Lost Ability

25 Nov

I have lost the ability to sleep, which I gotta say, really sucks. 😛 Normally I have trouble getting to sleep but I eventually manage it and once asleep I sleep like the dead. Earthquake? No waking up happening over here. Really bad storm? Nope. Loud noises outside my window? Nah. My ability to sleep through pretty much anything has always been something I have enjoyed, it meant that even if I didn’t get a long sleep time I got good quality sleep which, for my body anyways, seems to be the more important aspect about sleeping.

I know a lot of people are all “you gotta get 8 hours, blah blah blah” and I do understand about sleep being the time our bodies restore themselves and I also get how certain chemicals are released that help with losing or maintaining or gaining weight and how if we don’t get the right amount of sleep it can sabotage all that nice work we do during the day to keep ourselves looking how we want (-or for some of us, the work we do to try to get ourselves looking how we want *shuffles feet*) but I also think that every person is different and there can be no set rules about anything when it comes to our bodies and what is best. I can function wonderfully for a week at a time with only 3 hours sleep each night, I don’t nap, I don’t look tired (thank goodness!) and I’m not performing at diminished capacity or refraining from doing all my normal stuff due to tiredness…I do however eat more carbs lol

But this, this not being able to get to sleep and when I do manage to nod off not being able to stay asleep, this is just not pleasant. I’m cold throughout the day (and while yes, I am always a bit chilled this is a deep in the bones cold that my sweaters and endless cups of tea are doing nothing to touch), I am grumpier then normal, my eating is off (as in, I’m not really eating) and I feeeeeeel tired, ugh. Nobody likes to feel tired, that draggy don’t want to do anything but zone out and nap feeling, boo!

I haven’t figured out how to combat this little problem. I am refusing to let myself nap (something I seem able to do, so at least I know I can fall asleep…eventually, and at inconvenient times lol) but if I nap then I really can’t sleep that night which screws me up for work the next day, sigh.

Today after work I did some errands, then came to the apartment, watched a dvd, talked on the phone with peeps, scrubbed my bathroom from top to bottom, basically did whatever I could to keep my mind engaged enough that I wouldn’t nap cause oh man did I want to! I’m hoping that by not only refusing my body the nap it wants but also doing physical stuff around the apartment I wear myself out enough that tonight I get that elusive snooze fest *crosses fingers*

You’d think that if my mind/body won’t let me sleep I’d at least be more productive during those late night hours and be, I don’t know, solving world hunger, or writing the next great novel, doing something constructive and impressive with all this available time. Wouldn’t it be nice if this insomnia-fest was the universe’s way of giving me more time to get stuff done? Sadly though, just because I am not asleep at 3am doesn’t mean I am not tired so I am in bed, laying there with my hot water bottle and my comfy pillows, wishing for sleep, and hoping I at least doze off a bit, but not really succeeding. I figure I must be dozing off at least a bit here and there otherwise I’d be in crazy land by now from lack of REM time but I know it’s not so much unconscious time as to count as a real nights sleep. *rolls eyes*

Tomorrow I am taking down my dream catcher, it’s new and I wonder if there are too many bad karma vibes attached to it for it to be working…don’t laugh, or, fine, laugh, but know that if you were here in front of me I’d smack you for disrespecting the dream catcher 😛 I have had a dream catcher for so many years it’s crazy. I get bad dreams and I swear by my dream catcher. I don’t care if it’s a mental thing, you know, a I-think-it’s-working-therefore-it-is-working or if it really works, all I know is that it comforts me to have it hanging there, guarding me while I sleep…or not sleep as the recent case may be…but like I said, this one is new so maybe that has something to do with my new bout of insomnia…can’t hurt to take it down and try…course, I’m taking it down when I don’t work the next day so that if my removing it makes things worse it won’t set me up for a crap ass day at work…hope for the best but prepare for the worst right? 😉

 

Tags: , , , , ,

You Know It’s A Bad Day When…

11 Oct

You start thinking about your comfort food. I’m pretty sure everyone has a comfort food, that food you automatically reach for when life becomes too much and you want to bang your head against a wall…I almost grabbed mine today, the only thing stopping me was that I had a large breakfast/lunch with a friend and was still full so that even though I emotionally wanted to grab my comfort food when out grocery shopping I was still so actively  digesting I knew I wouldn’t eat it tonight and no way am I gonna keep it in the apartment to taunt me tomorrow! I may be highly stressed but I haven’t completely lost my mind…yet…

What has me stressed?  Mostly it is the fact that I have been apartment hunting like mad for weeks and weeks, still have no viable leads on a place and have to be out of this one by the end of the month…fuck.  People keep saying things like: “don’t worry you’ll find somewhere” and “it’s not like you’re going to be homeless, it’ll be fine” and other non-helpful variations. I get it, not like any of them can magically make an apartment appear that is in my price range, a decent commute to work and will accept the cat but platitudes do not make me feel better, they make me feel worse because now I feel like I can’t express how stressed/worried/close to full out panic attack I am because everyone keeps minimizing the situation and I can’t very well have a spaz attack about something that everyone else is brushing aside, that would just make me crazy, or weak, or unable to handle life, sigh.

