Advertisements
Tag Archives: weight watchers

The Weight Watchers Plunge

15 Jun

Last Sunday on my lunch break I said “screw it” and I signed up for Weight Watchers. And not in the I’m-doing-it-on-my-own kind of way but in the for real, paid money, am officially a member of Weight Watchers kind of way. It kinda feels like I’ve joined a cult…but full of nice people and so far none of them have asked me to drink anything suspicious or pledge allegiance to anything weird…or anything at all lol πŸ˜›

I chose to attend meetings as well as use the online resources, might as well utilize everything they have to offer, right? Right! Since I signed up online on Sunday that is my official start date even though I wasn’t able to attend a meeting until today, Wednesday. At first I was going to wait to start tracking my food and figuring out the system until my first meeting but changed my mind and started using the app and the website on the Sunday when I clued in to the fact that I was already paying for the services so I shouldn’t waste four days of access to the WW Β info. This stuff ain’t cheap!

When you first sign in to the website you get asked a bunch of questions, the answers are apparently used to personalize not only the program to me but also the information that will be sent to me. So like, recipes, exercise ideas, food tips, and other such things. I’m thinking the more personalized the program is the better it will work for people…I hope!

I’ve gotta say, so far I have been kind of sucking at the whole Weight Watchers lifestyle, sigh. Which was not what I was expecting! Although, I did cook a healthy dinner yesterday instead of just eating some toast and a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter after I looked at my points tally for the day and realized I couldn’t just eat willy-nilly and not go over my daily points. So I guess that is something…a teeny tiny baby step towards progress perhaps? πŸ˜‰

Today at my meeting I got given 4 different booklets:

  • a mini journal, I take it each week to meetings and use it to track my official weigh ins. It also has a section for you to write your reasons why you are starting this journey, what your final weight goal is and even a section to write down ideas on how I can be good to myself.
  • the next booklet is the Pocket Guide, this booklet has a food list with corresponding points, a portion estimate guide and FitPoints charts. Oh, there is also a note section at the back.
  • the third, and I think most important booklet is the “Your Plan Guide” which has everything in it. It is basically the how-to book for the entire program, it explains how the program works, how the points work, suggestions for how to distribute your points throughout the day, goal setting, fitness, and being kind to yourself. There are also recipes, meal plans, no-count option list, different fitness / exercise ideas meant to fit in to different increments of time (1 minute, 5 minutes, 10 minutes and 15 minutes) and a bunch of other stuff – I’ll go in to more detail another day, after I’ve had a chance to read the whole thing.
  • the fourth and final booklet is a weekly booklet, I guess I get a new one each week. From what I can tell each week covers a new topic and the leader has a more in-depth version that she uses to direct the meeting. This weeks topic was about self-talk, how we think of ourselves and others and how it can affect your weight loss. A stat shared this evening said that a study showed that people experience 75% more weight loss when they have improved self-image, partly because they tend to treat themselves better and make better choices.

So I wanted to show you what the books look like but as soon as I put them down the cat decided he haaaaad to check them out lol I eventually managed to convince him to move – by plucking him up and holding him in a death grip while rearranging the books and taking the picture lol

The overall theme to this weeks meeting was: Be Positive!

Some ways to do that are to remember to give myself credit for putting effort in to changing. Be positive about how I think about myself. Remember that no matter how slow the progress or how many times I stumble I am ahead of those who are not trying.

Some ways to work on being more successful are to really question myself when I feel hungry. I might actually be bored, or thirsty, or emotional, or who knows what. By questioning myself before heading in to the kitchen I should be able to decrease my mindless eating which can only lead to good things. πŸ™‚

Even though I am keeping track of everything using the app I bought the tracking journal when at the meeting this evening. I really like writing things down, something about being able to flip through the pages of the book to see what I did a week ago vs hitting the previous page button on my phone, I dunno, it is a tactile thing, shrug, just go with it, ok? The book cost me $12 and is good for three months. It is an unfortunate brown colour, ugh, but otherwise I like it.

