Tag Archives: weight loss

Well, I Tried, Kinda…

13 Dec

So after my not very fun last post I decided I need to stop screwing around and get with the program again, I don’t mean get with the Weight Watchers program specifically, more of getting with the Healthy Lifestyle I am trying to create for myself. Course, that being said yesterday I under ate again, *rolls eyes*, more out of habit then anything else I think…

Today I made an actual meal, a proper dinner, with food groups an everything! I haven’t done that in ages! I had a skinless boneless chicken breast, corn and green beans and cut up pan fried (with one of those healthy sprays not butter) sweet potato. See? Food groups! 😀

I know stomachs don’t actually shrink when we stop eating as much as we used to, they just get used to being filled to only a certain amount and apparently my tummy is not used to being filled by a proper dinner amount of food anymore cause I couldn’t finish my dinner. Oops. I ate most of it but some of the veggies ended up in the fridge, along with some of the chicken…I managed to eat all the sweet potato, shocking huh? 😉 lol

This might seem like a great step towards eating normal, healthy portions again buuuuuut that’s pretty much all I have eaten today. I had part of a pear for breakfast but it tasted funny so I stopped eating it, that’s totally my fault as it’s been in the fridge quite a while lol. After the pear I had 3 peach halves from a can of fruit I opened the other day, which, really, is like eating 1.5 peaches so that’s pretty good, right? Maybe? Sorta? teehee Um, anything else? Oh yeah, I had a spoon with a bit of light peanut butter on it and a bit of nutella on it, lol. Normally I would at least of put that on some bread but I have run out of bread and am contemplating not buying more since I go out of town in 6 days. I know I could put it in the freezer before I leave and that way I will have bread when I get back but I dunno, just hasn’t happened yet, shrug.

I figure eating a proper meal is a good step towards eating properly again, now I just have to manage to do that more often then not lol.

I didn’t get to the gym today but I did spend a good couple hours scouring the kitchen. See, the people who lived here before us apparently didn’t mind living in filth, ugh, and since my roomie an I are not the most on the ball people when it comes to unpacking, organizing and cleaning we are still working to make this place pretty…or at least sanitary lol. I thought she’d be a lot more “we must clean! we must clean!” cause of her daughter but nope. Of the two of us it seems like the mess here bothers me way more then her but I refuse to do all the cleaning, and organizing, and setting up in the shared rooms when it should be an equal work shared situation, in my opinion anyways.

Well, people are coming over tomorrow evening and she swore she was coming home today to do some massive cleaning in the living room etc. I figured I’d be nice and clean the kitchen…uh, I guess I should admit my car insurance guy was coming over today to give me the papers for the new year and I didn’t want every room he saw to be messy so I figured clean the kitchen and dining room areas and keep him sorta confined there and I wouldn’t be so embarassed lol.

I digress, oops. The point of all this is that sure I didn’t get to the gym but I was moving the fridge and the stove and on my hands and knees scrubbing the floor, cleaning every surface, moving stuff around to make the kitchen look neater, I was working not just sitting on the couch reading a book and chilling with the cat…much to the cats dismay I might add. He kept looking at me like “what the hell are you doing woman? this is our cuddle time!” lol, poor cat. I wouldn’t say I earned any kind of impressive amount of exercise points but I was slightly active, so yet another step towards getting back on track with my Healthy Lifestyle. Woohoo!

On a totally different note:

I received a comment on my blog from a girl named Amanda who is working on her doctoral dissertation, she needs volunteers to do an annonymous survey about if your partner undermines your weight loss. I followed the link she put in her comment and it seems to go to a legit page. When you’ve done the survey you can enter a draw to win $100. I don’t meet the criteria for the survey (you have to be in a current relationship for min 2 years and be on your weight loss journey for 5 consecutive weeks) but doesn’t mean some of you might not want to participate and be eligible, shrug.  Here is her link:  http://tinyurl.com/Clark-Study.  I kinda wish I could read the dissertation as the topic is interesting.

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Where’d The Time Go?

11 Dec

No, I am not dead, missing, working full time, quitting my blog, abducted by aliens or anything else you might have come up with in the time I have been gone from my blog lol. 😀

I am just a lazy schmuk who couldn’t think of a thing to write about so I didn’t write. shrug. Nobody wants to read a post about how I slept in, went to the gym, didn’t track my food or exercise points so have no idea how I did for the day and then hung out with friends in the evening, heck, it’s my life and I’m not particularly interested in it some days lol 😛

Everyday that nothing of interest happens and I don’t post I think “tomorrow, I will for sure post tomorrow” and then tomorrow rolls around and I don’t post and I think “tomorrow” again and then all of a sudden it’s been 2 weeks and I’ve written nothing and I’m almost afraid to log back in to wordpress cause what if the people who follow me quit following me and now my blog is (metaphorically speaking) taking up space in the closet of rejected blogs that I imagine is on the wordpress server somewhere gathering dust? Depressing.

Looks like my talent for a loooong run on sentence has not been hampered by my non-writing for the past two weeks though…gee, aren’t we all glad about that? 😉 lol

I’d love to be able to tell you that something amazing, momentous, fabulous, exciting, heck, even mildly funny happened in the past little while but it has not…life has entered, not a rut buuuut a little cycle of monotony and dare I say…boredom? Which even saying that isn’t right cause I’m not really bored, just not doing anything super post worthy. I guess this is what happens when you are unemployed, can’t afford to do anything and trying to stay in as much as possible to (1) keep the cat company and (2) save money. sigh.

I haven’t been tracking, I’ve been a renegade Weight Watcher mwahaha (that’s my evil laugh, aren’t I so bad? 😉 ). I haven’t weighed in for over a month either. Oh, and while I’m being all confessional my work out routine is sooo not dependable, some weeks I go 3 times or more, other weeks I’m lucky if I go once.

Why have I stopped following all the guidelines and rules and plans? Especially when I know they work? I’m not totally sure…I mean, I kinda know but I’m sure there is more going on then I am aware of. I find it takes the passage of time and the ability to look back on a period of my life that gives me the best insight in to figuring out what the heck was going on with me at that point. Too bad I can’t fast-forward, find out, then rewind back to here and have the knowledge lol. Time travel anyone?

