Tag Archives: acting

Not Enough Time

20 Dec

I need more time…for everything! lol

I need more time to get back on track with my eating plan in the hopes I will fit in those jeans. I need more time to get packed for my trip home for Christmas. I need more time to find an outfit to wear to my agency Christmas party. I need more time to emotionally prepare myself for leaving my cat at a boarding place. *sniffle* I don’t wanna leave my cat! 😦

I’m not sure if it would be better to add more hours to the day or just add a day or two in to the weekend…as if I could do either! lol 😛

I had a horrible three days this week when it comes to food. Each day I ate something super high in calories, and what’s even worse is I can’t get specific nutritional information for any of those days so my numbers are guesses, sigh, I hate inaccurate nutritional information, makes me feel like I am cheating lol So now I am freaking out about being able to fit in to the jeans that are hanging on my wall. The goal jeans. The jeans I have been aiming to be able to comfortably wear since last month when I went on this revamped eating plan. Arg!

Packing. Man oh man I suck at packing. Actually, no, that’s not true, I can pack and pack well, you’d be surprised at how much stuff I can fit in to a suitcase! lol I suck at actually getting around to packing…I have this unfortunate habit of trying to pack practically all of my clothes and shoes, realizing I can’t take them all, taking over half the stuff out of the suitcase, squishing what I deem essential in to the suitcase, expand the suitcase, realize I forgot something then try oh so hard to fit it in, give up and decide to fix it the next day but the next day is the day I am leaving so when I try to fix it I am super rushed and always end up with an overweight suitcase when I get to the airport. It’s practically tradition! lol

luckily my suitcase isn't that small! lol

luckily my suitcase isn’t that small! lol

I don’t have time to do any of that this trip so I actually *gasp* wrote a list of what to pack! A list! Eeegads, I feel so grown up…I packed my clothes and the Christmas presents and am shocked at how quickly the process went, maybe there is something to this list thing…Of course the packing isn’t done, I still have to pack my wash kit but I don’t fly out for a couple days yet and I need that stuff till then lol

I spent part of yesterday shopping for a dress to wear Saturday night to the agency Christmas party. I failed miserably. Ugh. Shopping is one of those activities that either makes me ridiculously happy or ridiculously miserable. The party is a formal affair and I don’t have an appropriate dress, crap! I didn’t have a lot of time to shop so picked one shop I usually have success at and basically put all my eggs in one basket…let’s just say I broke the eggs *rolls eyes* lol broken-eggs1Nothing they had looked right on me which was disheartening. I ended up buying two blouses and hoping one of them would match a lace skirt I already had at home. I tried them on with the skirt this evening and the one was ok, not amazing or anything but I guess it’ll hafta do. shrug.

For the first time ever I am putting my cat in to boarding and I am spazzing about it. sigh. He would be too if he knew what was coming. I had a cat sitter but that fell through and an awesome friend said she’d come over daily with her daughters and take care of my little bundle of fur but she is a super busy lady and the more I thought about it the worse I felt. She doesn’t have time for that and even though I knew she’d somehow find the time I (1) didn’t want to cause her even more stress and (2) realized that she’d at most spend an hour a day at my place which would mean he’d be spending 23 hours a day alone and that’s not cool. I put his name on waiting lists for boarding places and was told odds were way slim so I bought him a plane ticket and was all excited he’d be coming with me. Well go figure someone cancelled and he got in to a boarding place so now he is staying here and I’m sad he won’t be coming with me and worried he’ll be miserable. What if he thinks I am abandoning him? Not coming back? Don’t love him? 😦 I took him to the vet this past Tuesday and he only finally forgave me for that today…that’s three days of upsetness over one little trip. What the hell is he gonna do when he is left somewhere for a week?!

On happy notes we had snow again today, more then the last snowfall! There was enough snow I had to brush it off my suv, some people at work made a snowman and everything is gorgeous looking. 🙂

Snow Day!

Snow Day!

Gotta love a snowman!

Gotta love a snowman!

 

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Best. Day. Ever.

10 Dec

ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod!

Did I say ohmygod! enough times? No, I think I need one more…

Oh. My. Gaaaaawd! 

BEST. DAY. EVER! 😀

Remember how yesterday I mentioned I had an appointment to go to today at 1pm? I purposefully didn’t say what the appointment was for because I am superstitious and didn’t want to jinx anything but it has happened, epic things came of it, and now I get to bring you up to date! *girly squeal*

I had an interview with an agent, an agent at a really good Talent Agency, to see about signing to his roster and have him represent me.

When I initially contacted the agency D responded and said they were only looking to expand their commercial roster right now and if I was interested then yes I could send my info to him. What this means is I would be put in for auditions for commercials but not for tv shows or movies. Well, I want to go for tv and film roles but am aware I have to earn my way up the ladder so I said yes I’d be open to commercial representation. I figured get my foot in the door, after I’ve proven myself talk to them about also repping me for tv shows and film. Sounds good, right? Right!

Well, while we were talking he said that even though they are expanding their commercial roster he can tell that I am “meant for tv and film” and he is going to start me with commercials but push to get me out there for tv and film auditions quickly because it is obvious that is what I am meant to be doing! Oh. My. God! Yesssss! 😀

What would normally be a one hour interview became a bit over two hours and he offered me a spot on his roster right then and there, no having to wait and let him think about it or meet with the others on his team, he wanted me. Just as I am. Amazing. Just…wow…

We had such an instant and solid connection that I already knew I wanted to sign with him and am so thrilled he feels the same! 😀

Normally I would never try to get an agent in December, it is such a bad month for that. Agents are already thinking vacation, filming has shut down for the holidays, the only people really working are doing prep things for January (like costume fittings etc), it is traditionally a horrible month to try to find representation. A friend of mine who is also signed with this agency recommended them to me and when I took a look at them I had this feeling…I know, sounds hokey, but that really is what happened, I just had a feeling I should apply. Forget that it is a bad month for it, forget that I am not at my “perfect weight” yet, forget all the logical reasons for not applying, just apply! It is what my gut was saying and I decided to listen. Man am I glad I listened!

The lull in the industry for the next couple weeks is perfect too. D said he will use the next two weeks to get all my online profiles etc looking the way they should, everything can get shifted to show I am signed with D, my brand can be re-worked a bit so when January gets here everything will be good to go and he can start submitting me asap for auditions. Who’d of thought a lull in filming would be a good thing? lol

We talked about getting me in front of casting directors, workshops, my headshots, all kinds of things. He is so pro-active about getting me seen and getting me in the audition room that I feel really confident about what we can accomplish. 🙂

Oh, and get this! He never once said I have to lose weight! He believes in diversification, he knows the trends are changing, people want to see a wider variety of looks on screen and instead of trying to force me to look like everyone else he is going to promote me the way I am, because I have my own look, I am unique, there is no one else that looks like me and the industry is changing and seeing they need that different look. I love this man. I have had agents say they won’t put me out for work until I get 15 pounds underweight! Not “lose a bit of weight” but “get 15 pounds underweight”! that is so unhealthy! Not just for the body but the psyche. Being told you are worthless as an actor until you are underweight by a noticeable amount, not cool. It really messes with a girl, boo! But D, he loves how I look. He loves how I can pull of different “types” (badass, down to earth, quirky etc) and what is great is he noticed while we talked all those different parts of my personality (and more) which means he is observant and will be better able to sell me to casting directors because he really does know I can be all those different things, he isn’t just making it up.

Can ya tell I’m still over the moon about today? lol

This morning I was an unrepresented actor with not a lot of hope for landing a well paying roll. Tonight I go to bed a represented actor whose chances just got a whole hell of a lot better.

I can’t wait for 2014 to get here, I am going to make it my year!

Maijah Lewk Logo

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Stuff To Share

28 Nov

Alrighty, so I skipped writing a post yesterday and now I feel I have too much stuff to share and not enough time to type…that and I’m sure I’d lose all my readers before they got through such a long post lol I thought I’d try writing it all in bullet form, see how that goes, shall we give it a go? 🙂

  • I picked up my new headshots today! Yay! The levels of excitement I have over this are through the roof! They turned out great – I always feel like I’m being narcissistic when I say that lol I don’t mean they are great because of me but because of the border and the font for my name and the overall look of the thing. I want to share them with you but I don’t have photo shop so I can’t black out my name along the bottom and while I might be leaning to the side of “it’s ok to share pics of me on this blog now” I don’t want to give you my full name…no offence but I think we still need a bit of space between you an I, don’t you? 😉
  • When I was picking up the headshots I was driving through the sketchy part of downtown and saw a homeless guy sitting on the sidewalk, leaning against a building, surfing on his laptop. For some reason this made me really curious about what he was doing, updating his facebook status? Tweeting the random stuff he sees? Looking for an online sale? Job hunting?
  • Two days in a row I made sure to go to Zumba, yay me! I resisted my natural inclination to be lazy and exercised. I’m really enjoying Zumba, I get all sweaty and gross but have lots of fun while doing it. I have trouble thinking of Zumba as real exercise because of how much fun it is. Don’t take this to mean I look good while doing it! Oh heavens no! But hey, most of us look ridiculous to some degree so I figure that’s ok. 🙂
if I keep doing Zuma do I get to look like this? Pleeeeease?

if I keep doing Zuma do I get to look like this? Pleeeeease?

  • I have been searching for a replacement piece for one of my cat’s toys for almost a week, finally got it which means the cat has stopped giving me looks of death every time he tries to use his toy and can’t lol Oh, and because I can’t resist buying the little furball stuff I bought him a soft catnip filled toy in the shape of a pig. Cutest. Thing. Ever!! For those of you who don’t know I heart pigs and seeing my cat scoop a little pig in to his mouth then walk purposefully away so he can have privacy while he plays with it was freakin adorable!
  • Another cat story, last night the cat clawed me in juuuuust the wrong way, ouch! His claw sliced through where my thumbnail connects to the skin of my thumb, along the side of the nail. He got quite deep and it bled for ages. Now it hurts to do pretty much everything and I am still muttering under my breath about getting a dog (in an attempt to put him in his place). He is of course acting super extra over the top cute (not a hard thing for him) and knows that I will forgive him soon…he probably also knows he doesn’t have to fear a dog being brought in here since he is obviously in charge, sigh, I’m so whipped 😛
I swear it is a lot worse then it looks in this pic and I'm not just a big baby lol

I swear it is a lot worse then it looks in this pic and I’m not just a big baby lol

  • I watched an interesting documentary this evening called Xmas Without China. About how people in the States are so anti-China and anti products being imported from China but could not survive without them. A family got rid of all items in their house for the month of December that were Made In China and were not allowed to buy anything that was Made In China. Lemme tell ya, their place looked bleak once everything was taken away. Even their dishes were gone! It gave them a new perspective on just how much they rely on other countries (specifically China) to survive and how they as a country don’t really produce anything and the guy who came up with the project learned to be a bit less biased towards the States (probably a good thing since he moved there when he was 8 from China and is now at least mid-twenties).
  • I have lost the ability to sleep at night, ugh. I am going to bed later and later and even once I am in bed I don’t fall asleep, I just lie there, for ages. That’d be fine if I wasn’t about to start my work week, meaning I will have to actually get up at a decent time instead of sleep the day away. I’m not sleeping any longer than anyone else (on average) I’m just sleeping 4am-noon instead of 11pm-7am.
  • I’m really sick of the ads for Black Friday. Even though this weekend is not our Thanksgiving the stores up here give all the same Black Friday sales as you would get if you were in the States so there is a constant bombardment of ads via email, tv, billboards, radio, websites and any other way you can imagine telling us to shop! shop! shop! It’s not that I don’t like shopping but having a holiday that is supposed to be about families getting together, spending time with each other and thinking about what you are thankful for being oh-so-over-board commercialized is making me mildly disgusted with the whole thing. I don’t remember it being this bad last year, was it this bad last year? Also, I keep hearing that stores in the States are opening on Thanksgiving? Seriously? People don’t get a day to just chill with their families without feeling like they are missing all the best deals? Oy! I’d be pissed if I normally got it off but now had to work it because some corporate suit decided the store should open so he/she gets their yearly bonus *rolls eyes*
  • I bought mandarin oranges, Mmm! A sure sign of it being the Christmas Season! It’s ridiculous, no way can one person eat an entire box but I’ll do my best and then share the rest. 🙂
Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!

And that is it for now! 🙂 I’ll type you all later!

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The Aftermath

13 Nov

It is amazing how being sick can throw everything off kilter, and I mean everything! 

"No More Sick Days Allowed!" says me to me

“No More Sick Days Allowed!” says me to me

This past Monday was my first day feeling healthy, yay! 😀 I only had one coughing fit, I got to the end of my work day and still had most of my voice and energy, it was all kinds of good. This means that my days off are being used to get back on track food wise, exercise wise, errands wise, acting wise…you get the idea lol.

I have to go agent hunting, sooooo stressful! There is a lot that has to be done prior to submitting your info to agents when going agent hunting. You need new headshots, you need to get those headshots printed, you need to revamp your demo reel and resume. Submissions are all done electronically now so you have to take care of that.  For some people this might not be a big deal but for me it takes a while because it all costs money, sigh. And not small amounts of money, nope, decent chunks of the stuff, something I don’t have randomly lying around. I got my headshots done a bit ago but haven’t been able to afford to print them. I’m finally able to do that so I’ll be placing the order soon (as in tomorrow when the shop is open). I started the process of revamping my online account so I can electronically submit to agents, I’ll be working more on it after I finish typing this post. I decided I can’t afford to redo my demo reel so I am going to continue using the one I have, luckily I still look the same (for the most part) and I am also working on memorizing a monologue to perform if the agents want to see something a bit newer. Luckily I’ve been working on some independent projects and can provide links to them, or at least to one of them (its on YouTube) and I juuuuust might be able to get a copy of something else I have been working on if I’m lucky! *crosses fingers* So that’s all good, I’m working on getting my submissions out there and while I wish I was moving a bit faster with it I am doing the best I can. 🙂

Food wise, well, hmm, a lot of food went bad while I was sick, oops! What can I say, when I am sick my appetite nose dives, shrug. I did a clean sweep of my fridge this evening and oh wow, soooooo much stuff had to be thrown out (well, technically, it was composted, but still!) I have been talking to a friend at work who is a personal trainer, asking for her help with getting in better shape. The way I work is easy, I need rules, I need someone to give me a list of rules, better yet an eating plan, a very specific eating plan, and I need for them to say “follow this, don’t deviate, deviating is cheating and you won’t lose weight if you cheat, just follow it even though it sucks and I guarantee it will work” or something along those lines lol. I had a friend who isn’t a trainer but who is in really good shape and he did something along those lines a long time ago, I think it was almost 2 years ago, wow, I can’t believe I’ve known him that long, crazy! Anyways! lol When I followed the eating plan he gave me it was hard, it was restrictive, it was not conducive to having any kind of social life but it worked. Something that works is what I want, I want that more then a huge wide variety of food, I want that more then a social life that revolves around eating, I want that more than anything (well, what I want most over anything ever is for my acting career to take off but that’s a slightly different topic…although still related…) I told her this and her response, after asking me a lot of questions and learning my eating habits as they are now, was to go Paleo. Ugh. I will do a whole separate post on what I think about Paleo but rest assured, it is not going to be a sunshiny review, I have not “drunk the Paleo kool-aid” so to speak lol. I started re-reading about Paleo, (I researched it last year), so I could refresh myself on the rules and basically skipped to the back of the book to read the recipes lol After reading the recipes I realized that this wasn’t gonna happen, not because the recipes seemed particularly hard or complex but because I just don’t want to cook that much, shrug. My fix for this whole needing-to-cook issue was to revert back to the eating plan my friend gave me two years ago. What he put me on was Paleo but Paleo gone hard core, as in oh.my.god. crazy hard core! Once I get back in to the routine of my hard core Paleo I will once a week try one of the Paleo recipes. This way, my food won’t be quite as boring, but I’ll be easing in to the whole cooking-in-a-whole-new-way-with-all-kinds-of-different-ingredients-thing while still following a strict but good eating plan. To accommodate my return to this hard core Paleo eating plan I went grocery shopping today, with a list! An actual list! lol It actually felt pretty good, going in there with a plan, getting just what I needed,  knowing that what I was buying was going to be used in a healthy way. I haven’t had that in a while, it was nice getting that back. 🙂

With my exercising, I went to a boxing class with a friend last night. I love boxing! I’ve always loved it but it is so pricey, sigh. It was a one off, I wasn’t actually intending to join the club lol but don’t look at me like that, the friend I went with was intending to join, and did join so we didn’t waste the trainers time. 😛 I maaaay have slightly over done it though, kind of a pushed a bit too hard too soon kind of thing, oops! This morning my voice was not quite all there and the throat was back to hurting and today I’ve been way low on energy, more so than normal. Because of that I didn’t go to the gym today like I intended but will for sure exercise tomorrow. Maybe it’s better to start back with the exercising by going every second day, don’t push the body too too far until for sure it is 100%? At least this is what I am telling myself lol

So the aftermath of my cold is slowly being dealt with, errands caught up with, eating plan back on track, exercising starting back up again, agent hunting preparation underway. That cold put me behind for 2 whole weeks but I’m back in the game now and will make up that lost time quick quick quick! Brace yourself for the awesomeness that I am going to be bringing, it will be epic! 😉

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What A Day

21 Feb

Busy days are proof that the more you need to get done the more you can get done. If I am having a lazy relaxing kind of day I get almost nothing done, the dishes seem an insurmountable obstacle. Laundry? So not happening! Leaving the apartment to do errands? You might as well be asking me to cure the global economic crisis. But a day that is highly scheduled, has a lot that has to get done, those days I can do everything on my list and more! What’s with that? *confused face*

Today was an awesome day, despite the fact that it’s supposed to be my day off and it still started at 5:30am, ugh. I am soooooo not a morning person! And yet, today, my alarm buzzed and I got my lazy butt out of bed and started to tackle the first of all those many things I had to get done today…uh, the first being feed the cat, the second being hop in the shower lol

I was filming today and had to be on set, camera ready by 7am. Something I find very telling in life is that sure, for my day job I can get to work for 7am two shifts a week, I get there because I don’t want to be fired and I’m pretty sure consistently being late would (1) really piss off the person I am relieving and (2) really piss off management and get me fired…neither are things I want to happen, so, I get my butt to work for 7am, and while I really enjoy my day job, I hate those shifts. But! If I have to get up and be on set for 7am or earlier, it’s fine, it’s better then fine, I get out of bed the second that alarm goes off, no hitting the snooze button, no bitching as I fumble around for the lamp switch, no hiding under the pillow and wishing for a major catastrophe to happen so I can justify not getting up. I happily get up, mind already on what I will be doing on set that day as I trip over the cat on my way to his food dishes and then hop in the shower – seriously, that is how every day starts for me, dealing with the cat’s stomach then my cleanliness…:P

Starting to get off topic there, oops! lol

So, up early was I (and apparently I am now channeling Yoda lol) and off to set I went with a bag stuffed with changes of clothes, shoes, makeup for touch ups (just in case) and well, that’s it…normally I would pack a snack but I didn’t remember this time, my bad! I of course had my ever present travel mug filled with wonderfully hot tea, can’t start the day without that! I got to set, did the filming, had a blast, then actually got off early enough that I could have lunch before going to work. I don’t normally work Thursdays but there was a function being held at work and they asked if I wouldn’t mind coming in for just 4 hours so there was extra staff if it got really busy. Being that I am poor and need money I obviously said yes. 🙂 After lunch, which I ate at home with the cat on my lap (he was ignoring his food and was uber interested in my Subway 6″ turkey on 9 grain whole wheat sub, the mooch!) I changed, turns out I didn’t need to take my work clothes with me to set after all, and headed off to work. It felt very weird going there on a Thursday.

Work was fun, I enjoy my time there, and because it was a little shift during a fun function type thing it didn’t seem quite as much like work as it normally does lol. What can I say, I can easily trick myself! 😛 I had to dash out of there at 5pm on the dot though because next on my daily schedule was a physio appointment that I can’t be late for, if you are late you run the risk of not getting in because there are no vacancies to fit you in but you still have to pay for the session, eek! I had a painful, but useful, session with my physio, which lately is how all the sessions are. I learned something potentially interesting though. See, I can’t afford to join the gym because of how much I have to pay per week on physio. Today, my physio asked how I feel body wise compared to how I felt before the accident, he so shouldn’t of asked me that lol The first thing I said was I feel fat. I know he meant how does my body feel in relation to the injuries but ah well, he asked, I answered. He said I could start back at the gym if I go gentle and do the exercises approved by him, that it would most likely increase my recovery time because it would be helping the muscles in my back and neck heal quicker. I told him I want to go back but I can’t afford my weekly physio charges and the cost of the gym membership so I was kinda stuck. He said that the insurance company may pay for three months of gym fees because the exercise would help in my recovery and I should talk to my case worker. So of course, I added “email my case worker” to my list of things to do in the day and did that as soon as I got home after physio…which I almost fell asleep during, oops! lol The sessions always end with me laying on heat pads for my back and neck and the early start to the day caught up with me as I was laying there motionless and warm, almost dozed off! Good thing someone dropped something and it jarred me back to full consciousness…although at the time all that did was make me feel grumpy. 😉

After all of that I got to head back to the apartment, where I have since been dealing with student loan stuff and taxes, hanging with the cat, watching some tv, texting and talking on the phone with various peeps and am now seriously contemplating going to bed since I have pre-work plans for tomorrow and I want to be fully rested!…or at least partially rested lol

If I could accomplish this much everyday well, I’d be exhausted lol, but think of how productive I would be! Actually, let’s not go there, I like being lazy 😉

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The Fake Film Festival

13 Feb

Hi all you lovely readers! I was asked to be in a short film that was going to be entered in to a “fake” film festival. You may be wondering what I mean by fake, well, the rules are this, you take a pre-existing movie, condense it to sixty seconds, and voila!

It is a low budget film (ie. almost no budget lol) but we worked hard and it turned out to be pretty funny. We did Thelma & Louise in sixty seconds. Yah!

I am putting a link below and if you have an urge to click on it, watch the sixty second video and then hit the “Like” button underneath the video (essentially, voting for the video) I’d appreciate it. The top 25 videos get shown in a proper screening! Exciting! And the winner gets a trophy, bragging rights and $10K. I am more excited about the exposure since as a newbie actor that is oh so needed. 🙂

Thanks in advance to all that vote! 😀

Thelma & Louise in Sixty Seconds

*crossing fingers* that the link works lol

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Different People Different Portions

6 Dec

I find it interesting how who I eat a meal with can affect what I think a proper portion of food is. I know that all food can be measured out and the “real” proper portion size found but that doesn’t usually happen when eating in a restaurant or at a friends place or when a friend is eating at your place…in fact, there are a lot of situations where you can’t actually measure/weigh the food so you have to eyeball it and hope you are sorta right. Usually in those instances I tend to eat less just to be on the safe side, after all, I’d rather go a bit hungry and know I didn’t eat a ridiculous amount of food then feel overly full and wonder just how many calories I consumed…but that is not how everyone approaches food.

I ate lunch out today with three friends, my credit card was very happy that it was considered a “working lunch” so one of the guys paid for everyone so he can write it off in his taxes, go taxes! lol The group of us went for sushi and there I am reading the menu, my eyes being immediately drawn to some of my favourite dishes and trying to decide what to order. My first thought was I’d get some agedashi tofu (spicy of course!), sashimi and a sushi roll. Thank god I didn’t order first! The first person to order got a mango and avocado salad, now, we all know a salad in a sushi restaurant is not like a salad in say, Original Joe’s, her salad was super duper tiny, just some slices of fruit piled on top of each other with some sprouts underneath…not my idea of a salad but oh well. Thing is, when I heard her order that and only that I was all “oh crap, I can’t order three things, I’ll look like a freakin pig!” The next person to order got two sushi rolls and some miso soup, that made me feel a bit better, least she got two things (three technically cause she got two orders of rolls but she got the same kind twice so it doesn’t feel like it should count somehow…) My turn! Big breath, I can do this, I can order without looking like a pig, right??? I got an appetizer sashimi and one sushi roll, phew, that’s not so bad, go me! 🙂 The fourth person ordered two rolls I think…so, except for the person who just got the tiny salad we all got roughly the same amount of food, and of course in the spirit of sushi we all tried each others – don’t you love that about sushi? 😀

Afterwards though it really got me thinking, some friends I know would have looked at what we each individually ordered and been appalled at the lack of food. They would have ordered 3-4 items for themselves and expected everyone else to do the same, and even then they might still order a second round of food later because to them, that is normal portion sizes.

All foods are like this, not just sushi, people have different ideas of what is a “normal” amount of food to order or cook and it can be hard when eating with someone who has a drastically different portion size in mind because either someone ends up feeling starved or someone ends up feeling obligated to eat more then they want…neither is a good spot to be in. You’d think people could just be happy with letting the others at the table eat the amount they are comfortable eating but nope, generally that doesn’t happen…why can’t that happen??? *confused face*

I can actually divide the people in my life via portion sizes ordered/eaten at restaurants. It’s kind of funny, and really indicative of what career path that person has chosen. Everyone I know who acts orders small, just like today at lunch. We are all actors, we all have to think not only what do we look like in real life but on camera and so we all tend to order small. I think actors also tend to be more cautious about what they will eat in front of other actors just because you don’t want to be judged or thought negatively about because you ate too much. Hey, it’s a visual media, it’s just how it goes, shrug. But my friends who don’t act tend to order/cook larger amounts of food. So, when I am with my non acting friends if I am not careful I tend to match how much I eat to how much they eat which in the long term? not a good way to go. In the short term though, sooooooo nice to order a pasta dish and not ask for half of it to be automatically put in a to go box and to get a salad with dressing (even if I do put it on the side lol) I love going out to eat with my friends who aren’t going to look at my plate and judge me because I ate everything on it, or who might raise their eyebrows at me because I ate carbs, or used dressing or whatever. At the same time though, some people I know push food at me and it makes it really hard. If food is pushed at me I tend to eat even less of it because I don’t like having someone trying to force me to eat an amount of food they think is right. If my stomach holds less than yours, or I am less willing to overeat at a meal or eat a meal sized portion of something that is bad for me I don’t want you demanding, forcing, cajoling me in to eating more then what I say I want. Just respect my food limits and maybe I’ll stop judging you for eating what I think is way too much food. 😛

Sorry, this turned in to a bit of a rant and I didn’t mean it to, food is just a sensitive subject with me and since I’ve been trying to get my food balance back lately I’ve been more aware of just how out of whack it got due to the influence of others. Not cool. 😦

I know some people say eat whatever you want as long as you work it off, that is a myth and not a healthy way to live. Stuffing your body is not good for your body, it over taxes your system, you store too much of the food as fat (even if you don’t look fat you can have health issues related to obesity because you are a skinny-fat person…hey, totally a real thing!) and to top it off over eating messes with the chemicals released in your brain and your energy levels and all kinds of things. I know under eating isn’t good either but that’s why I am trying to find my food balance again, I used to have it, in the old apartment, when I had my eating plan and exercise routine all worked out…I’ve really got to get back to that because this up and down way of eating I am doing right now isn’t any better for me then under eating at every meal or over eating at every meal. Man, it sucks that food can be so hard sometimes, sigh.

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I Am An Actor

12 Feb

  • I Am An Actor

    Ok, so this isn’t really a post since I’m not going to write a lot, lol, just thought I’d share this with all of you. 🙂
    I’ve had an awesome weekend, I was trying on clothes and discovered I have gone down a size, yah! I knew my pants were fitting looser but I thought it was cause they are all about the same age and they were stretching out a bit, turns out nope, they really are bigger on me lol. Don’t you love when that happens?
    I feel I shouldn’t celebrate it too too much since I didn’t lose the size by eating healthy and exercising, I did it through poor eating habits and sporadic exercise and really, it’s probably my body’s way of trying to cope with less vitamins and nutrients and more sugar and caffeine but hey, for today anyways I will do a happy dance and rejoice. 😀
    Tomorrow I am meeting up with a contact, we are going to write a short film and post it on youtube, mostly just for fun but if it goes viral and makes us famous we’re cool with that lol. 😉  Also, in the world of contacts, I have a friend whose best friend is involved in making 3 (count that, THREE!) films this year so he asked for my headshots and demo reel so he could give them to his friend. Oh I hope something comes of it! So many “big breaks” come from contacts that the actor has and I don’t have many of those at all (read that to mean I have none 😛 ) *crossing fingers*
    I spent this weekend shopping (mostly window shopping, but I still got to try some stuff on lol), went dancing with friends saturday night which I feel should count as exercise since we were shakin’ our tailfeathers 😉 then today (sunday) I went for brunch with KL, we caught up on all our gossip (hey, we’re girls, it’s what we do!) I love going for brunch with KL, we always have so much fun. 😀 Um, let’s see, then I came home and hung out with the cat, had a nap, which has unfortunately caused me to be not alert exactly but not as exhausted as I would like considering I want to be going to bed soon (it’s 12:13am on Monday…although, when I publish this I will alter the time to be still on Sunday so it shows up on the calendar of my posts on the day I want it to, aren’t I so sneaky? teehee)
    I didn’t do any “real” exercise this weekend, unless you count shopping, dancing and walking lol. I can’t bring myself to be upset about it though since I’m down a siiiiiize! Sorry I keep bringing that up, it’s just so exciting since I’ve been plateaued for sooooo long! Maybe, if I start eating closer to properly and exercise more frequently I’ll not only maintain this new size but go down a bit farther? Ooooh, the excitement! lol
    And look at that, looks like I wrote enough it really is a normal post after all, sigh, I’m so chatty *rolls eyes*

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3 Good Days

9 Oct

I believe in balance in life, never are all things good or all things bad – I think if something goes great in one aspect of your life then in another area something not so great will happen to keep your balance in check. It’s like a karma thing. 🙂

Well, I’ve had three really good things happen three days in a row…I’m disturbed slightly by this and wondering what is about to happen to balance those things out. But then I think maybe the three good things are balancing out the not so great things that had happened recently so maybe there’s no need to worry…guess I’ll find out! lol

The first good thing was getting the Agent on Thursday – by far the best of all three things! 😀 I will not blather on about it since I already wrote an entire post about it but suffice to say I am still riding high from that lol.

The second good thing was on Friday when my new roomie and I finally found a new apartment. It’s pretty sweet looking and has almost everything we want/need. We realized we were never going to find a place that had everything but this one comes pretty close. 🙂 The rooms are a good size, it’s big enough to fit all our furniture, hardwood floors, decent sized kitchen, little balcony, laundry on site, free covered parking, close to everything a person could possibly need which means I can walk to do stuff instead of drive thereby saving money on gas (which is good cause it went up to $1.40 yesterday! ack!). It’s in a totally different area of the city then where I live now so there will be the fun of getting used to a new area – something I am looking forward to and yet, not looking forward to lol.

The third good thing happened on Saturday. My day job is as an on-call nanny and for that I have to have my cpr/first aid certificate, well, the silly thing expired so I had to recertify. I always think to recertify you should be allowed to just write the test not have to retake the whole class cause geez, 9 hours being told stuff I already know? Boring! Anyways, the good thing was I passed with 100% and can continue to work my day job…ya know, until I become rich and famous lol.

So yah, a good three days. 😀 I wonder what the next three days will hold…

On the food front I have to confess, I have been about the worst Weight Watcher in the history of Weight Watchers for the past, oh, three weeks or so? *hangs head in shame* I don’t know what happened! I mean, I kinda do…I know how it started but I don’t know why I haven’t been able to get myself under control, sigh.

It all started when I got the ulcer attack, I had days of not being able to eat anything, and then when I could finally manage to eat something it was Weetabix cereal drowned in milk. Anything other then the cereal was still causing massive pain but I got to a point where I needed food – I felt like I was being starved to death and really, it’d been like a week since I had eaten properly so in my defence, I was kinda being starved…just ya know, by my own stomach’s ability to digest not by like, some psycho holding me hostage and not feeding me (I watch a lot of Criminal Minds lol)

I got to a point where I would eat something even though I knew I was gonna pay for it with pain cause I just had to eat and I got this mind set that if it’s gonna hurt no matter what I eat I might as well eat something really yummy – make the pain worth it. So I would eat whatever I wanted. I was only eating like once a day so it’s not like I was gorging multiple times a day or anything but for that one meal there were no rules. I ate pie, pizza, cookies, pasta…whatever I craved, shrug. I justified it to myself by saying “go ahead, eat whatever you want, it’s gonna be the only food that goes in you today so might as well make your taste buds happy since no matter what your stomach won’t be”

Once I started being able to eat and not feel pain all the time I did try to eat normally. Mostly cause I noticed that some foods still caused me trouble but others didn’t. I could only eat really small amounts at a time and only about twice a day so I was still feeling starved but not quite as badly lol. But see, that’s when it got bad cause the more I was able to tolerate food the more I was craving really bad for me things and it appeared my ability to say no to myself had disappeared…gain an ulcer lose my self-control? Bad trade off in my opinion. lol.

I started eating pastries, and hot cocoa, and more cookies, and more pie. Every evening I would swear that the next day I’d get back on track and the next day I might even have started it eating properly but somewhere during that day I’d make a stupid move and binge eat on something. sigh. It’s gotten to the point that I am scared to step on the scale and I can see in the mirror that I am bigger. I am poofier in the abdomenal area and my love handles are more handle-y. Combined with the bad food choices I was unable to exercise when the ulcer was really bad and when the ulcer got a bit better I was still missing boxing classes due to apartment hunting.

I’m turning in to that marshmallow dude from the Ghostbuster movie. ugh.

I’m so disgusted with myself, with how I let myself lose all my self-control in regards to food. My mindset was “I’m barely eating so I can eat whatever I want” but when I started to be able to eat again I wasn’t able to change that mindset of eating whatever I wanted and I no longer had the ulcer pain happening to stop me from eating more then once a day so I ended up going on a food binge that lasted weeks. Weeks!!!! Disgusting. 😦

I tried getting back on track last week, I started tracking, I was careful with my points, I even went for a hike cause I wasn’t going to be able to box that day and I wanted to make sure I got at least some exercise. I thought it’d be easy to get back on track but I only lasted two days. I tried again yesterday, I took food with me to the St John’s Ambulance cpr/first aid class I had to spend the day at so I wouldn’t go to the mall that was across the street and buy lunch from the food court. I was doing good yesterday, I ate a healthy breakfast before I left the apartment, ate some of the food I took but when I went to Starbucks to get hot water for the tea bag I had brought with me I bowed to the peer pressure the girl I was hanging out with in the class exerted and got a half sweet peppermint hot chocolate instead. sigh. Then, after class when I hung out with KL the plan was to get a sub from Subway to sneak in to the movie theatre, however, the food court at that mall didn’t have a Subway (we both thought it did!) and we ended up going to the movie with no food. By the time the movie was over we were so incredibly hungry we went to Red Robin’s and split an order of onion rings and we each got an entree. I got a salad, which you might not think is so bad but the salad has a lemon poppyseed dressing, candied walnuts and feta cheese on it…I calculated the points for it once-upon-a-time and I remember it was in the high teens somewhere…bad salad! Oh, and I got a side of garlic bread too…the bread had melted cheese on it…

So now today, yet another day I swore I would be good has come and gone and guess who wasn’t good? I didn’t exercise. I didn’t eat healthy, I haven’t even tracked my points or written down any of the food I ate so who knows how bad I’ve really been? I know I should calculate my points for the day but it’s so depressing seeing just how badly I’ve eaten…

Maybe I’ll manage to be better tomorrow…at this point, I can’t get much worse…*rolls eyes*

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I Got An AGENT!!!

6 Oct

HAPPY HAPPY DANCE!

This blog is about me, an actress who is as yet not famous, who is working to lose weight in order to better my chances within my career field but not wanting to go so extreme that I become one of those scary thin chicks. So far, I have no fear of going to extreme with my thinness since I am still overweight lol. 😛

Despite this blog being about an actress whose losing weight it mostly focuses on the weight part and not the acting part. I don’t generally mention the auditions I do go on, or everytime I apply to an agency or work on a scene with a friend etc cause well, it’d be like someone who works in an office talking about what they do on their computer everyday in their blog – this is my job, I love it and think it’s ridiculously interesting but I’m aware not everyone would think that. shrug.

But today I just have to post about the acting part of my life cause I GOT AN AGENT!!! wOOt! 😀

Up to this point I’ve been self-represented which has it’s ups and downs. Ups being I can work on any project I want and I keep all the money I may earn. Downs being the projects I can apply for don’t pay that well and I have limited projects to choose from. To “make it” in acting you have to have an agent, it’s just how it works. I was starting to get a tad worried that I’d be the only actress left in the world without an agent when boom! out of the blue I got an offer from an agency. Say whaaaa?

I got the offer on Monday, the contract with my and my witness’s signatures on it got sent back to them yesterday and today I got confirmation that it’s accepted – all is good, it’s in writing, it’s all concrete – it’s official! 😀

I had stress that after I got the offer on Monday something would go wrong and it wouldn’t become official so once it became official I breathed a huuuuge sigh of relief, did a happy squeal and dance then called my parents to let them know. lol. Then of course I announced it on facebook cause, well, everything goes on facebook right? 😛

It’s so great knowing I have someone whose job is to find me auditions to go on, it helps relieve the stress from my life. Also, your agent is like your fairy godmother/bodyguard/backer/everything – they make sure you get good auditions, they make sure you look good at all times to casting directors, they talk you up and network for you to get your name out there, they do all the negotiations so when you book a job you get the best pay etc possible, they take care of you and make sure nobody screws you over. They help build your career, they get you the chances needed for success to happen. And now…I have one! 😀

She was brutally honest with me, which I loved, explaining she’s going to get me commercial auditions first because my resume isn’t built up enough to get me principal auditions in movies or tv shows. I already knew this, and expected this, but it was nice to have her tell me that first instead of trying to win me over by promising me a tv show or movie contract in a stupid small amount of time. I know I have to work my way up to those auditions and I’d rather she told me that then tell me what she thinks I want to hear. Does that make sense?

Other then that, nothing really happened today, lol, but I’d say only so much should happen in a day and I’m way happy that this is how my day went. 😀

I find myself smiling like a crazy person while typing this, or looking in to the distance and giggling (in a happy not psychotic way lol), when I get up to go get a cup of tea or whatever I do a little butt wiggle while I walk. Basically I’m in a continuous happy and celebratory state lol. Yaaaahhhh! 😀

Today was a gooooood day. 😀

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