2016-06-16 00.24.05

The actual tracking page (on the left) is pretty simplistic, you put the date at the top, write down your foods and their corresponding point values, then tally everything at the bottom. There is a line for putting how many of your weekly points you used, in case you went over your daily points. There is also a section for writing down your exercise and corresponding FitPoints earned. At the end of each week there is a 20:20 Hindsight page (on the right), where you can write down all kinds of things. Then there are a couple of pages for notes. Each week is the same, the only thing that changes is the weekly quote, this weeks is:

Some days you just have to create your own sunshine.

At the end of the book are a bunch of pages for notes. I am using one page to remember how many daily and weekly points I get as well as my weight. I know I have the little booklet to keep track of my weight loss but I figure I’ll write it in this book also since this book is only for three months and the little one I take to meetings goes for 16 weeks and well, I dunno, I figure one day the two books will get separated but I’ll probably keep the journal so if I check it out one day a long time from now it might be nice to see the progress I made…or depressing, depending on how this goes… πŸ˜‰

Advertisements

Another New Plan

9 May

I feel like I am always coming up with new plans that never work out. New plans to eat healthier, work out more, lose weight, get stronger, blah blah blah.

I know I am not alone with this, this random stage where ideas are hatched, plans are formed and possibly even followed through for a while but then discarded for all sorts of “reasons” only to leave room for regret because follow through was once again not your thing. I read other peoples’ blogs, I’ve read this story many times over. And each time I feel for that person, because it is a sucky stage. Every time I start the cycle over again, and then fail, I get more demoralized and convinced I will never lose this weight…I’m pretty sure others feel the same.

Plus, it must be super boring to come here to see what I wrote about only to read about yet another Great Plan but a couple weeks later realize I haven’t commented on my new Great Plan in a while.

I firmly believe to be successful at any weight loss plan you have to hit your breaking point, or as a friend calls it, have your “a-ha!” moment. I had that back when I initially lost all my weight but this time around, with all these different plans, and ideas, and attempts I hadn’t had it. I don’t know why I hadn’t had it, it’s not like I didn’t want to succeed, shrug, but for whatever reason it just hadn’t happened.

Yesterday though, it happened.

Gotta say, it was pretty awesome. πŸ™‚

I’d been toying with actually signing up for Weight Watchers, starting next month, cause I can’t afford it this month, if only to get me started. But for some reason that idea wasn’t inspiring me.

I toyed with trying to find the money to get a personal trainer for however many sessions to get me in to a routine and force me to be less lazy. But the cost of a trainer didn’t appeal to me and again, something about it didn’t feel right.

Then out of nowhere I thought about the old meal plan I used to follow, the high protein, high healthy fat, low carb meal plan combined with daily exercise. It was hard core, hard to maintain even when I was super dedicated, and kind of miserable at times because I was eating almost the exact same thing every day. Plus, the plan has you tracking your micro-nutrients and the amount of carbs I was allowed was soooooo low and I love carbs soooooo much, it was kinda sucky at times lol.

But…it worked!

When I started that plan I had already lost over 30 pounds, I was trying to get that last 5-10 pounds and tighten up. This means I was already in the mind set of watching what I ate, and working out often, and was used to following a healthy life routine. Plus, I was starting all that exercise when I was in better shape than I am now so while it was a challenge it was do-able.

This time I am starting farther away from my goal and I am trying to be realistic about what I can handle so I don’t end up quitting.

I don’t want to eat the exact same foods, in the same order, 7 days a week. I don’t want to never splurge. I don’t want to order salad with no dressing topped with a grilled chicken breast every single time I eat out because that is the only “safe” meal I can find on a menu.

I know to hit my goal I will need to make sacrifices and I am ok with that. I won’t get where I want to be without stopping habits I have formed and routinely doing things I haven’t been doing.

But I can’t just half-ass this. I need a plan, a detailed, written out plan that I can refer back to when my brain blanks on day 2 and I can’t remember what the hell I am supposed to be doing for breakfast lol

So I wrote down all the foods I ate on that plan, then I tweaked a bit. Instead of only eating chicken and tuna for my protein I added lean beef burger patties, fish steaks, hard boiled eggs, maybe quinoa (I’m currently researching to decide if the protein I’ll get from quinoa is worth the carbs).

