talking about?! I’m not a runner! lol πŸ˜‰

Sidenote: I apologize for the lack of pictures but I was so busy enjoying the day I didn’t think to pull out my phone and snap pics of things as I went through the day, I know I know, bad blogger! πŸ˜› There were official pics taken but I haven’t received a link yet to see them, once I do I’ll post one so you can see how much of Β a drowned rat I looked like lol

Race Kit Pick-Up!

1 May

Oooooh exciting day today! πŸ™‚

I got up distressingly early (for me lol), met with a friend, went for a walk, went home, cleaned up, ate, ran errands, saw the doc aaaaaand went to pick up my race kit for this Sunday! OMG sooooo excited! Freaked out but excited lol πŸ˜›

I thought the process of picking up my race kit would be as quick as me walking up to a desk, showing my ID, giving my bib number and being handed a bunch of stuff. Easy peasy. Well, what really happened was easy but as far from what I imagined as possible!

The line was huge, and slow moving, ugh. While waiting in line I was trying to figure out what was going on because there were these blue fabric “walls” that had been put up so I couldn’t see past the front initial sign-in area but I could hear all kinds of stuff and was oh-so-curious.

At the first stop I got given a blue bag filled with all sorts of goodies. Some magazines, a newspaper that is exclusively about the run, coupons, a t-shirt and most importantly my race bib! Eeeeeek! I want to post a pic of it but it is recommended people don’t put pictures of their bibs online until after the run because I guess people steal bib numbers that get posted online, rude!

magazines, coupons, newspaper...these were all in my blue tote bag

magazines, coupons, newspaper…these were all in my blue tote bag

 

Yay for stuff!

Yay for stuff!

Then I was let loose in to a large area filled with booths. They were giving away stuff, had games to play, draws to enter, all kinds of merchandise to buy, oh and samples, don’t forget the edible samples! Mmm!

I nibbled and sipped my way through various energy bars, protein bars, energy jelly drops, protein drinks and greek yogurt. Yeah, I know the yogurt doesn’t seem to fit in with the rest but it was tasty and has protein in it and I got a coupon so yay! lol

I checked out the clothes, there were all kinds of things labelled with the name of the run, similar to when I compete in a dragon boat festival and you can buy a tshirt with the festival name on it. I opted to not buy anything with the run name on it, didn’t really see the point, I’ll have a medal to remember the run with so who needs an overpriced shirt? I did however buy some on sale socks that promise no chaffing and a baseball cap. I’ve been meaning to buy a baseball cap for weeks now, I have one but it doesn’t have that hole in the back for my ponytail which until now hasn’t been a big deal but the weather is getting hot and when I wear my hair in a braid or a low ponytail to accommodate the cap with no hole my hair is smooshed against my neck, which gets sweaty, and ugh, so annoying. I know I know, I’m a whiny brat. πŸ˜›

Oddly enough, besides the bib my favourite thing that I got today was the shaker cup I won. It is in the second picture up there. I spun a wheel and the arrow fell on it and it became miiiiiine lol I already have one, from Popeye’s but I’ve been wanting a second one, just not willing to buy a second one so this worked out nicely.

The weirdest thing I received was the rice, someone put a package of it in to my hands along with a coupon. I thought about giving it back (since I don’t eat rice) but then realized I am poor and shouldn’t put my nose up at free food lol

The most useful thing I received was the bus ticket. They try to encourage using public transit so if you want one you can get a ticket for the bus, well, duh, of course I want one, it’ll save me $4! lol I will be busing downtown to a meeting point, putting my bag in to bag check, getting a free shuttle to the start line and then being corralled like cattle until being let loose on the run route.

So there we have it, after the fun of getting my race kit I went to dragon boat practice, had a blast, and am now home thinking happy sleepy thoughts about bed *yawn*

Twice Yesterday, None Today

23 Apr

Yesterday I had a lunch date downtown and decided I didn’t want to drive to it cause (1) parking downtown sucks, especially during the middle of the day (2) gas prices are ridonkulous ($1.53 right now, arg!) so I’m trying to drive less and (3) I’m trying to not spend as much money which meant not forking over for high parkade fees or using the precious gas that is in my gas tank. So I bussed it and was horrified to learn bus fare is now $4! What the hell?? That’s crazy!…in my humble, non-informed opinion.