I knew I was stressed about the apartment hunting but didn’t realize just how much until this evening. I went to look at a place, a suite within a house, that was my perfect price tag and a decent commute to work, I had super high hopes…which is a bad thing cause the more you hope the harder the fall when life kicks you in the ass. I got there, the guy seemed nice, took me to the suite and oh my god a hoarder lives there so really hard to see anything cause it’s literally stuffed to the ceiling in some sections. I commiserate though cause when you’re partially packed up and waiting to move no matter what you do your place starts to look insane. Here were the results of my tour: there’s no living room, there are no closets in the entire suite, there is no laundry, there is no storage, there is one window blocked off by bars and they won’t take cats…so, a waste of my time, awesome. *rolls eyes*

I left there a tad upset but by the time I got to the grocery store I was super upset, as in heading towards depressed and going to do something stupid zone. I did my grocery shopping on auto pilot (the benefit of eating pretty much the same thing everyday is grocery shopping doesn’t require a lot of thought anymore), purposefully avoided my comfort food and went back to my apartment where I proceeded to drink strawberry daiquiris and watch a sad movie that makes me a bit teary on the best of days but this evening had me practically bawling. It wasn’t the movie so much as I was already super upset and needed an outlet and the movie provided me an excuse to have a bit of a meltdown…aided of course by the alcohol…And sure I know some people would have gone to the gym and worked it off or just shrugged it off and started yet another apartment search or just plain forgotten about it and hey, I’m happy for those people, but I needed some wallowing time. I was too down to be able to push myself to go to the gym, I have no energy to pack, all I was able to manage was to avoid a food fest which may not seem all that impressive to some people but right now I’m taking my victories where I can…even if they are pathetic victories.

I feel like at this rate I am going to be putting my stuff in to storage and living out of my suv, which will piss the cat off to no end and not really impress me all that much either.

On a weight loss note, I haven’t lost any in a while, in fact I think I gained some…sigh. I’ve been eating out more then I used to and to top it off everyone knows a stressed body gains weight fast and what I am? Super Stressed Girl! Just greeeeeat. So not only do I feel ugly and fat I’m worried I’m going to be an ugly and fat homeless person, with a cat…hmm…where’s that wall for me to bang my head on again?…

 

Tags: , , , , ,

Thwarted!

13 Sep

I have been trying to do this stupid hike for over a week now and it keeps not happening, eesh! You wouldn’t think it’d be that hard, not like the mountain is going anywhere, but life keeps getting in the way and I keep putting it off. I really want to hike it before the weather turns but each time I have to put it off for another day I worry I have missed my last shot, erg.

No, the hike I want to do is not a second attempt at the Grouse Grind, stupid freakin grind, ugh, it is the path near-ish the grind, it starts at the base of the same mountain, and ends up at the top somewhere near where the grind ends but it is a longer trail and apparently winds back on itself quite a bit making the path less steep and theoretically a tad easier to do. It’s supposed to take anywhere from 20 minutes to a half hour longer then whatever time you take on the grind, which is depressing when you consider my time lol but since it’s a longer trail you (well, I) could just pretend the longer time is strictly cause of the trail length and has nothing to do with my physical capabilities…or lack there of… 😉

I wanted to go on the hike last Sunday, took a change of clothes to work an everything so as soon as I was off I could skedaddle on over to the mountain but it was raining and I had to decide if I should hike the mountain and maybe get a bit wet or put it off, I decided I’d hike and started to drive there but while driving the rain got heavier and heavier and eventually I turned around. I may be mildly self destructive and like doing slightly dangerous things but even I know not to hike a mountain on a path that is not busy, that I’ve never been on, as it is getting darker and it is raining, when I don’t have rain gear with me or a hiking buddy. Calculated risks people! 😛 I went to the gym instead and of course when I left the gym it was sunny and dry outside so I’m thinking the rain didn’t last all that long and I might have been ok after all…ah well, next time.

I was going to go Tuesday, for the life of me I can’t remember what I did instead but something came up, no biggy cause I had Thursday that I could go so that was my plan for Thursday (today), hike that freakin trail, that was it, the one main thing on my list of stuff to do, not so bad right? Well, ha! I was up early and contemplating food (figured I’d eat before this hike, unlike last time…) when I got a phone call for an interview (aka, measurement taking/fitting) to be a fit model for a clothing store.  We made an appointment for noon which kaboshed my hike happening in the morning cause that gave me just enough time to get ready and find the place. After the fitting I figured ok, now I can eat (finally! it was about 1pm or so) and then go for the hike. Got to the apartment, was again contemplating food when I got a text from my agent that I had an audition at 7:50p that night. Well yah! After my lil happy dance I realized that (1) hike is not happening and (2) neither is my lunch…sigh.

I decided against the hike cause everyone knows not to do anything outside of your normal routine leading up to an audition, can’t take the risk of getting hurt cause you don’t know what you are doing…that and I worried what if I took a ridonkulous amount of time on the trail and made myself late for the audition? Not happening! So I took a nap instead, hey, don’t judge, I was tired 😛 and then I did some ab work etc and stuff around the apartment.

So there we have it, life and weather have thwarted my attempts to hike that trail! I’m still hopeful for next week, if the weather stays nice that is…

Oh, in case anyone is wondering, a fit model is exactly what it sounds like, it’s the model the designers use when making new clothes to make sure the outfit hangs the way it should on an actual person. I don’t know if I got the job though…on the one hand I am the perfect size for them in pants and shirts and they were really happy with that but apparently my spine is an inch too short (that’s one I haven’t heard before!) so it makes the jackets sit a little funny at the back…they are going to see a couple more people to check their measurements and have them do some fittings and they’ll let me know. It’s a very very part time thing, about 4 hours per day max 2 days per week, just enough to get me a little extra cash really.

