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Twice Yesterday, None Today

23 Apr

Yesterday I had a lunch date downtown and decided I didn’t want to drive to it cause (1) parking downtown sucks, especially during the middle of the day (2) gas prices are ridonkulous ($1.53 right now, arg!) so I’m trying to drive less and (3) I’m trying to not spend as much money which meant not forking over for high parkade fees or using the precious gas that is in my gas tank. So I bussed it and was horrified to learn bus fare is now $4! What the hell?? That’s crazy!…in my humble, non-informed opinion.

Because I have now turned in to a scrooge when it comes to spending money I decided to walk home instead of pay another $4 to take the bus. I couldn’t walk there because I wasn’t sure how long it would take but I figured I’d have plenty of time to walk home afterwards so why not? I am physically able to walk long distances and feel that if I can do it then I should because one day I will be old and won’t be able to walk a block without tiring myself out and I’ll wish I had walked more when I could. Right? Right!

I popped my earbuds on and started the long walk. It started off ok, interesting shops to look at, pretty cherry blossom trees in full bloom, random people to watch. I actually don’t mind walking places if the weather is semi-decent because you get to see so much more than when you are driving.

After a while, even with music playing in my ears that I love I started to get bored. sigh. The view was less interesting, just traffic on one side of me and non-interesting shops on my other side. The people on the sidewalk became fewer and far between as I left the bustle of the downtown core and was walking over the bridge, past the highway and onward.

I hit a stage where I wanted to stop. I didn’t. But I wanted to. My legs kinda hurt, I was bored, I just wanted it over. I gotta say, that part sucked. When I do long walks I do them as hikes on trails going up mountains, where I am surrounded by trees and nature and there is always that potential threat of running in to an animal that could kill me (bears I’m looking at you! 😉 ). Also, in the wilderness you have to pay more attention to where you are walking because of the uneven ground, twists and turns in the trails, sharp inclines and declines. Walking a mountain trail is way more interesting then walking along a city sidewalk.

Obviously I didn’t stop, who does that? Stops out of boredom? Not moi! lol I turned it in to a challenge in my head, sort of a can-I-maintain-my-speed-and-make-it-home challenge.

Whadda ya know, I succeeded! 🙂

The only times I stopped were at red lights, nothing I can do about that. Luckily I hit almost all green so there was very little stopping. I maintained my speed even when on the hills and I have proof of that thanks to my Runtastic App lol I want to upload a pic of the route I took with all the info but my phone has 9% battery right now so my Dropbox App won’t transfer the pic due to low battery life, lame! I’ll come back and edit this post tomorrow to add the pic so you can see. 🙂

In the end I walked 8.75km in an hour and a half. Not too shabby…I think? lol I never know what a good time is when it comes to how long it takes to run or walk a distance so I’m gonna go with a rating of “not too shabby” and hope I am right lol 😛

I thought I’d be home in time to chill before going to dragon boat practice and I sorta was, depending on how long of a rest I wanted lol I had enough time to have a cup of tea, sit, wish I could sit for way longer, then change, stuff my hair up under my hat, grab my gear and book it to practice. I was actually a little bit late and missed part of the warm up but didn’t feel too badly about it considering the walk I did.

So there we have it, yesterday I exercised twice, the loooong walk lol and dragon boat practice. I was really happy with myself for doing that. 🙂

Today however, hmm, lazy much? lol I was supposed to go for a walk with a friend who only goes cause I drag her, she haaaates doing any of the physical stuff I like to do, sigh. We ended up going to Costco instead and after we were done hanging out I ended up at home, sitting, doing nothing of importance. Normally I’d of at least done the laundry or something so I could justify not going for a run or to the gym buuuuut nope, nuthin. So lazy! Boo! 😦

lazy

I’m trying to pretend that because I exercised twice yesterday it is ok that I didn’t exercise today, like it will somehow all balance out at the end of the week lol I don’t think it really works like that but for today I am sticking with that illusion. 😛

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Insomnia Much?

20 Apr

I have not been sleeping well at all, ugh. Which is ridiculous cause sleeping is one of the things I do best! Well, after 3am it is lol I have always been a night owl so going to bed prior to 2am is a chancy thing, I will most likely toss and turn wondering why I am wasting time lying in bed when I could be doing countless other things. If I go to bed around 3am odds are decent I’ll fall asleep in a more acceptable length of time. However, going to bed at 3am is not a smart thing to do when you have to be up at 5:30am for work. sigh.

It’s not just last night though, it’s the past week, I just haven’t been sleeping well. Not only do I have a ridiculous time falling asleep, once I am asleep I’m not staying there, I wake up throughout the night and my dreams are weird, and not entertaining weird but disturbing weird…normally I like dreaming, I have vivid dreams that tell a story in a chronological order, it’s like watching tv that my mind makes up, it’s awesome! But not this past week, nope, just weird annoying dreams.