Because I have now turned in to a scrooge when it comes to spending money I decided to walk home instead of pay another $4 to take the bus. I couldn’t walk there because I wasn’t sure how long it would take but I figured I’d have plenty of time to walk home afterwards so why not? I am physically able to walk long distances and feel that if I can do it then I should because one day I will be old and won’t be able to walk a block without tiring myself out and I’ll wish I had walked more when I could. Right? Right!

I popped my earbuds on and started the long walk. It started off ok, interesting shops to look at, pretty cherry blossom trees in full bloom, random people to watch. I actually don’t mind walking places if the weather is semi-decent because you get to see so much more than when you are driving.

After a while, even with music playing in my ears that I love I started to get bored. sigh. The view was less interesting, just traffic on one side of me and non-interesting shops on my other side. The people on the sidewalk became fewer and far between as I left the bustle of the downtown core and was walking over the bridge, past the highway and onward.

I hit a stage where I wanted to stop. I didn’t. But I wanted to. My legs kinda hurt, I was bored, I just wanted it over. I gotta say, that part sucked. When I do long walks I do them as hikes on trails going up mountains, where I am surrounded by trees and nature and there is always that potential threat of running in to an animal that could kill me (bears I’m looking at you! πŸ˜‰ ). Also, in the wilderness you have to pay more attention to where you are walking because of the uneven ground, twists and turns in the trails, sharp inclines and declines. Walking a mountain trail is way more interesting then walking along a city sidewalk.

Obviously I didn’t stop, who does that? Stops out of boredom? Not moi! lol I turned it in to a challenge in my head, sort of a can-I-maintain-my-speed-and-make-it-home challenge.

Whadda ya know, I succeeded! πŸ™‚

The only times I stopped were at red lights, nothing I can do about that. Luckily I hit almost all green so there was very little stopping. I maintained my speed even when on the hills and I have proof of that thanks to my Runtastic App lol I want to upload a pic of the route I took with all the info but my phone has 9% battery right now so my Dropbox App won’t transfer the pic due to low battery life, lame! I’ll come back and edit this post tomorrow to add the pic so you can see. πŸ™‚

In the end I walked 8.75km in an hour and a half. Not too shabby…I think? lol I never know what a good time is when it comes to how long it takes to run or walk a distance so I’m gonna go with a rating of “not too shabby” and hope I am right lol πŸ˜›

I thought I’d be home in time to chill before going to dragon boat practice and I sorta was, depending on how long of a rest I wanted lol I had enough time to have a cup of tea, sit, wish I could sit for way longer, then change, stuff my hair up under my hat, grab my gear and book it to practice. I was actually a little bit late and missed part of the warm up but didn’t feel too badly about it considering the walk I did.

So there we have it, yesterday I exercised twice, the loooong walk lol and dragon boat practice. I was really happy with myself for doing that. πŸ™‚

Today however, hmm, lazy much? lol I was supposed to go for a walk with a friend who only goes cause I drag her, she haaaates doing any of the physical stuff I like to do, sigh. We ended up going to Costco instead and after we were done hanging out I ended up at home, sitting, doing nothing of importance. Normally I’d of at least done the laundry or something so I could justify not going for a run or to the gym buuuuut nope, nuthin. So lazy! Boo! 😦

lazy

I’m trying to pretend that because I exercised twice yesterday it is ok that I didn’t exercise today, like it will somehow all balance out at the end of the week lol I don’t think it really works like that but for today I am sticking with that illusion. πŸ˜›

Society and Rain

28 Mar

Two things stopped me from running tonight after work, well, three if you count my laziness whiiiiich I suppose is the only one that really counts but let’s ignore that one shall we? πŸ˜‰

