Tag Archives: fat

A Slight Delay, sigh

18 Feb

Ok, so my plan for today didn’t work out but I have hope for later in the week, kinda lol.

I woke up this morning sick, ugh, talk about timing! My plan for today was to go to the gym after work, use my One Free Session coupon I printed off the website and assuming I liked the place sign up for a membership. I was so psyched for this (also kind of scared, but mostly excited lol). But yeah, so didn’t happen. All while getting ready for work this morning, and all during work I kept thinking maybe I’ll be ok by the time I’m done work, maybe I can still go! By the time I was done work though I was exhausted, and not the normal didn’t get enough sleep the night before exhausted but that lethargic tired you get when sick, and I was so so so cold and couldn’t get warm and my throat was killing me and…and…and…why go on listing symptoms right? We’ve all been sick so you know what was going on over here. Bleh.

I had no appetite all day but I made sure I ate a small breakfast and a provided by work lunch and I eventually managed to choke down some dinner. I’m pretty sure I could have gone the day without food cause that is how squashed down my appetite is but since I am trying to correct my not eating properly habits I figured it was better to force a mildly healthy days worth of food down my throat then not eat. Isn’t it feed a cold, starve a flu?…or something like that…or is it drown a cold as in I should have been drinking more fluids then normal? *confused face* hmm…I’ll have to google this cause I’m not sure which way it is supposed to go lol 😛

I am super annoyed that I didn’t get to the gym today cause I won’t have another chance to try until Wednesday, although maybe that is for the best cause that’ll give me an extra day to feel better…meh, whatever, I am still annoyed. I know some people think you should still work out when sick but I find that if I do that I take even longer to get better and the day after the work out I am in even worse shape then I probably would have been if I’d just stayed home and let my body rest. I figure each person has to figure out what works best for their body and go with that. 🙂

This cold is like a harassing little mosquito that won’t leave people alone. A couple people at work have also had it and it comes back, and back, and back! I was sick about two weeks ago, not so sick I was bedridden but sick enough getting through the work day was pretty hellish and on my days off I cancelled all my plans and just stayed home and tried to get better. I finally did get better, obviously, but then today was like some weird resurgence of the cold only instead of coming on gradually it hit me all at once. The same thing happened to two other people at work, they were sick with their colds 2-3 weeks ago and around the second week of being better they got sick again. So TF is sick again at the same time as me and CJ was sick for the second time last week, she said she only really felt sick for two days the second time around so I am hoping I only have one more day of this and then my immune system gets itself organized and kicks some invading microbes butts! *crossing fingers*

I don’t want all my plans to go out the window cause look at how long it took for me to stop being depressed about how I am and get motivated to change it! If I lose this momentum and end up down in the hole again thinking “what is the point so much damage has been done it is not fixable” can someone come slap me upside the head cause seriously, that is not a fun place to be. 😦

I did try to drink more fluids today but I don’t think I managed to drink as much as I normally do. See, I am a tea-aholic lol I drink tea like it is going out of style! I have a travel mug that I use at work that is constantly filled with tea, as soon as I finish one cup I make another, it’s like a never ending 8 hours of tea! 😀 Granted, I don’t drink it that fast cause the cup keeps it hot for a long time (the whole reason I use the travel mug and not a normal mug, sneaky huh? lol) but I definitely go through a lot of tea while working. Then when I get home the first thing I do is make a cup of tea and depending on my plans for the evening I either am out or home and if I am home I will be drinking more tea. Hey, there are no calories, it’s a fluid, holding a hot cup helps keep me warm-ish and I have English blood in my veins which basically means my blood is half tea 😉 being  a heavy tea drinker is practically my destiny lol. But today, I didn’t really want it as much. I wanted the hot cup to hold but that’s about it. My tea drinking was definitely not endless, shocking! When I got home I did have two cups of tea over the course of the evening and about a glass and a half of water, all of which were drunk in an attempt to make my throat feel better (fyi, totally didn’t work, sigh). As a result, now I am feeling mildly dehydrated and yet, my tummy doesn’t want anything in it so I guess it’ll be a battle of the body systems, wonder which will win? Will the body parts that want hydration be strong enough to tamp down the upset tummy feeling long enough that I will be able to drink some more water or will the tummy win and the water be a no-go mission? Ooooh, the suspense! 😉

To be honest, right now I don’t really care, about the missing out on the gym or the possibility of being able to drink something or anything cause I feel like crap and the only thought I have in my brain right now is going to bed…which is where I am headed riiiiiight now! *yawn*

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A New Start

17 Feb
I'm the pink bird...

I’m the pink bird…

I have been feeling like that pink bird, all round and fat and failing at losing weight…not even just losing weight but maintaining my weight, watching my food choices, getting daily exercise…a failure at every aspect of my so-called healthy living lifestyle. I’ve gone a bit off the deep end lately with trying extreme things to get back on track and ya know what? None of those extreme things worked, shocking right? 😉 lol They didn’t last, how could they? They didn’t get me results, even if they had they’d of been false. They didn’t make me feel good, both physically and emotionally. I wasn’t giving my body what it needs to function at peak efficiency and then  I was somehow surprised that I wasn’t getting the results I wanted? *sigh* How dumb am I? 😛

Well today I took the first step towards fixing this. What was my step? I went shopping! 😀

Yes, shopping. You read that right lol. But it is what I went shopping for that matters.

