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Tag Archives: overweight

Things I Don’t Even Think About Anymore

22 Nov

I was texting with a friend today who lives in AB, she’s one of my closest friends and it sucks that we live far apart now…yeah yeah, I know, it’s my fault since I’m the one that moved but whatever. So, NH is someone who matters so so so much to me but she is driving me abso-frickin-lutely nuts in one aspect of life and there is nothing I can do about it, arg!

NH is quite large, she’s always been a bit bigger, nothing horrible but over the past couple years she’s gone from being a bit bigger to being so large that I fear for her health. She’s about half a year older then me so she’s in her early 30’s and all I think when I see her is she’s gonna be a statistic for young(-ish) women who die early from obesity related medical problems. I hate it! I want to shake her and make her take better care of herself, I want to breath down her neck 24/7 and insist she make better food and activity choices, I want to be rich so I can hire a platoon of dieticians and trainers and life coaches and force her to get healthier. I don’t care about her size for any reason except for how it affects her health and I care about her health because I am selfish, she is my friend and I want her around for a long long time but the rate she’s going I’ll lose her earlier then needed and then I’ll have to bring her back to life so I can smack her around and well, that’ll just be messy…and weird…

She’s large enough that her doctor prescribed her some weight loss pills that are freakin hard to get without her even asking for them, the doctor saw she needed to lose weight and seemed to think putting her on medication to help jump start the process was the way to go. I could have told her to save the ink with which she wrote the prescription cause I know NH, I know she won’t take those pills and I was right, sadly. She says she kept forgetting or not getting around to it, she also is a big user of the phrase “I’ll start on Monday”, the amount of times she told me she was gonna start taking those pills the following Monday is ridiculous…and she never took any of them. I don’t judge her for not taking the pills, a lot of people are uncomfie with diet pills, but she didn’t take them because she doesn’t want to face her weight or that she should lose some of it, she is really good at just ignoring what she doesn’t like…and really, I can’t judge her for that either cause I am the same way lol

I had a little tiny light of hope inside me that if I lost enough weight on Weight Watchers she’d see the difference when I visit, and hear me speak about how easy the program is and she’d realize she could do it too. I guess I was hoping I’d lead by example…stupid. No matter how many times I’ve visited, how many times she’s seen me getting smaller, how many times I talk about my healthier eating and portion control, how many times I suggest we do active things when I am visiting,  none of it matters, she just keeps going on the path she is on.

So, back to today when we were texting, I was on a bus and I made a comment about how some guy on there had KFC and it smelled oh so good and oh well it’s too bad I don’t eat fast food anymore. Not that I was a huge KFC fan back before my Weight Watchers days, it’s more like I knew back then I had the option whereas now I don’t consider them an option no matter what the circumstance, they are just gone from my list-of-places-to-get-food-from-list that is in my head. Her comment was that I had good willpower lol. I responded saying somedays it was hard but the only fast food I allow myself is Subway and it’s always a 6″, always on the 9 grain bread and always from the low cal sub options (usually the turkey, loaded with veggies, topped with mustard and half the normal amount of the light mayo), I stressed the subs are always so tasty and I’d rather eat that then something from McD’s etc that will leave me feeling ick even though I really miss McD’s, *big epic sigh*

That got me thinking though, about how rules I created for myself when I was starting Weight Watchers have become so ingrained I don’t even think about them anymore. I used to have to work really hard to avoid the fast food places, especially McD’s – they are a huuuuge weakness of mine. But over time, I stopped having to work at it, I just don’t go to those places anymore. If I am out and get hungry and can’t make it back home so I can make my own meal I don’t think “oh, guess I’ll pick up a burger!” I either starve till I get home, buy a bottle of water, get gum or go to Subway. I also got in to a habit of packing little snacks in my purse and a bottle of water if I am going to be out for longer then a couple hours as a just-in-case…that has saved me so many times! lol But see, there is another rule, the bring-food-with-me rule that I don’t even think about anymore, I just do it.

Some other rules I automatically follow are: get off the bus early and walk a bit extra, have half my dinner plate be veggies, use the small plate not the big plate for my meals, drink more water then anything else (sometimes I swap out tea for this but come on, tea is water…with flavour! lol), when I eat out get them to automatically box up half the meal before it’s even brought to me, put salad dressings etc on the side and dip my fork in, order from the healthy section of the menu, eat fish before chicken and chicken before beef and beef before pork and veggies before all of those, have a little nibble everyday of something that tempts me so I don’t feel deprived (I buy Weight Watchers 1 point little chocolate bite sized thingys – they are like baby peppermint patties and baby bounty bars, omg so yum!)

I made these rules so I wouldn’t screw up when I was first starting out on my weight loss journey, now I don’t consider them rules, just ways of being, ways of living, shrug. My friends that I hang out with all the time know I will sit with them if they want to grab a bite to eat somewhere unhealthy but I won’t eat there. I’m perfectly happy to sit and chill while they chow down on some McD’s or Burger King or whatever just as long as they are ok with stopping at Subway afterwards so I can grab a bite. This works for us, and hasn’t caused an issue yet, which is nice. 🙂

I wonder, what rules I live by now that in a years time I will no longer consider rules but ways of living…kinda makes me want to come up with some snazzy new rules just to see how long they last lol. 😛

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I Can’t Believe I Forgot!

20 Feb

So, yeah, I forgot about you…who you? You who read my blog! It’s the weekend, I weigh in on the weekends so I always blog on the weekend to let you know how that went and somehow, by some weird mystery of the universe I forgot! Aaaahhhhhhh! Crazed! 😛

I knew I wasn’t going to be able to blog on Saturday cause of errands, then work and then getting home from work stupid late (even later then I had planned cause the job ran late, so boo cause I was way tired but yah cause extra moola!) but today? Simple quiet Sunday, you’d think I’d have been on the comp way earlier, but no, I actually did stuff today, weirdness. Not fun stuff, lol, just errands and then sorting my closet and cleaning my room – it’s still messy btw, my cleaning only got partly done and I got bored with it, lol, but there I was, contemplating reading for an hour before trying to fall asleep and all of a sudden, bam!, I remembered you! 🙂

Try not to take it too personally, I have a flighty forgetful personality. 😀 😉

Ok, let’s recap Saturday’s big evilness – both of them! The first was the blood test, ugh, they took 4 vials of my blood! FOUR!! Vampires! Grr. Who knows what the results will be or when I will get them, shrug, but at least that is done with. Oh, and you should all be proud of me cause I managed to let the lady draw my blood without me swearing at her or kicking her…you think that’s a joke but I have done both, more then once. What can I say, it’s reflex! I think part of it was cause I warned her in advance my body doesn’t like giving up my blood and my veins are stupid tiny so she used a thinner needle (like kids sized thinner lol) and it was all good. She didn’t have to do that thing where she sticks the needle in then wiggles it around trying to get in the vein or stick me multiple times cause she can’t hit the vein, and she only had to poke the one arm! No trying both arms hoping one will be better then the other (which neither one is better then the other, they are both small veined and resistant to letting blood be taken from them) so really, it was a not so bad experience. 🙂 After that was over I treated myself to Vietnamese food for lunch – my deal with myself was if I didn’t kick or swear I was allowed a treat and that was it. 😀 I tried a new restaurant, it’s near my place and I was really hoping I’d have a new regular spot cause man, I looooove Vietnamese food but alas, not so much. I got the food as take out (I prefer eating at my house) and ordered a dish I have often cause I knew I’d like it (I like doing that with new restaurants, ordering a dish I know what it should be like so I have previous experience to compare the food to) Now, the food was very yummy, beef was super tender, everything tasted really great, but it was expensive! Cost me way more for that dish then in other Vietnamese restaurants I have been in so, sadness, probably won’t go back there again. I s’pose one good thing about the price is for 2 spring rolls it was $8 so I didn’t order them thereby saving me calories lol. Looks like my cheapness has benefits besides saving my bank account from screaming. 😉 😛

Saturday's Lunch, Grilled Beef w/ Vermicelli

So, the even better part of Saturday? My weigh in! Yeah I know, who’d of thunk right? lol. I lost 1 pound! Yah! 😀 😀 😀 Puts me at 28.6 pounds lost total. 😀 Can’t be unhappy with that! lol.

Two great things to celebrate, losing weight and not kicking the lady who took my blood. What an awesome start to a Saturday. lol. My evening job went really great too, lasted an hour and a half longer then planned and I got a tip so woohoo! I will put that cheque in the bank tomorrow, it’ll help make up for the days I missed at my weekday job cause of being sick. Phew!

Let’s see, Sunday…it was one of those days where I woke up and my first real thought was “I’m gonna end up eating over my daily points” Do you ever have those days? What’s weird is I don’t know why I thought that, not like I was hungry, or planning to meet up with someone to eat out, shrug, don’t know, just a feeling I had. Well, I did go over but only by like half a point so that’s not so bad. It was one of those days where I wasn’t hungry, but I wanted to eat, and when I wanted to eat I wanted to eat everything which made it hard to pick what to eat cause for every one item I pick I will have to discard like 4 other options and I was apparently very unable to make food decisions today. Annoying. I ended up eating a croissant breakfast sandwich that I made cause well, the croissant was bought friday evening so it didn’t have many days left of being fresh and no way I could fit a 5 point bread item in to my food plan on a normal day, so there we go, one decision made. lol. I mostly ate bits of this, pieces of that…no realy organization to my food. I thought I was actually gonna end up 2 points under cause I went to clean my room and by the time I stopped I was thinking more about bed then anything else but I was foiled when I came out to the kitchen to get my lunch for tomorrow ready, what can I say, I got around food and my stomach let me know in no uncertain terms it wanted food. lol. Ah well, not like being under in points is good either so I’d rather be a tiny bit over then under by 2 – I’m actually still trying to convince myself of this. lol.