I once again didn’t manage to get my lazy ass out of bed early enough to workout before going to work today, sigh, I hate myself for that every time it happens which fyi, is every Friday and Saturday. blarg. I have plenty of time before work starts to get in some sort of work out, whether it is an exercise dvd, going to the gym, going for a run, hell even just doing some squats and free weight stuff in my apartment but do I do any of those? Nope! I sleep in just long enough to not have enough time to work out then I chill and do nothing important before going to work. An utter waste of a day. I do this every week, it’s pathetic. *rolls eyes*

After work tonight (I was off at 9:15pm) I actually felt like working out. I didn’t feel all super pumped this’ll-be-the-best-workout-ever! but I felt, I dunno, like it was time. Like I had hit my fed upness with myself, hit my limit of lazy and wanted to do something physical. I had to stop at Superstore on my way home but I decided on the drive to Superstore that once I got home I’d quickly change and go for a run. I was actually looking forward to it believe it or not.

teehee

teehee

Well, after Superstore I get back in the suv and start driving and got hit by a wave of tiredness. Completely out of proportion to the level of activity I had for the day I might add. I swear I felt like I could have gone home, gone to bed and fallen asleep right away. I never sleep early, my body just can’t do it, so feeling like that was uber weird for me.

I got home, sat in the suv and tried to mentally convince myself that I was going to go for a run, even if it was slow, even if it was pathetic, at least it would be something. I was texting with a couple friends at the time and one of them said I shouldn’t go running, it was too late at night and not safe. I was all “huh? that’s ridiculous” but it got me thinking. I’ve gone for runs at night before and while running have thought it was high on the list of stupid decisions I have made because it is dark, late, paths are empty, not only could I injure myself due to poor lighting conditions but I could come across someone who has less-than-nice intentions and get myself in to some serious trouble. I’d be an idiot to not be aware of that.

I absolutely hate the idea of fear making a decision for me, of my not doing something because it could be dangerous, could put me in an unsafe situation, could have negative consequences. People would never get anywhere, have new experiences, truly enjoy life to it’s fullest if fear made their decisions for them. For all of that though, I have to be realistic. There are certain situations I really don’t want to be in, like being attacked while running, and if running late at night is going to increase my chance of that well, maybe I shouldn’t go. sigh.

Despite living in a city that is considered safe, in an area that I feel comfortable walking home tipsy in, I still have to be aware of my surroundings, keep an eye out for someone acting suspiciously, someone who perhaps doesn’t belong or might have nefarious reasons for being there. And isn’t that pathetic, and sad, and horrible? That as a woman I can’t go running late at night without having a niggling fear it could be dangerous, without having to be aware that it is my responsibility to not put myself in a stupid situation because others can’t be trusted?

How did this come to be? Or better yet, how can we stop it being like this?

While having these somewhat deep (and mildly depressing) thoughts the clouds opened up and it started to rain, not lightly drizzle but pour rain, which ended my internal debate on whether I would chance it and go running or play the coward and stay inside because I do not run in the rain, I might melt! πŸ˜‰ lol

So now it is almost 1am, I am still feeling a bit tired and I just might attempt to get an early night. Who knows, maybe if I get to bed and to sleep before 3am I’ll actually be able to drag my sorry ass out of bed in the morning and get it to the gym before heading to work! *crosses fingers*

Sidenote: you’d never know it by how lazy I have been for the past, oh, forever? lol but I actually really like working out. I know! I am that person, I said it, feel free to smack me upside the head! lol But I do, I like how I feel like I am accomplishing something, how I can feel myself getting stronger, how after I am done I feel better about myself – not just in how I look but how I feel health wise. You’d think all of that would be enough to get me out of bed and to the gym but somehow, it’s not. *rolls eyes*

and yet, still not enough motivation, sigh

and yet, still not enough motivation, sigh

My Last Three Days

21 Mar

My last three days have been busy, or at least they felt that way but when I look back on them I can’t figure out why they felt so busy…weird… πŸ˜›

