Tag Archives: hungry

Freaking. Out.

4 Feb

I am freaking out about three different things right now, all completely different, all on different serious-ness levels, and all messing with me, arg!

The first is on a stupid level: I seem to be a bottomless pit today, constant hunger (except for one period of time earlier this evening that I will tell you about farther in to this post), I don’t want to be eating like a crazy person today, but it seems to be a choice between eat more than I think I should be eating or feel starved. Oh and I don’t mean a little nibble “starved” but as I type this my tummy is rumbling and I am at a level of hunger that is super uncomfortable. I am at this level of hunger even though I ate breakfast, lunch and dinner aaaaand a snack three hours or so after dinner. Maybe I should have eaten more protein today, that fills a person up longer, or…what? I don’t know…something…I feel I should have done something throughout the day to prevent this constant hunger buuuut there is only so much food I am willing to eat so I guess I just have to suck it up and deal with feeling hungry. sigh.

By Mr Crocker via Deviant Art

By Mr Crocker via deviantArt

The second things I’m freaking out about is on a fun level: I signed up for the BMO Run, the options were 8km, half marathon or full marathon…I chose the 8km which I know to most will seem like a ridiculously short distance and not even worthy of a person’s time but the most I’ve ever “run” was a 5km and I didn’t run the whole thing, both times I did the 5km I did it with a friend and each time we ended up walking a good chunk of it. I’m excited because I’ve been wanting to run some sort of marathon type thing for a while now but I know I wouldn’t be able to run a half marathon let alone a full marathon cause I am sooooo not a runner lol 8km seems perfect, long enough it will be something to work towards and require me to do some training so I don’t suck on the day but not so long it kills me or I feel like a failure or terrified about not being able to complete it. Despite picking the shortest distance I am still freaking out a bit because like I said, I am not a runner, I don’t know for sure that I can actually do this, what if I suck so badly I can’t finish? That would be mortifying! Plus, I signed up for it alone, which will suck cause I’ll have no one to share the fun of the day with but I really want to try my best for this and if I suck I don’t want to be able to say it was cause the person I was with wanted to walk (or some other type of excuse), how well I do will rest solely on my shoulders…but it won’t be as much fun without a friend to share it with.

8km run bmo

The third thing I am freaking out about is kinda serious but I’m hoping I’ve blown it out of proportion: The doctor’s office called about my x-ray and CT scan results. I forgot my phone at home today, (felt like I was missing a vital piece of my body all day! lol), when I got home I checked my messages and I had one from the doctor’s office saying the doc wanted me to come in today as soon as I could to discuss the CT scan, I was to call them and they would fit me in. Um, what? Don’t they only want you to go in when it is something bad?? So, freak out part one! I called, as soon as I said my name the receptionist knew why I was calling (I’m hoping they were having a quiet day, not that she knows something bad is up and it is so horrifying it burned my name in to her memory…), I told her I forgot my phone and didn’t get her message till then and sorry but there was no way I could get there before the office closed (it was 4:40pm and they close at 5pm). She put me on hold, comes back and says the doc can stay till 6pm if I can get in before then to which I responded I am in the middle of cooking a stir fry so can’t really leave it, could I please go tomorrow? Freak out part two! She’s willing to stay late to see me?? OMG! She puts me on hold again, then comes back and asks if I am feverish (what?? weird!), I said no, so she said ok then tomorrow would be fine. A tad random don’t ya think? So now I have an appointment tomorrow at 4…crap, at 4 something, I can’t believe I forgot the time of the appointment! I’ll have to call them tomorrow to confirm, only me! lol 😛 Anyways! I now have an appointment with the doc tomorrow to talk about my hip and the results of the CT scan and I am freaking out because in my world you only have to go in to discuss test results when it is bad news. 😦 I don’t wanna go. *pout* If I ignore it won’t it go away? And before you say “no it won’t” I already know that cause I am the one sitting here with hip pain which I keep trying to ignore and it keeps not going away, stupid pain. Oh, and to make it worse, the pain is now in both hips not just the right hip, what the hell is going on in there? Stupid hips. sigh.

