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Avocado and Egg and Bowling

23 Nov

Two days in a row I tried something new food wise, must be a record! lol 😛

I had the other half of the avocado from yesterday, anybody who knows avocados knows that half wouldn’t last very long, as in, not past today but I didn’t have anymore tuna so I had to find something else to try.  I kept seeing recipes on my facebook news feed for baked avocado with egg so I googled and voila! a whole lotta recipes came up. Gotta love google!

mine looked fairly close to this

mine looked fairly close to this

Basically you cut an avocado in half, take out the pit, scoop a bit out of each side of the avocado (some sites recommend 2 tblsp of avocado get scooped, I just kinda eyeballed it), crack an egg into the hole, bake for 15-17 minutes at 425 degrees. The cooking time is also approximate, each recipe had slightly different times but all said keep an eye on it and bake until the white part is set. shrug. Seemed fairly easy.

Most of the recipes used a variety of seasoning, everything from salt and pepper to paprika, fresh chives etc. I don’t get that. Why people always feel the need to season food to taste like something else when it tastes really good as it is. Like veggies. People so often seem to drown their veggies in a sauce or seasonings and that confuses me, I like how veggies taste, I am perfectly happy to cook some veggies and eat them just like that, so they taste like how they naturally taste. Seems to be a “me” thing though, shrug. Anyways, I wondered if maybe this combo needed seasoning, maybe it wouldn’t be good without, so I put some pepper on it.

It tasted sooooo good! As long as you like eggs with runny yolks and avocado you will love this combo! 😀 I didn’t mind the pepper but to be honest I probably won’t use it if I get to make this again, I just don’t see the need, and neither do my taste buds lol

I had a side of turkey bacon with it. Being the carb lover I am a piece of toast would have gone greeeat with this meal but alas, no bread for me. sigh. It was still quite delish without it. 🙂

I kinda messed up this evening though. Oh dear.

My dragon boat team was hosting a fundraiser this evening, know what this means? Food! Drinks! Temptation! I was so hoping I could come back home, log on here and boast about how I made it through the entire evening without eating but let’s get real here, this is me, and I ate. Ugh. I’m calling myself names right now so don’t feel the need to do that for me k? 😉

I ate dinner before I went, I had a piece of tilapia on top of a salad, it was MmmMmm Good! lol I purposefully ate a nice big salad in the hopes it would get me through the evening. I almost made a protein shake to drink in the car on the way there to sorta top me up but that seemed like overkill. lol. Now I’m thinking I should have done that, hindsight is always 20/20 though, stupid hindsight, *glares*

I tracked the best I could tho! I counted everything I ate and didn’t touch sooooo much of the delish looking food, even though I really really wanted to. I totally caved with the nanaimo bars though, I have a weakness, *big epic sigh* Nanaimo bars are so good! But soooo bad for me! Almost 200 calories per piece! That’s ridiculous! Especially since it’s a small piece! If I was going to eat a square of nanaimo bar the least I could have done was eat one piece, not two but nooOOOooo not me, I had to have two *rolls eyes at self*.

I got home and added the food I ate at the fundraiser to my Lose It! app. There were a couple items that are approximated but I think fairly close, and just in case I estimated high. Luckily I bowled so I burned some calories there, yay!

I’m mad at myself for eating while at the fundraiser, I wasn’t feeling particularly hungry, it was seeing everyone else eating and enjoying the food that made me want to eat. Like I had to eat to fit in or something…which is dumb cause it is my dragon boat team, I already have a place there, no need to try to fit in. I was feeling a bit apart from everything though, I mean, it was great to see everyone, and the fundraiser seemed to go well, people had fun, but I felt like I had to force myself to be social, push myself to seem like I was having as good a time as everyone else. Normally at dragon boat functions I just have fun, no pushing needed, but not this evening…I guess I’m still dealing with what happened last weekend?

By the time I got home I really wanted to eat! Not because I am hungry, but because, well, I want to. Which is stupid. If I wasn’t tracking my food, even though I had nibblies at the fundraiser I would have without second thought dived in to some sort of food. Cookies maybe, or some toast, Mmm bread!, chocolate perhaps, or a banana pudding…I don’t know what I would have eaten but I would have eaten something. Instead I made a cup of tea, sat down and started blogging while watching a movie on my tv. Ahh multi-tasking! lol I guess I should be proud of myself for not caving and eating something else when I’m not actually hungry but right now all I feel is deprived lol But what am I depriving myself of? Over indulging on un-healthy food I don’t need that will make me fatter? Why do I feel deprived about that?! That’s messed up my friends. Messed. Up.

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The Wagon

25 Jul
me waving goodbye to the Insanity wagon, sigh.

me waving goodbye to the Insanity wagon, sigh.

Imagine a wagon that represents the Insanity Program. Now imagine a 5’8″ redhead falling off that wagon, rolling on the dusty road, landing in the ditch, then crawling out of that ditch only to see the wagon never stopped and is too far away to catch so she does the only possible thing, she waves goodbye, sighs a bit, and comes to the realization she has woefully fallen off the Insanity Wagon, and fallen hard!

That is me, sigh.

😛

Have no fear though! I am jumping right back on…on Monday. 🙂

Now, I hate when people say “I’m starting a new diet on Monday” or “I’m going to start exercising on Monday” or anything else along those lines. Why wait till Monday?? What makes Monday so special? If anything, start Friday, people hate Mondays, they are tired and cranky and just want the day to end on Mondays, how is that a good day to be starting anything let alone a new diet and/or exercise plan? *rolls eyes* Start on a day you are happy, a day you enjoy, a day you aren’t counting the minutes down until you can go home and do nothing.

Anyways!

Since last weekend when I was out of town racing I have been an epic fail at following the Insanity Program, food wise and exercise wise. I’m ticked at myself over this, royally ticked! Grr to me!