As for the audition, it was for a commercial, I went in for one role and the casting director kinda merged the one I went in for and another one and had me audition for some weird hybrid lol. My agent thinks it’s a good thing, a sign they will consider me for both roles not just the one, I’m happy to think that way too. 🙂 The audition seemed to go ok, casting director was in a good mood despite it being late and me being the last person she was seeing. She liked my headshot, we joked around a bit, all good signs. Thing is, even if she thinks I’m awesome if I don’t have the right look I won’t get the part…ya know, if I don’t get the part, and I don’t get the fit model job that means twice in one day I will have been rejected for not looking right and/or being the wrong size…something I am going to desperately try not to dwell on…

Tags: , , , , , , , ,

Couple Weeks Ago…

7 Sep

A couple weeks ago I had this awesome week, was super active, always seemed to be doing something, not every part of it was good stuff but hey, life isn’t 100% good stuff so ya gotta make room for the crap stuff every now an then lol 😛

I tried some new activities and want to give my take on them:

The Grouse Grind

This is a hike in North Vancouver, BC that is pure evil, grr! to you Grind, grr! It’s not that it isn’t do-able, people hike it everyday but it isn’t fun and costs you$10 at the end…lemme explain…you drive there, you pay for parking, you hike up 2.9 km (1.8 miles) and sure that doesn’t sound like a long distance but think of how this hike is described, it’s called “mother nature’s stairmaster” I kid you not! Go look at the website for it: http://www.grousemountain.com/grousegrind then when you get to the top you have to pay $10 to take a gondola ride down the mountain so you can rush back to your car before your parking expires because you mistakenly thought you’d do the hike in a short-ish amount of time so didn’t pay for too long of parking…hmm, that last part might be just me…lol. It’s not a fun hike, which is what I realized part way up the mountain. I thought it was just me who wasn’t having fun (I went alone, most people seem to go with someone), but when I looked at other peoples faces as they were going up they all had the same look on their face, one of torture. Uh, why the hell are we all climbing this stupid mountain if it isn’t fun?? Everyone looks like they are being forced to suffer through some torturous ordeal but uh, hello, didn’t we all make the choice to be there? And no way they were all first timers like me, so some of them must have known what they were getting in to, and yet, they went back, what’s with that? I guess a lot of people use the mountain as a personal challenge and keep returning so they can better their time, it’s like a point of pride or something…weirdos! lol

Most of the hike is man made stairs but every now and then is a part where nature has been allowed to stay in charge so you do a bit of scrambling over rocks (boulders? no, I think they are rocks…what’s the difference?) I prefer the rocks to the stairs. I like to hike, like for real hike, not climb a bunch of stairs hike, if I wanted stairs I’d go use a stairmaster at my gym lol, but ah well, it was still an experience and one I am glad I did, if only so I can say I did it lol.

My recommendation though would be to not do as I did and hike it on one of the hottest days of the year with minimal water in your pack and having not yet eaten anything that day (oh, and it was around 3p or so I think so not like I had only skipped breakfast, oops!), if you are hydrated, dressed for the weather, fed and not being roasted to death by the sun you’ll probably do all right. 🙂

The next thing I did that was new to me that week waaaas…

Bikram’s Yoga

For those of you who don’t know, that is a series of 26 yoga poses that last 90 minutes and are performed in a room heated to 40C with 40% humidity…so it’s hot! I paid $30 for a week of unlimited classes at a studio near my place. A friend from dragon boating said I have to go at least 5 times that first week because any less then 5 times I will hate it, 5 times or more and I will love it. I wanted to get the most out of my unlimited for a week so I made it my main source of exercise for that week. They teachers say your only goal for your first 5 classes (there is that number again) is to stay in the room, even if you feel overwhelmed by the heat just lay down on your mat and try to get through it, yeah, it is just that hot! lol. I managed to go 4 times in that week and am happy to say I not only stayed in the room each time but I performed all 26 poses each time, meaning, I didn’t stop and rest on my mat cause I couldn’t take it, yah me! Hey, don’t judge! I’ll take positive re-enforcement where I can find it! lol 😛 The Bikram yoga websites and teachers all tout the amazingness of this style of yoga (of course) and apparently there are all kinds of health benefits etc…I don’t know about any of that, but I do know you sweat a lot and I figure that has to be good for detoxifying your body, right? I dehydrated one day, got all dizzy, ran in to a wall in my apartment when going from the bathroom to my bedroom, kinda crazy, so it really is important to hydrate. It is suggested drinking lots of water the day prior and the day of your Bikram yoga session, I suppose since we should all be staying hydrated anyways this shouldn’t be a problem but who are we kidding? We all slip up at some point, shrug.

I decided against continuing on with Bikram’s Yoga. Even though I know a bunch of people who swear by it it’s really expensive and not what I am needing at this point for my main form of exercise. If it wasn’t so freakishly expensive I’d be really tempted to continue on with it, using it as part of my exercise routine but $160/month is too much to spend if I’m only going two times a week. You have to be really committed to Bikram’s to get your moneys worth.

