Carbs and Chocolate

All I have wanted this entire week is carbs and chocolate – and lemme tell ya, it’s been hard to resist the wanting…most of the time I haven’t resisted, I caved…no, not just caved, I jumped off the diving board marked willpower and cannon balled into a pool of liquid chocolate that had bread pieces for dipping. YUM! 😀 lol

I keep dipping a spoon in to my jar of Nutella and not writing it down in my tracker – after all, a little spoonful of Nutella doesn’t count right? HA! Maybe not that first spoonful but the multiple spoonfuls since then sure do add up! 😛

Part of me feels badly about my eating this week, I’ve been eating all kinds of bad-for-me foods and I am definitely scared for weigh in day tomorrow – oh man, that scale is gonna show such a not good number, I can feel it! Even though I feel a bit bad I don’t feel as crappy as one would expect – I think it’s cause it’s been such a shitty week and those various foods I ate are the only things that kept me sane.

What can I say – certain foods are classified “comfort foods” for a reason.

Monday: crap news at work about work – I had a personal sized pizza and dessert bread sticks for dinner.

Thursday: guy at work made a comment that made me feel  like I weigh 1000 lbs, I drank a small milkshake and over the course of the day ate 5 pancakes, 3 of which had nutella spread on them.

I baked cookies last Sunday and ate some everyday until they were completely gone, I believe the last day they were around was Tuesday – so that’s 3 days of eating cookies.

Friday (today): ate over my points deliberately cause I neeeeeded chocolate and couldn’t find a way to not eat it (admittedly, I didn’t try very hard to find a way to not eat it…hormones ya know?)

So, hmm, looking back, bad week? Yes! As bad as I feel it was? Oddly enough, No. Go fig. I thought I overate everyday and it looks like I didn’t, which is good, but the pizza and dessert breadsticks put me so far in to my flex points on Monday that really, I should have been uber careful the rest of the week to ensure I didn’t use all my flex points for the week. But yeah, I didn’t. Instead I was ruled by hormones and emotions and ate my feelings…

I used to do that a lot more often, eat my feelings I mean. If a day was good -celebrate with food. If a day was bad – make myself feel better with food. No matter what happened in a day I could find some “reason” to over eat or eat something that was really bad for me (usually fast food, oh how I miss McD’s lol) I have been trying to stop doing that but some days (weeks) I totally fall back in to the habit.

Also, I find if I have a day where I cave and eat something I shouldn’t (say, a cookie or pancakes with nutella on them) then the next day it’s even harder to not eat something on par with that treat. Like, I did it yesterday and didn’t combust so why can’t I eat it again today? I know in my head why I can’t treat myself like that everyday – long term I’d gain all my weight back, but in the moment it can be really hard to remember that.

So yeah, the week has sucked – on a personal front, a work front and a food front. 😦 Luckily, the week is over and I am fully expecting next week to be better – not cause I have some inside knowledge about next week, I am expecting it to be better because well, cause I say it will be! lol So there! 🙂

Tags: binge eating, cheating, chocolate, diet, fat, nutella, weight loss, weight watchers