Tag Archives: weight loss

Empty Cupboards!

26 Aug

You will notice farther down in my food list for the day I ate 63 grams of whole wheat pasta instead of 85 grams. This was not some great attempt to lower my points for dinner and still be full, this was because I ran out of healthy pasta…completely! The only pasta I now have is in the Sidekicks packages…you know, the really unhealthy kind. lol.

When digging out my last remaining bit of pasta I noticed the absence of food in the cupboard…now, I am not out of everything but I am out of a lot of things. No more soup, no more pasta, no more veggies…no more of most things. Oops. I went grocery shopping last weekend so I am not sure exactly how this happened, shrug, doesn’t really matter how it happened tho, just that it happened. lol.

I however did find something totally yummy and amazing in my treat drawer…Hershey’s Oh Henry Cookies…yup, cookies! Sooooooooo good! 😀

yumyumyumyumyum

I had 5 points left after dinner and wasn’t sure what to eat to use them up, I was wandering around the kitchen racking my brain when I remembered I have a cookie drawer. I don’t go in it very often anymore, sad, 😛 so I didn’t remember what was in it and wasn’t this finding a good one?! 😀 I mean come on, it’s a chocolate bar turned in to a cookie and I can eat 2 for only 3 points…that’s less then those Maple Cookies I had. In an attempt to keep them from going soft (unlike the maple cookies that become oh so soft) I put them in a plastic container so here’s hoping it works! I eat these things so slowly now, only 2 a day and how many are in that package anyways? Who needs that many cookies? Why can’t they sell cookies in say, a half size package? Some of us don’t need to buy food for an entire family here, eesh. And that was quite the ramble…sorry ’bout that!

So here I am, happily full with chocolate, trying to figure out what to make for lunch tomorrow…I don’t think I actually have anything to take for lunch…hmmm, oh wait! I think there was a can of beans in there…there we go, beans on toast it is! Crisis averted…must go grocery shopping soon…

For today I ate:

2 Weetabix = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 Extreme Pita (grilled chicken) = 4 points

tzatziki sauce = 1 point

carrots = 0 points

63 grams whole wheat pasta = 4 points

1/4 cup Alfredo Roasted Tomato sauce = 2 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 cup blueberries = 1 point

1 cup 1% milk = 2 points

2 Hershey’s Oh Henry cookies = 3 points

Total points used = 22 , wOOt! 😀 Yet another day where I have managed to eat all my points, awesome-ness. Looks like I have managed to get back on the wagon which I am very glad about, and!, I was sitting in a different area of the office today and was offered various treats and saying no was easy, finally! The ease of saying No that I had managed to get and then lose is back again, phew. I guess if you just stick with it long enough the healthier choices become easier and easier to make. Easy is good! lol

Tags: , , , ,

Supplements and Additives

25 Aug

I used to try every new supplement that came on the market – if it promised to help me lose weight that is. I never cared about side effects, health risks, if it was healthy or not – I just wanted results. FYI, I never got those results. Such a waste of money, sigh.

This time around I was planning on staying away from all those things but that doesn’t mean they don’t crop up from time to time. In fact, I had some left over from before I started Weight Watchers and I have recently been using it again, now don’t freak out, it isn’t a pill and it doesn’t promise me that I will lose massive weight uber quick (as long as I am willing to damage my liver and heart lol), it is called Benefibre Shape Management.

doesn’t change the flavour of your drink and adds fibre to your diet, can’t go wrong with that!

It is a Vitamin B complex that is supposed to boost my metabolism of fats and carbs. I don’t know if that is real or not but I do know it adds fibre to my diet and that is a good thing. Before Weight Watchers I know I didn’t eat enough fibre, I also didn’t eat enough fruits, veggies, protein…all I ate more then enough of was fat and carbs. lol. So back then I bought this Benefibre cause I thought quick easy way to get fibre in to me and it has the added bonus of supposedly helping me with my weight.  I should have researched before buying it though, we are supposed to get about 25 grams of fibre per day, each rounded teaspoon of Benefibre provides approx 3 grams of fibre and you’re only s’posed to have 3 teaspoons a day…not quite your daily amount. lol. At least it increases my intake by a bit…and every bit counts!…right? 😀

I have never had any side effects from taking it, it really does completely dissolve in my drinks and doesn’t alter the texture or taste of them. Really, it is an effortless way to get a bit more fibre. I usually don’t manage the 3 teaspoons per day, I only use it in the evening and I used to only put it in my tea but over the past week and a half I have also been dissolving it in to my evening water. Because of putting it in the water I now (usually) have 2 teaspoons per day…sometimes I manage the 3 but that is still rare.
I think a lot of the benefits from items like this are psychological – when I drink my tea that has my dissolved fibre powder in it (and doesn’t that just sound soooo appetizing) I feel like not only am I getting fluids in me, I am also doing something positive for my weight management. It gives me a sensation of trying harder even though all I am doing is sitting on the couch blogging or watching tv. lol. I don’t really mind if the benefit is mostly psychological because even if it isn’t helping me metabolize my fats and carbs any better then I normally would it is getting that little bit of extra fibre in me, and the fibre isn’t a lie.
So there we have it, I am not supplement/additive free. Oh the horrors! lol. Are you gonna tell on me to the healthy police? 😀
I have always been a believer in supplements, I always felt like I just hadn’t found the right one for me yet but if I kept trying eventually one of them would magically work and bam! I’d be thin. I think deep down I knew better, I also think that maybe I figured it didn’t matter if I damaged my body trying to get thin. If I didn’t get thin then I knew I was gonna be miserable – sort of a die trying attitude. shrug. Not the best attitude I grant you but I managed to stop myself from taking them so what does that matter? Now I just take one and it is for the fibre not the weight loss help it may or may not give me. I s’pose I could just take a fibre pill or something…I am assuming there is such a thing…but I already own this so I am gonna stick with it. We’ll see what I decide once it runs out…who knows, maybe then I really will stop with supplements! But don’t count on it… 😛
Today I ate:
3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points
1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point
1 banana = 2 points
1 cup grapes = 1 point
1/2 Fresh Express Fiesta salad =4 points
1 cup Tuscan Bean soup with Sweet Basil = 2 points
1 light babybell = 1 point
carrots = 0 points
85 grams whole wheat pasta = 5 points
1/4 cup Alfredo Roasted Tomato sauce = 2 points
grilled veggies = 0 points
1 grapefruit = 1 point
1 tbsp sugar (for the grapefruit) =1 point
I used my 22 points today! 😀 It was a real toss up between the grapefruit or a thinsations oreo cakesters package. lol. The cakesters nearly won, the idea of cake was so so so tempting but I figured the grapefruit was the healthier choice – even if I do sprinkle sugar on it. lol. It was a nice change, I don’t eat grapefruit often, and I am glad I chose it for my evening snack. 🙂 How weird is that?!?! Getting close to my daily dose of fibre in, choosing fruit over cakesters…the world is a changin! 😀 

