Tag Archives: weight loss

Shortest Day Ever

21 Jul

Yesterday I was up and out of the house earlier then normal for me, I was out most of the day, then came home in time to chill for a bit before going to boxerfit class (where my ass was kicked!), then I was home again and up stupid late for no reason. By the time I got to bed I fell asleep crazy fast (a nice change from usual).

Well, today my alarm went off at 11am but I turned it off and rolled back over (yawn), the next time I woke up it was…3:30pm! Can you believe it? Even I think that is late! ack, I slept the whole day away…oops.

I got up right away, showered etc and decided I might just have enough time to eat and get to this evenings boxerfit class…I was feeling (and am still feeling) lots of muscle pain and the idea of going to exercise was making me grimace but what could I do? I gotta lose weight so I gotta exercise.

By the time I had eaten it was crunch time but I just couldn’t make myself move fast enough and I realized something, it was already after 5pm and I had only just eaten my first meal (which was 7 points), that meant there wasn’t much day left but lots of points left…hmm…and! if I went to boxerfit class I’d earn 7 exercise points (which I know I don’t have to eat but I usually eat a couple of them if my exercise was particularly intense cause I feel my body needs the extra energy) so how the heck was I gonna eat all those points when there was barely any day left??

This all culminated into the perfect reason to not go to boxerfit class lol. 😛 I actually really wanted to go, well sorta, but the points stuff combined with my muscle pain and feeling of total exhaustion made it easy for me to convince myself to not go. *rolls eyes* I swear, someone should pay me to come up with excuses for things, I do a great job! 😉

So here I am, it’s amost 9pm and I’ve eaten 14 points, only 6 points left to eat to reach my daily points and I am sure I will manage it lol.

Now the question is, tomorrow, do I go to a make up Dragon Boating training session or do I go to BoxerFit class? I get a better workout with the boxerfit class but I want to have the best rowing form I possibly can since there is a race coming up for my dragon boating team. Tomorrow isn’t the only chance I will have to attend a make up session for the boating which is making me lean towards the boxerfit class instead, it may be painful but I leave there covered in sweat and knowing I really earned my exercise points, and, it’s an all over body workout whereas dragon boating is more the upper back and core muscles…not so much the legs or arms and I gotta work the whole body not just sections of it…well look at that, I seem to have talked myself in to the higher intensity boxerfit class instead of the easier and more fun dragon boating, who’d of thought that would happen? 😛

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How To Tell…

20 Jul

…You had a kick ass workout

(1) every article of clothing you were wearing while exercising is soaked through with your icky sweat

(2) driving home is way difficult and you feel you are almost impaired in some way because you have trouble focusing and you possibly even take a slightly weird route home just to avoid bending your arms to manage the turns cause of muscle pain

(3) while driving home you sit uber straight to avoid your sweat soaked clothes touching the seat

(4) walking up the path to your front door makes you whimper silently in your head

(5) you can’t touch anything in your apartment because you don’t want to get sweat on anything

(6) getting your sports bra off is a form of torture cause it’s so wet it’s become glued to  your skin

(7) the water spray hitting you when you get in the shower makes you whimper out loud

(8) the stretching action required to get dressed makes you grimace

(9) the act of sitting on the couch makes you groan out loud

(10) realizing you sat before getting anything to eat or drink brings tears to your eyes

Voila! That is how to tell if your workout was a major ass kicker or just a regular ho-hum workout. 😀

I would like to point out that my workout tonight was a major ass kicker. 😀 Yah! I went to boxerfit class and there were way more people there then normal, so many in fact that only the first 20 people who signed in were allowed to stay cause if there were anymore then that the room would be too full, lucky I was the 20th name on the sign in sheet. 🙂 Because there were so many of us we couldn’t do the boxing part of the work out cause there wasn’t enough equipment for everyone, sadness, instead he took us through an hour of interval training, so basically it was an hour of intense cardio combined with muscle toning work. omg, the pain! the Paaaaain! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! 😛

I did 60 push ups, something I heartily suck at and I lost track of how many squats I did *rolls eyes* we of course did a whole whack of other moves but those two stick out a lot in my mind right now. lol.

I’m glad I got myself to class cause I went out for lunch with KL today and ate a crepe that was filled with chicken, swiss cheese, egg and mayo…oh and KL and I shared some fries. Then I went to hang with some of the old work buddies and while I was there a Dairy Queen ice cream cake was delivered and they insisted I have a slice so I also had a slice of cake, Mmm! It was a tiny piece tho! Honest!

