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Things I Don’t Even Think About Anymore

22 Nov

I was texting with a friend today who lives in AB, she’s one of my closest friends and it sucks that we live far apart now…yeah yeah, I know, it’s my fault since I’m the one that moved but whatever. So, NH is someone who matters so so so much to me but she is driving me abso-frickin-lutely nuts in one aspect of life and there is nothing I can do about it, arg!

NH is quite large, she’s always been a bit bigger, nothing horrible but over the past couple years she’s gone from being a bit bigger to being so large that I fear for her health. She’s about half a year older then me so she’s in her early 30’s and all I think when I see her is she’s gonna be a statistic for young(-ish) women who die early from obesity related medical problems. I hate it! I want to shake her and make her take better care of herself, I want to breath down her neck 24/7 and insist she make better food and activity choices, I want to be rich so I can hire a platoon of dieticians and trainers and life coaches and force her to get healthier. I don’t care about her size for any reason except for how it affects her health and I care about her health because I am selfish, she is my friend and I want her around for a long long time but the rate she’s going I’ll lose her earlier then needed and then I’ll have to bring her back to life so I can smack her around and well, that’ll just be messy…and weird…

She’s large enough that her doctor prescribed her some weight loss pills that are freakin hard to get without her even asking for them, the doctor saw she needed to lose weight and seemed to think putting her on medication to help jump start the process was the way to go. I could have told her to save the ink with which she wrote the prescription cause I know NH, I know she won’t take those pills and I was right, sadly. She says she kept forgetting or not getting around to it, she also is a big user of the phrase “I’ll start on Monday”, the amount of times she told me she was gonna start taking those pills the following Monday is ridiculous…and she never took any of them. I don’t judge her for not taking the pills, a lot of people are uncomfie with diet pills, but she didn’t take them because she doesn’t want to face her weight or that she should lose some of it, she is really good at just ignoring what she doesn’t like…and really, I can’t judge her for that either cause I am the same way lol

I had a little tiny light of hope inside me that if I lost enough weight on Weight Watchers she’d see the difference when I visit, and hear me speak about how easy the program is and she’d realize she could do it too. I guess I was hoping I’d lead by example…stupid. No matter how many times I’ve visited, how many times she’s seen me getting smaller, how many times I talk about my healthier eating and portion control, how many times I suggest we do active things when I am visiting,  none of it matters, she just keeps going on the path she is on.

So, back to today when we were texting, I was on a bus and I made a comment about how some guy on there had KFC and it smelled oh so good and oh well it’s too bad I don’t eat fast food anymore. Not that I was a huge KFC fan back before my Weight Watchers days, it’s more like I knew back then I had the option whereas now I don’t consider them an option no matter what the circumstance, they are just gone from my list-of-places-to-get-food-from-list that is in my head. Her comment was that I had good willpower lol. I responded saying somedays it was hard but the only fast food I allow myself is Subway and it’s always a 6″, always on the 9 grain bread and always from the low cal sub options (usually the turkey, loaded with veggies, topped with mustard and half the normal amount of the light mayo), I stressed the subs are always so tasty and I’d rather eat that then something from McD’s etc that will leave me feeling ick even though I really miss McD’s, *big epic sigh*

That got me thinking though, about how rules I created for myself when I was starting Weight Watchers have become so ingrained I don’t even think about them anymore. I used to have to work really hard to avoid the fast food places, especially McD’s – they are a huuuuge weakness of mine. But over time, I stopped having to work at it, I just don’t go to those places anymore. If I am out and get hungry and can’t make it back home so I can make my own meal I don’t think “oh, guess I’ll pick up a burger!” I either starve till I get home, buy a bottle of water, get gum or go to Subway. I also got in to a habit of packing little snacks in my purse and a bottle of water if I am going to be out for longer then a couple hours as a just-in-case…that has saved me so many times! lol But see, there is another rule, the bring-food-with-me rule that I don’t even think about anymore, I just do it.

Some other rules I automatically follow are: get off the bus early and walk a bit extra, have half my dinner plate be veggies, use the small plate not the big plate for my meals, drink more water then anything else (sometimes I swap out tea for this but come on, tea is water…with flavour! lol), when I eat out get them to automatically box up half the meal before it’s even brought to me, put salad dressings etc on the side and dip my fork in, order from the healthy section of the menu, eat fish before chicken and chicken before beef and beef before pork and veggies before all of those, have a little nibble everyday of something that tempts me so I don’t feel deprived (I buy Weight Watchers 1 point little chocolate bite sized thingys – they are like baby peppermint patties and baby bounty bars, omg so yum!)

I made these rules so I wouldn’t screw up when I was first starting out on my weight loss journey, now I don’t consider them rules, just ways of being, ways of living, shrug. My friends that I hang out with all the time know I will sit with them if they want to grab a bite to eat somewhere unhealthy but I won’t eat there. I’m perfectly happy to sit and chill while they chow down on some McD’s or Burger King or whatever just as long as they are ok with stopping at Subway afterwards so I can grab a bite. This works for us, and hasn’t caused an issue yet, which is nice. 🙂

I wonder, what rules I live by now that in a years time I will no longer consider rules but ways of living…kinda makes me want to come up with some snazzy new rules just to see how long they last lol. 😛

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Those Sooooo Weren’t Healthy

13 Nov

I had the most oddly delish pancakes today, Mmm!Mmm!Mmm! 😀

I went for brunch and got Pear and Coconut Pancakes – pear and coconut infused pancakes, topped with sauteed pears, a lime mascarpone cream and drizzled with house made vanilla syrup. There were 4 nice an thick pancakes on the plate when it was served – can anyone say “goodbye flex points and daily points!” oh, don’t forget to wave madly as the points go bye-bye lol. 😉

After eating 2 of them nice n slow so I could savour them I was stuffed, hmm, that should be Stuffed with a capital S cause man I was sooooooo stuffed. After two pancakes! Crazed! I was grateful though cause not like those suckers are good for me in any way. lol. I ate the remaining 2 later in the evening for dinner and that was my entire food allotment for the day…not including a hot chocolate (so shoot me, it was chilly out!), a cup of tea, some diet coke and now some water…least I got some fluids in there…right?