Tags: , , , , , , ,

Addicted…to food??

24 Aug

So I think I am addicted to food…is that even possible? I think it is possible…and I think I have done it. lol. I laugh but it isn’t really funny…

There are people that are much worse off then I am, I know this cause I see them when I am out and about…like this guy I saw on the skytrain today, in all seriousness he took up the space of three people, eesh. So he obviously has a worse problem then I do…although for all I know he has a thyroid problem or some such thing, shrug.  Maybe he eats way healthy and is in much better shape then me, can’t really tell from looking…we all pretend we can and judge people based only on what they look like but really…what do we know?

Back to my topic, I think I managed to get addicted to food, and it’s not like I can quit it all together now can I? The reason I think this is because of cake, yup that’s right, cake.  I had some bites of the cake on saturday at the bbq – the vegan ice cream cake (teehee, just writing that makes me laugh, 🙂 ) and ever since then all I want is cake. I have been thinking about it not constantly but a lot!  To make it worse there is left over bday cake in the fridge at work that I see everytime I open the fridge for milk for my tea…it’s on the bottom shelf and the mik is on the top so everytime I open that door I repeat over and over to myself  “don’t look down! don’t look down! don’t look down!” and then of course I look down, sigh, and I see the cake. Argh!

It seems having those 4 or 5 bites of cake on saturday opened the flood gates of my longing for baked goods. I didn’t even eat all that much baked goods before starting Weight Watchers, I bake the stuff but then I always give it away. shrug. Now however, all I want is baked food. Cookies! Cakes! Donuts! Hell, I’d walk over a dead body to get to a fresh white dinner bun! lol.

Even though I had rough spots before saturday, days where I went over on my points or was really tempted by a certain food item I generally got through the rough patch. I was kinda proud of my willpower – I know, it seems silly to be proud of making a healthy food choice but hey, I will take my pride where I can get it. 😛 By the next day the craving for the bad food was gone and it wasn’t a big deal anymore…this cake thing though is on day 3 and doesn’t seem to be going anywhere. I REFUSE to eat cake!!!!! My refusal however does nothing to stop the wanting of the cake…this is why I think I am addicted…

It’s one thing to think “oh, yeah, I’d like some cake” but not eat any and not think about it after a half hour or so but to keep thinking about it for days? To still be wanting it? To be trying to figure out what to eat for dinner and all you come up with is getting a donut or slice of cake from the store? I almost cheated today and for what? Some old bday cake that’s been sitting in a fridge? A random timbit (they were on the counter at work) when I am not actually hungry? That was something I noticed, even though I wasn’t hungry I was wanting these baked foods. Right after lunch, I had soup and salad, I could have easily scarfed down a slice of chocolate cake…did I need it? No. Was I hungry? No. Was it really really hard to not grab the plate from Linda and inhale her cake? Oh yeah it was!

Up to now it wasn’t all that hard to not eat the cakes, cookies, timbits, pizza slices and all the other treats that were around me. I have been happy with the foods I am eating, liking the tastes of the foods, enjoying the new things I have been eating – that made it easier to say no. I mean sure, did I want to eat pizza at work? Of course I did. But I’d rather lose weight then eat a slice of pizza so there we go, choice made. But now that I have had a taste of the forbidden foods it’s all I want. I think I would have been fine if I hadn’t taken those bites of cake…I wouldn’t have remembered what I was missing ya know? But now my system is all fired up because it remembers the taste of refined sugar, chocolate, icing, it remembers the texture of cake with ice cream in the middle and sprinkles on top…it remembers all that and more, and it wants a taste of the more!

I know me, if I cave, if I say “who cares, eat a slice of cake, get the craving over with” I won’t stop there. That is the difference between me and someone who hasn’t realized they have an over eating problem. I have realized that I have a problem and am trying to fix it, if you’d asked me before this journey started I would have said I didn’t have a problem, I know where to draw the line, I can stop binge eating anytime I want to…but in reality, I couldn’t. Food is my heroin, my alcohol, my “fill in your addiction here”. But while I can quit smoking, or drinking or shooting up or whatver I can’t stop eating and everytime I eat I want what I am not supposed to be eating. It’s stupid hard. And this week more then any other time since I started Weight Watchers I want to quit. I just want to jump off the wagon, screw waiting to fall, and dive in to a meal with all the foods I have been denying myself.