I’m not eating properly, I know this, and yet I don’t track so that I can hold myself accountable and stop what I am doing with my diet. You might be thinking I’m over eating so much I’m embarassed and am fast approaching the Good Year Blimp size but you’d be wrong, I’m actually under eating…not good! In my head I know it’s not good, but, also in my head I think it’s ok. My head is screwy. lol. I shouldn’t joke, for some people this is a serious problem, I’m hoping for me it’s a temporary thing…

I don’t under eat everyday, for instance, today I over ate, great huh? If I am meeting up with friends for a meal I am eating around my daily points that day because I am ordering healthy when I go out and compensating for the restaurant food by being super duper strict the rest of the day. The exception to that would be this evening when I went to a Thai restaurant for a friends birthday dinner. I wanted to get the black cod, it sounded super healthy and yummy but was over $20 for the dish, I so can’t afford that, instead I ended up with the Pad Thai for $12, I love Pad Thai so this was not a sad swap taste-bud wise but no way in hell is that dish healthy *rolls eyes* so today I definitely over ate. erg.

But see, I under ate quite a bit for the past, oh, three or four days (and I exercised) so in my head I feel that things should somehow balance out…and yes, I know that is not how it works!

On days I under eat I don’t feel like I am being deprived so I don’t really notice that I’m not eating properly or enough food unless someone points it out…although lately, when going to bed I feel hungry so I suppose the lack of food is starting to make my stomach mad lol. I also get some perverse feeling of strength when I am hungry at night, like “look at me and my rockin willpower that I didn’t cave and eat more food” and when I am eating I am eating smaller portions and that weird perverse feeling of strength kicks in then too, like “look how awesome I am I’m not eating more then this small portion, I’m so strong when it comes to food”.  And don’t even get me started on what goes on in my head when I am exercising! *rolls eyes*

I know part of why I am not eating as much is because I so desperately wanted to be at my goal weight when I went home for Christmas, but it’s not happening. 😦 I was back in AB last summer and people were all “you look so great!” an such, which was awesome to hear but when I look in the mirror I don’t see how much I have lost, I see how much I have left to lose. I see the flaws, the flab, the non toned body, the areas I am still ashamed of, I see all of the fat. I thought by now I’d be there, I thought I’d be maintaining and not still trying to lose, I thought I’d be able to go home and show off how I look and say “hey! look! I actually did it! I got to my goal weight!” instead I will be going back looking the same as when I was there in the summer. Same clothing size, heck same clothes, same points per day allowed for food, same comment about how I’m still working to get to my goal weight and am hoping to be there soon (all said in a falsly cheerful tone to every single person I hang with cause they all ask), same me.  Aren’t I supposed to be the super improved skinny version of me by now?

I know that not eating messes up my metabolism, I know it makes it harder to lose weight. I know that compensating for this by pushing myself extra hard in the gym is not the right approach. I also know that this is what I have been doing the past couple weeks. I started the under eating cause I was sick, once I got better I kept it up and added exercise to push my body into losing faster. It’s not working. I know it’s not working cause my clothes still all fit the same and I look the same and I know that I shouldn’t of expected some great change to happen in a measly two weeks but I’m so sick of looking like this, sick of this plateau, sick of people asking me how much farther till I reach my goal and my having the same answer as last time they asked. Sick of thinking just this many more fucken pounds and I will be happy. As if reaching a certain number on the scale guarantees personal happiness? I also know that is not right.

It would appear what I know and what I deep down believe are two very different things and I don’t know how to get them to reconcile in my head. As long as I was losing weight I was able to follow the Weight Watcher plan because it was working and I could see a difference so that change of number on the scale helped me to not revert back to bad weight loss habits. Even before the move, when I was still following Weight Watcher’s properly I had been plateaued for such a long time I was massively discouraged. That plateau, combined with other things, has gotten me to a point where subconsciously I seem to be saying “screw the healthy way, take the extreme way cause at least you know in the end that’ll work whereas Weight Watcher’s has failed you”. But Weight Watcher’s didn’t fail me, I failed the program by not being able to get past the plateau, regardless of who failed who I am still stuck at this current weight and going home in 8 days looking like this.

And wow, didn’t this post get dark fast? *rolls eyes*

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Things I Don’t Even Think About Anymore

22 Nov

I was texting with a friend today who lives in AB, she’s one of my closest friends and it sucks that we live far apart now…yeah yeah, I know, it’s my fault since I’m the one that moved but whatever. So, NH is someone who matters so so so much to me but she is driving me abso-frickin-lutely nuts in one aspect of life and there is nothing I can do about it, arg!

NH is quite large, she’s always been a bit bigger, nothing horrible but over the past couple years she’s gone from being a bit bigger to being so large that I fear for her health. She’s about half a year older then me so she’s in her early 30’s and all I think when I see her is she’s gonna be a statistic for young(-ish) women who die early from obesity related medical problems. I hate it! I want to shake her and make her take better care of herself, I want to breath down her neck 24/7 and insist she make better food and activity choices, I want to be rich so I can hire a platoon of dieticians and trainers and life coaches and force her to get healthier. I don’t care about her size for any reason except for how it affects her health and I care about her health because I am selfish, she is my friend and I want her around for a long long time but the rate she’s going I’ll lose her earlier then needed and then I’ll have to bring her back to life so I can smack her around and well, that’ll just be messy…and weird…

She’s large enough that her doctor prescribed her some weight loss pills that are freakin hard to get without her even asking for them, the doctor saw she needed to lose weight and seemed to think putting her on medication to help jump start the process was the way to go. I could have told her to save the ink with which she wrote the prescription cause I know NH, I know she won’t take those pills and I was right, sadly. She says she kept forgetting or not getting around to it, she also is a big user of the phrase “I’ll start on Monday”, the amount of times she told me she was gonna start taking those pills the following Monday is ridiculous…and she never took any of them. I don’t judge her for not taking the pills, a lot of people are uncomfie with diet pills, but she didn’t take them because she doesn’t want to face her weight or that she should lose some of it, she is really good at just ignoring what she doesn’t like…and really, I can’t judge her for that either cause I am the same way lol

I had a little tiny light of hope inside me that if I lost enough weight on Weight Watchers she’d see the difference when I visit, and hear me speak about how easy the program is and she’d realize she could do it too. I guess I was hoping I’d lead by example…stupid. No matter how many times I’ve visited, how many times she’s seen me getting smaller, how many times I talk about my healthier eating and portion control, how many times I suggest we do active things when I am visiting,  none of it matters, she just keeps going on the path she is on.