I knew I wouldn’t be able to follow the eating or exercise  plan on the Saturday and at least part of the Sunday but I thought once I was home Sunday I’d do the exercise session I’d missed on the Saturday and jump right back in to the eating plan…that soooooo didn’t happen! I was super tired and just couldn’t bring myself to exercise, that was already compounding the issue that not only had I missed the exercise dvd on Saturday I also didn’t have time to exercise on the Friday so that was two days in a row missed, ack! Plus, on the Sunday I was too tired to care about cooking or making sure I was eating the right amount of calories per meal or even the right amount of calories per day. I did eat meals from the Insanity Program meal plan once home on the Sunday but that’s about all I can say that I did slightly ok.

Then Monday I forgot to take my food to work with me so I had cereal for breakfast (my high protein cereal so that’s alright) but I had no mid morning snack. For lunch I ate food from work (salad with chicken on top, super yum!) then had stuff to do after work so I didn’t get home till after dinner time which means my timing for meals was way off that day! I somehow got my arse in gear and did an exercise session but I was lost as to which one to do…the one I should have done on the Friday? Or perhaps the one I should have done on the Saturday? Or should I just do the one I was supposed to be doing that day? I didn’t feel it was right to do the session that was originally planned for the Monday since i’d missed two, it seemed like cheating somehow but I didn’t want to be constantly three days behind for my exercise sessions…I ended up doing the one I should have done on the Friday, figuring I’d do Friday’s and Saturday’s exercises then on Tuesday I’d do Monday and Tuesday’s exercises and voila! I’d catch up! Lemme tell ya, that was a flawed plan. Epic-ally flawed. After the cardio workout I was all nuh-uh! I’m tired. It’s late. I wanna go to bed. I’ll catch up the next day. Catching up Tuesday made more sense, I’d be able to do one workout in the morning, one in the evening, spread em out a bit, sounds solid, right?

Tuesday did not go as planned. lol. I had a hair appointment that started a half hour late then took way longer than normal. Then I ate but didn’t have time to cook so I had Subway, then I went and did errands that couldn’t be put off, then while out got invited to a movie that evening so right from my errands I went and met with friends and before I knew it I wasn’t getting home till late. I didn’t follow the eating plan that day, or the exercise plan, while it was a fun day it was not a “good day” if you know what I mean. *rolls eyes*

From there it just kept getting worse, and now it is Thursday, I haven’t done an Insanity workout since Monday and I’ve been totally going back to my old ways of eating (that is, I’ve been skipping meals and not eating the combo of protein, healthy fat and carbs that I am supposed to be eating). I’ve been trying (for the most part) to choose things to eat that are close to what I should be eating but I’ve been nowhere near as strict as I should have been.

So I’ve decided enough is enough. Every day that I don’t do the Insanity Workout or follow the Insanity Eating Plan I feel like a big fat failure. It gets me down and I hate that. Should I have done a better job of getting back on track? Yes, without a doubt. Did I? No, obviously. But I am human and as a human that means I am allowed (and pretty much expected) to screw up, it’s just what we do! Don’t believe me? Check out the damage to the ozone layer! 😛

Instead of feeling like a failure, feeling like I suck at this, like I can’t do the Insanity Program I have decided to get more upbeat and come up with a plan of action. 🙂

I am starting back, as best as I am able, with the eating plan tomorrow. It won’t be perfect cause I haven’t gone grocery shopping but I will do my best and for the next three days that is all I am asking of myself. I will do my normal workout stuff, so gym, running, things like that, for the next three days and allow myself to feel good about just in general being active. On Monday I will start back at the beginning of the Insanity Workouts, that’s right, back at Day 1. I won’t redo the fit test since I don’t feel it will have different results but otherwise, it will be like I just started the program. I will also get my butt into gear, go grocery shopping, go back to my food schedule so I know what I am eating and when and I will no longer be “doing my best” with room to not get it right, instead I will be “following the plan”.

Sure, there are still going to be days where something goes a little wonky, but that’s life right? For the most part though I feel I should be able to get right back in to the Insanity Plan without too big of a hitch in my stride, and get back on that freakin wagon I shall!…on Monday lol 😉

p.s. fyi the reason I am waiting till Monday to start the plan again is because Insanity has you working out 6 days a week and I want my rest day to be Sunday. If you do the math that means I have to start on Monday…

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The Week’s Highlights

15 Jun

I have had so many things over the past week or so I have wanted to blog about but noooooo time to blog and now they are all old news in the past topics and I’m a little sad I never got around to telling you about them. sigh. The weirdness of having a blog! lol

Lemme see if I can give you a quick recap:

(1) my left knee has started popping in and out of joint at random times, lovely huh? Turns out all those squats I did during my squat challenge were bad for my knees (I suppose the knee pain I was feeling towards the end of the challenge could be considered an indication of that buuuuut I’m not gonna go there… 😉 ) I went to see a doctor to request a consult with a knee specialist but of course he didn’t refer me (why are there even specialists out there when nobody can ever get referred to them?? *rolls eyes*) Anyways! He gave me some specific knee exercises to do, said the reason it is having so much trouble right now is the squats had negative consequences and to wear a knee brace when exercising for the next little while. I very much hate knee braces as they are sooooo uncomfie and not at all attractive but oh well! lol

(2) I went hiking last week and thought I was going to die from the knee pain lol I went with TF and except for the pain part we had a great time! Even with my being a bit slower than normal due to the pain we managed a perfect 30 minutes to get to the top so we made excellent time, yah! 🙂

(3) I competed in our second Dragon Boat Festival of the season last weekend. Normally in this festival you race Saturday and Sunday but this year it got changed so my team did all our races on the Saturday…Saturday morning to be precise. I had already booked off both the Saturday and Sunday from work so I ended up with an entire Sunday to myself, sweet! For the races, we did really great in our second race, the other races we didn’t do quite as well but we didn’t suck either! I don’t recall the times right now but we increased our third race time by an entire second…I might be off on that so don’t quote me or anything lol 😛 We have a larger festival coming up in a week so we are busy prepping for that. It’s gonna be awesome! 😀

(4) That weird and random Sunday off got turned in to a patio brunch and errand day. I was amused (and kinda pissed) when I realized at the end of Sunday I managed to not get sunburned at all on the Saturday while racing but managed to get sunburned Sunday while eating brunch. Oh the special-ness of being a redhead lol The burn faded decently fast but still! While eating brunch? Doesn’t seem quite fair if ya ask me 😉 lol

(5) I had a friend visit from out of town for my days off this past week (that would be Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday) I still went to dragon boat practice on the Tuesday and Thursday evening but everything else got changed for those three days. We did some tourist stuff, saw some sights, went zip lining in Whistler BC (which, fyi, I totally recommend as it was beautiful and fun! http://www.ziptrek.com this is the company’s website, if you are going to Whistler or surrounding areas I say give it a go!). We also ate a lot of food, and I mean A LOT!! It was tasty, but oh wow! We had Thai, Japanese, Vietnamese, Western, Street Truck food, Tim Horton’s…I can’t remember the last time I ate so often/much but I’m ok with it, surprisingly (I’ll explain why in another post).