This, more then anything, is what I have to fix. It’s one thing to fix your meal plan, another to fix your brain. I need to find a way to stop associating good feelings with bad food…maybe I can learn how to associate all the good sensations/feelings/thoughts I paired with the high calorie food to healthier foods…like fruit…it’s a thought…

And now that I have finished rambling (sorry about that) here is what I ate today:

2 weetabix = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 points

1 cup blueberries = 1 point

1 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup Tuscan Bean soup with Sweet Basil = 2 points

1/2 Fresh Express Fajita salad = 4 points

1 light babybell = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

1 light hot dog weiner = 1 points

1/2 cup mashed yams = 1.5 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 cheese slice = 1 point

1 piece bread = 1 point

1 tbsp Nutella = 2 points

1 cup grapes = 1 point

Grand total is = 21.5. Only 0.5 under my daily points total, I’d say that is pretty good. 🙂 I have nothing for a half a point so I am not gonna get right on number today but I can try again tomorrow. 🙂

Trying over and over and over is the only way I think I am going to get past this wanting of unhealthy foods. I think there will always be a part of me that wants the high calorie foods, that wants to just come home and eat some huge bowl of Sidekicks pasta, or go to McD’s and get a full meal and dessert. Seems my lesson this week is a nasty one, no matter how much I work to change my eating plan there will always be a part of me tempted to go back to how I used to be. A little voice in my head telling me it wasn’t as bad as I remember, that I don’t really care if I am fat as long as I get to eat what I want since food is what makes me happy. But that’s not right. Food is fuel not a source of happiness. Food shouldn’t be something I rely on to make me feel better after I have a crappy day at work, it’s not there to make me more complete…it is there to give me energy so I can live a healthy life.

Food is fuel…I should get that tattooed on me somewhere so I never forget.

Tags: , , , , ,

Steppin On My Pants, oh yah!

23 Aug

I have limited clothes, not only because of my size but also because of my wallet…altho, mostly because of my size. lol. I used to loooove clothes shopping – I used to be a perfect size 10 which I know to some people seems big (all you size zeros out there! ) but I was fairly content. It meant I could wear anything and look good and well, who doesn’t like that? Since getting fat that joy has left my life…it left a long time ago and I still mourn it. sigh.

I hate clothes shopping! I hate how I look in every item I put on my body; my aim everytime I go in to a store is to find something that hides just how big I am – camaflogue. That is not fun. In fact it is rather depressing. 😦 As a result I don’t go shopping very often…I use my wallet as an excuse for not owning more clothes but even if I came in to a bunch of money tomorrow I wouldn’t go out and buy clothes…what would be the point? I’d still look like me. 😛

Almost a year ago I needed to buy some work pants, I went to RW&Co to buy a couple pairs of good quality pants and fluctuated throughout that time of being able to wear them comfortably and not. When I bought them they fit perfectly…bad idea. I got bigger and had to stop wearing them, so I had these expensive work pants and couldn’t wear them – juuuust great! lol. So I went and bought cheaper work pants elsewhere and wore those. Every now and then I would try on one of the pairs of pants and kinda test them…most mornings they failed to even leave my bedroom, lol. Some days I would wear them to work and by the end of the day be uncomfie cause they were too snug, blarg, so back in to my closet they would go. The other week I tried them on and they not only fit, they were a bit loose. Loose around the waist, hips and butt! How great is that?!?! I wore them today and as I was walking to work (from the skytrain so not a long walk) the pants started getting lower and lower on my waist until they were more around my hips. I was wearing a coat so it wasn’t obvious on my body what was happening so I figured just keep walking and fix it when you get in to the office, hehe, well, I ended up walking on my pants! Yeah, you hear me…I was stepping on my pants with my heels cause of how loose they were…they inched down so far I could step on them…awesome! 😀 😀 😀 Course, it didn’t look all that attractive and I spent the rest of the day constantly pulling my pants up, lol, but I don’t care, in fact, everytime I had to adjust them I got a little grin and had an inner giggle cause it made me so happy. 😀

They are fitting so loose they are almost un-wearable. Not quite mind you – since I really can’t afford to replace them and I decided when this whole thing started that I wasn’t gonna buy clothes for every size I become – too expensive! Instead, when clothes become completely un-wearable then I will replace them…the pants aren’t there yet but they are definitly on the way. 😛 wOOt! I am going to try on the other pair I bought at that same time and see how they fit now – they were always a little snugger so I never tried them on, I don’t think they have been off the hanger since, hmm, before last Christmas…holy crap that’s a long time to have clothes that don’t get worn!

Today was such an awesome clothes day. 😀

The food I ate today is:

3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 banana = 2 points

85 grams whole wheat pasta = 5 points

1/4 cup alfredo sun dried tomato sauce = 2 points

2 triangles Light Laughing Cow Cheese = 1 point

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 Dill and Herb salmon steak =3 points

grilled veggies = 0 points

1 serving root veggie chips = 3 points

I am at a total of 21 points for the day – only 1 point left. The higher point lunch really helped with using up all my points for the day.  I am gonna see if I can manage to make higher point lunches all this week and discover if it helps with eating all my points and losing weight. I’ll let ya know!

p.s. Oh…I am gonna eat that last point, probably a serving of fruit or a little weight watcher candy…if I can find any, I am running dangerously low and can’t find them in stores anywhere, ack!

Tags: , , , , , ,

Epic Fail? Maybe not quite yet…

22 Aug

Yesterday was weigh in day and yet I didn’t post, oops! I did weigh in though, sigh. I didn’t lose weight…I didn’t gain mind you but I didn’t lose either. double sigh. I stayed the exact same…what’s with that? I guess it’s good that I didn’t gain, ok, I don’t guess that, I know that but I wanted to lose darn it! (picture an overweight red head stamping her foot, lol)

When something doesn’t go the way I want it to I like to figure out why, I have come up with two reasons. The first is that I had too many days last week where I underate my points – Weight Watchers is clear that if you don’t eat enough points (aka food) per day your body will hold on to it’s fat and refuse to let you lose it, mean! lol. The second reason is that the two days prior to last weeks weigh in and the day of the weigh in I was sickly, I hadn’t eaten or drank nearly as much as I should have been ingesting so when I weighed in I was dehydrated and had almost no food in my system – that will definitly affect your weight. So my conclusion for this week? It’s sucky that I didn’t lose weight this week but good that I maintained instead of gained – next weigh in day should have better results (as long as I don’t get sick this week, or eat over/under my points to an extreme). I will go back to the basics, making my lunch the night before, focusing on eating my exact number of points, having a healthy nutrient rich diet and trying to make the best choices I can for what I eat. 🙂