When the alarm goes off and I finally get up I don’t feel rested but I don’t particularly want to go back to sleep cause sleep just ain’t doin nuthin for me lol 😛

insomnia

I’m not really sure how to deal with this, so my approach to the problem has been to try to wear myself out so I will sleep better. Let me just say that so far, it isn’t working. 😦

Yesterday my dragon boat team had a fundraiser, friends and family could pay $10 and come dragon boating with members of the team, get a feel for it, have some fun on the water, see what it is all about. It went great! The team raised money, the people who came out had lots of fun, I invited a friend and her two daughters and they loved it! I am now considered even cooler than I already was in their ranking system, and hey, I didn’t even have to bribe them with chocolate! lol 😉

I thought for sure being up early for that, then putting in a full shift at work would wear me out and I’d have a great sleep last night. Ha-bloody-ha!

That so didn’t happen! *pout*

I was super tired when I got home but could I sleep? Nope. Just lay there, couldn’t get comfy, tossed and turned much to the cats annoyance until I eventually drifted off only to be woken repeatedly through the night by absolutely nothing at all *groan* then the alarm goes off at 5:30am and I didn’t even bother with hitting snooze cause what is the point? I didn’t hit snooze! You probably don’t realize how big of a deal this is but let me explain, snooze and I, we have a complex relationship where snooze promises me ten more minutes of precious sleep so I can finish a dream but not be late for work and in exchange I don’t break the alarm. It may be a mildly threatening relationship where snooze cowers in fear of failing and then being beat, but hey, it works for us. 😉

So now it is a little after 10pm, I am tired but not, I want to go to bed cause I have to be up early tomorrow for work and I want to make sure I am rested enough to go hiking after work buuuuut a big part of me is wondering why even bother going to bed when I know I’ll just lay there, jealous of the cat who instantly falls asleep as soon as his head touches a surface. The brat. 😛

 

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Rest Days

19 Apr

I’m not sure how I feel about rest days. I know for muscle growth you need them, but generally you can have a rest day that isn’t really a rest day. That makes no sense to you I’m betting, what with you not being in my head an all lol

If you are working on building muscle it is easy to have a rest day because you just divvy up what days you work various muscle groups. So, Monday might be arms and shoulders, Tuesday  legs, Wednesday back etc. You are still going daily but you are also giving certain muscle groups a rest.

A year or so ago when I was following an extreme workout regime given to me by a super fit friend I got one rest day a week, my week looked like this:

Day 1 – short cardio, arms and shoulders

Day 2 – cardio, core

Day 3 – short cardio, legs

Day 4 – cardio, core

Day 5 – short cardio, back

Day 6 – cardio, core

Day 7 – rest

I personally feel a rest day needs to be earned, and because I am super hard on myself I feel that until I am at the fitness level I want to be at, and am maintaining, I have not earned a rest day. Doesn’t mean I don’t have days I don’t exercise, but that is due to scheduling or sheer laziness, not because I have it marked down as a rest day lol.

rest day 3

This past Wednesday though I consciously took a rest day. The previous Sunday I went running, did a bunch of squats and some upper body weight work, Monday I went for a hike, Tuesday I had dragon boat practice. The run alone caused me some muscle pain, mostly in my legs, well, most likely the run combined with the squats lol, but whatever the cause, there was muscle pain. The hike on the Monday was not planned, I was supposed to be doing something else but it ended up as a hike (on a new trail, yay!) but that did nothing for my muscle pain, especially when I wasn’t content to just hike so I did interval work while hiking. By that I mean whenever there was a flat section I would either stop and do squats, change from walking to doing walking lunges, plank, do some push-ups or do calf presses (standing ones, I would find a curb or log to balance on). During the course of the hike I did each of those exercises three times, each time a set of 12, it made me feel the hike was a better workout for the inclusion of the extra work.

But yeah, so by Tuesday my legs were kinda pissed at me lol and the run I was going to take before practice did not happen. By the time Wednesday came around all I could think was my legs would never forgive me if I went running or hiking that day so I did nothing exercise-y. I did some house work but not enough I feel it can be counted as exercise lol

Thing is, while I am not adverse to building muscle, when I think about building muscle I think of my back, shoulders and arms, mostly because that is where I need it for dragon boating. I don’t really think of my legs, which means I don’t generally give them a day off. The days I decide to not go running or hiking are usually days my knee is acting up, so I give the knee a break but that break is in no way meant as a rest day for my leg muscles, shrug.

