Tag Archives: fat

Soooooooo Close!

31 Oct

We all know there are a variety of things out there that can hamper our weight loss journeys. Whether it is stress, temptations, weak will power, holidays…whatever, there are a lot of things that can get in our way. Some things we can control, like not over eating during the holidays, some things we can’t control as much, like having to deal with a sudden and stressful situation. That is what I had happen last week, I found out tuesday night that lay offs were happening at work and since then I had major stress. Stress I would get laid off, stress because one of my good friends got laid off, basically I had stress. lol.

I am not good at dealing with stress. Sure, with certain types of stressful situations I am fine but uber stressful? Nope, not my thing. In general, I have a very stress free existence. I don’t mean that I don’t have things in my life that cause stress, I just mean I don’t allow those things to stress me out. I just dismiss things, what’s that expressions…as a duck sheds water…that is how I am with stress. shrug. It rolls off my back – it’s a good way of being, I think, but it also means that when something out of my control pops up that is uber stressful my body freaks. sigh.

The freaking of this past week caused my body to have stomach pain, headaches, bad sleep and a host of other physical symptoms. Through all this I was most worried that the stress would cause me to not lose weight – as of last weekends weigh in day I was 0.8 pounds away from reaching 15 pounds lost and I really wanted to reach that 15 pounds! I wanted to reach it cause, hello? 15 pounds is awesome! and also cause it meant I had reached my first goal and would be allowed to purchase a full length mirror and go through my closet trying on all my clothes to see what fit and what was too large and basically having a fun clothes day. I have been slowly finding clothes in my closet that I can fit in to that 15 pounds ago I was too fat for, I am way excited to find even more of them but decided to make an event of it – hence the waiting till I reached 15 pounds lost. 🙂

Well, I was sorta right and sorta wrong about the stress causing me weigh in day problems. See, weigh in day is every Saturday at 2pm, this became the day and time cause (1) I wanted it on a weekend and (2) the first couple weeks I slept in way late and that was the time I was finally up and about so I have kept it that way ever since. The problem with having weigh in time so late in the day is that if I have anything to do on the saturday that causes me to get up earlier it screws up my weigh in. Anyone who weighs in weekly knows that stepping on that scale around the same time each week is vital.

So friday night I was out with a friend and we ended up eating dinner later then normal, that might have been ok except I also had to get up earlier then normal on the saturday cause I have a nannying job and no way would I get there in time if I wasn’t already up, dressed and fed by 2pm. When I stepped on that scale saturday I was nervous and felt I had every right to be, especially when the number popped up and I had gained 0.2 pounds, yup, you read that right, I gained. sigh. I wasn’t upset about it, which is kinda surprising, but I knew there was a good chance the scale would be mean that morning because of (1) all the stress, (2) later dinner friday and (3) early weigh in time saturday…it was a recipe for a bad number. lol.

I decided to not let it get to me, after all, what could I do about it? Sure, I was now a full freakin pound away from 15 pounds lost instead of 0.8 but sigh, you just gotta let these things go. However, I did decide to re-weigh myself on the sunday, just to see if the number changed…mostly cause I was curious if I had gained the 0.2 pounds because of the dinner, the early weigh in or the stress. I figured if it was the stress the number would still be about the same but if it was a combo of the other two factors maybe the number would be different. Well, woohoo! The number was different! *happy dance* I had lost 1 pound so now I am only 0.2 pounds away from that 15 pounds lost! I almost cheated and went and bought the mirror, I thought that I am soooo close and for sure I will lose that 0.2 this week so why not get it this weekend and have it all ready for use next weekend when going through the clothes in my closet? Right? Well, I decided not to. Cause I haven’t reached the 15 pounds so if I bought the mirror I would be cheating myself out of the celebration of buying it cause I had reached a goal. Does that make sense? Also, if I bought the mirror before I reached the 15 pounds then what happens with my next goal? K, sure, I haven’t actually set a second goal yet, lol, but say I set a goal so that when I lose 30 pounds I get to buy, I dunno, really rockin boots, well, if I pre-buy this goal then for the next goal it will be even easier to say “meh, I am only 5 pounds away from reaching the 30 pound mark, for sure I will reach it so I’ll go buy the boots now” – then not only am I cheating myself out of my prize again! I am cheating at an even earlier time…which you may say I won’t do but I probably would. By buying early now I am practically giving my future self permission to cheat. *rolls eyes* that may sound stupid but it’s how I work. Ya gotta set precedent ya know? …all those law classes at work I guess. lol.

So here I am, 0.2 pounds away from my 15 pounds lost mark and feeling uber happy about that. Even with all that stress last week I stuck to my points and did what I was supposed to and I guess it worked. Sure, I didn’t lose a lot but considering everything that was going on last week, I am happy I lost anything at all. Oh, and combine all that stress with me not exercising…not even once! Oy! Bad move me. lol. I am hopefully starting up a new exercise class tomorrow so I’ll let you know how that goes.

Today I ate:

3 pieces french toast = 7 points

3 tbls maple syrup = 2 points

3 tsp brown sugar = 1 point

2 pieces turkey bacon = 2 points

2 cups kettle corn = 1 1/4 point

1 Mr Noodle chicken flavour = 8 points

1 Quaker Crunch’ers = 2 points

That puts me at 23 1/4 points eaten for the day. Crap. I forgot to write down the turkey bacon in my tracking book and only now remembered it, so that messed up my points for today. I hate forgetting to put things down in my tracker cause that means when I am looking at getting a snack or something I think I have more points to play with then I do, grr.