Having said all that I didn’t eat such a varied healthy diet today, lol, today was a peanut butter and chocolate kind of day. I had a headache from the moment I woke up and didn’t really want to eat much of anything, shrug, I of course did eventually eat and have eaten almost all my points for the day so that’s good. 🙂

I have a rule, if I can’t calculate the points for the food I don’t eat it. It’s a pretty basic rule but it really helps me not eat things that are bad for me. When food or treats are brought in to work it’s easier to say no when I rely on that rule but yesterday I had to break that rule – and boy did it get broken!

There was a work function, a bbq, and I had almost no control over the food. We were each given an option of steak or chicken so I chose chicken. Before the entree there were raw veggies with dip and a 7 Layer Dip (which is my absolute favourite!!), um, I think there was somthing else, oh! the tortilla chips to dip in the 7 layer dip. I knew I’d end up eating things bad for me and that I’d end up cheating with something so I was almost ok with not being able to calculate the points. lol. I really wanted that 7 layer dip – you don’t understand how much of a personal favourite that dip is! I used to buy a small size of it at the grocery store and some crackers or bread to dip in it and eat the entire container as a meal, Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

Needless to say I was highly tempted by that dip, lol, I decided to wait and see what other foods were going to be offered before touching the dip since I didn’t want to eat some of it and then really want dessert and not be allowed to have it, I wasn’t gonna cheat on everything! Which meant I had to make choices…what did I feel was worth the points?

Dinner was the chicken (an entire chicken breast, ugh, too much at once! I should have just eaten half), some salad (a very small amount because it was already coated in some kind of dressing), a couscous/grain/lentil dish (I think it was healthy but I am not certain of  everything that was in it) and a very very small spoonful of store made potato salad. A chicken breast cooked without skin and bone (as this one was) is 3 points so that is ok but I have no idea how to calculate the points for the rest, shrug. I am working on being ok with the not knowing.

There was dessert too, a homemade vegan ice cream cake. Vegan? So not me! The frosting was from a can or something, shrug, but the rest was home made, the ice cream middle was soy ice cream – I didn’t know there was such a thing. lol. It was ok, the cake part was like heaven cause it’s been so long since I had cake. I think I made a mistake eating any cause all day today I have been craving cake or cake like items cause I had a taste of it yesterday. I spent all that time weaning myself off bad stuff and didn’t think about how having a small bite would make me crave that stuff all over again. Eesh, talk about not thinking my actions through! Anyways, back to the cake, SB and I split a half slice and didn’t even manage to finish that so I didn’t eat too much of it, I think 4 or 5 bites at most. That can’t be too bad, right? There was also some fruit so I had some pineapple and some grapes, not even a serving, heck, not even half a serving.

All in all I don’t think I did too badly with the food at the bbq yesterday. It could have been a lot worse! I had only eaten 7 points worth of food before the bbq so I had lots of points left to use at the bbq – I am not sure if I used them, went over or was under but I did the best I could. For today I am 1.5 points under and I have nothing to eat to bring me to my points. I am contemplating some fruit or something, at least use 1 point so I am only 0.5 under but I am full and really don’t want anything. I can’t bring myself to follow the Weight Watchers rules blindly, they say eat all your points no matter what, and I am sure they have a reason that is valid but I am full, it is 10:30pm and if I eat anything it will make me feel over full and sickly. I don’t think anyone should eat if they are already full and it is late at night – do you?

I totally forgot to say why I don’t think the weigh in was an epic fail! Oy, I’m losing it! lol. I needed something to wear to the bbq so I dug out some jeans I haven’t been able to wear in years, I thought I could at least give them a try. Well, yah! Happy Dance! They fit! Awesome! And not only did they fit they started sliding down throughout the day, sweeeeeeeeeeeet! 😀 😀 😀 Sure it’s just a simple pair of jeans but I am stoked that they fit! That is why the day, heck the week, was not an epic fail, cause even though all I did was manage to maintain my weight I have managed to get myself in to a pair of jeans that I haven’t been able to wear since well, a loooong time ago. teehee. 😀

So for today I ate:

1 Peanut Butter and Banana sandwich

    – 2 pcs bread = 2 points

    – 1 tbls light peanut butter = 2 points

    – 1 banana = 2 points

    – touch of cinnamon = 0 points

9 Maltesers = 2 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

42 grams whole wheat pasta = 2.5 points

1/8 cup Alfredo Sun Dried Tomato Sauce = 1 point

1 wrap = 2 points

1 tbsp nutella = 2 points

1 tbsp light peanut butter = 2 points

1 skinny cow ice cream sandwich = 2 points

So that is 20.5 points for the day. The alfredo sauce gave me some trouble, 1/4 cup is 2 points so that is how much I had measured out for my pasta but when the pasta was cooked, drained and on the plate I realized I had way too much sauce for that amount of pasta. So I used about half of the sauce and that was plenty for the pasta. I had already measured out 4 servings of the sauce to use throughout the week and put the rest of the jar in the freezer  so I will have to use a full serving of pasta for each serving of sauce…more points then I would like for one meal but do-able…I think! 😛 The sauce is really good though and totally worth the points; I will just have to try to find whole wheat pasta that is lower in points once the pasta I have now runs out. Shouldn’t be too hard…I don’t think…

Tags: , , , , ,

Re-Write

20 Aug

You wouldn’t believe how long it has taken me to write this post, eesh. I started last night and kept rambling about a totally different topic then what I was trying to write about. So I decided to write on a new topic and that ended up in confused ramblings too. lol. Apparently last night I really needed to ramble. 😛 It was getting so late I decided to save the draft I had going and hit the sack – figured it wouldn’t hurt to leave it till tonight. shrug.