I count my runs and my hikes as cardio, and I’m sorry but who gets a rest day from cardio? Nobody!…Least, I don’t think we are supposed to, are we?  But this past week made me realize that I am dummy and sure I am getting cardio when I go hiking or running but I am also building strength in my legs which means I am working the muscles, doh! Sooooo now I am wondering if I should be spacing my runs and hikes so I don’t do them every day, or at least consecutive days because I need to give the leg muscles a rest between workouts…

Why oh why do there have to be so many questions when it comes to working out?? sigh.

I think for now I’ll just follow what my body says, if the legs are hurting to the point the hike won’t feel good but will just be painful I won’t hike, but if I think the hike will stretch the muscles out and make them feel good well, bring it on! lol 😉

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New PFD

3 Apr

You know that excited feeling you have when you get something new that you’ve wanted for a long time? That happy-dance-big-smile-want-to-tell-everyone feeling?

That was me today! 😀

I finally got my very own PFD!

Thanks to my awesome awesome brother who gave me a SportChek/Atmoshphere gift card for Christmas I am now the proud owner of a PFD.

I waited this long to buy it because I had to wait for the store to stock them again, stupid winter sports taking over the store lol I was that annoying person who called every week, sometimes more than once a week, asking if they got the new stock of PFDs in yet. I almost got to stalker level…if a person could stalk a PFD that is… 😛

Want to see it? Well of course you do! lol

It's miiiiiiine!

It’s miiiiiiine!

It is Salus brand, made in Canada and all black – as you can see. 🙂 I specifically wanted an all black PFD because (1) I hate all the colours most PFDs are and (2) this way it doesn’t matter what colour my team jersey is I won’t clash. Hey now, don’t judge cause I think of these things lol Oh, and (3) I always prefer black. 🙂

I wore it for practice tonight and it got fully drenched by the pouring rain, I’d say that means it is officially broken in lol It was comfy, it didn’t get in the way of my stroke technique and I’m sure if I’d fallen out of the boat it would have kept me afloat so yay for it passing it’s first test! 🙂

Oh, and a little happy sidenote, I exercised twice today, twice! I went for an hour and a half walk with a friend early afternoon. I forgot to turn on my Runtastic App so I’m not sure how far we walked but we kept a steady decently fast pace, no meandering! I’d guess around 5km, maybe more, which is ok. Then of course the dragon boat practice which was two hours of technique work and cardio.

All in all, it was a good day. 🙂

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So Far So Good

2 Apr

Last month I tried this thing, I wrote on a calendar I have hanging on my bedroom wall every time I exercised and I highlighted it in pink. This way, I could see at a quick glance how much or how little I was exercising. I wasn’t going to push to exercise more than normal, I just wanted to see where, in my normal routine I drop the ball.

2014-03-31 19.02.14

Uh, wow, I dropped the ball a lot! If you count the pink on that calendar page I only exercised 10 times. 10 times out of 31 days, uhhh…what?? Talk about being a lazy butt and having proof of it! 😦

I am guaranteed two times a week because of dragon boat practice but I’ve got to stop slacking the other days! The easiest day to exercise, besides my dragon boat days, is Wednesday because it is a day off. Fridays through Mondays are where I suck. Those are my work days. If I don’t get my exercise in before I go to work Fridays and Saturdays I won’t get it done because of how late I get home. Sundays and Mondays I am usually so tired after working the morning shift I do nothing but crash.

But, like I said, things have to change.

So, I changed them. 🙂

This past Monday we had beautiful weather, sunny, warm but not hot, the cherry blossom trees are in bloom, a perfect spring day. I left work late but was determined when I got home I’d go out and at least walk, enjoy some of that sunshine. I ran in to my landlords when I was leaving the house and asked if their dog might want to come with me, they said yes so I had a super friendly golden lab with me. I didn’t care where we went so we followed her nose. Lemme tell ya, her nose took us on a weird, convoluted route.

the route the dog chose

the route the dog chose

I had planned on only walking, normally I get down on myself if I walk more than run but I was tired and my goal was to get some sort of exercise even if it wasn’t as intense as I would like. The dog however had other plans, lol. She wanted to run and who am I to say no to big cute doggy eyes? I am not that strong! 😉 So, it was a jog/walk. The green parts on the map are where we walked, the yellow was a jog, the tiny little orange section was more of a run, you can see that didn’t last long lol In total we went 5.45 km in 1:02:33.