I think I normally forget to write things down on the weekend cause I am more lax about things, ya know? I am not being controlled by the schedule at work or anything which makes it easier to just slack. Ah well, 1 1/4 points over isn’t gonna kill me, and ya know what? That french toast was sooooo worth it! Mmm! It’s the first time I have ever made french toast, I had to figure out what to do by memory and I am pleasantly surprised I figured it out. So yummy! 😀

Hopefully tomorrow the new work out class works out cause that’ll mean I have one guaranteed physical activity a week for I think it’s 6 weeks, then I can combine with that my 11 visit drop in pass for the local community centre, I can use the pass for the exercise room so I will try to pick one day a week I will for sure go and voila! back to two exercise days a week. 😀 Wish me luck!

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How To Process This…

26 Oct

I think up things to post about all throughout the day – when something interesting happens or I have a particularly inspiring idea (that second one doesn’t happen too often, lol) I think about how I can turn it in to a post and share it. When I am at work, exercising, hanging out with people, surfing online recipes, reading health/diet books – whatever, if I think it can relate here and amuse, entertain, inspire or teach I think about how to post it. I’d say about 95% of these idea never ever even make it near a post, lol, not cause I decide to not share them but because when I sit down to type I forget what I was gonna write about, hehe, great attention span huh?

Sooooo, the whole reason behind that paragraph is because earlier today something happened that really pissed me off – I mean totally and completely pissed me off so badly my post was going to be a rant about how much I hate people and wish I could live the life of a rich hermit, if I could find a way to never have to leave my  house or interact in person with others but still make enough money to live comfortable I would do it…if only I had some mad hacker skills lol.  But then something else happened when I got home that was even worse then what happened earlier…a total and complete suck-fest that I have no power to fix. sigh.

I got a text from a friend at work that after certain people had left (not me, three other people) a staff meeting was called for all those still there to let them know that three specific people have been let go due to budget cuts and their last day will be friday…say wha?!?! We are making record profits! And yeah, two of them are new and not picking up the job all that quickly but the third has been here since…well, for ages! And she does a great job, a specialized job that others are now going to have to do (read – I am going to have to do, sigh) and she is my friend! We sit beside each other, we talk during the day, she’s my main supporter with weight watchers, she makes my work day enjoyable. And as of Monday that will all be gone. 😦

It’s probably wrong and twisted that I keep thinking how I will be affected, but hey, I am self involved over here so whatever! I mean, yeah, I did think about her and how it’s gonna affect her family, I started hoping she gets something new asap and really hoping we don’t lose touch but…I am also thinking how I will be kinda lonely at work, how her absence will affect my work load and “happy factor” at work. We bitch to each other, and help each other, support each other, cover for each other…we do lot’s for and with each other and now she’ll be gone…*sniffle* And who the fuck am I gonna excitedly tell my weight loss amount to every monday?! She was sooooo encouraging during that stupid 4 week plateau, I don’t think I would have made it through without her…I don’t wanna lose her! Now I am just whining…sorry. 😦

So, that text convo (which I am still having btw lol) totally threw me off my stride. Bad news coming out of the blue like that, I wasn’t sure how to deal with it. I instinctively wanted to get something to eat, lol, stupid right? I did eat, hello the plan isn’t to starve myself lol, but I ate my points and no more. However, I did not exercise even though it is tuesday. I know! I am breaking my exercise on tuesday and thursday plan but hey, I was involved in too important of a text convo to go out hiking in the rain…which oh yeah, rain season has started for sure – it’s raining everyday and not little dribbles but full out pouring rain so even if the text convo hadn’t happened I wouldn’t have gone out for the hike. 😛

I am gonna hafta find a new activity…it was one thing to force myself to go out hiking, somehow I managed to do that, but I haven’t been able to force myself to use the exercise bike or Wii Fit, which is stupid cause the Wii Fit is way fun and I like being able to bike while watching tv. I think what it is that’s stopping me (besides laziness) is the bike and Wii are in the living room so using them means I have a good chance of having an audience cause of the roomie. Thing is, I can’t use the Wii without taking over the tv so if she wants to watch something and I am using the Wii fit it’s a dilemna and if she wants to watch tv do you really think she’s gonna wanna hear me huffing and puffing on the bike? Highly doubt she will since I wouldn’t want to hear her and roomie #2 drove me frickin nuts when she’d come back from a run and stretch out all over the living room floor…like I want to see that? ugh.  All of this means I am going to have to find something to sign up for that is twice a week or more and in my price range which is like zero to nothing, lol, and fun. Not too hard of a list right? Ha! 😛

Today I ate:

29 grams Special K Vanilla Almond = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 small banana = 1 point

1 serving weight watchers soup = 0 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 english muffin = 3 points

1 Activia = 2 points

raw mixed vegg = 0 points

1 prawn salad roll = 3 points

85 grams Eating Right whole wheat pasta = 5 points

1/4 cup Alfredo Roasted Tomato sauce = 2 points

mixed cook vegg = 0 points

2 Lifestyle Choices shortbread cookies = 2 points

Total points eaten 22.

So, I am kinda stressed cause until I hear from the boss man that I am not being cut I will be wondering, sigh. As we all know stress is a bad thing to have when trying to lose weight, it can cause your body to hold on to the weight instead of releasing it to the universe – and yes, that is how I have decided to look at it for now. lol. Plus there is the general sucky-ness of knowing my friend won’t have a job as of friday 4:30pm, sigh. Why does life have to be like this? sigh.

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So Way Too Much Food…ugh…

10 Oct

I don’t know how I managed to eat like this all the time, how I could stand feeling so sickly and gross. And yet, I did it often enough to get myself in this mess didn’t I?

Today was my Thanksgiving feast – I got a small Beef Taco Pizza from Panago and a slice of pumpkin pie with whipped cream on top from White Spot. Brought them both home and had myself a little (well, large) meal while watching a movie I rented. It was s’posed to be a throwback to the old days – see back in the day I would rent a couple movies, order in a pizza and have an evening of calorie laden bliss. I didn’t do it all the time but often enough to do damage to my waist line. lol. When I used to do this I would have the pizza delivered and always ordered a medium – I always figured it made better sense to order a medium and have enough left overs to last me a couple days, better use of my money. *rolls eyes* I know, I know, I think of that now and I wanna kick myself but it’s how I convinced myself back in the day it was ok to eat way too much pizza. This time I ordered a small and picked it up (saved on paying a tip teehee) but the goodness of getting a small pizza was completely out measured by the piece of pie I picked up from the restaurant. Oy. Pie slices from restaurants are crazy huge, and it was more expensive to buy one slice from there then to get an entire pie from Safeway but in this I felt the extra money was worth it, better to pay a bit more but only have one slice then to pay less and have an entire pie staring at you everytime you open the fridge door.

So I got all settled with my movie, chowed down on my pizza and ate way too much. I just kept going…it was disgusting. I should have stopped after 2 pieces but I didn’t, did I stop at 3 pieces? Nope, didn’t stop there either…4 pieces!! I ate 4 entire slices of pizza!! I might as well be rolled out the door while I can still fit and taken to a fat camp, ugh. Even as I was eating the 4th piece I was trying to figure out why I was eating it, no way I was hungry at that point but it was like something had been unchained and I couldn’t control it. sigh. When I was done the 4 slices I put the left overs in the fridge and decided the pie was gonna hafta wait cause I felt so ill there was no way I was gonna be able to eat it right then. I didn’t wait all that long to eat that pumpkin pie though, not even the entire length of the movie! I don’t know exactly how long I waited I just know the movie wasn’t over and I was eating the pumpkin pie, whipped cream an all! And do you think I left the crust behind to save myself calories? Well, if you did think that you are delusional! I ate it all. Admittedly it was yummy but double the width of a slice I would have cut for myself and way more whipped cream then what I would have topped it with. Why do restaurants do that?!

Looking back I should have put two slice of pizza on my plate and put the rest in the fridge right away. My brain has gotten used to only seeing the food I am actually going to eat so it knows it is ok to eat everything in front of me, but this, having the open pizza box, it was like my brain didn’t know when to stop. Oh, and I pulled out a large plate! The horrors! I never use those anymore, all my food is served on small plates, that way it looks like way more. I was just breaking all kinds of rules today. sigh.

It’s weird, I knew in advance I was going to eat the pizza and pie today, I convinced myself it was ok cause it was a one time treat for a holiday and blah blah blah. What a load of shit! Who cares that it is a holiday? That’s no reason to go off the deep end! All those weeks, hell, months of fighting to get my weight down and I go and eat a disgustingly huge meal in a super short amount of time which will pretty much screw my body up and confuse the hell out of it – and instead of admitting to myself I was using this holiday as an excuse to cheat big time on my “healthy eating lifestyle” I kept tricking myself in to not facing up to what I was doing. I didn’t even have the guts to be a straight shooter with myself in regards to this little (huge) step off the path to the world of thin.

I would like to say tomorrow I will be back to following all the rules and everything will be good but I am gonna be at a friends place for a good chunk of the day and have no idea what is gonna happen with food. I mean, obviously I will eat before I go, and try my best to take a snack over but if I am over there long enough that we end up getting a meal, shrug, there is only so much control I have over where we go and what options are on the menu. I will definitly be reading the salad section of the menu though!

So, I don’t have points calculated for my food yet today but here is a list, I will add points when I have them…although, I kinda don’t wanna know…

1 Activia yogurt = 2 points

1 banana = 2 points

4 slices of pizza = ?

1 slice pumpkin pie with whipped cream = ?

1 can root beer = 3 points

Oh yeah, I didn’t even mention the root beer! I drank points! I never drink points! Since starting this whole thing the only liquid I take in is tea and water, oh and sometimes milk. I gave up pop but today, well, if you’re gonna be stupid might as well be stupid all at once I guess. FYI, that was the best root beer ever! I have really missed it. lol.  

So off I go to calculate my pizza and pie points…I will edit this soon.

EDIT:

omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomg I think I am having a bit of a panic attack, what have I done?!?! here are the points, keeping in mind they are approximations…not like that makes it any better tho…

The Pizza: the nutritional info is based on a single slice of a medium pizza, I ordered a small so my slices were smaller but I doubt they were so much smaller as to make much of a difference points wise, 1 slice = 4 points, omg, so that’s 16 points worth of pizza.

The Pumpkin Pie: I calculated the points on a slice of pumpkin pie from the nutritional info on a pie at the grocery store earlier in the week, it came to 1 slice = 6 points, crap, then add on the whipped cream which is 1 tbls = 1 point and I am in deep deep trouble, for the pie I approximated it at 10 points.

That puts me at a total of 33 points eaten for the day, 33! That is 11 flex points! ELEVEN!!!! Plus the one flex point I used yesterday, I have used 12 flex points in two days, omg. I might as well hit myself on the head with a hard blunt object for all I good I did myself today.

The only bright side I am finding here is I did get one measly piece of fruit at the beginning of the day with the banana, and I got some dairy in me with the yogurt. Plus, the pizza is topped with soooo many veggies that has to count towards my veggie count for the day. It doesn’t negate the damage I have done but at least while doing all that damage I was getting some good stuff. I am not counting the fruit/veg serving from the pumpkin pie, I am sure the healthiness was baked right out of it! lol

So what all this means is I have to be uber careful this coming week, no cheating, no little snacks here or there I shouldn’t have, no giving in to temptation at work – strict strict strict, and if I feel myself caving all I have to do is look back here and read how many points I ate in one day, one very low activity level day, that’ll keep me on track for sure!

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Double Tap

24 Sep

teehee, double tap has absolutely nothing to do with my post I just really wanted to type it. It’s from the movie Zombieland which I just finished watching and enjoyed. It was funny; not crazy funny, not laugh out loud funny, but funny.Ya know?

I am about to re-watch  The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo, seen that? I saw it in theatre and was floored by how amazingly great it was. I don’t understand why LA feels the need to remake the movie in english, what? Is all of north america so fricken lazy that they can’t read sub-titles?? This has become a pet peeve of mine, recently, as recent as oh, say, this past summer when I saw the movie in theatre. lol. I never really thought about it before but man, this movie rocks and should be allowed to stand on its own but for some reason they are gonna re-make it and since no other country has as much money to put in to a movie as the states it’s gonna get over shadowed, it’s just wrong. Luckily they have already finished filming the third in the trilogy so hopefully I will get to see the third in theatre before it gets shelfed in north america for the english speaking version.

And boy, that’s a lot of rambling about something that has nothing to do with my weight loss path…or does it? teehee. It is connected in that I love movies, could spend my entire day immersed in them and this I am sure has affected how I see the world, how I see people…how I see myself. I have crappy self esteem and a completely negative personal body image. I hate seeing myself in a mirror, in pictures…anywhere. I prefer going through my day not seeing what I look like – then I can imagine I look the way I feel I should look, the way my inner self looks. I think we all have inner selves but maybe you don’t, maybe it’s just me and I am a little bit weirder then I realized. lol. Don’t you have an image you think you project to the world in your head and every now and then you see yourself in a mirror and realize you are way off base? That the self-confident able to handle anything look you think you have actually looks like an overweight frumpy boring person?

Now, deep deep down I know I don’t look like a self-confident able to handle anything person, but I like to think I do and when I can’t see what I look like I can imagine I do…make sense? It’s all about tricking myself and I gotta say, I have gotten fairly good at it over the years. 😛 I am not one of those people who blames my body image issues on media, I don’t think it is the fault of movies or tv or magazines or books…sure most of the women I see and read are thin and beautiful in their own way but hey, I am working on the thin part and then, well, I won’t be beautiful but I will be quirky looking, thin and quirky…that’s a perfectly acceptable look, especially in the entertainment industry which I am hoping to break in to soon. Ya gotta work with what ya got, and ya gotta be honest about it…which means I have to be honest with  myself with what I will be cast as and a 5’8″ red haired blue eyed lady isn’t easy to cast, durn my red hair. sigh. I s’pose I could say “why wasn’t I born blonde?” but if I had my choice of any hair colour it’d be jet black and that’d be just as hard to cast as the red so ah well, I shall work with what I have. 😀 hmmm, all that sounds like a whiny babble and I s’pose it is but it doesn’t bother me all that much, not really. Sometimes I think about it, usually when it’s the day before weigh in day and I am inwardly freaking out about having to step on that stupid scale, but most days I can push it aside. 🙂 

I should stop looking at myself in the mirror in the bathroom, lol, sounds stupid I know but twice a day everyday I do a body scan, I turn, look at myself at different angles, try to see where the fat is coming off, and when I look in the evening I am poofier then in the mornings cause it’s end of day and this means I get all “it’s not working, I swear I am just as big as when I started…” blah blah blah. Seriously mirrors are bad bad things…maybe if the world got rid of mirrors none of us would have body image issues cause we would never really know what we look like…or maybe I should just not look in one right before I post cause man this did turn in to a ramble…oops…

Here’s what I ate today:

29 grams Honey Nut Cheerios = 2 points

1/2 cup skim milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

mixed raw veggies = 0 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 Lean Cuisine Honey Mustard Chicken = 5 points

1 english muffin = 3 points

1 battered frozen fish fillet = 4 points

1/2 cup mashed yam = 1.5 points

cooked mixed veg = 0 points

3 tbls Veggie Caviar = 1 point

20 Breton Minis = 2 points

This is a total of 22.5 points which would be perfect except that I am really hungry…hmm, don’t know what happened there. I should be fine, I ate spaced out meals like I am s’posed to but here it is 10:30pm and I feel like I could eat a meal…sigh. I know I have flex points and I am gonna hafta use some I just can’t figure out what to eat…I still have it set in my head to never ever use them so trying to figure out what to use them on is hard…what is really worth my flex points? The bigger question is how many of them do I want to use? Seriously, feel like I could eat a meal here but I don’t want to use that many this late in the day…must find a snack! Off to the kitchen I go…I’ll type ya after weigh in tomorrow…man, I shouldn’t think of that, now I want chocolate. lol. 😛

EDIT:

so for my snack I had 1/2 cup cottage cheese and an apple, that put me at 25.5 points for the day which is not so bad considering. 🙂

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All In One Meal

19 Sep

So I did a bad bad thing; I ate almost all my points in one meal. Oops! lol. It wasn’t even some kind of splurge thing where I decided to save my points so I could eat something really good it was just the day getting away from me and all of a sudden it is dinner time and I haven’t eaten anything.

When I went out to do a bunch of errands I planned on eating right after errand number two – that was Costco. Coscto is like a dream and a nightmare all at once – surrounded by so many things (you should have seen all the Christmas suff!) and yet, who needs to buy 3 jumbo sized boxes of Ziploc bags? Not me, I don’t even have space for them in my kitchen and yet they ended up in my cart, lol. I took them out of the cart before I got to the check out but something about that place, *shakes head*, I always feel like I want to buy so much more then what I really need. The high point of every costco trip is the hot dog…yup, you read that right! I always always always go to the eatery section and buy a hot dog and pop, I mean come on, it’s like $2 and the hot dogs there are sooooooo good! I don’t drink pop anymore but I figured I could still get the hot dog cause I only go there maybe once every 6 months or so and I hadn’t eaten anything yet today. Well, sadness, the eatery section is under construction so no hot dog for me. 😦 The bigger problem with the eatery being closed is that I had a bunch more stuff to do and no chance to get something to eat. sigh.

Luckily I had a little Weight Watchers Pretzel snack bag thing in my purse and a bottle of water with me so that held me over till I got home. The weird thing is that I kept thinking I should be hungry, I mean come on, it was like 6pm before I got home and ate but I didn’t feel hungry at all. I even managed to go grocery shopping and stick only to my list cause I just didn’t care about food. It’s so odd. When I got home I had my whole dinner figured out and I thought by then I’d be practically diving in to it but nope, I think I could have gone without eating at all and I’d of been fine…not healthy, but fine. shrug. If I wasn’t on weight watchers that’s what I would have done – not eat anything I mean. It’s not that big a deal, I used to not eat for an entire day or two I want to say all the time but that’s an exageration, but often. Now it’s ingrained in me I have to eat, even if I am not hungry, so I made myself a high point dinner and ate that and voila! I hit my points exactly. 🙂 Yah! lol

I don’t want to screw up since I had such a good weigh in yesterday…gotta keep on track! It’ll be easier during the week, as much as I am not looking forward to work least I know for the next five days I will be on a more structured eating timeline and that is always helpful.

Today I ate:

1 weight watchers Pretzel Thins = 2 points

2 timbits = 4 points

85 grams Alexia Yam Fries = 3 points

1 Chicken breast (stuffed with broccoli and cheese) = 7 points

1 cup kraft dinner = 6 points

Total points eaten is 22. I also had a corn on the cob and 1 tsp margarine with my dinner but the corn tasted funny. I am not sure how long it is meant to last in the fridge, it’s the last corn on the cob that I bought last weekend (there were four in a pack) and I have been eating them over the course of the week. I only took about two bites of it and decided to not push my luck so I am not counting points from it, shrug, too bad cause I really like it but it so didn’t taste like how it was supposed to! 😛 Speaking of how long food lasts anyone have any ideas about chick peas? I opened the can at some point during the last week…maybe last weekend…I really can’t remember, but I haven’t been eating a lot of them so I still have a bunch in my fridge and I am wondering how long I can keep eating them before they go bad…I hate how quickly so many foods go bad, sigh. I can never seem to eat things quickly enough.

I am still riding the high from having officially reached ten pounds lost so I wore a sweater/wrap thing I own that I haven’t worn in a while. I haven’t worn it for a while cause (1) it’s been summer, duh! and (2) when I bought it it fit nice, then I gained even more weight and it stopped hiding my bulges and started making me look like a big blob. sigh. I thought I’d give it a try today, see how I felt in it and how it looked. It wasn’t bad, it could be better but I was happy with it. It skimmed over me the way it is supposed to which was nice. 🙂 Makes me wonder what else in my closet I can wear now that I had gotten too fat for…guess I’ll just have to treat myself to an evening of trying on my own clothes and seeing how they fit…but not tonight cause the season premiere of Law and Order SVU is on in a half hour and I am gonna be glued to my tv for the duration. 😀

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Bad Tartar Sauce, Bad!

13 Sep

You know you have had a condiment for too long when it expired in 2009…that wouldn’t be so bad except I didn’t read the expiry date so I measured out my tartar sauce, spread it on my fish dinner and oh man was it bad. So so bad! Luckily I tasted a little bit on my finger and realized which made me immediatly start scraping it off my fish, lol, and put ketchup on instead. I think I got enough of it off cause it’s been an hour or so and no sickly tummy yet! I think I will just stick with ketchup from now on, it is way less points and hello? Ketchup, yum! 😀

I decided I had to find something good weight/body/self-image wise from the weekend to help balance out the negativity from yesterday – here is what I got…a friend I hadn’t seen in 6 months or so is in the city visiting and we got together for coffee, I had tea. I was wearing a warm hoodie and jeans, nothing all that special, and we sat around talking for a couple hours. When we were done we walked through the mall together till we got to the door I needed to get to my car, we hugged bye and he started feeling up my upper back (get your minds out of the gutter!), he was all “holy crap, you’ve lost a bunch of weight!” – I just kinda shook it off cause I was all depressed about my weight gain on the scale that morning but looking back I should be grateful. Someone who hasn’t seen me in a while didn’t see a difference in my weight but he did notice when hugging me, and that’s kinda cool. 🙂 He wouldn’t have been able to tell from looking anyways cause of the sweater so I am not ticked he couldn’t visually see a difference. Oh, and he whistled at my butt! lol. That was more of a joke but I will take what I can get right now. lol. See, that’s what happens when you have crappy self-esteem, you take what you can get and aren’t picky about it cause you don’t expect to get anything better then that. lol. 😛

So there we go, I am still pissed about the weight gain but I found a positive for the weekend too – balancing things out, ya know?

I had three comments on my ranting post from yesterday and all of them said eating more points is a good thing and will help me lose weight. sigh. I have trouble eating my 22 points a day so I don’t know how I am s’posed to eat even more food, oh dear. The comment showing the math really helped it all make sense, how I am eating 1100 calories a day and if I exercise and earn 4 exercise points and don’t eat them that means I am actually only eating like 700 calories that day and even I know that isn’t good!  I am not eating over my points today, I just can’t do it! It’s already 9:20pm-ish and I am soooo full but tomorrow I will try really really hard to eat some of my exercise points. I think I will take a bigger lunch…that might help…if I can manage to eat it all that is. lol. I have started to eat Fibre 1 cereal which is one point higher from the other cereals I usually eat so that’s good; I will just have to keep looking for healthy foods I can eat that are a tad higher in points. This seems twisted since I have spent all this time finding low point foods to eat but hey, I’ll see what I can do!

Today I ate:

1 cup Fibre 1 = 3 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 Prawn Salad Wrap = 3 points

1/2 cup cottage cheese = 2 points

2 triangles light laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 cup raspberries = 1 point

1 piece frozen battered fish = 4 points

85 grams yam fries = 3 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 thinsations Oreo Cakesters pckg = 2 points

That puts me at 22 points for the day which I used to think was perfect but now I think means I am not eating enough…talk about needing to re-program what I had just finished programming. Oy!

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Are you freakin kidding me?!?!?! Arghh!!

12 Sep

I am so pissed off right now, GRRRRRR!!!!!!! I was even madder earlier but decided a post full of swears and threats from me to me would not be entertaining to read so I waited till now, when I am marginally calmer…still grrr-ing tho, grr! 😛

Why am I mad you wonder? Well, let me just spit it out…I gained weight! Gained? GAINED!!!!!!! Arrggghhhh! After not cheating all week and adding in exercise what did I do? I gained, that’s right, my plateau is at week frickin four, 4!!!! This sucks. 😦

It’s enough to make a girl wanna quit and man am I tempted but I don’t have a back up plan, it’s not like I decided if Weight Watchers fails me I will go to Jenny Craig or Herbal Magic or some other program…this is it, all I got and doesn’t that leave me screwed? sigh.

Mom thinks I should eat more, she says now that I am exercising I have to eat more of my exercise points and some of my flex points cause my body is freakin out thinking it’s not gonna get enough food now that it is more active…I am not certain I believe this. I might give it some credibility except I have been plateaued for so long, no way am I putting even more food in to me when all my body is doing is staying the same or gaining, screw that!

I am not sure what I am going to do…I can’t quit the program cause if I do I will just go back to eating how I used to which means all the pounds I did manage to lose will just jump back on to my body but following the program doesn’t seem to be doing me any good these past four weeks…four weeks! That’s ridiculous! I am never gonna get thin at this rate, sigh.

Today I ate:

1 cup Fibre 1 = 3 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

2 pieces toast = 2 points

2 tsp margarine = 2 points

1 tbls raspberry jam = 1 point

1 timbit = 2 points

1/2 Fiesta Salad = 2.5 points

1 corn on the cob = 1 point

1 tsp marg for the corn = 1 point

2 Hershey Oh Henry cookies = 3 points

1 cup 1% milk = 2 points

1 pckg weight watchers Cheddar Twists = 2 points

So there we are, at my 22 points for the day not that it seems to be doing me any good. blarg. I also originally had a cup of soup with the salad and corn for dinner but it was so gross I only had like 3 spoonfuls of it and had to throw it out, ugh. It was Campbell’s Smoky Bacon Clam Chowder soup, I had never seen that flavour before and thought it sounded kinda good…man was I wrong! I really like soup and thought I would try it now in preperation for winter when thick creamy soups are a nice thing to have on a chilly evening but that is one soup that didn’t make the list. Ah well, gotta try new things to find out if you will like them or not. shrug.

Oh, and it seems all this time I was miscalculating the points for the Fiesta salad, oops! The nutritional info says the salad is 2 points for 100 grams and there are 4 servings in the bag, I thought this meant there are 400 grams in the bag at 2 points per serving, my math calculated the entire bag to 8 points and half a bag at 4 points…the math made sense to me. Well, I took a closer look at the bag and there is only like 326 grams in the bag…so 3 and a bit servings…hmm, who decided to do that? Eesh.  This means the entire bag isn’t even 6.5 points, it’s 6 and some random small number of points…uh, crap! How am I gonna calculate that? I have decided to  calculate the entire bag at 6 points and half a bag as 3 points…I figure guesstimating down is ok cause I don’t use all the toppings that come in the bag. There are two dressings provided and I only use one so that’s gotta take some points away, right?

So there we have it, I am still plateaued, no, not even plateaued since that implies I am staying the same, instead I am getting fatter…just frickin great! Some shrinking woman I am! Hopefully tomorrow I am over being so pissed off and my next post is not quite such a downer but for now, this is all I got…sigh…

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When are you fattest?

9 Sep

Weird question right? It is, I know it, but think about it for a minute. When do you feel fattest? Look fattest? I don’t mean when during a week or month – I mean within 1 day. Do you feel better about yourself in the morning, afternoon or night? Does how you feel depend on what you eat that day, or drink? If you exercised or not?

There are a lot of things that can affect how you feel and how your body looks at different times of day and in my opinion that just sucks. 😛

I always look and feel thinner in the morning – I think it’s because  (1) I’ve been sleeping for however many hours and my body has had a chance to do it’s thing without me stuffing food in to it (2) the body re-generates at night so it feels better (3) you shrink during the day and regain that height while sleeping so even though it’s only a small height change it can change how you look – at least a bit and (4) well, I don’t have a 4 lol, but 3 is pretty good. 🙂 Most of my list is a combo of facts from medical science and my impressions of how my body actually works. I have a firm belief that while all those experts out there think they know how everything works when it comes to peoples’ bodies they shouldn’t generalize their rules for everyone cause ya know what, those rules don’t work for everybody!