Stupid hip bones! Grr! by Elcadia on deviantArt

Stupid hip bones! Grr! by Elcadia on deviantArt

I don’t have any idea what might be wrong, which means my brain has been flying off in 20 different directions coming up with all kinds of ridiculous things it could be, none of them are positive of course lol I was so freaked out that after I got off the phone and finished cooking my dinner I stared at it for a while cause I wasn’t hungry, the news actually messed with my appetite, nothing messes with my appetite! Least not to suppress it so ya know I’m worried when I don’t want to eat…I eventually did eat but only because I didn’t want to waste the food, not out of hunger…which is ironic considering I’ve been a bottomless pit all day…

So there we have it, I am in full freaking out mode, mostly about the doctor visit and her level of insistence at seeing me as soon as can be arranged. I keep thinking it’ll end up being nothing serious and this freaking out will be for nothing and I’ll be pissed if I get a wrinkle or white hair from this but then a little part of my brain starts with the “what if it isn’t a little thing” and I’m right back to freaking out.

I think I’ll try to concentrate on the BMO Run, least that is a fun freak out topic…

I Made A Boo-Boo

3 Dec

It is totally NOT what you think! 😛 lol

I’m doing my “Lose A Pant Size By Dec 22/13” challenge, click Here to read about it, or just scroll to the top of the page and hit the Page named Nov 12/13-Dec 22/13 Challenge if you don’t know what I am yapping about.

In a nutshell, I am following a super strict eating plan (and exercising, duh lol) in an attempt to lose a pant size by Dec 22/13. I won’t go in to all the details about why etc cause I’d just be repeating what is written on the actual challenge page…just know that it is for vanity’s sake lol and it is reeeeally strict! Worth it, but strict.

Well, today I made plans to go see a movie with a friend. I was so proud, I purposefully suggested the later movie time so I would have no excuse to not exercise. No way I could run out of time in my day if I wasn’t meeting him until 8:45pm right? Right! 🙂

Thing is, I kiiiinda ran out of time, not to exercise! I went to Zumba! But to eat…oops? *cringe face* Don’t judge! It wasn’t on purpose!

I bet Cookie Monster never forgot to eat...

I bet Cookie Monster never forgot to eat…

I had a late brekkie (cause I slept in lol) then did stuff around the apartment for a while, went to Zumba, came home, made a protein shake, showered, groomed and went out. Somewhere in there I swear I intended to eat dinner, ya know, after Zumba but before going out buuuuuut it didn’t happen…

The boo-boo, if you hadn’t guessed, was that I was ridiculously under my calories for the day, especially when you factor in how many I burned while exercising. I’m already eating a small-ish amount of calories daily (1010 to be exact) but I dropped down to a number distressingly smaller than that, sigh.

So now I’m sitting here, typing away at 3 am, though the time stamp on the post won’t show that cause I always alter them before I publish a post lol, hungry, though not as hungry as I expected to be, but knowing I am not going to eat anything because I am about to go to bed. Poor tummy, it must think I hate it…

Oh, in case you were wondering, what did I do that filled in the time I should have spent cooking then eating my dinner, it was my nails. That’s right! I was doing my nails, lost track of time, then realized I didn’t have time to cook anything anymore. Some days I am such a girl lol 😛

I’m going to tell you my calories for the day, are you sitting down? Take a deep breath and try not to think too badly of me ok? I ate 506 calories, I burned 361 calories, which leaves me with a net calorie amount of…144…*braces for accusing glares and lectures*

I didn’t mean to! Honest! If I wan gonna purposefully starve myself do you think I’d be admitting it on here?! *rolls eyes*

I just know I’m gonna wake up hungry tomorrow, sigh, which will suck. Plus, all day tomorrow I will have a thought in my head that goes something like this “sure, I shouldn’t eat that, but I ate so little yesterday surely today I can splurge a little?” Horrible! It will be a horrible tempting thought that I will have to resist so as not to screw up but in the opposite direction of the way I screwed up today. Oy! lol

On that note I am going to go to bed since I have to be up early-ish, I will probably dream about food since right now, that’s pretty much all I am thinking about lol Pancakes to be specific, I am really wanting pancakes right now, which is ridiculous cause I couldn’t eat those even if I was going to eat something…maybe I’ll have them for my birthday breakfast…hmm, something to think about and possibly look forward to! lol

 

Weird Vibes

16 May

So word got out at work about my being laid off – talk about awkward! Nobody said anything directly to me, they just kept looking at me with pity and almost saying something then stopping themselves – annoying! That was worse then people coming up to me and saying stuff. sigh.