I decided that I’d be allowed 1/2 to 1 tablespoon of dressing on my salads. I might even let myself have cheese every now and then…crazy huh? πŸ˜‰

Then, after thinking of little tweaks I wrote down what I will eat and where (at work or at home) on the different days of the week. This might seem strange but I did it because three days of the week I have no structure decided by work. Two days of the week I work 3p-9p and 2 days of the week I work 7a-3p. When I started this job the transition to my odd work schedule threw me off, because this meal plan was not only food specific but very structured for how far apart the different meals were eaten and where in the day you exercised in relation to your meals. I couldn’t make every day the same anymore and I quickly spiraled in to not following a plan because I couldn’t follow my plan perfectly.

I’m hoping by being a bit more relaxed with the timing, and being willing to switch things up a bit, I can make it work.

For instance, I am supposed to start my day with 1/2 an apple and a simple protein shake. Then a half hour to 45 minutes later have one egg, 2 slices of turkey bacon and the other half of the apple. Well sure, that is fine on my days off and my days where I start work at 3pm but the days I work at 7am? Uh yeah, not gonna happen. So, the days I start at 7am I will have 1/2 cup of oatmeal for breakfast when I am at work.

Does it follow the rules of the plan exactly? No. Is it something I can actually do, that is relatively healthy, and maintainable? Yup.

I have to be ok with these little changes. And sure, maybe I’ll get more hard core as I really get in to things and revert back to how it was last time I followed this plan but I have to ease in to that level of dedication, re-drink the kool-aid so to speak lol

keep-calm-and-drink-the-kool-aid-8

I am so psyched to start this new plan but I won’t be following it properly until Saturday because I have to wait for Friday to be able to buy groceries so until then I will make do with what foods I already have. I can increase my protein since I already have protein rich foods. I can work on the timing of my meals, so I get used to that structure again. I can start to cut out unnecessary carbs (sadness 😦 ) and I’ve already got my grocery list written and ready to be filled.

Maybe this lull before I can start this plan full time is a good thing, it will allow me to prep and plan and psych myself up even more. πŸ™‚

meal plan

This is an example of my meal plans for the different types of days I have. It isn’t exact or set in stone. The proteins can be swapped out and moved from one day to the next. For ease of making the document I put in mostly chicken but I have another page written up with other meal ideas that are high protein, low carb, high healthy fat. Plus, I’ll have to work on the timing, figure out where my exercise fits in to each day and maneuver some meals around that – my large protein shake for instance will best benefit me if I have it after I exercise. So I will probably end up moving that to when I am home after my 3p-9p shift because I tend to work out after that shift rather than prior. But it is a framework for me to move within, which is what I know I need to succeed.

So ok, sorry to bore you with the food portion of my “Great Plan”. But writing this and putting it out in to the world helps me, it helps me stay committed to the plan (theoretically) and helps me believe I can make it work.

I feel I should warn you my next post will probably be about the exercising portion of my new plan, especially since I’ve already started the workouts lol

Three Yoghurts and a Soup…and Pie

13 Aug

Sorta fell off the wagon with my writing on here, sorry!

So since my last post I have eaten three more of the American yoghurts and one soup.

I’ll just write about these in the order I ate them, ok? πŸ™‚

Harvest Peach

Harvest Peach

The first of the three is Harvest Peach, it is one of the Weight Watchers yoghurts so it was 2 points and does not contain aspartame…not that I actually care about that, I mean c’mon, I drink so much diet coke half my blood is probably aspartame lol πŸ˜‰

Anyways…it was good, not oh-my-god-amazing or anything but good. It tasted like peaches, which is the point of the flavour so points to them for that lol

I think the reason I am not raving about it is because it was my night time snack waaaay back on Monday after I had some totally delicious banana cream pie for dinner.

Yes you read that right lol I’m trying to feel guilty or ashamed by the fact that I had pie for dinner but I don’t, shrug. A friend at work made me a personal sized banana cream pie when she found out it is my favourite type of pie, how awesome is that!