Oh yeah, I said it, the rules we all try to remember and live by when losing weight don’t always apply! Take milk for instance, it produces acid and irritates most stomach conditions – I have lots of stomach problems but milk always helps my stomach instead of making it feel worse…this goes against the rules. tsk tsk stomach! lol What about ‘exercising gives you more energy and makes you feel better cause of the endorphines’, well, ha-bloody-ha! Days I exercise all I want to do is have a nap or at least get to bed way earlier then normal, I never have more energy, and I am thinking my endorphines are broken cause they never kick in and make me feel better. lol. These are observations I have made over the years, when I actually pay attention to my body.

I think the most important thing is to always pay attention to your body, listen to what it is telling you before you blindly follow what some “expert” says, after all, that expert isn’t living in your body, doesn’t know how it feels and even if you were to tell them words can only really express so much, your words may not properly convey what your body is experiencing and then you’re really gonna be in a bind. Hmm, long ranting sentence there…sorry!

Since starting my “healthy lifestyle” I have tried changing a lot of different habits, I worked on them one at a time to give me a better shot of keeping the new habits but some of these things I am trying to do just aren’t working out so well. The main one is my liquid intake, all the “rules” say drink 8 glasses of liquid per day…everyone knows this rule, it’s so commonly spouted that as soon as someone says they want to lose weight they will be reminded by friends to ‘drink their 8 glasses of water’. I increased my fluid intake over a span of days and even now I still find it easy to forget and not drink the amount I am s’posed to. Couple weeks ago I realized that every night my stomach is more rotound (trying to find a nice way to say it. lol), basically, I was fatter at night. I felt more bloated, was physically rounder and wasn’t feeling great – not that I was feeling sick, I just wan’t feeling up to par, ya know? I struggled with this, didn’t want to blog about it because I thought it meant I was failing, I seemed to be getting fatter instead of thinner and could find no good reason for it. Eventually it came to me, I was retaining way more water then what my body needed and it was settling in my abdomenal area, ugh. I started cutting back a bit on the fluids and bam! back to being, well, not thin at night, but closer to looking like what I look like during the day. 🙂 I think I will always look fatter at night, it’s how my body is, once I get home and I know I can relax cause no one can see me (the roomie doesn’t count, sorry R!) I slouch and my tummy sticks out farther and I become totally comfie. Maybe if I tried keeping my posture and sucking in my gut when I wash up at night and see myself in the mirror I won’t look larger but I think I’d rather have my couple hours where I am totally relaxed and look a bit bigger then be sucking it in all my waking hours and looking that tiny bit thinner. Or is that just crazy? shrug.

I am not saying all the rules are wrong; I just think you should try them out and see what works for your body and what hinders. Eventually you will find a combo that makes you look and feel better. 😀 I am slowly finding my combo, I think it’ll take a while longer to get it down pact but that’s ok, that’s why they call it a “lifestyle change”, cause it takes your whole life to figure it out. lol.

Today I ate:

3/4 cup Almond Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 Shrimp and Scallop Pasta Bowl = 6 points

mixed veggies = 0 points

2 triangles Light Laughing Cow cheese = 1 point

2 hot dog weiners = 2 points

2 pieces bread = 2 points

2 cheese slices = 2 points

1 pckg Green Giant Essentials Omega 3 = 2 points

2 Hershey’s Oh Henry cookies = 3 points

Exercise Points Earned = 5

I ate 23 points but since I earned 5 exercise points I didn’t go over my food points in a bad way so it’s all good today! 😀

yum yum veggies

You may have noticed a new food in my list,  it is Green Giant Essentials, a new line of steamed veggies our fave giant has put on the market. They were on sale so I bought some, of course! lol. The first I tried was the Omega-3 it has carrots, cut green beans, zucchini, sugar snap peas and flax seeds with extra virgin olive oil and rosemary and it contains 0.1 g of Omega-6 and 0.5 g of Omega-3 per serving. I did not pick this one because of it’s omega stuff, omega shmega, I bought it cause I liked the list of veggies in it and the entire box is only 2 points! 🙂 I probaly should have just eaten half the box (100 grams) but I was hungry and I figured it was better to eat 1 more point of veggies then 1 more point of chocolate. lol. It was really tasty, and dead easy to make! Pop it in the microwave for 4 mins 30 secs then pour it into a bowl, stir, and there’s your vegg. You can also make it stove top if you don’t want to use your microwave…just sayin. shrug. I would definitly recommend these, be careful though, not all flavours are the same amount of points so check before you assume you know how many points it’s gonna cost ya. Oh, and the flax seed, not so bad…it’s the first time I have tried them and I learned they don’t really have a flavour, shrug, added an odd texture to the veggies but not a bad texture…just different. I think I may look in to sprinkling flax seed on other food items…after all, the “experts” do recommend it! 😛

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Work Luau? Aw crap…

21 Jul

Aloha

Sooooooo, work today, oh dear. The building I work in had a tenant appreciation day so they had a Hawaiian themed lunch party. I wasn’t going to go because I didn’t know what kind of food would be there but I had the absolute most boring salad in the planet for lunch and thought maybe I’d find some chicken or something that I could put on my salad. Ha! That so wasn’t gonna happen…well, it mostly didn’t happen. lol.

The main dish was pulled pork on a bun with your choice of bbq sauce or a honey something or other sauce. They had a vegetarian version which was a nasty boring looking veggie patties on the same buns with a cucumber dressing. Both were served with coleslaw and there was drinks and ice cream. I got the veggie pattie on the bun with some of the cucumber dressing, a tiny bit of the coleslaw and I couldn’t resist – I got a small bit of the pork with some bbq sauce on the pork on the side. Oh man, that pork and sauce was sooooooo good! I had a bite of the coleslaw cause I wanted to see what is was like – that makes it sound like I haven’t had coleslaw before, lol, it had cranberries in it and looked yummy so I thought a bite couldn’t hurt. I crumbled the veggie pattie and put it on my salad which meant I didn’t top the salad with the croutons or dressing I packed to go with it. Least when I added something I also took two somethings away, that’s good compromise right? Well, maybe not good but ok…:P

I was weak and ate half the bun, sigh, I know I shouldn’t have but I love bread – it is one of my biggest weaknesses and I totally caved. blarg! Aaaaand, to make matter worse, I had…an ice cream cone…I know! I know! I am hanging my head in shame still! I shouldn’t have done it, I don’t know why I did it, I wasn’t craving it, yeah it looked good but I have resisted other things that look good but for some reason I got it. It was like a pod person had control over my body…I went to the tent with the ice cream with my friends, stood in line, got my cone and ate it all without really thinking about it – I just went with the flow, wtf??? I think that is how I ate before, I just took food and didn’t think about the consequences. Not good! I may not have thought about the consequences when I ate that ice cream but I sure suffered for it later. 😛 After the lunch I felt fine, not full but not hungry – that weird feeling I am getting used to associating with having eaten enough but not too much; once I ate the ice cream my stomach bumped me up to the feeling of slightly icky, too full and a bit sick. sigh. I don’t normally have that reaction to ice cream so it’s not like an allergy or anything, it was my stomach letting me know I was an idiot and should have thought the eating of that cone through a little more. lol. Another consequence of that ice cream was it left me with a whopping 3.5 points for dinner! Can you believe that?? Luckily (I can’t believe I think this is lucky!) I was still feeling icky when I got home from work so I didn’t want anything to eat until later in the evening and even then I didn’t want a lot so I had some soup and popcorn.

I seem to be slowly falling off the wagon lately, first my screw ups on the weekend now this, I don’t understand what happened…I had been doing so well! I was strict with myself but didn’t feel deprived and I know me, if I am not strict I won’t follow through…I don’t think I have changed my thinking on anything lately – I still want to lose the weight, I still have all the same goals but something must be going on cause I am losing my follow through to reach my goals. sigh. Maybe it’s cause of the failed weigh in on the weekend and knowing that this saturdays weigh in will probably be wonky too cause I will have just finished my road trip and I am worried I will cheat while driving. That’s not completely accurate, I know I am going to be cheating because I am planning to stop at this amazingly great drive in on my way through Calgary called Peter’s Drive In http://www.petersdrivein.com/ they have the most amazing milk shakes on the planet and I only get one a year if I am lucky so I told myself  ‘screw the points, for one day you can have something absolutely horrible because of the kind of exception it is’ but now I am worrying about it…it’s gonna be a lot of points, how am I going to work this? Do I just not eat the rest of the day? I don’t think that will work…do I only eat veggies the rest of the day since they have no points? Do I eat normal and healthy and have the shake on top of that? I don’t know what to do!!! What’s the best course of action for this problem? None of the healthy eating books I am reading cover this dilemma, sigh. I guess I shouldn’t worry about it now, the problem won’t pop up until friday but still, sigh…

Here is my food from yesterday (since I forgot to post yesterday, oops!)

3/4 cup Red Berry Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 nectarine = 1 point

1 salad from Salad Loop

    – chick peas = 1 point

    – sunflower seeds = 1 point

    – 1 hard boiled egg = 2 points

    – veggies = 0 points

    – light ranch = 1 point

2 triangles of Laughing Cow Light cheese = 1 point

1 grilled cheese sandwich = 4 points

1/2 cup Sidekicks Honey Garlic Noodles = 3 points

1 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup blueberries = 1 point

1 oreo cakester = 2 points

1 cup 1% milk = 2 points

That is my 23 points for the day. 🙂 Least I got yesterday right! The Sidekick noodles were ok, not the best flavour but lower in points then the flavours I usually eat so that’s ok. The salad was absolutely delicious! Way expensive, sigh, I really like Salad Loop – it’s a good change from Subway but it can cost a lot if you’re not careful. I may buy sunflower seeds, they were a nice addition to the salad.

And my food for today…brace for it!

1 bagel = 4 points

1 teaspoon of margarine = 1 point

1/2 hamburger bun = 2 points

1 veggie burger pattie = 2 points

small amount of pulled pork = 1.5 points

bbq sauce = 1 point

1 cup strawberries = 1 point

2 triangles Light Laughing Cow cheese = 1 point

1/2 cup cottage cheese = 2 points

1 ice cream cone = 1 point

1 small scoop mango ice cream = 3 points

1 cup butternut squash soup = 2 points

1 package Jolly Time Kettle Corn = 1 point

That is 23 points, I am glad I was able to find a low point dinner so I didn’t go over. I had almost resigned myself to going over my points because I couldn’t not eat something for dinner then I realized the soup would be good and low in points so yah!

I have to do better though! Tomorrow is back to being strict! strict! strict! I watched Jillian Michael’s new show, the one where she lives with a family for a week to help them get healthier…I love her, she’s so awesome! Scary but awesome. lol. I want to meet her and have her help me get in shape and yet I am scared of her and wouldn’t want her yelling in my face. Her whole approach is break you down physically so you break emotionally and find the reason why you let yourself get big…I am not big (heh!) on digging that deep in to my psyche, I may never get back out again! 😛 Watching her do that to others though is quite entertaining and gives me ideas and tips, also, it helps firm up my resolve a little. I know I will never look like her but I can try to get to her level of determination and get my ass in shape! If she can make other tubs-o-lard get in shape then I can damn well get myself there! I hope…

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