I hit up Popeye’s, the store I buy my protein powder and other supplements from, I haven’t been there in aaaaaages! I was almost out of protein powder right before I moved and decided to wait till I had moved to buy another container cause those containers are just too big and annoying to want to deal with when moving lol. Buuuuut, after I moved I never got back in to my exercise routine and my eating habits changed and before you know it I’d stopped even pretending to try to remember to go buy some more powder, epic fail on my part. While picking up the protein powder I also got my NutraSea Omega Oils, normally I get the one with Vitamin D in it but the one without Vitamin D was on sale so I went that route. I figure summer is eventually gonna get here and I’ll get enough Vitamin D then lol 😛 I also bought something I have been hearing great things about, its called VegeGreens, it is a powder that you can put in your protein shake or add to a glass of juice or water and it gives you multiple veggie and fruit servings without having to eat all your veggies and fruits. Now, I know some of you might be thinking “why not just eat the veggies and fruits? it’s got to be the healthier more natural way to go!” and you know what, maybe you’re right, I can’t say for sure because this one time I leaped before doing all my research but I’ll tell you why I decided to try it. I don’t get all my fruits and veggies in a day that I am “supposed to”, I fall quite short, when I am following my eating plan my veggie and fruit intake is guarded because of how many carbs are naturally occurring in them. Also, I just don’t eat that much food, that’s right, I confess! So sue me, I don’t eat enough food in a day that I can fit in all the fruit and veggie servings the Canada Food Guide says I should have as well as all the protein and dairy and blah blah blah...it’s too much freakin food! lol I had been toying with starting to take a multivitamin but I don’t agree with multivitamins and after speaking to a doctor I am even more convinced I don’t want those in my body but this product is all natural and sort of like a better version then a vitamin…theoretically! I’ll give you an update on it once I’ve been taking it for a while, let you know what I think of it. Cause we all know my opinion matters! lol 😉

So that was Stage 1 of shopping…yup, there were 2 stages! Two! Yah! 😀

Stage 2 was hitting up Walmart, it was originally going to be a trip specifically to buy the ingredients needed to combine with the protein powder and omega oil to make my protein shake but they were having some really good sales so I also bought some other healthy foods that I am quite excited about! 🙂 See, part of the shopping is for powders an stuff, the rest of the shopping is for food, normal food, healthy food, food I’m not embarrassed to have in my shopping basket…it’s been a while. I used to go grocery shopping and actually feel a little smug about how I had only healthy items in my basket and other people had cookies or crackers or chips or cakes or some seriously processed foods of some sort. Oh how the smug have fallen. *sigh*shakes head in shame*, lately when I do shop what I have been buying has not been anything to be proud of. But that changed today! I bought some fruit, fresh and frozen, frozen veggies, almond milk and real milk, healthy soups, skinless boneless chicken breasts, cottage cheese, all kinds of yummy good for me things! 😀 I actually took a picture of everything I bought today after work, take a look:

The results of my shopping today

The results of my shopping today

Doesn’t it look great? Well, think what you want, I think it looks great! 🙂 In case you are wondering, I only bought the already sliced mushrooms cause they were on super cheap, and I also got the chicken for the same reason, it was a good sale day at Walmart. 🙂

The soups aren’t strictly in my eating plan, ok, fine, they aren’t anywhere near to being in my eating plan lol but I am trying to be a little less dictator-ish and a little more realistic this time. There will be days I don’t have time to cook the chicken, days I don’t want to eat the fish that is already in my freezer, days I am tired, or running late or just plain ol lazy. Those days I will lean a bit on what is technically processed food and therefore supposed to be forbidden but is on the healthy end of the scale for processed foods and items I feel aren’t that bad for me. The soups I bought are all vegetarian, loaded with veggie servings (ya know, those things I never eat enough of? lol) and tasty. They are all soups that I could eat when on Weight Watchers, heck, I could have the entire can or box of soup and not blow my points out of the water if I had wanted which is probably why I still feel they are ok to eat now. Unfortunately the real world doesn’t always go as planned, and those soups are for those days. A decision I feel comfortable with. I may change my mind a couple months down the road when I’ve been eating healthier, maybe they will become a thing I can’t tolerate anymore, who knows? I can’t predict the future so I’ll just have to wait and see what happens.  🙂

Stay tuned to find out what I am doing tomorrow to continue with My New Start! dun-dun-dun *teehee*

 

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Dreams

12 Feb

Dreams.

We all have them, some people don’t remember them, others remember in vivid detail. Sometimes they tell great stories, help you sort through something you can’t face when awake, scare the crap out of you or are just plain weird.

I am a master of weird dreams, no seriously, I have always had vivid weird dreams. They usually turn in to nightmares at some point, you wouldn’t believe how many ways and times I have been killed in my dreams, sigh, those dreams I don’t like, duh. The other dreams though, usually those I like.

My dreams are always a story, shown in chronological order that I remember in vivid detail for a couple hours after I wake up. If I make a point of remembering a dream then I’ll remember it longer, if I don’t dwell on it then it fades by about hour three of my being awake and I don’t think of it again. I’ve never been able to continue a dream the next night which is annoying when I am woken mid dream and don’t get to finish a story lol I wonder if anybody else gets annoyed over that?

Last week I had a dream where mermaids are real and were portrayed much the same way vampires were in the Blade movies. So, limited numbers of humans know about them, they operate sneakily in our society, they are like a sub-culture that if you discover them odds are good you are gonna die. In the dream, the mermaids had learned of a way that they could walk around on land for limited amounts of time which meant they could basically mess with people and then escape back in to the ocean. Mermaids are also basically one big mafia group so in my dream two cops were chasing a group of 4 people through a store, wanting to arrest them when they realized they were being lured in to a bad situation and lo and behold the guys being chased turned on them, shot them all and then dived in to the conveniently placed ocean where they turned in to mermaids, reported to the head of their organization (which, fyi, was Ariel from the Disney movie lol) and well, it kept going from there but you get the idea. lol.

This, in my world, is a fairly normal dream, least I was on the planet the entire time in this dream…I’ve died while saving the starship Enterprise D from exploding…yes, I watch Star Trek, no I don’t look like I do. 😉

Why am I going on about dreams? Simple. I had one last night that was about my body and it freaked the hell out of me!

