Tag Archives: fat

Fitocracy

1 Feb

I joined a website called Fitocracy…the site is http://www.fitocracy.com. It is supposed to make losing weight fun, like a game, you earn points, level up, compete against your friends…basically it is trying to help you trick yourself into thinking you want to eat less, eat healthy and exercise more. I figure with all this wonderous plateauing I have been doing for frickin ever and the fact that I can’t seem to get off my fat arse to get with the program (the new Weight Watchers Points Plus Program that is) maybe I can trick myself into getting back in the game…

And hey, if the tricking doesn’t work then maybe I will start exercising on a more regular basis and eating better just out of embarrassement since you can follow your friends and they can follow you and everyone can see how you are doing…or not doing in my case. lol.

A friend of mine from AB had it on his facebook wall with a link to join, I thought hey, why not, I need to try something new. Since I joined I have been sick (last week, nasty cold, couldn’t breathe or talk, sadness) and this week I have been working longer hours then normal for me (while still getting over my cold) and now, this is so embarrassing, I scraped my chin (yes, the way a child with no coordination would *rolls eyes*) and it got infected, ugh, so now my chin looks horrible! As in disgusting! As in people are staring at me and everyone I speak with eventually says (with a tone of horror) “what happened to your chin” and then they look like maybe they should back away in case it’s something contagious, like leprosy. sigh. So no way am I going to the gym when I look like this, just not happenin!

However, by not going last week due to sickness or this week due to working and (stupid) injury it makes my effort in the land of Fitocracy look like a joke.  😦 There my friends are getting to new levels, building their points up and there is my profile, with nothing happening…it’s almost embarrassing…tho not as embarrassing as the looks people are giving my chin…do you know how hard it is to get gauze to stay on a chin??? Really freakin hard!

So despite my having all the tools needed for the Weight Watchers Points Plus Program I haven’t been tracking. 😦 I was going to, took the books and tracker and calculator with me to work on monday but was so busy I never took the stuff out of my bag and by the time I got home I’d completely forgotten about it. I took everything with me again on Tuesday and same thing happened. Oh and yeah, you guessed it, same thing today. Course, today had the added bonus of my chin scrape being so dry that opening my mouth to talk, smile, eat, breathe, anything really causes the skin to pull and huuuuurt and sometimes even crack and bleed, ick right? So I am restricted to eating things that (1) don’t require me to open my mouth wide to be able to eat them and (2) are not hot or cold so if I spill on my chin I don’t yelp in pain…there aren’t as many options as you may think there are. lol

However, despite my suckyness at tracking I am still taking the books, tracker and calculator with me everywhere I go, maybe eventually I’ll put them to work, or maybe the added weight of them in my bag will help me shed some calories? 😉 lol

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Where’d The Time Go?

11 Dec

No, I am not dead, missing, working full time, quitting my blog, abducted by aliens or anything else you might have come up with in the time I have been gone from my blog lol. 😀

I am just a lazy schmuk who couldn’t think of a thing to write about so I didn’t write. shrug. Nobody wants to read a post about how I slept in, went to the gym, didn’t track my food or exercise points so have no idea how I did for the day and then hung out with friends in the evening, heck, it’s my life and I’m not particularly interested in it some days lol 😛

Everyday that nothing of interest happens and I don’t post I think “tomorrow, I will for sure post tomorrow” and then tomorrow rolls around and I don’t post and I think “tomorrow” again and then all of a sudden it’s been 2 weeks and I’ve written nothing and I’m almost afraid to log back in to wordpress cause what if the people who follow me quit following me and now my blog is (metaphorically speaking) taking up space in the closet of rejected blogs that I imagine is on the wordpress server somewhere gathering dust? Depressing.

Looks like my talent for a loooong run on sentence has not been hampered by my non-writing for the past two weeks though…gee, aren’t we all glad about that? 😉 lol

I’d love to be able to tell you that something amazing, momentous, fabulous, exciting, heck, even mildly funny happened in the past little while but it has not…life has entered, not a rut buuuut a little cycle of monotony and dare I say…boredom? Which even saying that isn’t right cause I’m not really bored, just not doing anything super post worthy. I guess this is what happens when you are unemployed, can’t afford to do anything and trying to stay in as much as possible to (1) keep the cat company and (2) save money. sigh.

I haven’t been tracking, I’ve been a renegade Weight Watcher mwahaha (that’s my evil laugh, aren’t I so bad? 😉 ). I haven’t weighed in for over a month either. Oh, and while I’m being all confessional my work out routine is sooo not dependable, some weeks I go 3 times or more, other weeks I’m lucky if I go once.

Why have I stopped following all the guidelines and rules and plans? Especially when I know they work? I’m not totally sure…I mean, I kinda know but I’m sure there is more going on then I am aware of. I find it takes the passage of time and the ability to look back on a period of my life that gives me the best insight in to figuring out what the heck was going on with me at that point. Too bad I can’t fast-forward, find out, then rewind back to here and have the knowledge lol. Time travel anyone?

I’m not eating properly, I know this, and yet I don’t track so that I can hold myself accountable and stop what I am doing with my diet. You might be thinking I’m over eating so much I’m embarassed and am fast approaching the Good Year Blimp size but you’d be wrong, I’m actually under eating…not good! In my head I know it’s not good, but, also in my head I think it’s ok. My head is screwy. lol. I shouldn’t joke, for some people this is a serious problem, I’m hoping for me it’s a temporary thing…

I don’t under eat everyday, for instance, today I over ate, great huh? If I am meeting up with friends for a meal I am eating around my daily points that day because I am ordering healthy when I go out and compensating for the restaurant food by being super duper strict the rest of the day. The exception to that would be this evening when I went to a Thai restaurant for a friends birthday dinner. I wanted to get the black cod, it sounded super healthy and yummy but was over $20 for the dish, I so can’t afford that, instead I ended up with the Pad Thai for $12, I love Pad Thai so this was not a sad swap taste-bud wise but no way in hell is that dish healthy *rolls eyes* so today I definitely over ate. erg.

But see, I under ate quite a bit for the past, oh, three or four days (and I exercised) so in my head I feel that things should somehow balance out…and yes, I know that is not how it works!

On days I under eat I don’t feel like I am being deprived so I don’t really notice that I’m not eating properly or enough food unless someone points it out…although lately, when going to bed I feel hungry so I suppose the lack of food is starting to make my stomach mad lol. I also get some perverse feeling of strength when I am hungry at night, like “look at me and my rockin willpower that I didn’t cave and eat more food” and when I am eating I am eating smaller portions and that weird perverse feeling of strength kicks in then too, like “look how awesome I am I’m not eating more then this small portion, I’m so strong when it comes to food”.  And don’t even get me started on what goes on in my head when I am exercising! *rolls eyes*

I know part of why I am not eating as much is because I so desperately wanted to be at my goal weight when I went home for Christmas, but it’s not happening. 😦 I was back in AB last summer and people were all “you look so great!” an such, which was awesome to hear but when I look in the mirror I don’t see how much I have lost, I see how much I have left to lose. I see the flaws, the flab, the non toned body, the areas I am still ashamed of, I see all of the fat. I thought by now I’d be there, I thought I’d be maintaining and not still trying to lose, I thought I’d be able to go home and show off how I look and say “hey! look! I actually did it! I got to my goal weight!” instead I will be going back looking the same as when I was there in the summer. Same clothing size, heck same clothes, same points per day allowed for food, same comment about how I’m still working to get to my goal weight and am hoping to be there soon (all said in a falsly cheerful tone to every single person I hang with cause they all ask), same me.  Aren’t I supposed to be the super improved skinny version of me by now?

I know that not eating messes up my metabolism, I know it makes it harder to lose weight. I know that compensating for this by pushing myself extra hard in the gym is not the right approach. I also know that this is what I have been doing the past couple weeks. I started the under eating cause I was sick, once I got better I kept it up and added exercise to push my body into losing faster. It’s not working. I know it’s not working cause my clothes still all fit the same and I look the same and I know that I shouldn’t of expected some great change to happen in a measly two weeks but I’m so sick of looking like this, sick of this plateau, sick of people asking me how much farther till I reach my goal and my having the same answer as last time they asked. Sick of thinking just this many more fucken pounds and I will be happy. As if reaching a certain number on the scale guarantees personal happiness? I also know that is not right.

It would appear what I know and what I deep down believe are two very different things and I don’t know how to get them to reconcile in my head. As long as I was losing weight I was able to follow the Weight Watcher plan because it was working and I could see a difference so that change of number on the scale helped me to not revert back to bad weight loss habits. Even before the move, when I was still following Weight Watcher’s properly I had been plateaued for such a long time I was massively discouraged. That plateau, combined with other things, has gotten me to a point where subconsciously I seem to be saying “screw the healthy way, take the extreme way cause at least you know in the end that’ll work whereas Weight Watcher’s has failed you”. But Weight Watcher’s didn’t fail me, I failed the program by not being able to get past the plateau, regardless of who failed who I am still stuck at this current weight and going home in 8 days looking like this.

And wow, didn’t this post get dark fast? *rolls eyes*

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Abnormal Sleeping

25 Oct

Once upon a time, when I was a wee little babe who still slept in a crib my mom would put me down for a nap or for the night and apparently I’d conk right out. Soon as I was laying down I was unconscious. Wasn’t I such a nice baby? 😉 lol

For as long as I can remember I have been a night owl – a condition I feel is not given enough respect in our society lol. I know when you’re a kid it’s your parents’ responsibility to give you a bedtime and make you obey it, and really, how is a parent supposed to tell the difference between a kid who just wants to be a brat and not go to bed and a kid who is destined to be a night owl?

So, as a child I often pushed the boundaries of my bedtime, trying anything I could think of to stay up late and when I couldn’t draw out the actual going to bed process any longer I’d lay in bed bored out of my skull wide awake with nothing to do. I’m sure 9 times out of 10 I fell asleep because of sheer boredom lol.

Well now here I am, an adult, and I seem to have completely lost the ability to get to sleep at anything approaching a “normal” hour. Although what is “normal” is sooooo up for debate 😛 But even I think it is getting out of control, and if I think that then you know that means I am having sleeping issues. Which, is so sad cause sleeping is one of my absolute fave activities evah!

Yeah, you heard that right, I looooove sleeping! I love my bed, my pillows, my blankets, I love curling up in bed with a book, I love slowly waking up and being more aware of how comfy I am as I turn over and burrow farther under my blankets and pillows lol, I especially love my dreams…which may sound weird but let me explain! My dreams are like stories, seriously, they have a storyline, a plot, they play out in my head like a tv show or movie except instead of watching what someone else created I am watching what my brain comes up with. 🙂 So much better!

For the past couple weeks or so though I can’t get to sleep. I usually go to sleep anywhere between midnight and 3am, depending on what I did that day, how early I was up, when I have to be up the next day, all kinds of stuff. But lately? Just not happening. I have still been going to bed somewhere in that time frame, usually closer to the 3am then the midnight lol, but all I do is lay in bed, bored, tossing and turning. I lay awake for so many hours I actually start to feel hungry! It’s way harder to get to sleep when you’re hungry…I decided to stay up packing one of those evenings, thought maybe if I wore myself out I’d actually get to sleep when I went to bed so I didn’t go to bed till 4am and all that accomplished was me not managing to fall asleep until about 7am or so, sigh. And last night! omg, sigh, went to bed at 3am, tossed, turned, did that thing where you know you must be dozing off every now and then but for the most part you’re well aware of the passage of time, was still tossing at 6am, eventually go to a pathetic version of sleep, woke up full an proper at 9am, then and only then did I manage to drop into a deep sleep which lasted all the way till 10:45am when my alarm went off. *groan*

I miss my long, deep, dream filled sleeps. 😦

And of course, because I’m not getting to sleep until stupidly late I (if my alarm isn’t set) sleep in until stupidly late in the day thereby screwing up my days schedule. erg. Suckfest.

I keep toying with the idea of taking a sleeping pill, popping it at like 10pm so I’d be asleep by what 11pm or so? (I’m not sure how quickly those things kick in) but I’m reluctant to regulate my sleeping with medication, there must be a better way!…what it is though I am in the dark about lol

Oh, and can I say, what pisses me off even more then missing out on my dreams is the knowledge that without regular proper sleep your body stops losing weight and will sometimes even gain weight – gain! Double suckfest.