The only one who did anything was AB who commiserated with me for a bit then emailed me two links to some really great job listing boards – now that’s way better then a weird smile! 😀 I’ve scoped the boards out and already found about 5 jobs to apply for, yah! None of them are a dream job or anything but they are all jobs I should have the qualifications for and might at least have a chance to get…

I was starving all day today! All Day!! I knew it wasn’t real hunger, it was psychological, but that doesn’t make it any less hard to deal with. I had properly spaced out meals and snacks and they were all normal sizes and healthy which helped me to not cave and eat more then I should but oh geez was it hard! I kept wanting to go get a bagel, or a bowl of cereal, or go buy a scone – something…anything! I knew in my head it was stress hunger, not real hunger but I sure wish I could have convinced my stomach of that. Luckily I had some mini cucumbers with me so I ate those for an afternoon snack but if I hadn’t had those I think for sure I’d of caved. *shakes head* Hell, it’s almost 9:15pm right now and I am starving all over again even though I have eaten all my points and had a crazy huge dinner. I hate stress hunger. sigh.

Today I ate:

1 raspberry turnover cookie = 2 points

1 Hearty Medley’s = 2 points

1 apple = 1 point

1 Campbell’s Spicy fiesta black bean and veggie soup = 4 points

1/2 bagel = 1.5 points

2 mini cucumbers = 0 points

1 cup brown rice = 4 points

mixed cooked veggies = 0 points

1 light hot dog wiener = 1 point

cashews = 1 point

2 raspberry turnover cookies = 4 points

Total points eaten = 20.5

Ok, so I went over by 0.5, so shoot me. 😛 lol. The kitchen at work ran out of bread so my only option, literally Only option, was half a bagel. Maybe I shouldn’t of had any bread but how could I not put some form of bread with my soup – it’s just un-natural to eat only soup. lol. That and I really wanted some carbs. 😛

You may be wondering what is with the raspberry turnover cookies – they are such amazingly good cookies, Mmm! I bought them at walmart cause they were only $2 for a package and I was weak. shrug. They are 2 points each though so I have to be careful when I eat them and how many I eat at a time. Sooooo, one this morning before I left the house, and then cause I had stir fry for dinner and it’s so low in points I got to have 2 this evening for my night time snack. They were delish, and I don’t regret eating them but I am feeling so hungry that I wish I’d had something more filling for my last 4 points…altho, really, anything I would have eaten would have been about the same level of filling so I’d still be hungry…which sucks.

I wonder if working on my resume, thereby increasing my chances of getting a job, will decrease my stress and help my stomach to not feel hungry all the time? I think I will test this theory and go work on my resume…not fun, but productive and I guess that’s good…

I’m a Hobbit??

2 May

I feel like Sam Wise today – you know, the fat hobbit? lol. I got so crazed hungry this evening I had 2 suppers! lol 😛 Luckily that second supper fit nicely in to my points for the day – which, upon further reflection is probably why I was so hungry…having 8 points left for the day at 8pm is bound to leave a person hungry… 😉

It’s always a little hard getting back to eating only my daily points after a couple days of over eating; I don’t know if it’s psychological or actually physical but either way, it’s hard. blarg.

I wouldn’t say my food today was all that balanced food group wise, I had protein, and veggies, and a tiny bit of fruit and of course carbs, lol, can’t forget the carbs! But I didn’t have a proper food group guide amount of any of them, hey, it happens, shrug. Also, I got no exercise today, I was hoping this was going to be the week I started doing some form of exercise everyday but the weather sucked today so no hike and I had other stuff I actually had to take care of and by the time that was done, well, too late for exercising. Maybe I’ll manage it tomorrow…don’t hold your breath tho! 😉

Today I ate:

1 Quaker Instant Oatmeal, maple brown sugar = 3 points

1 banana = 1 point

1 container Butternut Squash soup = 4 points

1 teriyaki salmon steak = 3 points

mixed veggies = 0 points

1 light babybell = 1 point

2 pcs bodywise bread = 1 point

30 grams light cheese = 2 points

1 slice turkey = 0 points

1/2 tbls light miracle whip = 0 points

87 grams Just Bunches cereal = 4 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

Total Points eaten = 20! Yah! 😀

I still feel a tad hungry but I think that’s just my brain not clueing in yet that I just finished eating and am therefore actually full – I’ll give it time to sort itself out. Really, even if it doesn’t figure it out my tummy ain’t gettin no more food! It’s almost 9:30pm so too late to be eating and I have used all my daily points and don’t want to go in to my flex points – I mean come on, it’s only Monday! I can’t start using them already! *rolls eyes* Well ok, I could, quite easily, but I am not gonna, nuh-uh, I’ll give it a couple days then eat a flex point or two, ya know, when I have actually earned it in some way…lol

Well that was…bland, huh.