Then Tuesday I had dragon boat practice so two hours of exercise there, yay! I usually (read that as Always!) sit left side of the boat but we were short people who sit on the right at practice so I ended up sitting on the right side. It was…odd…My body is used to sitting left so it was a tad more painful than normal but not bad painful, just, the other side of my body was getting worked more than it is used to, so muscle pain. Actually, I’m still feeling it today. *groan* poor muscles! lol

Today I went for my first hike of the season. I am soooo glad it is hiking season again, I didn’t realize just how much I missed it till I was out there, on a trail, in the wilderness, away from everything. Well, almost everything, I was with a friend lol We went slower than I would have if I went alone but the point is that we went…right? I used my Runtastic App to track the hike, like I did above with the dog walk, but my phone battery was low and it died while we were still on the trail so I don’t have full data on the hike. I plan on redoing that hike so I can get accurate distance and time it took. The app recorded a distance of 8.12 km in 1:36:06 which sounds horrible buuuuut please take in to account we were on the side of a mountain, on trails, going slower than my normal pace. Take a look at the picture below, you’ll see where it stopped tracking (where the red dot is)

the hike up the mountain and back

the hike up the mountain and back

The numbers on the trail are the app marking the km’s so we went up 5km then turned around and started back down, using my oh-so-non-impressive math skills I’m thinking that means we did 10km. Pretty snazzy math that! 😉 The red dot just past the number 8 is where the phone died but obviously I am not still on the mountain and I made it down and if I went up 5km then I had to come down 5km so yay for 10km! Unfortunately I didn’t notice what time the phone died at, and I didn’t take note of what time we started the hike or what time it was when we got in to the suv at the end of the hike so there goes any hope of my figuring out the math for how long we were hiking. Hence my needing to do the hike again, to get accurate numbers.  I don’t mind doing it again though, it is a really nice easy hike, a good one to start the season with. 🙂 I try to ease in to hiking season cause it can be brutal on my knee, sigh, this will definitely be a go-to-trail when I want easy, meant to relax me hiking, not intense-push-to-the-limit hiking.

So let’s tally things shall we? We are three days in to the week and I have exercised three times, booyah! I know I’ll be exercising tomorrow so that’s in the bag. My big challenge will be Fridays and Saturdays, for some reason doing some form of exercise before work on those days always seems so impossible. I don’t know why I can’t make it happen! I irritate myself with this failing weekly. Maybe this week I’ll manage it, after four days of being active maybe I’ll be so used to getting some sort of exercise it’ll be easier to get out of bed and head to the gym…maybe?

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Sugar Overdose

27 Mar

I’ve been eating not all that great lately and I think I am (I can’t believe I am about to say this!)…all sugared out.

I am not only not craving/desiring/wanting things with overt amounts of sugar in them I am actively craving things that aren’t all sugary sweetness.

How crazy is that??

no more sugar? say whaaaa???

no more sugar? say whaaaa???

I don’t even want my go-to spoonful of peanut butter lately. If it wasn’t for having no other symptoms I’d say I must be sick! lol

Can a person eat too much sweet stuff, or just in general not good-for-you stuff and have their bodies rebel? If so, I think mine has done it.

For the past couple days all I’ve really been wanting are fresh fruit, bland meals, simple foods that have no sweetness to them. Seriously, what has happened to my tastebuds??

Now, you might be thinking that this is a great thing, that it makes it easier to say no to treats but it oddly has had the opposite affect. I’m so freaked out by this that I keep trying various sugary treats, even though I don’t want them, because I think I should want them and I feel like something has gone wrong because I am not craving them. How messed up is that?! A lot, I know!

I’ve decided to stop with the contrary, ridiculous behaviour and as of right now I am going to be eating healthier, which will result in my eating the types of foods I am craving. Keeping in mind payday isn’t until Friday sooooo the changes will be quite minor until I can afford groceries…hopefully the change in foods will get me back to feeling more like myself. I know the change in foods will be good for my weight loss, workouts, dragon boat training, self-esteem…crap, why’d I ever stop eating healthy when it has so many positive side effects?? And don’t say cause I’m a dummy, I already know that! lol 😛

Combined with my changing back to healthier foods I keep thinking about trying CrossFit. I hear amazing things about it, both good and bad and soooo badly want to indulge my curiosity. However, I don’t want to be the last person to finish, or the weakest person there, or well, the suckiest. Which I’m fairly certain I would be cause I’ve heard what some of the workouts are and I’m fairly certain if I tried doing those workouts I’d die right there in the gym lol. What stops me the most from trying it out is the cost, I have yet to find a CrossFit price that doesn’t seem exorbitant and way out of my price range. No way I am spending over $100 a month to work out, I don’t have that kind of expendable income, whiiiiich pretty much keeps me solidly in the camp of wanting-to-try-but-can’t-cause-I-can’t-afford-it. sigh.