So, back to today when we were texting, I was on a bus and I made a comment about how some guy on there had KFC and it smelled oh so good and oh well it’s too bad I don’t eat fast food anymore. Not that I was a huge KFC fan back before my Weight Watchers days, it’s more like I knew back then I had the option whereas now I don’t consider them an option no matter what the circumstance, they are just gone from my list-of-places-to-get-food-from-list that is in my head. Her comment was that I had good willpower lol. I responded saying somedays it was hard but the only fast food I allow myself is Subway and it’s always a 6″, always on the 9 grain bread and always from the low cal sub options (usually the turkey, loaded with veggies, topped with mustard and half the normal amount of the light mayo), I stressed the subs are always so tasty and I’d rather eat that then something from McD’s etc that will leave me feeling ick even though I really miss McD’s, *big epic sigh*

That got me thinking though, about how rules I created for myself when I was starting Weight Watchers have become so ingrained I don’t even think about them anymore. I used to have to work really hard to avoid the fast food places, especially McD’s – they are a huuuuge weakness of mine. But over time, I stopped having to work at it, I just don’t go to those places anymore. If I am out and get hungry and can’t make it back home so I can make my own meal I don’t think “oh, guess I’ll pick up a burger!” I either starve till I get home, buy a bottle of water, get gum or go to Subway. I also got in to a habit of packing little snacks in my purse and a bottle of water if I am going to be out for longer then a couple hours as a just-in-case…that has saved me so many times! lol But see, there is another rule, the bring-food-with-me rule that I don’t even think about anymore, I just do it.

Some other rules I automatically follow are: get off the bus early and walk a bit extra, have half my dinner plate be veggies, use the small plate not the big plate for my meals, drink more water then anything else (sometimes I swap out tea for this but come on, tea is water…with flavour! lol), when I eat out get them to automatically box up half the meal before it’s even brought to me, put salad dressings etc on the side and dip my fork in, order from the healthy section of the menu, eat fish before chicken and chicken before beef and beef before pork and veggies before all of those, have a little nibble everyday of something that tempts me so I don’t feel deprived (I buy Weight Watchers 1 point little chocolate bite sized thingys – they are like baby peppermint patties and baby bounty bars, omg so yum!)

I made these rules so I wouldn’t screw up when I was first starting out on my weight loss journey, now I don’t consider them rules, just ways of being, ways of living, shrug. My friends that I hang out with all the time know I will sit with them if they want to grab a bite to eat somewhere unhealthy but I won’t eat there. I’m perfectly happy to sit and chill while they chow down on some McD’s or Burger King or whatever just as long as they are ok with stopping at Subway afterwards so I can grab a bite. This works for us, and hasn’t caused an issue yet, which is nice. 🙂

I wonder, what rules I live by now that in a years time I will no longer consider rules but ways of living…kinda makes me want to come up with some snazzy new rules just to see how long they last lol. 😛

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Those Sooooo Weren’t Healthy

13 Nov

I had the most oddly delish pancakes today, Mmm!Mmm!Mmm! 😀

I went for brunch and got Pear and Coconut Pancakes – pear and coconut infused pancakes, topped with sauteed pears, a lime mascarpone cream and drizzled with house made vanilla syrup. There were 4 nice an thick pancakes on the plate when it was served – can anyone say “goodbye flex points and daily points!” oh, don’t forget to wave madly as the points go bye-bye lol. 😉

After eating 2 of them nice n slow so I could savour them I was stuffed, hmm, that should be Stuffed with a capital S cause man I was sooooooo stuffed. After two pancakes! Crazed! I was grateful though cause not like those suckers are good for me in any way. lol. I ate the remaining 2 later in the evening for dinner and that was my entire food allotment for the day…not including a hot chocolate (so shoot me, it was chilly out!), a cup of tea, some diet coke and now some water…least I got some fluids in there…right?

I just did a points check on the pancakes and frankly, I think I was better off not knowing – what the hell does the restaurant put in those things? OMG. The fiber is 5, so yah! The calories are 1170, so holy F! And the Fat is 56, kill me, *groan*. That is a whopping 27 points, 27! It’s like I can feel my arteries clogging up a little bit more with each passing minute and my ass getting wider the longer I sit here and type. *double groan*

How do people go to brunch every week and not get obese? ugh.

We did go for a walk after brunch, we were both full and wanted to walk it off a bit, it was a very slow walk, we didn’t go all that far and we stopped and just watched the boats on the water and the moutains in the distance for a good chunk of it…so really, I guess we didn’t walk so much as meandered then paused then meandered to the little shop we got our hot chocolate from lol. Does meandering count in the battle to burn off the amazingly high amount of calories just eaten? I feel it should but I’m pretty certain that is wishful thinking lol. 😉

I had intended to exercise in the afternoon but that didn’t happen, sigh, so I’m for sure gonna hafta do something tomorrow to make up for this disaster. *rolls eyes* I hate make-up-for-disaster-food-days exercise routines, they are always harder, double sigh.

I haven’t really started tracking yet even though my life is getting a little bit more settled since the move…the oven still doesn’t work, huh, just remembered that, I’ll hafta call the building manager tomorrow…but despite the slightly more settled aspect to my life I am still not tracking, still not exercising (except for boxing twice a week – and only once last week cause of the holiday) and still not eating properly…I know this even though I am not tracking cause I am at least sorta trying to track in my head and everyday I know I am not doing a very good job food wise. blarg.