I was going to work out and hadn’t done so in a long time, for some reason I took a pair of capris I use in the summer to wear while working out. I was with a bunch of people, my mom, close friends, a random grouping that will most likely never happen in reality as they don’t all live in the same city. We were all changing to go run on a track (something else that would never happen lol) and when I put on the capris they were oh so tight that I could barely close them and when I looked in a mirror I was horrified by how I looked. Not only were they super tight I was way bigger then I am now, a completely different body shape then what I have ever been, I was super round, super large and round all through my torso. I am far less accepting of flaws in myself then I am in others and I started panicking about how I had let myself go. I put on a loose fitting shirt to try to hide how bad the fabric stretched across me and all I could think was “start running! start running! all you need to do is start working out and it’ll go away!” in my dream I knew with that certainty you can only have in a dream that all I needed was one good workout and it would all go away and the capris would fit properly again.

Oh if only it was that simple, *big epic sigh*

In reality, I am horrified by how I look right now, and sometimes I do feel that all I need is one really good session in the gym to alter how I feel about how I look but I know it will take more then that. I hate that it’ll take more then that since I am a needing instant results kind of girl lol. You’d think after my nice an slow, healthy weight loss I’d be used to not getting instant results when working on my body/health but…I’m not! lol 😛

I think this dream was my unconscious mind bringing to my attention just how unhappy I am with how I am looking right now. The dream exaggerated how large I am, and exaggerated how I feel about my looks and exaggerated how easy it would be to fix what my laziness and then not being allowed to exercise due to my car injuries has done to my body. I was at a point where I was proud of how defined my arms were, how perky my ass was getting, how my thighs were noticeably thinner, how my cardio numbers kept improving and my strength was increasing. Now? Now I am nowhere near proud. In fact, I am terrified about how long it will take to get back to where I was and then keep improving.

I so desperately want to go back to the gym, I finally got clearance from my physio (admittedly for a way limited exercise regime but whatev! it’d be exercise!) but I can’t afford even the cheapest of memberships because of having to pay for twice weekly physio sessions. It’s driving me insane! I do what I can at home but it’s not the same as having access to a treadmill and free weights and a freakin bosu ball, how insane is it that I want a bosu ball so so so much?! lol I keep thinking once my physio is over and I have money again I should look in to investing in to some work out equipment so I’m not so reliant on access to a gym to get to use decent equipment buuuuut once I have money again I have other things it has to go towards and oddly enough, bosu balls are kinda pricey. *rolls eyes*

Ah well, I know I shouldn’t bitch and complain about it, there are lots of people out there who have things a lot worse but some days I just get so frustrated with how stuck I seem to be. 😛 But hey, I won’t be stuck forever right? 🙂

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So Far Not So Good

30 Jan

Ok, so I wrote in my last post about how I bought actual real food from the grocery store and my goal for the week is to eat in more then I eat out and to actually cook meals not just eat peanut butter out of the jar and to have an actual breakfast, lunch and dinner daily that involved food groups and were well balanced in every sense of the word…wellllll, I may not be doing so good with that, oops!

In my defence, it’s only partially my fault…oh who am I kidding, it’s all my fault lol. 😛

Yesterday I slept in so didn’t eat anything before I ran to physio, after physio I got a hot chocolate and an apple danish from the coffee shop near my physio because I was starrrrrving! then I did errands (all pertaining to my cat) and got my butt off to work. Exciting huh? Since I didn’t have time to eat breakfast I sure as heck didn’t have time to make something to take with me and eat at work so I ate a slight variation on what was made in the kitchen that evening. I ended up having two crab cakes (I said I only wanted one but I have noticed that chefs seem to all have this crazy urge to over feed you, sigh) and a nice big salad, yum!

Then today I woke up sick, ugh, not crazy flu sick but definitely sick so I ended up staying home in an effort to baby my body back to health, here’s hoping it works! *crosses fingers* Oddly enough, I ended up eating three meals today! Three! In one day!!! It’s like the world has tipped on it’s axis or something! For breakfast I had a piece of chicken, mixed grilled veggies (there were zuchinni, red pepper and onion) and sliced yam, it was all quite yummy! Lunch was a bowl of shreddies cereal with a cut up banana on top and dinner was a grilled cheese sandwich with a tuscan tomato and basil bisque soup. I love that soup! I buy it at Safeway in the deli section, Mmm! Normally when I am sick I don’t eat, I just have no appetite and even less energy and I basically just don’t wanna lol but for some reason today I decided screw it, even if I am sick and I don’t feel like being in the kitchen I have to eat and why not do my best to eat proper meals and not just snack on some carrots.

So sure, the grilled cheese sandwich doesn’t fit in to the new rules I gave myself about what makes up a meal but hey, at least I ate and didn’t starve myself right? I feel like I should get points for that even though in reality I know I won’t lol

I am thinking though some slight changes to my rules might be needed…originally I decided I had to have three meals a day, breakfast could be small (I’m not a big breakfast person) so maybe some fruit and yogurt, simple ya know? Then lunch and dinner both had to have a protein and some veggies. I had to make the food more often then I bought a meal and, um, I think those were pretty much all my rules. Buuuuut, on days I work I can eat at work and generally the meals are healthy and with minor variations fit in to my rules for having a protein and a veggie so I’m thinking on work days if I eat the food from work it shouldn’t count against my rule for cooking my own food more then eating out cause, well, it’s made from fresher ingredients then anything I make, there will be a protein and a veggie serving and it’s only costing me $2…this is my thought on the matter, I’m still pondering it though so I may yet change my mind, we shall see!

As for today, I was inside all day sick which means nothing of interest happened so I have no funny stories to regale you with. The cat seems quite happy I spent time at home today, I was pretty much pinned to the living room chair all day by his body being sprawled across my lap while he slept, it’s good to know I have a purpose in this life *rolls eyes* lol

Here’s my inspiration for the day:

Sacrifice is giving up something good for something better!