I just did a points check on the pancakes and frankly, I think I was better off not knowing – what the hell does the restaurant put in those things? OMG. The fiber is 5, so yah! The calories are 1170, so holy F! And the Fat is 56, kill me, *groan*. That is a whopping 27 points, 27! It’s like I can feel my arteries clogging up a little bit more with each passing minute and my ass getting wider the longer I sit here and type. *double groan*

How do people go to brunch every week and not get obese? ugh.

We did go for a walk after brunch, we were both full and wanted to walk it off a bit, it was a very slow walk, we didn’t go all that far and we stopped and just watched the boats on the water and the moutains in the distance for a good chunk of it…so really, I guess we didn’t walk so much as meandered then paused then meandered to the little shop we got our hot chocolate from lol. Does meandering count in the battle to burn off the amazingly high amount of calories just eaten? I feel it should but I’m pretty certain that is wishful thinking lol. 😉

I had intended to exercise in the afternoon but that didn’t happen, sigh, so I’m for sure gonna hafta do something tomorrow to make up for this disaster. *rolls eyes* I hate make-up-for-disaster-food-days exercise routines, they are always harder, double sigh.

I haven’t really started tracking yet even though my life is getting a little bit more settled since the move…the oven still doesn’t work, huh, just remembered that, I’ll hafta call the building manager tomorrow…but despite the slightly more settled aspect to my life I am still not tracking, still not exercising (except for boxing twice a week – and only once last week cause of the holiday) and still not eating properly…I know this even though I am not tracking cause I am at least sorta trying to track in my head and everyday I know I am not doing a very good job food wise. blarg.

I think tomorrow will have to be a fresh start, I’ll start tracking again, start making healthier food choices, start exercising in some manner everyday…just start doing all the things I know I am supposed to be doing but stopped cause of the move.

So, since tomorrow is a fresh start I think I will no longer regret those yummy pancakes, they were unknowingly my last hurrah before getting down to the serious business of making myself thinner before I go home for Christmas! Only 36 more days…crap! Only 36 more days??? I didn’t realize it was so close! This really is crunch time! lol 😉

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Never Ending Books

7 Nov

I am a reader – I blame this on my parents. I also blame my freakishly good manners, my willingness to try pretty much any new food and activity and my love of tea on them but those are beside the point. lol. 😉

I grew up in a household where it was common to hear the sentence “go and play” or even the almost unheard of today “go outside and play”…yup, that is right, I was not raised by the tv or by video games or by computers, I was raised by my parents and the automatic assumption I had a brain and imagination and could therefore entertain myself for hours on end. It was a good system. 🙂  I have so many fun memories of me playing with other kids, me playing with my toys by myself, just of me playing and really, isn’t that what childhood is supposed to be about?

Not all of my childhood was playing, obviously, I mean I did have to go to school, and do chores and be a brat lol. But something else my parents did for me that I’m not sure is being done for children quite as often anymore is instill in me a love for reading. I got books as presents, my parents would read to me all the time, we went to the library often, heck, in the summers I joined the kids reading club where you were challenged to read certain amounts of books from different genres and you earned stamps in a little booklet to show when you reached certain checkpoints in the challenge. That love of reading has intensified the older I get and I realized when unpacking and setting up my bookshelves that I am a book hog. Yup, that’s right, I own a freakish amount of books considering the amount of space I have to store them.

I am a firm believer in re-reading a book, after all, if a book is good than it is good enough to be re-read and with some books the more you read them the more you get from them. Like Memoirs of a Geisha (which I read before it was made popular via the movie thank you very much 😉 ) I swear, everytime I re-read that book I notice some new detail, I enjoy even more the poetry that is used to create the story, it’s a beautifully written book and so many images are invoked in my brain while I read it. I can see so clearly in my head visions that match what I am reading (there goes that imagination again) that it’s like watching a movie of the book without all the missing parts and added scenes you get in actual movie adaptations.

This wonderous love of reading, the enjoyment I get from a story…this I blame on my parents…and if you follow my logic here that means I can also blame them for the freakish amount of books I now own and the fact that everytime I finish unpacking a box with books in it and finally figure out a way to fit them on my bookshelf and am so happy I am done with that section of my new apartment set-up I manage to find yet another box full of books! You wouldn’t believe the amount of times I’ve opened up a box over the past couple days and sworn in a manner befitting a sailor (or perhaps pirate?) because I’ve found even more books!

I can’t be mad at the books though, at those wonderful pages filled with all those interesting characters that provide me with some mixture of entertainment, education, suspense, horror, joy, wonder and more. So, instead, I will blame the parents…and perhaps my inability to not buy what I am always sure will be a good book! 😉

On the Weight Watcher’s front I have essentially stopped tracking. 😦 Not on purpose, exactly, more out of sheer frustration. My kitchen is still not set up, sigh, my roomie finally moved her stuff in this past Saturday but then left immediately so we did no set up. She came back today but only worked on her room. She says she is coming back tomorrow but we shall see…In case you’re wondering why I don’t just set it up myself it’s cause she assured me she has just as much kitchen stuff as I do so we have to go through both of our kitchen inventories to see what we should use of whose and what should be packed away and put in storage cause there isn’t room in the kitchen. There is no point is me setting up the kitchen with all my stuff just to have to take it all out of the cupboards again, shrug.

As a result, this means my kitchen scale is still packed so I can’t weigh my food (driving me nuuuuuts!), most of my measuring items (spoons, jugs etc) are also packed, I have a couple out cause I found them randomly stuffed in the box with my plates when I unpacked those but not a full set so sometimes I can measure sometimes I can’t…and the counters are so cluttered that I feel as if I can barely move in there.

Oh, and the stove still doesn’t work so I can’t even cook properly lol. I’m existing off of frozen dinners, grilled cheese sandwiches and crackers mostly…oh! and cereal! Yum huh?

One other reason I am not tracking is because I am fairly certain I am undereating everyday, sigh, not on purpose just by happenstance. shrug. When I tally in my head at the end of the day what I ate it’s usually rather pathetic, breakfast is generally two pieces of weetabix with unmeasured milk (the horrors!), my next meal will be a frozen dinner (healthy ones tho, so those steamer things or lean cuisine), and if I get hungry later on a grilled cheese sandwich or some yogurt – so somewhere around 14 points or so per day when I am supposed to be eating 20…plus the physical exertion of moving furniture, setting up furniture, unpacking etc.

I don’t know how this will affect my weight loss, it might falsly bring my weight down because I have less food in my system or it might make it bounce higher cause my body might be freaking out and holding on to it’s fat thinking it’s being starved…I doubt the starved thing cause when I feel hungry I eat so I’m not ignoring my body’s signals to get food, I’m just not eating as healthily as I did before the move…hopefully my body understands and forgives me for this – sooner rather than later! lol 😉

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Moving Is Making Me Fat(er)!

3 Nov

O.M.G. Moving has royally screwed up my eating and exercising, to the point that the other day I had to lay down and have a bit of a nap cause my body felt ill from all the crap I’d been eating and lack of exercise and proper hydration.

I didn’t move far, just another section of the city I was already in but you’d think I’d move to the other side of the world for all the weirdness this move has had. *rolls eyes* Let’s start at the beginning shall we?

I rented a one tonne truck that I was going to drive myself and had some totally awesome friends there to help me load and unload all my crap. However, one of the people who was supposed to help I requested not come (due to some personal issues that would take up waaaaay too much space here, short version is he’s a jackass who is mean to everybody and I wasn’t willing to expose my other friends to him…and no he’s not my friend, he’s the bf of one of my close friends) so I had two other friends who were coming instead of him. (They are so sweet, I told them what the jackass had said to me a previous evening and that I was super upset by it and they immediately said they’d help me move so I wouldn’t need the jackass.) So anyways, I was still having my wonderful insomnia, ugh, and the night before the move couldn’t get to sleep, which was probably for the best cause I still had to finish packing, yup, I’m that girl! lol. My mother would have been horrified at the state of my apartment so close to moving day 😛

I forced myself to lay down for 2 hours and try to get some rest before I had to get up and showered etc before heading out to pick up the truck. Can I say, starting my crazed early morning experiencing abject terror cause of having to drive a huge ass moving truck is not something I want to do again soon. *shudder* I got back to my place and started moving little things while waiting for my friends to show, they were all supposed to be there at 9am but only one was on time lol, the rest trickled in but that’s ok, they were all there by 9:30am. What I didn’t realize is there would be so many people who thought they knew the best way to load a truck…HW has truck loading experience and knows the best way to load everything, IN has helped oh so many people move and knows the best way to load a truck, my landlord came out and he drives trucks for a living so he knows for sure the best way to pack everything in there *rolls eyes* Too many cooks in the kitchen! At one point all us girls just stood there and watched as all three guys were in the truck ordering each other on the best way to stack boxes. Men – too funny. lol. 😛

While the sitch was entertaining it was also stressful cause I had the truck for a very limited time and if I was late then I had to pay an additional $150 and I sooooo don’t have that kind of money! eek! Oh, and I was also running on one cup of tea and that was it, I didn’t have time to eat anything so I was kinda hungry. I managed to grab a granola bar that I saw sitting in the top of a bag as it was being loaded in to the truck around 10am or so…I was up at 6am so my tummy was not all that impressed with what I finally gave it lol.

Anyways, we got the truck to the new place and started unloading, luckily I am on the main floor and at the front of the building so for taking stuff into the new place we set a ladder in front of the balcony and had one person on the balcony and other people passing stuff up to them, made it go a lot faster.

Unfortunately, the painter who was supposed to be done on the Friday was not done so we were moving my stuff in while he was painting, awesome huh? We couldn’t let anything touch any walls so stuff was stacked horribly in the middle of any room we were able to get in to past his painting gear…all my careful labelling of what room each box was supposed to go in wasted, sigh.

We were running behind schedule so my epically awesome friends unloaded everything super fast to the yard in front of the building and said they’d take everything else in and for me to take back the truck so I am not late – how great are they?  😀 I was late getting the truck back but I used the lighting up of a warning light on the dash as my excuse, I pulled the scared innocent female routine and told them the light scared me so I drove slower cause *tilts head*big liquid eyes* “isn’t that what you are supposed to do?” Hey! Don’t judge! I will do what I need to! lol. 😉 fyi…it worked. 😀 Oh! sidenote, I didn’t damage, crash, hit, scratch or do anything else bad to the truck – I got me some mad truck driving skills! lol

After that I went to the old place to clean it but was so so so hungry I just had to get something to eat. I would have gotten Subway except I’d had them for dinner the night before and also there is this fish n chip shop that I love and never go to cause hello? battered and deep fried fish? yeah, so not healthy, sigh. But I figured I was gonna be living so far from it from now on I’d never go back, sadness, so one last time wouldn’t kill me. I got a two piece cod and chip meal, YUM!!! 😀

The plan was to clean the entire place then go back to the new place to dig out my halloween costume and go par-tay…my plans don’t often work out though and this was no exception. 😛 The vacuum stopped working cause the bag was full but all the replacement bags were at the new place, it was taking way longer then expected to get everything cleaned and frankly, I was tired so moving slower then normal. When the vacuum stopped working I used it as an excuse to leave for the day, go to the new place and ran in to the painter who was still painting! He said he was gonna leave at 5pm and finish tomorrow morning but then decided to stay until he was done that evening and I made a joke about how if he’d come back tomorrow he’d of woken me up to which he was shocked cause he was told we were moving stuff in early (we had permission) but that no one was living here till monday…crap. Where else was I supposed to sleep, all my stuff was here! I muttered something about crashing at a friends house and left, so I had no costume cause with him there I couldn’t go searching for it or get ready there, I was falling asleep on my feet and I couldn’t legally stay where my stuff was…double crap. I had to kill time until the painter left so I went to a Tim Horton’s drive through got a tea and a muffin, ate it while sitting in the suv and texting with friends and then drove back and hung out in my suv in my apartment parking lot just waiting…Lame! What’s lamer is I was so tired I fell asleep in my suv, thank goodness a friend texted me and my phone woke me up lol.

So all stealth like I snuck back in to the apartment once the painter was gone, put the couch together, grabbed a throw cushion and crashed. Luckily my couch is freakishly comfy. But I had to get up uber early just in case the landlady or the painter came in so I didn’t get all that much sleep – and it sucks I had to miss the halloween party! Although, I’m thinking with how tired I was I’d of had one drink and been done lol.

I spent all of Sunday cleaning the old place and working on the new one and really, since then everyday is me working on the new place. It’s taking longer then you might think cause I’m the only one here to move furniture and some of it is heavy and I can’t set up common area rooms properly cause my roomie hasn’t moved her stuff in yet – she’s having major issues getting her move organized, eek.

So to recap why I am getting fatter: Since Thursday I have eaten at Subway once, Fish n Chip shop once, Tim Horton’s 3 times (muffins and a sandwich) a restaurant’s burger and fries once (a real restaurant not fast food but still epic bad burger, it has coleslaw on it!), one medium pizza, numerous granola bars, oh and a toaster strudel. And how many times did I exercise since Thursday? Once! And that was yesterdays boxing class cause I was so desperate to work out that nothing could have kept me away! It’s amazing though how much better I felt physically and emotionally after boxing class. 🙂 I know one class isn’t going to make up for all the food damage I had inflicted while moving but still, I felt energized, thinner, healthier, just all around better! I must be deranged or something… 😉

You may be wondering why the heck I ate out so so so much instead of cooking? Well, for the first couple days I was techinically squatting in the apartment so I couldn’t have it looking like I was staying there, that and my mattress was in the kitchen and blocking the fridge and stove lol. Then I got the mattress out but all my kitchen stuff was packed so I had nothing to cook with. Then I finally unearthed some stuff and opened the stove and was so horrified I closed it right back up. Apparently the people before me didn’t believe in cleaning, soooooo gross! But the one cleaning product I don’t own is oven cleaner so I had to wait to buy some of that. Ridonkulous!

But finally, I have oven cleaner, decent access to the kitchen and some pots and pans and plates and bowls unpacked so tomorrow I will hopefully be able to cook in my kitchen…don’t hold out hope though, I’ve got no skills at cleaning ovens so I may be microwaving my food…which is ok cause I bought some microwave dinners today just in case! lol 🙂

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Abnormal Sleeping

25 Oct

Once upon a time, when I was a wee little babe who still slept in a crib my mom would put me down for a nap or for the night and apparently I’d conk right out. Soon as I was laying down I was unconscious. Wasn’t I such a nice baby? 😉 lol

For as long as I can remember I have been a night owl – a condition I feel is not given enough respect in our society lol. I know when you’re a kid it’s your parents’ responsibility to give you a bedtime and make you obey it, and really, how is a parent supposed to tell the difference between a kid who just wants to be a brat and not go to bed and a kid who is destined to be a night owl?

So, as a child I often pushed the boundaries of my bedtime, trying anything I could think of to stay up late and when I couldn’t draw out the actual going to bed process any longer I’d lay in bed bored out of my skull wide awake with nothing to do. I’m sure 9 times out of 10 I fell asleep because of sheer boredom lol.

Well now here I am, an adult, and I seem to have completely lost the ability to get to sleep at anything approaching a “normal” hour. Although what is “normal” is sooooo up for debate 😛 But even I think it is getting out of control, and if I think that then you know that means I am having sleeping issues. Which, is so sad cause sleeping is one of my absolute fave activities evah!

Yeah, you heard that right, I looooove sleeping! I love my bed, my pillows, my blankets, I love curling up in bed with a book, I love slowly waking up and being more aware of how comfy I am as I turn over and burrow farther under my blankets and pillows lol, I especially love my dreams…which may sound weird but let me explain! My dreams are like stories, seriously, they have a storyline, a plot, they play out in my head like a tv show or movie except instead of watching what someone else created I am watching what my brain comes up with. 🙂 So much better!

For the past couple weeks or so though I can’t get to sleep. I usually go to sleep anywhere between midnight and 3am, depending on what I did that day, how early I was up, when I have to be up the next day, all kinds of stuff. But lately? Just not happening. I have still been going to bed somewhere in that time frame, usually closer to the 3am then the midnight lol, but all I do is lay in bed, bored, tossing and turning. I lay awake for so many hours I actually start to feel hungry! It’s way harder to get to sleep when you’re hungry…I decided to stay up packing one of those evenings, thought maybe if I wore myself out I’d actually get to sleep when I went to bed so I didn’t go to bed till 4am and all that accomplished was me not managing to fall asleep until about 7am or so, sigh. And last night! omg, sigh, went to bed at 3am, tossed, turned, did that thing where you know you must be dozing off every now and then but for the most part you’re well aware of the passage of time, was still tossing at 6am, eventually go to a pathetic version of sleep, woke up full an proper at 9am, then and only then did I manage to drop into a deep sleep which lasted all the way till 10:45am when my alarm went off. *groan*

I miss my long, deep, dream filled sleeps. 😦

And of course, because I’m not getting to sleep until stupidly late I (if my alarm isn’t set) sleep in until stupidly late in the day thereby screwing up my days schedule. erg. Suckfest.

I keep toying with the idea of taking a sleeping pill, popping it at like 10pm so I’d be asleep by what 11pm or so? (I’m not sure how quickly those things kick in) but I’m reluctant to regulate my sleeping with medication, there must be a better way!…what it is though I am in the dark about lol

Oh, and can I say, what pisses me off even more then missing out on my dreams is the knowledge that without regular proper sleep your body stops losing weight and will sometimes even gain weight – gain! Double suckfest.

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My Brain Is Stumped

21 Oct

I can’t seem to write a post today to save my life. sigh. It’s not writer’s block exactly, I have written two well thought out drafts…and then I deleted them because they are not what I want to post on this blog. One was too well, weird, the other was somehow becoming political…all cause I wanted to share a picture but the picture needs an explanation and the explanation was getting out of hand. I am the least politically minded person out there and well, hello? this is a weight loss blog – not a politics blog! Too bad about the picture tho…shrug.

I haven’t posted in a couple days, mostly cause nothing all that interesting was going on. lol. I had intended to post yesterday but got in this strange mood and actually wanted to pack so I figured I better not waste it lol. It’s not that I don’t like packing, I mean, really, what’s not to like? Put on some music, have a drink near by and put your stuff in boxes – easy peasy. 🙂 But I keep putting it off, mostly cause I am lazy…and scared of spiders. *shudder*. I don’t want to pack at night cause I’m scared when I’m moving furniture or getting stuff from under my bed or up high in my closet I’ll disturb spiders and I’ll see them but not easily enough to be able to kill them before they hide somewhere I can’t follow…like under a baseboard. ick. Then I’ll be freaking out about the spider, and how it is watching me and waiting for me to sleep so it can exact some sort of revenge, and I’ll be too icked out to do much else.

During the day I am out and about doing random prepping-for-the-move errands (like getting boxes, booking a truck etc) and when I get home from all of that I have just enough time to get a bite to eat before going to boxing. Which, fyi, tuesday was my last Dragon Boating session, then I boxed wed, thurs and fri and every-freakin-muscle in my body aches, and I mean aches! *groan*

This whole week I have felt off, I can’t figure what it is, but the boxing classes seemed harder then normal, my rowing was off a bit, it just seems like I am getting muscle fatigue quicker and it’s lasting longer then what I normally experience. I am hoping this is my body realizing I’m gonna keep making it work out even if it does insist on plateuing and so it’s caved and is building muscle mass and getting rid of fat – fingers crossed!

But yeah, so really, the only time I have to pack is in the evenings after boxing, so starting around 9pm or so but that’s when things get creepy cause of spiders…so I’ve been letting the whole packing thing kinda stay on the back burner…*whistles innocently*

I realized (thanks to my mom) that perhaps I have let things slide just a tad too much and should start packing. ugh.

I am quite possibly the least organized packer out there lol. I started in my room, got to a point and stopped there. Oh, and the ‘point’ I got to and then stopped at? Doesn’t really make any sense. Some of my books were packed but not even half, the contents of my desk drawers were packed up but not the stuff on my desk, most of the non-clothing items in my closet were packed but not quite all of them…you get the idea I’m sure. 😛 Then I moved to the living room…*rolls eyes*…most of my movies are packed, but not all, I did manage to pack an entire two shelves of a three shelf bookcase, and some random decorative items are now packed…ok, fine, most of them are packed. lol.

The only thing I am organized with is the labelling of boxes. Every box gets a number, I have a notebook where I write down the box number and the contents of that box so I know where every item is. Oh, and each box is labelled what room it needs to go in to at the new place, if it has fragile items in it and if it is heavy…I’d say that’s a decent level of organization, kinda… 😉

I’m happy to be able to say that the food-buying rules I came up with a couple weeks ago are still holding firm. 🙂 I am only buying (when needed obviously lol) eggs, milk, bread, yogurt, fresh fruit. I am not buying frozen food items, canned or boxed foods. This is not some weird addition to my healthy eating plan, lol, this is so I have less food to move. I don’t know about you but I somehow end up with a stockpile of boxed/canned foods. Most of it comes from when something is on ridiculously good sale, like the Thinsations, every now and then they go on a great sale so I stock up cause I know I am gonna eat them. But I always eat certain flavours faster then others so when I finish eating say, the Oreo Cakesters, instead of saying I can’t buy anymore until I have also finished the other types off I will buy more Cakesters. Gradually, I end up with more food in my cupboards then is practical for me space wise and diet wise. Sometimes it’s useful to have this stockpile, like when money is so short that I can’t afford to buy anything, then I know I have some food in the cupboards that I can eat, but really, a package of Thinsations chocolate covered pretzels does not a meal make – no matter how tasty they are. Yum! lol. 😛

Everytime I finish something and can get rid of the box or can or bag I get a little happy glow. 🙂 Yeah, so what if that is lame. 😛 lol. I did cave, kinda, and bought some frozen chicken breasts. I had a RainCheck for them cause when they were on sale the store was out of stock and I realized last night when cooking dinner once the chicken breast I was cooking was eaten the only things in my kitchen that would have protein were my last two hot dog weiners, eggs and peanut butter. Rather pathetic considering how often I exercise. lol. Sooooo, I decided buying the chicken, while yes, it was bringing food into the apartment, isn’t such a bad decision cause I’ll have eaten most of it by the time I move, and, well, it’s kind of a necessity, right? 😉

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I Cheer Blue

18 Oct

For the past two weeks I have missed the majority of The Biggest Loser episodes because my Dragon Boating was moved to Tuesdays. I tuned in this week just in time to see Bob ride a bull, Bonnie fell during the challenge, the red team finally won a challenge, Bonnie is pissed with Anna (her trainer), the blue team managed to not lose the weigh in, oh, and for some reason one of the guys on the black team didn’t have his weight loss count towards the team’s total…I’m not really sure why…

Even though I didn’t get to see the entire episode I still saw lots that kept me entertained. 🙂

This is the second season I have watched where instead of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream or cookies while watching I use the contestants as inspiration while I work on my (admittedly slower) weight loss journey. I don’t really “connect” with the contestants, it’s not like there’s been a contestant that I say “I so feel that person, we have so much in common” but that’s ok cause watching all of them while they push through their bad days helps me think I can push past my bad days.

I don’t like how they divided the teams this season, based on age…it seems like the older team, the Blue Team, is getting picked off one by one. I have this tendency to cheer for the underdog, in movies they usually win lol, but in real life rooting for the underdog doesn’t always guarantee you’ll be cheering for the winning team. 😛

I am not so delusional that I think either of the women left on the Blue Team will actually win the contest – I’m betting on the big guy on the Black Team whose the ex-football player. I mean, c’mon, dude is huge! Of course he’s gonna lose the most, he has the most to lose. Even though I know neither of the women on the Blue Team will win I am still cheering for them. Two of the oldest people on the ranch, with a new trainer, and more physical limitations then the other younger players…doomed I tell ya, doooooooomed! I keep wondering if the other teams will take pity on the Blue Team and do something to help them but I doubt it, they all want that big prize at the end and I don’t think any of them would dare risk their chance at winning it. lol. Human nature. 🙂

Today I ate:

1 Yoplait Light yogurt red velvet cake = 2 points

1 Weetabix = 1 point

1/2 C 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

leftover Coconut Shrimp Bites = approx 3 points

2 pcs toast = 3 points

1 fried egg = 2 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

20 grams Vegetable Thins crackers = 2 points

1 pck Thinsations Peak Freans = 2 points

1 Thinsations Fudge Dipped Bar = 2 points

Total points eaten = 20

Exercise points earned = 3

I had to guesstimate on how many points the leftover shrimp from Red Lobster were, there were only like 5 in the container so I don’t think it was a crazy high amount of points eaten but just in case I guesstimated low I’m not eating anymore points today (even though I earned 3 exercise points). This kinda sucks cause I am still a tad hungry but oh well, shrug, I’m just gonna drink more water and/or tea and hope I’m actually just dehydrated and not for real hungry.

I’ve been enjoying my Yoplait Light yogurt that I got from the states on Sunday, so far I’ve had the Blueberry Pie and the Red Velvet Cake flavours. 😀 I blindly choose the yogurt flavour from the fridge so I was happily surprised when I got the red velvet cake flavour today – I’ve been psyched to try that one lol. There was a funny aftertaste with the blueberry pie flavour and the red velvet while yummy didn’t actually taste anything like red velvet cake lol. I have eight other flavours to eat so I’m reserving judgement on them all until I’ve gotten to taste all ten I bought. Then I will write a proper review on the Yoplait Light yogurts. 🙂 cause ya know, I’m sure you all care what I think about the yogurt line lol.

Go Blue Team Go!…might as well get my cheer on while the Blue Team still exists lol

Oh! and word of warning, if you get the Coconut Shrimp Bites from Red Lobster and microwave them to warm them up they explode in the microwave, a lot! lol. Luckily the container I warmed them up in had a cover so the batter that was being removed via the heat waves splattered onto the insides of the container and not all over the inside of my microwave. lol. I think I saved some calories by losing all that batter from the shrimp… 😀 lol

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Weight Ranges and I

17 Oct

Most everyone who has a weight loss blog has a desired weight they want to get to. I think most people in general have a desired weight or weight range they want to be at. Some look at the weight range as a far off dream they can never achieve, others use it to motivate themselves to make healthy choices throughout the day.

That number, or range, taunts us at times, it seems to hover in the distance never getting any closer. Mean huh?

I have never been good at gauging a person’s weight, that whole “guess my weight” game? I suck at it! Combine that with not really knowing what an appropriate weight is supposed to be and well, I start to get lost when it comes to weight ranges. I remember as a kid in grade 5, we had an assignment where we had to create a person, draw them, write a bio for them, the whole bit – just as if they were real and you were researching them. I don’t remember why we had to do this but the why isn’t really part of my point right now. lol. I created a lady, I don’t remember what age I made her, probably in the 20’s cause I thought that was the perfect age to be at. 😛 I remember I made her tall-ish and thin. Now, I totally randomly chose height and weight numbers because I didn’t really grasp how tall or fat any of the numbers I could choose from would make a person, shrug. What I do remember is my sister, when she saw the weight I made my person exclaiming over how thin I made her – apparently she was so thin she’d have been severely underweight, oops!

I tweaked her numbers until my sister said they were more realistic and left it at that. But lately, I thought of the woman I created and realized I wouldn’t do any better at giving her a good height/weight ratio today then I did back in grade 5.

So many things affect how we view the world, view others, view ourselves. It would be great if the entire world was just chock full of healthy people, if we were all somehow healthy – but who can even say what healthy is? There are so many different ways to judge a person’s health, and so many different definitions of what is healthy. Some people argue being overweight is a lifestyle choice and you are just as healthy being obese as you are being thin – I am not making this up! I watched a documentary about it. Others say you can measure a healthy body using BMI, weight, measurements etc. Some say just eye ball it, if you look good then you’re fine. Or go by how you feel – if you feel healthy then you are. So how do you know if you are healthy when there are so many ways to “measure” health, and many of those way contradict each other.

Years ago, when I still lived in AB and had a family doctor, she gave me a very stern lecture about how I was fat and needed to lose weight. She made it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world to do and she even seemed honestly confused that I wasn’t sure how to get rid of the fat I had accumulated. Please keep in mind this lady is one of those so-skinny-she’s-a-twig people and even when she was pregnant was super tiny and lost all the weight super fast. She said she “experimented” with many different types of diets so she could speak knowledgably about them to her patients – I applaud this, and yet, was annoyed by this. How could this woman, this incredibly thin woman, tell me after she’s tried the South Beach Diet, and Atkins and a whole bunch of other eating plans which one was best when she doesn’t have an ounce of body fat on her and never has? She doesn’t really know what it is going to take for me to lose the weight, she just has theories.

One thing she did give me though, was information. She let me know, for my height and gender what weight range I should be at. In case you are wondering, I am 5’8″ and female, so I was supposed to be between 130-135lbs. All these years later I am using those numbers as my goal, thinking nothing has changed and that information is still accurate. Well, I double checked that today and found times have a-changed and that weight range isn’t exactly what I should be aiming for. According to Weight Watcher’s, for my height I should be looking at a range of 132-164lbs. The way larger range they say I am ok to be using made me wonder what other numbers I might find out there. So I went googling…

On www.divine.ca the range I got was 125-144lbs. On www.healthcentral.com my range is 144-158.4lbs. I could keep going on with different websites but suffice to say, they all give a broader range then my doctor ever did and all the ranges are different. Most of them overlap with part of their numbers but still…none of them match. How is it so hard to find out what your ideal weight range should be?

What makes it even harder is I am in the entertainment business, which means a “normal” weight is considered a “larger” weight in my world. I have met actresses who in real life are in such good shape, they are toned, they are fit, they are thin, they are what many aspire to be. And yet, they have network officials telling them daily to lose weight because they look too fat on their tv show. It’s sad, not surprising, but sad. The camera really does add weight to your frame, and so these women, who look amazing in real life look a tad larger on screen then what we as viewers are used to and what the network officials are happy with.

I was checking out a website of an actress I don’t know because I was thinking of getting a website from the same company and they said to view hers to get an idea of what mine would look like – format, layout etc. I was checking out the various pages on her site and saw her stats, she is an inch taller then me and lower in weight then the range I had been aiming for. So, she’s 5’9″ and was 122lbs. This made me want to hit my head against a wall.

Here I am at 5’8″ struggling to get to 130-135lbs and she’s even lighter then me while being taller then me. Which means, even if I was at 130lbs, if I stood next to her, I’d look large. Crap.

Losing weight is hard enough without the added pressure of your work industry hovering over you like a rainy cloud. I try to ignore the knowledge that for an actress I am quite fat, and therefore way limited in the roles I can audition for. Sure, I have lost weight, and opened up more possibilities for me career wise, and yes I have my agent now which will help, but really, to have the best chance possible I have to get down in weight, and clothing size, and measurements, in everything…and not just to the weight range I’ve had in my head this entire time but to at least 5-10lbs below it…which means my journey just got ten pounds longer, sigh.

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Goodbye U.S. (part 2)

17 Oct

So sure, it’s only been minutes since I finished the last post but since it’s now past midnight it is technically the “tomorrow” I spoke about in the last sentence of the previous post so I am writing…it is my blog ya know, I’m pretty sure that means I get to make up the rules lol 😉

Let’s see, I left off with the three of us gorging ourselves at Red Lobster, yum. 😀

I took a cooler with me with a freezer pack inside to store the yogurt I was planning to buy so I put our leftovers in there and off we went to the outlet mall. I’ve been to that mall before, with KL actually, but KS hadn’t been so we wandered most of it. Banana Republic was a real wallet killer for the other two, both found multiple clothing items they wanted. I tried some stuff on for fun but none of it fit….I found this cute dress, empire waist and flowy which is usually a win for me cause that style hides a lot of my trouble areas. Well, the bodice part is fitted and made of a non-stretchy material, I couldn’t get the dress up over my hips and when I tried to put it on over my head I couldn’t get it to go past my breasts…barriers at both ends of my body! lol. 😛 Ah well, I couldn’t have afforded it anyways, and where would I wear a dress? It’s winter! *rolls eyes*

I was mostly looking for presents for people for Christmas, I found none, sigh. I was sorta hoping to find a new pair of runners for working out as mine are not very good anymore but the prices weren’t cheap enough to be worth the expense so I left them all behind…so sad, leaving shoes behind, I think there’s a Girl Rule about that and I think I broke it…oops. 😛

We didn’t stay at the mall all that long, KS spent as much as she was willing to spend in the first store so she was ready to leave right after that and KL kept looking then talking herself out of buying stuff lol. Sorry to say we didn’t help the American economy all that much…although, we did give the waitress at Red Lobster a kick ass awesome tip so at least she benefited from us being there lol.

After the mall we went to Wal-Mart for my yogurt splurge! 😀 I was so excited and so nervous – and yes, I am aware of how pathetic that is. I was all excited to finally get this yogurt I’ve been wanting to try for so long but so nervous they might not have it *cringe*

Turns out I had nothing to fear, the Yoplait yogurt section was huuuuuuge! And oh so much of it was the Yoplait Light, wOOt! 😀

Thanks to a link left as a comment on one of my posts I was able to scope out the flavours last night so I already knew what I was looking for. I found even more flavours then was on the site but it turned out that I had veered into the non-light section by accident so I was looking at flavours I wasn’t going to be buying (like Pina Colada). Luckily I realized before getting to the till so the 2 non-light ones I grabbed by accident were replaced by light yogurts.

My Tower of Yoplait Light Yogurt!

I bought ten in total, each a different flavour, and none of them flavours I could get here in a different brand of yogurt (so no mixed berries etc).

The flavours I got are: Cherry Cobbler, Boston Cream Pie, Key Lime Pie, Apple Turnover, Blueberry Pie, Red Velvet Cake, Strawberry Short Cake, Lemon Meringue, Cinnamon Roll and Lemon Cream Pie. phew, just re-reading that is fun, imagine the fun of eating them! *excited giggles*

Walking through the food section of that Wal-Mart was crazy! We didn’t even go up and down the aisles so it was just what we were seeing as we aimed towards the yogurt but wow, lots of stuff we don’t have. I am jealous you have Special K potato chips, and for cheap! I couldn’t justify buying them but don’t think I didn’t stick a box in my cart and push it around for a while in the hopes I could convince myself lol. There was junk food everywhere! The end of each aisle we passed was strictly unhealthy food…I guess all the healthy stuff is in the aisles and they put the unhealthy at the end…which could be smart cause that means you could shop the aisles and kinda pretend the ends don’t exist so you don’t buy any junk. That’s probably not how it works though huh?

Of course it doesn’t help that it’s leading up to halloween so there was lots of extra candy etc all around…we saw this huge container of cheese balls…for halloween, kinda strange. Oh, and these cookies with marshmallows attached somehow and shaped to look like spooky cats, also kinda strange. There was lots of candy and junk food I wish I’d written down the names of cause I wanted to know what it was but didn’t want to pick it up in case I didn’t have the willpower to put it back lol. One thing I couldn’t resist was this big box of Junior Mints for only $1! Only a dollar?!?! Sweeeeet! Oh, fyi, those are like my all time fave chocolate candy type thing and they are kinda expensive here so I don’t buy them all too often and when I do buy them I get the super small box. So this, a big box for only a buck, there was no thought process, there was just my hand reaching out for a box lol. Bad I know…I’ll probably regret it tomorrow…but not tonight! 😛

So yeah, Wal-Mart was like a wonderland for bad-for-me-foods but I was firm and stuck to the yogurts and er, that one box of Junior Mints *whistles an innocent tune*

After that we got some gas (oh my god so much cheaper there, even when you take in to account gallons vs litres! It was a little over $20 for half a tank in my suv, here that’d cost me about $35!) and we headed back to our side of the border.

The Canadian border guard was a lady and asked how long we were in the states, I said approx 12 hours, she asked why we went, I said to eat at Red Lobster. She gave us all this up and down look and said “you were at Red Lobster for 12 hours??” So of course I said no, after eating we hit up the outlet mall blah blah blah. We always get way more questions going back home then leaving…firearms, tobacco, drugs, duty free shopping, how much did we spend, anybody give us gifts, and on and on…I mean seriously, if I was bringing drugs or firearms back do they really think I’d say yes when they ask? *rolls eyes*

I am happy to report my yogurt stayed nice and cold (I put it in the cooler bag) so I am not concerned it will not be safe to eat and I can’t wait till I have an appetite again cause the first thing I’m gonna eat is one of those. I am going to eat them by randomly plucking one from the group instead of carefully choosing, so it’ll be a little surprise each time. 🙂 Hey, let me get my jollies where I can alright? 😛 lol

No more food binges for me though, that was plenty of damage! I know there is no saving this week but I will be careful for the rest of it anyways and hopefully my body can recover from the damage I inflicted in a couple weeks or so…I wish it luck! lol.

Oh! Sidenote, I got hit on in the yogurt section of Wal-Mart…guy offered to buy me the “real thing” when I was holding the Pina Colada yogurt…I said thanks but no…random!

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Hello U.S. (part 1)

16 Oct

I may never finish digesting all the food that got put in my stomach today…seriously, soooooo much food! All of it delicious but ugh, my digestive track is going to make me pay for this tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after…and probably even tonight eek! lol.

Today was my quest to Red Lobster, oooooooh yeah baby! *butt wiggling dance* 😀 It is ShrimpFest at Red Lobster and who can resist all you can eat shrimp? Not I or my friends lol. 😀

KL and KS got here at 9:22am, luckily I was ready early. 🙂 I may have been a tad eager for the day to begin *blinks innocently* I drove us and we made good time, the wait at the border was about 20mins which is much better then the sign warning a 40min wait, lol. The US border guard was a guy and when he asked why we were going to the States I was honest, I told him we were going to Red Lobster. 😛 You should have seen his face, the funny look he gave me, maybe he hasn’t heard that reason before? *head tilt* He let us cross without any real hassle (yah for the three of us looking fairly harmless!) and on we went. 😀 We actually passed the outlet mall on the way to the restaurant but we wanted to eat first and then go shopping, the shrimp was more important then the potential clothes etc we might find.

There were barely any people in the restaurant when we got there, they’d only been open an hour or so but that was perfect cause we got a great booth really quickly. Now, here’s the thing, when it’s an all-you-can-eat deal you can’t take food home with you, buuuuut, like I was gonna let that stop me? I was determined to sneak out some of those cheddar biscuits!…sooooo, I had tupperware in my purse *blush* Hey! Don’t judge me! A girl does what she must! 😉

KS and I both did the ShrimpFest but KL had never been to a Red Lobster before (poor deprived soul) so she got the Create-A-Feast, she got snow crab legs, large butterfly coconut shrimp and um…I don’t remember her third item. She also “generously” offered to sacrifice her waist size by helping KS and I eat our shrimp – isn’t she so selfless? It’s amazing the lengths friends will go to for each other. teehee

Brace yourself! Here are the shrimp dishes I got: (seriously, you may want to sit for this…okaaaaay, I warned you!)

Coconut Shrimp Bites

Garlic Shrimp

Those came with a baked potato, oh, and I’d already been served a garden salad and eaten two of the cheddar biscuits…and eaten 1 lobster-crab-and-seafood stuffed mushrooms (we split the appie but I didn’t care for it so I let the other two eat the rest)

Then I got:

Sweet and Spicy Grilled Shrimp (ten to a skewer – I highly recommend, they were awesome!)

Parmesan Shrimp

Shrimp Linguini Alfredo

Coconut Shrimp Bites (yes, I got a second order)

At that point I thought I was gonna burst and was ever so grateful I wore my loose fitting jeans – more room for my tummy to expand lol.

The Shrimp Linguini Alfredo wasn’t as good as it normally is, when I get it in AB it has more seasoning, I found this serving a bit bland, this blandness saved me some calories cause I decided since I didn’t loooove it I wasn’t gonna eat it (ya know, considering how many calories I ate with all the other food I feel that savings is rather pathetic in the grand scheme of things lol).

The Coconut Shrimp Bites were amazing! I loved them! Never had them before but I will so want them again someday…the dipping sauce has coconut in it and the batter on the shrimp has a bit of spicy to it, Mmm! and yeah, you read that right, batter, as in bad for me batter…no healthy shrimp for me today!

The Parmesan Shrimp was yum but basically the Garlic Shrimp with a breaded parmesan layer over top so I say just get one per meal and stick with the Garlic ones cause they are so so so delish and by avoiding the breaded parmesan layer you just gotta be saving some calories, fat, carbs, etc…right? *nods convincingly* Yah! I convinced myself! lol

One of the newbie shrimp dishes is the Sweet and Spicy Grilled Shrimp – holy crapolla! Whoever came up with that dish deserves praise! The perfect blend of sweet and spicy, nice big shrimp, ten on a skewer, they slid off the skewer oh so gently. Couldn’t ask for anything better. I wanted a second order of those too but knew I wouldn’t be able to eat them there and figured they wouldn’t warm up very well at home – and really, if I couldn’t at least eat a couple at the restaurant and if they weren’t going to warm up well I figured it’d be a waste of food to order them…I didn’t want to be responsible for the death of more shrimp then absolutely needed. lol. I was already causing a severe dip in the shrimp stocks of this Red Lobster location 😛

I had a strategy going in to this meal and I was even kind enough to share it with KS, I wanted to make sure we didn’t get too full too early on and not be able to eat lots. The first part of the plan was don’t order the linguini first! The pasta is way filling and will take up too much room! The rest of the plan was fairly simple, only order water or a diet pop (no filling drinks), eat barely any or none of the salad that comes with the order, don’t eat the side that comes with the order (I ordered a baked potato which I love but barely touched it), don’t eat the rice or other filler foods that come with the various shrimp dishes, oh, and most importantly, for pitys sake, never stop eating! If you stop eating that gives your stomach and brain time to get all chatty with each other and your brain will realize that you are way full and tell your stomach to STOP! If that happens you’re screwed…so, keep eating, a slow and steady pace, that way you can fit way more in. Gee, is it a wonder I got so fat? 😉

The plan worked out great! Obviously. You did read the food list above right? What normal person can eat that much food?? *rolls eyes* Well, ok, the other two at the table ate about the same amount so I’m not the only one lol.

I did manage to sneak 4 of the cheddar biscuits out of there, and KS and I each brought home leftovers. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave the leftover coconut shrimp bites there (they are just that good!) so I brought them home, along with the dipping sauce, and will see how they warm up…ya know, in four days when I finally get an appetite back. 😉

*I have more to tell about the trip but this post is already long enough so I’ll write a Part 2 entry tomorrow!* 😀

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