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My Brain Is Stumped

21 Oct

I can’t seem to write a post today to save my life. sigh. It’s not writer’s block exactly, I have written two well thought out drafts…and then I deleted them because they are not what I want to post on this blog. One was too well, weird, the other was somehow becoming political…all cause I wanted to share a picture but the picture needs an explanation and the explanation was getting out of hand. I am the least politically minded person out there and well, hello? this is a weight loss blog – not a politics blog! Too bad about the picture tho…shrug.

I haven’t posted in a couple days, mostly cause nothing all that interesting was going on. lol. I had intended to post yesterday but got in this strange mood and actually wanted to pack so I figured I better not waste it lol. It’s not that I don’t like packing, I mean, really, what’s not to like? Put on some music, have a drink near by and put your stuff in boxes – easy peasy. 🙂 But I keep putting it off, mostly cause I am lazy…and scared of spiders. *shudder*. I don’t want to pack at night cause I’m scared when I’m moving furniture or getting stuff from under my bed or up high in my closet I’ll disturb spiders and I’ll see them but not easily enough to be able to kill them before they hide somewhere I can’t follow…like under a baseboard. ick. Then I’ll be freaking out about the spider, and how it is watching me and waiting for me to sleep so it can exact some sort of revenge, and I’ll be too icked out to do much else.

During the day I am out and about doing random prepping-for-the-move errands (like getting boxes, booking a truck etc) and when I get home from all of that I have just enough time to get a bite to eat before going to boxing. Which, fyi, tuesday was my last Dragon Boating session, then I boxed wed, thurs and fri and every-freakin-muscle in my body aches, and I mean aches! *groan*

This whole week I have felt off, I can’t figure what it is, but the boxing classes seemed harder then normal, my rowing was off a bit, it just seems like I am getting muscle fatigue quicker and it’s lasting longer then what I normally experience. I am hoping this is my body realizing I’m gonna keep making it work out even if it does insist on plateuing and so it’s caved and is building muscle mass and getting rid of fat – fingers crossed!

But yeah, so really, the only time I have to pack is in the evenings after boxing, so starting around 9pm or so but that’s when things get creepy cause of spiders…so I’ve been letting the whole packing thing kinda stay on the back burner…*whistles innocently*

I realized (thanks to my mom) that perhaps I have let things slide just a tad too much and should start packing. ugh.

I am quite possibly the least organized packer out there lol. I started in my room, got to a point and stopped there. Oh, and the ‘point’ I got to and then stopped at? Doesn’t really make any sense. Some of my books were packed but not even half, the contents of my desk drawers were packed up but not the stuff on my desk, most of the non-clothing items in my closet were packed but not quite all of them…you get the idea I’m sure. 😛 Then I moved to the living room…*rolls eyes*…most of my movies are packed, but not all, I did manage to pack an entire two shelves of a three shelf bookcase, and some random decorative items are now packed…ok, fine, most of them are packed. lol.

The only thing I am organized with is the labelling of boxes. Every box gets a number, I have a notebook where I write down the box number and the contents of that box so I know where every item is. Oh, and each box is labelled what room it needs to go in to at the new place, if it has fragile items in it and if it is heavy…I’d say that’s a decent level of organization, kinda… 😉

I’m happy to be able to say that the food-buying rules I came up with a couple weeks ago are still holding firm. 🙂 I am only buying (when needed obviously lol) eggs, milk, bread, yogurt, fresh fruit. I am not buying frozen food items, canned or boxed foods. This is not some weird addition to my healthy eating plan, lol, this is so I have less food to move. I don’t know about you but I somehow end up with a stockpile of boxed/canned foods. Most of it comes from when something is on ridiculously good sale, like the Thinsations, every now and then they go on a great sale so I stock up cause I know I am gonna eat them. But I always eat certain flavours faster then others so when I finish eating say, the Oreo Cakesters, instead of saying I can’t buy anymore until I have also finished the other types off I will buy more Cakesters. Gradually, I end up with more food in my cupboards then is practical for me space wise and diet wise. Sometimes it’s useful to have this stockpile, like when money is so short that I can’t afford to buy anything, then I know I have some food in the cupboards that I can eat, but really, a package of Thinsations chocolate covered pretzels does not a meal make – no matter how tasty they are. Yum! lol. 😛

Everytime I finish something and can get rid of the box or can or bag I get a little happy glow. 🙂 Yeah, so what if that is lame. 😛 lol. I did cave, kinda, and bought some frozen chicken breasts. I had a RainCheck for them cause when they were on sale the store was out of stock and I realized last night when cooking dinner once the chicken breast I was cooking was eaten the only things in my kitchen that would have protein were my last two hot dog weiners, eggs and peanut butter. Rather pathetic considering how often I exercise. lol. Sooooo, I decided buying the chicken, while yes, it was bringing food into the apartment, isn’t such a bad decision cause I’ll have eaten most of it by the time I move, and, well, it’s kind of a necessity, right? 😉

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I Cheer Blue

18 Oct

For the past two weeks I have missed the majority of The Biggest Loser episodes because my Dragon Boating was moved to Tuesdays. I tuned in this week just in time to see Bob ride a bull, Bonnie fell during the challenge, the red team finally won a challenge, Bonnie is pissed with Anna (her trainer), the blue team managed to not lose the weigh in, oh, and for some reason one of the guys on the black team didn’t have his weight loss count towards the team’s total…I’m not really sure why…

Even though I didn’t get to see the entire episode I still saw lots that kept me entertained. 🙂

This is the second season I have watched where instead of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream or cookies while watching I use the contestants as inspiration while I work on my (admittedly slower) weight loss journey. I don’t really “connect” with the contestants, it’s not like there’s been a contestant that I say “I so feel that person, we have so much in common” but that’s ok cause watching all of them while they push through their bad days helps me think I can push past my bad days.

I don’t like how they divided the teams this season, based on age…it seems like the older team, the Blue Team, is getting picked off one by one. I have this tendency to cheer for the underdog, in movies they usually win lol, but in real life rooting for the underdog doesn’t always guarantee you’ll be cheering for the winning team. 😛

I am not so delusional that I think either of the women left on the Blue Team will actually win the contest – I’m betting on the big guy on the Black Team whose the ex-football player. I mean, c’mon, dude is huge! Of course he’s gonna lose the most, he has the most to lose. Even though I know neither of the women on the Blue Team will win I am still cheering for them. Two of the oldest people on the ranch, with a new trainer, and more physical limitations then the other younger players…doomed I tell ya, doooooooomed! I keep wondering if the other teams will take pity on the Blue Team and do something to help them but I doubt it, they all want that big prize at the end and I don’t think any of them would dare risk their chance at winning it. lol. Human nature. 🙂

Today I ate:

1 Yoplait Light yogurt red velvet cake = 2 points

1 Weetabix = 1 point

1/2 C 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

leftover Coconut Shrimp Bites = approx 3 points

2 pcs toast = 3 points

1 fried egg = 2 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

20 grams Vegetable Thins crackers = 2 points

1 pck Thinsations Peak Freans = 2 points

1 Thinsations Fudge Dipped Bar = 2 points

Total points eaten = 20

Exercise points earned = 3

I had to guesstimate on how many points the leftover shrimp from Red Lobster were, there were only like 5 in the container so I don’t think it was a crazy high amount of points eaten but just in case I guesstimated low I’m not eating anymore points today (even though I earned 3 exercise points). This kinda sucks cause I am still a tad hungry but oh well, shrug, I’m just gonna drink more water and/or tea and hope I’m actually just dehydrated and not for real hungry.

I’ve been enjoying my Yoplait Light yogurt that I got from the states on Sunday, so far I’ve had the Blueberry Pie and the Red Velvet Cake flavours. 😀 I blindly choose the yogurt flavour from the fridge so I was happily surprised when I got the red velvet cake flavour today – I’ve been psyched to try that one lol. There was a funny aftertaste with the blueberry pie flavour and the red velvet while yummy didn’t actually taste anything like red velvet cake lol. I have eight other flavours to eat so I’m reserving judgement on them all until I’ve gotten to taste all ten I bought. Then I will write a proper review on the Yoplait Light yogurts. 🙂 cause ya know, I’m sure you all care what I think about the yogurt line lol.

Go Blue Team Go!…might as well get my cheer on while the Blue Team still exists lol

Oh! and word of warning, if you get the Coconut Shrimp Bites from Red Lobster and microwave them to warm them up they explode in the microwave, a lot! lol. Luckily the container I warmed them up in had a cover so the batter that was being removed via the heat waves splattered onto the insides of the container and not all over the inside of my microwave. lol. I think I saved some calories by losing all that batter from the shrimp… 😀 lol

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Weight Ranges and I

17 Oct

Most everyone who has a weight loss blog has a desired weight they want to get to. I think most people in general have a desired weight or weight range they want to be at. Some look at the weight range as a far off dream they can never achieve, others use it to motivate themselves to make healthy choices throughout the day.

That number, or range, taunts us at times, it seems to hover in the distance never getting any closer. Mean huh?

I have never been good at gauging a person’s weight, that whole “guess my weight” game? I suck at it! Combine that with not really knowing what an appropriate weight is supposed to be and well, I start to get lost when it comes to weight ranges. I remember as a kid in grade 5, we had an assignment where we had to create a person, draw them, write a bio for them, the whole bit – just as if they were real and you were researching them. I don’t remember why we had to do this but the why isn’t really part of my point right now. lol. I created a lady, I don’t remember what age I made her, probably in the 20’s cause I thought that was the perfect age to be at. 😛 I remember I made her tall-ish and thin. Now, I totally randomly chose height and weight numbers because I didn’t really grasp how tall or fat any of the numbers I could choose from would make a person, shrug. What I do remember is my sister, when she saw the weight I made my person exclaiming over how thin I made her – apparently she was so thin she’d have been severely underweight, oops!

I tweaked her numbers until my sister said they were more realistic and left it at that. But lately, I thought of the woman I created and realized I wouldn’t do any better at giving her a good height/weight ratio today then I did back in grade 5.

So many things affect how we view the world, view others, view ourselves. It would be great if the entire world was just chock full of healthy people, if we were all somehow healthy – but who can even say what healthy is? There are so many different ways to judge a person’s health, and so many different definitions of what is healthy. Some people argue being overweight is a lifestyle choice and you are just as healthy being obese as you are being thin – I am not making this up! I watched a documentary about it. Others say you can measure a healthy body using BMI, weight, measurements etc. Some say just eye ball it, if you look good then you’re fine. Or go by how you feel – if you feel healthy then you are. So how do you know if you are healthy when there are so many ways to “measure” health, and many of those way contradict each other.

Years ago, when I still lived in AB and had a family doctor, she gave me a very stern lecture about how I was fat and needed to lose weight. She made it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world to do and she even seemed honestly confused that I wasn’t sure how to get rid of the fat I had accumulated. Please keep in mind this lady is one of those so-skinny-she’s-a-twig people and even when she was pregnant was super tiny and lost all the weight super fast. She said she “experimented” with many different types of diets so she could speak knowledgably about them to her patients – I applaud this, and yet, was annoyed by this. How could this woman, this incredibly thin woman, tell me after she’s tried the South Beach Diet, and Atkins and a whole bunch of other eating plans which one was best when she doesn’t have an ounce of body fat on her and never has? She doesn’t really know what it is going to take for me to lose the weight, she just has theories.

One thing she did give me though, was information. She let me know, for my height and gender what weight range I should be at. In case you are wondering, I am 5’8″ and female, so I was supposed to be between 130-135lbs. All these years later I am using those numbers as my goal, thinking nothing has changed and that information is still accurate. Well, I double checked that today and found times have a-changed and that weight range isn’t exactly what I should be aiming for. According to Weight Watcher’s, for my height I should be looking at a range of 132-164lbs. The way larger range they say I am ok to be using made me wonder what other numbers I might find out there. So I went googling…

On www.divine.ca the range I got was 125-144lbs. On www.healthcentral.com my range is 144-158.4lbs. I could keep going on with different websites but suffice to say, they all give a broader range then my doctor ever did and all the ranges are different. Most of them overlap with part of their numbers but still…none of them match. How is it so hard to find out what your ideal weight range should be?

What makes it even harder is I am in the entertainment business, which means a “normal” weight is considered a “larger” weight in my world. I have met actresses who in real life are in such good shape, they are toned, they are fit, they are thin, they are what many aspire to be. And yet, they have network officials telling them daily to lose weight because they look too fat on their tv show. It’s sad, not surprising, but sad. The camera really does add weight to your frame, and so these women, who look amazing in real life look a tad larger on screen then what we as viewers are used to and what the network officials are happy with.

I was checking out a website of an actress I don’t know because I was thinking of getting a website from the same company and they said to view hers to get an idea of what mine would look like – format, layout etc. I was checking out the various pages on her site and saw her stats, she is an inch taller then me and lower in weight then the range I had been aiming for. So, she’s 5’9″ and was 122lbs. This made me want to hit my head against a wall.

Here I am at 5’8″ struggling to get to 130-135lbs and she’s even lighter then me while being taller then me. Which means, even if I was at 130lbs, if I stood next to her, I’d look large. Crap.

Losing weight is hard enough without the added pressure of your work industry hovering over you like a rainy cloud. I try to ignore the knowledge that for an actress I am quite fat, and therefore way limited in the roles I can audition for. Sure, I have lost weight, and opened up more possibilities for me career wise, and yes I have my agent now which will help, but really, to have the best chance possible I have to get down in weight, and clothing size, and measurements, in everything…and not just to the weight range I’ve had in my head this entire time but to at least 5-10lbs below it…which means my journey just got ten pounds longer, sigh.

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Goodbye U.S. (part 2)

17 Oct

So sure, it’s only been minutes since I finished the last post but since it’s now past midnight it is technically the “tomorrow” I spoke about in the last sentence of the previous post so I am writing…it is my blog ya know, I’m pretty sure that means I get to make up the rules lol 😉

Let’s see, I left off with the three of us gorging ourselves at Red Lobster, yum. 😀

I took a cooler with me with a freezer pack inside to store the yogurt I was planning to buy so I put our leftovers in there and off we went to the outlet mall. I’ve been to that mall before, with KL actually, but KS hadn’t been so we wandered most of it. Banana Republic was a real wallet killer for the other two, both found multiple clothing items they wanted. I tried some stuff on for fun but none of it fit….I found this cute dress, empire waist and flowy which is usually a win for me cause that style hides a lot of my trouble areas. Well, the bodice part is fitted and made of a non-stretchy material, I couldn’t get the dress up over my hips and when I tried to put it on over my head I couldn’t get it to go past my breasts…barriers at both ends of my body! lol. 😛 Ah well, I couldn’t have afforded it anyways, and where would I wear a dress? It’s winter! *rolls eyes*

I was mostly looking for presents for people for Christmas, I found none, sigh. I was sorta hoping to find a new pair of runners for working out as mine are not very good anymore but the prices weren’t cheap enough to be worth the expense so I left them all behind…so sad, leaving shoes behind, I think there’s a Girl Rule about that and I think I broke it…oops. 😛

We didn’t stay at the mall all that long, KS spent as much as she was willing to spend in the first store so she was ready to leave right after that and KL kept looking then talking herself out of buying stuff lol. Sorry to say we didn’t help the American economy all that much…although, we did give the waitress at Red Lobster a kick ass awesome tip so at least she benefited from us being there lol.

After the mall we went to Wal-Mart for my yogurt splurge! 😀 I was so excited and so nervous – and yes, I am aware of how pathetic that is. I was all excited to finally get this yogurt I’ve been wanting to try for so long but so nervous they might not have it *cringe*

Turns out I had nothing to fear, the Yoplait yogurt section was huuuuuuge! And oh so much of it was the Yoplait Light, wOOt! 😀

Thanks to a link left as a comment on one of my posts I was able to scope out the flavours last night so I already knew what I was looking for. I found even more flavours then was on the site but it turned out that I had veered into the non-light section by accident so I was looking at flavours I wasn’t going to be buying (like Pina Colada). Luckily I realized before getting to the till so the 2 non-light ones I grabbed by accident were replaced by light yogurts.

My Tower of Yoplait Light Yogurt!

I bought ten in total, each a different flavour, and none of them flavours I could get here in a different brand of yogurt (so no mixed berries etc).

The flavours I got are: Cherry Cobbler, Boston Cream Pie, Key Lime Pie, Apple Turnover, Blueberry Pie, Red Velvet Cake, Strawberry Short Cake, Lemon Meringue, Cinnamon Roll and Lemon Cream Pie. phew, just re-reading that is fun, imagine the fun of eating them! *excited giggles*

Walking through the food section of that Wal-Mart was crazy! We didn’t even go up and down the aisles so it was just what we were seeing as we aimed towards the yogurt but wow, lots of stuff we don’t have. I am jealous you have Special K potato chips, and for cheap! I couldn’t justify buying them but don’t think I didn’t stick a box in my cart and push it around for a while in the hopes I could convince myself lol. There was junk food everywhere! The end of each aisle we passed was strictly unhealthy food…I guess all the healthy stuff is in the aisles and they put the unhealthy at the end…which could be smart cause that means you could shop the aisles and kinda pretend the ends don’t exist so you don’t buy any junk. That’s probably not how it works though huh?

Of course it doesn’t help that it’s leading up to halloween so there was lots of extra candy etc all around…we saw this huge container of cheese balls…for halloween, kinda strange. Oh, and these cookies with marshmallows attached somehow and shaped to look like spooky cats, also kinda strange. There was lots of candy and junk food I wish I’d written down the names of cause I wanted to know what it was but didn’t want to pick it up in case I didn’t have the willpower to put it back lol. One thing I couldn’t resist was this big box of Junior Mints for only $1! Only a dollar?!?! Sweeeeet! Oh, fyi, those are like my all time fave chocolate candy type thing and they are kinda expensive here so I don’t buy them all too often and when I do buy them I get the super small box. So this, a big box for only a buck, there was no thought process, there was just my hand reaching out for a box lol. Bad I know…I’ll probably regret it tomorrow…but not tonight! 😛

So yeah, Wal-Mart was like a wonderland for bad-for-me-foods but I was firm and stuck to the yogurts and er, that one box of Junior Mints *whistles an innocent tune*

After that we got some gas (oh my god so much cheaper there, even when you take in to account gallons vs litres! It was a little over $20 for half a tank in my suv, here that’d cost me about $35!) and we headed back to our side of the border.

The Canadian border guard was a lady and asked how long we were in the states, I said approx 12 hours, she asked why we went, I said to eat at Red Lobster. She gave us all this up and down look and said “you were at Red Lobster for 12 hours??” So of course I said no, after eating we hit up the outlet mall blah blah blah. We always get way more questions going back home then leaving…firearms, tobacco, drugs, duty free shopping, how much did we spend, anybody give us gifts, and on and on…I mean seriously, if I was bringing drugs or firearms back do they really think I’d say yes when they ask? *rolls eyes*

I am happy to report my yogurt stayed nice and cold (I put it in the cooler bag) so I am not concerned it will not be safe to eat and I can’t wait till I have an appetite again cause the first thing I’m gonna eat is one of those. I am going to eat them by randomly plucking one from the group instead of carefully choosing, so it’ll be a little surprise each time. 🙂 Hey, let me get my jollies where I can alright? 😛 lol

No more food binges for me though, that was plenty of damage! I know there is no saving this week but I will be careful for the rest of it anyways and hopefully my body can recover from the damage I inflicted in a couple weeks or so…I wish it luck! lol.

Oh! Sidenote, I got hit on in the yogurt section of Wal-Mart…guy offered to buy me the “real thing” when I was holding the Pina Colada yogurt…I said thanks but no…random!

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Hello U.S. (part 1)

16 Oct

I may never finish digesting all the food that got put in my stomach today…seriously, soooooo much food! All of it delicious but ugh, my digestive track is going to make me pay for this tomorrow, and the day after, and the day after…and probably even tonight eek! lol.

Today was my quest to Red Lobster, oooooooh yeah baby! *butt wiggling dance* 😀 It is ShrimpFest at Red Lobster and who can resist all you can eat shrimp? Not I or my friends lol. 😀

KL and KS got here at 9:22am, luckily I was ready early. 🙂 I may have been a tad eager for the day to begin *blinks innocently* I drove us and we made good time, the wait at the border was about 20mins which is much better then the sign warning a 40min wait, lol. The US border guard was a guy and when he asked why we were going to the States I was honest, I told him we were going to Red Lobster. 😛 You should have seen his face, the funny look he gave me, maybe he hasn’t heard that reason before? *head tilt* He let us cross without any real hassle (yah for the three of us looking fairly harmless!) and on we went. 😀 We actually passed the outlet mall on the way to the restaurant but we wanted to eat first and then go shopping, the shrimp was more important then the potential clothes etc we might find.

There were barely any people in the restaurant when we got there, they’d only been open an hour or so but that was perfect cause we got a great booth really quickly. Now, here’s the thing, when it’s an all-you-can-eat deal you can’t take food home with you, buuuuut, like I was gonna let that stop me? I was determined to sneak out some of those cheddar biscuits!…sooooo, I had tupperware in my purse *blush* Hey! Don’t judge me! A girl does what she must! 😉

KS and I both did the ShrimpFest but KL had never been to a Red Lobster before (poor deprived soul) so she got the Create-A-Feast, she got snow crab legs, large butterfly coconut shrimp and um…I don’t remember her third item. She also “generously” offered to sacrifice her waist size by helping KS and I eat our shrimp – isn’t she so selfless? It’s amazing the lengths friends will go to for each other. teehee

Brace yourself! Here are the shrimp dishes I got: (seriously, you may want to sit for this…okaaaaay, I warned you!)

Coconut Shrimp Bites

Garlic Shrimp

Those came with a baked potato, oh, and I’d already been served a garden salad and eaten two of the cheddar biscuits…and eaten 1 lobster-crab-and-seafood stuffed mushrooms (we split the appie but I didn’t care for it so I let the other two eat the rest)

Then I got:

Sweet and Spicy Grilled Shrimp (ten to a skewer – I highly recommend, they were awesome!)

Parmesan Shrimp

Shrimp Linguini Alfredo

Coconut Shrimp Bites (yes, I got a second order)

At that point I thought I was gonna burst and was ever so grateful I wore my loose fitting jeans – more room for my tummy to expand lol.

The Shrimp Linguini Alfredo wasn’t as good as it normally is, when I get it in AB it has more seasoning, I found this serving a bit bland, this blandness saved me some calories cause I decided since I didn’t loooove it I wasn’t gonna eat it (ya know, considering how many calories I ate with all the other food I feel that savings is rather pathetic in the grand scheme of things lol).

The Coconut Shrimp Bites were amazing! I loved them! Never had them before but I will so want them again someday…the dipping sauce has coconut in it and the batter on the shrimp has a bit of spicy to it, Mmm! and yeah, you read that right, batter, as in bad for me batter…no healthy shrimp for me today!

The Parmesan Shrimp was yum but basically the Garlic Shrimp with a breaded parmesan layer over top so I say just get one per meal and stick with the Garlic ones cause they are so so so delish and by avoiding the breaded parmesan layer you just gotta be saving some calories, fat, carbs, etc…right? *nods convincingly* Yah! I convinced myself! lol

One of the newbie shrimp dishes is the Sweet and Spicy Grilled Shrimp – holy crapolla! Whoever came up with that dish deserves praise! The perfect blend of sweet and spicy, nice big shrimp, ten on a skewer, they slid off the skewer oh so gently. Couldn’t ask for anything better. I wanted a second order of those too but knew I wouldn’t be able to eat them there and figured they wouldn’t warm up very well at home – and really, if I couldn’t at least eat a couple at the restaurant and if they weren’t going to warm up well I figured it’d be a waste of food to order them…I didn’t want to be responsible for the death of more shrimp then absolutely needed. lol. I was already causing a severe dip in the shrimp stocks of this Red Lobster location 😛

I had a strategy going in to this meal and I was even kind enough to share it with KS, I wanted to make sure we didn’t get too full too early on and not be able to eat lots. The first part of the plan was don’t order the linguini first! The pasta is way filling and will take up too much room! The rest of the plan was fairly simple, only order water or a diet pop (no filling drinks), eat barely any or none of the salad that comes with the order, don’t eat the side that comes with the order (I ordered a baked potato which I love but barely touched it), don’t eat the rice or other filler foods that come with the various shrimp dishes, oh, and most importantly, for pitys sake, never stop eating! If you stop eating that gives your stomach and brain time to get all chatty with each other and your brain will realize that you are way full and tell your stomach to STOP! If that happens you’re screwed…so, keep eating, a slow and steady pace, that way you can fit way more in. Gee, is it a wonder I got so fat? 😉

The plan worked out great! Obviously. You did read the food list above right? What normal person can eat that much food?? *rolls eyes* Well, ok, the other two at the table ate about the same amount so I’m not the only one lol.

I did manage to sneak 4 of the cheddar biscuits out of there, and KS and I each brought home leftovers. I just couldn’t bring myself to leave the leftover coconut shrimp bites there (they are just that good!) so I brought them home, along with the dipping sauce, and will see how they warm up…ya know, in four days when I finally get an appetite back. 😉

*I have more to tell about the trip but this post is already long enough so I’ll write a Part 2 entry tomorrow!* 😀

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If I Lived In The States…

15 Oct

(Disclaimer! I am not claiming all who live in the States would be like this or are like this, just that my self restraint is so pathetic I would be like this! 🙂 )

– I would most likely be a hoarder

– I would for sure be a crazy couponer

– I’d be even fatter then I already am

How do you (people who live in the States) handle the crazyness that are your grocery store flyers? My brain amost exploded just from flipping though one of them online – it’s for a store called Albertsons.

I am going to be in the states tomorrow on a little jaunt with some friends, now, I have been to the states many times, sometimes on vacations (Hawaii, California and more) and other times I went cause I had an American roomie who had to go down every month to fill a prescription and since she didn’t have a car I drove her and we’d usually end up stopping at Target cause she was in love with the place and just had to go everytime we were near one. No biggy, we got cheap cereal from there so I was happy. lol 😀

I thought the cheap food prices were because we were in a Target and Target is like Zellers or Wal-Mart, pretty much everything is cheaper. Well, it appears all your food is cheaper…even when I take in to account the difference in our dollars. And I swear half the things in that flyer had a “10 for $10” banner, how do you resist stocking up on every-frickin-thing?! There was pancake mix, two boxes for $2, 2 for 1 on fresh corn on the cob, 79cents a pound for squash, 3 for $10 for frozen pizza, ten for $10 on ice cream and frozen smoothies, 2 for $3 bags of frozen veggies, 10 for $10 for healthy pasta!…I could go on but you get the idea…

Are the flyers always this great?

Everytime I saw something in the flyer I eat that was 2 for 1 or ten for ten or priced in the cents amount I wanted to write it down and buy it when I am there cause the prices are crazy good! 🙂

I think I’d lose all self restraint in a grocery store in the states if I lived there, I’d be scooping up all the deals all the time, even the ones on bad-for-me foods – I now have a better understanding of those crazy couponers I see on tv lol. 🙂

Maybe I wouldn’t feel the need to snap up everything if I lived there cause I’d know that just around the corner another crazy awesome flyer would be showing up but I dunno…I think for sure for a while at least I’d be buying all those ten for ten foods…cause how do you resist buying something that’s a dollar each?

Can you imagine how much ice cream I could have stocked in my freezer? Oh the humanity! And that right there is why I’d be fatter then I already am cause not like I’d only be stocking up on healthy stuff and buying only the healthy food good deals…I’d be getting the ice cream, and frozen pizzas and who knows what else?! …cookies…I’d be getting cookies, and cakes and pies, that’s the “what else” – might as well admit it lol. 😛

So to recap, I’d be a hoarder cause I’d be buying way larger quantities of food then I could ever eat and it would eventually take over my apartment. I’d be a crazy couponer just for the sheer joy of getting to buy so much and save so much. And I’d be fatter cause I’d have a freezer full of ice cream and frozen pizzas and cupboards full of cookies and stuff from the bakery section of the store. 😛

Today I ate:

1 pckg Quaker maple and brown sugar oatmeal = 2 points

1 fried egg = 2 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

1 pc toast = 1.5 points

1 SmartOnes Cranberry Turkey = 4 points

1 light babybell = 1 point

1 pckg Thinsations Ritz crackers = 2 points

1 pear = 1 point

1 pckg Special K fruit crisps = 2 points

1 pckg Thinsations chocolate covered pretzels = 2 points

1 pckg Quaker cinnamon spice oatmeal = 2 points

1 cup cocoa = 4 points

Total points eaten = 24.5

Ok, so I ate 4.5 flex points and earned zero exercise points. You might be wondering why I ate so weirdly…or maybe you skip over the food list part of my post cause it’s boring lol

I had a nannying shift today from 4p-11p so I had to take dinner. The family is nice and I could have eaten some of what the kids had for dinner but they almost always eat white pasta with a meat sauce and you can actually see the fat and grease settling on the top, ugh. Even when I wasn’t trying to be healthier I could never eat that. ick. So I took the frozen SmartOnes dinner, my last one – so yah, one more thing outta my freezer! lol. I also took the pear and a bunch of little packages of things.

I figured it was safer to take the thinsations and special K packages then get really hungry there and raid their cookie jar – which, fyi, is always stuffed with really good cookies. *groan* They even had pie this time…apple…kill me. 😛

By the time I got home I was hungry and cold but only had 2 points left. I decided I had to eat something so I chose another package of oatmeal, it’s the only warm food I have that is low in points and quick to make. lol. I know I could have cooked up some frozen veggies but at 11:30pm I want something comforting, not veggies. 😛

The cocoa, well, my reasoning for that little indulgence was I wanted a hot drink but didn’t want the caffeine from the tea cause I have to get up early tomorrow so I want to at least try to get to sleep at a semi decent hour…this reasoning is flawed cause (1) the caffeine in tea doesn’t really affect me all that much and never really keeps me awake and (2) the sugar in the cocoa is just as bad as ingesting caffeine so I’m now all nice ‘n alert anyways lol (it’s 1:35am on Sunday morning in case you’re wondering…I will however change the Publish Time on this post so it shows as being a Saturday post)

I am now off to bed to dream of Red Lobster’s Shrimp Fest – Mmm!Mmm!Mmm! Endless shrimp followed by a romp through the yogurt section of a grocery store – it’s gonna be a good Sunday! 😀

Sidenote: what kind of freak have I become I’m more excited to buy yogurt then go through the outlet mall? Freeeeak! 😛 *crazy dance* 😉

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Don’t Make Me Go Postal On You

14 Oct

Do you ever have one of those days where people and circumstances piss you off quicker then usual?

That was me today. sigh.

I don’t know why this happens, it doesn’t happen all that often luckily…some say I have a temper cause of my red hair, ah, don’t you just loooove stereotypes? Yup, I sure do, I absolutely adore being judged based solely on my hair colour. *rolls eyes* I won’t even go in to the comments I get from people based on the other stereotypes about redheads.

Personally, I like to think I have a temper because I feel emotions strongly, I don’t think it has anything to do with my hair colour.lol And! My temper isn’t even all that bad anymore! It’s not like it mellowed with age or anything, more like I got better at controlling it and deciding when to let it “be freeeeee” and when I am over-reacting.

Well today, oh today, *big sigh*, I thought I was gonna burst a blood vessel cause of all the stupidity surrounding me.

It started with Tim Horton’s, I love Timmy’s! I however, generally, don’t care much for the majority of the staff there…it’s like management purposefully picks employees who don’t listen to what the customer wants and are incapable of critical thinking…and see, that’s a sign of my temper cause that’s such an over-generalization of the staff there. I have had great experiences at Tim’s, staff that were super friendly and helpful and it’s not right for me to label them all as incompetent-annoying-stupid-boobs just cause I’m in a mood…and yet, right now, I am. erg.

Here is how my convo at the Tim’s counter went (oh, and I’m inside face-to-face with the cashier not talking through one of drive thru boxes):

Me: Hi, I’d like a pumpkin spice tea and a tin of fine ground coffee please.

Staff #1: What? you want coffee?

Me: Yeah, a tin of the fine ground coffee…oh, and a pumpkin spice tea.

Staff #1: *staring at her till*muttering* coffee…coffee…coffee…Ok, one tin of coffee *she then goes and grabs the tin*stares at me expectandly

Me: and a pumpkin spice tea, you still have that right? the website says you stock it for all of October…

Staff #1: Pumpkin spice donut?

Me: uh, sure, I guess I could take one of those too but I’d really like the pumpkin spice tea.

Staff #1: in a tin?

Me: no, in a cup, so I can drink it.

Staff #1: oh! ok. *punches stuff on her till* your total is $$, the other lady will make your tea and put it over there

Me: Thanks. *I go to the pick up counter*

Staff #2: here’s your wrap

Me: I didn’t order a wrap, I’m waiting for my cup of tea

Staff #1: she wants a pumpkin tea

Staff #3: she wants what?

Staff#2: I’m not sure…

Staff #1: the pumpkin tea, do we still have that?

Staff #3: no, we’re all out of that

Staff #1: *to me this time* oh, we’re all out of the pumpkin tea *goes to turn away*

Me: well, can I just get a steeped tea then (they are the same price and I’ve already paid)

Staff #1: what?

Me: a steeped tea?

Staff #1: what is that?

Me: *louder and with even clearer pronounciation* a STEEPED tea, you know, the normal tea?

Staff #1: ooooh, um ok, what size?

Me: whatever size you charged me for when you placed the order for the pumpkin tea is fine.

Staff #1: ok, cream and sugar?

Me: just one milk please

Staff #1: so cream and sugar.

Me: No, just one milk.

Staff #1: one cream?

Me: Milk!

Staff #1: oh, milk, ok

That was my first encounter with humanity today, well face to face anyways, it totally set the mood for the rest of my day. *wrinkles nose*

It got even worse when I was in Wal-Mart. Along with my other items I was buying I needed to buy a roll of scotch tape (you know, the kind you can write on?), well, when I got to the till it wouldn’t scan, system said it wasn’t “in the system” so the cashier throws the tape to the side, says it won’t scan and proceded to charge me for my other items. Uh, I needed the tape, otherwise I wouldn’t be buying it. lol. So I tell her I need the tape and that started off a whole chain of events that almost drove me to go postal in Wal-Mart. *rolls eyes*

I won’t write out the whole convo cause it’s too long but here are some fun highlights of this encounter (1) cashier won’t use her phone to call for help or get a manager cause “her throat hurts” (uh, she was talking just fine) (2) even though the barcode isn’t in system so their till doesn’t think the tape exists she wants me to go back to where I got it and grab another one (3) a manager came over, said “oh yeah, sorry, we can’t sell this to you cause it’s not in the system, same thing happened with this tape last night” to which I pointed out if they knew the tape was causing a problem last night they should have taken it off the shelf because I need the tape and since it was there for me to select they have to figure out a way to get it in the system so I can buy it (I was getting pissy by this point) (4) the manager goes away, with the tape, a different manager comes up to see what’s going on so the cashier sorta explains it (5) I’m told to wait to the side a bit while the cashier rings through those behind me, by doing this I got hit by a cart when the lady pushing it didn’t pay attention to where she was going (6) after waiting 20 minutes and the manager not coming back I pay for my other stuff and tell the cashier I want to speak to a manager about the “situation”, I am told to talk to a manager I have to go wait in the Customer Service line – which is huuuuuge (7) I wait in line, the manager finally pops up with a different type of tape and wants me to buy that one instead, I explain I need the other type cause it can be written on, (8) they realize it’s stupidly easy to sell me the tape by putting it in the till as a generic code and I finally get to leave.

After all that I couldn’t wait to get to boxing class! lol I took out much of my frustration while boxing this evening and boy did it feel gooood! Least I won’t be going to bed annoyed with the world. lol. 😛

Sorry this post had nothing to do about my weight watchers or exercise plan, I’ll be more on the ball with my writing tomorrow. 😀 maybe 😉 teehee

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