Well ok, Tuesday wasn’t busy lol I slept in, chilled with the cat then went to dragon boat practice. After practice I made dinner, cooked a new fish dish which turned out well, when I say “well” I mean I didn’t give myself food poisoning lol It tasted fine, nothing great so I won’t be buying it again, shrug. It was healthy though, which was what I was aiming for so yay for getting that right! Although, someone out there will probably read what it was and say I am wrong *rolls eyes* Leave me with my delusions!Β lol

It was a coconut crusted piece of tilapia, there was seasoning in there too, not like it was just coconut but since it came pre-crusted/seasoned I couldn’t say for sure what those seasonings were…

tilapia coated with seasoning and coconut, yams and grilled peppers

tilapia coated with seasoning and coconut, yams and grilled peppers

I paired it with some red and yellow grilled peppers and some sliced yam, those were cooked in a pan on top of the stove with no butter/spray/oil used, I just put a small bit of water in the pan so the food didn’t stick. I was paranoid about cooking the fish, the instructions said cook for ten minutes per inch and a half of thickness, what?? That’s not cool, I want specific directions for my piece of fish, I want to be told exactly how many minutes for my fish, not have to figure it out myself cause dude, I’ll figure it out wrong! Least, that was the panicked thoughts going through my head lol Turns out it was cooked perfectly, go fig! πŸ™‚

Wednesday I spent the afternoon with my lil sis at the mall. Normally I try to get us doing something active for at least part of our time together but her birthday was this week so I let her decide every thing we did Wednesday which meant we spent the entire time in the mall. Ah well, it’s her day! πŸ™‚ We had fun, which was a given really lol I bought a new phone case for myself which I am in love with right now, every time I pick up my phone I laugh, teehee, and yes I know, I am easily amused. It is a someecards cover and looks like this…

cause I know you care what my phone case looks like lol

cause I know you care what my phone case looks like lol

We had a pit stop at Tim Horton’s cause well, why wouldn’t we?? There is a new maple glazed doughnut out and all I can say to Timmy’s about that is bravo *slow clap* ya done goooooood! My other comment to them is where are all the winning cups?? It’s Roll Up The Rim game time and none of my cups have won so far! *pout*

medium steeped tea and a doughnut, classic!

medium steeped tea and a doughnut, classic!

In the evening I hung out with KL, we got dinner (Indian food, Mmm!), then saw the movie 12 Years A Slave and holy crap was it amazing! Brutal. But amazing. So no exercise for me at all on Wednesday, and lots of food, which is sorta reversed to how it is supposed to be but alas, Wednesday was two days ago so there’s nuthin I can do about it now! lol πŸ˜›

Sidenote:

Every time this commercial comes on tv I stop and watch. I love it, well, right up until it gets to the part about advertising for Centrum Science Multi-Vitamins cause I’m not on that whole vitamin bandwagon but I find the commercial inspiring (to a point). All those people, of various ages and backgrounds taking part in a wide variety of physical activities, leading healthy lifestyles, I dunno, something about it makes me want to do more. Try a new sport, or go back to one I used to do and stopped *cough*boxing*cough*

Thursday!

I had a relaxing morning, went to an audition early afternoon, then dragon boat practice at night then out for dinner later that night. Thursday was a good day. πŸ™‚

The audition went great, I got amazing feedback from the casting director so wOOt! wOOt! I can’t tell anything about the project or specifics about the auditions cause I signed a non-disclosure agreement but if it turns in to anything rest assured I’ll be linking it to my blog so you can all pretend to watch it lol πŸ˜‰

At practice we got informed that us girls have to train twice as hard as the guys and that we (this time I mean everyone, not just the girls) are supposed to be eating healthy (duh!) and we aren’t supposed to drink alcohol…um, what? Not like I drink a lot or anything but…none? At all? Hmm…this woman really doesn’t know us lol

Her strictness with things did help curb my appetite today though, which I suppose is good, any little bit helps right? I had dinner at work but only cause it was a fish steak with veggies, there were other things with it (mashed potatoes, spring rolls, apple pie etc) but I didn’t eat those. Didn’t even snag a cookie for dessert!