Home made banana cream pie

Home made banana cream pie

I don’t know if you can tell the size of the pie from that picture, the blue dish it is resting on is a dinner plate, the medium sized one that comes in a set, so it wasn’t a full size pie at all. It was pretty much perfect for one person. πŸ™‚

I’m pretty sure anything I ate after the pie would have gotten a review of “ok” cause how do you beat banana cream pie? The answer is you don’t! lol

The next yoghurt was…

Boston Cream Pie

Boston Cream Pie

Boston Cream Pie! Because apparently I was on a pie kick lol Actually I pick them randomly from the fridge so I never know what flavour I am getting next.

Not gonna lie, I had high hopes for this one since Boston Cream Pie is my favourite doughnut. I’ve never actually had a slice of Boston Cream Pie so the only thing I had to compare the yoghurt to was the doughnut and well, no, just no. The yoghurt tasted so fake, it wasn’t at all like the doughnut, just spoonful after spoonful of artificial taste. It is like when you buy a cheap advent calendar at Christmas and the chocolate is the super cheap gross kind and it doesn’t even taste like chocolate even an itty bitty bit, it just tastes like chemicals. This yoghurt was like that. Yuch.

I guess the only way it can redeem itself an itsy bitsy bit is that it is one of the Weight Watcher yoghurts so it is only 2 points.

Things got better though, don’t despair!

Zesty Southwestern Style Vegetable Soup

Zesty Southwestern Style Vegetable Soup

I had a soup, Mmm! I love soup!

This is a Progresso Light Zesty Southwestern Style Vegetable soup and so far it has been the best of all of them. It lived up to the “zesty” without being overwhelmingly spicy and the vegetables were cut in to these nice big chunks. It was pretty much awesome and if this soup was sold where I live I would buy it frequently. It is Weight Watcher endorsed and is 2 points a serving, there are 2 servings in a can.

Close Up!

Close Up!

Look at those vegetable! There are kidney beans in there too. πŸ™‚

Then I had the happiness of having a yoghurt that was delish and not overshadowed by a home made pie lol

Key Lime Pie

Key Lime Pie

Key Lime Pie yoghurt, whoever made this was a smart smart person lol I’ve never had Key Lime Pie so I have no idea if this lives up to the actual thing but I really enjoyed it. I find the Yoplait yoghurts taste best when they are citrus flavours. This is a Weight Watchers yoghurt so it is 2 points and definitely worth it! I was sad when I was done this one because it is the only one of its kind in my fridge, sigh. Why oh why didn’t I buy two of them? sigh. Guess I know for next time! πŸ˜›

More Soup and Yoghurt

8 Aug

That’s riiiiiight, more Progresso Soup and Yoplait yoghurt reviews! I know, I know, you are just soooo excited! lol πŸ˜‰

Today’s soup was Progresso Light Chicken & Cheese Enchilada, it is 2 Weight Watchers points on the Points Plus program, one serving is 1 cup and the can has two servings in it.

2015-08-08 13.22.31

Chicken & Cheese Enchilada

Close Up!

Close Up!

So, the same as with the soup from yesterday the chicken was not good, it was dry and chewy but at least it was in large chunks. I like the colour of the broth in this soup more than the one from yesterday, I realized after my second spoonful that the colour reminds me a bit of the artificial cheese colour of Kraft Dinner Macaroni & Cheese which is a tad odd but since this soup is supposed to have a cheese flavour in it I guess it makes sense the colour seems similar lol. There was a decent amount of veggies in the soup, the tomato pieces were a good size (I like veggies in my soup to be cut in big chunks so the soup seems more substantial) but the rest of the veggies were super small pieces, probably so they could fit better in the can but ya know, I’d still rather the pieces be a bit bigger, shrug. There was a bit of a zing to the broth, my first spoonful I was all “wow! spicy!” but then the next however many spoonfuls were not spicy. It was odd lol Every now and then I’d have a spoonful that was spicy and the rest were not, they weren’t bland exactly, just not super flavourful.

All in all I would recommend this soup, the flavour was good (despite being inconsistent) and the tomato pieces were large enough you had to actually chew lol

Today’s Yoplait yoghurt was Pina Colada! Mmm! It is another 25% less sugar yoghurt but not a Weight Watchers affiliated one, which means for that tiny yoghurt cup I used 4 Weight Watchers Points Plus points.

Pina Colada!

Pina Colada!