So here I am, I completely erased the draft and am starting over…I will attempt to not ramble. lol.

Since all my attempts at introspection ended up in utter nonsense I will keep this focused and non-deep. This week has sucked – points wise that is. Saturday and Sunday I didn’t eat all my points, actually, I didn’t eat them all on Monday either…Tuesday was fine, ate all my points so yah! lol. However, Wednesday was way under…sigh. Thursday was spot on and today I am only 0.5 under so that’s ok. The Weight Watcher rules clearly state to Eat All Your Points!!!! If you don’t eat them all it means you are undereating for the day and that can screw up your metabolism and make you not only not lose weight but gain it. Crap. Now, if I undereat one day a week that doesn’t bother me, it is usually because I wasn’t feeling well or plans messed up my eating schedule and really, one day a week isn’t that big a deal. shrug. But 5 days of not eating all my points?!?! That is excessive. I didn’t feel hungry on those days; didn’t feel deprived or wanting for anything but that isn’t a good indicator of what my body needs. I am well aware (now) that your body isn’t always as smart as you think it is; your body might be saying it is hungry but you have ingested enough calories for the day, it could also seem to be telling you that you aren’t hungry but you haven’t eaten nearly enough. How the body can be so wrong I don’t know, but all the so called experts say it can be and who am I to disagree?

Malibu, the person at work who started Weight Watchers last Friday…she has only been on the program for a week and she lost 4 pounds! How the fuck did that happen?? It took me over 2 weeks to manage that…grr. I asked her what she did, if she exercised etc and she said she just has an easy time to lose 15 pounds or so but after that she plateaus and can’t seem to shift anymore weight. She shrugged off those 4 pounds like it was no big deal, like losing it was a breeze. I am so jealous, sigh. To top it off she came to me when the bday cake we had at work was tempting her and I convinced her to not cheat…I wish I hadn’t succeeded in helping her not cheat, maybe then next week she wouldn’t lose as much. lol.

Oh, had the best salad today from the Salad Loop…nasty dressing though. ick. I thought I’d try a dressing I have never had so I took some Blue Cheese dressing. You put the dressing in a little container which is great cause I keep the dressing in the little container instead of pouring it on my salad and then dip my forkful of salad in to the dressing, this way I use way less. 😀 When I was putting the dressing in to the little container I saw it was way oily, hmm, I was tempted to put it back but there were too many people around watching so, shrug, I kept it. I ate some of my salad with the dressing but couldn’t bring myself to like the flavour of it, I ended up eating more then half the salad with out the dressing – it’s a good thing I had great toppings on the salad so it wasn’t boring! lol. For hours after I ate all I could taste was that stupid dressing – ugh – I think next time I will stick with the Light Ranch. 🙂

I am worried about my weigh in tomorrow – I seem to write that every week but what can I say, every week it is true. shrug. This past week I underate way too often, had 2 horrible fat days and today I just feel heavy. Oh, and I am demoralized by Malibu losing so much weight in one week. I was really hoping that this weeks weigh in would put me at a total weight loss of 10 lbs or more but I don’t think that is gonna happen. Blarg. I know I should be happy with what I have lost so far (even though today I feel as big as ever) but it is hard to maintain the happy feelings from a good weigh in throughout the week…by the night before weigh in I have almost always lost the giddy happy feeling and am just worried about what the scale will say. I hate that scale.

Let’s see what I ate today:

3/4 cup Blueberry Special K = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2cup strawberries = 1 point

Salad from Salad Loop = 6 points

    – 1 hard boiled egg, 1/4 cup cottage cheese, mixed veggies, artificial crab, chickpeas, sunflower seeds, grated cheddar cheese, dressing

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 medium slush = 2 points

1 peanut butter and raspberry jam sandwich = 5 points

    – 2 pcs bread, 1 tbls light peanut butter, 1 tbls raspberry jam

1/2 cup mashed yam = 1.5 points

1 Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich = 2 points

My total for the day is 21.5 points. I am ok with being the 0.5 points under, I don’t have anything that is worth only a half point and I am not going to go over my points in an attempt to hit my points…although, I have more then all my flex points still available to me. lol. Ah well, it’s too late to fix what I messed up with this past week and it’s for sure too late tonight to eat anything else. Wish me luck on the scale tomorrow!

Tags: , , , , , ,

Hungry hungry hippo

17 Aug

s'thing else that can eat an eat an eat

Today was what I would have once called a “food day”, that is a day where you are always hungry and eat an eat an eat, you don’t care what you eat, you just eat. It didn’t matter what I ate today or how much – I wanted more…but…I didn’t cave! I ate the food I took to work, I snacked on fruits and veggies and when I got home I ate a healthy dinner and still have one point left, oh yeah baby!

To make it an even harder day it is also a “fat day”, I am sure that doesn’t need any explanation. sigh. I hate fat days, they are bad enough when you aren’t trying to lose weight cause really, what do you do? You wear something looser then normal, eat even more food then what you usually would and figure whatever, you’re already a fat cow who cares if you add more weight to your ever widening ass? It’s not a happy mind set, or a healthy one really. Having a fat day when losing weight is even shittier…I felt like I had made no progress (even though I know I have lost weight), I felt like I should give up, I felt like stuffing cake and McDonald’s and Chinese food and sushi and anything else that crossed my mind in to my mouth cause hey, I am fat and depriving myself of all kinds of foods I really like and it’s making me miserable and just eat already!!! Normally I don’t feel deprived by not eating all those foods I mentioned, I have a goal and a reason for the goal and I am slowly getting closer to the goal but today, it was like a little demon was in my head feeding me thoughts perfectly designed to get me to cheat. It has been a hard day.

now imagine the devil whispering in my ear all day about food...bastard!