Oh and lastly! A friend of mine who is a trainer informed me that a respectable time to complete my BMO Run is 45 minutes…I’m going to die…my training is pretty much non-existent, which is not good, I’ve gotta start kicking my own ass in to gear when it comes to running, ugh. Whyyyyyy did I sign up for this? Stupid-wanting-a-new-challenge-feeling *rolls eyes* πŸ˜›

Middle Ground

15 Mar

I’ve got a pair of pants that when I bought them I thought they fit but once I got them home and wore them out for the first time I realized they were actually a bit too big. The crotch (I hate that word! lol) was too low so it rubbed against the inside of my thighs causing pain and raw skin…too much info? only happens to me? Yeah, sigh, figures… πŸ˜‰ lol

Anyways! I put the pants in the dryer, a calculated risk, that I hoped would prove to be a smart idea. It did, sorta. The pants, after a couple runs through the dryer fit better around the waist, butt, hips and leg areas. They were a tad shorter than I like but not so much shorter I can’t still wear them with a variety of shoes. Phew! My legs are so long I hang to dry all pants because they can very quickly become too short and I look like that person who is expecting a flood 24/7 lol πŸ˜›

So today for work I wore the pants. I was maaaaaybe an hour in to my shift and every time I was standing or walking I was also pulling the pants up a bit and wishing I’d worn a belt. They were fitting looser in all areas but of course were still the tad too short they had been since the dryer stints.

I don’t know if this means I have lost a little bit of weight (please oh please mean I have lost some weight! *crosses fingers*) or if it means my pants have stretched out a bit or didn’t shrink quite as much as I realized. Obviously I’m hoping I got smaller not that my pants got bigger.

I seem to appear to be back in the middle ground of clothing sizes. I hate the middle ground. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it is that stage where you are becoming too small for one size but are still too big for the next size down so your clothes don’t fit nicely no matter what you wear. It sucks even if it is an indication you’re on the right track.

this goes for all clothes

this goes for all clothes

Thing is, I can’t think of anything that would have made me slim down a bit so I’m leaning towards the pants stretching out, which sucks.

I’ve been working on making small changes with my food, cutting out the processed foods I’d been enjoying during my off season, drinking more water, making sure to get protein in at every meal (well, ok, almost every meal, this is me after all lol), and, the big one, I’m eating less peanut butter! Shocking I know! I mean c’mon, I am the person who happily eats a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter and considers it a meal lol But yeah, small changes to my eating, nothing major, nothing to warrant slimming down enough to make pants fit looser.

One happy bonus to the pants fitting loosely this evening was it made it easier to resist bad-for-me-foods cause I kept thinking “if I have lost some weight I don’t wanna gain it back by making a stupid food choice” lol Oh the things I use for increasing my willpower! πŸ˜›

I have noticed lately that I am finding it easier to resist the foods that usually have me caving. Weird huh? Weird but awesome! If I walk through the bakery section at the grocery store I may glance at all the bakery items I usually drool over but I don’t pause and I definitely don’t buy. I contemplated pizza earlier in the week but easily managed to not order it. I’m finding it easier to not eat the foods at work.

I’m not sure where this increase in willpower has come from but I like it! πŸ™‚ Maybe it’s because it’s dragon boat season again and I want to be in peak condition for practices and for the upcoming race season. Maybe it’s because I am “training” for the BMO Run and keep having horrifying images of a fat me being the last to cross the finish line at the run. Maybe it’s because I have had two auditions in the past two weeks (hoorah!) and want to look better and better for each upcoming audition. That and obviously the more confident I feel about how I look the less I will worry about it when in front of the camera meaning the more I can focus on my acting…and the Β more I will look “right” according to casting directors.

It’s probably some combination of all these things and more, who knows what is lurking in my sub-conscious? lol πŸ˜‰

Whatever it is, I am glad for it. Glad to be that person who easily walks past all the high calorie, processed, so tasty but so bad for me foods and buys the healthy stuff. Glad to be getting back to the way I used to be. Glad that this juuuuust might be the first step towards a healthier, stronger, slimmer me. *crosses fingers*

take the first step, put down the cookie!

take the first step, put down the cookie!