So put down the cookie and go for a run, throw out the bag of chips and buy some fresh veggies, remember that what seems like a sacrifice today will one day be a habit you don’t even think about. You’ll stop hitting up the fast food joints and automatically make your own healthy dinner, you’ll stop reaching for the chocolate when you’re sad and automatically lace up your runners. You’ll reach your goals, and have the healthy body you want, and you’ll wonder why you put up such a fuss about giving up those mass produced cookies. What feels like a sacrifice today is actually you making the choice to do what is right and healthy for your body, you are putting you first, and that’s where you should always be!  🙂

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I’d Forgotten

28 Jan

I have been banned from exercising, which is sorta why I stopped blogging…again, sigh. I was in a car accident right before my bday and Christmas and got some oh-so-wonderful neck and back injuries from it which has caused my doctor and my physio to say I’m not allowed to do anything more strenuous then walking…oh, and the limit to the walking is that I have to go slowly and for short distances. Laaaaame! 😛

I HATE it! I can’t believe I became that person that misses going to the gym but, I am totally that person. 😦

I tried to compensate for the restriction in my exercising by cutting way way way back on what I am eating…which led to me going for days with maaaaaybe a proper meal being eaten over the span of every two days or so and then caving on like day 5 and eating pretty much anything I could get my hands on, effectively screwing over my weight loss efforts. *rolls eyes* I just kept thinking “stop eating! for the love of carrots stop eating you have no way to burn it off!!!” so I scared myself in to not eating, or barely eating, and then I’d be so hungry for so many days I’d eat waaaaaay too much and then feel horrible about myself because I over ate a meal. Guess I can’t start wondering where my metabolism is since I just knocked it on its head and it is now slumped unconscious to the side of my body. *groan*

But! My physio said I could go snowshoeing as long as I stayed to the path…which yeah, ok, kinda makes it lame snowshoeing cause who wants to stay to a path? But hey, I’ll take what I can get…and surprisingly, even sticking to the path I got a good workout and had fun! 🙂 I went with some of my friends from dragon boating and I felt like such a lard ass! Usually I have good cardio and am decently good at endurance but over a month of no exercising has killed killed killed that! I am so bitter about that! I worked hard to get to a level of cardio I could feel proud about and now that is gone…I sure hope it doesn’t take as long to get back as it took to get in the first place…

The craziest thing happened after the snowshoeing though, something I had forgot about, I felt…brace for it!…good about myself…craaaaaaazy times over here! 😉

Since I haven’t been able to exercise I have been feeling like I am getting fatter everyday, and I’ve been feeling really down about myself, my stupid ass solution to feeling down was to eat badly. I got in this rut of “who cares, I can’t exercise anyways, I’m disgusting and fat, just keep eating, what does it matter…” fairly blah uninteresting thoughts (hence the no blogging about them). After snowshoeing though I was all “yup, worked up a sweat, burned calories, had fun, wanna do it again” and all of that turned in to feeling good about how I spent that day…a feeling I haven’t had in quite a while. I guess, without my really noticing it, things had pretty much gone to shit over here. Stuff bringing me down that I can’t control, and then also me bringing me farther down by not giving my body the proper fuel. So, instead of eating healthy normal portions of healthy normal foods and at least keeping the chemicals that pump out of my brain nice an steady I was eating junk that gave me sugar highs and lows, made me feel heavy and lazy and slow and once the high wore off from eating them I had the double whammy of feeling bad about my actions and feeling bad because of what the food was doing in my system…talk about a wicked bad cycle!

So there I was, after snowshoeing, headed home and I had to detour to the grocery store because I needed milk for tea lol Oh me and my tea! 😛 I decided to make an investment, an investment in myself and I bought groceries, real groceries, real foods that aren’t processed, in boxes, filled with extra sugar and salt and who knows what. I bought fruit, veggies, milk (hey, a girl still needs her tea! lol), yogurt (the healthy kind) chicken and then even more veggies lol I haven’t had a proper grocery shopping trip since before I moved in to this apartment (which fyi, was Nov 1/12), rather pathetic when you think about it!

I used to cook everyday, I always cooked my dinner, and my lunch was (when I was working) cooked by me the night before and later (when I was laid off) cooked by me the day of…breakfast was usually fruit with a side of fruit and maybe some yogurt or before I cut back on processed foods I would have a measured out portion of cereal with a measured portion of skim milk on it. There were healthy snacks thrown in there too by the way. I had a plan back then, a plan I followed, I maintained, I lived with. Sure there were some concession to my social life (I was that person who snuck fresh fruit in to the movie theatre and would grab a 6″ subway sandwich instead of getting sushi with my friends) but somehow I was able to look at the big picture, see that the small sacrifice now would be worth my greater happiness later. What happened to that? *raised eyebrow* Where did that go? Somewhere along the way I stopped being proud that I had lost over 30lbs in a healthy maintainable way and all I started focusing on was the amount of weight I had left to lose. The more I focused on that last 15lbs the bigger it seemed, the bigger I seemed in the mirror, the harder it became to accomplish, the farther away that end goal was. Eating stopped being about eating tasty healthy foods that were good for me and became about restricting and punishing myself for eating at all. I don’t like the outlook I have on food anymore, I don’t like that I see it as an enemy, something to hate, something to feel negatively about every time I eat (whether I eat healthy or unhealthy). This isn’t a battle I can win, I will always need to eat, it’s not exactly a substance I can quit. But now I have to learn how to come to terms with food, how to get back on a healthy level with it and remember that when I eat healthy meals consistently and exercise consistently (once allowed that is) I will feel better about myself, I might even start to feel confident again…after all, I have lost over 30lbs, which compared to where some people are in their weight loss journey doesn’t sound that impressive, but I can’t compete with them anymore, I can only look at myself, just do better then yesterday, push that little bit farther when working out, eat a little bit healthier, cut out a bit more of the crap food that I don’t really need, find my balance again. I had it before, now it’s time to get it back.