Since then I have been doing my normal stuff, dragon boat practices (although season just ended, sadness, so no more of that for a while), gym time…I unfortunately got really sick two weekends ago and it was a pathetic recovery, took longer then I would like so I stayed away from the gym longer then I wanted to, mostly cause I had no energy, if walking to the store across the street caused me to get light headed and a bit dizzy I figured going to the gym was probably a bad idea lol. I seem to be all better now so I’ll be starting my gym time again soon, probably tomorrow before work. I’m going to be signing up for my boxing classes again once payday comes around since that’s my off season sport and I’m looking in to trying OC’ing, something a lot of dragon boaters seem to do once db season has ended…not sure I want to be on the water during the winter though, brr! lol 🙂

Tags: , , , , , ,

A Fresh Start

13 Aug

Alright so I haven’t been on here if for-evah! I know it, you know it, we all know it…so can we just forget about it and move onwards? Please? 😀

Where did I go? Nowhere exciting lol. I’ve still been here, doing the same ol same ol that is my life, I just haven’t been blogging about it because well, I couldn’t figure out what to blog about. It was easy when I was on Weight Watchers, I could talk about the points, what I ate, how I followed or didn’t follow the plan, it was easy to see if I was doing things right or if I was going off course. This new plan I switched to is harder to track, I mean sure I have an app that I use to track all my nutritional information (right down to the macro-nutrients, it’s quite scary actually…) but I wasn’t ever really sure if I was doing things right every day, so how could I type about it, not like it’s fair to ask you to help me figure it out, sigh.

Well, add to the confusion of the new eating plan and my increase in Dragon Boat practices (three times a week, wOOt!) and my laziness (like we didn’t all know that was a factor?? lol) blogging dropped by the wayside…is that the proper expression? I’m never really sure…Oh, and don’t forget my having a life, I do have one of those you know, and it does take time out of my blogging, facebooking, emailing, twittering, msn-ing, google-ing, youtubing when it amps up…hey, something has to give, there isn’t enough time in the day for everything! lol

I managed to get a job, finally! It pretty much rocks, I really like it…not as much as oh say, getting paid to act!!! but it’s a good company, good hours, good people just in general good place so I’m content for now…not that I’m giving up on you Hollywood! I’m still coming for you!…somehow…

An awesome perk to this job is that I get fed there, for a measly $2 I get to eat what the kitchen makes that day and oh my gawd do they make amazing things! Doesn’t matter if it’s lunch or dinner you get a starter (soup or salad), the main course and then dessert, all for $2!! I’ve never eaten so well! The other night I had leg of lamb for dinner, with Mediterranean veggies and roast potato wedges, oh the salad was a Greek salad and there was a strawberry tart for dessert, YUM! Everyday is like this, which is awesome cause well, hello? Foooood! but what sucks is it is gourmet level restaurant quality food (you are thinking that isn’t a sucky thing but for someone trying to lose weight it is!), cause think about it, when trying to lose weight do you eat out 4 times a week? Nope, you don’t! Unless you’re kinda crazy or have a wicked weird lifestyle but let’s not go there k? 😉 And why don’t you eat out 4 times a week? Oh, maybe perhaps because you have no say in how the food is cooked, what ingredients are used…things like that…and you start to GAIN weight! Yeah, you read that right, GAIN weight! Even with all my dragon boat training and gym going I started getting rounder, sigh, and well, that just can’t be allowed to happen!

I took myself off the meal plan today, no more gourmet meals for moi! Nuh-uh! I am going to go back on my low carb, high protein, high healthy fat eating plan and begging mercy from my metabolism. I am going to amp up my exercise routine and hope to hell I can reverse the damage and start going down in sizes again. I’d say down in numbers on the scale but my scale is wonky so I’m going by clothes sizes right now, and how the clothes I currently own are fitting. Jeans are such a good indicator of how your weight is doing aren’t they? Unforgiving bastards that they are…er, I mean, helpful wonderful pants that I could never do without *grumble*

I’m going to go back to basics with my blog, I started using it way back when to hold me accountable because I knew starting Weight Watchers was going to be hard and if I didn’t have other people to be accountable too I’d find it too easy to cheat. I got over that and realized cheating on what I eat or my exercise was cheating myself so I stopped needing this blog to hold me accountable and used it just because I liked to blog. But now, I am going to use it to hold myself accountable. My food will be boring, you’re going to feel pity for my taste buds, and I know on work days when I am smelling all that amazing food, and watching the others eat it and listen to them commenting on it I am going to be sooooo tempted to cheat, but that is where this blog will come in to play (again! lol) If I cheat I have to tell you, and I don’t want to have to admit that I failed, wasn’t strong enough to resist temptation, couldn’t do it. All of you reading this are what is going to help make me strong while I build up my willpower. I can’t believe I let myself slack so much, not when I put in all that hard work. I’ve gotta get back to the grind and this is my first step towards doing that!

On a side note, I know I’ve been away a while but what’s with all these ads at the top of my wordpress screen?? Can I get rid of those, they are super annoying, grr.

Tags: , , , , , , ,

I Stole This…

4 Jun

Alright, so yesterday (Saturday) was the 500m Race Regatta, for those not in the know that is for Dragon Boating. 🙂 I had planned todays blog to be about yesterdays racing and all that happened but it is late (around 2am Monday morning) and I wanna try to get some sleep tonight (I have a cold and breathing is currently quite the challenge so sleep is not a guaranteed restful type of activity right now, sigh) so instead of my Dragon Boating post I am leaving you with a stolen list from http://www.stumbleupon.com  I will not completely endorse this website yet as all I have read is this one article and I followed a link to get there but I like the list and thought you might too.