Oh, tip for you, when buying a croissant, the Safeway Bakery is way better then Wal-Mart Bakery. I don’t know why I was so surprised by this, shrug, I guess I thought a croissant is a croissant and how could it be screwed up but nope, Wal-Mart totally managed to make them be nowhere near as good as normal. *rolls eyes* The last 2 croissants I ate (before today) were from Wal-Mart, then todays was from Safeway, yeah, Safeways was totally better and still nice and moist even though I bought it Friday evening…the ones from Wal-Mart go hard and stale by the next morning. Not cool. 😛

For Absolutely No Reason What So Ever

22 Oct

Alrighty, confession time…I just ate something for absolutely no reason what so ever.  I wasn’t hungry, I didn’t have any points left I was trying to use, I didn’t have a gun to my head and a crazy person telling me to eat or they’ll shoot. I just ate. sigh.

This week has been weird, everyday I feel like I have failed. I am not sure why; when I tally up my flex points I have used 10.5 for the week so more then I would like but not more then what I am allowed. shrug. Maybe it is because I usually don’t use my flex points? I really don’t know – this may remain a mystery which would be so uncool. I almost feel  like I am self sabatoging by eating the flex points and that is bringing me down, I know that I’m not actually self sabatoging, I know I am s’posed to eat the flex points, and yet…I feel like this. double sigh.

I had errands after work and one of them took me to the grocery store, exciting huh? Anyways, they have a section where you can buy sushi made that day and for some reason I really wanted sushi. I haven’t had sushi since this whole thing started (well, ok, I had like three pieces way back in summer when hanging with my mom, so shoot me! 😛 ), the reason I haven’t eaten it is because the sushi I like best are the rolls and those are hard to calculate points for – there is the rice, the filling, the sauces…I could probably get pretty close to the number if there were no sauces on them, but hello? that’s what makes the chef’s rolls so yummy! So I haven’t been eating sushi. I had a nice big salad waiting for me in the fridge at home and was planning to go eat that but somehow I ended up in the sushi section and you guessed it, I bought and then ate sushi. It was pretty good, I got Spicy Shrimp Mayo rolls – I normally don’t eat those cause I don’t go in for spicy but as soon as I saw them that was what I wanted. And who am I to ignore a craving? lol.

I have noticed that this week, that I am craving things I normally don’t and things I normally like to eat are turning me off. Weird, huh? I wonder if I am missing something in my diet and my body is sending me signals I can’t properly interpret in an attempt to get what it needs…thing is though, I have read a couple different studies that say the myth that we crave certain foods because our bodies are missing something that food has is just that, a myth. Someone probably made it up to give an excuse for all the chocolate they eat! lol.

Today I ate:

29 grams Special K Vanilla Almond = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

1 BodyWise bagel = 2 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 cup Fire Roasted Sweet Pepper and Tomato soup = 2 points

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1/2 cup cottage cheese = 2 points

Sushi, Spicy Shrimp Mayo rolls = 10 points

1 Thinsations Fudge Dipped Bar = 1 point

So a total of 24 points for the day. I normally try to be more careful on fridays, not use my flex points since I will be weighing in tomorrow but when I was done the sushi I was already one point over for the day and I was still, hmm, I was going to say I was still hungry but that isn’t right, I just still wanted to eat. shrug.

This is the problem that is plaguing me this evening – I am not hungry but I want to eat. Even now, when I know how many points I have eaten, when I know I am not hungry, when I know it is late-ish and I shouldn’t eat I want to eat. Argh!! What’s up with that? sigh. Goes with the week I am having I guess. *rolls eyes* I am gonna watch a bit of tv then go to bed early, pathetic for a friday evening I know, lol, but I have to get away from the kitchen and if I am sleeping I can’t be eating!

Oh! quick side note! That Thinsations Fudge Dipped  Bar I ate, soooo yum! Mom told me about them and I spent weeks looking for them, of course, the week I stopped looking for them is when I found them in the grocery store, lol. They are like an oreo and a cake all wrapped in chocolate – that’s not quite the right description but it’s the best I have, and the best part is each bar is only 1 point! Most Thinsations foods are 2 points per serving so this is a bonus at only 1 point and it’s a really decent portion size too. 😀 If you can find them, and you like chocolate, I say buy them, totally worth the money and points!