Those 4 points were totally worth it my friend! All this yoghurt needs is a little splash of alcohol and it’d be perfect! lol πŸ˜‰ I really enjoyed this one, just the right combo of flavours, nice smooth, thick texture, everything a yoghurt should be, imo.

So yay! This puts me at 2 yoghurts being good, 1 soup being good and 1 soup being not good – that’s pretty decent I’d say. Only 2 more soups to go and ummm…7 yoghurts? Yeah, 7 yoghurts! πŸ™‚

Soup and Yoghurt

7 Aug

I figured since I bought all that soup and yoghurt yesterday when in the States I might as well start eating it! πŸ™‚

Today I chose the Progresso Light Zesty Santa Fe Style Chicken soup, it is 2 Weight Watchers Plus Points per serving (which is 1 cup) and there are 2 servings in a can.

Santa Fe Style Chicken

Zesty Santa Fe Style Chicken

Here is a close up of it…

2015-08-07 12.57.29

It is not a pretty looking soup, the broth is kind of a sludge type colour, not appetizing looking in person at all. The chicken pieces were nicely sized, I’d go as far as to call them chunks or cubes of chicken rather than pieces buuuuut the chicken was dry and chewy, sigh. There was one cube of chicken that was soft and tender and it was such an oddity compared to the other pieces I actually wondered what went wrong with that particular piece of chicken lol The rice, veggies and beans were excellent, Mmm! The first spoonful was a tad spicy but I like spicy food so I quickly adjusted and was fine with it.

For an overall review I would not recommend this soup, mostly because of the chicken being so dry and chewy. I feel that if a company is going to put meat of any form in to a can of soup they should make sure the meat is tender and tasty. Just sayin.

For the yoghurt I enjoyed a Yoplait Cherry Yoghurt that apparently has 25% Less Sugar.

Cherry!

Cherry!

It is 4 Weight Watchers Plus Points which seems a tad high considering it is just a yoghurt cup, shrug, but it did taste good! There were actual pieces of cherries in there which is always nice. πŸ™‚

So far I am batting 50/50, one yah and one nay, and that’s alright, I mean I can’t expect everything I choose to taste good lol I expect most of the yoghurts to taste good but the soup is a total guessing game, shrug.

I’m picking randomly which soup and which yoghurt to eat so who knows which ones I’ll write about next! πŸ˜›

Hello America!

6 Aug

Today I had a little jaunt in to the States, and when I say little I mean little, I was only there a couple of hours. Thank goodness the border is so close! πŸ™‚

Why bother going for such a short visit? Simple, I had to ship my dragon boat paddle back to the company that made it (Burn Water) for repairs.

Why did I have to go across the border to ship my paddle you wonder? Simple, Canada and the States are weird and like to have random rules in play in regards to what can be shipped where and my paddle was a big no-no for going across the border in a box.

Makes no sense? Lemme explain!

I went to FedEx on the Canada side of the border to find out how much it would cost to ship my paddle, it had to go to Northern California. The guy took one look at it and said they can’t ship it, there are rules that prohibit them from shipping my paddle. I asked for clarification and his explanation was this:

The States has a policy that we can’t ship used personal items across the border in to the States. Apparently the American government is worried people will ship over all their personal items then drive or fly over as if on vacation and then be all “haha, I claim squatters rights! my stuff is all here and I’m not leaving!” Basically they are afraid Canadians are going to try to sneak move-in to the States.

*rolls eyes*

Listen, I may be happy you have ObamaCare now but don’t think it sounds good enough for me to leave my healthcare system behind…even if I do desperately want to live in LA and pursue my acting career there *big epic sigh*

Oh, and on top of all that, if they could legally ship it, it would have cost me in the high $200’s! That’s just crazy!

It is cheaper to drive the paddle over the border and ship it from within the country, which is exactly what I did. πŸ™‚

The wait at the border crossing looked like this…

And I didn't bring a book, sigh.

And I didn’t bring a book, sigh.

I thought mid-day on a Thursday would be nice and quiet, don’t any of these people work?? Eesh. πŸ˜›

While sitting in the traffic that closely resembled a parking lot two border guards started walking down between the cars, I did my best to look innocent but I guess it didn’t work because they stopped at my suv and said they were doing a “spot check”.

Those are never good words to hear from someone with a badge and a gun.

While I sat super still in my vehicle, with the engine turned off, they searched and questioned, and searched a bit more. When the one guard asked the reason for my trip today I explained about the paddle and having to take it to FedEx on the American side of the border and they both looked at me like I was crazy. I wanted to point out that if I was up to something I would have come up with a far less odd sounding story but figured they wouldn’t appreciate hearing that, shrug.

Eventually they left me and my vehicle alone and I continued to slowly inch my way up to that little booth thing the border guards chill in while asking questions of those of us trying to pass through. The guard in the little booth asked a lot of similar questions, to which I provided the same answers and he also looked suspicious and unimpressed.

I should have just said I was going shopping, sigh.

The guard in the booth let me go and zoom! Off I went, in to America!

I am navigationally challenged and seriously doubted my ability to find the FedEx without getting lost but my directions were perfect and I got there quite quickly.

The poor guy at the FedEx though, I made his day harder, not intentionally though! Apparently if I had an American PO Box the amount of effort he would have to do is diminished by quite a bit but I don’t have one so he had to get me to fill out a form and he had to manually enter information in to his computer – oh the horrors! πŸ˜‰ Luckily FedEx has a box that is perfectly sized to fit a dragon boat paddle, so yay! But the FedEx guy didn’t let me put packing peanuts or bubble wrap or anything in there so I am now paranoid about my paddle and how well it will endure transit. I got insurance for it though soooooo if they mess it up even more than it already is I guess I can file a claim, now doesn’t that sound like fun? lol

I finished at FedEx way sooner than expected so I went to Fred Meyer (that is a grocery store) and bought some super delish, Weight Watcher friendly, yoghurt that we don’t get in Canada. I have bought them twice before, once on a trip to the States for shopping and once when I was visiting a friend in LA and both times my taste buds have been super happy. πŸ™‚ I didn’t only buy the ones marked with the Weight Watcher symbol because they didn’t have that large of a selection so I branched out to some of the non-Weight Watcher ones, they are all low sugar options though.

Why oh why can't you be in Canada?

Why oh why can’t you be in Canada?

Ok, fine, I lied, I bought one that is not low sugar, non aspartame, Weight Watcher approved, heck, it isn’t even a yoghurt lol

Chocolate Whip? Yes please!

Chocolate Whip? Yes please!

The yoghurts were on sale, 10 for $5 and I was trying to not duplicate flavours so I was forced to pick up a Chocolate Whip, it is such a hard life, teehee. πŸ˜‰ I ate it this evening and it was…ok…not as good as say a chocolate pudding but hey, it could be worse.

I also took a look at these soups I always see ads for that I’ve never been able to find over here either, yup, they are Weight Watchers also, well, affiliated with WW.

2015-08-06 22.25.00

The ads make these soups seem like the most delicious healthy option ever, they are only 4 points for the entire can! Not every Progresso soup is a Weight Watcher friendly one but I took one of each of the flavours that don’t contain pork so I could give them a try.

After the grocery store, which fyi, uses paper bags! That was different…Anyways! After the grocery store I hit up a frozen yoghurt place, mostly it was because I needed a washroom and if I was going to have to buy something in order to use a washroom they were the best option out of what was around lol

The place is called Menchie’s and it was cute. πŸ™‚ It is a serve yourself type of place and you are charged 0.51 cents per kg. Seems a weird amount to me, I mean, why not fifty cents? You pick up a bowl, walk through a selection of soft serve machines that have all sorts of flavours and then choose your toppings.

I swear I wasn't the only one there!

I swear I wasn’t the only one there!

You can combine any amount of flavours you want as well as sample as many flavours as you want before you commit to what you buy. I ended up with peach and red velvet cake, Mmm! I topped the peach with sliced banana and the red velvet cake with broken up pieces of waffle bowl.

2015-08-06 14.13.55

Ok, so obviously making frozen yoghurt look pretty is not something I excel at but hey, it tasted good and that’s all that really matters!