(6) Tonight was a big party at work to celebrate our First Anniversary. Dinner was lobster and steak (with a bunch of other stuff), dessert was creme brulee, all I can say is Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Freakin delish! 😀 I took a protein shake to work but didn’t touch it lol Good thing it’ll keep until tomorrow! 😛 It was my first steak experience and while it was good, after I got my food I got called away to do some actual work, sigh, so when I ate it the steak was cold…still tasty! but cold…I feel the temp of the meat is an important factor so I think I’m just gonna have to force myself to try it again sometime to properly judge it and see what I think, oh what a hard life I lead 😉 teehee

Well there ya go, the highlights, not as many as I thought, I’m fairly certain I am missing stuff but it is late and my brain has stopped functioning so for now, that is all you are getting lol 😉

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Rest Time Is Over!

4 Jun

Last Wednesday I managed to hurt my foot, this meant I now had a sore left knee and a very sore right foot. Least my injuries were on opposite sites of the body, so I wasn’t unbalanced! lol

I gave myself a bit of a resting period after I finished my 30 Day Challenges so my knee could recover, and also so my foot could recover from the heavy stuff that fell on it *rolls eyes at myself*

Today was the official end of the resting period! 😀

I didn’t really think about it when I was getting my gym gear together last night, at most I thought, get the bag packed now so I have no excuse to not take my gym stuff to work and if you feel like going to the gym after work then you can go. See, I have this defect, it is called laziness, I have another defect called “my cat is in charge” so if I go home after work with the idea I will change and head out to the gym, well, it never happens because (1) I end up sitting down and then I am comfy and no way in hell are you dragging my lazy ass out of my comfy living room chair after a day at work and (2) the cat gives me sad eyes because he’s been alone all day and I feel bad so I end up cuddling him then he is comfy and sleeping on my lap and in my world you don’t disturb a sleeping cat. The cat has me well trained lol. 😛

If I have any intention at all of exercising after work I can NOT go home! Sad but true.

I have been known to take my gym gear then say “screw it, I’m too tired” at the end of the day and just go home but generally that is when I am running on 3 hours or less of sleep so I don’t feel so bad when that happens lol

Today however, when I was at work, I made a decision. Not an exercising decision, a food decision. See, at work, whoever does the morning shift (sundays and mondays that is yours truly) does the baking for the breakfast that gets laid out buffet style. It is little muffins, pastries, croissants. They are killer. They are all empty carbs, full of refined sugar, no redeeming nutritional value to any of them, but they taste so freakin good! lol The croissants are my weak point. They are small croissants so you don’t feel as guilty eating them, but just cause they are small doesn’t mean they aren’t wicked bad for you right? Right!

Normally I nibble. That’s right, I nibble! So sue me! If I accidentally decapitate a muffin when taking it out of the tray I eat it so it doesn’t get thrown out and wasted (like how I can justify it? lol), when I’m plating the croissants I “accidentally” put one on a plate for me…then, if there are croissants left over at the end of breakfast I more often than not swipe one, or two…so in case you aren’t doing the math, that is a potential 3 mini croissants in one morning! That is on top of the toast I make myself…which great, right? even more freakin useless carbs, *groan* Not a good way to start the day!

Today, for some reason I decided to not eat any of the breakfast baking. I still had the toast cause it was either eat toast or have no breakfast at all and I figured the toast was better then starvation lol but the pastries? the mini muffins? the mini croissants? Nope, I’m good thanks. 🙂

Oddly enough, what I kept leaning on when I was tempted to grab something was that I had completed the 30 Day Challenges. Those sucked at time but I finished them, didn’t cheat, didn’t skimp out on anything, I got all the way through and if I could handle all those squats and all that ab work for 30 days surely I could manage one day of not eating the bakery items?

I found myself walking towards them a couple times out of habit but when I realized where I was aimed I turned and went somewhere else, luckily there is a lot to do at work so I could always find something to distract me.

And guess what? I made it through the day without touching a single item from that breakfast display and when the day was over I felt a little bit stronger for that. Not so much for holding out but for making the healthier choice. For putting my goal of eating healthy and getting in shape ahead of the instant satisfaction of something tasty. By not caving in with the breakfast goodies it made it that much easier to choose to go to the gym after work. I was tired, kinda didn’t want to go, was coming up with all kinds of reasons to skip it but lo and behold I ended up at they gym and well hey, once you’re there you can’t turn around and leave, you’d just look stupid if you did that lol 😛

The gym however almost killed me. lol. Not the working out part, although I did push myself on the cardio, but the gym itself was an oven, the air conditioning is broken so as soon as you step in to the gym you are hit with a blast of heat that doesn’t let up the entire time you are there. Oy! You could easily have started to sweat just from being in there, wouldn’t even have to do anything to work up the sweat!