I think tomorrow will have to be a fresh start, I’ll start tracking again, start making healthier food choices, start exercising in some manner everyday…just start doing all the things I know I am supposed to be doing but stopped cause of the move.

So, since tomorrow is a fresh start I think I will no longer regret those yummy pancakes, they were unknowingly my last hurrah before getting down to the serious business of making myself thinner before I go home for Christmas! Only 36 more days…crap! Only 36 more days??? I didn’t realize it was so close! This really is crunch time! lol 😉

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Never Ending Books

7 Nov

I am a reader – I blame this on my parents. I also blame my freakishly good manners, my willingness to try pretty much any new food and activity and my love of tea on them but those are beside the point. lol. 😉

I grew up in a household where it was common to hear the sentence “go and play” or even the almost unheard of today “go outside and play”…yup, that is right, I was not raised by the tv or by video games or by computers, I was raised by my parents and the automatic assumption I had a brain and imagination and could therefore entertain myself for hours on end. It was a good system. 🙂  I have so many fun memories of me playing with other kids, me playing with my toys by myself, just of me playing and really, isn’t that what childhood is supposed to be about?

Not all of my childhood was playing, obviously, I mean I did have to go to school, and do chores and be a brat lol. But something else my parents did for me that I’m not sure is being done for children quite as often anymore is instill in me a love for reading. I got books as presents, my parents would read to me all the time, we went to the library often, heck, in the summers I joined the kids reading club where you were challenged to read certain amounts of books from different genres and you earned stamps in a little booklet to show when you reached certain checkpoints in the challenge. That love of reading has intensified the older I get and I realized when unpacking and setting up my bookshelves that I am a book hog. Yup, that’s right, I own a freakish amount of books considering the amount of space I have to store them.

I am a firm believer in re-reading a book, after all, if a book is good than it is good enough to be re-read and with some books the more you read them the more you get from them. Like Memoirs of a Geisha (which I read before it was made popular via the movie thank you very much 😉 ) I swear, everytime I re-read that book I notice some new detail, I enjoy even more the poetry that is used to create the story, it’s a beautifully written book and so many images are invoked in my brain while I read it. I can see so clearly in my head visions that match what I am reading (there goes that imagination again) that it’s like watching a movie of the book without all the missing parts and added scenes you get in actual movie adaptations.

This wonderous love of reading, the enjoyment I get from a story…this I blame on my parents…and if you follow my logic here that means I can also blame them for the freakish amount of books I now own and the fact that everytime I finish unpacking a box with books in it and finally figure out a way to fit them on my bookshelf and am so happy I am done with that section of my new apartment set-up I manage to find yet another box full of books! You wouldn’t believe the amount of times I’ve opened up a box over the past couple days and sworn in a manner befitting a sailor (or perhaps pirate?) because I’ve found even more books!

I can’t be mad at the books though, at those wonderful pages filled with all those interesting characters that provide me with some mixture of entertainment, education, suspense, horror, joy, wonder and more. So, instead, I will blame the parents…and perhaps my inability to not buy what I am always sure will be a good book! 😉

On the Weight Watcher’s front I have essentially stopped tracking. 😦 Not on purpose, exactly, more out of sheer frustration. My kitchen is still not set up, sigh, my roomie finally moved her stuff in this past Saturday but then left immediately so we did no set up. She came back today but only worked on her room. She says she is coming back tomorrow but we shall see…In case you’re wondering why I don’t just set it up myself it’s cause she assured me she has just as much kitchen stuff as I do so we have to go through both of our kitchen inventories to see what we should use of whose and what should be packed away and put in storage cause there isn’t room in the kitchen. There is no point is me setting up the kitchen with all my stuff just to have to take it all out of the cupboards again, shrug.

As a result, this means my kitchen scale is still packed so I can’t weigh my food (driving me nuuuuuts!), most of my measuring items (spoons, jugs etc) are also packed, I have a couple out cause I found them randomly stuffed in the box with my plates when I unpacked those but not a full set so sometimes I can measure sometimes I can’t…and the counters are so cluttered that I feel as if I can barely move in there.

Oh, and the stove still doesn’t work so I can’t even cook properly lol. I’m existing off of frozen dinners, grilled cheese sandwiches and crackers mostly…oh! and cereal! Yum huh?

One other reason I am not tracking is because I am fairly certain I am undereating everyday, sigh, not on purpose just by happenstance. shrug. When I tally in my head at the end of the day what I ate it’s usually rather pathetic, breakfast is generally two pieces of weetabix with unmeasured milk (the horrors!), my next meal will be a frozen dinner (healthy ones tho, so those steamer things or lean cuisine), and if I get hungry later on a grilled cheese sandwich or some yogurt – so somewhere around 14 points or so per day when I am supposed to be eating 20…plus the physical exertion of moving furniture, setting up furniture, unpacking etc.

I don’t know how this will affect my weight loss, it might falsly bring my weight down because I have less food in my system or it might make it bounce higher cause my body might be freaking out and holding on to it’s fat thinking it’s being starved…I doubt the starved thing cause when I feel hungry I eat so I’m not ignoring my body’s signals to get food, I’m just not eating as healthily as I did before the move…hopefully my body understands and forgives me for this – sooner rather than later! lol 😉

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Moving Is Making Me Fat(er)!

3 Nov

O.M.G. Moving has royally screwed up my eating and exercising, to the point that the other day I had to lay down and have a bit of a nap cause my body felt ill from all the crap I’d been eating and lack of exercise and proper hydration.

I didn’t move far, just another section of the city I was already in but you’d think I’d move to the other side of the world for all the weirdness this move has had. *rolls eyes* Let’s start at the beginning shall we?