22 Mar

I was so looking forward to dinner tonight – all this week really. I am planning them all ahead and have known for days what I was getting for dinner tonight. I know a lot of people don’t like planning their meals ahead, they think it’s boring, but I figured it was the best way to make sure I don’t go over my points this week, shrug.

Dinner tonight was whole wheat pasta with Ragu light tomato and basil sauce suplemented with sauteed carrot and 1/4 cup of extra lean ground beef – sounds yum right? Well, I thought it did…

I am not sure if I did something wrong or just haven’t learned how to cook a meal without a recipe…or ideas from my mother. lol.

It was really bland, no real flavour. I thought the sauce was supposed to taste like, well, like something, it barely tasted like tomato! Maybe this is cause it’s the light version? I am not sure cause I haven’t bought it before…and never will again! blah. I s’pose once I realized how bland it was (which was when the food was on my plate and I was eating, lol) I could have tried adding some spices but I had no idea what to add or how much of it and to properly mix it I’d have to dump it all back in the pot – it just seemed like too much effort, lol. So, I ate a bland dinner. sigh.

I don’t know if they are related but I am also still quite hungry – I can’t decide if I am hungry cause I am hungry or cause my taste buds weren’t satisfied by my dinner and for pure taste pleasure my body wants more food…oh how to tell? lol.

I had my evening snack early – a thinsation Ritz package – and am forcing myself to not eat for a while in the hopes my stomach/brain figure out I am full…I hope my stomach/brain figure it out soon!

My food for today:

1 apple = 1 point

1 apple pear = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

2 cups V8 Carrot soup = 4 points

1 piece toast = 1 point

1 orange = 1 point

1/2 cup Ragu light tomato and basil sauce = 1 point

1/4 cup extra lean ground beef = 2 points

85 grams whole wheat pasta = 5 point

1 pckg thinsations Ritz = 2 points

Total points eaten = 19 🙂

So, I still have 1 point left for the day and luckily I still have some 1 point mini chocolate bars that I got sent from England which means once I cave and decide I am actually hungry and not just feeling deprived I will be eating one of those. 🙂 lol

I wish I could eat a Jolly Time popcorn package but sadly, I have run out of them…I’ll hafta make sure to buy some more this weekend when I go grocery shopping. They are getting harder to find, which is sad, there used to be a whole bunch of flavours on the shelf in my grocery store, now there is only one flavour (the regular butter flavour) and even that isn’t in stock very often. I thought they were always sold out but there are never any empty spots on the shelves so I think it’s just that stores don’t carry them…which I will repeat, is sad.

I’m gonna hafta find a new 1 point snack that is large-ish so I actually feel fuller after eating it instead of unchanged…hmm…this is gonna be hard…

For Absolutely No Reason What So Ever

22 Oct

Alrighty, confession time…I just ate something for absolutely no reason what so ever.  I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t have any points left I was trying to use, I didn’t have a gun to my head and a crazy person telling me to eat or they’ll shoot. I just ate. sigh.

This week has been weird, everyday I feel like I have failed. I am not sure why; when I tally up my flex points I have used 10.5 for the week so more then I would like but not more then what I am allowed. shrug. Maybe it is because I usually don’t use my flex points? I really don’t know – this may remain a mystery which would be so uncool. I almost feel  like I am self sabatoging by eating the flex points and that is bringing me down, I know that I’m not actually self sabatoging, I know I am s’posed to eat the flex points, and yet…I feel like this. double sigh.