 

A Horrible Run

14 Mar

I’ve probably said it a thousand times on this blog but…I am NOT a runner! Yes ok, I did sign up to participate in the BMO Run but I’m pretty sure it is going to kill me, sigh. πŸ˜›

So now I’m in “training”…

The first run I did two weeks ago went greeeeat! I couldn’t believe it! Maybe I really could do this running thing! I did that first run aiming to hopefully reach 5km with no time limit. I ran almost 7km in 58 minutes which I know isn’t anything approaching a time to be proud of but hey, I managed to go farther than I thought I could and that is the part I was focusing on. During that run I had multiple “oh-my-god-I’m-really-doing-this” moments, where I was so shocked and excited with how well I was doing compared to how I thought I would be doing that I actually loved that run. I thought I had an inkling about how people seem to get addicted to this running thing.

Then there was my run this past Monday…

Oh my gawd, could it have been any worse? No, no I really don’t think it could have been. I had barely gone a block and I wanted to quit. My thighs hurt, I was breathing hard, I was so not enjoying myself. Ugh. Plus, I was all “what the hell? I got farther than this last time without feeling like I was going to die, what happened???” It was disastrous! I did a measly 5.06km and it took me 46 minutes! I might as well have been going backwards! So embarrassing. I quick walked a good chunk of it, head literally hanging in shame as others ran past me, sigh.

kill me

I have some vague ideas about why the second run was oh-so-much worse than the first but I can’t decide if they are legit reasons or excuses…

The lead up to each of the runs couldn’t have been farther apart if I’d tried. Run #1 I was at home relaxing, had a perfectly balanced meal (protein, carb, healthy fat), nothing of import happened that day, weather was clear and I ran at night. Run #2 I was up at 5:20am for work, at the time of my run I hadn’t eaten in 5-6 hours, what I had eaten earlier that day was not a perfectly balanced meal at all, it was super windy, I ran evening-ish and ten minutes before my shift ended a resident fell smashing her head open on the floor and yours truly was the one who attended her while waiting for paramedics ( blood, blood everywhere, ugh).

Also, for some reason that day what I wanted more than anything was to go for a hike, to wander the wilderness, go off trail for a while, just be in nature (who am I??). I wanted the peace of being away from people, from expectations, from the world…I wanted away from everything, so my only focus was on where I was putting my next step, where I could breath deep and only smell nature not people or exhaust fumes…seriously, who am I now? I’m such a city girl that this yearning for nature is so not like me! lol But there ya have it, if it hadn’t been too late in the day I would have strapped on boots and gone hiking. Wouldn’t have counted as training for my run but it would have appeased my soul…and don’t I sound so dramatic! lol πŸ˜›

Hiking is such a great de-stresser and I think what I wanted most was to scrub the sound of that resident’s head smashing in to the floor out of my memory…seriously, such a noise! I’ve never heard a sound like that before and would very much like to never hear it again.

Sometimes I wonder about the damage this job is doing to my psyche, sigh…

Anyways!

The second run, it was horrible taken to a new level! I have no idea if this is normal for people who are Β starting out in running, maybe everyone who runs has good and bad runs? Man I hope this is normal, otherwise I was right and I am not meant to run and I will die a horrible sweaty red faced panting death the day of the BMO Run, and worse than all that I’ll be last! I don’t wanna be last *pout*

What’s Your Goal?

13 Mar

Everyone has a different goal, sure they can often times be lumped in to groups but each person’s goal is unique. In terms of weight loss the main groups I have been focused on lately are:

– get skinny

– get strong

The reason I am focused so much on these two groups is because for the loooongest time if you had asked me my goal it was “to get skinny”. That’s it, end of story. All I wanted, more than anything, was to be skinny. I’m decently tall for a girl (5’8″) and feel it is grossly unfair I am not also skinny, aren’t tall girls supposed to be skinny? *pout* All my Weight Watchers, low calorie, paleo (and more!) eating plans were followed because of the promise I would lose weight and I interpreted that as “I would get skinny”, after all, that’s what happens when you lose weight, right? All my hiking, treadmill running, HIIT training, weight lifting, squat challenges etc were all done for the same reason, to get me skinny.