Well whatever right? I got changed and headed to the treadmill. I had such a (surprisingly) good run just a bit before I hurt my foot I was feeling super optimistic about todays run and almost decided to set it for 45 minutes. The only reason I didn’t was I was parked in a one hour only zone and wanted time after my run to stretch out soooooo 30 minutes it was! I am so grateful I set it for only 30 minutes! I was running at a decent pace (for me), but by the last ten minutes I was doing that deep, slightly louder breathing and it just kept getting louder the longer I ran. Also grateful no one was on the treadmill near me lol Part of my brain was saying “stop! for the love of all that is holy just stop! you don’t have to tell anyone, it’ll be ok, you can’t take anymore!” but this little voice in my head was whispering “you can do this, you have done this and more in the past, you ate well today, you have the fuel in you, just keep going, prove to yourself you can finish, don’t quit” the “don’t quit” voice was no where near as loud as the desperate wheezing pleading voice that wanted me to stop but I clung to it, repeated over and over “I can do this!” in my head and what do you know, I did it! I ran for 30 minutes, on a random hill program, at a speed of 5, level 4, with inclines ranging from 0-5 and not once did I stop. *puffs up with a bit of pride* I know I used to do way better before, was on a higher level, doing intervals, running at a base speed that was faster then the speed I did today, with higher inclines but instead of dwelling on how I did so much more and did it so much better last summer when I was more consistent with my running training I am going to be happy at what I accomplished today. Getting back to the shape I was in last summer doesn’t mean starting at the levels I left off at last summer, it means starting a little lower down and earning my way back to where I was.

I went and stretched then headed to the locker room where I shocked myself silly when I looked in the mirror! lol Imagine a sunburn, the worst face sunburn you have ever seen, the pinkest, the reddest, the brightest, now times that by 100 (cause I am a redhead and super pale and burn worse than other people) and that was my face! I kid you not! I was soooooooooo red! lol It was quite embarrassing actually, I made sure to keep my head down while I was walking out of the gym and to my suv. I go quite red when doing cardio anyways, but the combo of the cardio, plus the over heated gym, plus the treadmill was radiating heat (not even kidding! when I stopped I realized blasts of heat were coming from the lower part of the machine and hitting me full body) I guess my poor skin just couldn’t take it and it turned me in to a tomato! A highly unattractive tomato! lol I am so not attractive when I work out and going red really doesn’t make it any better, *sigh* No wonder when I was done running I was a bit unbalanced if I was that over heated!

Ah well, who cares if I get a red face right? Just means I worked hard, I earned that red face dammit! Well, partially earned it and partially got cooked in a room with no air conditioning lol 😛

tomato running on a treadmill, aka me at the gym today

tomato running on a treadmill, aka me at the gym today

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Willpower vs. Rules

3 Jun

I don’t have willpower. There I said it, my big secret is out. I used to have it, or did I? I think what I had was a list of rules I followed and mistook that for willpower. They are eerily close and yet so not the same thing.

Willpower is when you can just say no when somebody offers you something you really really really want but shouldn’t have. Willpower is also when you can say “ok, I’ll just have one” and actually mean it. So, for example, someone puts a platter of your favourite dessert in front of you (say, lemon tarts), a person with willpower can go “no thanks, I’m ok” and mean it! They could also say “yeah sure, thanks, I’ll have one” and mean that too! They don’t go sneaking around and snagging a second, then a third, then a fourth, eating them guiltily when no one is watching. They can set a limit and stick with it.

Someone with rules has a set list of rules in their head in regards to food that they follow come hell or high water. This person, when offered the lemon tarts might say “no thanks, I can’t” then snag one (or some) when there is no one around to catch them. Or they might respond with “sure, screw the diet today!”, take two to start with and end up eating who knows how many by the end. Or! They might say “no” and end up eating something else later when they won’t get caught to make up for the missed treat. The other option of course, for the person with the rules is to say “nope, can’t thanks” and actually stick with it.

This is where the confusion between the two begins because outsiders mistake the saying “no” and sticking with it as willpower when really it was just the person sticking to their self-imposed rules.

Why do I think the saying no and sticking with it is different in those two cases? Because the person with willpower could say yes and eat just one whereas the person who is following rules can’t stop at one – they can’t say “yes” without going overboard with what they eat, they don’t have the willpower to stop. Only the rules keep them in line and if the rules are thrown out the window chaos ensues.

Maybe I am the only one who sees the difference?

The reason I see the difference is because while I was following Weight Watchers I got a lot of comments from people about my willpower, how it was so great, so strong, yadda yadda yadda. At the time I didn’t think about it, I think I usually responded with comments about how anybody can do it if I can type of thing because deep down I felt uncomfie with the term. I didn’t know why I felt uncomfortable, I just did.

Lately though I think I partially figured it out…

I didn’t have willpower when I followed Weight Watchers, I had rules, rules they made up and I followed. As much as I hate following rules I chose to follow those ones, and having made that decision I followed them to the best I was able. Sure I had slip ups, mistakes with calculating my points, unexpected events that had me using flex points I wasn’t intending on using, days I forgot my lunch at home when I went to work so I had to buy something, things like that but I’d say that is fairly normal, and things like that didn’t happen all that often, shrug.

When I plateaued with Weight Watchers I didn’t know where to go, I was lost. For all that they had taught me portion control and I now had an idea of what the layout of my plate should be (half veggies, 1/4 protein, 1/4 carb if wanted) I still had no clue what I was doing. The rules had stopped working for me and I couldn’t survive without them, they were my beacon and it got turned off and I was left in the dark, on a dingy, slowly drifting farther and farther from shore. That plateau was the beginning of a screwy chunk of time for me food wise.

I stopped eating as much vegg and fruit as I used to, I didn’t make sure to get protein everyday. I started going all over the board with no rhyme or reason. Last summer a friend put me on a new track, a super strict track, a track with not many rules but the rules that were there were hard core. Everyone was surprised and impressed when I not only started following the plan but succeeding at it. Cutting out so many things seemed impractical but in my head I figured follow the plan until I get the final results I want then slowly incorporate some of the restricted foods back in to my eating plan as treats. I can do anything if I know it won’t be forever.

The super strict plan did work, I never got quite as small or as toned as I wanted but I got stronger, and there were changes, and I liked the changes.

Then life happened lol.