Enjoy! 😀

Fitness Facts
1) Carbohydrates, protein, fat, and alcohol have 4, 4, 9, and 7 calories per gram respectively.
2) It takes a 3500 calorie deficit to lose 1 pound.
3) Insulin and growth hormone have an inverse relationship.
4) The average person can store 500 grams of glycogen.
5) Only fat and protein are essential macronutrients – carbohydrates aren’t.
6) Muscle glycogen is about 3 parts water to 1 part glucose.
7) You burn more calories during the 23 hours you don’t exercise than the 1 hour you do.
8) You don’t need to do cardio to lose weight.
9) The fat burning zone does not burn more total fat calories – only a higher percentage of calories from fat.
10)You’re never too old to do squats.
11) Weight loss is not a physical challenge – it’s a mental one.
12) The scale cannot measure body fat percentage.
13) You can eat anything you want and still lose weight – but weight doesn’t always equal fat.
14) You can’t target fat loss – fat loss is systemic.
15) Muscle does not weigh more than fat – it’s just denser than it.
16) 0 grams of fat on a label doesn’t always mean there’s no fat in the food product.
17) Whole grain bread is still a processed food.
18) Eating healthy is not more expensive than a junk food diet.
19) You can’t calculate body fat percentage from height and weight alone – you need to physically measure it.
20) You can get glucose from both protein and glycerol – not just carbohydrates.
21) Just because a box says “whole grain” on it, it doesn’t make it healthy.
22) You should never attempt weight loss at the expense of your health.
23) Being vegetarian doesn’t just mean you don’t eat meat – it means you follow a plant-based diet.
24) Workout times and negative side effects are positively correlated.
25) Gym membership prices are negotiable.
26) Cooking your food can both lower some nutrient content, and make some more bioavailable.
27) There’s a high correlation between the fitness level of the people close to you, and your own physical fitness.
28) It’s harder to put on 10 pounds of muscle than it is to lose 10 pounds of fat.
29) Once an adult, fat cells can be created, but they cannot be lost – only shrunken.
30) Eating at night does not make you fat – overeating does.
31) You don’t need to do curls to get good biceps.
32) Being skinny does not automatically mean you have a low body fat.
33) The perimeter of the grocery store is where 90% of the healthy food is.
34) If bad food is in the house, you’ll be more likely to eat it.
35) Thyroid hormone output and exercise intensity are positively correlated.
36) Healthy levels of testosterone are good for both men and women.
37) You don’t need a gym membership to strength train.
38) Unless you weigh less than 100 pounds, it’s unlikely you need less than 1000 calories to lose weight.
39) Workout intensity is positively correlated with the degree of EPOC – the afterburn effect.
40) There are 3 types of skeletal muscle fibers – type I, type II-A, and type II-B.
41) 80% of people who begin an exercise program will quit.
42) The body has 3 energy systems – ATP-PC, anaerobic glycolysis, and aerobic.
43) Strength gains come from muscle hypertrophy and improved muscle fiber recruitment.
44) Dehydrating a muscle by 3% can cause a 10% loss of strength.
45) The thermic effect of food (TEF) is highest for protein.
46) Lactic acid is not the cause of delayed-onset muscle soreness (DOMS).
47) The more muscle mass you have, the more calories you burn at rest.
48) Direct abdominal exercises are not necessary to get good abs.
49) You can lose weight and still gain muscle; likewise, you can also gain weight while still losing fat.
50) Consistency and patience are key to long term successful weight loss.

Tags: , , , ,

Weirdest Celebration Yet

31 May

So first the good news, heck, not good, try awesome, excellent, amazing, wonderous…or any other kick ass word you can think of lol. I (finally) got a job! wOOt! 😀 *happy dance*

You might be wondering why the hell I’m so happy to get a job when I’m an actress and this is a “day job” not a paid acting gig so let me explain. I am poor. lol. Easy enough. All actors have “day jobs” because acting is a freakish hard industry to break in to and you’ll starve to death before getting paid acting gigs if you’re not careful. Besides that, you are constantly taking classes, getting new headshots, new demo reels, getting copies of your headshots printed to take to auditions, having to maintain your look (hair, eyebrows, clothes, gym sessions), take classes to have new (or maintain) special skills (what, you think I was born with sword fighting skills? I had to take classes for that.) and then some. It’s crazy how much money you put in to acting when you have no idea if you’ll make it or not and that money could be going towards oh say, saving for a down payment on your own home, exotic vacations, laser eye surgery…the list is endless lol.  But if you truly love acting, and if you feel deep down that is what you are meant to be doing and you can’t envision your life as a non-actor, then you suck it up and get a day job…and then channel as much of that money as you can back in to your acting lol.

So I’ve been hunting for ages for a new day job. I got laid off about a year ago and was collecting EI from the government, that got me enough to survive and that’s about it. This job hunt has been going on a while and I did get a couple offers but for jobs that when I was offered the job, as soon as I got off the phone with the person, I either (1) had a panic attack at the idea of taking the job or (2) cried at the idea of taking the job…neither of which are good indicators of how happy I would be in that job. The jobs were office jobs, monday to friday 9-5 type of deals and they scared the crap outta me. Sure, they pay well, but is a decent pay cheque worth my soul? And before you go rolling your eyes and say I’m being overly dramatic let me point out that (1) I’m an actor, of course I’m dramatic and (2) jobs like that crush a person, you don’t notice at first but eventually you get so sucked in to the company, the steady pay cheque, the rut, that you can’t break out and before you know it you’ve wasted years there that you can never get back. I just couldn’t bring myself to say yes, those job offers made me feel backed in to a corner and that I had to run away as fast as I could or else give up my acting dream forever. I mean, come on, if I wanted to have a boring office job I could have stayed in AB and saved myself the cost of moving here, going to acting school, and making a life for myself in BC.

