Tag Archives: BMO Run

Doctors Visit

7 May

Sigh, spending any part of my day at the doctor’s office is not how I want to spend my time. I am very anti-doctor. Not for everyone, I don’t mean I shun Western medicine or anything, just that I personally don’t like doctors and would much rather let my body fix itself when it gets sick or injured. I have an immune system right? Might as well let it earn it’s keep! lol

Having said that I have been seeing a lot of doctors since January, ugh, I’m so done with this, and yet, I am not, sigh. Mentally I am done, physically I have to keep going. *rolls eyes* It’s annoying.

Last week I had an appointment with a specialist I am seeing in regards to my hip, if you want a refresher on that lovely little story click here.

As a result of that appointment I now have to go to physio, sigh, and get an MRI, double sigh. Then my normal family doc calls me, well her receptionist called me lol, to set up an appointment. I guess the specialist had sent over to her the results of the most recent tests he had sent me for so my family doc wanted me to come in so she could talk to me about it.

I saw the family doctor today, she told me what the test results were and what they mean, then she made a comment about what activities I do. Now, I tend to downplay what I have been up to with these doctors cause I don’t want to be told to not do something but I figured since the BMO Run was already over I might as well make a comment about it, not like she can tell me to not do something when it’s in the past right? 😉 lol I mentioned I did the 8km run last Sunday and then went to compete in a dragon boat race and her reaction was “So you’re fit”. Um, what? Obviously from looking at me you can tell I am not fit, eesh. So I commented back something along the lines of “you’d think but doesn’t matter what I do I can’t lose this fat”.

That comment actually got her attention, the rest of the convo went something like this:

Doc: You haven’t lost any weight?

Me: Nope.

Doc: Not even from the run? You didn’t lose any weight from running? Or dragon boat racing?

Me: Nothing. Trust me, I’m trying.

Doc: Have I had your thyroid tested? (she looked at my file) I haven’t had it tested…I’m getting it tested. If you are this active and you aren’t losing any weight you might have a thyroid problem.

Me: Um, ok?

So here is where I am at. I try to shun doctors and all their tests. Buuuuuuut if this blood work shows something wrong with my thyroid she might prescribe some form of treatment or pills that will help fix the thyroid and have a happy result of me losing weight and how awesome would that be?? I am now wondering just how twisted I must be to be sorta hoping I have a thyroid problem…fairly twisted? Or just sorta twisted? Maybe just desperate…not that that sounds any better…

sick and twisted

 

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My Last Three Days

21 Mar

My last three days have been busy, or at least they felt that way but when I look back on them I can’t figure out why they felt so busy…weird… 😛

Well ok, Tuesday wasn’t busy lol I slept in, chilled with the cat then went to dragon boat practice. After practice I made dinner, cooked a new fish dish which turned out well, when I say “well” I mean I didn’t give myself food poisoning lol It tasted fine, nothing great so I won’t be buying it again, shrug. It was healthy though, which was what I was aiming for so yay for getting that right! Although, someone out there will probably read what it was and say I am wrong *rolls eyes* Leave me with my delusions! lol

It was a coconut crusted piece of tilapia, there was seasoning in there too, not like it was just coconut but since it came pre-crusted/seasoned I couldn’t say for sure what those seasonings were…

tilapia coated with seasoning and coconut, yams and grilled peppers

tilapia coated with seasoning and coconut, yams and grilled peppers

I paired it with some red and yellow grilled peppers and some sliced yam, those were cooked in a pan on top of the stove with no butter/spray/oil used, I just put a small bit of water in the pan so the food didn’t stick. I was paranoid about cooking the fish, the instructions said cook for ten minutes per inch and a half of thickness, what?? That’s not cool, I want specific directions for my piece of fish, I want to be told exactly how many minutes for my fish, not have to figure it out myself cause dude, I’ll figure it out wrong! Least, that was the panicked thoughts going through my head lol Turns out it was cooked perfectly, go fig! 🙂

Wednesday I spent the afternoon with my lil sis at the mall. Normally I try to get us doing something active for at least part of our time together but her birthday was this week so I let her decide every thing we did Wednesday which meant we spent the entire time in the mall. Ah well, it’s her day! 🙂 We had fun, which was a given really lol I bought a new phone case for myself which I am in love with right now, every time I pick up my phone I laugh, teehee, and yes I know, I am easily amused. It is a someecards cover and looks like this…

cause I know you care what my phone case looks like lol

cause I know you care what my phone case looks like lol

We had a pit stop at Tim Horton’s cause well, why wouldn’t we?? There is a new maple glazed doughnut out and all I can say to Timmy’s about that is bravo *slow clap* ya done goooooood! My other comment to them is where are all the winning cups?? It’s Roll Up The Rim game time and none of my cups have won so far! *pout*

medium steeped tea and a doughnut, classic!

medium steeped tea and a doughnut, classic!