A severe restructuring of my schedule (I got a job!) messed with the super strict plan I was on, I started breaking from the eating plan more and more, and missing more and more gym days until I couldn’t say I followed any plan except an eat-whatever-I-choose-and-don’t-regularly-exercise-plan. During all this I was dragon boating, getting in to a relationship, moving, breaking up, and dealing with all the other random shit life throws at ya. *shakes fist at life* 😉

I kept trying to get back on that super strict plan but it just isn’t livable, doable, manageable for a long period of time if you have my job/life/schedule. Or at least I never found a way to make it doable. And voila! My rules were gone. I had nothing in my head saying “don’t eat the dessert”, nothing stopping me from eating carbs (holy hell had I missed carbs!), nothing preventing me from ordering pizza multiple times in a month! I’m so disgusted with myself when I think of how off course I got…although, I suppose “off course” is the wrong term, I wasn’t on a course/eating plan anymore, I was left alone, drifting in that stupid dingy again with even less clue of how to get back. Because now I had failed twice over. Failed at Weight Watchers. Failed at the super strict plan my friend introduced me to.

Failed.

But now I am trying a new way of thinking. I didn’t fail, not at Weight Watchers, I lost 35 freakin pounds on that plan! Sure, I plateaued and they couldn’t help me anymore but losing 35 pounds is not a failure! I find I have to keep reminding myself of that…I also have to keep reminding myself that I have kept that weight off, even with all my problems since then those 35 pounds stayed away, that’s not a failure, right? (although to be honest, I haven’t weighed myself in a loooooong time and I think I may have gained a couple pounds but all my clothes still fit and look good so it can’t be that much of a weight gain) And sure, I fell off the wagon with the super strict plan, but it was never meant to be a long long term plan, and sure, I’ve never been able to get myself back on it, but some healthy things I learned from it stuck with me. Like cutting out the carbs, and increasing my protein, and eating as little processed food as possible…things like that.

What I need to find is a balance, an eating plan I can stick with, that is healthy, that has reasonable rules. But! I need it to be flexible enough that when someone offers me a lemon tart I can start building up my willpower and say “no” because I don’t want it, and actually stick with the “no” and not be saying “no” because of rules I am following. I have to learn to create my own boundaries around what to eat and what not to eat, I need to learn to make my own rules and use those rules like training wheels while I build up my willpower. Does that even make sense? Probably not…

Regardless of if it makes sense to you, I have started coming up with an eating plan that is balanced, healthy, and manageable with my schedule. I can’t afford to go grocery shopping till Friday so I won’t be implementing the plan until I have bought groceries buuuuut I can modify what I already have to follow as close as I can the eating plan I am coming up with. Creating my own rules to help me build up my willpower.

With a plan in place this just might be doable! Yah! 🙂

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Hungry hungry hippo

17 Aug

s'thing else that can eat an eat an eat

Today was what I would have once called a “food day”, that is a day where you are always hungry and eat an eat an eat, you don’t care what you eat, you just eat. It didn’t matter what I ate today or how much – I wanted more…but…I didn’t cave! I ate the food I took to work, I snacked on fruits and veggies and when I got home I ate a healthy dinner and still have one point left, oh yeah baby!

To make it an even harder day it is also a “fat day”, I am sure that doesn’t need any explanation. sigh. I hate fat days, they are bad enough when you aren’t trying to lose weight cause really, what do you do? You wear something looser then normal, eat even more food then what you usually would and figure whatever, you’re already a fat cow who cares if you add more weight to your ever widening ass? It’s not a happy mind set, or a healthy one really. Having a fat day when losing weight is even shittier…I felt like I had made no progress (even though I know I have lost weight), I felt like I should give up, I felt like stuffing cake and McDonald’s and Chinese food and sushi and anything else that crossed my mind in to my mouth cause hey, I am fat and depriving myself of all kinds of foods I really like and it’s making me miserable and just eat already!!! Normally I don’t feel deprived by not eating all those foods I mentioned, I have a goal and a reason for the goal and I am slowly getting closer to the goal but today, it was like a little demon was in my head feeding me thoughts perfectly designed to get me to cheat. It has been a hard day.

now imagine the devil whispering in my ear all day about food...bastard!

The eating portion of my day is almost over and I still have 1 point left, I am going to use that point to eat a weight watchers 1 point candy. I convinced myself earlier to use some flex points, I had an argument all worked out about how it’s ok to use flex points sometimes and why not today? But I have decided I am not gonna do it, I don’t want to use my flex points, I don’t want to get on the scale saturday and wonder if I had only had some willpower on tuesday would the number showing be even smaller? I don’t want to give myself room for doubt…and that is what cheating will give me, all the space in the world. I have a habit of engaging in self-destructive behaviour, I am surprised I haven’t tried to screw myself over already, I have never tried to resist the self-destructive behaviour…it’s hard and seems to go against everything that is in me but I am gonna give it a shot.

Today I have eaten:

2 Weetabix Biscuits = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 1/2 cup strawberries = 1 point

1 cup Roasted Red Pepper and Tomato soup = 2 points

2 triangles laughing cow cheese = 1 point

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1/4 cup couscous with corn = 3 points

mixed raw veggies = 0 points

1 Fresh Express Salsa Supreme Salad = 8 points

1 corn on the cob = 1 point

1 tsp margarine = 1 point

So far I am at a total of 21, and like I already said I will eat my 1 point candy and finish up for the day.  I think I will go down some more water to try to trick my tummy in to thinking it is full and then go to bed so I am not aware of how much I want to gorge on the cookies that are in my kitchen…or the ice cream…or the pasta…why do I have this stuff?!?! Argh! lol

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Back in to the rhythm

16 Aug

Have you ever noticed what a funny looking word ‘rhythm’ is? I had to go double check the spelling because it just looked too funny in my title; according to google I spelled it right so here’s hoping google didn’t steer me wrong! lol