The eating portion of my day is almost over and I still have 1 point left, I am going to use that point to eat a weight watchers 1 point candy. I convinced myself earlier to use some flex points, I had an argument all worked out about how it’s ok to use flex points sometimes and why not today? But I have decided I am not gonna do it, I don’t want to use my flex points, I don’t want to get on the scale saturday and wonder if I had only had some willpower on tuesday would the number showing be even smaller? I don’t want to give myself room for doubt…and that is what cheating will give me, all the space in the world. I have a habit of engaging in self-destructive behaviour, I am surprised I haven’t tried to screw myself over already, I have never tried to resist the self-destructive behaviour…it’s hard and seems to go against everything that is in me but I am gonna give it a shot.

Today I have eaten:

2 Weetabix Biscuits = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato soup = 2 points

2 triangles laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1/4 cup couscous with corn = 3 points

mixed raw veggies = 0 points

1 Fresh Express Salsa Supreme Salad = 8 points

1 corn on the cob = 1 point

1 tsp margarine = 1 point

So far I am at a total of 21, and like I already said I will eat my 1 point candy and finish up for the day.  I think I will go down some more water to try to trick my tummy in to thinking it is full and then go to bed so I am not aware of how much I want to gorge on the cookies that are in my kitchen…or the ice cream…or the pasta…why do I have this stuff?!?! Argh! lol

Tags: , , , , , ,

Back in to the rhythm

16 Aug

Have you ever noticed what a funny looking word ‘rhythm’ is? I had to go double check the spelling because it just looked too funny in my title; according to google I spelled it right so here’s hoping google didn’t steer me wrong! lol

I was back in my eating rhythm today (thanks to work, sigh), up at the crack of dawn (well, ok, 6am but it felt like the crack of dawn…course I don’t know when dawn is right now so maybe I am right? :P) and off to the office (hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work we go!) where I had to sit in air conditioning aaaaalllllll day. I hate a/c, whoever invented it is just mean, and whomever implemented it in the building I work in is sadistic. I want to enjoy the heat of summer not spend my days wearing sweaters and drinking tea comparing goose bumps with the girl I sit next to! No wonder adults stopped having fun in everyday experiences, the wonder and joy of the world gets sucked out of you the longer you have to sit in air conditioned rooms toiling at work instead of enjoying the summer and going out and playing. *rolls eyes* adults are so stupid – myself included since I am (for now anyways!) joining in with this stupid practice of wasting my summer.  I can’t wait until I lose this weight and can finally get me another agent who will then get me kick ass auditions that will land me paying acting roles where I can love my work and have summers off (unless I do movies then I will be working at all different times of the year)…

…and with that segue, to my weight loss! Charge it! lol

I found out today that Malibu (a lady at work) has also decided to join Weight Watchers, however, she makes more money then me so she actually joined Weight Watchers while I am using hand me down books and info from my mother and taking this wonderous little journey on my own. She joined online and so far seems to be enjoying it – she joined friday so it’s not like she’s been on it long. She seems to think that my willpower to resist all the treats at work comes from being on WW and since she has been cheating practically everyday on the diet plan she was trying she seems to think that joining WW will boost her willpower in to high gear and bam! she’ll lose weight. I don’t know how I feel about this…which seems petty, I know I should be happy that I apparently provided some inspiration and now other people are trying the same program but…it’s my program! I was the only one at work doing WW and I kinda liked it that way, and well…she can actually afford to join, which means she’ll get all the benefits of being involved in WW that I don’t get cause I can’t afford it. It doesn’t seem fair that someone who joined WW cause of me gets all the benefits of being a member and me, the person who (accidentally) convinced her to join still can’t afford to join. sigh. So now you know, I am vain and petty! 😛

I guess I was enjoying being the only one at work on this particular program; it was sorta my domain and I am territorial and don’t like sharing so I figure this blast of petty-ness comes from that and hey, kudos to Malibu for trying a healthy program to lose weight…man I hope she doesn’t lose weight faster then me, that’ll just blow! lol

On a happier note, I cooked something new today! I was quite excited about it (still am really) but when talking to JF on the phone discovered that my new cooking accomplishment is not that big a deal in the land of people-who-have-been-cooking-dinner-for-years. lol. I made…ready? Corn on the cob! …no, that is not a joke! 😛 I have never made it before but there was a stand selling fresh Chilliwack Sweet Corn on my route home so I decided to buy corn cause I thought it’d go well with the hot weather we are having. Who doesn’t like corn on the cob with dinner on a hot night? I just wanted one and the guy looks at me like I am crazy and says they are sold by the dozen…uh, that still doesn’t stop me from only needing one. Eventually we settled on three which now I am glad about cause the one I had tonight was deeeelish and I am looking forward to having another tomorrow night with diner. 🙂 I mentioned to the guy selling it I was going to google how to cook it and he said put it in boiling water for 3 minutes. Nice, easy, I can do that, this is looking promising. Here is where the really sad part comes in (sad as in you’re gonna laugh at me kind of sad lol). On the drive home I peek in the bag at the corn all excited about my little treasure and practically swerve cause my corn doesn’t look like corn, it’s green! Green?!?! Say wha?? When I got home I did what all self-respecting adults do, I called my mom. 😛  Told her about buying the corn etc and then asked what was wrong with my corn cause it is green. She starts laughing and says that is the husk and I have to take that off and the yellow corn that I am used to seeing is underneath. Oooooohhh, hmm, somebody should write that on the corn…er, husk. So then a perfectly natural question on my part…do I put it in the boiling water with the husk still on? Got quite the stern NO! on that one. After detailed explanations on what to do at every stage of the corn cooking event I got off the phone and decided to put my newfound knowledge in to action…and I made corn on the cob!!! It turned out perfect! Oh, and I was right, it was a great side to my dinner on this hot summer night…it goes great with salmon. 😀

My food today:

3/4 cup Special K Blueberry = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 piece toast = 1 point

1/4 cup Maple Baked Beans = 1 point

1 babybell cheese = 1 point

1/4 cup couscous with corn = 3 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 Dill and Herb Salmon Steak = 3 points

1 corn on the cob = 1 point

1 piece toast = 1 point

2 tsp margarine = 2 points (used on toast and on corn)

1 Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich = 2 points

1 pck Weight Watchers Cheddar Twists = 2 points

Total points used 22! See? Back in the rhythm. 😀 I could have done without that last snack but I figured what the hell, eat something, use up the points and be done with it. I think I have had 4 days in a row now where I didn’t use all my points so it was nice to actually use them all again.  I am a little worried I won’t lose weight cause of not using all my points but 2 of those 4 days I was sick and the other 2 days were the weekend and I always struggle to use up all my points on weekends. Ah well, nothing I can do about it now. 🙂

Tags: , , , , ,

Rotting fruit and overly large pants

15 Aug

What did I do today? Let’s see, I ran errands, watched a movie and revelled in the knowledge that my Lulu Lemon pants no longer fit. teehee. happy dance!

Now, I shouldn’t be so happy about this, these pants cost me a mint and they are one of my most comfy casual pants but hey, I like knowing I am shrinking out of my clothes. 😀  I have found that my work clothes are fitting looser, awesome, and a pair of jeans I couldn’t fit in to I can now wear…the jeans admittedly are a bit snug still but I am getting there. The Lulu Lemon pants really made me realize how my clothes are fitting differently. They are longer now, because they don’t have as much to get caught on lol, and  all through my thighs, hips and abdominal area they are noticeably looser. In some areas it’s not so bad, looser but still ok but other areas are loose enough that the pants don’t look all that good on me anymore, sigh. If I was clothes shopping and tried these pants on in this size I wouldn’t buy them because they’d be too big, *slightly psychotic giggle* but since I already own them I wore them anyways cause I just can’t bring myself to not wear them…seriously, they weren’t cheap! Lulu is an investment, if they are treated properly (cold wash, hang to dry) they can last for years and they always go back to their shape after washing (I know this cause a friend wore hers when preggies and they fit perfect after she lost all her baby weight) so even though they are expensive they last for ages…but they aren’t going to shrink down to whatever size I end up…this could be a problem…

Once they for sure become to big to wear I won’t replace them cause what would be the point? Like I am going to buy a pair for each new size I become, ha! I think that new Lulu pants can be my treat for when I lose all my weight…I have been trying to think of what to treat myself with…I was thinking I’d finally allow myself to eat McDonald’s (I am still going to do that! lol) but a new pair of stupidly expensive pants is a pretty good final weigh in prize…don’t ya think?

On another note I seem to be having bad luck with my fruit lately, it keeps going bad before I can eat it, ick! I think it is because of the heat…it’s making everyone lethargic and killing my fruit. Poor fruit. It started with the plums…my landlord gave me two huuuuge bowls of plums from his plum tree that I was going to turn in to jam, well, not gonna happen cause they all rotted, yack! Then today my pineapple was bad, a nectarine had gone soft, some cherries split and were pussing and a section of my grapes were fuzzy and attached to each other. All in all, that’s a lot of fruit to find bad in one day. Obviously I got rid of it all, sadly not before tasting the pineapple and one of the bad cherries, that was oh so pleasant lemme tell ya. lol All of the fruit except for the grapes and the plums were in the fridge so I am not sure what happened there, shrug, I will hafta be more careful though cause fruit is expensive! Ever notice how healthy things are more expensive then the bad for us stuff? So not fair! 😛

I did find a new ice cream snack this weekend, it is Nestle’s The Skinny Cow Vanilla Sandwich. Basically it is an ice cream sandwich that is “healthy”, or at least a healthier option if you really want an ice cream sandwich…

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Ice Cream Sandwiches for 2 points!

When I told the roomie about them she made an icky face and implied they are not good so I was a bit worried but I really liked the one I ate today. It tasted exactly how an ice cream sandwich should and it is just 2 points; pretty awesome! The packaging actually tells you that each sandwich is only 2 points, I double checked of course with my Weight Watchers points slider and they really are only 2 points each. Sure, someday I will only have 1 point left and really want one of the sandwiches and then I will be bitching cause they are too many points, lol, but for now 2 points per sandwich seems pretty rockin to me. 😀

Alrighty, so today I ate:

2 pieces of toast = 2 points

2 tsp margarine = 2 points

1 Thinsations pckg Chocolate covered pretzels = 2 points

1 small Iced Capp = 3 points

1 chocolate timbit = 2 points

1 grilled cheese sandwich

    – 2 pieces of bread = 2 points

    – 2 Kraft cheese slices = 2 points

   – 2 slices turkey bacon = 2 points

    – 3 tomato slices = 0 points

    – 1 tblsp Light Miracle Whip = 0 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich = 2 points

That puts me at 20 points for the day. I just can’t eat anymore today, it is too hot and too late and I am too full to fit anything else in me but I figure 20 points is ok since I wasn’t all that active today. 🙂 And now I am off to figure out what to put together for my lunch for tomorrow…oh how I miss the days of running out for fast food, sigh.

Tags: , , , ,

Another two bite the dust!

14 Aug

uh-huh! Another two bite the dust, that’s right! Another two bite the dust, you heard me! Another two bite the dust! oooh yeah! 😀 😀

To clarify why I am so happy…I lost 2 pounds this week! Not 1.8 or 1.9 but 2! 2! Two! Dos! Deux! Due! TWO!!!!!

Not that I was unhappy with my losses of 1.8 or 1.9 but 2 is something else, something frickin amazing! 2 pounds a week is the mecca of weight loss, the amount that is quoted by all the so called experts as the healthy amount to lose per week. You aren’t supposed to lose more than that per week (unless your on the biggest loser lol) and obviously any amount of weight loss is a good thing but 2 is the number to hit, and I hit it!