I rented a one tonne truck that I was going to drive myself and had some totally awesome friends there to help me load and unload all my crap. However, one of the people who was supposed to help I requested not come (due to some personal issues that would take up waaaaay too much space here, short version is he’s a jackass who is mean to everybody and I wasn’t willing to expose my other friends to him…and no he’s not my friend, he’s the bf of one of my close friends) so I had two other friends who were coming instead of him. (They are so sweet, I told them what the jackass had said to me a previous evening and that I was super upset by it and they immediately said they’d help me move so I wouldn’t need the jackass.) So anyways, I was still having my wonderful insomnia, ugh, and the night before the move couldn’t get to sleep, which was probably for the best cause I still had to finish packing, yup, I’m that girl! lol. My mother would have been horrified at the state of my apartment so close to moving day 😛

I forced myself to lay down for 2 hours and try to get some rest before I had to get up and showered etc before heading out to pick up the truck. Can I say, starting my crazed early morning experiencing abject terror cause of having to drive a huge ass moving truck is not something I want to do again soon. *shudder* I got back to my place and started moving little things while waiting for my friends to show, they were all supposed to be there at 9am but only one was on time lol, the rest trickled in but that’s ok, they were all there by 9:30am. What I didn’t realize is there would be so many people who thought they knew the best way to load a truck…HW has truck loading experience and knows the best way to load everything, IN has helped oh so many people move and knows the best way to load a truck, my landlord came out and he drives trucks for a living so he knows for sure the best way to pack everything in there *rolls eyes* Too many cooks in the kitchen! At one point all us girls just stood there and watched as all three guys were in the truck ordering each other on the best way to stack boxes. Men – too funny. lol. 😛

While the sitch was entertaining it was also stressful cause I had the truck for a very limited time and if I was late then I had to pay an additional $150 and I sooooo don’t have that kind of money! eek! Oh, and I was also running on one cup of tea and that was it, I didn’t have time to eat anything so I was kinda hungry. I managed to grab a granola bar that I saw sitting in the top of a bag as it was being loaded in to the truck around 10am or so…I was up at 6am so my tummy was not all that impressed with what I finally gave it lol.

Anyways, we got the truck to the new place and started unloading, luckily I am on the main floor and at the front of the building so for taking stuff into the new place we set a ladder in front of the balcony and had one person on the balcony and other people passing stuff up to them, made it go a lot faster.

Unfortunately, the painter who was supposed to be done on the Friday was not done so we were moving my stuff in while he was painting, awesome huh? We couldn’t let anything touch any walls so stuff was stacked horribly in the middle of any room we were able to get in to past his painting gear…all my careful labelling of what room each box was supposed to go in wasted, sigh.

We were running behind schedule so my epically awesome friends unloaded everything super fast to the yard in front of the building and said they’d take everything else in and for me to take back the truck so I am not late – how great are they?  😀 I was late getting the truck back but I used the lighting up of a warning light on the dash as my excuse, I pulled the scared innocent female routine and told them the light scared me so I drove slower cause *tilts head*big liquid eyes* “isn’t that what you are supposed to do?” Hey! Don’t judge! I will do what I need to! lol. 😉 fyi…it worked. 😀 Oh! sidenote, I didn’t damage, crash, hit, scratch or do anything else bad to the truck – I got me some mad truck driving skills! lol

After that I went to the old place to clean it but was so so so hungry I just had to get something to eat. I would have gotten Subway except I’d had them for dinner the night before and also there is this fish n chip shop that I love and never go to cause hello? battered and deep fried fish? yeah, so not healthy, sigh. But I figured I was gonna be living so far from it from now on I’d never go back, sadness, so one last time wouldn’t kill me. I got a two piece cod and chip meal, YUM!!! 😀

The plan was to clean the entire place then go back to the new place to dig out my halloween costume and go par-tay…my plans don’t often work out though and this was no exception. 😛 The vacuum stopped working cause the bag was full but all the replacement bags were at the new place, it was taking way longer then expected to get everything cleaned and frankly, I was tired so moving slower then normal. When the vacuum stopped working I used it as an excuse to leave for the day, go to the new place and ran in to the painter who was still painting! He said he was gonna leave at 5pm and finish tomorrow morning but then decided to stay until he was done that evening and I made a joke about how if he’d come back tomorrow he’d of woken me up to which he was shocked cause he was told we were moving stuff in early (we had permission) but that no one was living here till monday…crap. Where else was I supposed to sleep, all my stuff was here! I muttered something about crashing at a friends house and left, so I had no costume cause with him there I couldn’t go searching for it or get ready there, I was falling asleep on my feet and I couldn’t legally stay where my stuff was…double crap. I had to kill time until the painter left so I went to a Tim Horton’s drive through got a tea and a muffin, ate it while sitting in the suv and texting with friends and then drove back and hung out in my suv in my apartment parking lot just waiting…Lame! What’s lamer is I was so tired I fell asleep in my suv, thank goodness a friend texted me and my phone woke me up lol.

So all stealth like I snuck back in to the apartment once the painter was gone, put the couch together, grabbed a throw cushion and crashed. Luckily my couch is freakishly comfy. But I had to get up uber early just in case the landlady or the painter came in so I didn’t get all that much sleep – and it sucks I had to miss the halloween party! Although, I’m thinking with how tired I was I’d of had one drink and been done lol.

I spent all of Sunday cleaning the old place and working on the new one and really, since then everyday is me working on the new place. It’s taking longer then you might think cause I’m the only one here to move furniture and some of it is heavy and I can’t set up common area rooms properly cause my roomie hasn’t moved her stuff in yet – she’s having major issues getting her move organized, eek.

So to recap why I am getting fatter: Since Thursday I have eaten at Subway once, Fish n Chip shop once, Tim Horton’s 3 times (muffins and a sandwich) a restaurant’s burger and fries once (a real restaurant not fast food but still epic bad burger, it has coleslaw on it!), one medium pizza, numerous granola bars, oh and a toaster strudel. And how many times did I exercise since Thursday? Once! And that was yesterdays boxing class cause I was so desperate to work out that nothing could have kept me away! It’s amazing though how much better I felt physically and emotionally after boxing class. 🙂 I know one class isn’t going to make up for all the food damage I had inflicted while moving but still, I felt energized, thinner, healthier, just all around better! I must be deranged or something… 😉

You may be wondering why the heck I ate out so so so much instead of cooking? Well, for the first couple days I was techinically squatting in the apartment so I couldn’t have it looking like I was staying there, that and my mattress was in the kitchen and blocking the fridge and stove lol. Then I got the mattress out but all my kitchen stuff was packed so I had nothing to cook with. Then I finally unearthed some stuff and opened the stove and was so horrified I closed it right back up. Apparently the people before me didn’t believe in cleaning, soooooo gross! But the one cleaning product I don’t own is oven cleaner so I had to wait to buy some of that. Ridonkulous!