I don't have the designer purse either :P

I don’t have the designer purse either 😛

I know a lot of people who’d say it is money well spent, totally worth it, and then question me about if I feel my health and well-being were worth so little to me. I would like to point out it’s not that I don’t think my health and fitness are not worth the expense, it’s that if I have to choose between being able to pay rent, pay my other bills and have a bit left over, I’m going that route rather than paying for one month of CrossFit and having to skip a bill because my pay cheque doesn’t stretch far enough to pay for everything. I mean c’mon, if my pay cheque stretched enough to pay for everything I wanted I’d totally of signed up for that lipo already! 😉 lol

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My Last Three Days

21 Mar

My last three days have been busy, or at least they felt that way but when I look back on them I can’t figure out why they felt so busy…weird… 😛

Well ok, Tuesday wasn’t busy lol I slept in, chilled with the cat then went to dragon boat practice. After practice I made dinner, cooked a new fish dish which turned out well, when I say “well” I mean I didn’t give myself food poisoning lol It tasted fine, nothing great so I won’t be buying it again, shrug. It was healthy though, which was what I was aiming for so yay for getting that right! Although, someone out there will probably read what it was and say I am wrong *rolls eyes* Leave me with my delusions! lol

It was a coconut crusted piece of tilapia, there was seasoning in there too, not like it was just coconut but since it came pre-crusted/seasoned I couldn’t say for sure what those seasonings were…

tilapia coated with seasoning and coconut, yams and grilled peppers

tilapia coated with seasoning and coconut, yams and grilled peppers

I paired it with some red and yellow grilled peppers and some sliced yam, those were cooked in a pan on top of the stove with no butter/spray/oil used, I just put a small bit of water in the pan so the food didn’t stick. I was paranoid about cooking the fish, the instructions said cook for ten minutes per inch and a half of thickness, what?? That’s not cool, I want specific directions for my piece of fish, I want to be told exactly how many minutes for my fish, not have to figure it out myself cause dude, I’ll figure it out wrong! Least, that was the panicked thoughts going through my head lol Turns out it was cooked perfectly, go fig! 🙂

Wednesday I spent the afternoon with my lil sis at the mall. Normally I try to get us doing something active for at least part of our time together but her birthday was this week so I let her decide every thing we did Wednesday which meant we spent the entire time in the mall. Ah well, it’s her day! 🙂 We had fun, which was a given really lol I bought a new phone case for myself which I am in love with right now, every time I pick up my phone I laugh, teehee, and yes I know, I am easily amused. It is a someecards cover and looks like this…

cause I know you care what my phone case looks like lol

cause I know you care what my phone case looks like lol

We had a pit stop at Tim Horton’s cause well, why wouldn’t we?? There is a new maple glazed doughnut out and all I can say to Timmy’s about that is bravo *slow clap* ya done goooooood! My other comment to them is where are all the winning cups?? It’s Roll Up The Rim game time and none of my cups have won so far! *pout*

medium steeped tea and a doughnut, classic!

medium steeped tea and a doughnut, classic!

In the evening I hung out with KL, we got dinner (Indian food, Mmm!), then saw the movie 12 Years A Slave and holy crap was it amazing! Brutal. But amazing. So no exercise for me at all on Wednesday, and lots of food, which is sorta reversed to how it is supposed to be but alas, Wednesday was two days ago so there’s nuthin I can do about it now! lol 😛

Sidenote:

Every time this commercial comes on tv I stop and watch. I love it, well, right up until it gets to the part about advertising for Centrum Science Multi-Vitamins cause I’m not on that whole vitamin bandwagon but I find the commercial inspiring (to a point). All those people, of various ages and backgrounds taking part in a wide variety of physical activities, leading healthy lifestyles, I dunno, something about it makes me want to do more. Try a new sport, or go back to one I used to do and stopped *cough*boxing*cough*

Thursday!

I had a relaxing morning, went to an audition early afternoon, then dragon boat practice at night then out for dinner later that night. Thursday was a good day. 🙂

The audition went great, I got amazing feedback from the casting director so wOOt! wOOt! I can’t tell anything about the project or specifics about the auditions cause I signed a non-disclosure agreement but if it turns in to anything rest assured I’ll be linking it to my blog so you can all pretend to watch it lol 😉

At practice we got informed that us girls have to train twice as hard as the guys and that we (this time I mean everyone, not just the girls) are supposed to be eating healthy (duh!) and we aren’t supposed to drink alcohol…um, what? Not like I drink a lot or anything but…none? At all? Hmm…this woman really doesn’t know us lol

Her strictness with things did help curb my appetite today though, which I suppose is good, any little bit helps right? I had dinner at work but only cause it was a fish steak with veggies, there were other things with it (mashed potatoes, spring rolls, apple pie etc) but I didn’t eat those. Didn’t even snag a cookie for dessert!