I was back in my eating rhythm today (thanks to work, sigh), up at the crack of dawn (well, ok, 6am but it felt like the crack of dawn…course I don’t know when dawn is right now so maybe I am right? :P) and off to the office (hi-ho, hi-ho, it’s off to work we go!) where I had to sit in air conditioning aaaaalllllll day. I hate a/c, whoever invented it is just mean, and whomever implemented it in the building I work in is sadistic. I want to enjoy the heat of summer not spend my days wearing sweaters and drinking tea comparing goose bumps with the girl I sit next to! No wonder adults stopped having fun in everyday experiences, the wonder and joy of the world gets sucked out of you the longer you have to sit in air conditioned rooms toiling at work instead of enjoying the summer and going out and playing. *rolls eyes* adults are so stupid – myself included since I am (for now anyways!) joining in with this stupid practice of wasting my summer.  I can’t wait until I lose this weight and can finally get me another agent who will then get me kick ass auditions that will land me paying acting roles where I can love my work and have summers off (unless I do movies then I will be working at all different times of the year)…

…and with that segue, to my weight loss! Charge it! lol

I found out today that Malibu (a lady at work) has also decided to join Weight Watchers, however, she makes more money then me so she actually joined Weight Watchers while I am using hand me down books and info from my mother and taking this wonderous little journey on my own. She joined online and so far seems to be enjoying it – she joined friday so it’s not like she’s been on it long. She seems to think that my willpower to resist all the treats at work comes from being on WW and since she has been cheating practically everyday on the diet plan she was trying she seems to think that joining WW will boost her willpower in to high gear and bam! she’ll lose weight. I don’t know how I feel about this…which seems petty, I know I should be happy that I apparently provided some inspiration and now other people are trying the same program but…it’s my program! I was the only one at work doing WW and I kinda liked it that way, and well…she can actually afford to join, which means she’ll get all the benefits of being involved in WW that I don’t get cause I can’t afford it. It doesn’t seem fair that someone who joined WW cause of me gets all the benefits of being a member and me, the person who (accidentally) convinced her to join still can’t afford to join. sigh. So now you know, I am vain and petty! 😛

I guess I was enjoying being the only one at work on this particular program; it was sorta my domain and I am territorial and don’t like sharing so I figure this blast of petty-ness comes from that and hey, kudos to Malibu for trying a healthy program to lose weight…man I hope she doesn’t lose weight faster then me, that’ll just blow! lol

On a happier note, I cooked something new today! I was quite excited about it (still am really) but when talking to JF on the phone discovered that my new cooking accomplishment is not that big a deal in the land of people-who-have-been-cooking-dinner-for-years. lol. I made…ready? Corn on the cob! …no, that is not a joke! 😛 I have never made it before but there was a stand selling fresh Chilliwack Sweet Corn on my route home so I decided to buy corn cause I thought it’d go well with the hot weather we are having. Who doesn’t like corn on the cob with dinner on a hot night? I just wanted one and the guy looks at me like I am crazy and says they are sold by the dozen…uh, that still doesn’t stop me from only needing one. Eventually we settled on three which now I am glad about cause the one I had tonight was deeeelish and I am looking forward to having another tomorrow night with diner. 🙂 I mentioned to the guy selling it I was going to google how to cook it and he said put it in boiling water for 3 minutes. Nice, easy, I can do that, this is looking promising. Here is where the really sad part comes in (sad as in you’re gonna laugh at me kind of sad lol). On the drive home I peek in the bag at the corn all excited about my little treasure and practically swerve cause my corn doesn’t look like corn, it’s green! Green?!?! Say wha?? When I got home I did what all self-respecting adults do, I called my mom. 😛  Told her about buying the corn etc and then asked what was wrong with my corn cause it is green. She starts laughing and says that is the husk and I have to take that off and the yellow corn that I am used to seeing is underneath. Oooooohhh, hmm, somebody should write that on the corn…er, husk. So then a perfectly natural question on my part…do I put it in the boiling water with the husk still on? Got quite the stern NO! on that one. After detailed explanations on what to do at every stage of the corn cooking event I got off the phone and decided to put my newfound knowledge in to action…and I made corn on the cob!!! It turned out perfect! Oh, and I was right, it was a great side to my dinner on this hot summer night…it goes great with salmon. 😀

My food today:

3/4 cup Special K Blueberry = 2 points

1/2 cup 1% milk = 1 point

1 cup grapes = 1 point

1 piece toast = 1 point

1/4 cup Maple Baked Beans = 1 point

1 babybell cheese = 1 point

1/4 cup couscous with corn = 3 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 Dill and Herb Salmon Steak = 3 points

1 corn on the cob = 1 point

1 piece toast = 1 point

2 tsp margarine = 2 points (used on toast and on corn)

1 Skinny Cow ice cream sandwich = 2 points

1 pck Weight Watchers Cheddar Twists = 2 points

Total points used 22! See? Back in the rhythm. 😀 I could have done without that last snack but I figured what the hell, eat something, use up the points and be done with it. I think I have had 4 days in a row now where I didn’t use all my points so it was nice to actually use them all again.  I am a little worried I won’t lose weight cause of not using all my points but 2 of those 4 days I was sick and the other 2 days were the weekend and I always struggle to use up all my points on weekends. Ah well, nothing I can do about it now. 🙂

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Rotting fruit and overly large pants

15 Aug

What did I do today? Let’s see, I ran errands, watched a movie and revelled in the knowledge that my Lulu Lemon pants no longer fit. teehee. happy dance!

Now, I shouldn’t be so happy about this, these pants cost me a mint and they are one of my most comfy casual pants but hey, I like knowing I am shrinking out of my clothes. 😀  I have found that my work clothes are fitting looser, awesome, and a pair of jeans I couldn’t fit in to I can now wear…the jeans admittedly are a bit snug still but I am getting there. The Lulu Lemon pants really made me realize how my clothes are fitting differently. They are longer now, because they don’t have as much to get caught on lol, and  all through my thighs, hips and abdominal area they are noticeably looser. In some areas it’s not so bad, looser but still ok but other areas are loose enough that the pants don’t look all that good on me anymore, sigh. If I was clothes shopping and tried these pants on in this size I wouldn’t buy them because they’d be too big, *slightly psychotic giggle* but since I already own them I wore them anyways cause I just can’t bring myself to not wear them…seriously, they weren’t cheap! Lulu is an investment, if they are treated properly (cold wash, hang to dry) they can last for years and they always go back to their shape after washing (I know this cause a friend wore hers when preggies and they fit perfect after she lost all her baby weight) so even though they are expensive they last for ages…but they aren’t going to shrink down to whatever size I end up…this could be a problem…

Once they for sure become to big to wear I won’t replace them cause what would be the point? Like I am going to buy a pair for each new size I become, ha! I think that new Lulu pants can be my treat for when I lose all my weight…I have been trying to think of what to treat myself with…I was thinking I’d finally allow myself to eat McDonald’s (I am still going to do that! lol) but a new pair of stupidly expensive pants is a pretty good final weigh in prize…don’t ya think?

On another note I seem to be having bad luck with my fruit lately, it keeps going bad before I can eat it, ick! I think it is because of the heat…it’s making everyone lethargic and killing my fruit. Poor fruit. It started with the plums…my landlord gave me two huuuuge bowls of plums from his plum tree that I was going to turn in to jam, well, not gonna happen cause they all rotted, yack! Then today my pineapple was bad, a nectarine had gone soft, some cherries split and were pussing and a section of my grapes were fuzzy and attached to each other. All in all, that’s a lot of fruit to find bad in one day. Obviously I got rid of it all, sadly not before tasting the pineapple and one of the bad cherries, that was oh so pleasant lemme tell ya. lol All of the fruit except for the grapes and the plums were in the fridge so I am not sure what happened there, shrug, I will hafta be more careful though cause fruit is expensive! Ever notice how healthy things are more expensive then the bad for us stuff? So not fair! 😛

I did find a new ice cream snack this weekend, it is Nestle’s The Skinny Cow Vanilla Sandwich. Basically it is an ice cream sandwich that is “healthy”, or at least a healthier option if you really want an ice cream sandwich…

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm! Ice Cream Sandwiches for 2 points!

When I told the roomie about them she made an icky face and implied they are not good so I was a bit worried but I really liked the one I ate today. It tasted exactly how an ice cream sandwich should and it is just 2 points; pretty awesome! The packaging actually tells you that each sandwich is only 2 points, I double checked of course with my Weight Watchers points slider and they really are only 2 points each. Sure, someday I will only have 1 point left and really want one of the sandwiches and then I will be bitching cause they are too many points, lol, but for now 2 points per sandwich seems pretty rockin to me. 😀

Alrighty, so today I ate:

2 pieces of toast = 2 points

2 tsp margarine = 2 points

1 Thinsations pckg Chocolate covered pretzels = 2 points

1 small Iced Capp = 3 points

1 chocolate timbit = 2 points

1 grilled cheese sandwich

    – 2 pieces of bread = 2 points

    – 2 Kraft cheese slices = 2 points

   – 2 slices turkey bacon = 2 points

    – 3 tomato slices = 0 points

    – 1 tblsp Light Miracle Whip = 0 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1 Skinny Cow Ice Cream Sandwich = 2 points

That puts me at 20 points for the day. I just can’t eat anymore today, it is too hot and too late and I am too full to fit anything else in me but I figure 20 points is ok since I wasn’t all that active today. 🙂 And now I am off to figure out what to put together for my lunch for tomorrow…oh how I miss the days of running out for fast food, sigh.

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Another two bite the dust!

14 Aug

uh-huh! Another two bite the dust, that’s right! Another two bite the dust, you heard me! Another two bite the dust! oooh yeah! 😀 😀

To clarify why I am so happy…I lost 2 pounds this week! Not 1.8 or 1.9 but 2! 2! Two! Dos! Deux! Due! TWO!!!!!

Not that I was unhappy with my losses of 1.8 or 1.9 but 2 is something else, something frickin amazing! 2 pounds a week is the mecca of weight loss, the amount that is quoted by all the so called experts as the healthy amount to lose per week. You aren’t supposed to lose more than that per week (unless your on the biggest loser lol) and obviously any amount of weight loss is a good thing but 2 is the number to hit, and I hit it!

Granted, I had been sick for two days prior and was probably dehydrated when I weighed myself but I don’t care, I am counting that 2 pounds no matter what! lol. However, I weighed myself 2 hours earlier then normal which usually means the scale doesn’t show as high of a weight loss (time of day really does matter when you are on that scale) so maybe the earlier weigh in time and the dehydration cancel each other out? 😛 Ok, so I know it doesn’t but let me have my delusions. 😀 lol

To continue on with my singing:

Yesterday was plain awful!

You can say that again…

Yesterday was plain awful! But that’s. not. now. that’s then!

Little bit of Annie for ya there…yesterday was bad though. I got to work and seemed fine but a little bit after I ate I got horrible abdominal pains and chest pains and was struggling to breath. Seems I even looked horrible cause people were looking at me and telling me to go home. I hate that, when you look so bad people are telling you to leave, makes me wonder what exactly I am looking like…so I am vain, what? You’re shocked about that? lol. So I went home early and by the time I got home I was feeling a bit better. I figured problem had passed and was a little mad I left work early, if whatever was wrong was going to fix itself so quickly why couldn’t I have realized that and stuck it out at work? I can’t afford to miss a day but oh well, I was already home. Around lunch time I got hungry, shocker!, so I ate and regretted it about 15 minuter later when the pain was back but even worse and I was quickly wishing for death. That sounds dramatic but it hurt! I called the closest doctors office to me and was told they didn’t have any doctors in, wtf?! Why the hell have an open doctors office if there aren’t going to be any doctors in it???? Grr! Doctors in this city suck! I was curled up on my bed crying cause of the pain when my roomie got home so I had her drive me to the nearest hospital which has closed its ER, brilliant, so we came home. By the time we got home the pain had eased a bit, just like earlier, and an hour or so later was pretty much gone. shrug. I don’t get it.

I was scared to eat the rest of the day cause hello? I eat I end up curled up in a ball crying, not a good association to have with food. lol. It was really hot here though so I couldn’t not drink, I sipped at a bottle of water the rest of the day and night and almost drank the whole thing. That seemed to settle alright so that was a relief. I went to bed early cause the pain sessions of earlier in the day wiped me out and woke up this morning earlier then normal and feeling…not normal, but a bit better. Considering I hadn’t eaten since lunch the day before I was surprisingly not hungry, shrug, a little thirsty but that’s it. I shrugged the thirst off and went back to sleep cause like I am gonna get up early on a saturday? ha! When I finally did wake up and got my lazy ass out of bed I went and had my happy moment on the scale. 😛

Today has not been so bad. I didn’t get hungry for a really long time, and actually, I wasn’t hungry at all when I finally ate something. I ate because it was early afternoon and I hadn’t put anything in me since the water from the evening before…it just seemed time to eat. shrug. I had a salad, it seemed a safe choice. lol. The salad gave me some pain but not as bad as the food the day before and it cleared up without me resorting to tears which was nice. I even felt well enough to go grocery shopping and buy my weekly timbit lol. These little rituals are important I think, knowing I get 1 timbit every weekend makes it easier to not give in to tempting foods during the week. I learned something sad though, my information about the points for timbits and iced capps from Tim Hortons was wrong, sigh. One timbit is 2 points, not 1, and it’s not the medium iced capp made with milk that is 3 points, it’s the small. *rolls eyes* I was quite upset when I learned this, more because all those other weekends where I treated myself I miscalculated my points but hey, I lost weight anyways! Gotta look on the bright side! I was tempted to count the timbit and capp incorrectly, as I had been doing for so long, since it didn’t seem to be hurting me but that is just stupid, sigh, so I from now on will count them as they should be counted. Sucky but ah well.

I had planned to eat really light non tummy upsetting things today but was oddly enough craving things like chocolate and heavier sweeter foods. I didn’t indulge in only chocolate related foods but neither did I eat nice and healthy like I planned to. I managed a bit of a middle ground. The salad was that fiesta salad I have had in the past but not quite the normal one. I had the toppings but I put them on a normal salad that had carrots and cabbage and other veggies on it, it was not a good combo. Ugh. I ate it anyways, obviously, but the dressing combined with the carrots and cabbage was not good, don’t ever do it!

So, today I ate:

1 Fiesta salad = 8 points

1 small Iced Capp = 3 points

1 sour cream glazed timbit = 2 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

1/4 cup couscous with corn = 3 points

18 Maltesers = 4 points

That gives me a total of 21 points for the day. I could eat a 1 point weight watcher snack to finish up that last point but it’s not gonna happen. lol. I will probably continue to sip on water, as I have been doing all day, since it seems to help keep the tummy settled but that’s all that is going in to me the rest of the night.

I was really worried that my weight loss this week would be pathetic because of being bloated but instead I got farther down the scale then expected, it makes me feel more secure in my weight. Last week I lost just enough to get me in to a new weight bracket but I was only in that new bracket by 0.4lbs, not a very high amount and quite easy to screw up and end back up in that weight bracket I had finally managed to get out of but this week, I got even farther in to this weight bracket and I don’t feel as scared I will screw it up. Does that make sense? It would make more sense if I used numbers I guess…so let’s say I was weighing in the 180s and last week I finally got in to 170s, well, I only got in to the 170s by a smidgen, weighing in at 179.6…so really easy to screw up and end up back in the 180s right? Right, and scary! But then this week enough weight was lost to put the new weight at 177.6 so now I am not as worried I will screw up this lower weight bracket because I am more secure in the bracket…make sense now? And no, those numbers are not my weight, they are just examples. 😛

So, despite the pain and general crappiness of the past two days I had a happy result on the scale and today I managed to eat without curling up in pain so yah for two things! Well, for three things cause each of those pounds lost should be counted seperately, lol. 😀

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I wear my sunglasses at night

12 Aug

Being a girl there is usually one day a month I stay at home and wish for a quick death…today is my day, joy.

I woke up and immediatly felt horrible but thought maybe if I ignore it it will get better…this happens monthly also and yet never works, go figure. After showering and putting in my contacts I realized that going to work was so not going to happen so back to bed I went, ah, bed, my favourite place. After emailing work and texting two work friends I curled up with a book. I couldn’t get to sleep cause the pain was so bad but I could keep myself occupied enough that I could ignore the cramping for entire minutes at a time. 😛

A couple hours later my migraine was starting up so I swapped my contacts for my glasses crawled back in to bed and this time attempted to doze off. At first it was just fitful dozing but eventually I fell asleep, I love sleeping my way through pain, I think it’s one of the best things a body can do. 😛 When I finally woke up I thought it would be only a couple hours later, ha! it was almost 3 pm! I slept from 9:30am or so till almost 3pm, whoa! That’s a killer amount of sleep. I guess my body needed it…

Even though it was now late afternoon I was not hungry but eventually I realized I had to make myself eat so I chose high point foods, figured it was the only way I’d be able to get anywhere near my points. It is now almost 9pm, I am not going to be eating anything else for the day even though I have points left and I am still dealing with the remnants of my migraine so to avoid the piercing pain that is caused from the glare of my laptop screen I am wearing my sunglasses, at night, I feel like an old 80’s music video. lol.

what'd I tell ya? sunglasses at night!

It’s the first day I have been sick while following the weight watchers program. If I had eaten my more healthy food options, say fruit, I would have been even farther away from reaching my points. I wasn’t sure which was better, eating something processed and high in points or eating something fresh but that is only a couple points. I am still not sure which is the better way to go…shrug, ah well, it’s not something I am going to figure out tonight.

Today I ate:

1 pckg microwave Kraft Mac n Cheese = 5 points

2 pieces of toast

    – 2 pieces of bread = 2 points

    – 2 tsp margarine =2 points

    – 1 tbsp Kraft Raspberry Jam = 1 point

1 pckg Mr. Noodle chicken flavour = 8 points

1 cup cherries = 1 point

So that’s a total of 19 points. See, I managed to get close to my daily points by eating all crap, lol, not that I don’t enjoy that crap food but still, not a lot of good healthy nutrients got in me today. Except for the cherries…those were healthy!

I can’t bring myself to care all that much that I didn’t eat anything healthy today cause I still feel  like crap but tomorrow I will probably be kicking myself. Something to look forward to! lol

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