Obviously that hasn’t happened.

Over the past couple months or so my goal has, hmm, I don’t want to say completely changed but…shifted I guess? Evolved. Altered. Broadened.

Now when I think of how I want to look it’s not just “skinny” it’s a combination of words: skinny, fit, obvious muscle definition, strong.

I want to be strong.

Not body builder strong, *shudder* but my body’s version of strong.

I say “my body’s” because I firmly believe not every body can achieve the same “look”. I heard this from a trainer years ago and I have to say, it makes sense to me. My body has a natural build, that I sadly, covered in excess squishy-ness but under all my squishy-ness there is a body type that I have to work with. I have hips, not just cause there is fat on them but because my skeletal frame gave me curvy hips, some women have super slim hips sometimes referred to as guy’s hips, no matter how much I diet, how much I work out, unless I get plastic surgery I will always have curvy hips. Just like the woman with the super slim hips will always have super slim hips. Β You can’t change what your bones are doing. You have to just deal with what you have and work with it.

fat grapefruit

As I have come to terms with this I took a look around for inspiration, for women who have the physical look that I am trying to achieve. Whereas before I used to think of Nicole Kidman or Julia Roberts or any number of runway models and obsess over how they are so skinny and I want to be soooo skinny but how the hell do I get to look like them?? Now I am thinking more along the lines of Michelle Rodriguez. She is slim, has muscle definition, nobody doubts she is strong (and not strong for a girl but simply strong), curvy, fit and feminine. The feminine part is important because I find the media forgets that women who are strong can also be girly.

Michelle Rodriguez - slim but with muscle

Michelle Rodriguez – slim but with muscles

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman – sooooo skinny

I realized that a lot of the fitness activities I partake in were never going to get me to “skinny”, because while yes they provided cardio and burned calories the activities I lean towards also involve working my muscles and that will automatically strengthen my muscles…which, if I am lucky, will give me some level of muscle definition. Actually, I know it will give me muscle definition cause last dragon boat season my shoulders and arms had actual definition that I lost during the off season and am oh-so-hoping to get back soon. Muscle memory how I am relying on you!

For a while I worried that I was focusing more on getting strong because I thought I was incapable of achieving skinny, I was looking at my change of perception, my change of goal as a failure. But now, I don’t think that is what this is about. It’s not just about my being realistic for what I can achieve either. It is what I want. I could cut my food intake drastically, do nothing but cardio and let my body eat away at itself until I am super skinny but then what? I won’t be able to dragon boat, I’ll be too weak to compete. I won’t be able to make it up the side of a mountain when I go hiking, I’ll have no stamina or strength to manage the trails. I won’t be able to enter things like the BMO run. I’d never finish the course. For all that I want to be skinny, I want to be strong more. I want to be able to enjoy the various activities I take part in. I want to be able to sign up for a new challenge and know I’ll be able to work hard towards completing it. I want to not just keep up with others but pass them by – hey, what can I say, I’m competitive! πŸ˜‰

The happy side effect of this new goal, this goal of attaining strength, muscle definition and being fit is that it will automatically make me look slimmer. A pound of muscle takes up less space than a pound of fat so if I can swap out my fat (obviously not all of it or I’d be dead lol) for muscle I’ll look slimmer, be stronger, get my muscle definition aaaaand manage to uncover the body that I hid underneath all this squishy-ness. And wouldn’t that just be fab? πŸ™‚

sorry for the random girl in her underwear...

sorry for the random girl in her underwear…

sidenote: I didn’t put dragon boating in the list of activities I do to attain the goal of skinny because I dragon boat because of how much I love the sport…it just has the sweeeeeet side effect of being a fitness activity lol

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