Oh and lastly! A friend of mine who is a trainer informed me that a respectable time to complete my BMO Run is 45 minutes…I’m going to die…my training is pretty much non-existent, which is not good, I’ve gotta start kicking my own ass in to gear when it comes to running, ugh. Whyyyyyy did I sign up for this? Stupid-wanting-a-new-challenge-feeling *rolls eyes* 😛

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No Gender On The Boat

18 Mar
who'd of thought I'd write one of these??

who’d of thought I’d write one of these??

I don’t usually think about gender inequality. Maybe I should, maybe if women don’t keep an eye out and fight against gender inequality it will slowly sneak back in to our lives and bam! we get blindsided by it and don’t know how to respond. Maybe we, my generation I mean, has gotten lazy because we just assume gender inequality is no longer an issue, well, at least in our first world country existence.

I make jokes about gender inequality, about how some things are “boy jobs” (like killing spiders and taking out the garbage), I never really mean it, obviously anything a guy can do a woman can do and vice versa. It’s not a matter of a person’s gender that decides what they can do, it is what they have been taught, or what they are interested in, or what they have been exposed to. If I was exposed to car repair type things growing up I’d probably have a better idea of how to change the oil in my suv, or change the tire, or I dunno, do suv engine type things. I could still learn how my suv engine works now, I just have no real interest in learning that, shrug. I don’t doubt that I could learn, and I also don’t doubt that there are a lot of women out there who can do car engine type things.

Because I personally feel that anybody can learn to do anything I don’t keep an eye out for gender inequality and I personally haven’t experienced it…until now…

We have a new coach for our dragon boat team, the coach is a woman. I didn’t think anything about it when meeting her because all but one dragon boat coach I have had has been a woman. As long as they are a good coach who cares about anything else, right?

Well, this coach is gender biased, against women. That’s right, she is a woman who is sexist against women. How does that even work??

Our team is a mixed team, meaning we have men and women on the boat. At race festivals there are rules about how many women must be on the boat for a race, it is usually 6 or 8 women minimum. So our new coach is saying we should recruit more men and then on race days have the minimum number of women on the boat we can get away with and fill the rest of the boat with men.

Lemme tell ya, the women on our boat were not impressed with this. She mentioned this at our first practice but I missed that practice because I was sick and thought maybe what I was being told was taken out of context or made to sound worse than it actually is but nope. At every practice since this has come up.

Our women are strong, some of our women are stronger than some of our men. We don’t slack, we don’t let the guys do all the work and just sit there looking pretty, we work hard, we train hard, we pull our weight. But now we are being told that on race day, despite being good paddlers, despite showing up to practices, despite working hard, we will be swapped out so there can be more guys on the boat, regardless of which paddler has more experience, or shows up to more practices, or has earned a chance to race.

No.

Just…no. That’s not right.

So now us women find ourselves in an uncomfortable position because not only is our new coach saying this but our captain is siding with her. We were muttering to each other during warm up, suggestions were made quietly that maybe all the woman should boycott one practice to show what is missing when we aren’t there, comments were thrown out that if we aren’t going to get to race then we won’t be showing up to practices and giving our time to the team if the team is going to shelve us. But for all that we were unhappy and angry and quietly speaking to each other we weren’t speaking out. We weren’t calling bullshit on this sexist regime that seemed to be slowly taking over our team. It’s bad enough for a coach who is new to our team and who maybe hasn’t realized just how strong our women are to say this but for our captain who knows us, knows how hard we work, to side with her because of reasons I can’t even fathom, well, it’s enough to make a girl want to walk out on practice.

This was the first practice I have ever had where I didn’t give it my all. Why should I give everything at practice if I’m not going to get to race? Why give so much of myself to my team if I am not an equal member of my team? Over the span of the practice my anger at the situation grew but I had no idea what to do about it. I can’t just yell at the captain, what will that get me? Kicked off the team probably. Anger didn’t seem like the right way to respond to this situation but I couldn’t look past my anger to see what should be done.

After practice, when we were all by the lockers our captain brought it up, said we as a team needed to talk about this because people seemed upset. He said that we had agreed as a team that we wanted to move up to the next level and maybe we didn’t realize sacrifices would need to be made in order to get to that next level. To which one of the women responded that it is the team, as it is now, with our women paddlers, who got the team to where it is, who brought us to the level we are at, and that shouldn’t be discounted. It was also asked why did he think we couldn’t get to the next level with the women on our team paddling? Who says we can’t get there if we race with women on the boat? Other things were said, comments made, the new coach walked in on our pow-wow and threw her two cents in to the ring. In the end a vote was taken, who wanted to keep things as is, not recruit anymore men to the boat, keep our ratio of women-to-men, and do our best. Hands went up all around. Even the guys hands. One of the guys said who races should be based on who earns a spot on the boat on race day which we all agree with, it’s always been like that with us. If you show up to practice, if you train hard, if you are a good paddler, basically if you earn your seat, then you race. If you slack off, don’t show to practices, don’t try to improve your technique then you stand a higher chance of being sat out on race day (assuming we have more paddlers than spots in the boat).