So now that I am stocked up on healthy foods my new goal is to cook more this week then I eat out or not eat…does that make sense? I want to make my meals more often than not and they need to be healthy, balanced meals. No more having ten baby carrots and calling it dinner after having no breakfast and a small bowl of cereal for lunch…my plate will have a protein, a veggie and well, ok, a protein and a vegg…I don’t eat rice or pasta or potatoes (unless they are a treat!) cause I cut waaaaay down on grains etc but a protein and a veg for lunch and dinner plus a real breakfast of maybe some yogurt and fruit (or something like that), that is my goal, to have that more often then not this week. I already know that a couple of the days will be hard to manage just cause I have a crazy schedule this week but that is where pre-planning comes in to play right?

Huh, this post became way more serious then intended, I was just gonna yap about how good I felt after snowboarding and how that inspired me to get healthy food in the supermarket, didn’t mean to go all woe-is-me I’m all down about myself on ya…I’ll be cheerful again next time…most likely! lol 😉

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I Threw It Out

23 Dec

I can’t believe I did it, I actually threw out a donut, a fresh purchased from Tim Horton’s less then 2 hours earlier donut…it was a vanilla dip with holiday red and green icing on top, it was so pretty…or was before it had an unfortunate encounter with a book, oops!

Here’s the deal, I was at the airport with my cat, my whiplash and my muscle strain trying to figure out if I was hungry or not. I had a while to go before boarding but the food court was starting to close (quite early in my opinion) and I was left with making a rushed decision about food. I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry at that moment in time but figured once I got through security and was cut off from the various food sources in the airport my hunger would kick in and I’d be pissed that I chose to not eat. So I did what any self-respecting Canadian would do, I went to Tim Horton’s! 😀 Ordered a sandwich and on a whim decided to get a donut as well, I wanted a steeped tea but was about to go through security and knew I wouldn’t finish it in time and No Way am I throwing out a cup of tea!

Once the cat and I got through the ordeal of security (fun fact, you have to take the cat out of the carrier and walk through the metal detector while holding the cat so that the cat carrier can go through the x-ray machine…not that I would let my cat go through the x-ray machine but what genius *read that as moron!* came up with the idea of taking a terrorized cat out of his carrier in the middle of a busy airport???) *shakes it off* anyways! Once we got through that and were settled at our gate I decided it was din din time, Mmm! Timmy’s sandwich here I come! It was good, as I knew it would be, I got the turkey chipotle on brown bread, can’t go wrong there! 🙂

I had started debating about the donut, regretting the purchase, thinking I shouldn’t have done it, it was late-ish evening so I shouldn’t be having so much sugar, I wasn’t hungry now that I’d eaten the sandwich and I’m heading home to a bday dinner (mine), a xmas dinner (with the family), and multiple eating out situations over the course of the next week…do I really need to start my week of food-related-activites with a donut? That donut might be the item that tips the scale, that takes me from eating a bit too much to complete over indulgence, it might be the starting point of a horrible food week versus a not perfect food week…I know I know, that’s a lot of pressure to put on one little donut but I have found that the way you start a vacation is how you tend to maintain and end a vacation…it’s all about habits ya know?

So I pull the donut out of my purse (uh, it was in a bag of it’s own, not like it was loose in the purse lol) and realized my book squashed it! One whole section of it was smooshed almost completely flat! Poor donut. 😦 Now yes it was still edible, and some foods, oddly enough, are more tasty when slightly destroyed or just plain messier (like burgers, a burger tastes best when it is messy, I don’t know why, it just does, shrug) and I’m absolutely positive that donut would have tasted delicious but instead…I threw it out. Didn’t even feel a twinge of regret. Sure, I wasted the money I spent buying it but luckily donuts are cheap and if it’s a choice between wasting a bit of money and saving myself un-necesarry calories, well, I’ll save the calories everytime!

Here’s to having a great birthday (today) where I don’t feel I ate too horribly (home made stir fry for dinner thanks to my mom) and homemade birthday cake to go with it (hey! birthdays deserve dessert!). I may go a little crazy on xmas day but hey, I managed to throw out that donut so maybe I won’t? Guess we’ll find out! lol 😉

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I Forgot Wordless Wednesday!

13 Dec

Geez, it would have only been my second Wordless Wednesday and I forgot it! Does this mean I am destined to not do Wordless Wednesday in the future? Nah, I think it’s just cause it’s a new thing so I have to get used to it…I hope lol

Yesterday was Wednesday, duh, so I was supposed to take pictures of what I did and ate that day so I could show you instead of tell you…well, that was an epic fail if ever there was one, sigh. Too bad too since I had an awesome lunch! I was at the mall with a friend and we stopped at the food court for lunch. Now don’t go getting all “uh-oh, you screwed up didn’t you??” cause I didn’t! So there! 😛

I went to one of those grill places where you pick your veggies and protein from fresh raw selections then they grill it in front of you using a hot grill (shocking huh?) and a bit of water so it doesn’t stick, they then add the sauce of your choosing (I chose teriyaki) and was pleasantly surprised at the minimal amount of sauce the guy used, then it is served with some rice. Not so bad huh? I was heavy on the veggies but did put some crab, tofu and beef in there cause hey, ya gotta have some protein! I can’t remember all the veggies I chose, I love places like this though cause sure I can make a stir fry at home but somewhere like this has every veggie you could think of so you’ll have way more variety for your meal. I won’t remember them all but I know I had: carrots, zucchini, green beans, water chestnuts, baby corn, pineapple, bok choy, mushrooms, yellow and red peppers, celery…hmm, I know I am missing something, meh, it’ll come to me later probably. I also put some peanuts on there cause I am weak and I love peanuts in stir fry. 😀 All in all tasty and (I think) healthy.