I had errands after work and one of them took me to the grocery store, exciting huh? Anyways, they have a section where you can buy sushi made that day and for some reason I really wanted sushi. I haven’t had sushi since this whole thing started (well, ok, I had like three pieces way back in summer when hanging with my mom, so shoot me! 😛 ), the reason I haven’t eaten it is because the sushi I like best are the rolls and those are hard to calculate points for – there is the rice, the filling, the sauces…I could probably get pretty close to the number if there were no sauces on them, but hello? that’s what makes the chef’s rolls so yummy! So I haven’t been eating sushi. I had a nice big salad waiting for me in the fridge at home and was planning to go eat that but somehow I ended up in the sushi section and you guessed it, I bought and then ate sushi. It was pretty good, I got Spicy Shrimp Mayo rolls – I normally don’t eat those cause I don’t go in for spicy but as soon as I saw them that was what I wanted. And who am I to ignore a craving? lol.

I have noticed that this week, that I am craving things I normally don’t and things I normally like to eat are turning me off. Weird, huh? I wonder if I am missing something in my diet and my body is sending me signals I can’t properly interpret in an attempt to get what it needs…thing is though, I have read a couple different studies that say the myth that we crave certain foods because our bodies are missing something that food has is just that, a myth. Someone probably made it up to give an excuse for all the chocolate they eat! lol.

Today I ate:

29 grams Special K Vanilla Almond = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

1 BodyWise bagel = 2 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 cup Fire Roasted Sweet Pepper and Tomato soup = 2 points

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1/2 cup cottage cheese = 2 points

Sushi, Spicy Shrimp Mayo rolls = 10 points

1 Thinsations Fudge Dipped Bar = 1 point

So a total of 24 points for the day. I normally try to be more careful on fridays, not use my flex points since I will be weighing in tomorrow but when I was done the sushi I was already one point over for the day and I was still, hmm, I was going to say I was still hungry but that isn’t right, I just still wanted to eat. shrug.

This is the problem that is plaguing me this evening – I am not hungry but I want to eat. Even now, when I know how many points I have eaten, when I know I am not hungry, when I know it is late-ish and I shouldn’t eat I want to eat. Argh!! What’s up with that? sigh. Goes with the week I am having I guess. *rolls eyes* I am gonna watch a bit of tv then go to bed early, pathetic for a friday evening I know, lol, but I have to get away from the kitchen and if I am sleeping I can’t be eating!

Oh! quick side note! That Thinsations Fudge Dipped  Bar I ate, soooo yum! Mom told me about them and I spent weeks looking for them, of course, the week I stopped looking for them is when I found them in the grocery store, lol. They are like an oreo and a cake all wrapped in chocolate – that’s not quite the right description but it’s the best I have, and the best part is each bar is only 1 point! Most Thinsations foods are 2 points per serving so this is a bonus at only 1 point and it’s a really decent portion size too. 😀 If you can find them, and you like chocolate, I say buy them, totally worth the money and points!

Oh Ack, That Was Disgusting! blech

20 Oct

I have been baking with pumpkin all through October…well, ok, saying “all through” makes it sound like I was baking everyday when really it was once a week but whatever. lol. So, I have some left over and was saying at work I might turn it in to scones, cause yum to pumpkin scones! Well, AB at work suggested I turn it in to soup and she told me how…

I put the pureed pumpkin in a pot (the pureed pumpkin came from a can – I didn’t puree it myself), I add milk until it is at the consistency I like my soup, I heat it, depending on my preference I add suger or salt to taste, and voila, pumpkin soup.

Well, I did that – did exactly what she said…and when I went to taste it I gagged – it tasted like warmed thick milk, ugh. Note to self: don’t attempt to make pumpkin soup like that again.

Experiences like this are why I stick to baking, lol. 😛

Today I ate:

29 grams Special K Vanilla Almond = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 small banana = 1 point

1 cup mixed fresh fruit = 1 point

1/2 cup cottage cheese = 2 points

1/2 cup Heinz Original Baked Beans = 2 points

1 Body Wise bagel = 2 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 Ricotta and Spinach Chicken Breast = 3 points

85 grams Alexia Sweet Potatoe fries = 3 points

mixed veggies = 0 points

1 Activia = 2 points

I have eaten 20 points so far and am looking forward to enjoying 2 shortbread cookies, Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

Actually, I am still feeling fairly hungry…not sure why, I have eaten a normal amount of food by this point in the day. shrug. I will probably eat the cookies and see if after those I still need something, sigh, I may be dipping in to some flex points! Isn’t it weird how some days you are just more hungry? I was alright during the day but, shrug, towards the evening my tummy apparently decided it was empty and being mistreated. lol. 😛 silly tummy!

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