Luck was on my side though and I found a job I really wanted and turns out they really wanted me too, win-win! 😀 It’s not like it’s a crazy awesome sounding job, it’s a receptionist at a retirement community, but it’s perfect for me at this stage of the game. They pay awesome, I get full extended health benefits (I can finally go to a dentist again! lol), ten paid vacation days (not a lot but decent), my birthday is a paid day off once I’ve been there a year, they are super close to where I work (15 minute commute), there is profit sharing and the BEST part is they are willing to work around my acting and my dragon boating! Oh, and the people are super nice, the job sounds interesting enough I won’t be bored senseless but not so stressful I’ll wanna pull out my hair and when I was offered it I did a happy dance while still on the phone being offered the job – much better reaction then panic attacks or crying wouldn’t you say? 🙂

After I got off the phone and called my parents and facebooked and tweeted about getting the job I immediately thought about how to celebrate this happy day. You’re never gonna guess what I did! Did I…treat myself to a yummy desert? Did I…go out to dinner? Did I…indulge in some form of alcoholic drink? Did I…go hang out with friends? Nope, none of the above. I…went to the gym and had a kick ass workout then I came home, had my protein shake, my half a chicken breast and mixed veggie dinner and then chilled for the rest of the night. So, basically, I treated myself by being healthy…weird huh?

See, lately I’ve been stressing about stuff and have learned the true impact of emotional eating, eek. I’ve been veering super far off course from my eating plan lately and eating stuff I shouldn’t be for no reason other then I can, lame! So, when I got this awesome news instead of going and getting a cinnamon bun or some chocolate or whatever I decided to treat myself by being good to myself. I’m kinda hoping this will re-enforce to my brain and body that healthy eating is good and leaves me feeling good and unhealthy eating is bad and leaves me feeling bad…I’d give you feedback on if it’s working but the day after I woke up sick and am still sick today and when I’m sick it totally messes up my appetite so I’m not too sure yet…

My first day of training isn’t until June 12th so I have a bit more chillaxin time before entering the land of being a productive member of society lol. My shifts are great, Friday and Saturday I work 3p-9p, Sunday and Monday I work 7a-3p. Some people might be all ‘dude, you’re weekend is shot’ but I don’t care, I’d rather have the majority of Monday to Friday 9a-5p available so I can go to auditions – see? The priorities of the actor, lol. 🙂 and my dragon boat practices are Monday evenings so I’ll never have to miss.

Sure, this isn’t a forever kind of job, but that’s not what I was looking for, I was looking for a see-me-through-the-next-couple-years-while-I-make-a-name-for-myself-acting kind of job and for that this is perfect. 🙂

I’m glad I celebrated by going back to my eating plan and exercise plan that day, makes me feel good about the entire day, not just the getting-the-job part. Buuuuut the getting-the-job part was by far the best part of that day! lol 😀

Tags: , , , , ,

Can Knees Just Fall Off?

27 May

Holy crap my knees freakin huuuuuurt! I decided in honour of summer being officially here (in my head that is, I have no idea if the actual official first day of summer has already come and gone, I don’t really keep track of stuff like that lol) I would unlock my bike, drag it off the balcony, drive it to the bike store to get air in the tires and then go ride the seawall, wOOt! I have never ridden the seawall, I have lived here since September 2007 and I have never ridden the seawall, disgusting! and uh, yeah, I have had my bike here that entire time…*sheepish face*…although, in my defence, I have walked the entire seawall, I feel that should be taken in to account when I am being judged…just sayin…

This summer is about being more active, getting out there, exercising but also having fun, finding ways to be social while getting fit…basically an extension of last summer lol 😛 So out came the bike! Let me just say, I looooove my bike. It took me months to pick, I was not just gonna buy any ol thang, I wanted a sweet ride…which, admittedly, when I started the shopping experience was mostly about the colour lol *rolls eyes* I know, how like a girl right? 😉 In the end though I didn’t pick it based on colour, although the colour didn’t hurt (it’s blue, silver and black), I picked it based on what was a good fit for me, my activity level, what I was planning to use it for, ya know, all that important stuff, shrug.

My poor bike has been so neglected for so long though, lol, I haven’t ridden it in I don’t know how many years, eek! All that money spent and I barely use it, lame. I was considering selling it this year so I could buy a paddle for dragon boating instead of using the paddles at the club buuuuut I figured at least give biking a shot before selling her…yes, my bike is a her, deal with it. 😉 lol oh, and no, she doesn’t have a name, I’m not a complete freak, eesh.