Granted, I had been sick for two days prior and was probably dehydrated when I weighed myself but I don’t care, I am counting that 2 pounds no matter what! lol. However, I weighed myself 2 hours earlier then normal which usually means the scale doesn’t show as high of a weight loss (time of day really does matter when you are on that scale) so maybe the earlier weigh in time and the dehydration cancel each other out? 😛 Ok, so I know it doesn’t but let me have my delusions. 😀 lol

To continue on with my singing:

Yesterday was plain awful!

You can say that again…

Yesterday was plain awful! But that’s. not. now. that’s then!

Little bit of Annie for ya there…yesterday was bad though. I got to work and seemed fine but a little bit after I ate I got horrible abdominal pains and chest pains and was struggling to breath. Seems I even looked horrible cause people were looking at me and telling me to go home. I hate that, when you look so bad people are telling you to leave, makes me wonder what exactly I am looking like…so I am vain, what? You’re shocked about that? lol. So I went home early and by the time I got home I was feeling a bit better. I figured problem had passed and was a little mad I left work early, if whatever was wrong was going to fix itself so quickly why couldn’t I have realized that and stuck it out at work? I can’t afford to miss a day but oh well, I was already home. Around lunch time I got hungry, shocker!, so I ate and regretted it about 15 minuter later when the pain was back but even worse and I was quickly wishing for death. That sounds dramatic but it hurt! I called the closest doctors office to me and was told they didn’t have any doctors in, wtf?! Why the hell have an open doctors office if there aren’t going to be any doctors in it???? Grr! Doctors in this city suck! I was curled up on my bed crying cause of the pain when my roomie got home so I had her drive me to the nearest hospital which has closed its ER, brilliant, so we came home. By the time we got home the pain had eased a bit, just like earlier, and an hour or so later was pretty much gone. shrug. I don’t get it.

I was scared to eat the rest of the day cause hello? I eat I end up curled up in a ball crying, not a good association to have with food. lol. It was really hot here though so I couldn’t not drink, I sipped at a bottle of water the rest of the day and night and almost drank the whole thing. That seemed to settle alright so that was a relief. I went to bed early cause the pain sessions of earlier in the day wiped me out and woke up this morning earlier then normal and feeling…not normal, but a bit better. Considering I hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before I was surprisingly not hungry, shrug, a little thirsty but that’s it. I shrugged the thirst off and went back to sleep cause like I am gonna get up early on a saturday? ha! When I finally did wake up and got my lazy ass out of bed I went and had my happy moment on the scale. 😛

Today has not been so bad. I didn’t get hungry for a really long time, and actually, I wasn’t hungry at all when I finally ate something. I ate because it was early afternoon and I hadn’t put anything in me since the water from the evening before…it just seemed time to eat. shrug. I had a salad, it seemed a safe choice. lol. The salad gave me some pain but not as bad as the food the day before and it cleared up without me resorting to tears which was nice. I even felt well enough to go grocery shopping and buy my weekly timbit lol. These little rituals are important I think, knowing I get 1 timbit every weekend makes it easier to not give in to tempting foods during the week. I learned something sad though, my information about the points for timbits and iced capps from Tim Hortons was wrong, sigh. One timbit is 2 points, not 1, and it’s not the medium iced capp made with milk that is 3 points, it’s the small. *rolls eyes* I was quite upset when I learned this, more because all those other weekends where I treated myself I miscalculated my points but hey, I lost weight anyways! Gotta look on the bright side! I was tempted to count the timbit and capp incorrectly, as I had been doing for so long, since it didn’t seem to be hurting me but that is just stupid, sigh, so I from now on will count them as they should be counted. Sucky but ah well.

I had planned to eat really light non tummy upsetting things today but was oddly enough craving things like chocolate and heavier sweeter foods. I didn’t indulge in only chocolate related foods but neither did I eat nice and healthy like I planned to. I managed a bit of a middle ground. The salad was that fiesta salad I have had in the past but not quite the normal one. I had the toppings but I put them on a normal salad that had carrots and cabbage and other veggies on it, it was not a good combo. Ugh. I ate it anyways, obviously, but the dressing combined with the carrots and cabbage was not good, don’t ever do it!

So, today I ate:

1 Fiesta salad = 8 points

1 small Iced Capp = 3 points

1 sour cream glazed timbit = 2 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1/4 cup couscous with corn = 3 points

18 Maltesers = 4 points

That gives me a total of 21 points for the day. I could eat a 1 point weight watcher snack to finish up that last point but it’s not gonna happen. lol. I will probably continue to sip on water, as I have been doing all day, since it seems to help keep the tummy settled but that’s all that is going in to me the rest of the night.

I was really worried that my weight loss this week would be pathetic because of being bloated but instead I got farther down the scale then expected, it makes me feel more secure in my weight. Last week I lost just enough to get me in to a new weight bracket but I was only in that new bracket by 0.4lbs, not a very high amount and quite easy to screw up and end back up in that weight bracket I had finally managed to get out of but this week, I got even farther in to this weight bracket and I don’t feel as scared I will screw it up. Does that make sense? It would make more sense if I used numbers I guess…so let’s say I was weighing in the 180s and last week I finally got in to 170s, well, I only got in to the 170s by a smidgen, weighing in at 179.6…so really easy to screw up and end up back in the 180s right? Right, and scary! But then this week enough weight was lost to put the new weight at 177.6 so now I am not as worried I will screw up this lower weight bracket because I am more secure in the bracket…make sense now? And no, those numbers are not my weight, they are just examples. 😛

So, despite the pain and general crappiness of the past two days I had a happy result on the scale and today I managed to eat without curling up in pain so yah for two things! Well, for three things cause each of those pounds lost should be counted seperately, lol. 😀

Tags: , , , ,

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →