Archive | March, 2014

Middle Ground

15 Mar

I’ve got a pair of pants that when I bought them I thought they fit but once I got them home and wore them out for the first time I realized they were actually a bit too big. The crotch (I hate that word! lol) was too low so it rubbed against the inside of my thighs causing pain and raw skin…too much info? only happens to me? Yeah, sigh, figures… 😉 lol

Anyways! I put the pants in the dryer, a calculated risk, that I hoped would prove to be a smart idea. It did, sorta. The pants, after a couple runs through the dryer fit better around the waist, butt, hips and leg areas. They were a tad shorter than I like but not so much shorter I can’t still wear them with a variety of shoes. Phew! My legs are so long I hang to dry all pants because they can very quickly become too short and I look like that person who is expecting a flood 24/7 lol 😛

So today for work I wore the pants. I was maaaaaybe an hour in to my shift and every time I was standing or walking I was also pulling the pants up a bit and wishing I’d worn a belt. They were fitting looser in all areas but of course were still the tad too short they had been since the dryer stints.

I don’t know if this means I have lost a little bit of weight (please oh please mean I have lost some weight! *crosses fingers*) or if it means my pants have stretched out a bit or didn’t shrink quite as much as I realized. Obviously I’m hoping I got smaller not that my pants got bigger.

I seem to appear to be back in the middle ground of clothing sizes. I hate the middle ground. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it is that stage where you are becoming too small for one size but are still too big for the next size down so your clothes don’t fit nicely no matter what you wear. It sucks even if it is an indication you’re on the right track.

this goes for all clothes

this goes for all clothes

Thing is, I can’t think of anything that would have made me slim down a bit so I’m leaning towards the pants stretching out, which sucks.

I’ve been working on making small changes with my food, cutting out the processed foods I’d been enjoying during my off season, drinking more water, making sure to get protein in at every meal (well, ok, almost every meal, this is me after all lol), and, the big one, I’m eating less peanut butter! Shocking I know! I mean c’mon, I am the person who happily eats a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter and considers it a meal lol But yeah, small changes to my eating, nothing major, nothing to warrant slimming down enough to make pants fit looser.

One happy bonus to the pants fitting loosely this evening was it made it easier to resist bad-for-me-foods cause I kept thinking “if I have lost some weight I don’t wanna gain it back by making a stupid food choice” lol Oh the things I use for increasing my willpower! 😛

I have noticed lately that I am finding it easier to resist the foods that usually have me caving. Weird huh? Weird but awesome! If I walk through the bakery section at the grocery store I may glance at all the bakery items I usually drool over but I don’t pause and I definitely don’t buy. I contemplated pizza earlier in the week but easily managed to not order it. I’m finding it easier to not eat the foods at work.

I’m not sure where this increase in willpower has come from but I like it! 🙂 Maybe it’s because it’s dragon boat season again and I want to be in peak condition for practices and for the upcoming race season. Maybe it’s because I am “training” for the BMO Run and keep having horrifying images of a fat me being the last to cross the finish line at the run. Maybe it’s because I have had two auditions in the past two weeks (hoorah!) and want to look better and better for each upcoming audition. That and obviously the more confident I feel about how I look the less I will worry about it when in front of the camera meaning the more I can focus on my acting…and the  more I will look “right” according to casting directors.

It’s probably some combination of all these things and more, who knows what is lurking in my sub-conscious? lol 😉

Whatever it is, I am glad for it. Glad to be that person who easily walks past all the high calorie, processed, so tasty but so bad for me foods and buys the healthy stuff. Glad to be getting back to the way I used to be. Glad that this juuuuust might be the first step towards a healthier, stronger, slimmer me. *crosses fingers*

take the first step, put down the cookie!

take the first step, put down the cookie!

 

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A Helpful Tip?

15 Mar

I read a lot. For the most part I read whatever I think looks interesting, which, given my innate curiosity is pretty much everything lol. Something I read a fair amount of are articles, books, studies etc on eating healthy, fitness, getting in shape, losing weight…anything that somehow relates to leading a healthier lifestyle.

I read all these articles, books and studies for a couple reasons. One is because deep down I am still hoping for some sort of miracle-super-easy-quick-fix to my fat problem. Hey, if I can find something that can actually legit get me in shape faster than what I am doing now sign me up! Also, I read these various pieces for information, to learn what is best for my body, what I might be doing that is actually causing harm, tips and tricks, ideas…things like that. There is no way any one person can know everything about a topic, definitely no way I know everything about getting fit, so why not keep reading everything you can get your hands on? Keep learning, keep expanding your ideas, keep opening your mind to suggestions, keep trying new things…what could it possibly hurt?

So the other day I am reading an article titled: 8 Clever Tips For The Body You Want. If you read enough of these articles you’ll find they mostly all say the same things. Apparently there aren’t that many easy suggestions to pass along *rolls eyes* but one of the suggestions in this article caught my eye, caught it enough I took a screenshot of it so I would be able to reference it later.

my screenshot

my screenshot

The gist of this tip is, ready for it? Dun-dun-dunnnnn…eat the same things daily. Repeat the same exercises over an over. Basically bore yourself to tears by doing the same things over and over again. Apparently, “in one study, less food variety was associated with successful weight loss maintenance” and according to Dr. Oz (yeah, that guy from tv) “research is showing that putting a cap on the variety of foods and tastes you experience will help you control your weight. Find a healthy lunch you like – salad with grilled chicken and olive oil…and have it every day…”

Every.Day.

Basically bore your taste buds into submission. Oh and doing the same workout over and over? Suuuuure, I mean it’s not like you have to worry about your body getting minimal benefit from an oft repeated workout because our bodies are smart and quickly figure out how to get through a workout routine they recognize by doing the least amount of work….oh wait, yes we do have to worry about that! *rolls eyes*

Seriously Dr. Oz? Seriously??

I don’t know who came up with this particular article, I didn’t screenshot that part, oops! But I am baffled by this tip.

How is a person going to learn how to live a healthier lifestyle if their main way of eating is to eat the same thing everyday? All you’re doing is finding a couple healthy meals and hitting the repeat button every time you enter the kitchen. Sure, that may work for a little while, but what happens when that person goes to a potluck? To a restaurant? To a birthday party? To a work function where there is food? Basically, any social situation where you do not get to pick the exact meal put on your plate? How does someone navigate these food danger hot spots? If I only eat salad with grilled chicken for lunch and then my work puts on a lunch function and there are soooooo many tables of super tasty foods in front of me, how have I picked up the skills needed to help me (1) make a healthy food choice using the foods available to me and (2) resist all the super tasty but bad for me foods that are there?

Maybe it is just me but if I was eating the same thing day after day then was put in a situation ( like the work lunch function, or a potluck at a friends place etc) I’d cave faster than a dog that smells steak and basically eat whatever looked tasty. For me, if I deprive myself of the majority of foods out there then am exposed to them I have no willpower to resist them because it’s been so long since I’ve tasted something different than my routine food. I will want nibbles of everything and we all know those nibbles add up quickly! *cough*stupid nibbles*cough*

Granted, this could just be because I have ridiculously weak willpower but I feel it is a valid point.

Wouldn’t it be better to learn one new healthy breakfast, lunch and dinner meal per week, slowly integrating the new healthy meals in to your life so that you get to eat healthy, experience new foods (or at least foods cooked in different ways than before) and bonus you actually enjoy eating instead of dreading it because you’ve been eating the same foods day in and day out?

When I did my super strict Paleo Plan I ate the same foods everyday, in the same order, cooked the same way, nothing ever varied. Did I lose weight? Well, technically yes, I actually built muscle so I lowered my body fat % but my scale had me going up a bit (ya know, cause of that whole muscle vs fat thing). Did I enjoy my food? No. It became a thing I had to do, had to deal with, and I couldn’t wait for each meal to be done because by week two I was so bored. For a while my willpower saved me from cheating. If I was out for dinner I’d order a salad, no dressing, grilled chicken breast on top. I can’t believe I’d pay $16 or so for something so basic but I did, all because it was as close as I could get to what I “should” be eating. I hadn’t learned from my strict Paleo Plan how to navigate eating in a restaurant, what to do if I was at a friends, how to grab something to eat on the go. All I had learned was to eat the same thing over and over and when I was in a situation that varied from my normal day-to-day schedule the Plan abandoned me to figure things out on my own…it’s like kicking a kitten to the curb when it isn’t yet weaned, no way I had the skills or know-how to figure things out on my own.

Sidenote, the kitten to the curb analogy made me look at my cat and get all “oh that’s such a mean thought” so I paused to cuddle my cat…something he doesn’t appreciate cause I woke him up lol 😛

Realistically, how long can a person eat the same foods on a daily basis?

I have to say I think this point, written up how it was written, is flawed. If they had said eat the same meals daily for two weeks than slowly add additional healthy meals that’d be ok. But this makes it sound like you should be eating the same foods daily for ever.

It’s way healthier to learn what foods are healthy, then learn how to cook a variety of dishes using those foods, eventually ending up with an arsenal of go-to meals that are healthy, tasty and varied enough you aren’t (1) bored to tears or (2) so deprived of taste variety you end up going overboard food-wise when put in a situation that is full of temptations. Well, in my opinion anyways…I’ll stop ranting now lol

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A Horrible Run

14 Mar

I’ve probably said it a thousand times on this blog but…I am NOT a runner! Yes ok, I did sign up to participate in the BMO Run but I’m pretty sure it is going to kill me, sigh. 😛

So now I’m in “training”…

The first run I did two weeks ago went greeeeat! I couldn’t believe it! Maybe I really could do this running thing! I did that first run aiming to hopefully reach 5km with no time limit. I ran almost 7km in 58 minutes which I know isn’t anything approaching a time to be proud of but hey, I managed to go farther than I thought I could and that is the part I was focusing on. During that run I had multiple “oh-my-god-I’m-really-doing-this” moments, where I was so shocked and excited with how well I was doing compared to how I thought I would be doing that I actually loved that run. I thought I had an inkling about how people seem to get addicted to this running thing.

Then there was my run this past Monday…

Oh my gawd, could it have been any worse? No, no I really don’t think it could have been. I had barely gone a block and I wanted to quit. My thighs hurt, I was breathing hard, I was so not enjoying myself. Ugh. Plus, I was all “what the hell? I got farther than this last time without feeling like I was going to die, what happened???” It was disastrous! I did a measly 5.06km and it took me 46 minutes! I might as well have been going backwards! So embarrassing. I quick walked a good chunk of it, head literally hanging in shame as others ran past me, sigh.

kill me

I have some vague ideas about why the second run was oh-so-much worse than the first but I can’t decide if they are legit reasons or excuses…

The lead up to each of the runs couldn’t have been farther apart if I’d tried. Run #1 I was at home relaxing, had a perfectly balanced meal (protein, carb, healthy fat), nothing of import happened that day, weather was clear and I ran at night. Run #2 I was up at 5:20am for work, at the time of my run I hadn’t eaten in 5-6 hours, what I had eaten earlier that day was not a perfectly balanced meal at all, it was super windy, I ran evening-ish and ten minutes before my shift ended a resident fell smashing her head open on the floor and yours truly was the one who attended her while waiting for paramedics ( blood, blood everywhere, ugh).

Also, for some reason that day what I wanted more than anything was to go for a hike, to wander the wilderness, go off trail for a while, just be in nature (who am I??). I wanted the peace of being away from people, from expectations, from the world…I wanted away from everything, so my only focus was on where I was putting my next step, where I could breath deep and only smell nature not people or exhaust fumes…seriously, who am I now? I’m such a city girl that this yearning for nature is so not like me! lol But there ya have it, if it hadn’t been too late in the day I would have strapped on boots and gone hiking. Wouldn’t have counted as training for my run but it would have appeased my soul…and don’t I sound so dramatic! lol 😛

Hiking is such a great de-stresser and I think what I wanted most was to scrub the sound of that resident’s head smashing in to the floor out of my memory…seriously, such a noise! I’ve never heard a sound like that before and would very much like to never hear it again.

Sometimes I wonder about the damage this job is doing to my psyche, sigh…

Anyways!

The second run, it was horrible taken to a new level! I have no idea if this is normal for people who are  starting out in running, maybe everyone who runs has good and bad runs? Man I hope this is normal, otherwise I was right and I am not meant to run and I will die a horrible sweaty red faced panting death the day of the BMO Run, and worse than all that I’ll be last! I don’t wanna be last *pout*

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What’s Your Goal?

13 Mar

Everyone has a different goal, sure they can often times be lumped in to groups but each person’s goal is unique. In terms of weight loss the main groups I have been focused on lately are:

– get skinny

– get strong

The reason I am focused so much on these two groups is because for the loooongest time if you had asked me my goal it was “to get skinny”. That’s it, end of story. All I wanted, more than anything, was to be skinny. I’m decently tall for a girl (5’8″) and feel it is grossly unfair I am not also skinny, aren’t tall girls supposed to be skinny? *pout* All my Weight Watchers, low calorie, paleo (and more!) eating plans were followed because of the promise I would lose weight and I interpreted that as “I would get skinny”, after all, that’s what happens when you lose weight, right? All my hiking, treadmill running, HIIT training, weight lifting, squat challenges etc were all done for the same reason, to get me skinny.

Obviously that hasn’t happened.

Over the past couple months or so my goal has, hmm, I don’t want to say completely changed but…shifted I guess? Evolved. Altered. Broadened.

Now when I think of how I want to look it’s not just “skinny” it’s a combination of words: skinny, fit, obvious muscle definition, strong.

I want to be strong.

Not body builder strong, *shudder* but my body’s version of strong.

I say “my body’s” because I firmly believe not every body can achieve the same “look”. I heard this from a trainer years ago and I have to say, it makes sense to me. My body has a natural build, that I sadly, covered in excess squishy-ness but under all my squishy-ness there is a body type that I have to work with. I have hips, not just cause there is fat on them but because my skeletal frame gave me curvy hips, some women have super slim hips sometimes referred to as guy’s hips, no matter how much I diet, how much I work out, unless I get plastic surgery I will always have curvy hips. Just like the woman with the super slim hips will always have super slim hips.  You can’t change what your bones are doing. You have to just deal with what you have and work with it.

fat grapefruit

As I have come to terms with this I took a look around for inspiration, for women who have the physical look that I am trying to achieve. Whereas before I used to think of Nicole Kidman or Julia Roberts or any number of runway models and obsess over how they are so skinny and I want to be soooo skinny but how the hell do I get to look like them?? Now I am thinking more along the lines of Michelle Rodriguez. She is slim, has muscle definition, nobody doubts she is strong (and not strong for a girl but simply strong), curvy, fit and feminine. The feminine part is important because I find the media forgets that women who are strong can also be girly.

Michelle Rodriguez - slim but with muscle

Michelle Rodriguez – slim but with muscles

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman – sooooo skinny

I realized that a lot of the fitness activities I partake in were never going to get me to “skinny”, because while yes they provided cardio and burned calories the activities I lean towards also involve working my muscles and that will automatically strengthen my muscles…which, if I am lucky, will give me some level of muscle definition. Actually, I know it will give me muscle definition cause last dragon boat season my shoulders and arms had actual definition that I lost during the off season and am oh-so-hoping to get back soon. Muscle memory how I am relying on you!

For a while I worried that I was focusing more on getting strong because I thought I was incapable of achieving skinny, I was looking at my change of perception, my change of goal as a failure. But now, I don’t think that is what this is about. It’s not just about my being realistic for what I can achieve either. It is what I want. I could cut my food intake drastically, do nothing but cardio and let my body eat away at itself until I am super skinny but then what? I won’t be able to dragon boat, I’ll be too weak to compete. I won’t be able to make it up the side of a mountain when I go hiking, I’ll have no stamina or strength to manage the trails. I won’t be able to enter things like the BMO run. I’d never finish the course. For all that I want to be skinny, I want to be strong more. I want to be able to enjoy the various activities I take part in. I want to be able to sign up for a new challenge and know I’ll be able to work hard towards completing it. I want to not just keep up with others but pass them by – hey, what can I say, I’m competitive! 😉

The happy side effect of this new goal, this goal of attaining strength, muscle definition and being fit is that it will automatically make me look slimmer. A pound of muscle takes up less space than a pound of fat so if I can swap out my fat (obviously not all of it or I’d be dead lol) for muscle I’ll look slimmer, be stronger, get my muscle definition aaaaand manage to uncover the body that I hid underneath all this squishy-ness. And wouldn’t that just be fab? 🙂

sorry for the random girl in her underwear...

sorry for the random girl in her underwear…

sidenote: I didn’t put dragon boating in the list of activities I do to attain the goal of skinny because I dragon boat because of how much I love the sport…it just has the sweeeeeet side effect of being a fitness activity lol

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Let’s Hear Your Battle Cry!

6 Mar

I popped a Halls right before meeting my dragon boat team for practice this evening and the message on the wrapper was: Let’s Hear Your Battle Cry!

Hear me roar!

Hear me roar!

It was the perfect inspirational message, from the most unlikely source. lol

Practice tonight was all kinds of awesome! 😀 How do I know this? Because I am in sooooo much muscle pain right now lol Don’t worry, it’s the good kind of muscle pain not the crap-I-hurt-myself-again kind of pain.

We have a new coach and she is a lot tougher on us than our former coach. Which we are all, oddly enough, happy about. What can I say, dragon boaters, well anybody who takes part in a competitive sport, is a little kooky lol

It was raining but not cold, which is nice, what is also nice is when it is sorta chilly out there are fewer icky smells. Hey, it’s not clean water and once it’s summer our noses will be well aware of it 😛 On the plus side, there are some otters that come live in the training area during the summer and it’s always nice to see them. They pop their heads above the water and watch us and once they know we aren’t headed directly towards them they float on their backs and chill. Everybody saw awwwwwww! Cause we always do! teehee

omg could I be any cuter??

omg could I be any cuter??

Our new coach is focusing on our rotation which means my left ass cheek now hates me cause I sit on the left side of the boat so that is my pivot side and omg two hours of pivoting on one specific spot, ouch! I have a fat ass but at the same time it is bony, how that is possible I don’t know but it is. It’s always been like that, shrug. This means I am basically rubbing a bony part of my ass on the wooden bench cause I’m pivoting on it…the things I do for my sport! lol 😉

Dragon boating is all about core strength, you’re pulling the paddle through the water via the body rotation, it uses major muscles in your legs, core and shoulders. Which means a really great workout! It also means all those muscle groups are sore right now but it’s ok, they’ll be fine tomorrow. I’m hoping my muscle memory kicks in asap cause I’m not as strong as I was last season – that’s what comes from being a slacker during the off season – so I want to get that fixed. Whiiiiich means more gym visits, more hanging out with dumbbells, more push-ups, just…more!

Something I learned this evening, my new waterproof pants I bought a couple weeks ago? Awesome! Loved them! My waterproof jacket from last season? Not so awesome, sigh, it is no longer water proof on my left side which is the side I get splashed on, double sigh. Looks like I’m gonna hafta find money to buy a new waterproof jacket, ugh. Why oh why do items used for sports have to cost so much money?? *cringe* There should be tax breaks or discounts or something on sport clothes, I mean, if people are making an effort to get or stay in shape in a society that is involved in an obesity crisis they should get a break on the cost of the gear, in my humble and very poor opinion…and yes I know not all people who are large are that way because of their lifestyle habits, it could be because of health issues, I’m just whining because I am poor and now need to figure out how to afford a new waterproof jacket, I’m not trying to start a big debate on a touchy topic. Cause yeah, that so isn’t my blog style lol 😛

The only upside I am seeing to needing to buy a new jacket is I’m not that fond of the colour of the one I have so hopefully I’ll be able to get one I like better…on sale…a reeeeally good sale…

 

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Run Turtle! Run!

4 Mar

I am not a runner. People think I should be good at it cause I have long legs. That’s like saying I should be good at basketball because I am tall. Neither of those presumptions makes any sense! *rolls eyes*

Despite this I decided to sign up for the BMO Run in May…I should not be allowed on the internet after midnight! lol So, due to a deep rooted fear I will either (1) not be able to complete the run, (2) be the slooooowest person in the run, (3) die while attempting the run or (4) a combo of all three, I figure I should do some sort of training. Ya know, run a bit, work my way up to the distance I will be running in May.

run meme

Of course there is the side benefit of (hopefully) losing weight while I take on this whole running thing. I may hate running but even I know it is wicked awesome cardio. 🙂

Tuesdays are my Saturdays and I usually spend them doing an amazing imitation of a sloth until I meet up with friends at night but this Tuesday I made no plans with friends for the night and gave myself a whopping two goals to accomplish.

(1) Eat healthy

(2) Exercise

Seems pretty simple right? I mean, it’s only two freakin things to accomplish in one day, who can’t manage that??

I feel that for the most part I ate in a healthy way, I’m not very good at judging if food is healthy or not due to the fact that I have so many “food rules” floating in my brain, some of them contradict each other, and I’m never sure which rules to follow. sigh. Why do there have to be so many rules?

My first meal of the day was a whole wheat wrap filled with two slices of turkey bacon, sauteed mushrooms, two scrambled eggs (seasoned with dill) and about 6 sweet pickles. Oh, and I spread two triangles of Light Laughing Cow cheese on the inside of the wrap. Soooo yummy! I also had a banana. I know I should have used only one egg but it was a big wrap and I accidentally added too much water to the first egg so when I poured it in to the pan it looked not-so-great, it seemed a wise decision to add a second egg…even if it is gluttonous. sigh.

I then procrastinated on the going for exercise part of my day, of course! lol 😛

I originally thought I’d digest for a half hour or so then either go for a run or go for a session at the gym. I was good with either and actually kinda wanted to do both. I wanted to run because of needing to train for the run in May but I wanted to go to the gym because I feel I have lost some of my upper body strength and I want to build it back up, what with it being dragon boat season an all.

It was sleeting so that made the decision for me, I’d jog to the gym, work out, jog home and feel righteous lol Well…I slacked, as is my way lol I watched tv, played games on my iPad, cuddled with the cat, thought about how I should get up and exercise but didn’t actually move from my seat lol convinced myself it was ok if I didn’t go right away cause my gym is open till 11pm today so I can always go later evening if I want.

The slacking lasted so long I got hungry, oops! I didn’t want a meal though so I made some toast with peanut butter and honey on it. Bad I know! CarbsCarbsCarbs, ugh, why do I have to love you so much?? I decided that if I was going to continue slacking then I had to increase my fluid intake, at least do something good for my body, so I made more tea lol and drank a couple big glasses of water. I used to drink water like it was going out of style but I somehow got out of that habit – I should really fix that…note to self, drink more water!…maybe that can be my goal for tomorrow? 😛

Eventually I got off my ass and got ready to go work out, it had stopped sleeting so I decided to go running, I wanted to use the MapMyRun App I had installed the day prior and I really wanted to use the ArmPocket I bought a bit ago. It didn’t occur to me until I was outside locking my door that it was pitch black outside, way past sunset. Did this deter me from running? Nope.

The MapMyRun had a route starting near me that was a bit over 5km, I thought that’d be a good place to start. If I’d gone in daylight the route would have been way better lol It took me on a non-lit, deserted path that had river on one side and forest on the other, I felt like I was in an episode of Criminal Minds and was half convinced I was going to die due to my stupidity but obviously nothing happened. The map route however, was flawed, erg. I got to this one section and it wanted me to cross the street to go do a loop through a park, well, the street it wanted me to cross was the highway, at a section there is nowhere to cross and I’m sorry but I may do a lot of stupid things but jaywalking across a highway is not one of them! Also, signs for the park the map said I would find across the street indicated it was actually on the side of the street I was on but farther down. I was mightily confused because oh man do I have seriously lacking navigation skills. I opted for turning around and heading home, not through the deserted scary trail section though, phew! I was around the 4km mark at that point and figured for sure I’d hit 5km by the time I got home, turns out I ran 6.80km. Which I am aware is super short for most people but I’m happy with it. At the end I felt like I could have kept going which I take as a good sign for my next run, and the run in May!

My dinner was a chicken breast stuffed with cheese and broccoli, sliced pan cooked yam, roasted yellow peppers, vermicelli noodles with a bit of sweet and sour sauce mixed in and some sweet pickles. Why the pickles? Cause I like em. 🙂 I think it was healthy, but again, not certain because while I can argue that it is, I can also find ways to argue that it isn’t, sigh. It was tasty though…if that counts? 😛

dinner - healthy? not healthy? who knows!

dinner – healthy? not healthy? who knows!

A couple hours after dinner I ate a Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich, man those are good. In the world of Weight Watchers they are 2 points which makes it seem like not such a bad snack? I’m still feeling kinda hungry but no more food for me today, instead lots more water. Mmm water!…said no one ever! lol 😉

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