I’m glad this got brought out in the open and talked about, that people could say to the team what they were thinking/feeling about this new policy, but I’m also still upset. This shouldn’t have happened. Gender has never been an issue on the boat, it should never have become one. It should always be about who earned their spot, who worked for it, not about if you’re a man or woman.

I also don’t know if I believe that on race day there won’t be more women sat out than men. We won’t really know if the coach and/or captain are going to stick to what we as a team voted for until it is race day but I sure hope they don’t go back on what we all agreed on. I’m not good at trusting people, and now two people who I’m supposed to trust to put the good of the team before their own agenda have outed themselves as people who are biased against women…I don’t want to spend the season constantly keeping an eye out for gender biased behaviour but I am already feeling a bit stressed and on guard about it, like I have to keep an eagle eye out to make sure the women on my team don’t get screwed over, sigh. This could really suck…

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Middle Ground

15 Mar

I’ve got a pair of pants that when I bought them I thought they fit but once I got them home and wore them out for the first time I realized they were actually a bit too big. The crotch (I hate that word! lol) was too low so it rubbed against the inside of my thighs causing pain and raw skin…too much info? only happens to me? Yeah, sigh, figures… 😉 lol

Anyways! I put the pants in the dryer, a calculated risk, that I hoped would prove to be a smart idea. It did, sorta. The pants, after a couple runs through the dryer fit better around the waist, butt, hips and leg areas. They were a tad shorter than I like but not so much shorter I can’t still wear them with a variety of shoes. Phew! My legs are so long I hang to dry all pants because they can very quickly become too short and I look like that person who is expecting a flood 24/7 lol 😛

So today for work I wore the pants. I was maaaaaybe an hour in to my shift and every time I was standing or walking I was also pulling the pants up a bit and wishing I’d worn a belt. They were fitting looser in all areas but of course were still the tad too short they had been since the dryer stints.

I don’t know if this means I have lost a little bit of weight (please oh please mean I have lost some weight! *crosses fingers*) or if it means my pants have stretched out a bit or didn’t shrink quite as much as I realized. Obviously I’m hoping I got smaller not that my pants got bigger.

I seem to appear to be back in the middle ground of clothing sizes. I hate the middle ground. For those of you who don’t know what I’m talking about, it is that stage where you are becoming too small for one size but are still too big for the next size down so your clothes don’t fit nicely no matter what you wear. It sucks even if it is an indication you’re on the right track.

this goes for all clothes

this goes for all clothes

Thing is, I can’t think of anything that would have made me slim down a bit so I’m leaning towards the pants stretching out, which sucks.

I’ve been working on making small changes with my food, cutting out the processed foods I’d been enjoying during my off season, drinking more water, making sure to get protein in at every meal (well, ok, almost every meal, this is me after all lol), and, the big one, I’m eating less peanut butter! Shocking I know! I mean c’mon, I am the person who happily eats a couple spoonfuls of peanut butter and considers it a meal lol But yeah, small changes to my eating, nothing major, nothing to warrant slimming down enough to make pants fit looser.

One happy bonus to the pants fitting loosely this evening was it made it easier to resist bad-for-me-foods cause I kept thinking “if I have lost some weight I don’t wanna gain it back by making a stupid food choice” lol Oh the things I use for increasing my willpower! 😛

I have noticed lately that I am finding it easier to resist the foods that usually have me caving. Weird huh? Weird but awesome! If I walk through the bakery section at the grocery store I may glance at all the bakery items I usually drool over but I don’t pause and I definitely don’t buy. I contemplated pizza earlier in the week but easily managed to not order it. I’m finding it easier to not eat the foods at work.

I’m not sure where this increase in willpower has come from but I like it! 🙂 Maybe it’s because it’s dragon boat season again and I want to be in peak condition for practices and for the upcoming race season. Maybe it’s because I am “training” for the BMO Run and keep having horrifying images of a fat me being the last to cross the finish line at the run. Maybe it’s because I have had two auditions in the past two weeks (hoorah!) and want to look better and better for each upcoming audition. That and obviously the more confident I feel about how I look the less I will worry about it when in front of the camera meaning the more I can focus on my acting…and the  more I will look “right” according to casting directors.

It’s probably some combination of all these things and more, who knows what is lurking in my sub-conscious? lol 😉

Whatever it is, I am glad for it. Glad to be that person who easily walks past all the high calorie, processed, so tasty but so bad for me foods and buys the healthy stuff. Glad to be getting back to the way I used to be. Glad that this juuuuust might be the first step towards a healthier, stronger, slimmer me. *crosses fingers*

take the first step, put down the cookie!

take the first step, put down the cookie!

 

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What’s Your Goal?

13 Mar

Everyone has a different goal, sure they can often times be lumped in to groups but each person’s goal is unique. In terms of weight loss the main groups I have been focused on lately are:

– get skinny

– get strong

The reason I am focused so much on these two groups is because for the loooongest time if you had asked me my goal it was “to get skinny”. That’s it, end of story. All I wanted, more than anything, was to be skinny. I’m decently tall for a girl (5’8″) and feel it is grossly unfair I am not also skinny, aren’t tall girls supposed to be skinny? *pout* All my Weight Watchers, low calorie, paleo (and more!) eating plans were followed because of the promise I would lose weight and I interpreted that as “I would get skinny”, after all, that’s what happens when you lose weight, right? All my hiking, treadmill running, HIIT training, weight lifting, squat challenges etc were all done for the same reason, to get me skinny.

Obviously that hasn’t happened.

Over the past couple months or so my goal has, hmm, I don’t want to say completely changed but…shifted I guess? Evolved. Altered. Broadened.

Now when I think of how I want to look it’s not just “skinny” it’s a combination of words: skinny, fit, obvious muscle definition, strong.

I want to be strong.

Not body builder strong, *shudder* but my body’s version of strong.

I say “my body’s” because I firmly believe not every body can achieve the same “look”. I heard this from a trainer years ago and I have to say, it makes sense to me. My body has a natural build, that I sadly, covered in excess squishy-ness but under all my squishy-ness there is a body type that I have to work with. I have hips, not just cause there is fat on them but because my skeletal frame gave me curvy hips, some women have super slim hips sometimes referred to as guy’s hips, no matter how much I diet, how much I work out, unless I get plastic surgery I will always have curvy hips. Just like the woman with the super slim hips will always have super slim hips.  You can’t change what your bones are doing. You have to just deal with what you have and work with it.

fat grapefruit

As I have come to terms with this I took a look around for inspiration, for women who have the physical look that I am trying to achieve. Whereas before I used to think of Nicole Kidman or Julia Roberts or any number of runway models and obsess over how they are so skinny and I want to be soooo skinny but how the hell do I get to look like them?? Now I am thinking more along the lines of Michelle Rodriguez. She is slim, has muscle definition, nobody doubts she is strong (and not strong for a girl but simply strong), curvy, fit and feminine. The feminine part is important because I find the media forgets that women who are strong can also be girly.

Michelle Rodriguez - slim but with muscle

Michelle Rodriguez – slim but with muscles

Nicole Kidman

Nicole Kidman – sooooo skinny

I realized that a lot of the fitness activities I partake in were never going to get me to “skinny”, because while yes they provided cardio and burned calories the activities I lean towards also involve working my muscles and that will automatically strengthen my muscles…which, if I am lucky, will give me some level of muscle definition. Actually, I know it will give me muscle definition cause last dragon boat season my shoulders and arms had actual definition that I lost during the off season and am oh-so-hoping to get back soon. Muscle memory how I am relying on you!

For a while I worried that I was focusing more on getting strong because I thought I was incapable of achieving skinny, I was looking at my change of perception, my change of goal as a failure. But now, I don’t think that is what this is about. It’s not just about my being realistic for what I can achieve either. It is what I want. I could cut my food intake drastically, do nothing but cardio and let my body eat away at itself until I am super skinny but then what? I won’t be able to dragon boat, I’ll be too weak to compete. I won’t be able to make it up the side of a mountain when I go hiking, I’ll have no stamina or strength to manage the trails. I won’t be able to enter things like the BMO run. I’d never finish the course. For all that I want to be skinny, I want to be strong more. I want to be able to enjoy the various activities I take part in. I want to be able to sign up for a new challenge and know I’ll be able to work hard towards completing it. I want to not just keep up with others but pass them by – hey, what can I say, I’m competitive! 😉

The happy side effect of this new goal, this goal of attaining strength, muscle definition and being fit is that it will automatically make me look slimmer. A pound of muscle takes up less space than a pound of fat so if I can swap out my fat (obviously not all of it or I’d be dead lol) for muscle I’ll look slimmer, be stronger, get my muscle definition aaaaand manage to uncover the body that I hid underneath all this squishy-ness. And wouldn’t that just be fab? 🙂

sorry for the random girl in her underwear...

sorry for the random girl in her underwear…

sidenote: I didn’t put dragon boating in the list of activities I do to attain the goal of skinny because I dragon boat because of how much I love the sport…it just has the sweeeeeet side effect of being a fitness activity lol

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