So after all of that I came back to my side of the border, the line was way shorter on the way home and the guard was less suspicious lol When I told them why I went over (the FedEx issue) he just shook his head a little, gave a small smile and waved me through. He was a cutie so I wouldn’t have minded being questioned more by him! πŸ˜‰

Big Boned

10 Jul

Here is a conversation that happened this evening at work:

Him: Yeah, I’m from around here, well, now I live in Sechelt but I grew up in this area, went to such-n-such school, blah blah blah

Me: Oh, hmm, that’s nice.

Him: So are you from this area? Where did you go to school?

Me: No, I moved here from Edmonton.

Him: Oooooh! An Albertan girl! I could tell you are from Alberta because you’re so big boned. Yup, a big boned girl from Alberta.

Me: *stares in shock* What?

Lady who over heard convo: You should stomp on his foot, while wearing heels.

you said what

I excuse myself from the situation and go do something else. He follows about 5 minutes later and laughingly apologizes, but the kind of apology that means diddly squat because you know he doesn’t actually mean it, he doesn’t think he did anything wrong and while pretending to apologize he infringes on my personal space by trying to put his arm around me and be all chummy.

What. The. Hell?!?!?!

youre mean

I’d like to say I responded with a scathing remark but I was at work and had to stay professional so I had to appear to shrug it off and go about my business. I’d also like to say I promptly forgot about the insensitive jerky comment and it didn’t bother me but that’d be a big fat lie. It is still bothering me now and it has been hours, not a couple of hours, more like 9 hours. *sigh*.

I know that only I can give permission for other people to affect me but ya know what, what he said affected me and I don’t care if it is me giving him permission to affect me, or low self-esteem, or deeply buried anger because I couldn’t respond, or years of learned responses to how men treat me but whatever it is, it is affecting me, and I don’t like it.

What gives this guy, this guy that I met for the first time this evening the right to not only comment on what I look like but to comment in a negative way? Since when do our social norms allow anybody to do that without some sort of consequence? Oh wait, it’s been ok for, well…as long as I have been alive. *double sigh*

What the hell does “big boned” even mean? Is that another way of saying “fat”? Or is it a specialized way of saying “fat”, is it supposed to be more politically correct? Maybe it is the female version of “husky”, I’ve heard guys described like that, “oh he has a husky build” like he is a breed of dog or something!

I just don’t get it.

The whole situation makes me so angry. Angry that this guy seemed to think what he did was perfectly ok, angry at myself for not responding in a stronger way, angry at men in general because I can only aim so much anger at myself before I have to deflect it elsewhere and well, men in general are an easy target if I pretend they are all like this guy.

Ok, calming down now…

After work I was restless, I wanted to do something to work off my annoyance but on my drive home I found myself a bit teary eyed which is so not like me. That stupid little man had made one comment and it had me questioning all kinds of things about myself, what I look like, how I was dressed, what I ate today, how active I have been, am I bigger than I thought, am I big boned? Even though I don’t really know what big boned is supposed to mean I couldn’t stop wondering if I am that, is that what people see when they look at me, someone big boned? A big boned Albertan girl?

Since I finished work at 9:30pm and there really wasn’t much to do I came home, cuddled with the cat and made the conscious decision to not let how I was feeling affect my eating plan. I am doing Weight Watchers and the last thing I want is for some bump in the road to derail my weight loss. Normally when I am upset I either (1) eat everything! or (2) eat absolutely nothing, even if I am legit hungry. What can I say, I go to extremes. If I didn’t eat anything when I got home I’d be under eating for the day, if I ate the entire tub of Ben & Jerry’s Ice Cream that was calling my name I’d be waaaaay over my food budget for the day so I stuck to the plan, I made a healthy-ish snack, ate my points for the day (that is a Weight Watchers thing, if you count calories it would be like me saying I ate my calories for the day) and well, that was it. I didn’t let my emotions control my eating (or not eating), I didn’t derail my weight loss plan thereby making myself feel even worse about myself because of this comment and I will hopefully wake up tomorrow feeling better about things, cause time is supposed to heal wounds right?

Does time also heal anger because I still want to punch that guy in the face, or put on a pair of pointy heels and stomp on his foot, better yet steel toed boots!

kill you

%d bloggers like this: