Archive | July, 2011

Well, I Was On A Roll…

28 Jul

Last week I kicked my own ass making sure I exercised lots and ate super great – it was a physically demanding week but I knew the exercise was a good thing. If you read my last post (or maybe it was the post before that…hmm…)I gained 3 pounds on the scale causing me to freak out.

I decided over the weekend that I’d push myself again this week and see if the scale became a better friend lol. Monday started off fine, I Dragon Boated like normal and ate nice n healthy. 🙂 Tuesday I filmed my demo reel (yah!) and had such a great time with it – I’ll write more about it farther down – but, towards the end of filming my throat started to really hurt and I realized I had a headache, well, whatev, I figured it’d go away and getting the scenes filmed was more important then my headache or sore throat. Yeah…well…by the time I got home my headache was feeling like it was going to be a migraine and my throat hurt so badly I could barely talk, erg. Not good.

I ended up going to bed at like 8pm (freakishly early for me!) with a fever, headache, sore throat, body aches and more. It was highly unpleasant, duh right? lol. I woke up around 10:30am wed and luckily my fever had broken and my body didn’t ache as much, an Advil helped with the headache but the sore throat remained. Sucky. I decided I was still too ill to go exercise, I was supposed to go to boxerfit that evening, but like the day before with my standard hike, I just wasn’t physically up to it and I hate when people go out and spread their sick germs so I try very hard to make sure I don’t do that. I tend to have high hopes about how quickly I will get better from things so I was all “oh for sure I’ll be fine for boxerfit on thursday” – sometimes I am so, well, dense. 😛

Today, Thursday, what a day! Oh man. Stress levels like you wouldn’t believe! Today is the day the email was set to go out to the top 44 agents in the city (hence my filming the demo reel), I had been warned that most agents, if they like the look of you, will contact you within 48hrs of seeing your demo reel and headshots because they want to snag you before someone else does so I was told to stay near my phone. Well, never have my cell and I been more connected lol. I wouldn’t even go to the next room without it just-in-case! 😛 Not like I was expecting a phone call the minute after the email went out but after a couple hours I started to get worried, by the end of business hours I was freaking out! Freaking!!! Did nobody like me? Did I suck? Did I have to start thinking of an alternate career path? How am I supposed to go back to AB next week and face people and explain no agents wanted me? Could I really just die of embarrassment? I checked my online portfolio and saw on the tracker that nobody had viewed my portfolio yet which was almost worse then lots of people seeing it and nobody contacting me…why weren’t people looking at it?

So, me being me, I emailed the tech guy who is in charge of editing the film and sending the emails and asked if he could please-oh-please check to make sure the email went out…his response was to apologize, he went to confirm the email went out and it didn’t, it was on some auto generated send thing and it didn’t auto generate send…stupid technology. Course, since I didn’t email him till end of business day there was no point in him sending it out today anymore and since this weekend is a long weekend there is no point in him sending it tomorrow cause most of the agents will most likely be enjoying an extra long long weekend and will have also taken the friday off sooooooooo it’s not getting sent out till next week.

Here I was stressing all day about the lack of phone calls, the only thing keeping me sane was my deep involvement in the fifth Harry Potter book (which, fyi, I just finished and am now starting on the sixth) and the stress was totally uncalled for cause no phone calls were ever gonna come. sigh. Good thing I don’t wrinkle or get white hair easily! 😛

Back to the exercising though, here it is thursday night and I have only exercised once, and that was way back on monday when I dragon boated. Crap. There goes my plan of kicking my own ass exercise wise again. hmm. I had so been hoping to get on track with that because once I get to AB I know any chances for exercising will rapidly disappear – happens everytime!

Hopefully I will feel well enough to exercise tomorrow and saturday, and well, since I know the email won’t be going out till next wednesday guess I won’t be feeling any stress about that till then…now if only I could get my appetite back all would be good…

 

Release The Anger

25 Jul

Stress and anger not only help our bodies hold on to what weight they have they also help our bodies to gain weight – how mean is that?? My solution to this is to release the stress and anger from my body – I know, easier said then done right? lol

My life right now is fairly anger free and stress free, I mean, there is always some sort of stress (about having money to pay bills or thinking about my upcoming agent hunt etc) but that’s life right? There is always something to worry about but I think how you deal with the stress and anger is how to keep it from affecting your weight loss. Normally I deal with stress by not dealing with it, lol, I’m good at avoidance and if that doesn’t work I go driving late at night, might seem weird but that always helps me sort things out in my head. With anger I have to do something, usually what I want to do is punch a wall (or some other object, shrug), I want violence when I am angry. Now, since I don’t want a police record for vandalism or violence I instead go hiking or do some other kind of physical activity to help release the anger, it really does help!

However, I have a confused anger that has been building in me since Saturday and I don’t know how to get rid of it. It is leaving me lethargic and not wanting the violence or action I normally crave when I am angry. What I want is to hide away but I can’t do that, I do have a life ya know 😉

Here is why I am confused and angry all at once: last week I kicked my own ass like you wouldn’t believe! I hiked multiple times, I went to boxerfit twice, I dragon boated, I ate properly, yes I ate some exercise points but not all and because I exercised so much I didn’t have to use my flex points – so great right? I did everything I am supposed to! I ate right, I exercised like crazy, I followed all the rules…guess what happened on the scale on saturday (and sunday! – I did a second weigh in hoping I imagined what I saw on the display on saturday) I gained 3 pounds!!!! GAINED!!!!! The  string of swear words I want to type here is crazy long but in an effort to not offend anyone I will refrain from writing them…instead I will say them out loud…

How the fuck did I gain 3 pounds? I mean, if I cheated on my food throughout the week or didn’t exercise or some combo of the two well sure, then it’d make sense I gained but not when I follow the rules! I shudder to think what would have happened if I had cheated, how much more I would have gained, ugh.

I know people always say muscle weighs more then fat, which is a bald faced lie. Does one pound of bricks weigh more then one pound of feathers? No! They both weigh one pound! It’s just that one pound of muscle takes up less space then one pound of fat so you can have more muscle fitting in the same sized space as a smaller amount of fat.

Anyways, my friend KL told me today (after I bitched about gaining 3 pounds) that I have most likely built muscle and that’s why I went up on the scale – to this I replied: BullShit!!! I don’t have muscle, I am a weak bodied individual who has a lot of excess fat on her body. My body shouldn’t be building muscle yet, it should be shedding fat. My squishy parts are no less squishy, my not as squishy parts are no more toned then before so where exactly is this supposed muscle forming?

So that is why I am angry, cause of the three pounds gained right before my filming day (literally right before! I film tomorrow!) and I am confused cause I followed all the rules for weight loss and they sooooooo didn’t work!

I don’t know what to do now, do I keep pushing my exercise like the past week? I know I need to keep up with the healthy eating but I feel like I should be doing something else, something different since apparently what I have been doing is not working. sigh. I have been stuck at this plateau for months and now instead of staying the same I am going up – just frickin great. arg.

Shortest Day Ever

21 Jul

Yesterday I was up and out of the house earlier then normal for me, I was out most of the day, then came home in time to chill for a bit before going to boxerfit class (where my ass was kicked!), then I was home again and up stupid late for no reason. By the time I got to bed I fell asleep crazy fast (a nice change from usual).

Well, today my alarm went off at 11am but I turned it off and rolled back over (yawn), the next time I woke up it was…3:30pm! Can you believe it? Even I think that is late! ack, I slept the whole day away…oops.

I got up right away, showered etc and decided I might just have enough time to eat and get to this evenings boxerfit class…I was feeling (and am still feeling) lots of muscle pain and the idea of going to exercise was making me grimace but what could I do? I gotta lose weight so I gotta exercise.

By the time I had eaten it was crunch time but I just couldn’t make myself move fast enough and I realized something, it was already after 5pm and I had only just eaten my first meal (which was 7 points), that meant there wasn’t much day left but lots of points left…hmm…and! if I went to boxerfit class I’d earn 7 exercise points (which I know I don’t have to eat but I usually eat a couple of them if my exercise was particularly intense cause I feel my body needs the extra energy) so how the heck was I gonna eat all those points when there was barely any day left??

This all culminated into the perfect reason to not go to boxerfit class lol. 😛 I actually really wanted to go, well sorta, but the points stuff combined with my muscle pain and feeling of total exhaustion made it easy for me to convince myself to not go. *rolls eyes* I swear, someone should pay me to come up with excuses for things, I do a great job! 😉

So here I am, it’s amost 9pm and I’ve eaten 14 points, only 6 points left to eat to reach my daily points and I am sure I will manage it lol.

Now the question is, tomorrow, do I go to a make up Dragon Boating training session or do I go to BoxerFit class? I get a better workout with the boxerfit class but I want to have the best rowing form I possibly can since there is a race coming up for my dragon boating team. Tomorrow isn’t the only chance I will have to attend a make up session for the boating which is making me lean towards the boxerfit class instead, it may be painful but I leave there covered in sweat and knowing I really earned my exercise points, and, it’s an all over body workout whereas dragon boating is more the upper back and core muscles…not so much the legs or arms and I gotta work the whole body not just sections of it…well look at that, I seem to have talked myself in to the higher intensity boxerfit class instead of the easier and more fun dragon boating, who’d of thought that would happen? 😛

How To Tell…

20 Jul

…You had a kick ass workout

(1) every article of clothing you were wearing while exercising is soaked through with your icky sweat

(2) driving home is way difficult and you feel you are almost impaired in some way because you have trouble focusing and you possibly even take a slightly weird route home just to avoid bending your arms to manage the turns cause of muscle pain

(3) while driving home you sit uber straight to avoid your sweat soaked clothes touching the seat

(4) walking up the path to your front door makes you whimper silently in your head

(5) you can’t touch anything in your apartment because you don’t want to get sweat on anything

(6) getting your sports bra off is a form of torture cause it’s so wet it’s become glued to  your skin

(7) the water spray hitting you when you get in the shower makes you whimper out loud

(8) the stretching action required to get dressed makes you grimace

(9) the act of sitting on the couch makes you groan out loud

(10) realizing you sat before getting anything to eat or drink brings tears to your eyes

Voila! That is how to tell if your workout was a major ass kicker or just a regular ho-hum workout. 😀

I would like to point out that my workout tonight was a major ass kicker. 😀 Yah! I went to boxerfit class and there were way more people there then normal, so many in fact that only the first 20 people who signed in were allowed to stay cause if there were anymore then that the room would be too full, lucky I was the 20th name on the sign in sheet. 🙂 Because there were so many of us we couldn’t do the boxing part of the work out cause there wasn’t enough equipment for everyone, sadness, instead he took us through an hour of interval training, so basically it was an hour of intense cardio combined with muscle toning work. omg, the pain! the Paaaaain! aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhh! 😛

I did 60 push ups, something I heartily suck at and I lost track of how many squats I did *rolls eyes* we of course did a whole whack of other moves but those two stick out a lot in my mind right now. lol.

I’m glad I got myself to class cause I went out for lunch with KL today and ate a crepe that was filled with chicken, swiss cheese, egg and mayo…oh and KL and I shared some fries. Then I went to hang with some of the old work buddies and while I was there a Dairy Queen ice cream cake was delivered and they insisted I have a slice so I also had a slice of cake, Mmm! It was a tiny piece tho! Honest!

After all that food I figured I was done with eating for the day cause oh man, the calories! eek! I can’t even begin to calculate the points cause well, I have no nutritional info lol. Hmm, I might be able to get an approx points value for the cake, I’ll hafta check. 😛 But yeah, way high in points so I was cutting myself off…then I ended up going to boxerfit heh. By the time I got back from boxerfit and was showered I was hungry and felt I earned some points, some carbs and some protein at least! lol.

I’m not really sure if I ate too many points today and I can’t really afford to over eat on my points cause I keep eating bad for me stuff this week, sigh. Least I am managing to get some form of exercise everyday to (hopefully!) counteract the food…*scared face* Guess we’ll find out on weigh in day *face of dread* 😉

My Harry Potter Post

19 Jul

I have seen a bunch of posts all over the place about Harry Potter, how devestated people are that it is over, end of an era, end of their childhood – things like that. Now normally I would be the first to laugh at things like that except…I kinda get it.

I didn’t grow up with Harry Potter, those three lovable kids have always been younger then me, but I did watch every movie and became crazily impatient between the watching of one and the airing of the next. I remember when one of the movies was coming out, I was writing a paper for a class at university and a friend called saying she got us tickets to the midnight showing opening night and to get my butt to her place so we could go get in line. Well, hello, writing a paper! That was the fastest paper I have ever written, lol, I had it done by 10pm so I could get to her place, pick her up and get to the theatre in time to get a decent seat, then when I got home I had to proof read it and make sure it was perfect so I could hand it in first thing the next morning. I think I spent a total of 4 hours writing a 12 page paper – ah, the things we do for Harry Potter lol. 😛

I am the only person I know who loved HP and watched every movie at midnight showings (except for the first movie of course) but hadn’t read the books. After I saw the first movie I fell in love with it and wanted to read the books but I heard a lot of people who loved the books were kinda upset with the movie, they were saying it wasn’t as good…well, I didn’t want to not fully enjoy all the movies so I decided the day after watching the first HP movie that I would watch all the movies and then read the books.

Do you know how hard it has been not reading the books?? Even harder was managing to not overhear someone yacking everytime a new book was released and learning what was going to happen before the movie for that book had come out. *rolls eyes* I knew someone was going to die but had no idea who it was and it was extremely difficult keeping that ignorance since everyone in the world seemed hell bent on ruining it for me and letting it slip what happens to who. But manage it I did and I got to the final movie with absolutely no idea what was going to happen to any of the characters, phew!

Course, the whole time all I kept saying was “as long as (insert name here) doesn’t die I will be fine, they can kill anyone else but not that person!”…well, yeah, sigh, that person, that character that I loved from the very beginning…died. Waaaaaaaaaaaaa! I was so upset when they died, still am to tell the truth.

Now I am reading the books (and totally loving them!) and getting to relive the adventure from the very beginning because of course, for all that the movies are matching the books (so far) it is still a different experience reading about what those three get up to then it is watching it. And also, my fave character is still alive at this point so I am getting to enjoy him all over again. 🙂

What does this have to do with weight loss? Um, nothing, shrug, I just felt like putting my two cents in about Harry Potter and his adventures. I am sad that the movies are over, they were something to look forward to, something to enjoy, and now there is one less thing in the world to look forward to, and that’s not cool. erg.

Ok, so back to things that are more relevant, I got my final piece of clothing needed for my outfits for my demo reel. Since I have 3 scenes I need 3 distinct outfits and each outfit has to match the character I am playing in that particular scene. I was missing a black collared shirt that I could wear under a fitted jacket – I am a cop in that scene and in the land of tv/movies that is what cops wear, shrug. Most of what I needed I was able to borrow from KL but I still needed this shirt, luckily I was able to find one in a second hand store so it only cost me $7.99 plus tax. 🙂

The best part was the store is in walking distance from my place so I walked for all my errands today, it’s not the same as my hiking in terms of exercise cause it’s more of a casual walk but I still count it as exercise since I broke a sweat (a more delicate sweat then when I am exercising tho lol) and I was being physically active. All in all I was walking for about an hour and this area is hilly so I was going up and down, it was nice. 🙂 I decided to take it a bit easy today since yesterday I hiked and went dragon boating and I am sooooo feeling it! Tomorrow I will be back to my normal exercising, but a more relaxed form of activity was nice for today. 🙂

I Am A Coke Bottle

18 Jul

I am a coke bottle.

Yup, you read that right. However, do you understand what I mean by it? Probably not…but no worries cause I wouldn’t know what it meant if someone said that to me and I hadn’t been to film school, lol.

Ok, anyone who is in the entertainment industry is a product, products are there to be sold. I should amend that, some of the people in the entertainment industry are there to do the buying and selling of the products (the actors, musicians, writers etc). When one of my teachers told my class to think of ourselves like Coke Bottles and it was up to us and our agents to “sell” us to casting directors and others within the industry it made me really think about what I was getting myself in to. It didn’t disuade me from continuing on my journey towards being a paid actor though cause really, that is all I want to do so if that is how the industry perceives actors, well, that’s fine with me. 🙂

There are lots of things to think about when you start thinking of yourself as a product and not a person – there are things I can’t do to myself without some serious thinking because the changes I make to myself will affect agents wanting me and affect what auditions I can be sent out for. shrug. Soooooo what does this mean? It means that even though I really really really want to get my nose pierced with a little silver hoop and get my upper left ear pierced with a bar that connects two different sections of my ear lobe I will do neither, cause I have a face that can be quite commercial/girl next door if I tone down my makeup but that will be lost if I am covered in piercings.

Also, because my hair has to match what I look like in my headshots once my pictures were taken I became fully committed to keeping this haircut cause I can’t afford new headshots. That is ok though cause I like my haircut…or I did.

I had my first encounter with changing my appearance in a way I didn’t want to but that was suggested (in a very firm, I can’t actually say no to the suggestion kind of way) when I had my first meeting with IQ, the acting coach who is going to film my demo reel. Now you might be thinking, why change your appearance because one person said to, simple, she is crazy good at what she does and not making the change she suggested (in that very firm tone) would be the same as being told by a lawyer “don’t talk!” but you go blathering away when the detective questions you – why would you not take the advice of someone who knows more then you and is only trying to help you?

So, my hair has been changed. I spoke to IQ about my concern about changing my hair since I can’t afford new headshots and she said I won’t need new headshots, at least not for agent hunting, because they will have the demo reel to watch and will see me there with the new look but the new look isn’t soooo drastically different from what they will see in the headshots. It made more sense when she said it to me lol.

I changed my hair in the way IQ suggested…and I don’t like it! ugh. I was fairly certain I wouldn’t, what she wanted done is so not my style but others think it looks good so I’m thinking maybe it looks good but my own prejudice against this particular hairstyle is making me more critical of it then normal. Oh, I should probably say what got done huh? I now have sidesweeping bangs…sigh. I hate bangs!

The reason IQ wanted me to get them is because she wanted to “soften my look”, especially around the eyes. I (according to her) have a dominant forehead and large eyes, uh, duh! lol. This I already knew, shrug. So she wanted the sidesweeping bangs to soften my eye area and make my forhead less dominant. sigh. I would have been more comfie if she asked me to chop all my hair off, or get a piercing, or pretty much anything else but noooooo, she had to ask me to get bangs. *rolls eyes*

They totally change the shape of my face in a way I don’t like, my face looks fatter now! Fatter! I spend all this time losing weight and am working to lose the rest of it and what happens?? I get a stupid hair cut that makes my face look fatter, so Not cool! This whole softening (aka fattening) the look of my face had better work!

Since the haircut on Saturday I have been hiding out in my apartment but I had dragon boating tonight so what could I do but go out in public? I figured I might as well just get everything over with so I hiked this afternoon, came home, showered, ate, then went dragon boating. So now lots of people have seen me with these bangs – since I wasn’t pointed at or openly laughed at I can only assume I don’t look as ridiculous as I think I do, *rolls eyes* no real guarantee about that tho 😛

My first time having to change my look because someone else said so, I went through with it, and am even dealing with the change in a slowly decreasingly bitter way lol, looks like I am ok with being a product! 😀

Slightly Distracted

12 Jul

I was all ready to start writing a post yesterday when my roomie came in to the living room, sat down and told me she is moving out. sigh.

When I asked her why – in a whiny complainy type of voice, she said she can’t afford rent anymore so she has to leave. She is from AB and has no family here, same as me, so where I wondered (out loud and to her face) is she going to go that is even less expensive rent wise then where we are? Turns out she has a friend from school who has rich parents, the parents are going on a 2 month long trip so my roomie’s friend is going to move in to the main part of the house and my roomie is going to move in to the fully furnished rental suite her friend has been living in…rent free! Nice, huh?

I wish I had a friend who had rich parents and were ok with letting me freeload for a couple months…altho what she will do when they come back from their trip is beyond me, shrug.

So now I have to start two searches, the first is for a new roommate the second is for an apartment I can afford on my own (highly unlikely) in case I can’t find a new roommate. Arg. Annoying!

As soon as she left the living room I paused my movie (I was in the process of a Harry Potter marathon in preperation for the new and last movie in the series being released this week 😀 ) and posted an ad to Facebook Marketplace for a roommate and then I proceeded to search the FB Marketplace for apartments for rent, I also started searching craigslist and kijiji, always fun *rolls eyes*

Oh how I wish I could afford to live on my own so that I don’t go through this every frickin time a roommate moves out, double sigh.

I am proud to say though that this wonderous added stress to my life has not affected my eating at all, I didn’t splurge on high calorie food after she told me this and I have obeyed my points today. Yah! I didn’t get to exercise today, cause I had to be up and out earlier then normal and by the time I got home it was almost 8pm and I’d only eaten 8 points by that point so no way in hell was I going hiking when I was soooooo hungry and by the time I was done eating it was dark and I can’t walk the path when it’s dark cause the moonlight doesn’t get through to the path so I can’t see where I am going…and frankly, it belongs more to the coyotes once the sun has gone down then to us silly 2 legged creatures. lol. and wow that was a really long run on sentence, eesh. Everyone take a breath now. lol. 🙂

So now it is almost 10pm and I still have 4.5 points left, I love when that happens! I am gonna make toast and put nutella on it, Mmm! Mmm! Mmm!, that will use 2 points so after that I will probably eat some fruit, hmm, now that I think about it I will for sure eat some fruit, I have cherries and a couple peaches so I have the yummy fruit not the boring stuff. 😛

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