The rest of the day was spent hanging with my friend at the mall, we were Christmas shopping, then coming back to the apartment to check on the poor cat. Oy! The day prior was his first visit to the vet, er, first visit since I have known him that is, I’m sure he was taken prior to our meeting. Well let me tell ya, this cat does not like going out of his comfort zone, he’s a bit of a worrier, hides a lot and has really sharp claws…not a good combo for stuffing him in a cat carrier and driving him to see a vet he’s never met. Oh, and he’s quite dramatic, if this cat could write he’d be writing his story and it’d be coming off as a Greek Tragedy! I of course would be the villain…despite my feeding him, changing his litter box, buying him treats and toys and a bed, moving when he wants the chair, letting him have half my bed even though he weighs ten pounds and I weigh, er, let’s just say I weigh considerably more then ten pounds 😉 lol shrug, he’s adorable though, so oh well, I may bitch but I love him (which really means I am whipped and he knows it!) So yes, I had to check on him cause he was still recovering from the ordeal of the vet. He was extra clingy so I cancelled my evening plans and stayed home with him, I figure he’s my cat right? I took responsibility for him which means when he is not in top form and wants comfort I stay home and be there for him. He’s lucky he’s cute! lol

Not the most interesting day out there, I guess it’s a good thing I didn’t try to take pictures of the day cause what would you have seen? Mall Christmas decorations, my lunch, the cat, um…that’s about it, oh well, dinner, wait, did I have dinner last night? hmm…I had the stir fry, oh! I had a totally delish small milkshake, so because of the milkshake I didn’t do dinner…so yeah, not a lot of great pictures would have come from yesterday. I’ll attempt to make next Wednesday mildly more interesting so I have some decent images to upload.

For today I have to tell you about a yum dinner I made, a salmon steak with maple smoked apple something or other sauce with roasted sliced yam and roasted red and yellow peppers on the side. It was tasty and, the best part! *drumroll* I cooked it myself! Yeah, that’s right, you read that right, I cooked it! In my kitchen, with my stove, served on my dishes! Perhaps this is the start of getting back to normal eating? I’d like to think so. 🙂 Tomorrow I can eat dinner at work but I’m going to attempt to remember to cook an egg for breakfast, here’s hoping I remember and don’t automatically go for a Clif Bar lol. 😛

Oh, a little sidenote, I was watching the movie Oceans 12 today (watched Oceans 11 last night) and seeing Brad Pitt eating something totally delish looking in every freakin scene has totally made me hungry! So not fair! Grr Brad Pitt, Grr! (I don’t really mean the “Grr” I still luv ya! lol)

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Apps for Weight Loss Part 2

10 Dec

Finally! The second Weight Loss App blog review, I know you were all just diiiiieing for this! 😉 lol

This app is so much fun it makes me want to go to the gym just so I have an excuse to use it, talk about weird motivation to work out lol This app is:

Gym Goal

Because you’re wondering, it is free. I’m pretty sure there is an upgrade option so you can get it without ads but that would undoubtedly involve money and I am cheap…and poor… 😛

When you open it up the home screen gives you options to look at your workout routines, your history, a list of exercises for cardio and strength training, a body map, your measurements (eek!) and tools. There is a 4 step process that the main page tells you to follow, which I have partly done…hey, I said it made me want to go to the gym and workout not that I’d had time or the ability to get to the gym and workout lol It wants you to enter your workout routine (you can custom make one or tell the app what you want to focus on and accomplish and it will create a routine for you), place the routine into the front page schedule, log your workout and use the history button to track your progress. Fairly simple.

At first you might be all, so what? I can put in my measurements and it can help me design and track a workout, big deal, I could do that!

Here is the fun part!

It has videos showing you how to do all the different exercises, er, the weight exercises that is, not the cardio…if you can’t figure out how to run by now, well, I worry for you and not about your fitness level…

Soooo, if you hit Body Map it brings up a picture of a guy but it’s a muscle view, not a look-he-has-skin view, then you pick a body part and it brings up a list of exercises for that muscle. It gives multiple options for the same exercise, by that I mean for arm curls it gives you the option to choose arm curls with: barbell, cable, cable one arm, dumbbell incline, dumbbell seated, dumbbell standing…it continues on with different types of curls (ex. concentration, preacher etc) but I’m sure you get the point. 🙂 From there, I can select any of the versions of the exercise I am interested in and it will take me to a video that shows a guy (with skin and clothes this time!) performing the exercise you chose. The video plays in a loop until you tell it to stop and the dude moves decently slow so you can really see the form, there is also a written description of what you should do which will also help you get the right form.

There are also little things like daily tips, one is a Fit Tip, one is a Muscle Tip (well,  today anyways, I can’t remember if the tips are the same topics daily, guess I’ll find out tomorrow lol) todays tips are both things I already know but having knowledge re-enforced can’t be a bad thing, right?

In the tools section you can do all your backing up to server stuff but you can also read articles on how to work out to build muscle, how to work out to rid yourself of fat and information about protein…all good types of info to have access too. 🙂

In the measurements section you (obviously) can put in your measurements, not just for the normally measured body parts but also things like your neck, shoulder, forearm, wrist, calf…probably more important if you are looking to build muscle but also good if you are looking to lose weight cause if you are tracking not just via a number on a scale but by inches lost this will give you a better picture of where you are losing. There is also a lil camera icon so I’m thinking you can take a pic of each body part to help with the tracking of progress. A little lower down that screen you can put in your One Repetition Max, Target Heart Rate, Body Mass Index, Basal Metabolic Rate, Total Daily Energy Expenditure and Body Fat Percentage. Some of these provide you with information on how to officially get the data, like the target heart rate it says to get the Max Heart Rate you should ask your doc for a cardiac stress test, it also says if you want to do it yourself get a doctor’s ok first (I’m thinking because you’re kinda killing yourself to get this info and I guess if you fall off the treadmill cause you’re having a heart attack they don’t want to be liable lol). Some of them you just have to enter info and it will calculate for you, so, for your BMI you put in your height, weight and age OR your weight and body fat percentage and boom! BMI right there on your screen. Easy peasy!