Double Tap

24 Sep

teehee, double tap has absolutely nothing to do with my post I just really wanted to type it. It’s from the movie Zombieland which I just finished watching and enjoyed. It was funny; not crazy funny, not laugh out loud funny, but funny.Ya know?

I am about to re-watch  The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, seen that? I saw it in theatre and was floored by how amazingly great it was. I don’t understand why LA feels the need to remake the movie in english, what? Is all of north america so fricken lazy that they can’t read sub-titles?? This has become a pet peeve of mine, recently, as recent as oh, say, this past summer when I saw the movie in theatre. lol. I never really thought about it before but man, this movie rocks and should be allowed to stand on its own but for some reason they are gonna re-make it and since no other country has as much money to put in to a movie as the states it’s gonna get over shadowed, it’s just wrong. Luckily they have already finished filming the third in the trilogy so hopefully I will get to see the third in theatre before it gets shelfed in north america for the english speaking version.

And boy, that’s a lot of rambling about something that has nothing to do with my weight loss path…or does it? teehee. It is connected in that I love movies, could spend my entire day immersed in them and this I am sure has affected how I see the world, how I see people…how I see myself. I have crappy self esteem and a completely negative personal body image. I hate seeing myself in a mirror, in pictures…anywhere. I prefer going through my day not seeing what I look like – then I can imagine I look the way I feel I should look, the way my inner self looks. I think we all have inner selves but maybe you don’t, maybe it’s just me and I am a little bit weirder then I realized. lol. Don’t you have an image you think you project to the world in your head and every now and then you see yourself in a mirror and realize you are way off base? That the self-confident able to handle anything look you think you have actually looks like an overweight frumpy boring person?

Now, deep deep down I know I don’t look like a self-confident able to handle anything person, but I like to think I do and when I can’t see what I look like I can imagine I do…make sense? It’s all about tricking myself and I gotta say, I have gotten fairly good at it over the years. 😛 I am not one of those people who blames my body image issues on media, I don’t think it is the fault of movies or tv or magazines or books…sure most of the women I see and read are thin and beautiful in their own way but hey, I am working on the thin part and then, well, I won’t be beautiful but I will be quirky looking, thin and quirky…that’s a perfectly acceptable look, especially in the entertainment industry which I am hoping to break in to soon. Ya gotta work with what ya got, and ya gotta be honest about it…which means I have to be honest with  myself with what I will be cast as and a 5’8″ red haired blue eyed lady isn’t easy to cast, durn my red hair. sigh. I s’pose I could say “why wasn’t I born blonde?” but if I had my choice of any hair colour it’d be jet black and that’d be just as hard to cast as the red so ah well, I shall work with what I have. 😀 hmmm, all that sounds like a whiny babble and I s’pose it is but it doesn’t bother me all that much, not really. Sometimes I think about it, usually when it’s the day before weigh in day and I am inwardly freaking out about having to step on that stupid scale, but most days I can push it aside. 🙂 

I should stop looking at myself in the mirror in the bathroom, lol, sounds stupid I know but twice a day everyday I do a body scan, I turn, look at myself at different angles, try to see where the fat is coming off, and when I look in the evening I am poofier then in the mornings cause it’s end of day and this means I get all “it’s not working, I swear I am just as big as when I started…” blah blah blah. Seriously mirrors are bad bad things…maybe if the world got rid of mirrors none of us would have body image issues cause we would never really know what we look like…or maybe I should just not look in one right before I post cause man this did turn in to a ramble…oops…

Here’s what I ate today:

29 grams Honey Nut Cheerios = 2 points

1/2 cup skim milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

mixed raw veggies = 0 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 Lean Cuisine Honey Mustard Chicken = 5 points

1 english muffin = 3 points

1 battered frozen fish fillet = 4 points

1/2 cup mashed yam = 1.5 points

cooked mixed veg = 0 points

3 tbls Veggie Caviar = 1 point

20 Breton Minis = 2 points

This is a total of 22.5 points which would be perfect except that I am really hungry…hmm, don’t know what happened there. I should be fine, I ate spaced out meals like I am s’posed to but here it is 10:30pm and I feel like I could eat a meal…sigh. I know I have flex points and I am gonna hafta use some I just can’t figure out what to eat…I still have it set in my head to never ever use them so trying to figure out what to use them on is hard…what is really worth my flex points? The bigger question is how many of them do I want to use? Seriously, feel like I could eat a meal here but I don’t want to use that many this late in the day…must find a snack! Off to the kitchen I go…I’ll type ya after weigh in tomorrow…man, I shouldn’t think of that, now I want chocolate. lol. 😛

EDIT:

so for my snack I had 1/2 cup cottage cheese and an apple, that put me at 25.5 points for the day which is not so bad considering. 🙂

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