In the evening I hung out with KL, we got dinner (Indian food, Mmm!), then saw the movie 12 Years A Slave and holy crap was it amazing! Brutal. But amazing. So no exercise for me at all on Wednesday, and lots of food, which is sorta reversed to how it is supposed to be but alas, Wednesday was two days ago so there’s nuthin I can do about it now! lol 😛

Sidenote:

Every time this commercial comes on tv I stop and watch. I love it, well, right up until it gets to the part about advertising for Centrum Science Multi-Vitamins cause I’m not on that whole vitamin bandwagon but I find the commercial inspiring (to a point). All those people, of various ages and backgrounds taking part in a wide variety of physical activities, leading healthy lifestyles, I dunno, something about it makes me want to do more. Try a new sport, or go back to one I used to do and stopped *cough*boxing*cough*

Thursday!

I had a relaxing morning, went to an audition early afternoon, then dragon boat practice at night then out for dinner later that night. Thursday was a good day. 🙂

The audition went great, I got amazing feedback from the casting director so wOOt! wOOt! I can’t tell anything about the project or specifics about the auditions cause I signed a non-disclosure agreement but if it turns in to anything rest assured I’ll be linking it to my blog so you can all pretend to watch it lol 😉

At practice we got informed that us girls have to train twice as hard as the guys and that we (this time I mean everyone, not just the girls) are supposed to be eating healthy (duh!) and we aren’t supposed to drink alcohol…um, what? Not like I drink a lot or anything but…none? At all? Hmm…this woman really doesn’t know us lol

Her strictness with things did help curb my appetite today though, which I suppose is good, any little bit helps right? I had dinner at work but only cause it was a fish steak with veggies, there were other things with it (mashed potatoes, spring rolls, apple pie etc) but I didn’t eat those. Didn’t even snag a cookie for dessert!

Oh and lastly! A friend of mine who is a trainer informed me that a respectable time to complete my BMO Run is 45 minutes…I’m going to die…my training is pretty much non-existent, which is not good, I’ve gotta start kicking my own ass in to gear when it comes to running, ugh. Whyyyyyy did I sign up for this? Stupid-wanting-a-new-challenge-feeling *rolls eyes* 😛

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Middle Ground

15 Mar

I’ve got a pair of pants that when I bought them I thought they fit but once I got them home and wore them out for the first time I realized they were actually a bit too big. The crotch (I hate that word! lol) was too low so it rubbed against the inside of my thighs causing pain and raw skin…too much info? only happens to me? Yeah, sigh, figures… 😉 lol

Anyways! I put the pants in the dryer, a calculated risk, that I hoped would prove to be a smart idea. It did, sorta. The pants, after a couple runs through the dryer fit better around the waist, butt, hips and leg areas. They were a tad shorter than I like but not so much shorter I can’t still wear them with a variety of shoes. Phew! My legs are so long I hang to dry all pants because they can very quickly become too short and I look like that person who is expecting a flood 24/7 lol 😛

So today for work I wore the pants. I was maaaaaybe an hour in to my shift and every time I was standing or walking I was also pulling the pants up a bit and wishing I’d worn a belt. They were fitting looser in all areas but of course were still the tad too short they had been since the dryer stints.

I don’t know if this means I have lost a little bit of weight (please oh please mean I have lost some weight! *crosses fingers*) or if it means my pants have stretched out a bit or didn’t shrink quite as much as I realized. Obviously I’m hoping I got smaller not that my pants got bigger.

I seem to appear to be back in the middle ground of clothing sizes. I hate the middle ground. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it is that stage where you are becoming too small for one size but are still too big for the next size down so your clothes don’t fit nicely no matter what you wear. It sucks even if it is an indication you’re on the right track.

this goes for all clothes

this goes for all clothes

Thing is, I can’t think of anything that would have made me slim down a bit so I’m leaning towards the pants stretching out, which sucks.

I’ve been working on making small changes with my food, cutting out the processed foods I’d been enjoying during my off season, drinking more water, making sure to get protein in at every meal (well, ok, almost every meal, this is me after all lol), and, the big one, I’m eating less peanut butter! Shocking I know! I mean c’mon, I am the person who happily eats a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter and considers it a meal lol But yeah, small changes to my eating, nothing major, nothing to warrant slimming down enough to make pants fit looser.

One happy bonus to the pants fitting loosely this evening was it made it easier to resist bad-for-me-foods cause I kept thinking “if I have lost some weight I don’t wanna gain it back by making a stupid food choice” lol Oh the things I use for increasing my willpower! 😛

I have noticed lately that I am finding it easier to resist the foods that usually have me caving. Weird huh? Weird but awesome! If I walk through the bakery section at the grocery store I may glance at all the bakery items I usually drool over but I don’t pause and I definitely don’t buy. I contemplated pizza earlier in the week but easily managed to not order it. I’m finding it easier to not eat the foods at work.

I’m not sure where this increase in willpower has come from but I like it! 🙂 Maybe it’s because it’s dragon boat season again and I want to be in peak condition for practices and for the upcoming race season. Maybe it’s because I am “training” for the BMO Run and keep having horrifying images of a fat me being the last to cross the finish line at the run. Maybe it’s because I have had two auditions in the past two weeks (hoorah!) and want to look better and better for each upcoming audition. That and obviously the more confident I feel about how I look the less I will worry about it when in front of the camera meaning the more I can focus on my acting…and the  more I will look “right” according to casting directors.

It’s probably some combination of all these things and more, who knows what is lurking in my sub-conscious? lol 😉

Whatever it is, I am glad for it. Glad to be that person who easily walks past all the high calorie, processed, so tasty but so bad for me foods and buys the healthy stuff. Glad to be getting back to the way I used to be. Glad that this juuuuust might be the first step towards a healthier, stronger, slimmer me. *crosses fingers*

take the first step, put down the cookie!

take the first step, put down the cookie!

 

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A Horrible Run

14 Mar

I’ve probably said it a thousand times on this blog but…I am NOT a runner! Yes ok, I did sign up to participate in the BMO Run but I’m pretty sure it is going to kill me, sigh. 😛

So now I’m in “training”…

The first run I did two weeks ago went greeeeat! I couldn’t believe it! Maybe I really could do this running thing! I did that first run aiming to hopefully reach 5km with no time limit. I ran almost 7km in 58 minutes which I know isn’t anything approaching a time to be proud of but hey, I managed to go farther than I thought I could and that is the part I was focusing on. During that run I had multiple “oh-my-god-I’m-really-doing-this” moments, where I was so shocked and excited with how well I was doing compared to how I thought I would be doing that I actually loved that run. I thought I had an inkling about how people seem to get addicted to this running thing.

Then there was my run this past Monday…

Oh my gawd, could it have been any worse? No, no I really don’t think it could have been. I had barely gone a block and I wanted to quit. My thighs hurt, I was breathing hard, I was so not enjoying myself. Ugh. Plus, I was all “what the hell? I got farther than this last time without feeling like I was going to die, what happened???” It was disastrous! I did a measly 5.06km and it took me 46 minutes! I might as well have been going backwards! So embarrassing. I quick walked a good chunk of it, head literally hanging in shame as others ran past me, sigh.

kill me

I have some vague ideas about why the second run was oh-so-much worse than the first but I can’t decide if they are legit reasons or excuses…

The lead up to each of the runs couldn’t have been farther apart if I’d tried. Run #1 I was at home relaxing, had a perfectly balanced meal (protein, carb, healthy fat), nothing of import happened that day, weather was clear and I ran at night. Run #2 I was up at 5:20am for work, at the time of my run I hadn’t eaten in 5-6 hours, what I had eaten earlier that day was not a perfectly balanced meal at all, it was super windy, I ran evening-ish and ten minutes before my shift ended a resident fell smashing her head open on the floor and yours truly was the one who attended her while waiting for paramedics ( blood, blood everywhere, ugh).

Also, for some reason that day what I wanted more than anything was to go for a hike, to wander the wilderness, go off trail for a while, just be in nature (who am I??). I wanted the peace of being away from people, from expectations, from the world…I wanted away from everything, so my only focus was on where I was putting my next step, where I could breath deep and only smell nature not people or exhaust fumes…seriously, who am I now? I’m such a city girl that this yearning for nature is so not like me! lol But there ya have it, if it hadn’t been too late in the day I would have strapped on boots and gone hiking. Wouldn’t have counted as training for my run but it would have appeased my soul…and don’t I sound so dramatic! lol 😛

Hiking is such a great de-stresser and I think what I wanted most was to scrub the sound of that resident’s head smashing in to the floor out of my memory…seriously, such a noise! I’ve never heard a sound like that before and would very much like to never hear it again.

Sometimes I wonder about the damage this job is doing to my psyche, sigh…

Anyways!

The second run, it was horrible taken to a new level! I have no idea if this is normal for people who are  starting out in running, maybe everyone who runs has good and bad runs? Man I hope this is normal, otherwise I was right and I am not meant to run and I will die a horrible sweaty red faced panting death the day of the BMO Run, and worse than all that I’ll be last! I don’t wanna be last *pout*

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What’s Your Goal?

13 Mar

Everyone has a different goal, sure they can often times be lumped in to groups but each person’s goal is unique. In terms of weight loss the main groups I have been focused on lately are:

– get skinny

– get strong

The reason I am focused so much on these two groups is because for the loooongest time if you had asked me my goal it was “to get skinny”. That’s it, end of story. All I wanted, more than anything, was to be skinny. I’m decently tall for a girl (5’8″) and feel it is grossly unfair I am not also skinny, aren’t tall girls supposed to be skinny? *pout* All my Weight Watchers, low calorie, paleo (and more!) eating plans were followed because of the promise I would lose weight and I interpreted that as “I would get skinny”, after all, that’s what happens when you lose weight, right? All my hiking, treadmill running, HIIT training, weight lifting, squat challenges etc were all done for the same reason, to get me skinny.

Obviously that hasn’t happened.

Over the past couple months or so my goal has, hmm, I don’t want to say completely changed but…shifted I guess? Evolved. Altered. Broadened.

Now when I think of how I want to look it’s not just “skinny” it’s a combination of words: skinny, fit, obvious muscle definition, strong.

I want to be strong.

Not body builder strong, *shudder* but my body’s version of strong.

I say “my body’s” because I firmly believe not every body can achieve the same “look”. I heard this from a trainer years ago and I have to say, it makes sense to me. My body has a natural build, that I sadly, covered in excess squishy-ness but under all my squishy-ness there is a body type that I have to work with. I have hips, not just cause there is fat on them but because my skeletal frame gave me curvy hips, some women have super slim hips sometimes referred to as guy’s hips, no matter how much I diet, how much I work out, unless I get plastic surgery I will always have curvy hips. Just like the woman with the super slim hips will always have super slim hips.  You can’t change what your bones are doing. You have to just deal with what you have and work with it.

fat grapefruit

As I have come to terms with this I took a look around for inspiration, for women who have the physical look that I am trying to achieve. Whereas before I used to think of Nicole Kidman or Julia Roberts or any number of runway models and obsess over how they are so skinny and I want to be soooo skinny but how the hell do I get to look like them?? Now I am thinking more along the lines of Michelle Rodriguez. She is slim, has muscle definition, nobody doubts she is strong (and not strong for a girl but simply strong), curvy, fit and feminine. The feminine part is important because I find the media forgets that women who are strong can also be girly.

Michelle Rodriguez - slim but with muscle

Michelle Rodriguez – slim but with muscles

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman – sooooo skinny

I realized that a lot of the fitness activities I partake in were never going to get me to “skinny”, because while yes they provided cardio and burned calories the activities I lean towards also involve working my muscles and that will automatically strengthen my muscles…which, if I am lucky, will give me some level of muscle definition. Actually, I know it will give me muscle definition cause last dragon boat season my shoulders and arms had actual definition that I lost during the off season and am oh-so-hoping to get back soon. Muscle memory how I am relying on you!

For a while I worried that I was focusing more on getting strong because I thought I was incapable of achieving skinny, I was looking at my change of perception, my change of goal as a failure. But now, I don’t think that is what this is about. It’s not just about my being realistic for what I can achieve either. It is what I want. I could cut my food intake drastically, do nothing but cardio and let my body eat away at itself until I am super skinny but then what? I won’t be able to dragon boat, I’ll be too weak to compete. I won’t be able to make it up the side of a mountain when I go hiking, I’ll have no stamina or strength to manage the trails. I won’t be able to enter things like the BMO run. I’d never finish the course. For all that I want to be skinny, I want to be strong more. I want to be able to enjoy the various activities I take part in. I want to be able to sign up for a new challenge and know I’ll be able to work hard towards completing it. I want to not just keep up with others but pass them by – hey, what can I say, I’m competitive! 😉

The happy side effect of this new goal, this goal of attaining strength, muscle definition and being fit is that it will automatically make me look slimmer. A pound of muscle takes up less space than a pound of fat so if I can swap out my fat (obviously not all of it or I’d be dead lol) for muscle I’ll look slimmer, be stronger, get my muscle definition aaaaand manage to uncover the body that I hid underneath all this squishy-ness. And wouldn’t that just be fab? 🙂

sorry for the random girl in her underwear...

sorry for the random girl in her underwear…

sidenote: I didn’t put dragon boating in the list of activities I do to attain the goal of skinny because I dragon boat because of how much I love the sport…it just has the sweeeeeet side effect of being a fitness activity lol

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