This app is a lot of fun to play with, and when I discovered the videos showing the different exercises I was psyched, that was when I got all I wanna go to the gym now! The reason? Simple, my form when using free weights is always something I worry about so having the written description and the video to help me with that makes me want to go to the gym with my phone and see if I can perform the various exercises the way the information says too lol. I guess  I want to compare myself to the dude on the screen, *rolls eyes* go ahead, call me a geek, see if I care lol 😉

I tried the option of letting the app pick a work out routine for me, I told the app I wanted a full body workout, intermediate level, with free weights and I liked what it came up with. Most of the exercises it picked I know how to do and I agree they are what I need to be getting back to doing. There are a couple I am not familiar with but that’s good I think, I get to learn something new and I’ll be working muscles that I was possibly overlooking before…ok, to be honest I don’t think I was overlooking them cause the exercises it chose that I haven’t done work out muscles that I work out using different exercises, but like I said, change is good. 🙂

This app has a lot to play with and I’d recommend fiddling around with it for a couple hours or so to fully understand it and be able to utilize it to its full ability, or as full of an ability as you want to lol. I know there is a timer in there so when you’re working out it can let you know how long to rest between sets, I’m thinking I’ll find that when I actually you know, work out and tell it I am working out lol

There we have it, the two apps I am going to be using in an effort to get myself back on track with my weight loss and physical fitness. They are both fairly easy to use, informative, fun-ish and if you actually work out and use the apps I bet they will both be helpful…I can’t claim that yet though since I haven’t ya know, been using them all that much yet…oops? 😉

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Different People Different Portions

6 Dec

I find it interesting how who I eat a meal with can affect what I think a proper portion of food is. I know that all food can be measured out and the “real” proper portion size found but that doesn’t usually happen when eating in a restaurant or at a friends place or when a friend is eating at your place…in fact, there are a lot of situations where you can’t actually measure/weigh the food so you have to eyeball it and hope you are sorta right. Usually in those instances I tend to eat less just to be on the safe side, after all, I’d rather go a bit hungry and know I didn’t eat a ridiculous amount of food then feel overly full and wonder just how many calories I consumed…but that is not how everyone approaches food.

I ate lunch out today with three friends, my credit card was very happy that it was considered a “working lunch” so one of the guys paid for everyone so he can write it off in his taxes, go taxes! lol The group of us went for sushi and there I am reading the menu, my eyes being immediately drawn to some of my favourite dishes and trying to decide what to order. My first thought was I’d get some agedashi tofu (spicy of course!), sashimi and a sushi roll. Thank god I didn’t order first! The first person to order got a mango and avocado salad, now, we all know a salad in a sushi restaurant is not like a salad in say, Original Joe’s, her salad was super duper tiny, just some slices of fruit piled on top of each other with some sprouts underneath…not my idea of a salad but oh well. Thing is, when I heard her order that and only that I was all “oh crap, I can’t order three things, I’ll look like a freakin pig!” The next person to order got two sushi rolls and some miso soup, that made me feel a bit better, least she got two things (three technically cause she got two orders of rolls but she got the same kind twice so it doesn’t feel like it should count somehow…) My turn! Big breath, I can do this, I can order without looking like a pig, right??? I got an appetizer sashimi and one sushi roll, phew, that’s not so bad, go me! 🙂 The fourth person ordered two rolls I think…so, except for the person who just got the tiny salad we all got roughly the same amount of food, and of course in the spirit of sushi we all tried each others – don’t you love that about sushi? 😀

Afterwards though it really got me thinking, some friends I know would have looked at what we each individually ordered and been appalled at the lack of food. They would have ordered 3-4 items for themselves and expected everyone else to do the same, and even then they might still order a second round of food later because to them, that is normal portion sizes.

All foods are like this, not just sushi, people have different ideas of what is a “normal” amount of food to order or cook and it can be hard when eating with someone who has a drastically different portion size in mind because either someone ends up feeling starved or someone ends up feeling obligated to eat more then they want…neither is a good spot to be in. You’d think people could just be happy with letting the others at the table eat the amount they are comfortable eating but nope, generally that doesn’t happen…why can’t that happen??? *confused face*

I can actually divide the people in my life via portion sizes ordered/eaten at restaurants. It’s kind of funny, and really indicative of what career path that person has chosen. Everyone I know who acts orders small, just like today at lunch. We are all actors, we all have to think not only what do we look like in real life but on camera and so we all tend to order small. I think actors also tend to be more cautious about what they will eat in front of other actors just because you don’t want to be judged or thought negatively about because you ate too much. Hey, it’s a visual media, it’s just how it goes, shrug. But my friends who don’t act tend to order/cook larger amounts of food. So, when I am with my non acting friends if I am not careful I tend to match how much I eat to how much they eat which in the long term? not a good way to go. In the short term though, sooooooo nice to order a pasta dish and not ask for half of it to be automatically put in a to go box and to get a salad with dressing (even if I do put it on the side lol) I love going out to eat with my friends who aren’t going to look at my plate and judge me because I ate everything on it, or who might raise their eyebrows at me because I ate carbs, or used dressing or whatever. At the same time though, some people I know push food at me and it makes it really hard. If food is pushed at me I tend to eat even less of it because I don’t like having someone trying to force me to eat an amount of food they think is right. If my stomach holds less than yours, or I am less willing to overeat at a meal or eat a meal sized portion of something that is bad for me I don’t want you demanding, forcing, cajoling me in to eating more then what I say I want. Just respect my food limits and maybe I’ll stop judging you for eating what I think is way too much food. 😛

Sorry, this turned in to a bit of a rant and I didn’t mean it to, food is just a sensitive subject with me and since I’ve been trying to get my food balance back lately I’ve been more aware of just how out of whack it got due to the influence of others. Not cool. 😦

I know some people say eat whatever you want as long as you work it off, that is a myth and not a healthy way to live. Stuffing your body is not good for your body, it over taxes your system, you store too much of the food as fat (even if you don’t look fat you can have health issues related to obesity because you are a skinny-fat person…hey, totally a real thing!) and to top it off over eating messes with the chemicals released in your brain and your energy levels and all kinds of things. I know under eating isn’t good either but that’s why I am trying to find my food balance again, I used to have it, in the old apartment, when I had my eating plan and exercise routine all worked out…I’ve really got to get back to that because this up and down way of eating I am doing right now isn’t any better for me then under eating at every meal or over eating at every meal. Man, it sucks that food can be so hard sometimes, sigh.

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The Skinny on Juice Diets/Cleanses

3 Dec

Ok, let me warn you right off I have no solution for this debate, the end of this post will not reveal the amazing truth about juice cleanses and if they are actually good or bad, this is really just me yapping about them and trying to figure out just how good or bad they might be…

The idea of doing a juice cleanse/diet came to me when out with a friend last night, she had read up on one (I’m not sure which specific one) and was saying how she was going to do this for a month or so just to get rid of that final bit of weight. Now, she is not fat, nowhere near! But like me she acts which means there is even more pressure to be super thin then what the average non-acting person feels, which is pretty freaky when you think about how much pressure the non-acting person feels, especially women, but that is a topic for another day! 😛

So, she’s talking a bit about this and it got me thinking, maybe that is what I need, something drastic, something I have never done, something that will get me over that bump in the road, and hey, even if it doesn’t work no damage done right? Welllllll, maybe not “right”, maybe, depending on which article you read, maybe really wrong! Oh dear.

I’ve read a whole wackload of articles, checked out a bunch of websites (that seem to be run by fanatics from one or the other side of the juice fence) and have ended up confused. What the hell? I am an educated, decently smart, grown woman, and yet, I can’t figure out which articles to put more faith in, which side to give my vote for, how is this possible?

Well, it’s possible because nobody seems to want to give an unbiased opinion or refer to unbiased research or references. The topic of juice cleanses/diets really seems to bring out the fanatics and everyone knows you can’t trust them, anyone who claims anything is all good or all bad and has no wiggle room and isn’t open to listening to other opinions is not giving you the whole truth, how can they be when they are blocking it even from themselves?

Which means, brace yourself for this, I’m on my own when it comes to making this decision, *dun dun dun* This is not a good place to be! If so many of the articles I read hadn’t said that doing a juice cleanse doesn’t only slow down your metabolism but can also stop it almost all together (a sentence that made my blood run cold!) and that your body starts using your muscle to feed itself (which means all that weight work down the tubes!) aaaaand that you only lose water weight which you will of course gain back once you start eating like a normal person again (or as close to normal as you get…although, with how obese North America is what is normal and do we want to be eating that way? hmm…) well, then I’d be jumping on the bandwagon no problem. I have no issue doing something that may be considered an unhealthy way to lose weight, I’ve done the healthy route, I lost a bunch of weight that way and am keeping it off (which is awesome) but I’ve been stuck at this weight for a year and no matter what healthy route I try nothing happens (or what does happen is so tiny of a change and reverts back if I even so much as look at a cinnamon bun) that there doesn’t seem to be any point, sigh. The problem with healthy routes to weight loss is that they are intended to get you to a healthy weight, well, I am technically aiming for being underweight (hey, don’t judge me, that is the industry I am in) and I’ve finally come to the conclusion that to get to a weight that health people say is unhealthy (I’m only talking like ten pounds underweight people so don’t go freaking out or anything as you read this) I’m going to have to do something unhealthy. I don’t know what took me so long to come to this conclusion, why I didn’t see the logical route to my goal a year ago, but I see it now. 🙂

The articles still don’t help me though…I am so pumped full of health and fitness information from all the books, articles, websites etc I researched and studied since starting my weight loss journey that I read the deets on a juice cleanse and all I see are the ways in which it is bad for me *rolls eyes* All that sugar, ugh, no protein, hmm, fruit and veg have lots of carbs, oh dear…and what about food groups? and portions? and sustainability? (by that I mean, can I do a juice cleanse everyday for the rest of my life? uh, by the way, the answer is no!) How is this a good option? What weight I do lose won’t be “real weight”, it’ll be water weight and loss of muscle mass, which means as soon as I start eating again, even if I eat super duper healthy my body will be so happy to have food in it again and so worried I might turn in to an evil dictator and force it to survive on just juice again that whatever I do eat will be tucked away as fat and held on to for dear life. Erg…

But! My brain keeps thinking, if I can manage to lose even just 5 pounds doing a juice cleanse who cares where the weight came off it’s off and surely there is some way to keep it off, extra gym sessions or cutting back on calories or something…

I keep circling around the same pro and con arguments in my head, I know logically why the juice route won’t help me long term, but I also don’t care about long term, I care about now and right now I need to lose ten to fifteen pounds and this seems a quick route to do it…yin and yang, up and down, black and white, I could argue both sides of the juice cleanse/diet for hours and still be nowhere…told you I wouldn’t have a solution for you! 😉

Lil sidenote, something I found entertaining, an article I was reading that was listing all the reasons juice cleanses/diets are bad had an ad on the side for some pomegranate drink that will apparently make me look better naked…gotta love the health/diet industry, even while they are saying a certain system doesn’t work they are making money from that system via advertising or whatnot. 😛

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