Well, it was soooo much fun today! Such a great experience! I biked to the seabus and while waiting for the seabus started talking with another girl who had her bike with her, we were talking about biking trails, helmet vs non helmet wearing, all kinds of biking talk, who knew having a bike with you made you someone people were more willing to talk to? Weird. Well, we were getting along quite well so we decided to ride the seawall together. Normally I hate exercising with other people (unless it’s in a class, like my boxing, or training with the boating team) so part of me was a bit ‘aw man, now I won’t be able to listen to my music while biking, sigh’ but part of me was all ‘hey, someone to bike with, less chance of me getting on the wrong path now’ lol. I warned her that this was my first time biking in years and there was a good chance at some point I’d be exhausted and need to stop or at least slow down or possibly walk the bike for a bit, she was all cool with that and said she’d only been biking a short time too so she might have the same trouble as she hadn’t done the seawall yet – talk about a great match! What are the odds of that? 🙂

I am proud to say we didn’t have to stop at all! There are parts of the path you have to dismount and walk the bikes so we were off them then cause we had to be, and during one of those walking sections she needed to check her phone cause she was waiting for a call so we ended up pausing for a minute or so and well, ok, the view was amazing so once we paused to take pics…crap, ok, fine, we stopped a couple times I guess, damn! But we weren’t stopping due to exhaustion or being unable to go on, we stopped uber briefly twice and really, I don’t feel those pauses negatively impacted our results, so there! 😛 lol

While biking I have a tendency to just go, I stand on the pedals a decent amount to help absorb shock when going over bumps or curbs etc, it’s just reflex, it’s how I always used to bike. I think I’m gonna hafta be more careful with that from now on cause I am now regretting that, sigh. My knees! I feel so old complaining about them but seriously man, they hurt soooo badly! I’ve been going up and downstairs doing laundry and each time I have to get up from the chair, and then go on the stairs, and then sit again I want to cry. I have arthritis in my left knee from the injury I had all those years ago so I’m used to that one acting up and I sorta expected it would protest while I was biking but it didn’t so I went hard the entire time, didn’t really pamper my knees at all…guess the knees need pampering while biking, although how the heck I do that I have no idea!

I’m actually tempted to put a heating pad on my knees they hurt that much but I’m not sure if that will actually help…I know I am having trouble sleeping cause of the pain, hence my writing this post at 3:30am…and I’m kinda concerned cause I have plans tomorrow that involve a lot of hill walking and since just going down my hallway is painful and making me limp I’m not so sure how I’ll do on the hills, guess I’ll find out in the morning! lol

I know I am bitching, and yeah my knees do really hurt, but I think it was worth it. 🙂 I made a new friend (we swapped info and plan to go biking again), I got outdoor exercise (something I don’t get often since I hide from the sun a lot lol), I got to use my bike instead of neglecting it and I had fun. Really, what more could a person ask for from a Saturday? 😀

view of the seawall in one of the pedestrian only sections

 

pretty sunset

 

just one more awesome view from today

 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Outside Inspiration #TNDO

19 May

Sometimes you need to be inspired or motivated by something other than what you tell yourself, you need someone to look up to, someone to follow, some idea or mission or poster or something! Sure you should always have a nice long list of reasons for why you are working your ass off to get in shape but sometimes your reasons just seem to fade from your head and on those days you need something else to help you remember why you are on this journey.

When I have those days I watch this video:

Giavanni Ruffin’s How Bad Do You Want It?

It is a freakin amazing video! There is a voice over done by Eric Thomas and he is giving such an inspirational message that I don’t know how anybody can listen without immediately feeling like they can do anything, they can fight, they can push hard, they can win! The message, combined with the video makes me want to get up and get my lazy butt to the gym every single time! 🙂

The back story (simplified) is this, Giavanni played one year of high school football and wanted to go professional so he went to a community college but didn’t get a lot of play so he switched schools the next year and was played on, hmm, I think it’s called First String? or Wave, or something like that…basically, he got to play more. He rocked it at school but he had some kind of legal trouble or something and it messed up his chances to go in to the NFL right after college. So, he has been working his ass off to get into the NFL and he made this video to help inspire people and to show what he is doing. Well holy crap, I don’t think anybody has ever done more in the fight for their goal. The video went viral and had so many responses he started a website and he now has a motto, it’s Take No Days Off, or TNDO. I LOVE it! He’s also got some brains goin on in that head of his cause he started a clothing line for TNDO and now he has quite the following. He does all the work himself in regards to taking the orders, getting them sorted and shipped out, he’s not just slacking now that everyone knows who he is. I totally want a shirt to wear to the gym but can’t afford to buy one yet…not that they are over priced, just that I am way poor lol 😛

He also started doing vlogs since people kept wanting updates on what is going on with him and his football, he is considered a free agent and signed oddly enough with a Canadian Football Team, *rolls eyes*, why that poor boy is coming up here to our football league I don’t understand, we don’t pay nearly as much! but hey, yah for the Hamilton team which has signed him cause they definitely got a guy who will push hard everyday and not be out worked by any other player.

So what is it about Giavanni and this video that is so inspiring? Is it the fact that a super yummy looking guy is shown in a video working out so lots of women are oggling him? (hey, don’t go rolling your eyes! ladies like eye candy just as much as men! and he is hawt! lol) Is it the message in the voice over? Is it that a normal everyday person is letting us see how badly he wants to reach his goal and is letting us in on how much he is willing to fight for it?…I think that last one might be closest.

Sure, most people have goals, they want to achieve things, but most people never let on just how badly they want to achieve those goals, and once they get them (if they get them) they act like it was a given they would get there and it’s no big deal. That’s how our society works, we’re not allowed to show how much something means to us, we’re all supposed to be super cool and slightly disdainful and bored cause we have everything. I am guilty of this. There are lots of times when I want something so badly I can barely breath because of it, the wanting takes over my every thought, my reason for doing everything, the goal is all I can think about, all I can dream about, all I care about. But do I let on how much I want it? Nope, never. In fact, the more I want something the less I talk about it. In my experience if I mention how much I want something, it’s a given I won’t get it. So now I keep my mouth shut. The added benefit to keeping my mouth shut is that if I don’t get what it is I was trying for I don’t have to deal with people constantly seeing if I am ok, I can grieve alone, in private. The downside is that people seem to think I don’t really care, don’t really have goals or plans, they think I am drifting when in reality I am fighting for what I want but silently.