After all that food I figured I was done with eating for the day cause oh man, the calories! eek! I can’t even begin to calculate the points cause well, I have no nutritional info lol. Hmm, I might be able to get an approx points value for the cake, I’ll hafta check. 😛 But yeah, way high in points so I was cutting myself off…then I ended up going to boxerfit heh. By the time I got back from boxerfit and was showered I was hungry and felt I earned some points, some carbs and some protein at least! lol.

I’m not really sure if I ate too many points today and I can’t really afford to over eat on my points cause I keep eating bad for me stuff this week, sigh. Least I am managing to get some form of exercise everyday to (hopefully!) counteract the food…*scared face* Guess we’ll find out on weigh in day *face of dread* 😉

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My Harry Potter Post

19 Jul

I have seen a bunch of posts all over the place about Harry Potter, how devestated people are that it is over, end of an era, end of their childhood – things like that. Now normally I would be the first to laugh at things like that except…I kinda get it.

I didn’t grow up with Harry Potter, those three lovable kids have always been younger then me, but I did watch every movie and became crazily impatient between the watching of one and the airing of the next. I remember when one of the movies was coming out, I was writing a paper for a class at university and a friend called saying she got us tickets to the midnight showing opening night and to get my butt to her place so we could go get in line. Well, hello, writing a paper! That was the fastest paper I have ever written, lol, I had it done by 10pm so I could get to her place, pick her up and get to the theatre in time to get a decent seat, then when I got home I had to proof read it and make sure it was perfect so I could hand it in first thing the next morning. I think I spent a total of 4 hours writing a 12 page paper – ah, the things we do for Harry Potter lol. 😛

I am the only person I know who loved HP and watched every movie at midnight showings (except for the first movie of course) but hadn’t read the books. After I saw the first movie I fell in love with it and wanted to read the books but I heard a lot of people who loved the books were kinda upset with the movie, they were saying it wasn’t as good…well, I didn’t want to not fully enjoy all the movies so I decided the day after watching the first HP movie that I would watch all the movies and then read the books.

Do you know how hard it has been not reading the books?? Even harder was managing to not overhear someone yacking everytime a new book was released and learning what was going to happen before the movie for that book had come out. *rolls eyes* I knew someone was going to die but had no idea who it was and it was extremely difficult keeping that ignorance since everyone in the world seemed hell bent on ruining it for me and letting it slip what happens to who. But manage it I did and I got to the final movie with absolutely no idea what was going to happen to any of the characters, phew!

Course, the whole time all I kept saying was “as long as (insert name here) doesn’t die I will be fine, they can kill anyone else but not that person!”…well, yeah, sigh, that person, that character that I loved from the very beginning…died. Waaaaaaaaaaaaa! I was so upset when they died, still am to tell the truth.

Now I am reading the books (and totally loving them!) and getting to relive the adventure from the very beginning because of course, for all that the movies are matching the books (so far) it is still a different experience reading about what those three get up to then it is watching it. And also, my fave character is still alive at this point so I am getting to enjoy him all over again. 🙂

What does this have to do with weight loss? Um, nothing, shrug, I just felt like putting my two cents in about Harry Potter and his adventures. I am sad that the movies are over, they were something to look forward to, something to enjoy, and now there is one less thing in the world to look forward to, and that’s not cool. erg.

Ok, so back to things that are more relevant, I got my final piece of clothing needed for my outfits for my demo reel. Since I have 3 scenes I need 3 distinct outfits and each outfit has to match the character I am playing in that particular scene. I was missing a black collared shirt that I could wear under a fitted jacket – I am a cop in that scene and in the land of tv/movies that is what cops wear, shrug. Most of what I needed I was able to borrow from KL but I still needed this shirt, luckily I was able to find one in a second hand store so it only cost me $7.99 plus tax. 🙂

The best part was the store is in walking distance from my place so I walked for all my errands today, it’s not the same as my hiking in terms of exercise cause it’s more of a casual walk but I still count it as exercise since I broke a sweat (a more delicate sweat then when I am exercising tho lol) and I was being physically active. All in all I was walking for about an hour and this area is hilly so I was going up and down, it was nice. 🙂 I decided to take it a bit easy today since yesterday I hiked and went dragon boating and I am sooooo feeling it! Tomorrow I will be back to my normal exercising, but a more relaxed form of activity was nice for today. 🙂

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I Am A Coke Bottle

18 Jul

I am a coke bottle.

Yup, you read that right. However, do you understand what I mean by it? Probably not…but no worries cause I wouldn’t know what it meant if someone said that to me and I hadn’t been to film school, lol.

Ok, anyone who is in the entertainment industry is a product, products are there to be sold. I should amend that, some of the people in the entertainment industry are there to do the buying and selling of the products (the actors, musicians, writers etc). When one of my teachers told my class to think of ourselves like Coke Bottles and it was up to us and our agents to “sell” us to casting directors and others within the industry it made me really think about what I was getting myself in to. It didn’t disuade me from continuing on my journey towards being a paid actor though cause really, that is all I want to do so if that is how the industry perceives actors, well, that’s fine with me. 🙂

There are lots of things to think about when you start thinking of yourself as a product and not a person – there are things I can’t do to myself without some serious thinking because the changes I make to myself will affect agents wanting me and affect what auditions I can be sent out for. shrug. Soooooo what does this mean? It means that even though I really really really want to get my nose pierced with a little silver hoop and get my upper left ear pierced with a bar that connects two different sections of my ear lobe I will do neither, cause I have a face that can be quite commercial/girl next door if I tone down my makeup but that will be lost if I am covered in piercings.

Also, because my hair has to match what I look like in my headshots once my pictures were taken I became fully committed to keeping this haircut cause I can’t afford new headshots. That is ok though cause I like my haircut…or I did.

I had my first encounter with changing my appearance in a way I didn’t want to but that was suggested (in a very firm, I can’t actually say no to the suggestion kind of way) when I had my first meeting with IQ, the acting coach who is going to film my demo reel. Now you might be thinking, why change your appearance because one person said to, simple, she is crazy good at what she does and not making the change she suggested (in that very firm tone) would be the same as being told by a lawyer “don’t talk!” but you go blathering away when the detective questions you – why would you not take the advice of someone who knows more then you and is only trying to help you?

So, my hair has been changed. I spoke to IQ about my concern about changing my hair since I can’t afford new headshots and she said I won’t need new headshots, at least not for agent hunting, because they will have the demo reel to watch and will see me there with the new look but the new look isn’t soooo drastically different from what they will see in the headshots. It made more sense when she said it to me lol.

I changed my hair in the way IQ suggested…and I don’t like it! ugh. I was fairly certain I wouldn’t, what she wanted done is so not my style but others think it looks good so I’m thinking maybe it looks good but my own prejudice against this particular hairstyle is making me more critical of it then normal. Oh, I should probably say what got done huh? I now have sidesweeping bangs…sigh. I hate bangs!

The reason IQ wanted me to get them is because she wanted to “soften my look”, especially around the eyes. I (according to her) have a dominant forehead and large eyes, uh, duh! lol. This I already knew, shrug. So she wanted the sidesweeping bangs to soften my eye area and make my forhead less dominant. sigh. I would have been more comfie if she asked me to chop all my hair off, or get a piercing, or pretty much anything else but noooooo, she had to ask me to get bangs. *rolls eyes*

They totally change the shape of my face in a way I don’t like, my face looks fatter now! Fatter! I spend all this time losing weight and am working to lose the rest of it and what happens?? I get a stupid hair cut that makes my face look fatter, so Not cool! This whole softening (aka fattening) the look of my face had better work!

Since the haircut on Saturday I have been hiding out in my apartment but I had dragon boating tonight so what could I do but go out in public? I figured I might as well just get everything over with so I hiked this afternoon, came home, showered, ate, then went dragon boating. So now lots of people have seen me with these bangs – since I wasn’t pointed at or openly laughed at I can only assume I don’t look as ridiculous as I think I do, *rolls eyes* no real guarantee about that tho 😛

My first time having to change my look because someone else said so, I went through with it, and am even dealing with the change in a slowly decreasingly bitter way lol, looks like I am ok with being a product! 😀

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Slightly Distracted

12 Jul

I was all ready to start writing a post yesterday when my roomie came in to the living room, sat down and told me she is moving out. sigh.

When I asked her why – in a whiny complainy type of voice, she said she can’t afford rent anymore so she has to leave. She is from AB and has no family here, same as me, so where I wondered (out loud and to her face) is she going to go that is even less expensive rent wise then where we are? Turns out she has a friend from school who has rich parents, the parents are going on a 2 month long trip so my roomie’s friend is going to move in to the main part of the house and my roomie is going to move in to the fully furnished rental suite her friend has been living in…rent free! Nice, huh?

I wish I had a friend who had rich parents and were ok with letting me freeload for a couple months…altho what she will do when they come back from their trip is beyond me, shrug.

So now I have to start two searches, the first is for a new roommate the second is for an apartment I can afford on my own (highly unlikely) in case I can’t find a new roommate. Arg. Annoying!

As soon as she left the living room I paused my movie (I was in the process of a Harry Potter marathon in preperation for the new and last movie in the series being released this week 😀 ) and posted an ad to Facebook Marketplace for a roommate and then I proceeded to search the FB Marketplace for apartments for rent, I also started searching craigslist and kijiji, always fun *rolls eyes*

Oh how I wish I could afford to live on my own so that I don’t go through this every frickin time a roommate moves out, double sigh.

I am proud to say though that this wonderous added stress to my life has not affected my eating at all, I didn’t splurge on high calorie food after she told me this and I have obeyed my points today. Yah! I didn’t get to exercise today, cause I had to be up and out earlier then normal and by the time I got home it was almost 8pm and I’d only eaten 8 points by that point so no way in hell was I going hiking when I was soooooo hungry and by the time I was done eating it was dark and I can’t walk the path when it’s dark cause the moonlight doesn’t get through to the path so I can’t see where I am going…and frankly, it belongs more to the coyotes once the sun has gone down then to us silly 2 legged creatures. lol. and wow that was a really long run on sentence, eesh. Everyone take a breath now. lol. 🙂

So now it is almost 10pm and I still have 4.5 points left, I love when that happens! I am gonna make toast and put nutella on it, Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!, that will use 2 points so after that I will probably eat some fruit, hmm, now that I think about it I will for sure eat some fruit, I have cherries and a couple peaches so I have the yummy fruit not the boring stuff. 😛

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A Weekend of Firsts

10 Jul

I had so many ‘firsts’ happen this weekend it’s a bit odd, I mean, usually one new thing a weekend is expected and enjoyed, but more then one? Crazed! They were all my doing mind you, I chose to try these new things and luckily enjoyed every experience but why I crammed them all in to one weekend is beyond me. I figure I’ll start at the beginning of my weekend and walk you through the firsts. 🙂

So, the first first was my making and then eating a Mushroom Omlette. Now, this might not seem like any kind of big deal to any of you but I have never made an omlette, in fact, I don’t even like them. lol. So why did I make one? Cause my mom had told me how my oldest nephew had been at her and my dad’s place and asked for a mushroom omlette for a snack (the kid is a bottomless pit and just keeps eating and eating lol), anyways, that was one of the things he wanted that day and I kept thinking how I’m pretty sure at the age of 10 I never would have asked for that, not even cause I didn’t like omlettles but cause I’d be more inclined to ask for toast or something. But because of that convo I kept having mushroom omlettes floating in my head so I decided to make one…well, lemme tell you, it was so not pretty! I’m not even sure it can be called an omlette cause it didn’t fold over properly or look at all like an omlette…it was more of an egg/mushroom/cheese jumble. A very tasty jumble but a jumble none-the-less.

My second first was later that day when I was doing errands, this one isn’t really all that entertaining, I was buying makeup that is for a “natural fresh faced look”, that is soooo not my normal look, lol, I usually wear black eyeliner, dark jewel tones for eyeshadow that are then covered with black to make them smoky, combine that with my uber pale skin and my eyes pop. I wouldn’t say I am goth or punk or alternative or emo, I am just me, and I take a little bit from all those types and others to create how I look, shrug, but for my demo reel I need 3 distinct looks for the 3 different scenes and characters I will be playing and none of those looks are my normal one. Sooooo, off to the cosmetic counter I went…well, actually first I went to youtube and watched tutorials about how to create these looks and wrote a list of what I will need, lol, then I hit up the cosmetic counter. 🙂

Then I went to Tim Horton’s and got the Mixed Berry Fruit Smoothie with Yogurt, I had heard it was good and usually I love what I get from Timmy’s but omg that smoothie was soooooo bad! ugh! ick! gack! It had the worst after taste evah! I wasn’t even able to finish it I disliked it that much, I drank a little under half of it (I made sure to confirm this before I threw out the left overs so I’d know how many points to count for it lol). sigh. I had so been hoping for a new summer fruity slushy drink but ah well, least I will be saving points lol.

Then today I put the battery I bought yesterday in to my scale and weighed myself for the first time in a month! I wasn’t looking forward to this first cause I was worried I may have screwed up big time and gone up Up UP! Well, despite not having a working scale and therefore not being able to monitor my weight for the past month I managed to not screw up…too badly. lol. I went down in weight but not by all that much, so Yah that I went down but uh, a whole month and I only lost like a pound…durn! Something has gone very very wrong over here…I mean, sure I have days I eat more then what I should or don’t exercise or whatever, but how did I go a month and only lose 1 pound??? I’d like to say this has spurred me on to being even more dedicated to my weight loss but honestly it has just managed to confuse me and since I didn’t think I was cheating that much or being lazy that often I’m not really sure what to do. *confused face* Maybe up the intensity of my exercise? I dunno…if I figure it out I’ll let you know!

Here is my most impressive first for this weekend, I made (as in from scratch, hand made) a chicken burger! Oooooh yeah. 🙂 Here’s the thing, I don’t handle raw meat, ever! I don’t like it, it freaks me out, it’s icky. When I cook meat it is frozen, and I kinda drop it from the package on to the cooking aperatus and then I scrub my hands clean just in case I came in to contact with the meat…I do the same with fish as well in case you were wondering. So why did I decide to make a burger from scratch? Cause I am a product of my generation and easily swayed and convinced to do or try things based on ads on tv lol. I am not even joking! I keep seeing this ad on tv about this mom who has ten minutes, two hungry kids and a pound of ground beef so she combines the beef and some ranch powder mix (the kind you mix with, well, I don’t know what you mix the powder with but when you do you have ranch dip for veggies n stuff) and boom, she has 4 ranch hamburgers. Well, if she can do it  I can do it and I swear I see that ad like 15 times a day…it really made me want to try making a hamburger on my own, with ranch powder mix lol.

So, I went grocery shopping on saturday and had to call my mom from the store cause like I know what else I am supposed to put with the meat and ranch powder to make it become a burger? lol. The amount of times I call my mom from the grocery store, oy! While shopping I found ground extra lean chicken and decided to use chicken instead of beef cause it’s a healthier meat and I think I need to ease in to the touching of meat…somehow I thought chicken would be less icky even though when it’s in the package all ground like that it looks like worms, I kept waiting for it to start moving, ugh, how in the world people ever got past the look of raw ground chicken and started cooking with it is beyond me. 😛

Luckily, I barely had to touch it, phew! I dumped it from the package into the bowl and used a wooden spoon to mix all the ingredients together, I only touched it when taking a half cup of the mix from the bowl to put it in the pan, and then I of course used super hot water and lots of soap and scrubbed my hands. Raw meat *shudder*.

My burger patty had the chicken, the ranch powder, bbq sauce, diced onion and 1 egg in case you were wondering. It was tasty. I started coughing at one point cause I accidentally inhaled some of the powder when mixing lol but other then that the whole process went fairly smoothly. There was enough burger mixture to make 3 patties (1/2 Cup mix each) and a bit left over that I put in the fridge and will brown tomorrow. I have frozen two patties for use another time and well, I ate the third, duh. lol. This might just be a cheaper way to get burgers…I’ll hafta price it out. Usually I buy a box of frozen burger patties for anywhere between $12-$16 a box, I think there are usually 8-10 patties in the box and those patties are the same amount of points as mine turned out to be (4 points) but mine were ranch bbq flavour (so made for my personal taste lol) and fairly cheap to make, the meat was $4 for almost a pound, I already own the bbq sauce and the ranch package was under $2 (that’s with tax), so, almost $6 for 3.5 patties, I could make it 4 patties if I am more careful with how I divide the mixture…anybody out there good at math? Is it better for me to make my own or buy them? My brain isn’t good at figuring out stuff like that… 😛

There we go, my list of first experiences that I had this weekend…most involved food, *rolls eyes* but oh well, least it was healthy, fit-in-my-points food not going out to restaurants and eating crazy-bad-for-me food. 🙂 Little steps people! Little steps. 😀

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Timing Is Everything

8 Jul

So yesterday I woke up late (as usual lol), got dressed for hiking, had a quick wash, and got myself a bowl of cereal. When I go hiking I always eat a half an hour before I go and drink a glass of water so that I have enough energy to make my way through the hike and am decently hydrated. Well, right towards the end of my half hour wait (digesting time cause no one wants to cramp up while hiking) I opened the door to get an idea of the weather (to know what thickness of sweater to wear) and it started to rain…not a little drizzle but like all the clouds in the world opened up all at once right above my place of residence. Great timing huh?

I couldn’t believe it! If I had not slept in and gotten up at a more “normal” time I would have already hiked and this rain storm wouldn’t have affected me at all but noooooo, I hadda sleep in, and now what? How was I s’posed to go for my hike when the trail was right at that moment being turned in to red mud?

Well, since there was nothing I could really do about it, oddly enough I don’t have control over weather patterns 😉 , I decided I might as well do something useful so I started organizing my new desk. I hadn’t gotten around to putting anything in the drawers yet so I dragged the boxes and bags that were holding all the stuff from my old desk out of my closet and began the boring task of figuring out what was going to go where with the new desk. Uh, by new I should point out it’s actually quite old, an antique that I bought from a friend…it’s got a roll top an everything! It’s so cool! 😀 I used to hate all antique furniture, and most of it I still do, it’s just not my style, but for some reason I love this desk…I love it a little less since it gave me a massive splinter right above my thumb nail/cuticle area that I can’t get out and the area is getting redder and more scary looking with each passing day but whatever, hopefully my body will fix itself soon (it hurts and is annoying). 😛

By the time I got the desk all set up it was hours later, I dawdle a lot when I am cleaning/organizing etc cause frankly, I just don’t find it fun. shrug. Anyways, when I was finally finished I was hungry so I made some pasta and sat down to watch tv while eating. Yeah, I know I am not supposed to watch tv or read or do anything while eating cause I’ll eat faster and not be as aware of what I am eating and blah blah blah but you know what? That’s a load of…well, I’ll let you fill in the word lol. I only make one portion, not like I can go back for seconds and mindlessly eat while watching tv, and what else am I supposed to do while eating dinner, alone. Sit at the table and stare at the wall? I’m pretty sure that’d make me eat faster lol.

While I was eating I realized it had stopped raining at some point and the sun had sorta come out. I was totally wanting to eat some chocolate and some bread and the only way I was gonna get to do that was if I earned some exercise points so I figured I might as well try the trail, if it was way too muddy I’d probably realize it early enough to turn back, maybe…couldn’t hurt to try, right?

Turned out the trail wasn’t too bad, some areas were really muddy but I just went through those areas quicker then normal (so as to avoid my feet sinking) and it was fine, yah! Thanks to that hike I got to have some honey and nutella on toast, sooooo yummy! 😀

It’s funny how timing can affect your whole day, I don’t know if I would have organized my desk if not for the rain cause even though I knew it had to get done I kept putting it off, but in the end the rain was a good thing cause I got my desk sorted, got to hike, got to eat nutella and honey on bread, and since I hiked so much later in the day then normal the fatigue I felt from exercising I channelled in to sleep time instead of trying to over come it with food and liquid to finish out the rest of the day so I also ended up eating NO exercise points, wOOt! wOOt!

Oh, and I also learned that if I go hiking when it has rained a couple hours earlier there are fewer bugs out and about cause they are, well, to be honest I don’t know what they are doing, hiding out in their little bug homes maybe? Having a cup of tea in their little kitchen with friends while waiting for the world to dry out and not be such a menace to their delicate wings? Perhaps taking a nap? Whatever they were doing it kept them away from me and for that I am glad. 🙂

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Oh Dessert Breadsticks, How You Taunt Me

6 Jul

Alright, so guess what yesterday was? It was I-am-pmsing-and-want-to-eat-everything-in-sight day. lol. Seriously, everything! Oh, and whatever I smelled I wanted too! *rolls eyes*

I was meeting up with a friend downtown and I swore to myself before I went that I would not cave, I would not eat a jappa jog, I would not have chocolate, I would.NOT.cave! Get this…I actually managed to not cave – a-frickin-mazing! 😀 I let myself have a small frozen yogurt (worth 2 points) but that was a planned indulgence so I don’t feel bad about that.

However, sigh, on my way home all I could think about was pastry – most specifically the desert breadsticks from Panago, they were all I could think of, all I wanted, I felt like I was gonna go crazy if I didn’t get some so I caved and called Panago, well, no way was I gonna pay extra for delivery so I said I would pick up the order and I was told pick up ends at 10pm and it was 10:15pm so I could only get them via delivery. I took it as a sign the universe didn’t want me spending money, money I can’t really afford to spend anyways so I went home. You’d think that’d solve everything but it so didn’t…I ended up eating 8 Junior Mints (tho they had melted so some of them were just the chocolate shell no minty stuff inside lol), 1 serving of Maltesers, 4 cookies oh, and 2 pieces of toast (the heels of the loaf though and I always feel those should count as slightly less points since they are smaller…altho my bread is only 1 point for 2 slices anyways so I can’t really complain lol), the toast had margarine, raspberry jam and cheese slices on it…weird, I know! I ate all of that cause I couldn’t get the breadsticks so nothing I ate soothed the craving, sigh, annoying.

After a great low points day, and really, I’ve been doing well for a lot of days in a row now, I totally threw it away and ate who knows how many points – but ya know what? It happens. I’m a girl. Deal. 😉 Thankfully it doesn’t happen every month, how bad would that be? Ack! I’d say it’s only like every 3 months or so that my hormones go crazed like that so that’s ok, I can handle that. 🙂

I gotta say though, I still want those dessert breadsticks, *rolls eyes*…maybe I should learn to make my own, hmm, that’s a thought…

Today I ate:

1 pear = 1 point

1 peach = 1 point

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1 Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich = 2 points

85 grams whole wheat spaghetti pasta = 5 points

1/4 C 4 Cheese alfredo sauce = 2 points

mixed cooked veggies = 0 points

Total points eaten = 13

I have lots left yet for the day and not sure how I am going to use them…I’m thinking something that has to do with cheese…apparently that is what I am craving today lol.

On a non food related note, I had a great meeting with the acting coach who is going to film my demo reel, we went over scenes, picked out three, did some reads, she gave me some ideas/coaching, we went over wardrobe for the scenes, stuff like that, it was so so so awesome! Now all I have to do is memorize my three scenes and contact her when I am ready for filming, eeeeeeek! I am so psyched! 😀

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My Petrified Rock Dessert

2 Jul

I was given a recipe from my mom to make Chocolate Cake in a Mug, it’s a one serving dessert for that day you really want cake. Sounds great right? It’s a stupid easy recipe and if you’re a baker you most likely have all the ingredients on hand so the other day I decided to give it a try.

Well, let’s just say it was better in theory then in reality. lol. I killed the poor cake, killed it to the point that my spoon couldn’t even make a dent and it became the closest possible thing to petrified rock that could be ever found in a kitchen. *rolls eyes* You’re supposed to microwave for 5 minutes, well, for my microwave that is obviously toooooooo long!

I can’t think of the last time I messed up on a baking project, I just don’t screw up when baking (yes, I’m aware that sounds conceited lol) but this simple little recipe kicked my butt. I put it down to the microwave, I think it would’ve been fine if I’d microwaved it for way less time but once I saw the result I decided I wasn’t up to trying to make it again quite so soon so the Chocolate Cake in a Mug has been shelved for now.

Oh! And you should have seen my mug! I had to soak it in boiling hot water for hours, and then soak it all over again with fresh hot water, then scrub it like crazy, I really thought I’d managed to make the mug unusable which would’ve been disasterous cause the mug was one of my cute Eeyore mugs from England. Can’t ruin those!

Today was supposed to be weigh in day, I haven’t had a weigh in day in almost a month! I know! I’ve already given myself the lecture! lol. I weighed myself before going to AB, but not while in AB cause every scale weighs different so I figured I’d just wait till I got back here but then weekend after weekend I haven’t weighed in for various reasons. Eeek! So even though I am terrified to step on the scale I realized I really have to get on the damn thing today and find out how I’m doing…I am fairly certain I have gained, I’ve felt heavier in my tummy area for a little while now, ugh.

So, I psych myself up, step on the scale and…nothing. Nothing! The stupid battery died! Can you believe it?!?! And of course it doesn’t use a normal battery, took forever but I finally managed to pry the area where the battery lives open and it uses some round flat silver looking battery, yeah, I soooooo don’t have one of those in my place. *rolls eyes* I’m super uber strict budget girl right now and couldn’t justify driving to the store just to buy a battery, a specialty battery that is probably stupidly expensive, sigh, so no weigh in this weekend…I have a job interview Monday and a consultation on Wednesday about my Demo Reel so hopefully this week something positive will happen and I’ll start earning money again, then I will buy the battery and find out where I am weigh in wise…hopefully I’ve not messed up too badly, I don’t think I have cause my clothes still fit (meaning the newish ones I have are too large but still wearable and my older clothes are all ridiculously huge on me lol).

One day I will be at my goal weight and all my clothes will fit properly…I really can’t imagine how that will be but when it happens I’ll let ya know! 😀

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The Panoptican and You

30 Jun

The Panoptican Theory is my favourite sociology theory, and my favourite Sociologist taught me about the implications of the Panoptican Theory in his published work from 1975 Discipline & Punish: The Birth of the Prison, oh, the sociologist is Michel Foucault. It wasn’t the book that introduced me to this theory, it was one of my many sociology profs at the University of Alberta – after learning what the class text book taught me I read Michel’s work to get a better understanding of it. In sociology I focused on crime, punishment and how these affect and are affected by society – mostly I focused on the criminal as I found that the most interesting. 😀

Before I go off on a tangent about something sociology related that you won’t care about let me tell you how I think the Panoptican Theory applies to dieters. 🙂

Oh, maybe I should give you a cliff’s notes version of the Panoptican Theory in case you haven’t heard of it, I’m thinking there’s a good chance you haven’t heard of it, unless you also studied sociology?

K, The Panoptican Theory: basically, it says that a person will self-regulate their behaviour if they are under 24/7 surverillance or at least think they are under 24/7 surveillance. Prisons were built based on this theory (not all of them obviously lol) but those prisons have a centrally located guard station that can see in to all the prisoner’s cells at all times, the guard station is designed so the prisoners can’t see the guards but the guards can always see the prisoners. By creating a scenario where the prisoner knows he may be monitored at all times he will adjust his behaviour accordingly.

This is a very basic understanding of the theory and doesn’t go in to the “whys” of it but it’s all you really need to know to be able to follow my new theory. 🙂

When people are dieting they either tell everyone or no one. I, when I started, told no one because I didn’t want people to know when I cheated (I was absolutely sure I was going to cheat) and I didn’t want people judging me when that happened. I eventually started telling specific people so I would have a support system of sorts and now everyone who knows me knows I am following weight watchers, lol. Quite possibly the worst kept secret ever! 😛

When I was around people who knew I was trying to lose weight I never cheated, I was able to resist all kinds of goodies and treats partly because I knew they would slow down my weight loss and partly because I was being watched. My confidants had become the guards and I was the prisoner – not that I felt imprisoned, or even really realized this at the time but I’m trying to make sure the correlation to the theory makes sense to everyone. 🙂

Last week my roomie was out of town, we almost never eat at the same time or even in front of each other, our timing just doesn’t work out that way. I have never consciously felt restricted about what or when I can eat by her being around somewhere in the apartment because we do not comment on each others foods. Same goes for exercise, she doesn’t have some little notebook somewhere keeping track of when I go for hikes or go to boxerfit or have a dragon boating session just like I don’t keep track of when/where/what kind of exercise she does.

But, when she was out of town last week I stopped exercising and started eating worse then normal. I ate out more then normal, I pigged out on things, ate flex points like they were going out of style…I even stood in the kitchen at one point while waiting for the kettle to boil and ate a spoonful of Nutella out of the jar – holy crap that was goooood! Would I have done that if I thought RN might come down the hallway at any moment and see me performing this insanely bad for me act? hmmm, to be honest, I might have but I wouldn’t have taken so long to indulge (I really drew out the moment) and no way would there of been as much Nutella on the spoon as there was that evening lol.

I came to the realization when she returned from her trip that she unknowingly acts as my Food Guard. I don’t fear punishment from her if I eat poorly, unlike the prisoners who worried they’d be punished by the guards if they did something they weren’t supposed to while in their cells but it seems that doesn’t matter, shrug. Just by knowing she may walk in the door or come down the hall I have more control over my food cravings and am more inclined to go exercise because I don’t want her to think (1) she’s living with a lazy butt who never gets off the couch (2) all I ever eat is junk food and (3) I can’t stick to a healthy living plan if my life depended on it.

Upon further thought I am sure that she wouldn’t think any of the above, and there are plenty of days when she’s not around when I leave for my exercising or when I get back so she has no idea I even did exercise but again, doesn’t seem to matter.

This made me think, do people who live in a household larger then mine, that is full of people (probably relatives) who probably would comment if they cheated on their food plan or stopped exercising have lower rates of cheating? Do they manage to exercise more often then those who will have no recriminations from anyone if they just don’t go? Or do they still cheat as much but are more subtle about it? Perhaps when making dinner they slip themselves snacks when no one else is in the kitchen, or maybe they sneak in some junk food once the kids and spouse are in bed? That archetypal image used in movies and tv where someone is in their nightclothes stuffing themselves with left over cake while standing in front of the fridge must come from somewhere, right?

So maybe all people are eventually going to cheat on their food plan, or maybe certain personalities are more prone to cheating, maybe our society created the situation? There are so many reasons for why people cheat on their diet (healthy eating plan, whatever!) and so many reasons why we don’t cheat.

Apparently I cheat less when my roomie is around, not in the apartment necessarily, but in the city at least so I know that there is a chance I may be caught gorging on cookies – just the possibilty I will be seen stops the behaviour, it’s not a permanent cure (as I discovered when she was gone, lol) but a situational cure…sorta like how the Panoptican style prison is a situational form of punishment and doesn’t work once the prisoner is released and realizes they are not under constant scrutiny.

Who would have ever thought Foucault would be relevant not only in an academic sense but also in a everyday kinda way…I knew there was a reason he was my fave! 😀

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