But finally, I have oven cleaner, decent access to the kitchen and some pots and pans and plates and bowls unpacked so tomorrow I will hopefully be able to cook in my kitchen…don’t hold out hope though, I’ve got no skills at cleaning ovens so I may be microwaving my food…which is ok cause I bought some microwave dinners today just in case! lol 🙂

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Abnormal Sleeping

25 Oct

Once upon a time, when I was a wee little babe who still slept in a crib my mom would put me down for a nap or for the night and apparently I’d conk right out. Soon as I was laying down I was unconscious. Wasn’t I such a nice baby? 😉 lol

For as long as I can remember I have been a night owl – a condition I feel is not given enough respect in our society lol. I know when you’re a kid it’s your parents’ responsibility to give you a bedtime and make you obey it, and really, how is a parent supposed to tell the difference between a kid who just wants to be a brat and not go to bed and a kid who is destined to be a night owl?

So, as a child I often pushed the boundaries of my bedtime, trying anything I could think of to stay up late and when I couldn’t draw out the actual going to bed process any longer I’d lay in bed bored out of my skull wide awake with nothing to do. I’m sure 9 times out of 10 I fell asleep because of sheer boredom lol.

Well now here I am, an adult, and I seem to have completely lost the ability to get to sleep at anything approaching a “normal” hour. Although what is “normal” is sooooo up for debate 😛 But even I think it is getting out of control, and if I think that then you know that means I am having sleeping issues. Which, is so sad cause sleeping is one of my absolute fave activities evah!

Yeah, you heard that right, I looooove sleeping! I love my bed, my pillows, my blankets, I love curling up in bed with a book, I love slowly waking up and being more aware of how comfy I am as I turn over and burrow farther under my blankets and pillows lol, I especially love my dreams…which may sound weird but let me explain! My dreams are like stories, seriously, they have a storyline, a plot, they play out in my head like a tv show or movie except instead of watching what someone else created I am watching what my brain comes up with. 🙂 So much better!

For the past couple weeks or so though I can’t get to sleep. I usually go to sleep anywhere between midnight and 3am, depending on what I did that day, how early I was up, when I have to be up the next day, all kinds of stuff. But lately? Just not happening. I have still been going to bed somewhere in that time frame, usually closer to the 3am then the midnight lol, but all I do is lay in bed, bored, tossing and turning. I lay awake for so many hours I actually start to feel hungry! It’s way harder to get to sleep when you’re hungry…I decided to stay up packing one of those evenings, thought maybe if I wore myself out I’d actually get to sleep when I went to bed so I didn’t go to bed till 4am and all that accomplished was me not managing to fall asleep until about 7am or so, sigh. And last night! omg, sigh, went to bed at 3am, tossed, turned, did that thing where you know you must be dozing off every now and then but for the most part you’re well aware of the passage of time, was still tossing at 6am, eventually go to a pathetic version of sleep, woke up full an proper at 9am, then and only then did I manage to drop into a deep sleep which lasted all the way till 10:45am when my alarm went off. *groan*

I miss my long, deep, dream filled sleeps. 😦

And of course, because I’m not getting to sleep until stupidly late I (if my alarm isn’t set) sleep in until stupidly late in the day thereby screwing up my days schedule. erg. Suckfest.

I keep toying with the idea of taking a sleeping pill, popping it at like 10pm so I’d be asleep by what 11pm or so? (I’m not sure how quickly those things kick in) but I’m reluctant to regulate my sleeping with medication, there must be a better way!…what it is though I am in the dark about lol

Oh, and can I say, what pisses me off even more then missing out on my dreams is the knowledge that without regular proper sleep your body stops losing weight and will sometimes even gain weight – gain! Double suckfest.

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My Brain Is Stumped

21 Oct

I can’t seem to write a post today to save my life. sigh. It’s not writer’s block exactly, I have written two well thought out drafts…and then I deleted them because they are not what I want to post on this blog. One was too well, weird, the other was somehow becoming political…all cause I wanted to share a picture but the picture needs an explanation and the explanation was getting out of hand. I am the least politically minded person out there and well, hello? this is a weight loss blog – not a politics blog! Too bad about the picture tho…shrug.

I haven’t posted in a couple days, mostly cause nothing all that interesting was going on. lol. I had intended to post yesterday but got in this strange mood and actually wanted to pack so I figured I better not waste it lol. It’s not that I don’t like packing, I mean, really, what’s not to like? Put on some music, have a drink near by and put your stuff in boxes – easy peasy. 🙂 But I keep putting it off, mostly cause I am lazy…and scared of spiders. *shudder*. I don’t want to pack at night cause I’m scared when I’m moving furniture or getting stuff from under my bed or up high in my closet I’ll disturb spiders and I’ll see them but not easily enough to be able to kill them before they hide somewhere I can’t follow…like under a baseboard. ick. Then I’ll be freaking out about the spider, and how it is watching me and waiting for me to sleep so it can exact some sort of revenge, and I’ll be too icked out to do much else.

During the day I am out and about doing random prepping-for-the-move errands (like getting boxes, booking a truck etc) and when I get home from all of that I have just enough time to get a bite to eat before going to boxing. Which, fyi, tuesday was my last Dragon Boating session, then I boxed wed, thurs and fri and every-freakin-muscle in my body aches, and I mean aches! *groan*

This whole week I have felt off, I can’t figure what it is, but the boxing classes seemed harder then normal, my rowing was off a bit, it just seems like I am getting muscle fatigue quicker and it’s lasting longer then what I normally experience. I am hoping this is my body realizing I’m gonna keep making it work out even if it does insist on plateuing and so it’s caved and is building muscle mass and getting rid of fat – fingers crossed!

But yeah, so really, the only time I have to pack is in the evenings after boxing, so starting around 9pm or so but that’s when things get creepy cause of spiders…so I’ve been letting the whole packing thing kinda stay on the back burner…*whistles innocently*

I realized (thanks to my mom) that perhaps I have let things slide just a tad too much and should start packing. ugh.

I am quite possibly the least organized packer out there lol. I started in my room, got to a point and stopped there. Oh, and the ‘point’ I got to and then stopped at? Doesn’t really make any sense. Some of my books were packed but not even half, the contents of my desk drawers were packed up but not the stuff on my desk, most of the non-clothing items in my closet were packed but not quite all of them…you get the idea I’m sure. 😛 Then I moved to the living room…*rolls eyes*…most of my movies are packed, but not all, I did manage to pack an entire two shelves of a three shelf bookcase, and some random decorative items are now packed…ok, fine, most of them are packed. lol.

The only thing I am organized with is the labelling of boxes. Every box gets a number, I have a notebook where I write down the box number and the contents of that box so I know where every item is. Oh, and each box is labelled what room it needs to go in to at the new place, if it has fragile items in it and if it is heavy…I’d say that’s a decent level of organization, kinda… 😉

I’m happy to be able to say that the food-buying rules I came up with a couple weeks ago are still holding firm. 🙂 I am only buying (when needed obviously lol) eggs, milk, bread, yogurt, fresh fruit. I am not buying frozen food items, canned or boxed foods. This is not some weird addition to my healthy eating plan, lol, this is so I have less food to move. I don’t know about you but I somehow end up with a stockpile of boxed/canned foods. Most of it comes from when something is on ridiculously good sale, like the Thinsations, every now and then they go on a great sale so I stock up cause I know I am gonna eat them. But I always eat certain flavours faster then others so when I finish eating say, the Oreo Cakesters, instead of saying I can’t buy anymore until I have also finished the other types off I will buy more Cakesters. Gradually, I end up with more food in my cupboards then is practical for me space wise and diet wise. Sometimes it’s useful to have this stockpile, like when money is so short that I can’t afford to buy anything, then I know I have some food in the cupboards that I can eat, but really, a package of Thinsations chocolate covered pretzels does not a meal make – no matter how tasty they are. Yum! lol. 😛

Everytime I finish something and can get rid of the box or can or bag I get a little happy glow. 🙂 Yeah, so what if that is lame. 😛 lol. I did cave, kinda, and bought some frozen chicken breasts. I had a RainCheck for them cause when they were on sale the store was out of stock and I realized last night when cooking dinner once the chicken breast I was cooking was eaten the only things in my kitchen that would have protein were my last two hot dog weiners, eggs and peanut butter. Rather pathetic considering how often I exercise. lol. Sooooo, I decided buying the chicken, while yes, it was bringing food into the apartment, isn’t such a bad decision cause I’ll have eaten most of it by the time I move, and, well, it’s kind of a necessity, right? 😉

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I Cheer Blue

18 Oct

For the past two weeks I have missed the majority of The Biggest Loser episodes because my Dragon Boating was moved to Tuesdays. I tuned in this week just in time to see Bob ride a bull, Bonnie fell during the challenge, the red team finally won a challenge, Bonnie is pissed with Anna (her trainer), the blue team managed to not lose the weigh in, oh, and for some reason one of the guys on the black team didn’t have his weight loss count towards the team’s total…I’m not really sure why…

Even though I didn’t get to see the entire episode I still saw lots that kept me entertained. 🙂

This is the second season I have watched where instead of sitting on the couch and eating ice cream or cookies while watching I use the contestants as inspiration while I work on my (admittedly slower) weight loss journey. I don’t really “connect” with the contestants, it’s not like there’s been a contestant that I say “I so feel that person, we have so much in common” but that’s ok cause watching all of them while they push through their bad days helps me think I can push past my bad days.

I don’t like how they divided the teams this season, based on age…it seems like the older team, the Blue Team, is getting picked off one by one. I have this tendency to cheer for the underdog, in movies they usually win lol, but in real life rooting for the underdog doesn’t always guarantee you’ll be cheering for the winning team. 😛

I am not so delusional that I think either of the women left on the Blue Team will actually win the contest – I’m betting on the big guy on the Black Team whose the ex-football player. I mean, c’mon, dude is huge! Of course he’s gonna lose the most, he has the most to lose. Even though I know neither of the women on the Blue Team will win I am still cheering for them. Two of the oldest people on the ranch, with a new trainer, and more physical limitations then the other younger players…doomed I tell ya, doooooooomed! I keep wondering if the other teams will take pity on the Blue Team and do something to help them but I doubt it, they all want that big prize at the end and I don’t think any of them would dare risk their chance at winning it. lol. Human nature. 🙂

Today I ate:

1 Yoplait Light yogurt red velvet cake = 2 points

1 Weetabix = 1 point

1/2 C 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 1 point

leftover Coconut Shrimp Bites = approx 3 points

2 pcs toast = 3 points

1 fried egg = 2 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

20 grams Vegetable Thins crackers = 2 points

1 pck Thinsations Peak Freans = 2 points

1 Thinsations Fudge Dipped Bar = 2 points

Total points eaten = 20

Exercise points earned = 3

I had to guesstimate on how many points the leftover shrimp from Red Lobster were, there were only like 5 in the container so I don’t think it was a crazy high amount of points eaten but just in case I guesstimated low I’m not eating anymore points today (even though I earned 3 exercise points). This kinda sucks cause I am still a tad hungry but oh well, shrug, I’m just gonna drink more water and/or tea and hope I’m actually just dehydrated and not for real hungry.

I’ve been enjoying my Yoplait Light yogurt that I got from the states on Sunday, so far I’ve had the Blueberry Pie and the Red Velvet Cake flavours. 😀 I blindly choose the yogurt flavour from the fridge so I was happily surprised when I got the red velvet cake flavour today – I’ve been psyched to try that one lol. There was a funny aftertaste with the blueberry pie flavour and the red velvet while yummy didn’t actually taste anything like red velvet cake lol. I have eight other flavours to eat so I’m reserving judgement on them all until I’ve gotten to taste all ten I bought. Then I will write a proper review on the Yoplait Light yogurts. 🙂 cause ya know, I’m sure you all care what I think about the yogurt line lol.

Go Blue Team Go!…might as well get my cheer on while the Blue Team still exists lol

Oh! and word of warning, if you get the Coconut Shrimp Bites from Red Lobster and microwave them to warm them up they explode in the microwave, a lot! lol. Luckily the container I warmed them up in had a cover so the batter that was being removed via the heat waves splattered onto the insides of the container and not all over the inside of my microwave. lol. I think I saved some calories by losing all that batter from the shrimp… 😀 lol

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Weight Ranges and I

17 Oct

Most everyone who has a weight loss blog has a desired weight they want to get to. I think most people in general have a desired weight or weight range they want to be at. Some look at the weight range as a far off dream they can never achieve, others use it to motivate themselves to make healthy choices throughout the day.

That number, or range, taunts us at times, it seems to hover in the distance never getting any closer. Mean huh?

I have never been good at gauging a person’s weight, that whole “guess my weight” game? I suck at it! Combine that with not really knowing what an appropriate weight is supposed to be and well, I start to get lost when it comes to weight ranges. I remember as a kid in grade 5, we had an assignment where we had to create a person, draw them, write a bio for them, the whole bit – just as if they were real and you were researching them. I don’t remember why we had to do this but the why isn’t really part of my point right now. lol. I created a lady, I don’t remember what age I made her, probably in the 20’s cause I thought that was the perfect age to be at. 😛 I remember I made her tall-ish and thin. Now, I totally randomly chose height and weight numbers because I didn’t really grasp how tall or fat any of the numbers I could choose from would make a person, shrug. What I do remember is my sister, when she saw the weight I made my person exclaiming over how thin I made her – apparently she was so thin she’d have been severely underweight, oops!

I tweaked her numbers until my sister said they were more realistic and left it at that. But lately, I thought of the woman I created and realized I wouldn’t do any better at giving her a good height/weight ratio today then I did back in grade 5.

So many things affect how we view the world, view others, view ourselves. It would be great if the entire world was just chock full of healthy people, if we were all somehow healthy – but who can even say what healthy is? There are so many different ways to judge a person’s health, and so many different definitions of what is healthy. Some people argue being overweight is a lifestyle choice and you are just as healthy being obese as you are being thin – I am not making this up! I watched a documentary about it. Others say you can measure a healthy body using BMI, weight, measurements etc. Some say just eye ball it, if you look good then you’re fine. Or go by how you feel – if you feel healthy then you are. So how do you know if you are healthy when there are so many ways to “measure” health, and many of those way contradict each other.

Years ago, when I still lived in AB and had a family doctor, she gave me a very stern lecture about how I was fat and needed to lose weight. She made it sound like it was the easiest thing in the world to do and she even seemed honestly confused that I wasn’t sure how to get rid of the fat I had accumulated. Please keep in mind this lady is one of those so-skinny-she’s-a-twig people and even when she was pregnant was super tiny and lost all the weight super fast. She said she “experimented” with many different types of diets so she could speak knowledgably about them to her patients – I applaud this, and yet, was annoyed by this. How could this woman, this incredibly thin woman, tell me after she’s tried the South Beach Diet, and Atkins and a whole bunch of other eating plans which one was best when she doesn’t have an ounce of body fat on her and never has? She doesn’t really know what it is going to take for me to lose the weight, she just has theories.

One thing she did give me though, was information. She let me know, for my height and gender what weight range I should be at. In case you are wondering, I am 5’8″ and female, so I was supposed to be between 130-135lbs. All these years later I am using those numbers as my goal, thinking nothing has changed and that information is still accurate. Well, I double checked that today and found times have a-changed and that weight range isn’t exactly what I should be aiming for. According to Weight Watcher’s, for my height I should be looking at a range of 132-164lbs. The way larger range they say I am ok to be using made me wonder what other numbers I might find out there. So I went googling…

On www.divine.ca the range I got was 125-144lbs. On www.healthcentral.com my range is 144-158.4lbs. I could keep going on with different websites but suffice to say, they all give a broader range then my doctor ever did and all the ranges are different. Most of them overlap with part of their numbers but still…none of them match. How is it so hard to find out what your ideal weight range should be?

What makes it even harder is I am in the entertainment business, which means a “normal” weight is considered a “larger” weight in my world. I have met actresses who in real life are in such good shape, they are toned, they are fit, they are thin, they are what many aspire to be. And yet, they have network officials telling them daily to lose weight because they look too fat on their tv show. It’s sad, not surprising, but sad. The camera really does add weight to your frame, and so these women, who look amazing in real life look a tad larger on screen then what we as viewers are used to and what the network officials are happy with.

I was checking out a website of an actress I don’t know because I was thinking of getting a website from the same company and they said to view hers to get an idea of what mine would look like – format, layout etc. I was checking out the various pages on her site and saw her stats, she is an inch taller then me and lower in weight then the range I had been aiming for. So, she’s 5’9″ and was 122lbs. This made me want to hit my head against a wall.

Here I am at 5’8″ struggling to get to 130-135lbs and she’s even lighter then me while being taller then me. Which means, even if I was at 130lbs, if I stood next to her, I’d look large. Crap.

Losing weight is hard enough without the added pressure of your work industry hovering over you like a rainy cloud. I try to ignore the knowledge that for an actress I am quite fat, and therefore way limited in the roles I can audition for. Sure, I have lost weight, and opened up more possibilities for me career wise, and yes I have my agent now which will help, but really, to have the best chance possible I have to get down in weight, and clothing size, and measurements, in everything…and not just to the weight range I’ve had in my head this entire time but to at least 5-10lbs below it…which means my journey just got ten pounds longer, sigh.

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