But Giavanni, he made his goal as public as possible, it’s all over youtube, it’s all over his website that he started, he talks about it in documentaries he has filmed, he goes to local schools and talks to the students there to inspire them and openly talks about his story…it is like this man isn’t worried he will not succeed and have people all over the world know he didn’t make it. He is confident, he is fighting for what he wants, he won’t give up…and by him showing the world that he won’t give up on his dream, a dream that only a small percentage of people will ever achieve, it makes me think that I can reach my goal too, That is Giavanni’s magic, in his videos he talks about how you can reach your goals, not just him, he encourages his viewers to do whatever it is that they can, he reminds you it can be done. He isn’t jaded yet, he isn’t bitter, he isn’t saying that life dealt him a crap deal so he can’t get what he wants. He is saying he takes responsibility for his past actions and this is what he is doing to rectify the situation and he will get to the NFL. And ya know what? I believe him. 🙂

Tags: , , , , , , ,

The Cat Says…

17 May

Anybody who lives with an animal that doesn’t reside in a cage (soooo a dog, cat or free range bunny?) knows that those furry little (or big!) animals are very good at letting their humans know what they want, when they want it…they are also quite good at conveying their disappointments in us and at times even let us know when we have screwed something up by such monumental standards even they can’t over look it. lol

This cat I live with has me so whipped it’s ridonkulous! If he wasn’t so cute I’d be distraught at how quickly I went from autonomous human to cat slave! Even as I type this my fingers strain to reach the keyboard cause the cat is resting on the entire front of my body and if I stop cuddling him for longer then 15 seconds or so I get a paw patting my face that has claws slightly unsheathed, a not so gentle reminder that he has decided it is cuddling time and I am not getting with the program…obviously I like to live dangerously since I am still typing lol. 😉

There is one way this cat is not like other cats I know, he doesn’t like human food. Now, I don’t mean he doesn’t come meowing at me when I’m cooking something but that he’ll sneak it off my plate if I’m not careful, nope, he doesn’t even look at me with big sad eyes while I’m eating in the hopes I’ll share…he just doesn’t care. I can put a plate with freshly cooked salmon on the table and walk away and it is perfectly safe cause dude, this little guy just don’t care for it! How great is that? I of course keep tempting him with random human foods just to see if he’ll change his mind but so far, nuthin…Then! I opened a can of tuna. How cliché right? A cat that likes tuna…who knew he’d end up having such pedestrian tastes. 😛

He’s a smart little guy though and he knows the only food I eat out of a can is tuna so as soon as he sees the can opener in my hand he is all over me like white on rice! Climbing up my legs, meowing like he’s been starved for days and this is his only chance for food until the next millenium, just a general adorable cat freak out. Of course, being the dutiful slave I am I always serve him some of the tuna first. Heck, I even serve him, then put a little more off to the side so when he is done I can give him seconds lol. Everyone likes seconds right? 😉

Well, today was the first time that his second helping was apparently not enough, he felt he deserved more, oh dear. I totally would have caved but I had already mixed the Miracle Whip, avocado and diced tomato in to the tuna so it was a no-go for him. I may be willing to give him treats but I’m not gonna give him something that’ll make him sick, what kind of person do you take me for? *raised eyebrow*

I explained to him there was no more…yes, I talk to the cat, deal with it lol 😛 and continued making my meal. Well, he came over when I was sitting down and took interest in the plate so I let him have a look so he’d see I wasn’t eating straight tuna and therefore being a jackass by not sharing. Well! The look he gave me! He took one look at my plate then looked up at me like “what the hell did you do to the tuna? I can smell it but can’t see it! Stupid human!” then he started sulking and stalked away from me, obviously so disappointed in my food error he couldn’t even look at me, let alone be in the same room as me.

So what did I do to this tuna that made it such a disappointment to the cat but yummy for my taste buds? It’s something my friend KL came up with and I love it! See, I keep wanting to like tuna but every time I’d try it I’d gag, ugh, it’s so healthy but so disgusting! KL though fixed that dilemma! You take a can of tuna, drain it (duh, lol), add chopped onion or celery or whatever you like, add Miracle Whip (or Mayo if that’s your dealio) and mix till it is a consistency you like. I add a lot of Miracle Whip to help hide the tuna taste. Then you cut open an avocado, dice it and put that on the tuna, mix it all up so the avocado is spread evenly around but not complete mush, then you dice up some tomato and put that on top and voila! Edible tuna! 🙂 Easy peasy huh? It’s especially great if you are low carb like me *pout* and can’t have bread on any kind of regular basis thereby taking away the opportunity for a tuna sandwich…or any sandwich really…

I like this dish so much I eat it about once a week, Mmm! Now that summer is here it’s even better cause days/evenings when the apartment seems especially warm or I am especially lazy, or rushed, it can be put together super fast, doesn’t require a lot of effort or the turning on of the oven and like I already said, tastes great…well, if you put lots of stuff in there to hide the tuna flavour cause yeah, I’m still not really sold on tuna unless I can disguise it really well. 😛

Just don’t let your cat see what you did to the tuna or you may spend the rest of the day making it up to them…like I am right now…

my owner, all tucked in and ready for bed, he’s glaring at me cause I had the audacity to read before going to sleep so the light was still on and bothering him…not even kidding!

Tags: , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →